Original subtitles

[thunder]

♪ Pinky & the Brain theme playing ♪

- Gee, Brain, what do you wanna do tonight?

- The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world! [thunder crashes]

♪

- ♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius ♪

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky, they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

- Expecting to see your two favorite mice

being dumb and smart or whatever it is that they do?

Unfortunately, nobody's seen them in months.

So, to fill the slot, I turned otherwise useless footage

into a nostalgic streaming experience!

You see, Pinky and the Brain wasn't always

the show we know and love today.

In fact, the studio struggled to find a vehicle

for the dynamic duo for a long,

long time.

What you're about to see

are the original pilots for Pinky and the Brain.

They've never been seen by anyone before.

Except the archival editor

who shaves his face over the water fountain.

So, open wide, baby birdies.

Mommy's about to regurgitate some slop

into your content-hungry mouths.

[retching]

[bars and tone]

♪ '50s-style music ♪

ANNOUNCER: The Pink and The Brain Show!

Starring Pinky!

And The Brain!

[canned laughter]

[grumble] [slam]

- [sighs] Pinky! I'm home!

I snuck out of work early because Old Man Jenkins

is taking the senior partners out for a celebratory dinner.

But of course, I didn't get the invite.

[sniffing]

Pinky, what is that putrid smell!?

[splatter] - That's din--

[applause]

That's dinner, Brain.

I made potatoes all rotten!

[canned laughter] [groans]

- It's potatoes au gratin,

you domestic doddypoll.

One of these days, I'm gonna

transfer the kinetic energy of my fist

into a force vector applied directly to your oral aperture!

- Ooh! I've never been to Connecticut. Sounds cozy.

[screaming studio laughter]

[laughter quiets down]

Hey, Brain!

Why don't we go celebrate me ruining dinner

by going to eat dinner at a fancy dinner restaurant?

- Ah, yes.

And let me guess.

Whatever restaurant we choose

will be the exact establishment my boss

[Director screams] and the senior partners are dining at

this evening, correct?

This, despite the fact that we live in

a sprawling metropolis, where the possibility

of picking the same restaurant is almost nil.

- Ahem. Spoiler alert.

[studio laughter]

- Warner Brothers...

[laughter continues]

[fire alarm ringing]

- Well, that's the last time I make those potatoes!

♪

- Test audiences found Brain's character

patriarchal, cruel, and sadistic.

Yah! [glass shatters]

Despite having everything a 1950s audience

was looking for in a TV husband,

the show failed due to creative differences.

But they gave him another shot a few years later.

[bars and tone]

♪ Brady Bunch-style music ♪

- ♪ Here's a ditty 'bout a mouse named Pinky ♪

♪ Who had three little Pinkies of her own ♪ [laughing]

♪ They all had fur that's white like their mama ♪

♪ The baby wore a cone ♪

♪ Here's a refrain 'bout a mouse named Brain ♪ [Brain yelps]

♪ He had three little Brain boys by his side... ♪

- No!

This is a flawed premise.

Nobody with three children would willingly sign up

for three more.

Who wrote this improbable drivel?

- Um, it was based on my life.

- Well, I suggest you write yourself a new one.

That's what I think of you, Warner Brothers!

[laughter] [crash]

♪

- Now, who's going to teach me how to drive?

- It's always about you!

Pinky, Pinky, Pinky!

- Eh, I can't say this one was all on Brain.

It was 1969.

Everyone was making bad decisions.

For instance, my sister Theodora

was born that year. [growls]

This next pilot took all the attention away from Mommy and Daddy

and lasted as long as Theodora's first marriage.

Enjoy.

[bars and tone]

[Warners laughing]

[panting]

♪ Cheers-style music ♪

- ♪ Getting through to the end of the day ♪

♪ Sure is pretty hard ♪

♪ Stepping back would surely shed ♪

♪ Some light on where you are ♪

♪ How would you like to take a break? ♪

♪ Don't you wanna be ♪

♪ Where the coffee's always hot? ♪

♪ And you know they'll brew another pot ♪

♪ Life is tough, and you are sad ♪

♪ So go and drink until you're glad ♪

♪ The coffee's black, and it is hot ♪

♪ Forget about everything you're not ♪

♪ Just go somewhere and avoid your problems ♪

♪ Instead of facing them ♪

♪ Yeah, coffee ♪

♪

♪ theme ends ♪

PINKY: Narfs is filmed in front of a live studio audience. Narfs!

[audience applause, cheering]

[grunts] [thunder crashes]

- Afternoon, Pinky. ALL: Brain!

- How does everyone in here know my name?

- This is a place where everybody knows your name.

Didn't you listen to the theme song?

- It didn't mention that in the theme song.

[coffee maker whistling] - Oh. Maybe that's that other song

that's almost the same, but way better.

- Regardless, it's quite a depressing ditty for a comedy show, don't you think?

Don't any of you have hopes or dreams? [coffee maker whistling, rattling]

- I hope I can get another coffee!

[audience laughter]

[laughing] - [sighs] Forget it.

[grunts] [laughter continues]

[whistling, rattling] - [laughing] Ooh?

BRAIN: Warner Brothers!

- It took Warner Brothers eight years

to calm Brain down. [grunts]

And when that didn't work, they threatened to make him

the "next Urkel."

And with that, he was back the same day

to shoot this next pilot.

[bars and tone]

♪ Fresh Prince of Bel Air-style music ♪

- ♪ So, this is a tale, I'm telling you how ♪

♪ A mouse's life got all messed around ♪

♪ And I'd rather take no time and tell you point blank ♪

♪ About how I became the Fresh Pinky of Burbank ♪

♪ Narf! Narf Narf! Narf! Poit! ♪

♪

[grunts]

[audience cheering]

- Pinky! You were supposed to be back over an hour ago!

- My bad, Brain. I guess I'm not used to the rules

because I'm from the wrong side of the tracks.

- Well, be that as it may, you're going to have a lot

of explaining to do when Mom and Dad get home.

- Why would I have to explain that I was late? [grunts]

They'll never know, unless you tell 'em.

AUDIENCE: Ooh...

- Are you suggesting that I lie

to my mother and father?

- All I'm saying is what they don't know can't hurt them.

[audience cheering]

- Wow, Pinky. I suppose despite my academic prowess,

I still can learn quite a bit from you.

- You're darn right, Brain. You've got the book smarts,

but I've got the street smarts.

- I've got street smarts, too! Heck,

I've even got street moves! Check it out!

[audience cheering] ♪ hip hop music playing ♪

[cheering continues]

They love me. They really, really love me!

♪

- Huzzah! What is the word, my good man?

[laughs] [crowd cheering]

[laughing]

[Egwind grunts]

[crickets chirping]

[crowd cheering] [grunts]

[audience gasps] - You philistines.

I've debased myself in front of you

with my circus chicanery,

and yet, you worship at the feet of this sunglassed buffoon!

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Woo! - Well, I will be your Pagliacci no more!

[Egwind gasps]

- Fare thee well!

[crash]

- Good riddance, you third rate,

third wheel ham actor!

[eagle screeches] [Egwind screams]

♪

I am finished doing terrible sitcom pilots!

There's more to life than being told

what to say and do all the time, Pinky!

Now, come with me! - Righto!

- We must prepare for tomorrow night.

- Why, Brain? What are we gonna do tomorrow night?

- Try to take over the world!

- And with that iconic proclamation,

the highly successful Pinky and the Brain franchise was born.

And now, it's dead

because they're missing.

[phone rings]

What is it!?

Oh! You found them!

Wonderful. Get them back on set!

[grunts] - How adorable.

She thinks she's punishing us, when she's actually punishing

our clones. - Clones?

- That's right.

♪

[alarm blares]

After receiving the latest script of our "adventures,"

I reached my breaking point.

I will no longer do the bidding of my television overlords.

Instead,

I have created clones who will do my bidding,

leaving us free to truly pursue world domination.

- So, you mean to tell me the Pinky and the Brain show

isn't going to be us anymore?

- Precisely. No one will be the wiser

as these clones are indistinguishable

from us in every facet!

- [Brain's voice]: Gee, Brain. What do you wanna do tonight?

- [Pinky's voice]: Pancakes!

- Narf... [inhales deeply]

- Egad! It's like looking in the mirror!

[sighs]

- Cloning is an art, not a science.

And alas, I am merely the world's foremost scientific mind.

Come, Pinky. We must prepare for tomorrow night.

- Why, Brain? What are we gonna do tomorrow night?

[gasps] Ooh, please let it be pancakes!

[machine hissing]

- The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[hissing, rattling]

♪