Original subtitles

MAN: Captain's log. Ouch.

Let's be more careful with my log up there.

Captain's log, stardate 2995 plus tax.

We are expecting the arrival of a delegation from Starfleet for our annual inspection.

Delegates requesting permission to transport, sir.

Beam them up, Mr. Squat.

SQUAT: Aye, aye, sir. Energizing.

ALL: We're here.

Huh?

Look, there's Squaty.

Squaty, Squaty, Squaty.

-You look bigger in the movies. -Much bigger.

You're the delegates from Starfleet?

Actually, the real delegates couldn't make it.

They were really busy.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[VIDEO GAME BLEEPING]

So they sent us instead.

Come, siblings. Our five-minute mission:

To seek out new life and new satirizations...

...to boldly go where no Warners have gone before.

[TOILETS FLUSH]

YAKKO, WAKKO & DOT: Mission accomplished.

[YAKKO, WAKKO & DOT SCATTING]

[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT] I almost forgot. I brought you a present.

Ack. What is it?

It's a 20th-century Earth food called a doughnut.

It has your name written all over it.

Mm, mm. Mm, mm.

Mr. Squadoo, set a course for Acme 5, warp factor 3.

Aye, captain.

Captain, there appears to be an anomaly occurring...

...almost as if a crew member was pushing buttons randomly.

Hey, do these things really work?

What are you doing? Stop that. Go away.

Pressing those buttons is highly illogical.

I bet you say that to all the girls.

SPORK: Captain, there are annoying life-forms on the Bridge.

Who are you?

BOTH [IMITATING KORK]: The Warner brothers.

[IMITATING KORK] And the Warner sister.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Come on, cap, let's go back to New York in the 1930s.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] You can fall in love with Joan Collins.

And then she'll die.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Let's go looking for Mr. Spork's brain.

-Or Harry Mudd. -Or Roger Mudd.

I wanna swim with the whales.

We're your biggest fans.

Fans? What are you talking about?

About Star Truck. It's our favorite show.

Show? Truck? I don't understand.

Jim, what the devil's going on up here? And what are those creatures?

We're cling-ons. Get it?

Doctor, get them down to Sickbay and see if you can make any sense out of them.

What's the latest, McBones?

They're in bed, Jim.

I can see that, but what are they?

Incredibly cute.

To determine what they are, I am going to attempt a Vorcan mind-meld.

Make mine a patty melt.

[PLAYS RIMSHOT]

McCROY: What's wrong, Spork?

I cannot get through.

His mind is filled with useless trivia relating to a television program...

...from the mid-20th century called Star Truck.

[GROANING]

Hello, nurse.

[GASPS]

Spork, are you all right?

Faboo, captain.

Fascinating. Live long and perspire.

[ALARM WAILING]

Squaty, what's going on down there?

I cannot tell you, captain. I'm kind of busy at the moment.

Duplicator, more doughnuts.

[KORK GRUNTING]

-We're being hailed, captain. -On-screen.

Kork, I shall exact my revenge for being stranded on that planet.

Look, it's Ricardo Montalbomb and his big plastic chest.

Ooh. He's dreamy too.

[ALL COUGHING]

Korn! What are you doing?

I am taking over your ship.

[GRUNTING]

Lucky thing we've seen this episode.

About 50 times.

[PURRS]

[IMITATING KORK] Now, crew, how to deal with Korn? Suggestions?

Perhaps I could distract him with a fancy fan dance?

That's not going to work. There's nothing we can do. We're doomed.

Actually, captain, if I fuse the contents of a classic Star Truck episode...

...with an Animaniacs episode, I may have a solution.

It's worth a try, Mr. Wak.

CREW: Oh. Oh.

You, you saved us.

How can we ever repay you?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Promise not to sue us.

Promise.

Now it's time to explore our final frontier.

YAKKO, WAKKO & DOT: Home.

Squaty, sugar, I have just two words...

...that are gonna be very important in your future, okay, hon? Jenny Craig.

Mr. Squat, energize.

[GRUNTING]

I cannot reach.

I'll do it.

ALL: Good night, everybody.

So, what did we learn from those beings?

[BURPS]

Yes, I thought so.

SQUAT: Captain, two new Starfleet delegates are now beaming aboard.

Energize, Mr. Squat.

[GASPS]

Pinky, set phasers on conquering-the-universe.

Righty-o, Brain.