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1
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♪
2
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♪
3
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- Yeoman Wakko, man the poop deck!
4
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[laughs] Oh, this nautical sketch
5
00:00:13,972 --> 00:00:16,391
was a great idea to get
around the censors.
6
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MAN:
Enough of this scuttlebutt!
7
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- [giggles] He said scuttle.
8
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[growls]
9
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,400
Uh oh. It's the captain.
10
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,861
Looks like we're in
for a stern talking to.
11
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,947
- Sailing pun! Somebody keep count.
12
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,990
There's gonna be too many of these.
13
00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,826
- Do you have any idea who I am?!
14
00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,744
- If the writers are
following the formula,
15
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I'd say you're an unlikable jerk
in need of an ego check.
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- Ego check?
Why would Christopher Columbus
17
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need an ego check?
18
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- Why do you have so many
books from the future?
19
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- Because it was a long flight
from 500 years from now.
20
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- It's not fair to make me do math
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and history at the same time!
22
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- So, apparently he got lost,
23
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thought South America was Asia,
24
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and claimed it for Spain even
though it was already inhabited
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by millions of people?
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- Then he starved those millions of people
27
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'cause he thought they
were hiding gold from him?
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[groans]
- Let me see that!
29
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♪
30
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He enslaved how many people?
31
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He was arrested by who?
32
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And he has his own holiday why?
33
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Oh, there's just too much
bad stuff in here
34
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to fit into a single sketch.
35
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- But, it just might fit in a song!
36
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♪ In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety Two ♪
37
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♪ Columbus sailed the ocean blue ♪
38
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- Oh yeah!
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♪ He had three ships,
he sailed from Spain ♪
40
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♪ A first rate hat atop
a second rate brain ♪
41
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- ♪ He sailed by night, he sailed by day ♪
42
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♪ Will somebody tell him
he sailed the wrong way? ♪
43
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- ♪ He's cruel,
he rules through thuggery ♪
44
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- ♪ Yet he's praised for
the new world's discovery ♪
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ALL:
♪ Are we sure he deserves his own day? ♪
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♪ We'd have found this stuff anyway ♪
47
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[growling]
48
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- I'm terrible at reading people.
49
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:57,743
Is he mad at us
or passionately in love with us?
50
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- I will give-a you a right seeing to!
51
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- Mm. I still can't tell.
52
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:05,542
- Desist with this poppycock at once!
53
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:08,086
- Oh. Aren't you gonna say,
"good night, everybody"?
54
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- Nah, too easy.
55
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,715
I'm trying to keep them above board.
56
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Seriously loving these
nautical puns though.
57
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- Seize them!
58
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- Uh oh. We're in hot water now.
59
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- Eh, what's he gonna do?
Make us walk the plank?
60
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Feed us to the sharks? Leave us stranded
61
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on a desert island? Ha!
62
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♪ dramatic music playing♪
63
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- [laughs] Goodbye! Happy getting eaten!
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[laughter]
65
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- Oh, we may have sailed too close
to the wind on this one, sibs.
66
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- That thing's not getting old.
67
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- Alright, sibs, all hands on deck! Sorry.
68
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We're up the creek without a paddle here.
69
00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,879
My bad. So, somebody's gotta bail us out.
70
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:54,341
I'm starting to think this pun
counter may have been a bad idea.
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- I think I can get us off the hook!
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- Wakko!
73
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- Come on!
- Genuine mistake.
74
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Yakko, your slacks, if you please.
75
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[struggling]
76
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- Cured meats were a staple of
the mariner's diet in the age of sail,
77
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so having baloney in one's slacks
is historically accurate.
78
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Okay, good. But, we're still stuck
on this island, high and dr--
79
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I mean between the devil and the deep bl--
80
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:22,411
No, dead in the wa--
81
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Are there any sayings
82
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which aren't based on sailing?!
- Don't worry, boys.
83
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I've got an idea!
84
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♪
85
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I knew that mandatory
WB employee screening
86
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,426
of Aquaman would pay off!
87
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- Hey, sibs! We're so meta
that the shark jumped us!
88
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- Oh, knock it off, Yakov!
89
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- Well, according to this map
I drew [laughs],
90
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Asia should be...
91
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Well, it can't be far now.
92
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Uh, I'm going to say
about-a five minutes maybe?
93
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[laughs] How big could
the Atlantic Ocean possibly be?
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SHIPMATE:
Land ahoy!
95
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- Land ahoy? Ah!
96
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I was-a hoping for Asia ahoy.
97
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Wait, what is Asia made of?
98
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- Um, land?
99
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- Land, of course! Asia is made of land!
100
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[laughing] I've done it!
101
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♪
102
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I, Christopher Columbus,
103
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hereby proclaim this land Asia!
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DOT:
Not even close, Columbozo.
105
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- Asia's about 8,000 miles that-a-way.
106
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- And it's further by ship.
That's as the crow flies.
107
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I didn't know that one was nautical,
I swear!
108
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- These are the Bahamas.
109
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- Well, I still discovered them.
110
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- Yeah, about that?
111
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♪ In Fourteen Hundred and Ninety Two ♪
112
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♪ Columbus sailed the ocean, true ♪
113
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DOT: ♪ He wasn't a looker
and less of a charmer ♪
114
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♪ Claimed he'd be the first
man to find the Bahamas ♪
115
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WAKKO:
♪ But this isn't even a new frontier ♪
116
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♪ The Lucayans have
been here 1,000 years ♪
117
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ALL: ♪ Are we sure he deserves
his very own day? ♪
118
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♪ Asia's still half a world away ♪
119
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[wind blowing]
120
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,263
♪
121
00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:05,764
[growling]
122
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[muttering]
123
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,976
- Land ahoy!
124
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♪
125
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- Oh boy! It's green!
126
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Green land! [gasps]
127
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Have I discovered Greenland?
128
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- Well...
129
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[chirping, squawk]
130
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- I, Christopher Columbus,
131
00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:29,830
proclaim thee Greenland!
132
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,709
- Even further off, Codumbus.
- Cuba.
133
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:37,254
- I'm sorry, how do you keep
beating me to these islands anyway?
134
00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:38,839
- Shark chariot.
135
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,553
♪
136
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:48,265
SHIPMATE: Land a--
- Just park the boat-a!
137
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:52,019
This had better be Asia this time!
138
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,397
- But, sir, you're navigating.
139
00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:57,566
[chirp, muffled shriek]
140
00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,318
- Asia.
141
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:00,944
- Asia is still away-sia, pal.
142
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,321
- This is Hispaniola.
143
00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:05,574
- Which is modern day Haiti
and the Republic Dominican.
144
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:06,992
- Don't call it that!
145
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,787
You know who will start
singing you know what.
146
00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:11,663
- What was that?
DOT/WAKKO: Nothing!
147
00:06:12,247 --> 00:06:14,583
- Enough! Enough-a! Enough!
148
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,585
I am going back to Spain!
149
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:20,339
Without-a you three!
150
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:21,340
[tires screech]
151
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:22,841
But-a believe you me.
152
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,426
I won't-a give up.
153
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:27,304
Next time, I depart-a south southwest,
154
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,014
instead of west southwest.
155
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:30,557
Straight to Asia!
156
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,685
No local stops on this-a journey!
157
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,354
- Don't you wanna hear our song about
158
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:38,190
the 750,000 indigenous people
who already live here,
159
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,900
you big phony?
- Yeah.
160
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:43,654
I spent all night coming up
with a rhyme for Arawak/Taíno.
161
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,197
[groans]
162
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,865
- Let's do it anyway!
163
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:49,159
ALL: ♪ Columbus sailed the ocean blue ♪
164
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:51,495
♪ He had three ships, now he has two ♪
165
00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:53,622
DOT:
♪ Through a bunch of nautical accidents ♪
166
00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:56,208
♪ He claimed lands
filled with inhabitants ♪
167
00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:58,418
WAKKO:
♪ Next trip, he'll say he finds Jamaica ♪
168
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,546
♪ Sure this time that it's in Asia ♪
169
00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:03,924
YAKKO:
♪ Think that's uncomplimentary ♪
170
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,218
♪ Try reading his Wiki entry ♪
171
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:08,470
ALL:
♪ He's the captain of endless mistakes ♪
172
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,764
♪ One of history's luckiest fakes ♪
173
00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,683
♪ Are we sure he deserves his own day? ♪
174
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:16,019
♪ He never even set foot in ♪
175
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:19,898
♪ The USA ♪
176
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,822
[grunting]
177
00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:28,574
[squeaking, chirping]
178
00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:30,284
- Ouch-a! Mama mia!
179
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:32,619
- Oh. Guess we really knocked
the wind out of his sails.
180
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,038
♪
181
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:38,167
You've done well, little pun counter.
182
00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:39,376
[dog barking]
183
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,503
But the sketch is over now. You're free.
184
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,089
[panting, barking, whining]
185
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,966
- Go on. Get outta here.
186
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,217
[barking]
187
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:48,927
♪
188
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:52,931
ALL:
Wow.
189
00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:56,643
Uh...
190
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,937
♪
191
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:01,482
- Guess he couldn't swim.
- And now, he's dead in the water.
192
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,816
[ding]
13733
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