Original subtitles

[thunder cracks]

♪ Pinky & The Brain theme song playing ♪

- Gee, Brain, what do you wanna do tonight?

- The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[thunder cracks]

♪

- ♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius ♪

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

♪

[zapping]

[yelling, grunting]

- Oh. Pinky! We're alive!

That was our greatest adventure yet [slime whimpering]

- Remember the part where the mutant robo-gorilla

with cannon hands had us cornered, and you were like,

"Pinky! Cut the red wire!"

And I was like, "But they're all red wires, Brain!"

And then the blast threw us through

a plate glass window in slow motion!

- You know, when our time machine split reality into random sequences,

I thought it would make the saga too confusing to follow.

But if anything, the way the multiple timelines

tied together was even more satisfying than a linear chronology!

- And the side story with the octopus love interest

coming back at the end?

What a twist!

- I don't think we'll ever top that one, Pinky.

The rest of our plan is positively boring by comparison!

♪

Nonetheless, we'd best proceed.

As you know, the goal of that mission was to retrieve these.

The blueprints for Chump Tower.

Every year, the former "president"

hosts a summit of world leaders on the top floor.

Using the skyscraper's schematics,

I will infiltrate said summit and release...

[whirring]

this.

- [gasps] Chanel number six!?

[Brain grunts] The rumors are true!

- This isn't some overpriced eau du toilette,

you malodorous malcontent.

It's the most potent nerve agent known to mankind.

I've spent years harvesting the ingredients,

and I've still only gathered enough for a single "shpritz"!

Even so, it should be enough to render

approximately 1,000 humans

entirely suggestible to my command for five minutes!

Just long enough to convince every world leader

to sign over their nations to me, The Brain!

[maniacal laughter] PINKY: Wait!

Your name's "The Brain?"

Oh, I've been calling you just plain old Brain

for all these years!

I'm so sorry, Brain. I-I mean, I'm so sorry, The Brain!

Wait! Am I The Pinky?

[beeping] - All we need is an access point

to get inside Chump Tower.

I'd imagine a poorly secured ventilation shaft should do the--

[beep] No, it seems they're onto that.

Well, no matter. I'm sure the sewers beneath will provide ample room

for a pair of rodents to sneakily-- [beep]

No, they've thought of that, too. Hm.

But, surely they haven't-- [gasps] [beep]

Oh my. [sighs] [beep]

It's completely impenetrable!

That entire ordeal was for nothing.

- Not nothing, Brain.

I got to meet my evil tether.

He was so nice.

- Oh, come, Pinky. We must prepare for tomorrow night.

- Why, Brain? What are we going to do-- Oh.

Actually, hm, tomorrow night's no good for me, Brain.

The Miss Everything Pageant is on.

- You watch that archaic, retrograde, sexist drivel?

Oh, Pinky. I thought you were woke.

- It's not drivel, Brain.

It's the only beauty pageant which is classy enough

to be held at Chump Tower itself. - Chump Tower!?

Come, Pinky! We haven't a second to lose!

♪

[squawking]

[women scream]

[indistinct chatter] [bird squawking]

[screams]

[woman yells]

- Ah!

- You! Clipboard jockey! I need to get inside.

- Official entrance only. Next!

- No, no, no! Wait! I am an official! Um,

uh, I'm a pageant coach.

Yes! That will do.

From the very tiny island nation of...

Nanonesia.

- You and me both, pal. If you're a coach,

where's your contestant?

- Uh, my contestant? Well, she's, um, uh--

- Wowie, Brain! You won't believe it!

They're giving out free cars in the valet car park!

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...

- She's right here. - I don't hear a thing.

- I'd say she has the requisite intellect

for a competition such as this, yes? - Hm...

- You and me both, pal.

Alright, get inside you two.

- Do you always start your sentences with that phrase?

- "You and me both, pal?" Yeah.

Cut off an actual witch in traffic,

and she put a curse on me.

[traffic noise, horns blaring] WITCH: You and me both, pal!

[cackling]

[nervously laughs]

[women screaming, grunt]

[ding]

♪

- Miss China!

Nothing could be fine-a!

Miss France? May I have this dance? [Miss France grunts]

Miss Bosnia and Herzegovina,

I would, but I've never been-a! [laughs]

Miss, uh, oh...

N-Nanonesia?

We're on in an hour. [sighs] Make it work.

- But that one didn't even rhyme!

- One hour? How the devil am I supposed to come up with a plan

to infiltrate the leaders' summit on the top floor in one hour?

Listen to me, Pinky. I need you to buy us more time.

You must survive these preliminary rounds of the pageant,

or they're going to boot us out of here before I can execute my scheme!

Now, I don't know much about beauty pageants,

but I did absorb some lessons in "paint by numbers glitz and glam"

from that Sandra Bullock movie I half-watched on the plane.

Speed 2, Cruise Control.

- Okay, Brain.

With your love and support, I'm sure I can do it!

- Yes, well, let's hope you can do it regardless.

Pageantry is 90% confidence, Pinky.

I want you to remember these three simple steps.

Spray, spruce, spritz.

A spray of the hair...

a spruce of the bangs...

a spritz of perfume.

I'm now mentally primed and ready to put forward my best self.

Now, let's see you do it.

- 'Kay... [breathes deeply]

Spray...

spruce...

spritz.

[gagging]

[screaming]

Ah!

[gasps]

[grunts]

Ah! Zort!

[muffled yell, whimper]

[muffled grunt]

[shaky yell, gasping]

[zapping] [screaming]

[gasping]

[yelling]

♪

- Good gracious, I'm good.

- Spray...

spruce... spritz.

Let's win this!

Ah! [thud]

I'm ok-- [grunts]

[sighs]

♪ fanfare playing ♪

- And finally, Miss Nanonesia.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

- Oh, funny story. I was actually just there,

and I was married to an octopus!

REGISTRAR: You and me both, pal!

[sighs]

- It's still the best answer we've had so far.

She's through.

- Congratulations, Miss Nanonesia! [applause]

You're through to the final round!

♪

- I'll be joining you shortly, world leaders.

I wonder what they're doing up there.

Something equal parts sophisticated and nefarious, no doubt.

- [in Russian accent]: Definitely Chris Hemsworth.

So, I guess I'd have to marry Chris Pratt,

and kill Chris Pine.

♪

Nyet! Don't actually kill him.

Is just game!

- Egad, Brain. The final round.

I don't know whether to narf or poit!

- Yes, Pinky, your performance has been both adequate and passable.

- Oh! You really mean it? - I do.

In making it this far, you've bought me enough time

to formulate a plan for reaching the leader's summit

on the top floor. [beep]

I believe I'll be able to ascend the glass exterior of Chump Tower

with these suction cups I've fashioned out of

Miss Spain's contact lenses.

- Oh!

- You mean her eyes aren't naturally purple?

- Next, I'll repel across the series of chandeliers

using these climbing ropes I wove

from Miss Ethiopia's hair extensions.

- [gasps] But these have been illegal

since the Weave-Gate Scandal of '97!

- Finally, I shall enter the sprinkler system

and swim upward through the pipes... [beeping]

until I reach the summit,

drawing oxygen from this discarded lipstick canister.

- Um, no offense, Brain, but I don't know

if you've got the volume to pull off a shade as red as

"Battle-Lip Potemkin."

[Pinky screams] [body thuds]

[grunts]

- All I need you to do is create a diversion,

so I can sneak out undetected.

♪

- Sure thing, Brain. Oh, but just one thing.

What's a diversion? Oh no, no, no.

Is it like a B-side?

'Cause my record producer said my album,

Narf Side of the Moon, is all B-sides!

And I have been meaning to drop

Poit Sounds soon, so...

- No, Pinky. I need you to fail the talent show segment

of the competition. Spectacularly.

- [gasps] Throw the talent show?

I won't do it, Brain. No. I refuse to compromise my integrity.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

the Crazy Frog song isn't going to play itself

on the wine glasses. HOST: And now,

presenting the musical improv stylings

of Miss Nanonesia as

DJ Baby Boom Boom!

[crowd cheering] - I wonder what he thinks integrity means.

[muffled yell]

[glasses shattering]

[crowd gasps]

[glasses continue breaking]

♪

[grunting]

[yelling]

- Narf!

[straining]

[grunting]

[crowd gasping]

[grunting]

[laughs nervously]

[grunts]

[sighs]

[yells]

[creaking]

- Nyah!

[laughs nervously] Phew.

♪

[water flowing]

[beeping]

[grunting]

[beeping]

[metallic banging]

[beeping]

[water rushing]

♪

[screaming]

Ho ho! A pride of Presidents, Prime Ministers,

and pot-bellied Parliamentarians primed for the plucking!

[inaudible]

I've done it! Now,

I'll need you all to sign this deed transferring control

of your nations.

Form a long line.

Something I'm sure you're well-practiced in, Maduro.

[laughs] Got him. [glass shatters]

Now, there shouldn't be... Oh right. The nerve agent.

My apologies.

I command thee to forfeit your nations

to I, The Brain!

Or is it just "I, Brain?" Hm.

The Pinky really got inside my head.

[laughter]

What the-- [sniffs]

Lilac? Rose water?

A hint of sandalwood?

This is Pinky's perfume! But that means...

I must've mixed up the vials!

- And the winner of the Miss Everything Pageant is...

- Oh... Oh dear. I almost forgot.

Spray...

spruce... spritz!

Oh, please be me! Please,

make me Miss Everything! I really, really, really, really want to win!

- Miss... [sniffing]

[robotic]: Nanonesia.

[crowd cheering]

- Yes!

- No!

♪

[laughing, crying]

- Thank you!

- Oh!

- Brain! I did it! After all these years,

I finally achieved my goal

of becoming the most beautiful

human woman on the planet!

♪

- Come, Pinky.

We must prepare for tomorrow night.

- Why? What are we gonna do tomorrow night?

Oh! Miss Teen Everything?

And before you say I'm too old to enter,

I'm only three!

- No, Pinky. The same thing we do every night.

Try to take over the world!

Uh oh.

- Oh! The needlework on that sash is to die for, darling!

You simply must give me the name of your seamstress!

[whirring] [screaming]