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1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,366
And now, The New Love Boat.
2
00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:07,029
- Welcome aboard the Love Boat.
- The what?
3
00:00:07,607 --> 00:00:09,905
Well, it's just a little nickname
we have—
4
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:14,673
Doctor, in my presence,
don't ever call this ship a Love Boat.
5
00:00:16,249 --> 00:00:20,686
You have very sensitive eyes,
Mr. Beakman.
6
00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,549
I'll bet you're a Libra.
7
00:00:22,722 --> 00:00:24,554
No, I'm a tailor.
8
00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:27,785
I'm the cruise director.
I work for the steamship line.
9
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:29,190
I should be reporting her.
10
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:31,194
Julie, I'm the assistant purser.
11
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:33,059
I'm the person
you should report this to.
12
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,600
We have to get together,
talk over old times.
13
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,033
I'm sure the doctor
has patients to see.
14
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,797
Drop by my office anytime.
15
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,372
- Okay.
- Diseases to cure.
16
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,736
It's on the Fiesta Deck.
17
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:44,377
- Al right.
- Lives to save.
18
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:47,407
You got bad habits.
You got bad taste.
19
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:48,775
You look crummy in the morning.
20
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:51,713
Think the way you look, you're gonna
make anybody forget Paul Newman?
21
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:55,321
The name Frankie Roosevelt
sounds very familiar to me.
22
00:00:55,688 --> 00:00:59,147
Frankie Roosevelt was the president
of the United States.
23
00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:00,990
She was?
24
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:05,541
Doc, what's going on?
25
00:03:05,718 --> 00:03:08,278
I thought Captain Hastings
was going to take command this trip.
26
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:09,478
No, he went on leave.
27
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:12,751
But we're only getting Captain Stubing
for this one trip.
28
00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:13,950
Thank God.
29
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:15,185
Is he that bad?
30
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:18,228
Oh, Julie,
compared to Captain Merrill Stubing,
31
00:03:18,398 --> 00:03:20,730
Attila the Hun is Father Flanagan.
32
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:24,461
Ivan the Terrible is Helen Keller.
33
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:26,596
Any sign of him?
34
00:03:26,773 --> 00:03:28,400
No, no, no. Not yet.
35
00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:31,971
Well, it's time.
36
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:38,814
Right on the button.
37
00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:41,253
Well, wish me luck.
38
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:43,586
From what I hear,
you're gonna need it.
39
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,421
Hey, doc,
what is this guy really like?
40
00:03:50,597 --> 00:03:54,625
Isaac, compared to him,
Heinrich Himmler was Mother Tums.
41
00:04:00,940 --> 00:04:03,102
Welcome aboard the Princess,
Captain Stubing.
42
00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:04,937
I'm Julie McCoy,
your cruise director.
43
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:06,203
Also your girl Friday
44
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:09,144
and your all-around
chief cook and bottle washer.
45
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,183
Am I wearing a fez?
46
00:04:11,618 --> 00:04:15,054
Do I have a name tag that says,
"Hi, I'm Skippy, what's your name?"
47
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:16,518
- No, sir, but |-
- And please,
48
00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:19,158
don't assume that I'm here
for a Shriners convention.
49
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:21,592
Very good, sir,
it's just that if you ask me—
50
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:25,163
Miss McCoy,
for your future edification,
51
00:04:25,331 --> 00:04:27,095
I always have the last word.
52
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,630
Dismissed.
53
00:04:30,803 --> 00:04:32,328
Cap—
54
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:42,838
I think I have some mirrors
and glasses to polish.
55
00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,040
Chicken.
56
00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:47,949
I've got a streak of yellow feathers
all the way down my back.
57
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,520
Bye.
58
00:04:59,065 --> 00:05:00,430
How you doing, captain?
59
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,568
This is Dr. Bricker, our ship's doctor.
60
00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:05,864
- Welcome aboard The Love Boat.
- The what?
61
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,734
That's just a little nickname
we have—
62
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:09,739
Isn't that charming?
63
00:05:09,909 --> 00:05:15,040
Doctor, in my presence,
don't ever call this ship a Love Boat.
64
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,336
I gotta go. I'm late.
65
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:39,494
Oh, honey. Oh, Gopher, honey,
66
00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:42,733
you're the most wonderful three days
of my entire life.
67
00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:45,569
You're so cute.
68
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,543
You're the cutest thing I ever saw.
69
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,939
Well, Cleo, I'm crazy about you.
70
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,515
But I really gotta go.
71
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,585
I'll call you the second I'm back in port,
all right?
72
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:57,245
Bye.
73
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,086
Save me some kisses.
74
00:06:05,631 --> 00:06:08,794
That's the sweetest thing
anybody ever said to me.
75
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:14,068
Oh, Gophy. Bye-bye, honey.
76
00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:22,712
Attention, please.
77
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:27,911
Will all passengers now board.
The Princess is prepared to sail.
78
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,445
- Hello
79
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:33,024
My old man always told me
never travel with a woman.
80
00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:36,218
Oh, Emie, you know, you never would
have come on a cruise alone.
81
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,093
By myself? I would've gotten as far
as a bowling alley.
82
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:40,960
You just don't wanna have any fun.
83
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,329
Oh, no?
84
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:46,837
Well, when we get to our stateroom,
I'll show you some fun.
85
00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:49,633
All right.
86
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,411
Hello. Enjoy yourself.
87
00:06:55,915 --> 00:06:59,044
Oh, excuse me.
Am I on the right ship?
88
00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:00,344
Morris Beakman.
89
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,017
This is the Princess cruise.
90
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,520
Five days out and back,
including Puerto Vallarta.
91
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:07,182
Oh, thank you. Is there a list
I should be checked off on?
92
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,351
I mean, so you know I'm here.
93
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:13,199
- You're here.
- Oh, thank you very much.
94
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:14,925
Simple as that, huh?
95
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,162
Oh, I told you, Beakman.
Morris Beakman.
96
00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:19,634
Yes, enjoy yourself.
97
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,400
Have a good time.
98
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,573
Hello.
99
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:33,982
Honey, direct me to the john,
the booze and any single men over 27.
100
00:07:34,153 --> 00:07:35,382
In any order.
101
00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:39,220
Well, the ladies room is down the deck
and to the right.
102
00:07:39,692 --> 00:07:41,319
Rest is up to you.
103
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:42,825
Thanks, sweetie.
104
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:48,965
- This is my idea of heaven, Stanley.
- Yeah.
105
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,899
Mine too.
106
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,971
My sister spent her honeymoon
in a condo at Lake Arrowhead.
107
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,165
At the time, I thought:
108
00:07:57,710 --> 00:07:59,542
But this?
109
00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:01,673
Yeah.
110
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:03,841
The good times are just beginning,
Joyce.
111
00:08:06,052 --> 00:08:09,420
You know, if two weeks ago, someone
had come up to me and said that:
112
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,149
"Stanley, you're gonna meet a girl.
113
00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:15,520
You're gonna fall in love.
114
00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:17,858
Get married.
115
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:22,362
And know joy like you never thought
could happen.”
116
00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:25,530
I'd have said, "Stick it in your ear.”
117
00:08:26,105 --> 00:08:27,971
Me too.
118
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:38,413
- Joyce?
- You wanna go to the cabin, huh?
119
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:41,178
- Do you?
- I'll go when you go.
120
00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:47,456
- Right.
- Right.
121
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,259
Attention, please?
122
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:53,126
Will the following passengers
please report to the purser's office:
123
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:57,065
Mr. R. Masterson, Mr. J. Williams,
124
00:08:57,236 --> 00:09:01,036
Miss N. Bar, and Mr. G. Summers.
125
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,972
Please report to the purser's lobby.
126
00:09:23,529 --> 00:09:25,122
Isn't this exciting?
127
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,429
I always think so.
128
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,261
Are you one of the sailors?
129
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:30,966
That's right.
130
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:33,105
I love your boat.
131
00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:34,899
Thank you.
132
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:37,441
- Cast off, captain?
- Right.
133
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:40,136
I have to go in and sail it now.
134
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:43,082
Okay. Bye-bye, honey.
135
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:33,455
Walk through that door
and you might as well rip out my heart.
136
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,534
Made up, I'm leaving, goodbye.
137
00:10:36,702 --> 00:10:38,534
Oh, come on, Emie.
138
00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:40,695
Monty Hall wouldn't do this to us.
139
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:42,500
I'm sure it's a mistake.
140
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:45,706
No. Letting you dress me up
as a head of cabbage
141
00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:48,870
on national television,
that was a mistake.
142
00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:52,780
But, Emie, it's the Big Deal
of the Day.
143
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,114
For who? The bionic man?
144
00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:57,415
I mean, putting you and me,
of all people,
145
00:10:57,590 --> 00:11:01,584
in a cabin with twin beds.
That's an act against nature.
146
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:04,390
Please, excuse me for interrupting
147
00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:06,190
but I think I could be
of some assistance.
148
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:08,527
Thanks, Pop,
but this is a private argument.
149
00:11:09,035 --> 00:11:12,369
Pop? Well, you don't understand.
My room has a double bed.
150
00:11:12,538 --> 00:11:14,336
And I wouldn't mind trading.
151
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,705
Oh, we couldn't put you out like that.
152
00:11:18,878 --> 00:11:21,313
No trouble at all. Beakman.
Morris Beakman.
153
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,847
And believe me, I don't mind.
154
00:11:24,083 --> 00:11:27,383
I haven't needed a bed like that
for 15 years.
155
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:29,251
Oh, I'm sorry.
156
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:30,685
Thanks a lot, Beakman.
157
00:11:31,323 --> 00:11:32,791
We're the Klopmans.
158
00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:36,417
I'm Leon or a
and this is my hubby, Emie.
159
00:11:36,595 --> 00:11:38,063
Nice to see you.
160
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:42,963
Emie. Oh, this place is a regular
Buckingham Palace with portholes.
161
00:11:43,135 --> 00:11:44,796
Are you from a game show too?
162
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:46,699
No, I'm from New York.
163
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:51,036
Oh, well, you see, we won this cruise
on Let's Make a Deal.
164
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,872
And I also got this genuine fur piece.
165
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:57,448
And $600 worth
of polyester pantsuits.
166
00:11:57,616 --> 00:11:59,380
She looks great in anything.
167
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,917
I'll get my toiletries.
168
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,246
- Sorry.
- Excuse me. I'm awfully sorry.
169
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:04,890
- Are you okay?
170
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,616
Adam?
171
00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:10,285
Adam Bricker? It's really you.
172
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:12,425
- I'm sorry but—
- Wait.
173
00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:15,226
Don't tell me you've forgotten
your very first patient.
174
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:17,499
- Leon or a?
175
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,069
I don't believe it.
176
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:22,765
Last time I saw you, you'd just gotten
your first evening gown.
177
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:26,943
Oh, gee, it's good to see you.
178
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:29,505
Old friends.
179
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:32,515
Leon or a Sanders. What a surprise.
180
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:35,177
Well, I got a bigger surprise for you.
181
00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:37,379
It's Leon or a Klopman now.
182
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:39,820
And I'm Emie Klopman,
her husband.
183
00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:42,222
Hi, I'm Adam Bricker, ship's doctor.
184
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:44,954
Well, my wife doesn't need
a diagnosis.
185
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:47,259
Adam roomed
at my mother's boarding house
186
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,902
when he was in med school.
187
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:51,161
I was just a kid then.
188
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:53,767
But, boy, did I have a crush on you.
189
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,065
Oh, too bad I never knew.
190
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,938
You could have saved me a fortune
in alimony.
191
00:12:58,310 --> 00:12:59,903
It's a small world.
192
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,547
Oh, this is Mr. Beakman.
193
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,342
Oh, Mr. Beakman, how are you?
194
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,051
How do I look?
195
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:07,879
Is that just a friendly question
196
00:13:08,053 --> 00:13:10,579
or are you asking
for medical advice?
197
00:13:10,756 --> 00:13:13,748
Adam, we have to get together
and talk over old times.
198
00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:16,156
I'm sure the doctor has patients
to see.
199
00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:17,955
Drop by my office anytime.
200
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,495
- Okay.
- Diseases to cure.
201
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:20,860
It's on the Fiesta Deck.
202
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,501
- Al right.
- Lives to save.
203
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,066
- I better be going.
- So soon.
204
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:27,603
- Nice to meet you, Bernie.
- Emie.
205
00:13:27,773 --> 00:13:29,002
Emie. Mr. Beakman.
206
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:30,904
Doctor.
207
00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:36,177
- I's a good thing he's a doctor.
- Why?
208
00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:41,252
Because if he comes near you again,
I'm gonna break his arm.
209
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:44,487
Emie, Emie, listen to an old man.
210
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,455
Violence, it's no good.
211
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:48,889
Only gives you heartburn.
212
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,224
Attention, will the cruise director
213
00:13:51,397 --> 00:13:54,059
report immediately to the captain.
214
00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:17,913
You seem a trifle nervous,
Miss McCoy, is that on my account?
215
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:19,819
Yes, but I'll get over it.
216
00:14:19,992 --> 00:14:21,460
Don't be too sure.
217
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:25,029
My Captain Bligh reputation
is only partly myth.
218
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:26,665
I'll keep that in mind.
219
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:29,096
By the way, have you made out
your guest list for dinner?
220
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:30,736
I always handle that for the captain.
221
00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:34,134
Yes, that is why I summoned you.
222
00:14:34,306 --> 00:14:36,798
I have selected some people
from the passenger list.
223
00:14:36,976 --> 00:14:40,344
I think might make reasonably
unobtrusive dinner companions.
224
00:14:40,512 --> 00:14:43,243
Please invite them to my table.
225
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:45,782
Well, there are only six.
You have room for one more.
226
00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:47,112
I know.
227
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:50,415
Just before we sailed, I saw
a young woman who intrigued me.
228
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:52,819
I want you to invite her too.
229
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:54,187
And what's her name?
230
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,021
That is your mission:
231
00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:57,993
To find out.
232
00:14:58,264 --> 00:15:02,565
She was blond-haired, was pretty,
233
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,897
was wearing a trench coat,
234
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:08,504
and had a tousled look.
235
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:11,173
You can't miss her.
236
00:15:11,343 --> 00:15:14,005
- A tousled look?
- That's what I said.
237
00:15:14,179 --> 00:15:17,638
She was also charming
and childlike.
238
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:19,715
Well, I'll try to track her down.
239
00:15:19,885 --> 00:15:22,820
Do that by tonight.
240
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:25,555
It is very important to me
241
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:29,251
that I share my table
with people I like.
242
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:30,987
Yes, sir.
243
00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:56,314
You can roll your sleeve down,
Mr. Beakman.
244
00:15:56,488 --> 00:15:59,788
Thank you.
Well, doctor, what's the verdict?
245
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,826
Classic case of mal de mer.
246
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:04,690
Has anyone ever died from it?
247
00:16:04,863 --> 00:16:06,353
Only on the Titanic.
248
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:07,966
You're seasick, Mr. Beakman.
249
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:12,297
Here, just take one of these
every three hours.
250
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,939
- Thank you.
- Nothing to worry about.
251
00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:17,770
I'm not worried, doctor,
but when a man reaches my age,
252
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:20,105
he knows when to start counting
the sunsets.
253
00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:22,338
I've been doing that myself lately.
254
00:16:22,514 --> 00:16:23,845
What?
255
00:16:24,016 --> 00:16:25,541
- You?
- Yeah.
256
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:29,313
But it's what happens after sunset
that I've had to start counting.
257
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,316
Well, maybe your luck will change.
258
00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:37,427
Me? I got on this ship because
I didn't think I'd be getting off again.
259
00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:39,189
If you're looking for a job
as a deckhand,
260
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,833
I can put in a good word for you.
261
00:16:41,266 --> 00:16:45,100
No, no, doc,
this is the kind of feeling you get
262
00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:46,465
when you wake up on the subway
263
00:16:46,638 --> 00:16:48,697
and you realize you've passed
your stop.
264
00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:53,038
Oh, Mr. Beakman, your stop
is way down the line.
265
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:55,203
Come on. You'll outlive us all.
266
00:16:56,482 --> 00:16:59,110
Well, I've already outlived my wife,
my friends,
267
00:16:59,284 --> 00:17:01,309
every member of my family.
268
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:04,354
Who? Who's left?
269
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,794
You know what worries me, doctor?
270
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,953
Wherever they are,
271
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:14,792
they're having more fun than I am.
272
00:17:18,937 --> 00:17:20,371
Your attention, please.
273
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:23,873
Lunch is now being served
in the coral dining room.
274
00:17:24,943 --> 00:17:26,433
Thank you.
275
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:36,412
Here.
276
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:39,048
- Hi there.
- Oh, hi.
277
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:40,988
We're the Klopmans.
278
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,857
I'm Leon or a
and this is my hubby, Emie.
279
00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,588
- Oh, hi.
- Hi, how are you?
280
00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:47,994
I'm Mae. Mae Allen.
281
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,965
Oh, that's a pretty name.
282
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:52,929
Isn't this fabulous?
283
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:55,565
We haven't eaten
in any place so fancy
284
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:58,802
since my Cousin Katie's wedding
at the Elks Club.
285
00:17:58,977 --> 00:18:02,845
Did you notice the chopped liver
in the shape of a sombrero?
286
00:18:03,015 --> 00:18:05,279
By the time I got through with it,
it looked like a derby.
287
00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:10,180
Oh, Mr. Beakman.
288
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:13,347
Come and join us.
289
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,015
Oh, well, actually, I was just—
290
00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:18,755
Oh, come on. Sit down.
291
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,560
Well, thank you very much.
292
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:24,259
I'm Mae Allen.
293
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,200
Well, how do you do, Mrs. Allen?
294
00:18:26,371 --> 00:18:28,430
It's Ms. Allen.
295
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,475
I've come a long, long way, baby.
296
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:35,613
I've come from the East Coast
myself.
297
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,943
My name is Morris Beakman.
298
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,218
Clever. Have you noticed
how they shaped the chopped liver
299
00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:42,854
like a yarmulke?
300
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,116
Like a what?
301
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,555
Oh, excuse me. Skullcaps.
302
00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:54,632
You have very sensitive eyes,
Mr. Beakman.
303
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,461
I'll bet you're a Libra.
304
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,297
No, I'm a tailor.
305
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,232
That's astigmatism.
306
00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:03,874
A tailor.
307
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:08,344
- You look more like a banker.
- That's funny.
308
00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:11,074
My mother always wanted me
to be a banker.
309
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:14,142
Well, you should have listened
to your mother.
310
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,185
You'd be a rich man today.
311
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:17,720
I'd also be dead.
312
00:19:20,192 --> 00:19:23,321
The bank in our neighborhood blew up
in 1949.
313
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,031
Hey, Adam.
314
00:19:32,204 --> 00:19:34,798
Will you stop throwing yourself
at that guy?
315
00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:37,340
Bunkie, he's just a friend.
316
00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:38,908
That was on land.
317
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:42,240
You don't know what the sea air
does to some men.
318
00:19:43,415 --> 00:19:45,577
I know what it does to you.
319
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,184
Isn't that cute?
320
00:19:50,589 --> 00:19:54,457
Oh, you two are really in love,
aren't you?
321
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:57,585
I'll bet you have a terrific sex life.
322
00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:02,868
Oh, sorry, honey.
Am I embarrassing you?
323
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,264
Well, I never.
324
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:07,895
Well, maybe you should,
it's good for you.
325
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:16,072
Julie, she's gotta be here
someplace.
326
00:20:16,248 --> 00:20:17,340
Oh, she just vanished.
327
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:18,608
What are you gonna do now?
328
00:20:18,784 --> 00:20:21,617
Well, I'm not gonna tell the captain
we failed, that's for sure.
329
00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,146
She will be at his table.
330
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,415
I sure hope so.
331
00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:28,686
This guy, Stubing, is bad news.
Very bad news.
332
00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:30,624
- Oh, you know him?
- Yeah, I know him.
333
00:20:30,796 --> 00:20:31,922
Where do you know him from?
334
00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:33,997
- Never mind. I just know him.
- Come on, Gopher.
335
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,861
- Where do you know him from?
- I know him—
336
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:39,402
Hey, you guys. Everybody's supposed
to be helping me out, okay?
337
00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,835
- Okay.
- Okay.
338
00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:44,408
"Blond hair, tousled look."
339
00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:48,945
- "Trench coach, charming, childlike.”
- No.
340
00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:50,138
Does that ring a bell?
341
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:52,480
Well, yeah, but not one here
on the ship.
342
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:55,515
Oh, that describes
a third of the women I know.
343
00:20:55,687 --> 00:20:58,315
This describes Harpo Marx.
344
00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:37,756
Good evening.
345
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:39,727
- Where is she?
- Who?
346
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:46,735
Oh, you mean that tousled,
blond-haired, trench-coated person.
347
00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:50,107
I seem to be dining
with an empty chair.
348
00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:53,905
These people are entertaining
as chiropodists go.
349
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:56,980
But I want that blond-haired lady
I saw.
350
00:21:58,417 --> 00:22:00,977
Captain Stubing, if you knew
how much time I've spent trying to—
351
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:04,555
If I have failed to make myself
clear to you, speak up.
352
00:22:05,223 --> 00:22:06,384
No, sir.
353
00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:07,821
You haven't failed.
354
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:09,461
Good.
355
00:22:10,562 --> 00:22:15,830
May I suggest the omelet chorizo plain?
It was my mother's favorite.
356
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,279
- You wanna turn in, Stanley?
- Do you?
357
00:22:35,454 --> 00:22:37,422
Whenever you want to.
358
00:22:38,557 --> 00:22:40,821
We got plenty of time.
359
00:22:40,992 --> 00:22:43,427
Let's take advantage
of every single minute.
360
00:22:43,595 --> 00:22:45,859
No sense rushing off.
361
00:22:47,966 --> 00:22:50,594
Not since
we're having such a good time.
362
00:22:58,009 --> 00:22:59,738
You play gin?
363
00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:02,846
Julie, come on.
364
00:23:03,014 --> 00:23:04,277
Hey.
365
00:23:04,449 --> 00:23:07,578
Listen,
all we do is we step into my cabin.
366
00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:09,414
We'll pour
some Kahlua on the rocks,
367
00:23:09,588 --> 00:23:12,250
we'll go down the passenger list
name by name,
368
00:23:12,424 --> 00:23:14,415
and if we come to a Marx, Harpo,
369
00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:18,552
then we got you one tousled-haired
dame in a trench coat.
370
00:23:20,298 --> 00:23:22,494
Or a tousled-haired dame in a towel.
371
00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:25,659
Oh, honey,
I saved you all my kisses.
372
00:23:25,837 --> 00:23:28,431
Oh, honey.
373
00:23:28,774 --> 00:23:31,368
- Why did you do this?
- Because I love you
374
00:23:31,543 --> 00:23:35,138
and I couldn't stand to be away
from you for five whole days.
375
00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:38,147
How did you get in the ship?
376
00:23:38,316 --> 00:23:41,013
I just walked on with everyone else.
377
00:23:41,186 --> 00:23:42,585
But I'll leave in the morning.
378
00:23:43,121 --> 00:23:45,283
In case you haven't noticed,
we're at sea.
379
00:23:45,724 --> 00:23:47,783
I know, isn't it exciting?
380
00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:50,451
Now, wait, maybe we can book
passage. Did you bring any money?
381
00:23:50,629 --> 00:23:52,097
I have $5.
382
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:54,198
Great. You can book breakfast.
383
00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:55,731
Let's go, put your clothes on.
384
00:23:55,901 --> 00:23:57,801
- I don't have any.
- What?
385
00:23:57,969 --> 00:23:59,767
Just a raincoat.
386
00:23:59,938 --> 00:24:02,236
I didn't have time to dress
this morning, do you know why?
387
00:24:02,407 --> 00:24:04,136
I'll tell you, just put your raincoat on.
388
00:24:04,309 --> 00:24:06,300
- Indoors?
389
00:24:07,345 --> 00:24:11,373
One stowaway on this ship and
Stubing wants to have dinner with her.
390
00:24:11,550 --> 00:24:13,575
You know what this is?
This is Murphy's Law.
391
00:24:13,752 --> 00:24:15,277
Whatever can go wrong,
will go wrong.
392
00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:16,979
I'm the cruise director.
393
00:24:17,155 --> 00:24:20,022
I work for this steamship line.
I should be reporting her.
394
00:24:20,192 --> 00:24:21,990
Julie, I'm the assistant purser.
395
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:23,753
I'm the person
you should report this to.
396
00:24:23,929 --> 00:24:26,762
This is crazy.
We can both lose our jobs.
397
00:24:26,932 --> 00:24:28,457
Yes.
398
00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:33,337
Why me?
399
00:24:33,605 --> 00:24:35,573
I don't know.
400
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:53,147
I'm ahead by 14 games.
401
00:24:57,429 --> 00:24:59,022
It's late.
402
00:24:59,197 --> 00:25:00,892
I know.
403
00:25:19,384 --> 00:25:21,443
This is for your dress.
404
00:25:21,620 --> 00:25:23,611
Very thoughtful.
405
00:25:39,404 --> 00:25:41,532
I'll be out in just a minute.
406
00:27:19,070 --> 00:27:20,231
Hello, Stanley.
407
00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:22,430
Oh, Joyce, how are you?
408
00:27:22,607 --> 00:27:25,907
- I love you, Stanley.
- I love you too, Joyce.
409
00:27:26,077 --> 00:27:28,842
I was feeling a little nervous before
but I'm not now.
410
00:27:29,014 --> 00:27:30,778
Because I'm calm and reassuring?
411
00:27:30,949 --> 00:27:33,543
Because I took five Dramamines.
412
00:27:34,552 --> 00:27:38,580
You know, the bottle said only take one
but I was feeling very nauseous.
413
00:27:38,757 --> 00:27:41,556
Guess the bottle knew
what it was talking about.
414
00:27:44,629 --> 00:27:47,257
Be gentle, that's all I ask.
415
00:27:48,466 --> 00:27:52,425
Let me know if there's something
I should be doing, okay, Stanley?
416
00:27:52,604 --> 00:27:55,539
Yeah, sure. Of course.
417
00:28:08,420 --> 00:28:10,684
So, Joyce...
418
00:28:11,656 --> 00:28:13,954
...is there anything
that your other boyfriends did,
419
00:28:14,125 --> 00:28:16,753
some erogenous zone
that I might not know about?
420
00:28:18,296 --> 00:28:20,492
Use your own judgment.
421
00:28:20,665 --> 00:28:22,133
Fair enough.
422
00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:24,200
That will be fine.
423
00:28:26,237 --> 00:28:29,400
Joyce,
I'm reading between the lines here.
424
00:28:29,574 --> 00:28:31,406
Please forgive me.
425
00:28:32,010 --> 00:28:34,001
Please let me be wrong.
426
00:28:34,779 --> 00:28:36,838
I'm getting the idea
427
00:28:37,082 --> 00:28:39,312
that you've never done this before.
428
00:28:39,484 --> 00:28:40,974
Not in so many words.
429
00:28:41,152 --> 00:28:42,586
Oh, dear God.
430
00:28:43,955 --> 00:28:45,980
- Are you sure?
- I'd know, wouldn't I?
431
00:28:46,157 --> 00:28:47,818
Yeah.
432
00:28:48,226 --> 00:28:50,217
Yes, I suppose you would.
433
00:28:53,531 --> 00:28:58,560
Listen, I know men have a strong
sense of honor about this kind of thing.
434
00:28:58,737 --> 00:29:00,705
But I thought
it was something desirable
435
00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:02,397
on a wedding night situation.
436
00:29:02,574 --> 00:29:06,442
I'm not having a problem
with my honor here, Joyce.
437
00:29:08,012 --> 00:29:12,313
What we do have is
a matter of the blind leading the blind.
438
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:16,451
Oh, God.
439
00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:19,622
So, Joyce, I'm open to suggestions.
440
00:29:20,558 --> 00:29:22,356
What should we do?
441
00:29:25,096 --> 00:29:27,190
Some kissing first, I think.
442
00:29:28,199 --> 00:29:30,031
That's fair enough.
443
00:29:37,976 --> 00:29:40,206
Joyce, shall we—?
444
00:29:40,378 --> 00:29:41,777
Joyce?
445
00:29:41,946 --> 00:29:44,142
Well, don't fall asleep.
446
00:29:46,251 --> 00:29:47,582
Just—
447
00:29:56,928 --> 00:29:58,453
Joyce?
448
00:30:01,166 --> 00:30:02,793
Joyce?
449
00:30:04,769 --> 00:30:05,998
Is it over?
450
00:30:50,081 --> 00:30:53,142
Okay, which one of you kiddies
is ready to take on
451
00:30:53,318 --> 00:30:56,549
the Billie Jean King of Ping-Pong?
452
00:30:59,657 --> 00:31:02,217
Too much for you, huh?
453
00:31:03,328 --> 00:31:05,854
Anyone for table tennis?
454
00:31:06,998 --> 00:31:10,059
Hey, I's a great way
to keep your shape.
455
00:31:10,435 --> 00:31:13,564
Ten years from now, you'll be sorry.
456
00:31:17,642 --> 00:31:19,633
Hello in there.
457
00:31:19,811 --> 00:31:22,576
Can Morris come out and play?
458
00:31:22,747 --> 00:31:24,977
I just wanna get some sun.
459
00:31:25,149 --> 00:31:26,639
Some sun?
460
00:31:26,818 --> 00:31:30,049
You better be careful,
you're gonna get a tan.
461
00:31:30,255 --> 00:31:33,281
Hey, wanna play some Ping-Pong?
462
00:31:33,458 --> 00:31:36,257
Look, honey, I wanted to take a nap.
463
00:31:37,929 --> 00:31:42,594
Are you gonna spend this entire cruise
just sitting around like an old coot?
464
00:31:43,601 --> 00:31:46,002
I certainly hope so.
465
00:31:46,170 --> 00:31:48,002
You know what your problem is?
466
00:31:48,673 --> 00:31:51,472
You think like an old man.
467
00:31:54,412 --> 00:31:56,005
I am an old man.
468
00:31:56,180 --> 00:31:58,979
Oh, baloney,
you're as old as you feel.
469
00:31:59,150 --> 00:32:00,743
I feel pretty old.
470
00:32:00,919 --> 00:32:02,318
That's terrible.
471
00:32:02,487 --> 00:32:03,579
It's wonderful.
472
00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:07,487
Being old is not a crime,
it's a pleasure.
473
00:32:07,659 --> 00:32:11,118
- You ought to try it sometime.
- Well, I will when I'm 65.
474
00:32:11,296 --> 00:32:15,290
You really think when you get old
you stop having fun?
475
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:19,759
Well, gramps, I wouldn't wanna
take you on a hayride.
476
00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:22,338
Did you say gramps?
477
00:32:22,507 --> 00:32:25,442
You actually said gramps.
Give me one of those rackets.
478
00:32:26,945 --> 00:32:28,913
I'll beat you two out three.
479
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,674
Come on. We'll get over there
and we'll-
480
00:32:31,849 --> 00:32:33,715
Don't sit there, help a man up.
481
00:32:42,961 --> 00:32:47,125
What happened? What's going on?
Who is that—?
482
00:32:50,301 --> 00:32:51,894
Stanley, is something wrong?
483
00:32:52,070 --> 00:32:53,560
You smashed my nose.
484
00:32:54,038 --> 00:32:56,302
Oh, I'm sorry.
485
00:32:56,474 --> 00:32:58,135
I'm not used to sleeping with people.
486
00:33:02,747 --> 00:33:04,909
- Stanley?
- What?
487
00:33:05,083 --> 00:33:06,608
Was -7?
488
00:33:06,784 --> 00:33:08,548
You know, all right?
489
00:33:09,153 --> 00:33:10,416
Sweetheart, don't you remember?
490
00:33:12,123 --> 00:33:14,854
You passed out
with the Dramamines.
491
00:33:16,561 --> 00:33:18,393
Well, I certainly feel refreshed.
492
00:33:19,297 --> 00:33:20,321
You do, huh?
493
00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:23,327
Yeah, I thought it was afterglow.
494
00:33:28,406 --> 00:33:29,567
Wanna try again, honey?
495
00:33:29,741 --> 00:33:32,176
No, I don't think so, sweetheart.
496
00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:34,937
My nose hurts too much.
497
00:33:35,279 --> 00:33:36,610
Joyce?
498
00:33:39,650 --> 00:33:41,584
Why is your toothbrush
in the water glass?
499
00:33:41,753 --> 00:33:44,051
That's where I keep it.
My whole family does that.
500
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:53,464
Stanley. You've a little bald spot.
501
00:33:53,631 --> 00:33:55,292
I never noticed that before.
502
00:34:07,111 --> 00:34:08,636
-So?
- Well, I just checked.
503
00:34:08,813 --> 00:34:10,178
Your friend is still in your cabin.
504
00:34:10,348 --> 00:34:12,942
- Then she's okay?
- Oh, yeah. Fine. Quiet as a mouse.
505
00:34:13,117 --> 00:34:14,585
As a matter of fact, she's reading.
506
00:34:14,986 --> 00:34:17,182
- Reading?
- The book's called:
507
00:34:17,355 --> 00:34:19,722
Dolly Drake, Barnyard Nurse.
508
00:34:19,891 --> 00:34:21,985
She's having a swell time.
509
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:23,628
Where did you find her?
510
00:34:23,928 --> 00:34:25,726
Well, she sells plants in a nursery.
511
00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:28,628
I went in there one day
to buy a new saxifraga sarmentosa.
512
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,326
Wound up going to dinner with her
three nights in a row.
513
00:34:31,536 --> 00:34:33,163
She digs me.
514
00:34:33,538 --> 00:34:34,664
Yeah, I know.
515
00:34:34,839 --> 00:34:36,534
She said you're the first guy
she went with
516
00:34:36,707 --> 00:34:38,937
who didn't beat her up
and then steal her car.
517
00:34:39,110 --> 00:34:40,600
Yeah. Hey.
518
00:34:40,778 --> 00:34:42,769
Gopher,
I'm gonna offer you a choice.
519
00:34:42,947 --> 00:34:44,779
Like what?
520
00:34:44,949 --> 00:34:47,281
Walking the plank
or hanging from a yardarm?
521
00:34:47,452 --> 00:34:51,787
No. Between my giving your girlfriend
to the captain as a stowaway
522
00:34:51,956 --> 00:34:55,153
and my giving her to the captain
as a dinner guest.
523
00:34:56,828 --> 00:34:59,354
- I don't get it.
- Are you willing to help me coach her
524
00:34:59,530 --> 00:35:00,861
80 we can pass her off
as something
525
00:35:01,032 --> 00:35:03,194
besides your under dressed
lady friend?
526
00:35:03,367 --> 00:35:05,631
Well, yeah. But you really think
you can bring that off?
527
00:35:05,803 --> 00:35:08,033
I'll have her letter-perfect.
She'll be beautiful.
528
00:35:08,206 --> 00:35:11,836
She'll charm him. He'll love her and I'll
just have my whole career on the line.
529
00:35:26,891 --> 00:35:29,360
- Do you think he saw me?
- What is it with you and Stubing?
530
00:35:29,527 --> 00:35:32,224
- Oh, it's nothing.
- Nothing? You almost fainted.
531
00:35:32,396 --> 00:35:34,922
- You know him, don't you?
- I'm not gonna tell you, all right?
532
00:35:35,099 --> 00:35:36,965
All right, don't get so feisty.
533
00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:40,196
Well, I need some time
to get things together. I'll see you later.
534
00:35:40,371 --> 00:35:41,896
Julie?
535
00:35:42,607 --> 00:35:44,405
You're terrific.
536
00:35:44,575 --> 00:35:46,043
Gopher.
537
00:35:46,210 --> 00:35:48,702
Years from now
when we speak of this,
538
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:54,182
and we will speak of this,
just remember, she's your stowaway.
539
00:35:57,188 --> 00:35:58,781
It's really very simple,
Mrs. Richards.
540
00:35:58,956 --> 00:36:00,549
Just don't eat everything
they offer you.
541
00:36:00,725 --> 00:36:03,888
Attention, please,
we shall begin with—
542
00:36:04,061 --> 00:36:07,861
Leon or a,
I'm so glad you decided to come.
543
00:36:08,032 --> 00:36:11,400
Oh, you know I could never resist
playing doctor with you.
544
00:36:11,836 --> 00:36:14,396
I was beginning to think
you'd stood me up.
545
00:36:14,572 --> 00:36:16,734
I had to wait till Emie was asleep.
546
00:36:16,908 --> 00:36:18,808
I'll be with you right after this patient.
547
00:36:18,976 --> 00:36:21,104
Oh, no, you won't.
548
00:36:21,279 --> 00:36:24,374
I'll take two aspirin
and call you in the morning.
549
00:36:26,584 --> 00:36:28,018
Attention, please?
550
00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:31,281
The second sitting for lunch
is now being served.
551
00:36:41,032 --> 00:36:43,399
They're still alive.
552
00:36:43,568 --> 00:36:45,696
Can't stand it.
553
00:36:51,742 --> 00:36:54,643
Are you sure the book said
to eat so many?
554
00:37:01,419 --> 00:37:03,353
Come in.
555
00:37:07,925 --> 00:37:10,895
Captain Stubing, I did it.
556
00:37:11,062 --> 00:37:12,996
- What's her name?
- I found her.
557
00:37:13,164 --> 00:37:14,222
Her name?
558
00:37:14,398 --> 00:37:15,888
You remember what that is?
559
00:37:16,067 --> 00:37:18,968
Mine is Merrill Stubing,
yours very nearly was mud.
560
00:37:20,037 --> 00:37:21,232
Her name.
561
00:37:21,405 --> 00:37:24,568
Isn't that silly?
It's right on the tip of my tongue.
562
00:37:24,742 --> 00:37:27,404
- Frankly, Miss McCoy—
- Frankie.
563
00:37:28,546 --> 00:37:29,809
Frankie?
564
00:37:30,181 --> 00:37:32,775
Her name. Frankie. Roosevelt.
565
00:37:34,018 --> 00:37:38,148
- Frankie Roosevelt?
- It's short for Frances.
566
00:37:38,322 --> 00:37:41,292
Is she any relation
to the Roosevelts?
567
00:37:41,459 --> 00:37:44,019
Of course, she could be.
568
00:37:44,195 --> 00:37:45,890
It's fascinating.
569
00:37:46,063 --> 00:37:47,121
Now, there is one thing.
570
00:37:47,298 --> 00:37:48,959
- Yeah?
- When I spoke with her,
571
00:37:49,133 --> 00:37:51,397
she said she was very pleased
to be invited to your table.
572
00:37:51,569 --> 00:37:53,901
- Yes?
- She said really enjoyed meeting you.
573
00:37:54,071 --> 00:37:56,597
- Yeah?
- She has to stay in her cabin tonight.
574
00:37:56,774 --> 00:37:59,368
- Why?
- Why?
575
00:37:59,543 --> 00:38:00,840
She's finishing a novel.
576
00:38:01,012 --> 00:38:02,946
- She's a writer?
- No, more of a reader.
577
00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:05,776
- A literary critic?
- Something along those lines.
578
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:09,648
She said she'd be very happy to have
dinner with you tomorrow night.
579
00:38:09,820 --> 00:38:12,687
Well, that's what she said.
I can only tell you what she said.
580
00:38:12,857 --> 00:38:15,292
Well, all right.
581
00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:16,893
Well done, Miss McCoy.
582
00:38:17,061 --> 00:38:18,859
Thank you, sir.
583
00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:22,994
She enjoyed meeting me.
584
00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:28,397
Hi.
585
00:38:28,572 --> 00:38:29,733
Mind if I join you?
586
00:38:29,907 --> 00:38:32,308
Oh, Morris, of course—
Isaac, please.
587
00:38:32,476 --> 00:38:35,446
For Morris, my best friend,
three of whatever he's drinking.
588
00:38:35,613 --> 00:38:37,911
- Tonic water, right?
- Yes. Thank you.
589
00:38:38,082 --> 00:38:40,244
Well, what are we celebrating?
590
00:38:40,418 --> 00:38:43,046
Well, we're celebrating
my second honeymoon, of course.
591
00:38:43,220 --> 00:38:45,382
Well, I know what you're thinking.
592
00:38:45,556 --> 00:38:48,924
You're thinking but this is
a honeymoon celebration,
593
00:38:49,093 --> 00:38:51,323
where's the happy bride?
594
00:38:52,296 --> 00:38:55,596
Where is the happy little bride?
595
00:38:55,766 --> 00:38:58,326
Easy, easy. What happened?
596
00:38:58,502 --> 00:39:00,436
You and Leon or a have a fight?
597
00:39:00,604 --> 00:39:03,539
Oh, how are you gonna fight
with somebody who's never there?
598
00:39:03,708 --> 00:39:07,235
Morris, I mean, every time I turn
my back, she disappears.
599
00:39:07,411 --> 00:39:12,906
But when I find her,
she's with that doctor.
600
00:39:13,084 --> 00:39:15,416
Oh, come on, Emie,
he's an old friend.
601
00:39:15,586 --> 00:39:16,610
Not that old.
602
00:39:18,289 --> 00:39:19,916
I'm sorry, I didn't mean—
603
00:39:20,091 --> 00:39:21,786
It's all right.
604
00:39:21,959 --> 00:39:23,688
I am that old.
605
00:39:24,562 --> 00:39:26,929
You know, I really can't blame her.
606
00:39:27,098 --> 00:39:30,193
She just wants
what every woman wants.
607
00:39:31,102 --> 00:39:32,968
Free medical advice.
608
00:39:34,338 --> 00:39:36,204
A baby.
609
00:39:38,109 --> 00:39:41,238
We've been trying for long time.
610
00:39:41,812 --> 00:39:45,612
And you think that she
and the doctor would—
611
00:39:46,417 --> 00:39:48,385
I'm shocked at you, Emote.
612
00:39:48,552 --> 00:39:51,351
Don't you know by now
that doctors don't bring babies.
613
00:39:51,522 --> 00:39:53,684
Tell her that.
614
00:39:54,725 --> 00:39:56,716
Morris, I want that baby.
615
00:39:56,894 --> 00:40:00,159
I want that baby.
616
00:40:00,331 --> 00:40:04,768
Emie, you're not gonna get that baby
by sitting around a bar.
617
00:40:04,935 --> 00:40:07,666
Well, I tried sitting around
my cabin and that didn't work,
618
00:40:07,838 --> 00:40:10,933
maybe I'll try sitting around
somebody else's cabin.
619
00:40:11,108 --> 00:40:12,598
Emie...
620
00:40:14,512 --> 00:40:16,071
...let me tell you a story.
621
00:40:16,247 --> 00:40:18,215
Once upon a time,
I knew a young man
622
00:40:18,382 --> 00:40:19,941
who was a great deal like you.
623
00:40:20,117 --> 00:40:23,917
Morris, if this story is about you,
just say it, okay?
624
00:40:24,622 --> 00:40:28,252
Actually, you're a lot smarter
than I was.
625
00:40:28,559 --> 00:40:32,826
But like you, I was very jealous
of my darling wife, Naomi.
626
00:40:32,997 --> 00:40:36,331
I thought she was untrue to me
so I left her.
627
00:40:36,500 --> 00:40:39,333
I spent a week in Hackensack.
628
00:40:39,937 --> 00:40:41,268
Hackensack.
629
00:40:42,306 --> 00:40:44,274
It was the worst week
of my whole life.
630
00:40:44,442 --> 00:40:48,276
And then a mutual friend
proved to me that I was wrong.
631
00:40:48,446 --> 00:40:50,437
Well, you can imagine how I felt.
632
00:40:50,614 --> 00:40:53,515
I rush back to tell Naomi
how sorry I was.
633
00:40:53,684 --> 00:40:55,948
And how much I loved her.
634
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:57,212
And you know what happened?
635
00:40:57,388 --> 00:40:59,482
She took you back?
636
00:40:59,657 --> 00:41:03,389
She wasn't there.
She'd run off with a hosiery salesman
637
00:41:03,561 --> 00:41:07,122
and was leg-modeling in Cincinnati.
638
00:41:07,798 --> 00:41:10,165
What the hell kind of a story is that?
639
00:41:10,334 --> 00:41:13,395
Emie, I'm telling you,
640
00:41:14,438 --> 00:41:17,066
if you believe a lie,
641
00:41:17,241 --> 00:41:19,869
somebody will make that lie
come true.
642
00:41:27,518 --> 00:41:31,819
Forgive me, Naomi,
but we gotta help the young people.
643
00:41:46,470 --> 00:41:49,963
Stanley, as much as I'm enjoying
playing cards right now,
644
00:41:50,140 --> 00:41:53,770
I can't help thinking there must be
something else we could be doing.
645
00:41:53,944 --> 00:41:55,070
Well...
646
00:41:55,246 --> 00:41:57,578
Yes, you're absolutely right.
647
00:41:57,748 --> 00:41:59,773
I'm sorry about last night.
648
00:41:59,950 --> 00:42:01,384
So am I.
649
00:42:01,552 --> 00:42:02,986
And this morning.
650
00:42:03,153 --> 00:42:05,019
So am I.
651
00:42:12,696 --> 00:42:13,720
Joyce?
652
00:42:13,898 --> 00:42:15,297
Stanley.
653
00:42:15,466 --> 00:42:16,661
Joyce.
654
00:42:16,834 --> 00:42:18,666
What, Stanley, what?
655
00:42:18,836 --> 00:42:20,861
I think we have a problem here.
656
00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:22,528
We do?
657
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,738
As near as I can tell,
I think I'm about to throw up.
658
00:42:28,312 --> 00:42:29,438
You hate me.
659
00:42:29,613 --> 00:42:32,412
No, no, no, Joyce, it's not you.
660
00:42:32,583 --> 00:42:34,711
It's all those oysters.
661
00:42:36,020 --> 00:42:37,954
They didn't die.
662
00:42:40,124 --> 00:42:42,821
Boy, Ma, you were right.
663
00:42:42,993 --> 00:42:46,588
Saving myself for marriage
was definitely worth it.
664
00:42:48,832 --> 00:42:50,664
Gophy, do I have to?
665
00:42:50,834 --> 00:42:52,359
Do you want me to go to jail?
666
00:42:52,536 --> 00:42:54,698
- You want Julie to be fired?
- No.
667
00:42:54,872 --> 00:42:56,397
Okay, you guys.
668
00:42:56,574 --> 00:42:58,736
Now, come on, Cleo,
we'll start from the beginning.
669
00:42:58,909 --> 00:43:01,401
I'll bring you into the dining room,
you'll be wearing my dress,
670
00:43:01,579 --> 00:43:03,547
you'll look great,
I'll bring you up to the table.
671
00:43:03,714 --> 00:43:07,116
Captain Stubing,
may I present Frankie Roosevelt.
672
00:43:07,284 --> 00:43:09,582
A pleasure, my dear.
673
00:43:10,554 --> 00:43:12,044
Waiter.
674
00:43:15,025 --> 00:43:16,857
How about some ribs?
675
00:43:20,297 --> 00:43:23,824
How nice it is to be asked
to sit at your table.
676
00:43:24,001 --> 00:43:26,163
Thank you. I would like to sit down.
677
00:43:26,337 --> 00:43:28,931
Thank you, I would like to drink.
678
00:43:29,106 --> 00:43:33,304
No, you're supposed to wait
until he asks you those things.
679
00:43:33,677 --> 00:43:37,113
The name Frankie Roosevelt
sounds very familiar to me.
680
00:43:37,414 --> 00:43:40,941
Frankie Roosevelt was the president
of the United States.
681
00:43:41,452 --> 00:43:42,783
She was?
682
00:43:43,821 --> 00:43:45,880
Okay. Let's start from the beginning.
683
00:43:46,056 --> 00:43:48,115
What happens if I forget
what I'm supposed to say?
684
00:43:48,292 --> 00:43:49,987
Don't worry, you'll be fine.
685
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:51,855
Oh, yeah, fine.
686
00:43:52,029 --> 00:43:55,795
Just as long as somebody brings up
Dolly Drake, Barnyard Bombshell.
687
00:43:55,966 --> 00:43:57,559
Barnyard Nurse.
688
00:44:01,071 --> 00:44:05,338
Good morning. Our arrival
at Puerto Vallarta is in one hour.
689
00:44:09,947 --> 00:44:11,346
Joyce?
690
00:44:11,515 --> 00:44:13,950
You did it again.
691
00:44:14,852 --> 00:44:16,616
God.
692
00:44:22,660 --> 00:44:24,059
Boy.
693
00:44:24,228 --> 00:44:26,595
You know, I don't know if this marriage
is gonna work out.
694
00:44:27,364 --> 00:44:30,664
My mother was right.
She said not to trust love at first sight.
695
00:44:30,834 --> 00:44:33,235
She said you were probably
an incipient beast.
696
00:44:34,271 --> 00:44:36,433
Well, it takes one to know one.
697
00:44:36,607 --> 00:44:38,041
Let's not start on families.
698
00:44:38,208 --> 00:44:39,869
You don't even know my family.
699
00:44:40,044 --> 00:44:41,705
That's right.
It's not fair to judge people
700
00:44:41,879 --> 00:44:44,439
just because they wore matching
bowling shirts to a wedding.
701
00:44:45,416 --> 00:44:48,875
At least my mother had the good taste
not to boo during the ceremony.
702
00:44:49,987 --> 00:44:52,046
You apologize to me.
703
00:44:52,222 --> 00:44:53,781
No.
704
00:44:54,458 --> 00:44:56,586
You're stubborn.
705
00:44:56,827 --> 00:44:58,727
I didn't know you were stubborn,
Joyce.
706
00:44:58,896 --> 00:45:01,092
You're a hysterical person.
I didn't know that either.
707
00:45:01,265 --> 00:45:03,893
- There's a lot you don't know about me.
- I know all about you.
708
00:45:04,068 --> 00:45:06,730
You're moody. You're finicky.
You're insensitive. You yell.
709
00:45:06,904 --> 00:45:09,965
You got bad habits. You got bad taste.
You look crummy in the morning.
710
00:45:11,308 --> 00:45:12,366
You think the way you look,
711
00:45:12,543 --> 00:45:14,272
you're gonna make
anybody forget Paul Newman?
712
00:45:14,445 --> 00:45:16,277
Maybe not. Maybe not.
713
00:45:16,447 --> 00:45:19,314
But it's a lot better than making them
remember Quasimodo.
714
00:45:22,152 --> 00:45:27,989
Even though you just compared me
to the hunchback of Notre Dame,
715
00:45:28,158 --> 00:45:30,627
I am not gonna get mad, Stanley.
716
00:45:30,794 --> 00:45:33,024
Because I am trying very hard
to remember
717
00:45:33,197 --> 00:45:36,599
that these are not the words
of a rational man.
718
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,334
- Don't we have anything in common?
- Yes, as a matter of fact, we do.
719
00:45:40,504 --> 00:45:42,905
We can't stand each other.
720
00:45:46,143 --> 00:45:48,635
I thought I loved you, Stanley.
721
00:45:48,812 --> 00:45:51,304
I thought I loved you too, Joyce.
722
00:45:51,482 --> 00:45:53,610
- You want a divorce?
- We don't need one.
723
00:45:53,784 --> 00:45:56,151
All we need is an annulment.
724
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:58,152
Okay, fine, terrific.
725
00:45:58,322 --> 00:46:01,292
Maybe the captain
could grant one at sea.
726
00:46:06,196 --> 00:46:08,790
I'm gonna be honest with you,
Stanley.
727
00:46:08,966 --> 00:46:10,934
That's about all we have left.
728
00:46:11,101 --> 00:46:13,331
So it's worth a try, isn't it?
729
00:46:13,504 --> 00:46:15,233
I don't know.
730
00:46:15,639 --> 00:46:17,573
Well, I do.
731
00:46:18,742 --> 00:46:21,336
These last two days
have been the worst of my life.
732
00:46:21,512 --> 00:46:23,844
I was scared out of my mind.
733
00:46:24,348 --> 00:46:25,975
I took the Dramamines on purpose
734
00:46:26,150 --> 00:46:29,313
80 we wouldn't have to do anything
that night.
735
00:46:32,589 --> 00:46:34,216
You did?
736
00:46:34,992 --> 00:46:36,585
Did you bash me on the nose
on purpose?
737
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,024
No, that was an accident.
738
00:46:39,196 --> 00:46:41,187
I was glad.
739
00:46:42,399 --> 00:46:43,924
Were you glad the oysters
made me sick?
740
00:46:44,101 --> 00:46:45,125
Yes.
741
00:46:45,803 --> 00:46:47,567
I'm a terrible person, aren't 1?
742
00:46:48,839 --> 00:46:50,500
No.
743
00:46:51,208 --> 00:46:52,676
You're not so terrible.
744
00:46:54,111 --> 00:46:55,806
To tell you the truth,
745
00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,077
I was so happy that you passed out,
I couldn't see straight.
746
00:47:01,185 --> 00:47:04,314
And I was glad
that you smashed me on the nose.
747
00:47:06,323 --> 00:47:08,690
And I didn't really get sick
on the oysters.
748
00:47:09,459 --> 00:47:10,984
You faked it'?
749
00:47:11,161 --> 00:47:12,720
Yes.
750
00:47:12,896 --> 00:47:14,728
You're a terrible person.
751
00:47:19,236 --> 00:47:20,795
Yeah.
752
00:47:23,941 --> 00:47:25,670
You wanna start all over again?
753
00:47:27,377 --> 00:47:29,243
Blind leading the blind?
754
00:47:30,547 --> 00:47:31,844
What the hell.
755
00:47:32,015 --> 00:47:33,540
We must have learned something.
756
00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:50,826
Boy.
757
00:47:51,368 --> 00:47:53,928
We started off with kissing.
758
00:47:54,304 --> 00:47:56,170
What's the difference?
759
00:47:56,340 --> 00:47:58,206
That was kissing.
760
00:47:58,375 --> 00:48:01,675
This is kissing.
761
00:48:09,786 --> 00:48:11,515
This is Captain Stubing.
762
00:48:11,688 --> 00:48:14,988
We hope you enjoyed
your visit ashore in Puerto Vallarta.
763
00:48:15,158 --> 00:48:19,618
Our departure is on schedule
and we are homeward-bound.
764
00:48:46,723 --> 00:48:48,418
- Enjoying yourselves?
- Thank you.
765
00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:50,856
Nice to see you. Nice to see you.
766
00:48:57,734 --> 00:49:00,931
Well, honey, very intimate.
767
00:49:02,372 --> 00:49:03,931
Thank you.
768
00:49:27,397 --> 00:49:30,560
Miss McCoy, this is a pleasure.
769
00:49:31,768 --> 00:49:34,066
The mystery lady
from the promenade deck.
770
00:49:34,237 --> 00:49:35,705
I'm from Chicago.
771
00:49:38,875 --> 00:49:42,573
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I present Miss Frances Roosevelt.
772
00:49:42,746 --> 00:49:47,013
The Griswalds, the Potters,
the Rosenheimers.
773
00:49:47,417 --> 00:49:49,078
Won't you sit down?
774
00:49:49,252 --> 00:49:50,413
Thank you.
775
00:49:50,587 --> 00:49:53,716
Would you like a drink before dinner?
Thank you.
776
00:49:54,691 --> 00:49:55,715
Oh, may I?
777
00:49:56,626 --> 00:49:58,594
Thank you.
778
00:50:14,411 --> 00:50:15,901
How do you think it's going?
779
00:50:16,079 --> 00:50:17,171
Pretty good.
780
00:50:17,347 --> 00:50:21,716
He seems to have the same weakness
you do for intellectual women.
781
00:50:24,588 --> 00:50:27,057
Oh, I'm sure you're asked
this constantly
782
00:50:27,224 --> 00:50:29,625
but are you any relation—
783
00:50:29,793 --> 00:50:31,784
- To who?
- The Roosevelts.
784
00:50:31,962 --> 00:50:33,657
No.
785
00:50:34,231 --> 00:50:35,995
Oh, were you married to Roosevelt?
786
00:50:36,166 --> 00:50:37,827
No.
787
00:50:38,001 --> 00:50:40,095
How did you get
the name Roosevelt?
788
00:50:40,270 --> 00:50:42,102
I don't know.
789
00:50:42,506 --> 00:50:43,905
I see.
790
00:50:44,708 --> 00:50:47,871
Would you care to discuss a book?
791
00:50:48,545 --> 00:50:52,345
With you, I will discuss anything.
792
00:50:57,354 --> 00:50:59,288
What do you suppose
she's telling him?
793
00:50:59,456 --> 00:51:02,915
Oh, they're probably discussing
farm subsidies.
794
00:51:04,661 --> 00:51:07,289
It's after that when dobbin gets sick.
795
00:51:07,464 --> 00:51:10,866
He's a nice old horse
and Dolly Drake loves him very much.
796
00:51:11,034 --> 00:51:13,594
He used to ride him
when she was a little girl.
797
00:51:13,770 --> 00:51:16,535
But he's been rewarded
for being such a good horse.
798
00:51:16,706 --> 00:51:20,233
And now he's living with his wife
in the barn.
799
00:51:22,212 --> 00:51:24,010
That's a pity.
800
00:51:24,915 --> 00:51:27,009
A bam.
801
00:51:28,018 --> 00:51:29,486
You know something,
802
00:51:29,653 --> 00:51:32,918
there's nothing more beautiful
than the full moon at sea.
803
00:51:33,090 --> 00:51:35,320
Oh, yeah.
804
00:51:35,492 --> 00:51:37,927
It's so romantic.
805
00:51:38,095 --> 00:51:41,588
You know, I absolutely lose all control
of myself.
806
00:51:41,765 --> 00:51:47,169
Do you realize that the moon is over
15 billion years old?
807
00:51:47,337 --> 00:51:49,965
I think that's part of its charm.
808
00:51:50,273 --> 00:51:52,401
Its age?
809
00:51:53,610 --> 00:51:58,138
Well, you certainly don't have to be
15 billion years old to be charming.
810
00:51:58,315 --> 00:52:01,683
You don't have to be
sweet 16 either.
811
00:52:03,253 --> 00:52:05,415
What's that supposed to mean?
812
00:52:05,589 --> 00:52:08,820
Well, it means there's a grace
that comes to a person
813
00:52:08,992 --> 00:52:11,757
when she reaches a certain age.
814
00:52:13,630 --> 00:52:16,622
Well, speak for yourself, charlie.
815
00:52:19,970 --> 00:52:25,204
Mae, Mae, you're a lovely vital woman.
It makes me sad
816
00:52:25,375 --> 00:52:28,868
to see you cover up
your God-given good looks with that
817
00:52:29,045 --> 00:52:31,673
phony-looking wig
and that gooey makeup.
818
00:52:31,848 --> 00:52:34,374
Getting old is nothing to be afraid of.
819
00:52:36,186 --> 00:52:39,178
What makes you think
I'm afraid of anything?
820
00:52:39,356 --> 00:52:40,824
I'm just—
821
00:52:41,124 --> 00:52:43,559
I'm just young at heart, that's all.
822
00:52:43,727 --> 00:52:46,560
What's so bad
about being old at heart?
823
00:52:47,097 --> 00:52:52,627
Look, you may enjoy going around
with one foot in the grave, but I don't.
824
00:52:56,106 --> 00:52:58,200
Mae, I'll tell you a little secret.
825
00:52:58,375 --> 00:53:00,434
I took this trip
826
00:53:00,610 --> 00:53:02,169
because my time has come.
827
00:53:02,345 --> 00:53:03,904
I want it to happen at sea.
828
00:53:06,316 --> 00:53:07,841
What?
829
00:53:08,084 --> 00:53:11,679
You see, if it happened in the city
where it's so crowded these days,
830
00:53:11,855 --> 00:53:15,917
you could possibly get
into some sort of holding pattern.
831
00:53:16,092 --> 00:53:17,719
But not here.
832
00:53:17,894 --> 00:53:21,296
Maybe my soul will make it
in one straight shot.
833
00:53:21,698 --> 00:53:25,066
Hey, what are you talking about
anyway?
834
00:53:25,535 --> 00:53:27,333
You don't just
835
00:53:27,938 --> 00:53:28,962
die.
836
00:53:29,139 --> 00:53:32,769
Honey, don't get me wrong.
I love life.
837
00:53:32,943 --> 00:53:36,902
But when a person dies, he's making
room for someone else to be born.
838
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,977
That's the miracle of life,
renewing itself.
839
00:53:40,250 --> 00:53:43,618
Old souls getting recycled
into new ones.
840
00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:46,612
Recycled?
841
00:53:47,958 --> 00:53:50,017
Oh, boy.
842
00:53:50,994 --> 00:53:56,592
You're looking at one soul
that has no intention of being
843
00:53:56,766 --> 00:53:59,667
biodegradable.
844
00:54:00,203 --> 00:54:03,070
If you wanna stand out here
like a nut,
845
00:54:03,406 --> 00:54:06,671
chart your course
into the twilight zone, go ahead,
846
00:54:06,843 --> 00:54:09,403
but don't expect me to hang around
and watch.
847
00:54:09,579 --> 00:54:10,842
Mae, Mae—
848
00:54:11,014 --> 00:54:17,750
And don't expect me to wait around
and give you a farewell toast either.
849
00:54:17,921 --> 00:54:21,084
I save my thoughts for the living.
850
00:54:22,192 --> 00:54:23,523
Where are you going?
851
00:54:24,461 --> 00:54:27,487
To dance my socks off.
852
00:54:32,002 --> 00:54:34,767
So Dolly cures dobbin's broken leg.
853
00:54:34,938 --> 00:54:38,033
And Farmer Windier gives
the little boy the job of taking care
854
00:54:38,208 --> 00:54:40,836
of the puppies
until they're all grown-up.
855
00:54:41,444 --> 00:54:42,502
Wonderful.
856
00:54:42,679 --> 00:54:43,703
Wonderful.
857
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:46,872
Honey, you're about the cutest thing
I ever saw.
858
00:54:47,050 --> 00:54:50,611
Grown-up men in sailor suits
are so manly I can't stand it.
859
00:54:50,787 --> 00:54:52,346
Oh, thank you.
860
00:54:52,522 --> 00:54:56,891
You happen to be
a terribly attractive female.
861
00:54:58,028 --> 00:55:05,230
Tell me, if I were to send a magnum
of champagne to your cabin,
862
00:55:05,568 --> 00:55:06,865
where would I send it?
863
00:55:07,304 --> 00:55:10,501
The cabin is number D6,
I memorized it.
864
00:55:10,674 --> 00:55:13,974
D6 ? No, you don't mean D6.
865
00:55:14,144 --> 00:55:16,704
You must mean C6, B6.
866
00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:18,871
No, DS is the crew's quarters.
867
00:55:19,049 --> 00:55:20,676
No, it's D6.
868
00:55:24,354 --> 00:55:27,517
You'll still send the champagne,
won't you?
869
00:55:29,526 --> 00:55:32,154
I hate to speak too soon
but I think we did it.
870
00:55:33,530 --> 00:55:35,157
We did it.
871
00:55:41,871 --> 00:55:43,896
And what to my wondering eye
872
00:55:44,074 --> 00:55:48,341
should appear but former
Navy gunnery mate, Burl Smith.
873
00:55:48,511 --> 00:55:50,878
Also known as Rodent.
874
00:55:51,047 --> 00:55:52,515
Gopher, sir.
875
00:55:52,682 --> 00:55:56,084
Why did this young lady tell me
this was her cabin?
876
00:55:56,820 --> 00:55:59,084
Miss Roosevelt dropped down
to have a drink with me
877
00:55:59,255 --> 00:56:00,916
and Gopher invited us in here.
878
00:56:01,091 --> 00:56:02,183
Right here into his cabin,
879
00:56:02,359 --> 00:56:04,691
we were just having a little Kahlua
on the rocks.
880
00:56:04,861 --> 00:56:06,795
Before Frankie has to go back up
to her own cabin,
881
00:56:06,963 --> 00:56:08,453
would you care to join us?
882
00:56:11,267 --> 00:56:15,261
Did you pay to be a passenger
on this ship?
883
00:56:15,905 --> 00:56:18,533
No, I just got on.
884
00:56:23,747 --> 00:56:27,149
Gopher, as they say,
the boat has sailed.
885
00:56:28,852 --> 00:56:32,482
- Captain, the truth is—
- Captain, the truth is,
886
00:56:33,289 --> 00:56:36,020
Miss Roosevelt, Frankie,
887
00:56:36,192 --> 00:56:39,287
is actually Cleo Bagby
and she's with me.
888
00:56:39,796 --> 00:56:44,495
And you will all be with me in my cabin
at 1100 hours tomorrow.
889
00:56:44,667 --> 00:56:45,793
- Yes, sir.
890
00:56:45,969 --> 00:56:47,095
- Mr. Smith.
- Sir?
891
00:56:47,270 --> 00:56:50,433
Our last encounter, I thought,
was without precedence.
892
00:56:50,607 --> 00:56:53,076
Now this? How ignominious
893
00:56:53,243 --> 00:56:57,612
that both of you should sacrifice
your careers for a stowaway.
894
00:56:59,916 --> 00:57:01,111
Will you tell me now?
895
00:57:01,284 --> 00:57:04,379
What is it with you
and Captain Stubing?
896
00:57:05,221 --> 00:57:07,155
I sank his yacht.
897
00:57:07,590 --> 00:57:08,785
You what?
898
00:57:08,958 --> 00:57:12,826
Well, I was a Navy gunnery mate.
We were on maneuvers.
899
00:57:12,996 --> 00:57:15,795
It was not my fault. Stubing's yacht
was not supposed to be there.
900
00:57:15,965 --> 00:57:17,899
You shot a gun and sank it?
901
00:57:18,067 --> 00:57:19,466
- That's right.
- A big gun?
902
00:57:19,636 --> 00:57:22,936
Oh, big gun. Cannon.
903
00:57:25,542 --> 00:57:27,101
The Navy cleared me.
904
00:57:27,510 --> 00:57:32,004
But Stubing, he said he'd nail me
if it took the rest of his life.
905
00:57:32,649 --> 00:57:34,208
I think he has.
906
00:57:55,004 --> 00:57:57,336
- Hi.
-Oh, hi.
907
00:57:58,508 --> 00:58:01,000
Did you people notice
that Morris Beakman
908
00:58:01,177 --> 00:58:03,202
was not at breakfast this morning?
909
00:58:04,747 --> 00:58:08,411
And do you know that he refuses
to come out of his cabin?
910
00:58:09,652 --> 00:58:13,316
I know. I looked in on him.
Just a little while ago.
911
00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:16,425
Did he say anything
about the farewell dinner tonight?
912
00:58:16,860 --> 00:58:19,261
Yeah, he said
he wasn't gonna be around for it
913
00:58:19,429 --> 00:58:22,023
but, I mean, I thought it was a joke.
Where can he go?
914
00:58:22,365 --> 00:58:26,199
Oh, if you knew
why he came on this cruise,
915
00:58:26,369 --> 00:58:28,064
you wouldn't ask.
916
00:58:28,238 --> 00:58:30,468
Somebody has to go and talk to him.
917
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:31,698
Well, why don't you?
918
00:58:32,375 --> 00:58:35,106
You know, you made quite
an impression on him.
919
00:58:35,411 --> 00:58:36,879
Me?
920
00:58:38,114 --> 00:58:42,711
Morris told Emie
that he could really fall for you.
921
00:58:43,052 --> 00:58:47,250
If only you were a little older.
922
00:58:48,358 --> 00:58:49,382
Did he really?
923
00:58:50,827 --> 00:58:53,159
Well, I never—
924
00:59:41,878 --> 00:59:45,508
Well, here they are now.
925
00:59:46,149 --> 00:59:48,311
Burl Smith, mad gunner.
926
00:59:48,484 --> 00:59:51,146
Frankie Roosevelt, child critic.
927
00:59:51,321 --> 00:59:53,756
Julie McCoy, secret agent.
928
00:59:53,923 --> 00:59:56,893
Dolly Drake, Barnyard Nurse.
929
00:59:57,060 --> 01:00:00,155
- I beg your pardon.
- That's the book.
930
01:00:00,330 --> 01:00:02,059
Thank you, darling.
931
01:00:03,866 --> 01:00:06,699
You will take care
of Miss Bagby's passage, I trust?
932
01:00:06,869 --> 01:00:10,328
- Oh, yes, sir. Absolutely, sir.
- Good. Now, Mr. Smith.
933
01:00:10,506 --> 01:00:12,406
I have some unfinished business
with you.
934
01:00:12,575 --> 01:00:14,475
Your yacht
wasn't supposed to be there.
935
01:00:14,644 --> 01:00:16,544
Do you mind?
936
01:00:19,382 --> 01:00:21,646
As I was going to say—
937
01:00:24,020 --> 01:00:27,149
My yacht
was not supposed to be there.
938
01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:32,117
- Sire
- Please accept my apologies
939
01:00:32,295 --> 01:00:35,856
for having said I would hound you
to the ends of the Earth.
940
01:00:36,032 --> 01:00:38,194
Oh, sure, heck, no sweat, sir.
941
01:00:40,770 --> 01:00:42,238
Now,
942
01:00:42,405 --> 01:00:47,866
I have given this matter
a great deal of thought.
943
01:00:48,044 --> 01:00:51,503
We have two malefactors
and a stolen passage.
944
01:00:51,681 --> 01:00:53,649
The passage will be paid for.
945
01:00:53,816 --> 01:00:57,719
But what about the malefactors?
946
01:00:59,288 --> 01:01:02,849
They are two otherwise
exemplary sailors
947
01:01:03,026 --> 01:01:05,825
whose involvement in this crime
was accidental.
948
01:01:08,097 --> 01:01:09,326
You might even say
949
01:01:09,499 --> 01:01:13,060
their temporary commander
was an accidental accessory.
950
01:01:13,236 --> 01:01:17,571
Since he insisted on having the
said stowaway at his table.
951
01:01:18,074 --> 01:01:24,741
So since tomorrow will be the last day
we share together and see each other,
952
01:01:25,114 --> 01:01:31,247
and since the passage will be paid for,
and since this is the happiest
953
01:01:31,421 --> 01:01:34,618
and best-run ship
on which I have ever sailed.
954
01:01:38,027 --> 01:01:40,257
With the exception of my yacht.
955
01:01:42,598 --> 01:01:45,829
And because
I would not have missed the story
956
01:01:46,002 --> 01:01:49,370
of Dolly Drake, Barnyard Nurse
for anything.
957
01:01:52,208 --> 01:01:55,405
I suggest you all leave
before I change my mind
958
01:01:55,578 --> 01:01:58,138
and regret not placing you in irons.
959
01:02:28,578 --> 01:02:30,342
Who's that?
960
01:02:32,381 --> 01:02:34,349
I said who's—7?
961
01:02:47,997 --> 01:02:51,331
Morris, you gotta come
to the farewell party.
962
01:02:51,667 --> 01:02:55,763
You'll be the only person there
anywhere near my age.
963
01:02:55,938 --> 01:03:00,876
Mae, oh, Mae. Come in. Come in.
964
01:03:01,577 --> 01:03:04,672
Well, let me look at you.
965
01:03:04,847 --> 01:03:06,042
What's to look at?
966
01:03:06,215 --> 01:03:08,616
You seen one old lady,
you've seen them all.
967
01:03:09,051 --> 01:03:13,284
Mae, I don't know when I've seen
anyone more beautiful.
968
01:03:14,323 --> 01:03:16,314
There's a lot more
where that came from.
969
01:03:16,492 --> 01:03:21,225
I got matronly grace
I haven't even begun to tap.
970
01:03:22,131 --> 01:03:24,964
I want to remember you like this,
always.
971
01:03:25,134 --> 01:03:26,727
Hey.
972
01:03:26,903 --> 01:03:30,567
Hey, you talk like I was leaving you
or something.
973
01:03:30,740 --> 01:03:34,472
You play your cards right,
you may never be able to get rid of me.
974
01:03:34,644 --> 01:03:38,137
Hey, come on. Come on, now.
Get dressed and come to the party.
975
01:03:38,314 --> 01:03:40,749
Honey, it's the best offer
I've had in years
976
01:03:40,917 --> 01:03:44,251
but no, thank you.
977
01:03:44,420 --> 01:03:46,115
Well, why?
978
01:03:46,289 --> 01:03:47,518
Hey.
979
01:03:47,690 --> 01:03:50,091
Hey, you haven't got another date,
have you?
980
01:03:50,259 --> 01:03:54,162
Well, to tell you the truth, dear,
I'm depressed.
981
01:03:54,330 --> 01:03:57,356
You see, I thought this cruise
might be my last happy memory
982
01:03:57,533 --> 01:04:00,195
but here it is, the last night.
983
01:04:00,369 --> 01:04:01,495
And nothing.
984
01:04:01,838 --> 01:04:05,604
Well, life is full of disappointments.
985
01:04:05,775 --> 01:04:06,936
You're telling me.
986
01:04:07,243 --> 01:04:10,804
We just have to learn
to live with them, that's all.
987
01:04:13,983 --> 01:04:18,113
Look, are you just gonna sit there
and stare at me all night
988
01:04:18,287 --> 01:04:20,278
or are you gonna come to the party?
989
01:04:20,456 --> 01:04:22,447
Of course I'll come to the party.
990
01:04:22,625 --> 01:04:27,290
I never could say no
to a beautiful lady. |- See—
991
01:04:27,463 --> 01:04:28,555
Morris?
992
01:04:29,398 --> 01:04:31,594
- Are you okay?
- Oh, it's fine, fine.
993
01:04:31,767 --> 01:04:32,893
Honey, I'm all right.
994
01:04:33,069 --> 01:04:37,028
It's just I got up too quickly.
You know how it is with us old coots.
995
01:04:37,406 --> 01:04:40,341
Come on, I'm fine. Come on.
Get that worried look off your face.
996
01:04:40,509 --> 01:04:44,207
I'm fine, you run along
and I'll join you for dinner.
997
01:04:45,047 --> 01:04:46,708
And, Mae.
998
01:04:51,087 --> 01:04:52,577
Goodbye.
999
01:04:52,755 --> 01:04:54,086
And thank you.
1000
01:04:55,324 --> 01:04:58,658
Hey, what do you mean goodbye?
1001
01:04:59,262 --> 01:05:01,924
We've just begun to say hello.
1002
01:06:02,358 --> 01:06:03,723
All right.
1003
01:06:03,893 --> 01:06:05,486
Where is she?
1004
01:06:05,728 --> 01:06:07,696
She said she was gonna be here
15 minutes ago.
1005
01:06:07,863 --> 01:06:10,230
Oh, take it easy, Emie.
1006
01:06:10,399 --> 01:06:15,303
Morris isn't here either.
They'll probably both show up together.
1007
01:06:15,471 --> 01:06:18,031
She said she forgot her stole.
1008
01:06:18,207 --> 01:06:20,642
How long does it take a woman
to get into a fur?
1009
01:06:21,043 --> 01:06:24,809
It takes most of us the best years
of our lives.
1010
01:06:25,848 --> 01:06:28,215
Oh, here she is. Here she is.
1011
01:06:28,384 --> 01:06:31,649
Oh, I'm sorry, everybody.
I'm sorry I'm late.
1012
01:06:31,821 --> 01:06:33,152
Where's your stole?
1013
01:06:33,990 --> 01:06:36,322
Oh, I guess I left it
in Dr. Bricker's office.
1014
01:06:36,492 --> 01:06:37,721
You got a sick fox?
1015
01:06:38,694 --> 01:06:41,356
I must have forgotten it
in all the excitement.
1016
01:06:41,530 --> 01:06:42,554
Look,
1017
01:06:42,732 --> 01:06:45,030
if he laid one hand on you—
1018
01:06:45,201 --> 01:06:48,796
- One hand.
- Emie...
1019
01:06:49,238 --> 01:06:55,905
That is no way for an expectant father
to behave.
1020
01:06:58,047 --> 01:07:02,780
- And if—? You mean, you and I?
- Emote, we're pregnant.
1021
01:07:03,419 --> 01:07:04,716
How did that happen?
1022
01:07:05,021 --> 01:07:07,581
No wonder it took so long.
1023
01:07:07,757 --> 01:07:10,852
Oh, congratulations, kids.
1024
01:07:11,027 --> 01:07:13,018
Oh, that's terrific.
1025
01:07:13,195 --> 01:07:14,924
Did you just find out about it'?
1026
01:07:15,097 --> 01:07:16,531
Just a few minutes ago.
1027
01:07:16,699 --> 01:07:19,999
Adam has been running some tests
to see what the trouble was
1028
01:07:20,169 --> 01:07:25,539
but before we could finish, bingo,
it was like magic or something.
1029
01:07:25,708 --> 01:07:27,642
We're pregnant.
1030
01:07:27,977 --> 01:07:33,916
It's the miracle of life renewing itself,
just like Morris said.
1031
01:07:35,117 --> 01:07:36,949
Morris?
1032
01:07:38,354 --> 01:07:39,879
Hey, Mr. Beakman?
1033
01:07:40,056 --> 01:07:42,286
Wait till he hears the good news.
1034
01:07:42,458 --> 01:07:44,358
Emie, go get him,
he must be in his room.
1035
01:07:44,527 --> 01:07:48,157
- In his cabin.
- First, you'll have a little bit of this.
1036
01:07:51,367 --> 01:07:54,530
- And I'll go get him.
- Sit down, Emie.
1037
01:08:03,779 --> 01:08:07,272
Morris won't be coming
to dinner tonight, will he, doc?
1038
01:08:08,651 --> 01:08:11,382
Not tonight or ever?
1039
01:08:12,788 --> 01:08:14,256
I'm very sorry.
1040
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:19,660
What are you talking about?
1041
01:08:23,299 --> 01:08:25,529
Oh, no.
1042
01:08:26,702 --> 01:08:28,295
Oh, no.
1043
01:08:28,471 --> 01:08:29,870
Oh, Emie.
1044
01:08:31,874 --> 01:08:34,138
That nice old man.
1045
01:08:35,010 --> 01:08:37,001
I'm very sorry.
1046
01:08:43,119 --> 01:08:46,714
We don't have any cause to be sad.
1047
01:08:46,889 --> 01:08:50,018
This is just what he wanted.
1048
01:08:51,994 --> 01:08:54,656
To Morris Beakman.
1049
01:09:03,439 --> 01:09:05,237
And to life.
1050
01:09:32,168 --> 01:09:35,035
Isn't it a beautiful day?
1051
01:09:35,204 --> 01:09:36,569
Daylight.
1052
01:09:36,739 --> 01:09:39,037
I'd forgotten what it looked like.
1053
01:09:39,208 --> 01:09:41,336
Let's go straight home.
1054
01:09:42,578 --> 01:09:44,672
Can't I go to work first?
1055
01:09:44,847 --> 01:09:45,939
All right.
1056
01:09:46,115 --> 01:09:48,447
Then come right home, okay?
1057
01:09:49,385 --> 01:09:51,046
Come on.
1058
01:09:52,188 --> 01:09:55,158
If it's a boy,
we're gonna name him Morris Adam.
1059
01:09:55,324 --> 01:09:56,348
Thanks.
1060
01:09:56,525 --> 01:09:59,051
- And if it's a girl—
- Ernestine Morris a.
1061
01:09:59,562 --> 01:10:01,394
Mr. Beakman would have liked that.
1062
01:10:01,564 --> 01:10:04,363
It's definitely gonna be a boy.
1063
01:10:04,533 --> 01:10:06,194
How can you be so sure?
1064
01:10:06,368 --> 01:10:10,134
I got it straight from an old soul.
1065
01:10:11,340 --> 01:10:12,774
- So long, doc.
- So long, Mae.
1066
01:10:12,942 --> 01:10:15,274
Bye-bye. Take care.
1067
01:10:15,444 --> 01:10:16,934
Bye.
1068
01:10:25,421 --> 01:10:26,911
See you tonight, Gopher, honey.
1069
01:10:27,089 --> 01:10:28,523
Yeah.
1070
01:10:29,358 --> 01:10:31,349
I love you.
1071
01:10:35,598 --> 01:10:39,796
Well, in spite of everything,
the ship is once again in safe harbor.
1072
01:10:39,969 --> 01:10:42,233
Well, we always manage
to muddle through, sir.
1073
01:10:42,404 --> 01:10:45,499
You know, four days ago, I never
thought I'd hear myself saying this:
1074
01:10:45,674 --> 01:10:47,164
But I'm going to miss you, sir.
1075
01:10:47,509 --> 01:10:49,409
You think you'll never see me again,
don't you?
1076
01:10:49,578 --> 01:10:51,910
Well, I'd hate
to never see you again.
1077
01:10:52,081 --> 01:10:53,139
That's nice.
1078
01:10:53,315 --> 01:10:57,343
In that case, I have some information
that should make you very happy.
1079
01:10:57,519 --> 01:11:00,978
I have been given
permanent command of this ship.
1080
01:11:03,392 --> 01:11:05,793
Permanent command
of the Princess?
1081
01:11:06,328 --> 01:11:08,956
- Forever?
- Until I retire or you sink it.
1082
01:11:09,131 --> 01:11:10,189
Whichever comes first.
1083
01:11:12,568 --> 01:11:14,798
Well, I guess congratulations
are in order, sir.
1084
01:11:14,970 --> 01:11:16,665
Thank you, doctor, thank you.
1085
01:11:16,839 --> 01:11:18,933
From me too on your new job,
1086
01:11:19,108 --> 01:11:21,406
and on getting command
of a terrific ship,
1087
01:11:21,577 --> 01:11:22,976
and a terrific crew.
1088
01:11:23,312 --> 01:11:25,178
Well, I think we're pretty good now.
1089
01:11:25,347 --> 01:11:26,644
In spite of my reputation,
1090
01:11:26,815 --> 01:11:30,046
you will find that I am the easiest man
in the world to work for.
1091
01:11:33,055 --> 01:11:35,683
All I demand is perfection.
1092
01:11:39,928 --> 01:11:41,657
Well, what time
does the mutiny begin?
1093
01:11:41,830 --> 01:11:44,561
- You wouldn't.
- We would.
80296
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