Original subtitles

[thunder]

♪ Pinky & the Brain theme song ♪

- Gee, Brain, what do you wanna do tonight?

- The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[thunder]

♪

- ♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius ♪

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

♪

- [panting] Can I put it down now, Brain?

- Not yet, Pinky. - Well, hurry!

My arms are sleepy. You know how they get

when they miss nap time! Ah! [beeping]

[crash]

Sorry, Brain.

I'll buy you a new TV hat.

- No need, my friend. That satellite dish was inconsequential to my plan.

By assigning you a pointless, menial task,

I avert the risk of you interfering with my work.

- Egad, Brain. That's genius!

- Yes. Now, pay close attention.

Tonight, I shall attend a dinner for world dictators, undercover.

Once inside, I will plant a listening device

which will provide me with all the military intel I will need

to take over the world!

- A dinner party? Can I go?

Oh, please, Brain! Oh please, please, please!

- Yes, Pinky. Every dictator has a right-hand man.

Putin has Igor Sechin, Kim Jong-un has Kim Yong-chol,

Pitbull has "featuring Ludacris."

You will attend as my mute secretary.

Do you know what a "mute" is, Pinky?

- Is it a flute for cows?

- Pinky, if your mind were a body of water,

it would be the Dead Sea. Now, enough prattle!

Our limousine will be here in one hour.

Put this on. - Oh, do you love it, Brain?

I think it's fun.

And, it has pockets!

[grunt]

♪

- Name? - I am Emperor Brain from Albrainia.

- I'm sorry. I don't see you on the list.

- How about Pinky? SECURITY GUARD: Why, yes. Of course,

President Pinkochet. Welcome back.

[grunt]

[mumbling, muffled laugh]

♪ jazz music playing ♪

[inaudible]

- There they are, Pinky.

[inaudible dialogue] The most ruthless dictators in the world.

Remember, we mustn't attract any unnecessary attention.

If our cover is blown, we'll be...

[splash] PINKY: Help!

[gasps] Somebody help me!

I fell into the deep end, and I can't swim!

- Just stand, you buffoon.

- Oh.

I think we should leave, Brain.

I saw a mouse in the cocktail sauce.

- What part of "don't attract attention"

do you not understand?

You are to behave and stay as quiet as--

- A mouse? - Quieter.

- [quieter]: A mouse?

- It's time to put my plan into action.

KIM JONG-UN: So-so, like, I-- There I was.

I took the "which dictator are you" quiz,

and you're not going to believe who I got.

Saddam Hussein!

[laughter]

- Shut up. That's hilarious.

- I always saw you as more of a Gaddafi.

BRAIN: Good evening, fellow dictators!

What's the haps, as they say. [nervous laugh]

Who's occupying whom? Hm?

Where are we hiding our nuclear reactors?

Are those pigs-in-a-blanket?

Mm, my favorite. Although, I probably shouldn't.

Once you eat one, it's a slippery slope.

Well, I'll let you get back to it. A pleasure meeting you all.

♪

Listening device activated. [whirring]

[beeping]

Time to hear all your dirty little secrets.

- Well, for starters, I've been wearing

this same Band-Aid for six years.

- Not you, Pinky.

KIM JONG-UN [on device]: Uh, can we take a moment to talk about

how rude that guy was!?

- You don't talk politics or world domination at dinner.

Everybody knows that.

- Also, I feel like he is too tall to be dictator.

[laughter]

- What is happening?

This is the inane babbling of gossiping millennials,

not merciless tyrants!

NICOLÁS MADURO [on device]: Vladimir, can you tell me again

how this "dinner for fools" works?

VLADIMIR PUTIN [on device]: Sure, Nicolás!

As you know, we all bring foolish guest to dinner.

I vote on whoever brings the most foolish guest,

and they will win special prize.

A nuclear submarine!

♪

Equipped with all the latest world-domination technologies!

- A dinner for fools?

Where am I supposed to find a fool at this hour?

There are no IHOPs around here. PINKY: Ah!

[thud]

[muffled]: Uh, it's not what it looks like, Brain.

He came onto me.

- To borrow from the ancients, "fortuna favet fatuis."

- Four tunas? Oh, no thanks, Brain.

I'm still full on cocktail sauce. [chuckles]

- It means "fortune favors fools", Pinky!

Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

- Yah!

[lisping]: I think so, Brain, but isn't the seashore

the worst place to be selling seashells?

[cracking] Ah! [nervous laughs]

[maniacal laughter]

- Yes, Pinky! Exactly!

Just like that!

[tapping]

- Welcome, everyone,

to annual top secret dictator dinner!

I hope you enjoy fun and colorful e-vite I send this year.

Anyway, democracy is weak

and crumbles across world like cookie.

So, I'm pleased to see some new faces.

Also, we will be having cookie later.

Everyone, please stand to introduce yourself

and your "special guest."

- I am Nicolás Maduro from Venezuela,

but please call me "the Nicktator"!

I'm trying to get that going. [nervous laugh]

This is my very special guest, Rodrigo.

[whispering]: He thinks he is robot.

- I was told this was a costume party.

- He is talking words, but all I hear is "beep boop boop"!

[laughter]

- Hello. I am Kim Jong-un from North Korea.

This is my guest, Soo Yun the ghost.

SOO YUN: Hello, I'm Soo Yun. I'm a ghost.

I used to work on a dirt farm,

which I now haunt.

- Ooh! Very spooky!

Okay, who's next?

- I am Emperor Brain from Albrainia.

We are a startup dictatorship in Eastern Europe.

You probably haven't heard of us, but [laughs] you will.

Allow me to introduce my guest,

Pinky.

- Hello.

♪

- [clears throat] My apologies.

He's not normally this shy.

Uh, say, Pinky,

are you pondering what I'm pondering?

- No.

♪

[phone beeping] [coughs]

- [whispering]: What are you doing?

- [whispering]: I'm just behaving like you said, Brain.

Don't wanna ruin your big night.

[sighs wearily]

- Uh, say, Pinky, uh,

why don't you tell everyone about some of our attempts

to take over the world?

Like that time we tried to hijack the Oscars,

and you foiled the plan by switching out the Best Picture card

with your cheesecake recipe?

PINKY: [laughs] Oh sure, Brain!

How about the time you made a robot

to help you take over the world,

but then it got smarter than you

and laughed at all your plans?

[laughter]

Right? I know! Or the time you made a girl mouse smart

to help you run for President,

but then she got more votes than you did!

[laughter] - [laughing] Beep bop boop!

- Oh! And one time,

you tried to go viral by dressing up

like a baby, and you said,

"Not the Himalayas! Not-not the Himalayas!

Oh no, not the Himalayas!" [laughing]

- I remember that video!

[gasps] That was you?

[laughter]

- Okay, Pinky, I think they've heard enough.

- But my all-time favorite, bar none,

was when Brain built a fun little car that drove all by itself,

and we got stuck inside, and it drove us around and around.

And we played games! And we talked about our feelings,

until the car found its vacuum girlfriend!

Priceless!

[laughter]

- Okay! Okay, that's enough.

Usually, I don't do this until later,

but I have already decide on winner.

Congratulations to...

Pinky!

And his most foolish guest, Brain.

- Brain! We won! We won! What did we win?

- No, no, no, no, no. There's been a mistake.

I am the dictator,

and Pinky is my foolish guest.

- We all know Albrainia

is fake country, Brain.

MADURO: Hey, Brain,

are you pondering what I'm pondering?

[laughter]

- Ha ha.

I find it humorous that you would all mock my plans for world domination,

when you can't even get it right yourselves!

Kim Jong-un,

you rob your country blind, and all you can afford

is a five-dollar haircut.

And on that subject, Putin, what's receding faster?

Your sphere of influence or your hairline?

And Maduro. The only thing more inflated

than your ego is your currency.

Here's 10 million bolivar.

Go buy yourself a stick of gum,

you mouth-breather! - [sniveling] That was mean.

- And to your guests, you were all brought here

to be made fun of! [all gasp]

SOO YUN: Is this true?

- Wow. That's very uncool of you guys.

♪ "Benny Hill" style music playing ♪

[splattering]

- Whoa. Okay,

everyone need to take a pill of chill.

Get them.

- Party's over, Pinky. Let's get outta here!

♪ tense music playing ♪

[laughing]

- Ooh, look! A pressy circle! Press!

BRAIN: Why would they have a button that does that?

[gasps]

- Dinner and a swim! The perfect night out.

- Come, Pinky, we must prepare for tomorrow night.

- Why, Brain? What are we gonna do tomorrow night?

- The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the--

[struggling]

- [laughing] Narf!