Original subtitles

♪ theme song playing ♪

- ♪ It's time for Animaniacs! ♪

♪ And we're zany to the max ♪

♪ So just sit back and relax ♪

♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪ - ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

♪ Just for fun, we run around the Warner movie lot ♪

♪ They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught ♪

♪ But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe ♪

♪ A brand new cast who tested well in focus group research ♪

♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

♪ And ethnically diverse ♪

♪ The trolls will say we're so passé, but we did meta first ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ You should see our new contracts ♪

♪ We're zany to the max, there's baloney in our slacks ♪

♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪

- ♪ Making gain-eys ♪

- ♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

♪

♪

[click] - Hey! A new episode of our new favorite

business show on the Business Channel!

- Oh! You mean the one where the guy goes

and helps people fix their failing small business!

- No! That's on the Small Business Channel.

This is where they pitch their idea to billionaires,

and if it's bad, they get dropped into a flaming pit!

- That's capitalism, baby!

♪ tense music playing ♪

[ding]

- So, Gordon, pitch me. I'm dreaming.

- You ever eat a baby carrot at a rock concert and feel embarrassed?

I-I mean, how often do you find yourself

eating three to four baby carrots,

just to satisfy your carrot craving?

- So... a regular-sized carrot?

[buzz] [screaming]

- A touch indelicate, but ultimately fair.

- Aw, I thought his idea had real potential.

- Come on! I could pitch a better idea than that off the top of my head!

And improv is the weakest of my comedic disciplines.

- Improv is the weakest of all comedic disciplines,

so this should be terrible.

- Alright then!

Let's see you do it.

- And it better be good!

[buzz]

♪

- Alright then.

But I gotta warn you. This might be too groundbreaking.

I've got one, or possibly two, words for you, sibs.

Exoplanets.

Space tourism!

Space tourism is the future!

Scientists are discovering new exoplanets all the time.

You see... ♪ musical flourish begins ♪

- Here's your first note, sweetie. [music ends]

Don't every single song with the words "you see."

- Ahem. You see... ♪ musical flourish playing ♪

♪ Not long ago, we didn't know ♪

♪ If we were all alone ♪

♪ Was there a dearth of other Earths ♪

♪ In the Habitable Zone? ♪

♪ Then the Kepler telescope found new hope ♪

♪ In the Milky Way ♪

♪ So why not try the cosmic sky ♪

♪ For your next holiday? ♪

♪ In fact, there's one that's super fun ♪

♪ Just a few light-years away ♪

♪ Where one full year will disappear ♪

♪ In 4.2 Earth days ♪

♪ So if there's only one place ♪

♪ You've got space and time to see ♪

♪ Then be astounded by the first we've found ♪

♪ It's Planet Pegasi 51-B ♪

♪ But before you go, you oughta know ♪

♪ It's kinda tough to get around ♪

♪ Because the planet's really gassy ♪

♪ There's no land or solid ground ♪

[gasps] ♪ Clouds of methane meet sulfuric rain ♪

♪ And when those are combined ♪

♪ The air that you'll be breathing there ♪

♪ Will smell like gas of another kind ♪

Gas no good? Alright, gas isn't everyone's cup of tea.

That's fine. But what about one with aliens?!

Lady and gentle-boy,

I give you Kepler-186F! [ding]

♪ Okay, I jest, I kinda guessed ♪

♪ Whether E. T. s are alive ♪

♪ But this hip spot has got the lot ♪

♪ For aliens to live and thrive ♪

♪ If there's water here, it's crystal clear ♪

♪ And not too hot or cold ♪

♪ And it may contain amazing veins ♪

♪ Of pure and flawless gold! ♪

♪ But its sun is dying and amplifying ♪

♪ All the harmful cosmic rays ♪

♪ And the planet's visage is forever barraged ♪

♪ With all these brutal gamma waves ♪

♪ If any E. T. s were alive, none would survive ♪

♪ The radiation ♪

♪ So it'd be astute to pack a hazmat suit ♪

♪ For this hot new destination ♪

Okay, so the radiation's also a deal breaker, is it?

Okay, well it's good to know.

Hm...

Alright! I got it!

♪ And at lucky last, you can't look past ♪

♪ This place that shouldn't be missed ♪

♪ It's always sunny, there's magic puppies ♪

♪ And homework doesn't exist ♪

♪ The sailing's dandy, the ocean's candy ♪

♪ You can fly a broom ♪

♪ But do not fear because the atmosphere ♪

♪ Will smell like sweet perfume ♪

♪ And astronomers claim that video games ♪

♪ Have been built into every crater ♪

♪ Why not play Asteroids all day ♪

♪ And order pizza from an alien waiter ♪

♪ Or try a shopping spree 'cause everything is free ♪

♪ And bedtime's not till 11 ♪

♪ WB-1 ♪

♪ The home of fun ♪

♪ Well, come to ♪

♪ Cosmic ♪

♪ Heaven... ♪ [dogs barking]

[sustains note]

[stops singing] [ding]

- Magic puppies? - Pizza?

- We're in! - Sold!

- Question. - Shoot.

- How do we get there?

- Aren't these planets all billions of miles away?

- Oh... Oh yeah.

Plus, I made that planet up.

But, you look like the sort of fashionable folks

who would appreciate hair pants,

the only pants made from the hair of balding men!

[thud, buzz]

Okay, okay. Maybe that's not for you.

I've got more!

Door of the Month Club!

A new door delivered to your door every month!

[buzz]

Collapsible pitchfork! For the rioter on the go!

[buzz]

Wireless kite! No! Wait!

[buzz] Porcelain fish?

[buzz] Pork yogurt!

All the meat at the bottom! Stir and enjoy!

[buzz] [Yakko groans]