Original subtitles

- Morning. - Hi.

Today is the day I am going to ask Vic to be my date

at the opening of jazz night at the bakery.

Really?

You're really gonna ask him?

I know! I know! Can you believe it?

I mean, Daddy was right.

Life is too short to play it safe.

That's what I told you like 85 times.

Yeah, but he's my daddy.

Can you believe it?

All I needed was for everything to make sense.

Now it's all making sense in my head.

Everything's starting to make sense now.

My sister's about to make you very happy!

So, how are you gonna make me...

very happy?

- Well, uh, Vic... - Yeah?

- Um, I've been thinking. - Uh-huh.

And, um, what I've been thinking about is...

buttermilk.

I'm gonna go get some buttermilk

and make those pancakes you love.

Oh, and, uh, would you want to go out with me tonight

on a date?

I'd love to.

Okay, bye.

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Hey!

Chia boy.

Give me a little.

Razor!

You don't like it?

No, I saw you a day and a half ago.

How did it grow so fast?

There's a lot of man happening up in here.

Ow!

Your "lot of man" is hurting me.

Plus it doesn't go with the new jacket I bought you

for jazz night.

See, it says right here on the label --

"Do not wear with a furry face."

And you really got a furry...

Is that peanut butter or hummus?

Peanut butter.

That was a good sandwich.

See any jelly?

All right. Listen up, ladies.

As you know, tonight is the premiere of our jazz night.

In an effort to bring in a finer clientele,

I have created a more upscale look.

So if you would please snap on these...

and do not spill anything on them.

They are very classy and cost me $4 a dozen.

Here.

I don't think so.

I do think so.

Yeah, see, honey, these are the money, okay?

I will not smother them under man clothes.

Besides, who made you the boss of me?

Val. Val promoted me to manager.

Yeah, right. And then what happened, you woke up?

Liar!

Val is like an older sister to me.

Why would she pick you over me?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe because I'm a business major,

I show up to work on time, and I don't have a huge tab

under the assumed name of Miss Barb Mitzvah.

Is it true?

Did you promote Gary over me, and if so, why?

Well, Miss Mitzvah...

Okay, just please tell me.

How could I get to be the boss of Gary?

What do I have to do, a little nookie with the owner?

I'm a woman. I know what you like.

Well, I'll tell you what you have to do.

You have to start showing up on time and actually working!

What else you got?

Well, I could tell you

how I asked Vic out on a date.

What? Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Well, what did he say? Was he excited?

Hey, does Gary know?

Ha! You are so out of the loop!

So, where are you guys going?

Well, okay, how does this sound?

I thought we would come here for jazz night.

And?

- That's it. - That's it?

That's the big date we've been waiting months for?

You're bringing him to work?

Well, yeah.

It's jazz night.

It's perfect.

It allows us to be on a date without sort of being on a date,

because, you know, if it gets too datey

with flowers and him all picking me up and stuff,

then he's gonna start to think

that this is the beginning of the "being in love" spiral.

You know, one date, then another date, and then another date,

and before you know it,

he's gonna want to spend the night in my bed.

Then it's a relationship,

and that is when it all goes to hell.

Interesting.

Do you compare it to hell

because it's all hot and sweaty and kind of burns?

Oh, hey! Dude!

Furry dude!

You like it, huh?

Yeah! Huh?

Ah!

Well, it's coming off. Holly hates it.

Huh.

What?

So, what are you gonna take it off with, a Lady Schick?

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing, nothing. Come on, I'm just saying -- whipped!

Who's whipped?

Nobody...you!

Excuse me. Are you saying I'm whipped?

Totally.

I'm sorry.

I meant to say totally.

I'm supposed to take relationship advice from you?

Aren't you living with your wife, who's not your wife,

who wants you to leave, but you won't?

Actually, you know what?

You should be taking advice from me

because if I would have caved and done what Val told me to do,

like shave my face,

my wife never would have asked me out on a date tonight.

- Get out! - Ha ha!

That's right, Junior. That's right.

A date with my beautiful wife

to jazz night!

So, what you're saying, my man --

I shouldn't shave my beard.

I'm just saying -- if you like it, you should keep it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm not shaving. - No.

- 'Cause I'm a man. - Yeah.

- Man! - Yeah!

I love men!

Hey, baby.

These are for you.

Oh, flowers, how sweet.

You're a little early for our date --

like, oh, three hours.

I am not here for our date tonight.

We are going on a date tonight.

Yeah, I know, but don't tell Gary.

We're keeping him out of the loop.

So, listen, I was thinking,

since you asked me out on a date, I'd reciprocate.

So, what do you think

about a little drive out to the Hamptons on Sunday?

S-s-so another date.

Oh, another date.

T-T-The Hamptons thing -- that's another date, right?

Uh, yeah, because we're dating.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

See, we're just going on a date.

There's no "ing."

Yeah, I thought we'd come here to jazz night

and see how I feel after that, okay?

Okay, um, see how you feel?

I thought this date was about both of us.

Of course, yeah, of course.

I'm just afraid that one of us

could possibly be more into it than the other one,

and I wouldn't want him...

or her...

to get their hopes up

and end up being upset when it doesn't work out.

When it doesn't work it.

I said "if."

No, you said "when."

Why'd you even ask me out, Val?

'Cause I thought it would be fun.

You know, jazz night.

Yeah, well, you're doing everything you can

to make it not fun.

It's like you're taking two steps forward

and then you take 20 steps back.

You know, I was so looking forward to tonight.

It was like I was finally...

You know what? Forget it, all right?

Date's off.

Well, I guess there won't be any burning sensation.

Sorry.

Hi, boyfriend!

Hey, baby.

Ow.

You still have the fur!

I thought you were gonna mow that damn thing.

Eh. I decided not to.

So, what, you're just gonna keep it?

Yeah, I'm getting into it. It kind of gives me a look.

You know what? You're right.

The more I think about it, I mean, shaving is stupid.

Hair is natural.

I mean, did the caveman shave?

- No. - No!

And neither did the cave lady.

You know what?

I am calling Gloria and canceling my wax this afternoon.

Y-y-you're gonna keep your hairy legs?

Yeah! Why not?

I mean, the world loves the fur.

Oh, no, no, no.

I know that it's short and stubbly now,

but wait till it gets long and soft.

Ooh, ooh, ooh! This will be fun!

Where else can I grow out my hair?

You know what, Boo? You were right.

Relationships are about compromise.

I'm really proud of us.

I'm proud of us, too.

We only acted like babies for five minutes,

and now look at us -- shaving together.

Each giving up something we love.

Sweetie, I wouldn't say I love my leg hair.

But you said it was a pleasure not to have to wax or shave.

You're so cute.

You really think I'd like walking around with hair socks?

So, what, you lied to me to get me to shave?

No.

Hey!

So, this is all a game to you?

No.

It was for you.

It's the "Make Vince look pretty for jazz night" game.

So you're manipulating me.

No, I was just trying to get you to do something

that I really wanted you to do.

Everything always has to be your way, doesn't it, Holly?

No.

Vince!

I just didn't want you to look like the father on "Everwood."

What is wrong with us, Val?

Well, you're controlling.

Well, you don't know what you want.

We're both not well.

What made me think

that just because I asked Vince to shave

that he would do it?

'Cause you're used to all your boyfriends

just doing whatever you say.

Yeah, I miss that.

Do you? Or do you miss the one

who's not afraid to stand up for himself,

the one who doesn't put up with your crap?

Yeah, that's the one I miss.

So why don't you tell him?

Why don't you call Vic?

I don't know.

Well, I do.

It's 'cause we're stupid, but that ends now.

I'm gonna go find my boyfriend, and what are you gonna do?

Okay.

Don't use all my minutes.

Yo, man, where the hell is your lead singer?

I gave her very specific directions.

You know, this is not a good reflection upon management.

Some woman from the bakery called her after you.

She said she had a shortcut.

- Who in the hell told -- - I don't know.

Hey.

Hi.

I was just calling you.

Still mad at me?

No, no. I was, but...

I'm really sorry.

No, I'm sorry. I totally overreacted.

Well, that's just because I pushed you,

just like I've been pushing you every day since we got married.

Val...

I want to be with you.

But more than that, I want you to be happy,

and...you're not.

So I just don't know what else to do

except to listen to you...

and to give you what you've been asking for all along.

My lawyer's gonna meet me here any minute.

I'm gonna sign the annulment papers.

Hello.

Hi.

I see that the fuzz got smaller.

Yep.

Well, it's your face,

and I should not be the boss of it

or your clothes or your life.

Well, that's your style.

I know -- a bad, bad style.

I'm really working on changing it.

You don't have to change it.

I mean, completely.

You're strong. You have your own ideas about stuff.

You're not a "yes" girlfriend.

No, sirree.

And it's okay most of the time.

It's just, you know, I have ideas, too.

No, I know. I know.

And I'm really gonna start listening to more of them.

Really?

Yes.

See, look -- the first thing I said was "yes."

It's already starting.

You don't have to say yes all the time.

Well, of course not.

Just right now...

when I ask you to come inside.

Yes.

Yes.

Val, look. Do you really, really want this annulment?

Yes, I do. I did. I mean, I don't know.

Aaaahhhh, too much!

Okay, look.

My mother always told me, "when hesitant, don't buy."

And Loehmann's, my friend, is a lot like life.

When hesitant, don't sign.

Hey, Gary.

That little band of yours sure could use a singer.

Too bad she got rerouted to Connecticut.

Tina, um, 10 bucks an hour -- you sing.

- $15. - $7.

Yes!

You see those two dancing?

I made that happen.

Hey, is that Tina singing?

I hate to tell you, Vince.

Even though you got your way by not shaving,

I still won.

Oh, yeah? How do you figure?

'Cause you look so smoking hot in that goatee.

Vic.

Hey, are you Vic's lawyer?

Yes, I am.

Are those the annulment papers?

Yeah, Lauren, they are.

Okay, let's get these signed.

Hey, how about some champagne to toast the occasion?

Okay. Ladies first.

Oh, my God!

Oh, God, I'm such a clod!

I am so sorry!

Wait, wait, wait! You'll smear everything.

Oh, God, I feel like such an idiot.

You just can't even read a thing.

Damn!

Now I'm gonna have to get a new set of copies,

and Thanksgiving is next week, and I'm out of town.

Vic, can this wait a few days?

Is that okay with you?

Well, sure. We don't want to ruin the man's Thanksgiving.

Look, I am so sorry.

Why don't you guys go finish your little dance,

and I'll help Mr. Attorney clean up?

So, uh, if I slipped on the floor in this place,

how much do you think I could take the owner for?

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