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1
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♪ theme song playing ♪
2
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:19,353
- ♪ It's time for Animaniacs! ♪
3
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:22,439
♪ And we're zany to the max ♪
4
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,441
♪ So just sit back and relax ♪
5
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:25,943
♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪
6
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,028
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
7
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,740
- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪
8
00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:34,701
♪ Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪
9
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:37,329
♪ They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪
10
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:40,290
♪ But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪
11
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,292
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
12
00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:45,754
♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪
13
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,047
♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪
14
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,799
♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪
15
00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,926
♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪
16
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,638
♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪
17
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:57,391
♪ A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪
18
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,142
♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪
19
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,519
♪ And ethnically diverse ♪
20
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,397
♪ The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪
21
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,899
♪ We're Animaniacs ♪
22
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,986
♪ You should see our new contracts ♪
23
00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:11,989
♪ We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪
24
00:01:11,989 --> 00:01:14,950
♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪
25
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,577
♪ Back again-y ♪
26
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:20,080
♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪
27
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:27,838
♪
28
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,091
♪
29
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,426
YAKKUS:
T-togas!
30
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,845
Show the folks back home
you've been to Rome
31
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,930
by wearing a T-toga!
32
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:40,017
- Scrolls to famous Senators' houses!
33
00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,394
- Pompeiian volcanic ash globes!
34
00:01:42,394 --> 00:01:45,939
Each globe contains
genuine mummified citizen!
35
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,192
[screaming]
36
00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:50,611
- Ah!
[straining]
37
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:53,363
- Actually, that's an anachronism.
38
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,700
Mount Vesuvius doesn't erupt until 79 AD,
39
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,119
another 11 years from now.
40
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,288
[glass shatters]
Lazy writing!
41
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:03,749
- [sighs] Do you guys think
opening a souvenir stall
42
00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:06,835
in an age where tourism doesn't
exist might've been a mistake?
43
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,670
- Quiet! The news is on!
44
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,173
- [clears throat] Citizens!
45
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:15,219
By hand of the Emperor Nero,
here follows the news!
46
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:18,805
General Corbulo has quelled
the uprising in Britannia!
47
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,891
Brexeunt has been defeated!
48
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,851
[applause, cheering]
49
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:26,939
And finally, Nero announces
a glorious increase in taxation
50
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:29,900
to fund the building of Hadrian's Wall.
51
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:35,280
Verily together, we shall keep
the barbarians out.
52
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,782
WAKKUS:
Hey, no fair!
53
00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:39,535
Nero said he'd make
the Caledonians pay for that wall.
54
00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,036
- This is an outrage!
55
00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:42,538
[grumbling]
56
00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:45,249
- Praetorians! Seize the dissenters!
57
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:48,377
♪
58
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:49,795
DOTTINA:
Ralphus?
59
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,922
That's who you got to do your dirty work?
60
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,258
- Is he wearing a cape?
61
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:56,260
[Warneruses laughing]
[Ralphus mumbles sadly]
62
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,054
♪
63
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:02,599
- You know, I've always thought that
capes were very slimming. [nervous laugh]
64
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,434
[fiddling]
65
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,687
[crowd chatter]
66
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:10,566
- Aurelia Severus,
the Gaul Fleet Journal.
67
00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:12,693
Many are claiming that the Senate shutdown
68
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:16,864
is merely a stunt to distract
from your plummeting approval rating.
69
00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:19,283
- Fraudulent heralding. Next.
70
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,994
- Pompus Acostus, Times New Roman.
71
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,996
- Who keeps letting this guy in?
72
00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,873
[fiddling]
- How do you respond to the allegations
73
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,166
you've accepted bribes from the Thracians?
74
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,378
- Tremendous tribespeople,
the Thracians. Good people.
75
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,755
Also, I'm feeding you to the lions.
76
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:35,465
[whimpering]
77
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:40,304
- Actually, the fiddle won't be invented
for another 800 years.
78
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:42,848
You should be playing the lyre.
79
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:45,934
This episode is barely watchable.
[angry grumbling]
80
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:50,272
- You know what?
I declare you all enemies of the people.
81
00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,191
Guards!
82
00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,609
[crowd gasps]
83
00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:56,028
[screaming]
84
00:03:56,028 --> 00:03:56,862
[slam]
85
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:02,159
RALPHUS:
Duh, Mr. De Niro!
86
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,661
These three won't pay their taxes!
87
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,164
- What!? This is an affront to-- Wait.
88
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:09,958
Are they members of
an ultra-rich ruling family?
89
00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:11,752
- Uh, no.
90
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:15,214
- This is an affront to me,
the Emperor himself!
91
00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:18,091
- You're the Emperor?
You look taller in the statues.
92
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,927
- Is that your real hair?
93
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,845
- Are those your real hands?
94
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,055
♪
95
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,766
- Yes. Now--
96
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,184
Ah! Get off!
97
00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:29,561
Yes, I am the great Nero!
98
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,438
I have royal blood on both sides!
99
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,733
Both sides, loyal subjects. You see...
100
00:04:35,984 --> 00:04:38,612
♪ playing "Major-General's Song" ♪
101
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,659
♪ I am the very model of
an ancient Roman Emperor ♪
102
00:04:43,659 --> 00:04:46,578
♪ I overspend and overtax
and overthrow my treasurer ♪
103
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:48,956
♪ I marry family members from
my cousin to my step-sister ♪
104
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,875
♪ I'm always right, I'm never wrong,
just ask this neutral Senator ♪
105
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,710
- Th-that is correct.
106
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:57,005
- ♪ Through sound investigation
by Praetorian inquisitors ♪
107
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,800
♪ My mother and my brother
were revealed to be conspirators ♪
108
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,344
♪ But Mother dear's no longer here,
this bust helps me remember her ♪
109
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:05,764
♪ I am the very model of
an ancient Roman Emperor ♪
110
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,934
- ♪ He fiddles while the city burns,
he rules with fear tyrannical ♪
111
00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,562
- ♪ He's lazy, brutish, and ill-willed,
he thinks that he's infallible ♪
112
00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:14,147
- ♪ His hands are small,
he steals from Gaul,
his writing's ungrammatical ♪
113
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:17,109
WARNERUSES:
♪ He's making Roma great again,
dogmatic, and fantastical ♪
114
00:05:17,109 --> 00:05:19,278
♪ He's gormless and irascible,
tragic and autocratical ♪
115
00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:21,655
♪ Maniacal and radical,
positions problematical ♪
116
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,950
♪ Takes endless golf sabbaticals,
his tweets are unsyntactical ♪
117
00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:27,536
- Um, we're still talking
about Nero, right?
118
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:30,247
- ♪ He's a narcissist, a petulant,
unscrupulous embezzler ♪
119
00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:33,250
♪ He is the very model of
an ancient Roman Emperor ♪
120
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,627
[growling]
121
00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:38,172
- You know? I'm starting to
think he didn't like our verse.
122
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:39,798
[roaring]
123
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:43,051
- Eh. I liked your original
version better anyhow.
124
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:45,053
- Citizens of Rome!
125
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:49,558
Nero is pleased to bring you
today's sacrif-- Um,
126
00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:52,811
I mean entirely fair battle!
127
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:55,189
- I hold the best games.
128
00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:58,483
Billions of citizens gaze
upon my games in wonder.
129
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,861
More than Emperor Caligula.
130
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:05,073
Plaice faith in my words, subjects,
for they speak of the truth.
131
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:08,327
Let the games begin!
[crowd cheering]
132
00:06:08,327 --> 00:06:10,037
[growling, snarling]
133
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:11,997
[roaring]
134
00:06:14,458 --> 00:06:16,043
[meows]
135
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,462
- I guess I'm just a cat person.
136
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:21,423
[meowing]
137
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,052
[yelling]
[tigers roaring]
138
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,678
- Help! Somebody!
139
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,722
Grab these pussy...
- Good night, everybody!
140
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,724
- ...cats! Ow!
141
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,601
[meowing]
142
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,229
[coughs]
143
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:37,898
- Are you not entertained?
144
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,149
[cheering]
145
00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:43,153
- [grunts] Release the barbarians!
146
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:47,574
- Your Emperor gives you
the barbarian horde!
147
00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,743
[guttural growl]
148
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,620
[as Schwarzenegger]
Portrayals of Germanic peoples
149
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:54,164
have been problematic for centuries!
150
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,958
Yaaaaaaaargggh!!!
[horde roaring]
151
00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:57,459
I'll hurt you now!
152
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:58,919
- I got this one, sibs.
153
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:01,755
[dialing]
154
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,632
Y'ello, Universal Legal Department?
155
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:05,592
That's right.
156
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,594
Okay, I'm receiving your fax now.
[dial-up modem connects]
157
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:13,308
I have here a DMCA takedown notice
158
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:16,812
demanding this unauthorized parody
of Conan The Barbarian
159
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,605
be removed
from this episode immediately.
160
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,232
- Ah, let me peruse.
161
00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:22,067
♪
162
00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,736
[sighs] It's watertight.
163
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:27,489
[disappointed grumbling]
164
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:30,617
- [growls] Release everything!
165
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:35,038
- Your Emperor proudly presents
the gladiators of Carthage!
166
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,708
♪
167
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:40,210
The gladiators of America!
168
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,254
♪
169
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:46,466
And undisputed SPQR
Greco-Roman wrestling champ,
170
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,719
John Cena!
♪ hip hop music playing ♪
171
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:51,013
[fireworks popping, crowd cheering]
172
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:54,016
♪
173
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:55,767
[hawk screeches]
174
00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:04,359
- Actually, I'm taking a break
from wrestling to try my comedy chops.
175
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:05,402
[clears throat]
176
00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:08,322
Roman walks into an inn,
holds up two fingers and says,
177
00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,532
"Give me five wines." Get it?
178
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,659
[quiet coughing]
179
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,914
What, no good?
- Stay in thy lane, fiend!
180
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:19,625
- Agreed! Less stand-up, more smackdown!
181
00:08:19,625 --> 00:08:20,542
[crowd cheering]
182
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,546
- Huh? Huh?
- Huh?
183
00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,341
- You know, there's more to my
character than just eating stuff.
184
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,550
♪
185
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,344
Oh, fine.
186
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:35,724
JOHN CENA: Ah!
[rumbling]
187
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,893
[spitting]
188
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,563
[precarious groaning]
189
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,608
So, this Medusa broad has
got to stop objectifying people.
190
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,401
Am I right?
191
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,320
[crash]
192
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,031
[crowd cheering]
[elephant bellows]
193
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,368
CROWD:
Warneruses! Warneruses!
194
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,161
Warneruses!
195
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:59,873
- Actually, Warnerus is
a second declension noun.
196
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:03,961
So, the plural for the nominative
case would be Warner--
197
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,587
[screaming]
[tigers roar]
198
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,423
[crowd cheering]
199
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:11,426
CROWD: Warneruses! Warneruses! Warneruses!
- Huh? Wha? [growls]
200
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:17,391
♪
201
00:09:21,854 --> 00:09:23,605
- Aw, sweetie.
202
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,775
It's low heat when you're
tumble drying plate mail.
203
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:29,862
- [grunts] My battle armor still fits.
204
00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:32,406
I have an astonishingly excellent figure.
205
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:34,283
- Let's just agree on astonishing.
206
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:36,660
♪
207
00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:39,496
- Ooh! Sword fight!
208
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,791
- About time! This tent-pole sketch
needs an elaborate action set piece.
209
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,044
- Those are very fair swords.
210
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,130
I'm very fair.
Most benevolent and generous.
211
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,381
I speak with veracity.
212
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:50,841
[klaxon horn blows]
213
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:55,304
This is very easy for me. I'm very nimble.
214
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:57,848
Tremendously nimble.
215
00:09:57,848 --> 00:10:01,143
So accurate are my words,
place confidence in them.
216
00:10:01,143 --> 00:10:03,061
[straining]
217
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,688
♪
218
00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:07,316
Oh, uh, rotate your hips through impact.
219
00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:10,611
I'm qualified to give this advice
as I'm an excellent golfer.
220
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,071
The best. Entrust in me your belief.
221
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,948
- Hey, thanks!
222
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,242
- Verily!
[crowd cheering]
223
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:19,912
[smash]
224
00:10:20,913 --> 00:10:22,456
[groans]
225
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:26,418
♪
226
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:29,296
Exile. Not so bad, exile.
227
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,006
Plenty of time to fiddle.
228
00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,634
[fiddling]
229
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,890
[fiddling continues]
230
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:44,311
Gather round, loyal subjects.
231
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:47,147
Don't we have a tremendous island here?
232
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,399
Much better than the other islands.
233
00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,237
Ah!
234
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:55,822
Ee! Ow! Oh! Ow!
235
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,324
Treachery! Treason!
236
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,493
Insurrection! Impeachment!
17277
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