Original subtitles

DATELINE--HOLLYWOOD, 1930,

THE WARNER BROS. STUDIO.

AT THE STUDIO'S NEW ANIMATION DEPARTMENT,

ARTISTS TOILED ENDLESSLY TO COME UP WITH CARTOON STARS,

ULTIMATELY CREATING THREE NEW CHARACTERS--

THE WARNER BROTHERS AND THEIR SISTER, DOT.

HELLO, NURSE!

UNFORTUNATELY, THE WARNER KIDS WERE TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

BOINGY, BOINGY,

BOINGY, BOINGY!

THE TRIO RAN AMOK THROUGHOUT THE STUDIO...

UNTIL THEIR CAPTURE.

THE WARNERS' FILMS,

WHICH MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE,

WERE LOCKED IN THE STUDIO VAULT, NEVER TO BE RELEASED.

AS FOR THE WARNERS THEMSELVES,

THEY WERE LOCKED IN THE STUDIO WATER TOWER,

ALSO NEVER TO BE RELEASED.

PUBLICLY, THE STUDIO HAS DISAVOWED ANY KNOWLEDGE

OF THE WARNERS' EXISTENCE TO THIS VERY DAY...

WHEN THE WARNERS ESCAPED.

* IT'S TIME FOR ANIMANIACS *

* AND WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* SO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX *

* YOU'LL LAUGH TILL YOU COLLAPSE *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* COME JOIN THE WARNER BROTHERS *

* AND THE WARNER SISTER DOT *

* JUST FOR FUN WE RUN AROUND *

* THE WARNER MOVIE LOT

* THEY LOCK US IN THE TOWER *

* WHENEVER WE GET CAUGHT

* BUT WE BREAK LOOSE AND THEN VAMOOSE *

* AND NOW YOU KNOW THE PLOT *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* DOT IS CUTE

* AND YAKKO YAKS

* WAKKO PACKS AWAY THE SNACKS *

* WHILE BILL CLINTON PLAYS THE SAX *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* MEET PINKY AND THE BRAIN

* WHO WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE *

* GOODFEATHERS FLOCK TOGETHER *

* SLAPPY WHACKS 'EM WITH HER PURSE *

* BUTTONS CHASES MINDY

* WHILE RITA SINGS A VERSE

* THE WRITERS FLIPPED, WE HAVE NO SCRIPT *

* WHY BOTHER TO REHEARSE?

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* WE HAVE PAY-OR-PLAY CONTRACTS *

* WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* THERE'S BALONEY IN OUR SLACKS *

* WE'RE ANIMANEE *

* TOTALLY INSANE-Y

* PINKY AND THE BRAINY

* ANIMANIACS

* THOSE ARE THE FACTS *

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

AND NOW, THE NATIONS OF THE WORLD,

BROUGHT TO YOU BY YAKKO WARNER.

* UNITED STATES, CANADA, MEXICO, PANAMA *

* HAITI, JAMAICA, PERU

* REPUBLIC DOMINICAN, CUBA, CARIBBEAN *

* GREENLAND, EL SALVADOR, TOO *

* PUERTO RICO, COLOMBIA, VENEZUELA *

* HONDURAS, GUYANA, AND STILL *

* GUATEMALA, BOLIVIA, THEN ARGENTINA *

* AND ECUADOR, CHILE, BRAZIL *

* COSTA RICA, BELIZE, NICARAGUA *

* BERMUDA, BAHAMAS, TOBAGO, SAN JUAN *

* PARAGUAY, URUGUAY, SURINAME *

* AND FRENCH GUIANA, BARBADOS, AND GUAM *

* NORWAY AND SWEDEN AND ICELAND AND FINLAND *

* AND GERMANY NOW IN ONE PIECE *

* SWITZERLAND, AUSTRIA, CZECHOSLOVAKIA *

* ITALY, TURKEY, AND GREECE *

* POLAND, ROMANIA, SCOTLAND, ALBANIA *

* IRELAND, RUSSIA, OMAN

* BULGARIA, SAUDI ARABIA, HUNGARY *

* CYPRUS, IRAQ, AND IRAN

* THERE'S SYRIA, LEBANON, ISRAEL *

* JORDAN, BOTH YEMENS, KUWAIT, AND BAHRAIN *

* THE NETHERLANDS, LUXEMBOURG, BELGIUM, AND PORTUGAL *

* FRANCE, ENGLAND, DENMARK, AND SPAIN *

* INDIA, PAKISTAN, BURMA, AFGHANISTAN *

* THAILAND, NEPAL, AND BHUTAN *

* KAMPUCHEA, MALAYSIA, THEN BANGLADESH, ASIA *

* AND CHINA, KOREA, JAPAN *

* MONGOLIA, LAOS, AND TIBET, INDONESIA *

* THE PHILIPPINE ISLANDS, TAIWAN *

* SRI LANKA, NEW GUINEA, SUMATRA, NEW ZEALAND *

* THEN BORNEO AND VIETNAM *

* TUNISIA, MOROCCO, UGANDA, ANGOLA *

* ZIMBABWE, DJIBOUTI, BOTSWANA *

* MOZAMBIQUE, ZAMBIA, SWAZILAND *

* GAMBIA, GUINEA, ALGERIA, GHANA *

* UGANDA, LESOTHO, AND MALAWI, TOGO *

* THE SPANISH SAHARA IS GONE *

* NIGER, NIGERIA, CHAD, AND LIBERIA *

* EGYPT, BENIN, AND GABON

* TANZANIA, SOMALIA, KENYA, AND MALI *

* SIERRA LEONE AND ALGIER

* DAHOMEY, NAMIBIA, SENEGAL, LIBYA *

* CAMEROON, CONGO, ZAIRE

* ETHIOPIA, GUINEA, BASSAM, MADAGASCAR *

* RWANDA, MAYOTTE, AND CAYMAN *

* HONG KONG, ABU DHABI, CATALJA, YUGOSLAVIA *

* CRETE, MAURITANIA, THEN TRANSYLVANIA *

* MONACO, LIECHTENSTEIN, MALTA, AND PALESTINE *

* FIJI, AUSTRALIA, SUDAN *

* OPEN YOUR DOORS AND BUY OUR COOKIES *

* YODEL LIDDLE LADDLE LADDLE YADLE ODLE EE *

* SUPPORT THE SCOUTS, GET OUT YOUR WALLET *

* YODEL LIDDLE LADDLE LADDLE YADLE ODLE EE *

* YODEL LAY HEE HOO

* YODEL AH HA HAA

* YODEL LAY HEE HEE

* YODEL LIDDLE LADDLE YADDLE ODLE DIBBLE DODLE DOODLE *

* DUM DUM DEE DEE *

SORRY, IT'S THE CHOCOLATE TALKING.

HOT CHOCOLATE!

HOT CHOCOLATE!

HELLO, SWISS NURSE MISS!

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

WE GOT COOKIES TO SELL.

WELL, SCOUTS, THERE IT IS--

THE LAST HOUSE.

WE ONLY NEED TO SELL ONE MORE BOX

TO GET MERIT BADGES.

ALBERT EINSTEIN...

HE SOUNDS DREAMY.

IF THE SUN IS "P," AND GRAVITY IS "H,"

IT MAKES A "PHHH!"

NO, NO, NO, NO!

THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY HAS ESCAPED ME.

WHY CAN'T I GET IT?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

OHH! THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT.

I'M THINKING ABOUT BLACK HOLES.

LIKE BLACKHEADS?

YOU'RE A DERMATOLOGIST.

I AM NOT!

I AM ALBERT EINSTEIN,

WORLD FAMOUS PHYSICIST.

I'VE NEVER HAD A CYST,

BUT WAKKO'S GOT A WART.

EW.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

DO YOU WANT TO BUY SOME KIDSCOUT COOKIES?

COOKIES? WHAT WOULD I DO WITH COOKIES?

YA EAT THEM, SILLY MUSTACHE MAN.

WHOA. DUMBER THAN ADVERTISED.

I DON'T WANT COOKIES.

I'M TRYING TO UNLOCK MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE.

BE GOOD SCOUTS--RUN AWAY!

GOODBYE, MERIT BADGES.

OH, OH!

MY HEART ACHES WITH THE SORROW OF 1,000 SCOUTS.

NO MERIT BADGE.

I MOURN MY LOSS.

[CRYING]

SAY, THOSE ACTING CLASSES ARE REALLY PAYING OFF.

THINK SO?

DON'T WORRY.

WE'LL SELL THAT MAN COOKIES, OR DIE TRYING!

OR TRY DYING!

OR DO SOME TIE-DYEING!

AND NOW, TO MEASURE THE SPEED OF LIGHT.

BOY, THAT'S QUICK!

OH!

HELLO! HELLO! HELLO!

SO, HOW ABOUT IT?

WANT SOME COOKIES?

NO, NO, NO COOKIES!

HOW ABOUT A CHIA PET?

NO, I--

OH, LOOK AT THAT.

OH, IT'S GOT LITTLE FUZZY GRASS.

WELL--NO, I CAN'T! I CAN'T!

DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

I CAN'T BE DISTURBED.

I'M TRYING TO FIND AN EQUATION THAT EXPLAINS THE UNIVERSE!

SHOULDN'T YOU STICK TO SKIN DISORDERS?

I AM NOT A DERMATOLOGIST!

ALL RIGHT, WE GET THE PICTURE.

IF YOU DON'T WANT ANY COOKIES, JUST LEAVE.

I'M NOT LEAVING. IT'S MY HOUSE.

ALL RIGHT THEN. YOU LEAVE.

FINE.

ARGH!

NOW WHAT?

NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE HARD SELL.

NO MORE DISRUPTIONS.

HELLO!

AAH!

YOU!

THIS IS A EWE. WE'RE JUST PLAIN OLD US.

WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?

WE GOT A DEAL FOR YOU!

FOR A LIMITED TIME, BUY OUR COOKIES,

AND WE'LL THROW IN THE ACME POCKET FISHERMAN!

POCKET FISHERMAN COMES COMPLETE

WITH FISHING POLE, TACKLE BOX, AND POTTY.

HE'S SMALL, BUT HE EATS.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE.

YOU'LL ALSO GET THE AMAZING ACME HAIR MAGNET.

A UNIQUE SOLUTION TO FINE, LIMP HAIR.

SMILE!

YOU DIDN'T SMILE.

TO GET THE COOKIES, POCKET FISHERMAN, AND HAIR MAGNET,

HERE'S HOW TO ORDER.

HI, I'M DOT, AN OPERATOR HERE AT ACME.

ORDER NOW, AND WE'LL THROW IN

UNEXPLAINED MYSTERIES OF FUDGE.

CALL NOW!

[CRYING]

HE CAN'T TAKE MORE, CAPTAIN. HE'S ABOUT TO BLOW!

YOU REALLY DON'T WANT ANY, HUH?

HOW CAN I EAT COOKIES

WHEN THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY HAS ESCAPED ME?

IT'S WRONG!

ALL WRONG!

I AM A FAILURE.

EINSTEIN IS A DUMMY.

STUPID EINSTEIN DUMMY BOY.

[WHISPERING]

HEY, EINSTEIN!

* WHENEVER WE'RE FEELING BLUE *

* HERE'S WHAT WE ALWAYS DO *

* WHEN YOUR FACE IS LONG, SING THE ACME SONG *

* YOU'LL FEEL SO FRESH AND NEW *

* THERE'S THE "A," THAT'S FIRST *

* THERE'S A "C," THAT'S NEXT *

* THERE'S AN "M," YOU'RE ALMOST DONE *

* THERE'S THE "E," IT'S LAST *

* NOW, SPELL IT OUT

* A-C-M-E, THAT'S FUN *

NOW BACKWARDS!

* THERE'S THE "E," THAT'S LAST *

* THERE'S THE "M," IT'S NEXT *

* THERE'S "C," YOU'RE ALMOST DONE *

* THERE'S THE "A," IT'S FIRST *

* WHAT'S FIRST IS LAST *

* E-M-C-A, WE'RE DONE **

PRETTY GOOD, WAKKO,

BUT YOUR "A" ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE A 2.

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S IT!

THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY!

"E" EQUALS MC SQUARED.

ENERGY EQUALS MASS TIMES THE SPEED OF LIGHT SQUARED.

YOU KIDS IS GENIUSES!

"E" EQUALS MC SQUARED!

"E" EQUALS MC SQUARED!

"E" EQUALS MC SQUARED!

THE NOBEL PRIZE IN PHYSICS

GOES TO ALBERT EINSTEIN AND...

THE WARNER BROTHERS.

AND THE WARNER SISTER!

HEY, IT'S NO MERIT BADGE, BUT IT'LL DO.

GEE, BRAIN. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT?

THE SAME THING WE ALWAYS DO--

TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

* THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN *

* YES, PINKY AND THE BRAIN

* ONE IS A GENIUS

* THE OTHER'S INSANE *

* THEY'RE LABORATORY MICE *

* THEIR GENES HAVE BEEN SPLICED *

* THEY'RE PINKY *

* THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN *

* BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN

* BRAIN *

I HOPE YOU'RE PREPARED, PINKY,

FOR TONIGHT'S PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD

PROMISES TO BE EXTRAORDINARY.

[CANNED LAUGHTER]

PINKY?

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

BANG! ZOOM! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

BANG! ZOOM! RIGHT IN THE KISSER! NARF!

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

YOU WATCH TOO MUCH TV, PINKY.

BANG! ZOOM!

STOP SAYING THAT, PINKY,

OR I SHALL HAVE TO HURT YOU.

OH. O.K. SORRY, BRAIN. NARF!

EGAD!

YOU ASTOUND ME, BRAIN.

THAT'S A SIMPLE TASK, PINKY.

ONCE WE CONSTRUCT A SUPER-CONDUCTIVE MAGNETIC INFINDIBULATOR,

THE WORLD WILL BE OURS! PINKY?

IT IS OFTEN SAID WHEN A GOLFER TEES OFF. ALVEY?

WHAT IS FOUR, ALEX?

WHAT IS NARF!

UH, WHAT IS POINT!

WHAT IS INORDINATELY SHORT ATTENTION SPAN, ALEX?

THE PLANS, PINKY,

FOR THE SUPER-CONDUCTIVE MAGNETIC INFINDIBULATOR.

SHALL I EXPLAIN HOW IT WORKS?

NARF!

CHALLENGE ME!

I'M SURE I WILL.

BY USING THE INFINDIBULATOR

TO DEPLETE HYDROGEN AND PROMOTE GRAVITATIONAL COLLAPSE,

WE WILL PRODUCE A MAGNETIC CHARGE

FROM THE EARTH SO STRONG,

THAT EVERYONE WITH LOOSE CHANGE IN THEIR POCKETS

WILL BE DRAWN TO THE GROUND AND STICK!

EGAD, BRAIN! BRILLIANT!

UH-OH. WAIT. WHAT IF THEY TAKE OFF THEIR PANTS?

THEN WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD QUICKLY.

EVERY ITEM WE NEED IS HERE IN THE LAB, SAVE ONE--

THE INFINDIBULATOR.

BUT I KNOW WHERE WE CAN GET ONE-- THE FARMER'S ALMANAC.

URGH...

OOH! OOH!

THANKS.

AHH, HERE WE ARE.

"BUILD YOUR OWN INFINDIBULATOR

"WITH THINGS YOU HAVE AROUND THE HOME.

ONLY $99,000."

[GASP]

$99,000? NARF!

WHERE WE GOING TO GET THAT, BRAIN?

[BUZZER]

SORRY, MATILDA. THAT'S INCORRECT.

HOW MUCH DID YOU WAGER?

ALL OF IT! TOO BAD,

BECAUSE YOU COULD HAVE WON $99,000.

PINKY, ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?

I THINK SO, BRAIN.

BUT WHERE ARE WE GOING TO FIND A DUCK AND HOSE NOW?

THE MONEY, PINKY.

I CAN GO ON THAT SHOW AND WIN THE MONEY FOR THE INFINDIBULATOR.

EGAD, BRAIN--

OH, NO. BUT THE QUESTIONS ON GYP-PARODY

ARE INCREDIBLY HARD.

YOU'D HAVE TO GET EVERY ONE RIGHT.

QUIZ ME.

ASK ME ANYTHING.

NARF!

UH, O.K.

WHAT IS PIE?

THE RATIO OF THE CIRCUMFERENCE

OF A CIRCLE TO ITS DIAMETER HAVING A VALUE OF 3.14159265.

BUT ASK ME SOMETHING DIFFICULT, PINKY.

UH...UH...NARF. OH, O.K.!

WHAT TV CHARACTER SAYS, "BANG! ZOOM!"

I TOLD YOU TO STOP SAYING THAT.

I DON'T CARE WHO SAYS THAT.

RALPH KRAMDEN!

TA-DA!

WE MUST PREPARE.

URGH!

ARGH!

ARGH! URGH!

THAT DOES IT.

I'M GOING IN.

HONEY, I'M HOME.

HA HA HA!

OH, THAT'S A FUNNY JOKE, BRAIN.

I AM NOT DEVOID OF HUMOR.

PREPARE FOR DEPARTURE!

NARF!

TAXI!

TAXI!

THE TELEVISION STATION, PLEASE.

YOU GOT IT.

WHOA! HEY...IF YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING,

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HEAD?

NOTHING.

I AM A MOUSE IN A LARGE MECHANICAL SUIT.

HEY, O.K.,

MY FAULT FOR ASKING, RIGHT?

THIS IS GYP-PARODY!

OUR RETURNING CHAMPION, ALVEY!

AND PLEASE WELCOME DOLORIS

AND BRIAN!

UH, THAT'S BRAIN, NOT BRIAN.

AND NOW YOUR HOST, ALEX QUEBEC!

LET'S START WITH OUR RETURNING CHAMPION.

UH, I'LL TAKE "ANCIENT SHOE SIZES" FOR $200, ALEX.

WHAT WAS 7 1/2?

THAT'S CORRECT, BRIAN.

THAT'S BRAIN.

"KINGS NAMED MOSHUSHU" FOR $200.

BRIAN.

WHO WAS KING MOSHUSHU I?

CORRECT. SELECT AGAIN, BRIAN.

BRAIN. "ISLE OF YAP" FOR $400?

BRIAN.

WHAT ARE BICAR, EYELOOK, AND AILING LAPPALAND?

WHAT IS INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL

TO SQUARE OF THE CUBED DISTANCES BETWEEN THEM?

WHAT IS THE CRUST OF IO?

WHAT IS A REGIS PHILBIN?

THAT CONCLUDES ROUND TWO.

IT LOOKS LIKE BRIAN--

BRAIN.

WILL PLAY FINAL GYP-PARODY ALONE,

SO FAR HAVING ANSWERED EVERY SINGLE QUESTION CORRECTLY.

HAVE YOU WAGERED?

YES, ALEX.

ANY PLANS ON HOW YOU'LL SPEND YOUR WINNINGS?

YES. I PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

HA HA HA HA.

MY FAULT FOR ASKING.

GO, BRAIN! NARF!

WE ALMOST GOT ALL OUR MONEY!

IN THE WORDS OF--

NOW, FOR $99,000,

HERE'S THE FINAL GYP-PARODYANSWER.

IN THE CATEGORY, "QUOTABLE QUOTES..."

UM...UH, WHO IS, UH...

FIVE SECONDS.

I, UM...WHO IS, UH...

TWO SECONDS.

WHO IS, UH...PINKY!

[BUZZER]

OOH, THAT'S INCORRECT.

THE QUESTION IS, "WHO IS RALPH KRAMDEN?"

HOW MUCH DID YOU WAGER?

EVERYTHING.

WHICH LEAVES YOU WITH NADA. I'M SO SORRY.

THAT WRAPS UP OUR SHOW. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY!

UH...HOW ABOUT WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE?

NO.

YOU COULD WIN THE MONEY ON $10,000 PILE-OF-MUD.

NO, PINKY.

I'M GOING TO GET SOME REST FOR TOMORROW NIGHT.

WHAT, BRAIN? WHAT ARE WE DOING TOMORROW NIGHT?

SAME THING WE DO EVERY NIGHT.

TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

* THEY'RE PINKY *

* THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN *

* BRAIN, BRAIN, BRAIN

* BRAIN *

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN.

FOR OUR RABIES SHOT?

TO MAKE SPIT BUBBLES?

IT'S TIME FOR THE DAY'S LESSON.

TO DISCOVER WHAT IT IS,

WE TURN TO THE WHEEL OF MORALITY.

WHEEL OF MORALITY, TURN, TURN, TURN.

TELL US THE LESSON THAT WE SHOULD LEARN.

AND THE MORAL OF TODAY'S STORY IS...

"IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED,

BLAME IT ON YOUR PARENTS."

HOW DEEP.

I'M TOUCHED.

IN THE HEAD.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

YIKES! YIKES! YIKES!

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

I'M YAKKO.

I'M WAKKO.

AND I'M CUTE!

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1993 WARNER BROS. ANIMATION, A DIVISION OF TIME-WARNER ENTERTAINMENT CO., L.P.

PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE