Original subtitles

No, no, no. This is not funny.

Listen, when I pay top dollar to the funniest gagmen in Hollywood...

...to poop up a script, I want results!

I thought you wanted tuna salad.

[ALL LAUGHING]

-Oh, that's so very clever. -I gotta remember that. I'm writing it down.

Heh. Very clever, Sheggy. Okay, listen up.

I am bringing in the script doctor to fix this thing, Larry Gelboo.

[WRITERS GASP]

How did you get him? I hear he completely salvaged Casper.

Yeah, I hear he wrote all of Tom Hanks' ad-libs.

I hear he's a giant chicken.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

He's here.

Hey, hey, Larry.

WRITER 1: Hi. WRITER 2: Hi, Mr. Gelboo.

Hi. Okay, gang, so here's the setup:

Fred jumps in the car, okay.

A big boulder falls on him and he says...

"Let's rock 'n' roll"?

"The boulder and the beautiful.”

[GROANS]

Mr. Gelboo?

[CLUCKS]

[WRITERS LAUGHING]

-Hey, I like it. -Oh, no.

Oh, that's great. Larry, I love you, man. It's in.

Okay. Next one:

Fred goes to the driving range, ha, ha...

...and the golf club in his hand is actually a stork, who says...

Uh, "It's a living"?

That's been done. How about, uh, "It's my job"?

Oh, please.

Larry? Anything?

[CLUCKS]

[WRITERS LAUGHING]

WRITER 3: Hey, now you're talking. WRITER 4: Whoa. Yes. Yes.

Okay, okay, we are on a roll! I love my job!

Okay, last one. We get this gag and the script is final, all right?

Now, Fred is standing on this rock, which moves.

Turns out it's a big dinosaur head. So Fred says...

[CLUCKING]

-I don't get it. -You didn't say it right.

Larry?

[CLUCKING]

ALL: Ha-ha-ha. WRITER 4: Yes. Yes. Larry. Larry. Whoo!

Slam dunk, buddy. That is it. We are done.

This thing is final. Ho-ho. Whoo!

WRITER 3: Yeah, it's been a lot of fun. -Ah, okay, let's do some lunch.

Okay. We've got chicken salad sandwiches...

...Thai chicken satay, Santa Fe chicken fingerlings...

...chicken burritos, Caesar with barbecued chicken...

...and finally, chicken livers.

Pounded with, like, this big spiked mallet...

...then skewered and seared on a burning-hot pan with lemon.

[CLUCKING]

-Mr. Gelboo, what's wrong? -What gives with him? What--?

[ALL MURMURING]

[CONTINUES CLUCKING]

He is a chicken.

WRITER 1: Oh, get him out of here. Who needs this?

Come on. Out.

He's jumbo-sized And he wears a disguise

But he's not a man He is Chicken Boo

[ALL SCREAM]

ALL: Rush Limbaugh is on your sofa!

[ALL SCREAM]

Just kidding.

[ALL LAUGH]

[English - US - SDH]