Original subtitles

♪

- Hey, hey, hey, hey. No time for backstory, George Lucas.

This is a five minute sketch.

Places, people! Places! [clapping]

And... action.

- W-what is the meaning of this nonsense?

- Johnny, sweetie, relax. We're jesters. We jest.

- So, uh, you're a tyrant, huh?

- [giggles] Well, I try. [giggles]

I crush the odd dissenter,

boil the odd conspirator, filet the odd peasant.

- Oh, stop! You're making me hungry! I haven't had lunch!

- You know, I've always had a thing for bad boys.

[gag, vomits]

[gasping, spitting]

Haven't showers been invented yet?!

♪

- Well, no. - Oh. Yeah, right.

[gasps]

[gasps]

[grunting]

[growling]

[gasping, groaning]

♪

- [baby talk] Who's a good king? You are!

- Guards! Seize them!

- Hey! You can't arrest us for anachronisms!

- Anarchy? Did he just say anarchy?

Oh no! 'Tis the civil war we've long feared!

To arms! To arms! [screaming, smashing]

YAKKO: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold your horsemen, Jack.

If it's civil war you seek to eschew,

we've got just the historical doc for you.

- A manuscript most major,

mooted for His Magnificence's musing.

- I'm listening. - A parchment for your peepers to peruse,

that those privy may prevent protest from both

plebeian and patrician alike.

- Yes, yes, go on.

- Again, it's almost lunch time,

and I'm starving!

Verily.

- Send them to the dicing chambers!

♪

- For lunch? - For dicing!

- Just read this. - What is it? And make it quick.

I have a peasant quartering to attend after lunch.

- Oh sure. He gets lunch.

DOT: This is the Magna Carta, Your Majesty.

Your salvation. Simply sign it swiftly,

and sedition is certain to subside.

- Ugh! This is silly.

- Silly! Very good.

Let us explain.

- ♪ Don't be coy, old Johnny boy ♪

♪ We have seen what you decreed ♪

♪ You've taxed and pillaged every village ♪

♪ And ignored their every need ♪

- ♪ So, we wrote the Magna Carta ♪

- ♪ Which is Latin for Great Charter ♪

- ♪ And you'd do well lest folk rebel ♪

♪ To sign this clever creed ♪

- ♪ The British Isles will have fair trials ♪

♪ And I'll tell you what's more ♪

♪ Neither king nor son nor anyone will be above the law ♪

WAKKO: ♪ So, if you're to have a hope ♪

DOT: ♪ And win the blessings of the Pope ♪

- ♪ You can't decline, you'll have to sign, or face a civil war ♪

DOT: ♪ Though you'll be vexed, this deed's effects ♪

♪ Go far beyond this region, you can stamp and shout and whine about ♪

♪ This blatant act of treason ♪ - Guards!

WAKKO: ♪ But we demand habeas corpus ♪

- ♪ Meaning tyrants should be cautious ♪

- ♪ No more arrests at the king's behest ♪

♪ For now you'll need a reason ♪

- ♪ Unless you're craving one more bathing, embrace legal restitution ♪

♪ Church and state will separate or there'll be regal revolution ♪

- ♪ And the message then will spread ♪

- ♪ Like liberty butter on freedom bread ♪

- ♪ Through the ages to the pages of the US Constitution ♪

- ♪ In 800 years, to people's cheers, these words will further travel ♪

♪ To unclasp each despot's grasp, and to ensure their reigns unravel ♪

- ♪ Rights were granted at our birth ♪

- ♪ To every corner of the Earth ♪

WAKKO: ♪ From United Nations declarations ♪

ALL: ♪ Down to every judge's gavel ♪

♪

- Okay. [panting] That has to work.

- What is the United Nations?

And what is the US Constitution?

And what on Earth is liberty butter?!

- Listen, John-O, just sign or get off the throne.

- Yeah. I mean, surely you'd do anything to prevent another civil war.

- I'd do anything to prevent another song!

- That'll do! Just sign here and here and here and here.

- We did it! And there's still a little time left on the clock.

- Huh. We're not usually that efficient. What should we do now?

YAKKO: Say, KJ,

would you like to hear all about the Battle of Hastings?

Hit it, lute boy!

♪

- I abdicate!

I abdicate!

I abdicate! [crash]

- Goodbye, everybody!

♪

♪