Original subtitles

Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, God.

Did you send our turkey to Jenny Craig?

No. It's squab.

It's a delicacy.

I wanted to try something different this Thanksgiving.

Like make it suck?

Coming.

- Hey. - Hi!

Oh, make sure you, uh, eat dinner

before you come over for dinner tonight.

I was on my way to get the pies,

and I saw these at your door for Val.

They're marked "personal and confidential."

Oh, God! Shh!

Oh, God!

I hope those aren't the annulment papers!

They are.

I'm guessing.

Okay, Tina. Well, you must go hide those!

Isn't it weird how, last Thanksgiving,

Val was about to marry Rick and that ended.

Now this Thanksgiving she's married to Vic,

and that's about to end?

No, no. It is not ending.

They're meant to be.

There's no way I'm letting her lose this one.

Is that because you feel guilty

about ruining her wedding last year?

Shut up!

It was a good thing!

And if I didn't "ruin her wedding,"

She never would have met Vic.

The man she's about to get an annulment from?

Shut up again!

Now, go to the Little Pie Company

and pick up Val her pies.

Why do I have to be the one

that waits in that long line?

I am not the one who feels guilty

about ruining her wedding.

And I am not the one who feels guilty

about hiding the annulment papers.

Yeah, but who's the one who feels guilty

about sleeping with my boyfriend last Thanksgiving?

Off to the pie line.

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Mmm!

This is gonna be the best Thanksgiving ever.

We got stuffing.

We got Vic.

We got yams.

We got Vic.

- We got -- - Holly!

We got Vic.

Hey.

Whoa. Hey, didn't the pilgrims used to hang these

from their rearview mirrors?

Uh, yeah.

You see, it's a -- it's a joke

'cause, uh, they didn't have cars back in the day.

Okay. Well, uh, I'm gonna get going to the firehouse.

You guys have a happy Thanksgiving.

What do you mean you're going to the firehouse?

I have a charity event

for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.

Every year, they auction off dates

with the bachelor firefighters for Thanksgiving.

You're not a bachelor. You two are married.

You shouldn't be allowed in that thing.

Well, technically, we're --

Yeah, we're kind of neither here nor there.

But, I mean, if I had a good reason,

I guess I could get out of it.

Vic?

Yeah?

I hope you go for a lot

at the bachelor auction.

Thanks.

Uh, Val?

- Yeah? - Yeah?

Don't forget to turn off your oven.

Thanksgiving's the number-one fire day of the year.

What is the matter with you?

Why did you let him leave?

I don't know, Holly!

I'm so confused.

I made parakeet!

Well, I am not confused.

You and Vic need to be together tonight.

Well, it's a little late for that.

Oh, is it?

Next up, a Thanksgiving date with fireman Vic!

Val?

We're here for the kids.

How much money you got?

Uh, $100.

I have $100.

That makes...$200.

Okay, let's open our hearts...

I'm not just another pretty face.

We'll start the bidding for fireman Vic at $100.

$100!

$101!

$150!

151...dollars!

$200!

- Damn! - Damn!

What else do you have?

I've got...

uh, $223...

and a lip gloss in the coral family!

Okay, we have $223 for fireman Vic going once...

going twice...

You are so having the best Thanksgiving!

: $5,000.

Sold...for $5,000.

Bianca?

Hey, baby.

"Baby?"

Who's calling your baby "baby"?

Well, Holly, it looks like

we have a new Thanksgiving tradition.

Every year you make my life suck!

Great.

If you and I pool our money together,

we could get the fat chief.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What? What?

What?

Lauren?

Gary?

Were you online with that married poker man again?

He contacted me, I swear.

I told him three weeks ago it was over.

Oh, my God.

Okay. He wants to meet me.

What should I wear?

He wants to meet you on a national holiday

that he should be spending with his wife?

Mm-hmm.

And do you see the part

how he wants us both to wear yellow carnations?

It's like we're spies or something.

Girl, have you no "morale" fiber?

I know that he is married.

And I know that it is wrong,

which is why I have to meet him,

to tell him that he's married and that it's wrong.

And I will do it in a very classy way,

with my cha chas like this.

Lauren, I'm serious. You're gonna get hurt.

Now, promise me you're not gonna go.

Okay. I promise.

Watching you.

I saw that.

I heard that.

Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking.

Very rude, woman, very rude.

But then I thought, now Val is gonna have this image

of Vic and his ex-girlfriend

going 'round and 'round in her brain all day.

It's gonna make her more miserable than last year!

Come on, baby.

Screwing up her wedding to Rick was way worse.

Aw, you're so sweet.

But not to worry, 'cause I fixed everything.

"How," you ask?

With two phone calls --

one to Bianca, who is now picking up Vic at our place,

and one to Vic, who's now being picked up by...

well, you two are smart cookies.

You can figure it out.

Yo. Sorry I'm late.

I was having a confidential meeting

with one of my employees.

Yeah. And, uh, it seems that she has been communicating

with a married man online

and is planning to meet him today.

Yeah, yeah -- today.

Wait. Lauren is meeting her married guy?

I never said it was Lauren.

Excuse me.

Poker man?

Rick?!

Lauren?!

You're my poker man?

And you're my --

- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!

The woman I've been chatting with for months

who's so...

thoughtful and deep and sexy and romantic is you?!

Could you lose a little bit of the disgust?

All right. I mean it in a good way.

My, God. Lauren, I knew you for, what, two years?

And all the things we've been talking about,

I never knew all that stuff about you.

Yeah. Well, you know, you were a little preoccupied,

sleeping with my best friend and all.

God, when you told me

you were the fattest girl at fat camp --

Second fattest.

It broke my heart.

God, I don't think I've ever told that

to anybody but you.

I can't believe it.

'Cause I'm so skinny now?

No, because you're beautiful...

and funny and...

great.

Finally, I can see the front of the line.

Oh, jeez. At a pie place?

Oh, my God.

Guys?

I...I have to get something off my chest.

I was talking about Lauren.

I can't believe I wasted my pearls of wisdom on that woman, my pearls.

All right. Listen up.

What we all saw, we must forget, okay?

If Val finds out that Lauren's married guy is Rick,

I swear it could send her over the edge.

But what if Lauren says something?

Oh, if only!

Wait.

You don't think Lauren's gonna say anything to Val, do you?

Who in the hell knows what she's gonna do?

She said she wasn't gonna meet the dude,

and she met the dude.

She's a loose cannon, I tell you!

Here's the plan.

I have to make sure Vic and Bianca do not leave.

So, Gary, you stay on Lauren.

Make sure she keeps her mouth shut about Rick.

And, Vince, you stay on Bianca and keep her busy.

Make sure she stays away from Vic.

And, Tina...

try not to have sex with anybody.

- Happy Thanksgiving! - Happy Thanksgiving!

Ooh, Val, I got you your favorite sour cream apple pie.

Yum!

Thank you, Holly. Come here.

Listen. I am sorry about what I said earlier.

It was mean. You don't make my life suck.

Thanks.

Have you started drinking yet?

No.

Hi.

Start.

Lauren's here! Yay!

Let the games begin.

Sorry I'm late.

I was just picking up some pie.

It's just

I woke up pretty fragile this morning,

today being the anniversary

of one of the worst days of my life.

Then we went to that auction.

- We never should have gone to that auction. - 'Cause you love Vic?

No, because I am confused,

which is why I am so glad he is going out tonight.

I just need some time to think, you know?

Some peace.

You don't think it would be easier

to figure out how you feel about him

if him were here?

No.

That's too bad.

I'll get it!

- Hi. - Hi, I'm here to pick up Vic.

Um, you must be Bianca.

Bianca's here!

Oh, God, this is gonna be good.

Bianca? W-what is Bianca doing here?

She and Vic are going out to eat around the corner,

so I thought it would be better

if Bianca picked Vic up here.

You?

You!

Let me fill that up for you.

Ooh, yay! Vic's here!

Um, listen. We're gonna get going.

We don't want to interrupt your Thanksgiving.

"Interrupt"? Are you kidding?

You're not interrupting at all!

Why are you even going out to dinner, anyway?

Thanksgiving is about being with friends,

right...Vince?

Bianca, this is Vince.

Hi.

You're pretty.

Thank you.

Take her away.

Um, look, Val, I'm really sorry.

Are you sure this is okay?

Oh, yeah. I mean, you're here.

You don't have your coat on.

And it is cold outside.

So it's decided!

So, uh, the auction --

I heard you went for 5,000 big 'uns.

Speaking of big 'uns, Bianca's a big 'un.

Uh-huh.

So you went to the Little Pie Company, huh?

Did you find that place on the internet?

No. I always get my pies there --

you know, weddings, bar mitzvahs.

All kind of affairs.

And then Vic hit the water,

and his suit came right off.

I had to sit on his lap the whole way home

to keep him covered up.

Wow. You two sure do have a lot of naked stories,

don't you?

They're old naked stories.

Well, remember the time we went go-kart racing?

They don't want to hear that story, "B."

The hell we don't! Tell it, "B"!

You were supposed to be distracting her!

Shh.

Bianca's talking.

So, it was the first time

I had been go-kart racing.

And, oh, my God, the gas pedal gets stuck,

the brakes don't work, and --

I will never forget your face.

What was the face?

Yeah. She was just zooming all around the track.

She looked like a 5-year-old.

So I had to jump on behind her

and pull the gas line out.

Oh. You were my hero.

Aw!

It's a good thing you had those bumpers.

Uh-oh.

Lauren, you're not eating nearly as much

as you did last year.

Now, is that because you're saving room for pie?

What is that supposed to mean?

Nothing. It means nothing.

Well, I'm just saying.

I'm just saying, you know,

if a person gives another person good advice,

she should take it instead of going out to buy pie!

At the Little Pie Company.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Something wrong?

No. No. Nothing.

Maybe not here,

- but this afternoon at the Pie Line -- - Gary!

What's going on?

Ask the hussy!

"Hussy"?

No, you have no right to judge me, okay?

You have no idea what goes on

within these walls of guilty flesh.

Say you're sorry.

No. I have nothing to be sorry about.

What? How can you look your best friend in the face

and say that, huh?

This is a good woman...

with a kind face and good character.

You betrayed her.

You ain't right. You ain't right.

I'm sorry, Val.

I am so, so sorry!

What? For what?

My online poker guy is Rick!

What did you say?

I didn't want to hurt you!

It's just that I love him!

What? You love who?

Rick!

Who?

Rick.

"Rick"? Uh, the Rick I almost married?

But h-he's married to Julie.

It's not going so well.

I am so sorry, Val.

I would never do anything to hurt you.

Excuse me.

Holly, I got it.

No. I have to --

I'm her husband.

"Her husband"?

I am here for you, "B."

Good night, everybody.

And you...drop dead.

Bianca! I-I'll get you a cab!

No, I don't think so.

Okay. Honey, I think you've done enough scrubbing.

Come on.

Even your gloves are getting all wrinkled and pruny.

I'm not wearing gloves.

Okay. Um, look.

Baby, I-I get what's going on, okay?

What happened tonight must have killed you.

I mean, on Thanksgiving, of all days,

you know, the day that your marriage broke up.

Yeah, you're probably feeling,

I don't know, just angry and betrayed and hurt.

Val, come on. Y-you can't hold this inside.

You got to let it out.

Look, when you heard about Lauren and Rick,

that probably just sent you all the way back --

Rick?

This isn't about Rick.

I can't believe that you would think this is about Rick.

For the first time in god knows how long,

just hearing his name made me realize

that I have absolutely no feelings --

Do you like that girl?

D-do I -- what?

Bianca?

You know -- "B."

Do you? Do you like her?

'Cause, you know, she sure seemed to like you.

W-what, with all

the not being able to take her eyes off of you

and the nudie stories

and, you know, the go-kart pedal sticking.

And the laughing -- you guys laughed all night.

Yeah, but I didn't -- a-and I'm not jealous!

I'm really not, 'cause, you know --

It's just --

Why can't I let myself be like that?

I mean, have fun and laugh with you

and be comfortable and have private jokes with you

and share little looks and stories.

I mean, I hate it that I'm so confused

and so stuck and so scared and I --

Mmm.

Wow.

Yeah.

Um, Val...

Mm-hmm?

...Y-you have just made this

the greatest Thanksgiving of my life.

You know, the way the day started out,

I never would have thought that it would be anyth --

I never thought that would happen!

I mean, with the way that the day started out...

Oh, God.

I think I've been forgiven for last year and this year.

Do you realize if I didn't break up that wedding,

that never would have happened!

All right.

- Val? - Hmm?

I swear to God, I'm gonna make you so happy.

I am so very convinced of that.

You know, I am gonna give you

everything you ever dreamed of.

'Kay.

Yeah.

And that is why I'm gonna go to the firehouse now.

Well, I did not dream that.

Okay, Val. Look.

From the second we got married,

you said this relationship wouldn't work

because we did everything backwards.

I said that?

Yeah. A lot.

But, look, we've come so far.

And I want to do this right, okay?

I want to give you everything

that you have ever wanted --

the courting, the dating, the wooing.

Wow. I'm quite the little chatterbox.

I never want you to have any regrets about us, okay?

So good night.

I'm gonna go sleep at the firehouse.

And then you get ready for the date of a lifetime.

Okay, baby?

Be prepared to be wooed off of your feet,

okay?

All right.

What a night.

Mm.

Vic?

Yeah?

You just made this my best Thanksgiving, too.

Oh, my God!

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