Original subtitles

ALL [SINGING]: It's time for Animaniacs

And we're zany to the max

So just sit back and relax You'll laugh till you collapse

We're Animaniacs

-Come join the Warner brothers -And the Warner sister, Dot

WARNERS: Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot

They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught

But we break loose and then vamoose And now you know the plot

We're Animaniacs

Dot is cute and Yakko yaks

Wakko packs away the snacks We pay tons of income tax

We're Animaniacs

Meet Ralph and Dr. Scratchansniff And say hi to Hello, Nurse

Goodfeathers flock together Slappy whacks them with her purse

Buttons chases Mindy While Rita sings a verse

The writers flipped, we have no script Why bother to rehearse?

ALL: We're Animaniacs

We have pay-or-play contracts

We're zany to the max There's bologna in our slacks

We're Animan-y

Totally insane-y

Meet Mark Twain-y

Animaniacs

Those are the facts

[COUGHING]

[SINGING] There's no place on Earth

That is quite like Burbank

Fall under its spell

And you can't resist

The sights and the sounds

And the smells of Burbank

There's so much to see That it's hard to list

Just look over there at that lizard On the hot asphalt

[SIZZLING]

As it tries to cool its feet

And see all the buildings That are beige and brown

It's the same on every street

The friendly people Always wave and smile

As they drive from here to there

[DRIVERS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

And up in the sky

[HORNS HONKING]

Smog hangs like a chocolate éclair

-Oh! -Aah!

Burbank, I'm here

In your wondrous bosom

[DOG BARKING]

I'm pinching myself

Have my dreams come true?

Oh, B-U-R-B-A-N-K

Spells Burbank

Burbank, I love you

[SNIFFS THEN COUGHS]

PLOTZ: To be honest with you, Miss Flundergust...

...the fact you even want the job as the Warners' new nanny...

...tells me you're either very brave, heh, or very crazy.

Well, I'm certainly not brave.

Oh.

Now, ahem, I've asked the others here to join us...

...because nobody knows the Warners better than they do.

They've lived with the horror day after day...

...week after week, year after year.

[ALL SIGH]

Oh, come, now.

The children can't possibly be as beastly as all that.

They're not. They're worse.

[SINGING] They put termites in my pants Filled my coffee cup with ants

Then they shoved some macaroni Up my nose

[SINGING] Up his nose

-[SINGING] Always giving me a kiss -They sneak up on me like this

-Ate my toupee -And my lipstick

And my clothes

-They pop out of cookie jars -Slide a drawer and there they ares

I once found them whirling round

-Inside my ears -Inside his ear

ALL: There is nowhere they can't hide

Eats a doughnut, they's inside

ALL: They're too crazy, they're too zany They're—

WARNERS [SINGING]: Right here

Oh, what do you do with children Like us Warners?

What do you do to get us to obey?

We're really not so bad

If not just slightly mad

We can't help it if we like to play

Oh what do you do with children Like us Warners?

What do you do with eggs at a buffet?

It rhymed.

PLOTZ: Miss Flundergust, allow me to introduce the Warner heirs.

Oh, what dear, sweet, adorable, cute children.

She talking about us?

She said cute, didn't she?

-I'm so very pleased to meet you. -That will change.

Let me guess.

You must be Dit.

-Dot. -Dot. Right.

-Wicki. -Wakko.

Right. And you, you must be...

This ought to be good.

...Petie Pie.

Close. Good for you. It's Yakko.

And, uh, who might you be?

I'm Prunela Flundergust, your new nanny.

WARNERS: Oh.

And, oh, my, we're going to have such fun together.

We'll sing, we'll dance.

We'll bicycle wearing clothes made of upholstery fabric...

...and we'll eat all of the greens off of our plate.

Are you on medication?

[PRUNELA LAUGHING]

[WARNERS GRUNT]

I'm just sure we're going to get on famously together.

I know. To get things started off...

...what do you say we go on a wonderful picnic...

...right here in Burbank?

Oh, gee, sounds fun, but, uh...

A little help.

Oh, um, we can't.

We have to, um... To, uh...

Well, we've got to--

-Okay. -Perfect.

Wonderful.

Off we go, then.

-Oh, Dr. Scratchansniff? ALL: Heh, heh.

[GULPS]

Yeah?

The children said you simply must join us.

[WHIMPERS]

[HUMMING]

Ah.

Dr. Scratchansniff, your food is getting oh, so cold!

Just a minute.

[ZIPPER ZIPS]

[PRUNELA CHUCKLES]

I thought a bear had eaten you.

Well, you know, when nature calls, you have to pick up the phone and say:

"Hello, I got your message.

-I've got a package for you." WARNERS: Ew.

"I've got a package for you"?

Excuse me?

Oh, look who's talking, Mr. Potty-Emergency.

-Yeah, but I've never said "package." -Shh.

-This food is delicious. -Yes. Yum.

Ew.

[WARNERS GAG]

Oh, dear. Heh. I seem to have the itchies all of a sudden.

Look, Scratchy's itchy.

That bush you went in must have been poison oak.

Aah! Poison oak?

Oh, do let's sing about it.

About my poison oak?

Yes. Let's.

I think she's crazy.

WARNERS: Duh.

[PLAYING MELLOW FOLK SONG]

[SINGING] Poison oak

Poison oak

Makes you itch if you catch it

Is there a point to this cartoon?

I don't know, but we're still getting paid.

ALL: Cha-ching.

PRUNELA: Skin turns red

Blisters spread

Spread the more that you scratch it

Chafing and stinging The itch gets worse

Itch gets worse, it's burning Sing!

BOTH: Poison oak

Poison oak

For days to come, you'll be hurting

[LAUGHS]

Oh, my, wasn't that fun?

[LAUGHING]

I'm scared.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

[SNORING]

United States, Canada, Mexico, Jamaica, Haiti, Peru.

You left one out.

Left one out.

Newt Gingrich.

[SIGHS]

Don't be frightened.

It's only thunder.

-What is it? -Where?

Fear not, my little sweet things.

Thunder is just noise.

It can't hurt you.

So don't be scared, hmm?

Lady, the only thing scaring us around here is you.

[PRUNELA LAUGHS]

Oh, dear, sweet, adorable Petie Pie.

Don't worry. Prunela won't let anything eat you.

Why don't you go bug the kids on Goof Troop?

[PRUNELA LAUGHS]

Oh, dear, sweet, adorable Dit.

[DOT GRUNTING]

You know, whenever I'm scared like you...

...I ponder all the things that make me feel warm and squeezy inside.

You're not gonna sing again, are you?

Uh-huh.

[PRUNELA SINGS & WARNERS GROAN]

[SINGING] Fun Bob Hope specials And spam on the griddle

Small bouncing babies With long strands of spittle

YAKKO & WAKKO: Ugh. -Mary Hart's hair

Shriners in a parade

-That's what I ponder when I am afraid WARNERS: Aah!

[ALL SCREAM]

Paintings of children With really huge eyeballs

Big chubby cats As they cough up their hair balls

Paul Harvey's head Crushing bugs with a spade

That's what I ponder when I am afraid

Fuzzy slippers, Leonard Maltin And those Olsen twins

Just ponder these thoughts When fear has you ensnared

Your frowns will turn into grins

-Mwah, mwah, mwah. -Yuck.

Good night.

I've got to get rid of her.

I can't take it.

[WAKKO GRUNTING]

[SINGING] Deep in a valley a grumpy chicken

[CLUCKING]

I hear the pitter-patter of cute little footsteps.

I know what you want, some nice warm milk.

Uh-huh.

DOT & YAKKO: Well?

How come Wakko didn't smack her with the mallet?

[CHUCKLES]

I have to chuckle, Ricola, because you see, it's not that simple.

It's not?

Oh, heck no.

The only thing Prunela has done...

...Is to be overly friendly and sing a lot of stupid songs.

Your dad is right, Ricola.

See, we only use force when someone has provoked us by being mean or rude.

Hey, you little pig. That's my popcorn. Now, go on and get your own.

Okay, now, there's a perfect example.

Your dad just provoked Wakko and got hit with a mallet.

Oh, now I get it.

So you're gonna have to get Prunela to provoke you.

Exactly.

How are you gonna do it?

We'll show you right after a few of these messages.

[HUMMING]

[SNIFFS]

Ah.

Breakfast time.

Yummy oatmeal for Dit, Wicki and Petie Pie.

WARNERS: Yuck.

-To be honest, we don't do oatmeal. -Don't do oatmeal?

But it's the most wonderful, most delicious...

...and, oh, my, most wholesome breakfast food in the whole wide world.

Why, you simply must...

[SINGING] Eat all your oatmeal

Chew every bite

Now.

Lumpy, clumpy oatmeal

Makes you feel just right

WARNERS [SINGING]: We had a little doggy We used to call him Fred

But now we call him nothing The reason is he's dead, hey

That ought to make her mad.

When I think of oatmeal

It makes my heart throb

You were saying?

Every small, gooey drop

Every big, steamy glob

Who put a rat in Margaret's bed? Who put a spike through Norman's head?

Who, oh, who is doing all these things? Yeehaw

Eat all your oatmeal

Just shove it in

Lumpy, clumpy oatmeal

[BUGLE HONKS]

Makes your colon grin

[TRAIN CRASHES]

[ALL PANTING]

That was wonderful.

You children certainly know how to brighten up a song.

Aren't you mad at us for ruining your singing?

I'd say we deserve a spanking, right on our fanny.

WARNERS: Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

I'd say you deserve a picnic.

I'll go get the basket.

Well, sibs, there's only one thing left to do.

We may be bound by a certain moral code...

...but I know someone who isn't.

Someone who's raised pointless violence to a fine art.

DOT & WAKKO: Who?

All right, I'll do it. But I want scale plus 50 percent for this little cameo.

-No problem. -Thanks, Slappy.

What a pal.

[WEAPONS CLANGING]

If Skippy comes by, tell him I'll be back after happy hour.

[ALL GIGGLE]

Oh, children, where are you?

Well, hello there, little squirrel.

Let me hug you.

[SLAPPY GRUNTS]

Just a second.

WARNERS: Hee-hee. -This one's on the house.

[ALL GIGGLING]

Hold this. See you.

Oh, firework--

Whee!

No! You children are horrible.

MAN: That's the fifth nanny you've driven out this month.

Isn't there anyone that can control you children?

Whee!

[PRUNELA GRUNTS]

Hello.

[ALL SLURP]

ALL: Ah. Free at last.

Hello, I'm your new nanny.

WARNERS: Slappy!

Slappy!

Huh.

Chicken Boo What's the matter with you?

You don't act like the other chickens do

You're jumbo-sized And you wear a disguise

But you're not a man You're a chicken, Boo