Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Ancient Greece.

Over 2000 years ago, Greek mortals worshiped many deities...

...including Zeus, who ruled from Mount Olympus...

...and whose son was Hercules.

Yes, Hercules.

The greatest mortal hero Greece had ever known.

The ultimate symbol of strength and courage.

[SOBBING]

My mean old dad, Zeus, gave me 12 trials.

A dozen big chores to do and I don't wanna do them.

[WHINING]

[HERCULES SCREAMS]

ZEUS: Hercules, finish your 12 labors and quit goofing off.

Hey, watch it. You singed my toga.

I'm lost. Is that our cue?

I don't know.

[HERCULES SOBBING]

Excuse us. What was that last line?

Um... "You singed my toga"?

No, no. The line before that.

"My mean old dad, Zeus"?

No, before that.

Go away. You annoy me.

That's it. That's our cue.

Hello, Male Nurse.

By Zeus' beard.

No, we're not buying Zeus' beard.

But I do own Elvis' sideburns.

Who are you?

[IN UNISON] We're the Warner brothers.

-I'm Yakkoleus. -I'm Wakkamemnon.

And I'm their adorable sister, the goddess of cuteness, Aphrodotty.

And we're here to help you with your 12 chores.

So how about a kiss?

Ew. Who's been eating garlic?

[SPITTING]

Well, I did have Italian for lunch.

Yuch. Boy, that's nasty.

[SIGHS]

Are you okay?

Yeah. No. I don't know. I guess.

I'm just not in the mood today.

You wanna just skip this cartoon?

-Yeah. -Okay.

See you, pal.

Hey, hey, hey, wait. What about helping me with my chores?

Ow!

[THUNDER CRASHING]

Gah!

ZEUS: Get to work, Hercules.

Where do I start?

ZEUS: Start by cleaning out the Aegean stables.

[FLIES BUZZING]

[SNIFFS]

Ew.

You always make me do the hard stuff just because I'm super-duper strong.

Guy.

[SOBBING]

ZEUS: Stop whining and start shoveling.

I'm not whining.

[GRUNTING]

All right, all right. I'm shoveling!

Okay, class, are you ready for question number V?

CLASS: Yes, Mr. Aristotle.

All right, then. What is the secret to Zeus' unlimited powers?

Come on, come on, come on. We covered this in Chapter X-double-I.

The secret to Zeus' unlimited powers is his mighty lightning bolt.

Got that, you little goofs?

[THUNDER CRASHING]

Lightning bolt equals unlimited power.

And we, Pinkus, shall steal Zeus' lightning bolt...

...overthrow his kingdom and then take over the world.

Zounds! Great idea, Brain, but how do we get way up to the tippy top...

...of Mount Olympus where Zeus lives?

BRAIN: I have that figured out, Pinkus.

Behold, across the street...

...the Aegean stables...

...where legendary, famed and godlike horse, Pegasus, spends the day.

But at night, he flies back to Mount Olympus.

And tonight, Pinkus, we shall be on that flight.

Oh, I love to fly. Zhoom-zhoom. Ha-ha.

Oh, can I have your little bag of complimentary peanuts, Brain?

Heh. Your anachronistic jest amuses me, Pinkus.

Now, be quiet or I shall have to hurt you.

Mum's the word, Brain.

[DOGS BARKING]

BRAIN: Run, Pinky. Run.

Next time, Pinkus, let sleeping guard dogs lie...

...especially when they have three heads.

Funny, the middle head seemed so friendly.

[FLIES BUZZING]

I hate this chore.

That's right, Pegasus, dishwashing liquid. You're soaking in it.

Okay, okay, so get this. Mercury's supposed to take me dancing, but he shows up late...

...and says, "Sorry, Medusa, but I just flew down from Olympus...

...and my feet are Killing me."

Oh, he is such a snake in the grass, which, of course, I like.

[NEIGHS THEN SNORTS]

Listen, Peg, I know you gotta fly out of here, but I'm dying to braid your tail. No charge.

[WHINNYING]

There he is, Pinkus, in all his winged glory.

Aha. That shovel shall serve as the perfect gangplank.

[NEIGHING]

[HERCULES SIGHS]

Ooh. I'm gonna need a manicure after all this work.

BOTH: Oh!

[BOTH GASP THEN SCREAM]

[GASPS]

[PINKY & BRAIN PANTING]

Hey, this manure is staring at me.

Ew. Enchanted manure.

Kill it. Kill it. Kill it.

Oh! Be gone, foul manure sprites.

[SCREAMS]

[BOTH GASP]

[NEIGHS]

[SCREAMING]

Scary sprites. What--?

Oh, great, my snakes are all wet and I won't be able to do a thing with them.

[PINKY & BRAIN SCREAMING]

Mount Olympus, here we come.

I never should have bought Hercules that chariot for graduation.

The boy simply has no work ethic.

Upon that table, Pinkus, Zeus' mighty lightning bolt.

Gee, Brain, I hope he's got it charged up.

All power is ours, Pinkus.

Now to take over the world.

[GRUNTING]

Come celebrate the moments.

Well, I'll be a Minotaur's uncle. Do you believe this?

Hercules is taking a coffee break.

Where's my lightning bolt?

[GRUNTING]

I'll teach that lazy bum to shirk his duties.

[PINKY & BRAIN SCREAMING]

I sense the pivotal moment of failure quickly approaches.

But alas, Pinkus, our overthrow of the world will just have to wait.

Till someone invents Bactine?

[PINKY GROANS]

Huh? What happened?

ZEUS: You've cleaned the Aegean stables, Hercules. Well done.

And as your reward, you are to marry the greatest goddess in all of Greece.

Who? The goddess of love? The goddess of beauty?

ZEUS: No, the goddess of cuteness.

Aphrodotty.

You again?

I decided I can live with your garlic breath after all.

You may kiss the bride.

Mm!

Good night, everybody.

It's that time again.

To explore Rush Limbaugh?

To share a pie with Newt Gingrich?

No. It's time to learn today's lesson.

And to find out what it is, we turn to the wheel of mortality.

Wheel of mortality, turn, turn, turn

Tell us the lesson that we should learn

Moral number two.

And the moral of today's story is:

To be or not to be, that is the pencil.

Very sharp.

-And yet, also pointless. -Exactly.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

ALL: Yikes!

Wanna hear me burp the theme to Friends?

Uh... How about not?

[English - US - SDH]