Original subtitles

♪ theme song playing ♪

- ♪ It's time for Animaniacs! ♪

♪ And we're zany to the max ♪

♪ So just sit back and relax ♪

♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪ - ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

♪ Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot ♪

♪ They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught ♪

♪ But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe ♪

♪ A brand new cast who tested well in focus group research ♪

♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

♪ And ethnically diverse ♪

♪ The trolls will say we're so passé, but we did meta first ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ You should see our new contracts ♪

♪ We're zany to the max, there's baloney in our slacks ♪

♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪

- ♪ This horse's mane-y ♪

- ♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

♪

♪ dramatic music ♪

[screaming] [thunder]

[sneezes]

- Blegh. - It's working, Mrs. Brainble.

Soon, this putrid nutrient slop of yours

will have broken their spirits entirely,

making these orphans the perfect worker drones for my latest plan

to seize control of the British Empire!

- Oh, it is good to see you smile, Mr. Brainble.

I'm so happy!

We're living in blissful matrimony, and [laughs]

me accent don't seem so out of place for once. Narf!

- Please, sir, can I have...

seconds? - Seconds!? Wait,

you actually like this fetid calorie paste, urchin?

- I love it! But, this is a guy

who literally eats a dump truck full of garbage in the intro,

so maybe take my opinion with a grain of salt.

- Egad! A grain of salt! Genius!

♪

- ♪ Gruel, gruesome ol' gruel ♪

♪ Tastes like milky fishes ♪

♪ You think that it's cruel ♪

♪ But I think it's delicious ♪

♪ Foul, rancid, and stinkin', boys ♪

♪ Just look at it splashin' ♪

[screaming]

♪ If you won't be drinkin', boys ♪

♪ I'll slurp up your rations ♪

[rhythmic slurping]

[slurping]

♪ Just thinking of eating it ♪

♪ Is enough to make me drool ♪

♪ Oh, gruel, sickening gruel ♪

♪ Maggoty gruel ♪

♪ Gruesome ol' gruel! ♪

What's for dessert? Is it more gruel?

[growls]

Ah! Whoa!

Now, where am I gonna get my gruel?

- There is this one place I've heard of that still serves gruel,

but it's all the way in London. - How far is that?

- Ah, about a 10 second, 19 frame montage.

♪

[sniffing]

♪

And it should be right...

- But you're not even holding a map!

- Some improv partner you are.

[sniffing]

What's wrong, boy? Fire down at the old mill?

- Timmy's fallen down a well?

- The advent of the industrial revolution has led to cheaper material goods,

but at great human and environmental cost?

- It's gruel!

♪

♪ foreboding music ♪

FAGINSNIFF: Ah... It appears we have new guests.

Velcome, my dearies. [laughs]

I am Dr. Faginsniff.

- Howdy doody! Name's Yakk Dawkins, Faginsniff,

better known amongst me more inti-mates as the Artful Yakker.

This here is Dottie Bates. - How dare you call me Dottie!

- It's your name in this sketch, sis.

We all have to make adjustments.

Look at me! I'm wearing a coat!

- I'm still not wearing any pants. It's in me contract.

- And this pants-less wonder is Wakkiver Twist.

[sniffing]

- Ah! He wants the gruel, ja?

Well, young Wakkiver,

we vork for our gruel around here.

So, tell me, what are your qualifications?

- Qualifications... Well,

I'm fluent in sarcasm,

I'm a three-time Emmy Award viewer,

I did four years of contemporary and two of tap--

- Uhp-uhp-uhp-uhp. Entertainer, eh?

Well, we may have some use for you after all. For you see...

♪ In this sketch, one thing counts ♪

♪ Musical numbers, large amounts ♪

♪ This slop you see don't come for free ♪

♪ You'll have to sing a song for your gruel, boy ♪

♪ Have to sing a song for your gruel ♪

- ♪ Bowls like these don't grow on trees ♪

♪ You'll have to sing a song for your gruel ♪

- Singing? Ah, that's easy.

We've been doing that since 150 years from now!

- Hey, mister, can we join, too?

We get higher residuals for songs.

- Uh huh...

♪ If I should use their act ♪

♪ To pick pockets as they distract ♪

♪ Huge returns for us to earn ♪

♪ Yes, you can sing a song for your gruel, kids ♪

♪ You all can sing a song for your gruel ♪

ORPHANS: ♪ As they mislead, we'll do the deed ♪

♪ You all can sing a song for your gruel ♪

- Pickpocketing? But we're chaotic good!

It would go against our whole character alignment.

- You... could hear all that?

- Just 'cause you sing it, doesn't mean we can't hear it.

- [laughs] That would be a ridiculous rule.

- No, no, no, no. I didn't say we pick pockets.

I said we do "click and collects."

We are eine redistribution center. You see,

we redistribute wealth from those who have it to us.

[laughs evilly] What do you say?

Join us?

[sad dog whimpering]

♪

[laughing]

♪