Original subtitles

DATELINE... HOLLYWOOD, 1930,

THE WARNER BROS. STUDIO.

HERE AT THE STUDIO'S NEW ANIMATION DEPARTMENT,

THE ARTISTS TOIL ENDLESSLY

TO COME UP WITH CARTOON STARS,

ULTIMATELY CREATING THREE NEW CHARACTERS,

THE WARNER BROTHERS AND THEIR SISTER DOT.

HELLO, NURSE! HELLO, NURSE!

UNFORTUNATELY, THE WARNER KIDS

WERE TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

BOINGY! BOINGY! BOINGY!

BOINGY! BOINGY! BOINGY!

THE TRIO RAN AMUCK THROUGHOUT THE STUDIO.

UNTIL THEIR CAPTURE.

THE WARNERS' FILMS,

WHICH MADE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE,

WERE LOCKED AWAY IN THE STUDIO VAULT

NEVER TO BE RELEASED.

AS FOR THE WARNERS THEMSELVES,

THEY WERE LOCKED AWAY IN THE STUDIO WATER TOWER

ALSO NEVER TO BE RELEASED.

PUBLICLY, THE STUDIO HAS DISAVOWED ANY KNOWLEDGE

OF THE WARNERS' EXISTENCE

TO THIS VERY DAY

WHEN THE WARNERS ESCAPED.

* IT'S TIME FOR ANIMANIACS *

* AND WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* SO JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX *

* YOU'LL LAUGH TILL YOU COLLAPSE *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* COME JOIN THE WARNER BROTHERS *

* AND THE WARNER SISTER DOT *

* JUST FOR FUN WE RUN AROUND *

* THE WARNER MOVIE LOT

* THEY LOCK US IN THE TOWER *

* WHENEVER WE GET CAUGHT

* BUT WE BREAK LOOSE AND THEN VAMOOSE *

* AND NOW YOU KNOW THE PLOT *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* DOT IS CUTE

* AND YAKKO YAKS

* WAKKO PACKS AWAY THE SNACKS *

* WHILE BILL CLINTON PLAYS THE SAX *

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* MEET PINKY AND THE BRAIN

* WHO WANT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE *

* GOODFEATHERS FLOCK TOGETHER *

* SLAPPY WHACKS 'EM WITH HER PURSE *

* BUTTONS CHASES MINDY

* WHILE RITA SINGS A VERSE

* THE WRITERS FLIPPED, WE HAVE NO SCRIPT *

* WHY BOTHER TO REHEARSE?

* WE'RE ANIMANIACS *

* WE HAVE PAY-OR-PLAY CONTRACTS *

* WE'RE ZANY TO THE MAX *

* THERE'S BALONEY IN OUR SLACKS *

* WE'RE ANIMANEE *

* TOTALLY INSANE-Y

* HERE'S A SHOW THAT'S MAINLY *

* ANIMANIACS

* THOSE ARE THE FACTS *

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

I SUPPOSE IT'S WISE

TO START AT THE VERY BEGINNING.

PROCEED.

I WAS ONE OF THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PSYCHOANALYSTS

IN ALL OF HOLLYWOOD.

50 YEARS AGO, I STARTED WORK AT WARNER BROTHERS.

AHH, WARNER BROTHERS.

HOME TO SOME OF THE BIGGEST STARS IN HOLLYWOOD.

UH, GOOD MORNING, MR. BIGGEST STAR IN HOLLYWOOD.

MORNING, SWEETHEART.

UH, MORNING, PORKY.

G-G-G-GOO--

MOR-M-M-M-M-M--

[HORN HONKS]

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!

HELLO.

WHEN THE STARS HAD A PROBLEM,

THEY CAME TO ME.

SO TELL ME MORE ABOUT THESE DREAMS

YOU'VE HAD, MR. REAGAN.

IN MY DREAMS, I'M PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

FOR YEARS, THE BIGGEST ACTORS TOLD ME THEIR PROBLEMS,

THEIR SECRETS, THEIR PAIN.

OOH! IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.

AND THEN, JUST RECENTLY,

I HAD JUST COMPLETED A DELIGHTFULLY INTENSE SESSION

WITH CLINT EASTWOOD.

THEN IT HAPPENED.

[CROWD SCREAMS]

[WOMAN SHRIEKS]

WHAT IS THAT?

WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE?

IT WAS THEM.

THE WARNER BROTHERS.

AFTER YEARS OF BEING LOCKED AWAY

IN THE WATER TOWER,

THEY MANAGED TO ESCAPE.

DID YOU MISS US?

I HARDLY EVEN KNOW YOU.

WE'RE THE WARNER BROTHERS.

AND THE WARNER SISTER.

UGH!

PTOOEY! PTOOEY!

PTOOEY!

BLECCHH!

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WE ASKED YOU FIRST.

WELL, I WANT...

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

WELL, WE MEANT TO.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

[DING]

DR. OTTO SCRATCHANSNIFF,

WORLD-FAMOUS PSYCHOANALYST TO THE STARS?

CORRECT.

I WON! I WON!

WHAT DID I WIN?

NOTHING.

SAY, WHAT KIND OF GAME SHOW IS THIS?

THIS ISN'T A GAME SHOW.

I'LL SAY IT ISN'T.

NOBODY WINS ANYTHING.

YOU'LL BE LUCKY TO BE ON ONE WEEK.

NURSE! NURSE!

YES, DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF?

[PANTING]

GET THESE KIDS OUT.

[PANTING]

HELLO, NURSE!

AHH.

AHH.

DISGUSTING!

WHY DON'T YOU CUTE LITTLE KIDS FOLLOW ME?

AFTER THE WARNER BROTHERS ESCAPED,

I WAS ASKED TO SEE THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD

OF THE STUDIO.

THE WARNER BROTHERS ARE WREAKING HAVOC

THROUGHOUT THIS STUDIO, SCRATCHANSNIFF,

AND I WON'T HAVE IT!

IN ORDER FOR A STUDIO TO RUN EFFICIENTLY,

THERE MUST BE ORDER, CALMNESS,

CONTROL.

THE WARNER BROTHERS HAVE TAKEN THE CALMNESS

AND REPLACED IT WITH CHAOS.

THEY'RE TOO ZANY, SCRATCHANSNIFF.

I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS UPSET

SINCE WE MADE

DON'T TELL MOM THE BABYSITTER'S DEAD.

I'VE CHOSEN YOU TO GET THE WARNER BROTHERS

UNDER CONTROL.

WHY ME?

BECAUSE YOU'RE A PSYCHIATRIST, DUMMY.

OH.

AND SO, I SCHEDULED AN APPOINTMENT

WITH THE WARNER BROTHERS.

I'LL NEVER FORGET OUR FIRST SESSION.

[SNARE DRUM]

THE WARNER BROTHERS ARE HERE

FOR THEIR 3:00 APPOINTMENT.

YOU BE GOOD LITTLE BOYS.

MMM.

BOYS.

HOW YOU DOING, SCRATCHY?

I TAKE UMBRAGE AT THAT.

SURE. TAKE ALL THE UMBRAGE.

DON'T LEAVE US ANY.

I MEAN I TAKE OFFENSE.

YOU WANT OUR FENCE, TOO?

ALL RIGHT, TAKE IT,

BUT THAT'S ALL. WE'RE TAPPED OUT.

IT'S TIME WE GOT DOWN TO BUSINESS.

* OUR FIRST QUARTER FIGURES *

* ARE REALLY LOW

* AS THIS BUSINESS GRAPH WILL HOPEFULLY SHOW **

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE'RE GETTING DOWN. THE BUSINESS.

YOU ALWAYS MAKE THE JOKES.

THIS IS NOT GOOD.

NO MORE JOKES.

YAH. GOOD.

NOW PLANT YOURSELVES ON THE COUCH THERE.

I SAID NO MORE JOKES.

THIS ISN'T A JOKE.

IT'S A VISUAL GAG.

NO MORE GAGS, JOKES, OR MONKEY STUFF.

DEFINE MONKEY STUFF.

THE MONKEY STUFF! YOU KNOW.

YOU WALKS AROUND LIKE A SILLY MONKEY.

OOH! OOH!

AAH! AAH!

AND YOU BE GOOFY. THAT IS THE MONKEY STUFF.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD SEE A P-SYCHIATRIST.

I AM A P-SYCH-- I MEAN, A PSYCHIATRIST.

UH!

AH...

I KNOW WHAT YOU KIDS WANT.

YOU WANT TO TALK TO MR. PUPPETHEAD.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] I'M MR. PUPPETHEAD.

TELL ME WHY YOU ALWAYS MAKE THE JOKES.

WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING WITH MR. PUPPETHEAD?

IT'S VERY EASY. WATCH ME.

AHEM.

HELLO, MR. PUPPETHEAD. HOW ARE YOU?

I AM FINE, DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF. HOW ARE YOU?

I'M FINE, MR. PUPPETHEAD.

DID YOU HAVE A YUMMY BREAKFAST?

OH, YES, VERY YUMMY. THANK YOU.

HOW WAS YOUR BREAKFAST?

MY BREAKFAST WAS YUMMY AS WELL.

SEE, ISN'T THAT EASY?

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE A P-SYCHIATRIST?

I AM A P-SYCHI--

I MEAN, PSYCHIATRIST!

I AM, I AM!

MR. PUPPETHEAD'S HUNGRY.

AFTER MUCH RESEARCH,

I DECIDED TO MEET WITH EACH WARNER BROTHER INDIVIDUALLY,

STARTING WITH THE WARNER BROTHER SISTER, DOT.

DOT--MAY I CALL YOU DOT?

YEAH, BUT CALL ME DOTTIE, AND YOU DIE.

DOT IT IS.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU SOME PICTURES.

TELL ME WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THIS?

YOU'RE NOT A VERY GOOD ARTIST.

I DIDN'T DRAW THAT.

WHOEVER DID NEEDS TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

IT'S AN INK BLOT.

I'LL SAY.

IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE ANYTHING.

YOU DID A VERY GOOD JOB.

I DIDN'T DRAW IT!

DOESN'T IT LOOK LIKE A LITTLE KITTY CAT

OR A BUTTERFLY?

NO.

THAT'S A BUTTERFLY.

NOW, THEN, WAKKO. LET'S YOU AND I TALK.

O.K.

GOOD.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

MY HAT.

NO, NO, YOUR HAT IS ON YOUR HEAD.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

MY SKIN?

NO, THAT'S ON YOUR HEAD.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

OH, I GOT IT. MY HAIR.

YOUR HAIR'S ON YOUR HEAD.

THIS IS HAIR! IT'S NOT ON MY MIND!

IT'S ON MY HEAD!

NO, IT'S IN YOUR HAND.

LET'S TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT, O.K.?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE FEELING?

MY SHIRT.

NO, THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE TOUCHING.

WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?

MY NOSE?

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE TOUCHING!

WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?

JUST TELL ME HOW YOU FEEL.

I FEEL FINE.

GOOD. NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE.

WOULD YOU CARE TO EXPAND ON THAT?

O.K.

UH, NO! NOT THAT TYPE OF EXPANDING!

STOP IT!

EXCUSE ME.

NOW, THEN, YAKKO,

LET'S DO A LITTLE WORD ASSOCIATION.

I'LL SAY A WORD,

AND YOU SAY ANY WORD THAT YOU THINK OF,

ANY WORD THAT COMES TO MIND.

BRAIN.

NO, WE HAVEN'T STARTED. BEGUN.

WAIT. YIELD.

NO, STOP! CEASE.

SILENCE! QUIET.

ENOUGH! PLENTY.

WOULD YOU PLEASE LISTEN? HEAR.

NO, YOU STUPID KID!

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

COMPREHEND.

AAH!

GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!

LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE.

OOH! THOSE KIDS IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

INSANE, UNHINGED, DEMENTED.

[CRYING]

AND THIS IS HOW IT'S BEEN.

THEY IS ALWAYS DRIVING ME KOOKY IN THE KOPF,

AND THEY'RE STILL NOT DEZANITIZED.

AM I CRAZY, DOCTOR?

YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM ACUTE WARNERITIS.

AAH!

WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID?

[PLAYING FLUTE]

THAT'S IT!

HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU POINT THAT SISSY FLUTE!

YOU WANT TO PLAY THE FLUTE?

I GOT YOUR FLUTE!

HERE'S YOUR FLUTE!

[PLAYING JAMAICAN MUSIC]

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP WITH THAT FLUTE?

TAKE THAT!

[CAR CRASHES]

* ONE MONDAY MORNING, I GOT UP LATE *

* AND THERE WERE THESE MONKEYS OUTSIDE THE GATE *

* THE GUARD TRIED TO STOP THEM, BUT HE HAD NO LUCK *

* THE MONKEYS GOT FREE, AND THEY RAN AMOK *

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* MY OFFICE WAS RUN BY THE STUDIO NURSE *

* I CAME DOWNSTAIRS, AND WHAT COULD BE WORSE? *

* THE MONKEYS WAS DOING A CRAZY DANCE *

* THEY POURED BUGGIES IN MY UNDERPANTS *

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* MONKEYS DANCE, THEN I DANCE, TOO *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* I RAN OUTSIDE TO GET A STICK *

* BUT I'M TELLING YOU, FRIENDS, THOSE MONKEYS WAS QUICK *

* 'CAUSE WHEN I RETURNED, MUCH TO MY DISGRACE *

* THOSE MONKEYS HAD THE NURSE IN A MAD EMBRACE *

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* FOR A NICKEL, I'LL GIVE YOU A CLUE *

* I DIDN'T KNOW YOUR EYES WERE BLUE *

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

YES, SIR! WHOOP!

AH, PLAY THAT THING.

* I WENT TO ME BATH FOR A SHOWER AND SHAVE *

* THE MONKEYS GONNA PUT ME INTO MY GRAVE *

* THE ENTIRE BATHROOM WAS LAID TO WASTE *

* THEN THEY SHAVED MY HEAD WITH MINTY TOOTHPASTE *

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* THEY IS CRAZY, NUTSO, I'M TELLING YOU *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* WELL, BY THIS TIME, I WAS FEELING DREAD *

* THEY WAS USING A SHOE BRUSH TO SHINE ME HEAD *

* I ASKED THEM TO LEAVE, BUT THEY STAYED AROUND *

* THEY PULLED THE CHAIN, AND, YIE, I WENT DOWN *

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* CALL MY LAWYER, I'M READY TO SUE *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

AAH!

YES, SIR, BROTHER!

HEY! THAT'S IT!

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE WHACKING WITH THAT?

YOU WANT WHACKING? I'LL GIVE YOU WHACKING!

THOSE ARE MY TAIL FEATHERS. I NEED THOSE.

GRRR!

* WELL, ME PATIENCE RAN OUT, AND I'M TELLING YOU SURE *

* TOMORROW I SHOW THOSE MONKEYS THE DOOR *

* AND IF THEY DON'T LEAVE, I'M INVITING YOU *

* TO MY HOUSE FOR DUMPLINGS AND MONKEY STEW *

* I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* NOW I'M IN THE STEW *

* OH, POOH

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* WATCH OUT FOR MONKEYS, I'M TELLING YOU *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE MONKEYS WON'T DO *

* WE'RE NOT MONKEYS, WE'RE JUST CUCKOO *

* DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, THE WARNERS WON'T DO **

INSIDE THE WATER TOWER ROOM,

THERE WAS A LOG FLUME...

AND A PICTURE OF A BIG BABOON...

HI.

AND THREE LITTLE TOONS ACTING LIKE GOONS...

I'M YAKKO...

I'M WAKKO...

AND I'M CUTE.

A DOG AND A CAT...

CAT? WHERE'S A CAT?

AND A BIG-HEADED RAT...

I'M A MOUSE, NOT A RAT.

AND TWO HIPPOS WHO ARE INCREDIBLY FAT...

FLAVIO, ARE WE ACTUALLY FAT?

NO, MY DELECTABLE.

WE ARE SIMPLY BIGGER THAN LIFE ITSELF.

AND IN THIS ROOM AND IN THIS VERSE

ARE DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF AND...

HELLO, NURSE.

AND THREE GOODFEATHERS WHO...

STICK TOGETHER.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU THINK I'M STICKY?

YOU SAYING I'M SOME KIND OF GOOEY, STICKY BUN

FOR YOUR BREAKFAST ENJOYMENT?

NO, I'M JUST SAYING--

THAT'S IT!

HERE'S YOUR STICKY BUN!

AND MINDY AND BUTTONS ARE SNUGGLED IN BED

ALONG WITH A FELLA NAMED MR. SKULLHEAD...

[YELPING]

AND AN OLD SQUIRREL LADY IN CAP AND NIGHTGOWN

SITS IN HER ROCKER AND SAYS...

HEY, PAL, PIPE DOWN!

OH, RIGHT. WELL, THEN...

NIGHTY-NIGHT, ROOM.

NIGHTY-NIGHT, TOONS.

NIGHTY-NIGHT, LOG FLUME WITH THE BIG BABOON.

NIGHTY-NIGHT, DOG. NIGHTY-NIGHT, CAT.

I DO SMELL A CAT, BUT WHERE'S IT AT?

THAT RHYMES, THAT DEFINITELY RHYMES.

NIGHTY-NIGHT, HIPPOS.

WE'RE BIG-BONED, NOT FAT.

NIGHTY-NIGHT, BIG-HEADED LABORATORY RAT.

I AM NOT A RAT.

I'M A MOUSE.

OH, DRAT.

OH, THAT RHYMES, TOO, BRAIN.

NIGHTY-NIGHT, DOCTOR, AND...

GOODNIGHT, NURSE.

NIGHTY-NIGHT, PIGEONS, WHO CONSTANTLY CURSE.

COME ON, WHAT DID I DO?

FETTUCCINI ALFREDO!

I GOT YOUR STICKY BUN!

NIGHTY-NIGHT, BUTTONS UNDER THE BED

ALONG WITH HIS FRIEND MR. SKULLHEAD.

[YELPS]

NIGHTY-NIGHT, SQUIRREL LADY, IN NIGHTGOWN AND CAP.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WILL YOU BUTTON YOUR YAP?

NIGHTY-NIGHT, WATER TOWER.

NIGHTY-NIGHT, LOT.

NIGHTY-NIGHT, YAKKO, WAKKO, AND DOT.

NIGHTY-NIGHT, PEOPLE EVERYWHERE.

AND NIGHTY-NIGHT WAKKO'S UNDERWEAR.

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

GOODBYE, NURSE.

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1993 WARNER BROS. ANIMATION, A DIVISION OF TIME-WARNER ENTERTAINMENT CO., L.P.

PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE