Original subtitles

Oh, my God!

We've been waiting here for like 20 hours!

They should invent a bank where actual people help you.

What's your rush?

- I can't tell you. - Fine.

Seriously, you can't know.

Okay.

Stop it!

It has nothing to do with your Christmas present.

- I have to go now or the place is gonna close. - So go.

I can't. I have to deposit my paycheck.

That's stupid. I got to deposit mine.

Just give me your PIN.

Uh...

You don't trust me?

No, no. Of course I trust you.

It's just...

Okay, before I tell you my PIN,

you have to know

that nobody has ever gotten inside my heart and soul

the way you have.

I love you so much.

- Holly, what's the -- - "Ben-4-ever."

Mmm, baby, it's cool.

You had a life before me.

- Aw, you're so -- - Change it.

Done.

So here's my paycheck, and save the receipt.

Thanks.

Vince-4-ever.

That's for one week?

Oh, my God.

I'm Kevin Federline.

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Lauren, Lauren, Lauren!

Oh, my God, it happened -- Vic and I.

Holy crap!

You and ham arms finally did it?

No -- we kissed! And it was amazing.

Oh, my god, you kissed? How was the breath?

Like a field of mint with a touch of candied yam.

Oh!

So what happened after the kiss?

He left.

- He left? - Yeah.

He said that he wants to woo me,

so he's taking me out on a date tonight.

So, you guys are gonna woo after your date?

Do you know what the word "woo" means?

Yeah, it means that Vic gets naked

and then you go, "woo."

Val, this came for you.

Ooh! This must be one of the clues.

Vic said he's gonna send me clues

about where he's taking me tonight.

Oh, look -- it's a poem.

"Time that keeps dear love from me

is but my lonely heart's enemy."

Is that the sweetest?

What's he saying with that?

Yeah, I think he's telling her that he likey the dudes.

No, it's about time and love and --

Ooh! And, oh, look -- there's a watch.

Oh, look. It's stopped at 6:00.

That must mean our date is at 6:00.

Yeah, or your gay husband got a good deal on a broken watch.

Oh, Lauren, stop it. This is Val's day, okay?

After making out with her ex-fiancé,

you get no days for the rest of your life -- now!

Oh, my God, I can't believe that you are still harping --

You know what, Gary? It's okay.

Lauren and I have moved past the fact

that she betrayed me and made out with my ex-fiancé.

Yeah, what about the fact that she betrayed me?

- I told the woman -- - Hey, when have I ever listened to you?

Hey, I'm a player!

Okay! Stop it!

It's my day!

Oh.

Isn't Vic incredible?

So sweet and thoughtful and romantic.

Yeah. Rick was romantic.

Yeah, with you, with his wife, Sara down the street.

Okay! Gary, I said it's over, all right?

Let's not talk about it anymore.

Let's just be happy that that loser is out of her life.

Excuse me?

You heard right.

Uh, w-what do you mean by "loser"?

Well, Lauren, honey,

I mean this in the most loving way.

When someone is a cheat and a liar,

it kind of makes them a loser.

Okay, come on! We have customers.

Uh, okay.

Just because he cheated and lied to you

does not mean that he's going to treat me the same way.

He's already treating you the same way.

He's cheating on you with his wife.

Yeah, but that's just 'cause

she doesn't like to get freaky.

Listen to me.

Rick is never gonna leave his wife.

Uh, hey, what are you -- the God of Rick?

You don't know that.

Uh, I was engaged to the man. I think I know him.

You don't know him the way that I know him.

Look, he is gonna break your heart,

just like he broke my heart,

just like he is breaking his wife's heart,

just like he's gonna break the next girl's heart.

That's what he does.

Rick is never gonna leave his wife for you!

Okay.

Now you're really pissing me off, nasty!

See, unlike the two of you,

Rick and I are on the same page.

Oh, the same web page?

Isn't that where you two started

your deep and meaningful relationship?

Oh, yes -- as opposed to

your deep, meaningful relationship with Vic?

Hmm, now when did that start? Let me think back.

Oh, yes, the bottom of a tequila bottle!

That's just because Rick cheated on me!

And I don't blame him!

Mmh!

Okay, let's all give it up for the Sugar Babies players!

Thank you.

- Hey, man. - Hey, hey.

Can I talk to you about something?

It's -- it's kind of embarrassing.

Oh, say no more.

Use the cream from the third shelf in the medicine cabinet.

It takes away everything.

Gary, it's about Holly.

Oh. Tell Holly, "use the cream from the third shelf --"

Gary, it's not about that.

I saw Holly's paycheck. It's huge.

I can't stop thinking about it, man.

She makes so much more money than me.

And?

And it bugs me.

I mean, I'm the man. I'm supposed to be the provider.

No, no -- you are the man

because you found yourself a rich girlfriend.

High five.

So it wouldn't bother you that your girlfriend

makes twice as much money as you?

Look, man, why make it a problem when there is no problem?

You love her. She loves you.

Yeah, but it bugs me --

So you think that Holly is so far beneath you

that she isn't entitled to making more money than you?

- No, it's just -- - Then she doesn't deserve to make more money?

- No, she deserves -- - Then it's your stupid pride.

Aw, that could be it.

Now, what are you gonna do about it?

I'm gonna get past it -- try to get past it.

No, you're gonna do it, because real men get past it.

You're acting like a weak man. Now, are you a real man?

Raaargh!

Weird man, but real man.

Thanks, Gary.

Now, you know you got to pay for that.

Put it on Holly's tab.

A real man can let his woman pay for his muffin.

That's what I'm talking about. Keep it pimpin', player!

Keep it pimpin,' all right. I wrote the book on macking.

Hey, Val, someone's here for you.

: Oh, ho!

Lauren, did you come to apologize,

finally see the error of -- oh, flowers.

Clue number two.

See, Gary, Lauren needs to understand

what a real relationship is about --

a relationship with a man who is not a liar and a cheat,

a man who can put these flowers on his Mastercard

and not worry that his wife is gonna find out about it.

"Dear Lauren, I've left my wife. Love, Rick."

My mistake. Not your clue.

Coming!

- Hi. - Hey.

So I got your text message. What's the emergency?

You need your man for something?

Lift something heavy, kill a bug, ride a bull?

I'm your man.

Yeah, later.

First, I want you to open your present.

Merry Christmas!

I know it's early, but I couldn't wait.

Why can't we just wait till Christmas?

Because I'm too excited, and you have no idea how hard it was

for me to keep this trip to the Caribbean a secret.

Oops.

See?

You bought me a trip?

I bought us a trip.

Four days, blues skies, golden sands.

That's, uh -- that's very generous of you.

Raargh.

Anything for my baby.

Wait till you see the hotel I got.

It was completely booked, so I schmeared the guy a little bit,

and I got us this great deal on a room with an ocean view.

Who's the man?

I can't go.

I...I can't take four days off of work.

Wait. What?!

Well, part of it's a weekend, so it's really only two days.

I...I just can't pick up and leave.

Well, it's two days.

Last year you took off an entire day to see the Incredibles.

I'm not going.

Wait. What? Yes, you are.

Don't tell me what I'm gonna do.

Okay, fine. Don't go.

- Merry Christmas, weirdo. - Same to you.

Well, sucks for you because it's the luxury resort

where Britney and Kevin got married!

I can't do it, Gary.

I tried to be cool, but I cannot be a kept man.

You ain't trying hard enough.

I don't understand him, Tina.

I gave him the trip, and he totally freaked out.

I hate him so much right now, but I don't know why.

I may be able to help you. Hold, please.

: I got to make more money, Gary.

I -- Holly is just gonna keep making more and more.

I'm telling you, she's going places.

And I'm just going to those places to deliver packages.

Relax, man. All right?

There are many ways for you to make some serious cash.

Two words -- sell your kidney.

I feel like such a loser.

I mean, what kind of job can I get

to even come close to what she has?

Um, let's think about it for a second.

You've never worked in an office.

You don't have any experience.

Um...

You know what I can see you doing?

Selling real estate.

Real estate? I don't know anything about --

Look, man, the key to New York real estate

is inside information.

And who knows the city better than you?

You've delivered to every doorman in every building.

I do know what's going down on the streets.

Dude...

I am so a real estate agent!

Oh, Gary.

I have looked everywhere. There's no sign of Lauren.

Why did I have to open my big mouth?

Why is everyone coming to me today?

I am tired of trying to help everybody

with their problems.

I tried to help Vince, I tried to help...

wait, who else did I try to help?

Just me.

Oh. Well, how can I help you?

Gary, I am a horrible friend.

I said some horrible things,

and the horrible things I said are all wrong.

Yeah, but you're the man, and you make more money than her.

What?

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm getting my clients all mixed up.

Uh, let's see. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

You're the one with the second clue to your date.

Oh.

Isn't he precious?

Yeah, it's not often you see a teddy bear

in his formal attire.

It must mean Vic's taking me someplace fancy.

Where do you think she could be?

Who?

Lauren!

Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, she's at the Fashion Corner.

She called a while ago.

Uh-oh. I...I think I sent -- oh, well.

I hope Vince finds something cute when he gets there.

She's been in here for, like, two hours.

She tried to have some wonton soup delivered,

but we have a strict "no food" policy.

You wouldn't know it by the cows I've seen

parading through here.

Lauren?

Hmm.

What are you doing here?

Finding you...to apologize.

I'm so sorry for the things I said.

Oh, I'm sorry, too.

Hey, um, why do you think it is

that every time I find a guy I like,

there's always some "but," you know?

He's cute, but he's got to get back

to the psych unit before 6:00.

He's super smart, but he's a flasher.

And now Rick.

You know, I thought that we could have been soul mates,

but he's married.

Yeah, about that...

this came for you with a dozen roses.

Oh, my God. He left his wife?

That's what it says.

So I was right.

And I was wrong.

And, you know, I've been thinking about it.

Whatever you want to do, I am there for you, okay?

I don't ever want to let Rick ruin our friendship.

Oh, sweetie, he never will.

Uh, Val? Can I ask you a question?

Anything.

Does this beret make me look French

or like I work at La Crepe?

Mostly, it just makes you look stupid.

See? We're friends.

I can say that.

Yeah. Your hair looks flat.

Oh!

You know what? Maybe I just misjudged him.

You know, maybe truly being in love with someone

can change a person.

Yeah, look how being in love with Vic has changed you.

And I never would have gotten there

if I didn't have a friend like you to help me.

Aw.

I'm so great.

Yes, you are. You're terrific.

Okay.

Um, Val, there's something that I should prob --

Ladies, can I ring any of that up for you?

No.

Then we're closed. Get out.

Closed? Oh, my God, what time is it?

Ohh! Oh, no!

I don't even know where I'm supposed to meet Vic!

He said he was gonna leave another clue at the bakery!

- Where's my cell?! Where's my cell?! - Here, use mine.

Okay...oh...okay.

- Quit! - Okay, sorry.

Oh. Oh, God.

H-he says that he waited 45 minutes at the restaurant,

and then he left because he thought that I backed out.

No, no, no! You didn't back out!

No, I didn't back out! I came here to find you!

Oh, I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!

Coming.

Hi. I am so glad you came.

I have been calling you and calling you.

Oh. Tha -- that's not a loving look.

So, funny thing.

Yeah, I was out all day trying to find a new job.

What? You're looking for a new job?

- I thought you loved your -- - Holly?

Continue.

So I got a call for an interview

with a really huge real estate firm.

That's so fast-paced and exciting.

Real fast-paced.

So fast-paced, in fact, they called me in for an interview

based on an impressive résumé I didn't send them.

That is awesome.

You're unbelievable.

You made me a résumé and sent it over without even asking?

Vince, I just didn't want you pounding the pavement,

'cause it's not how you do it.

No, it's not how you do it.

Holly, I can get my own interviews.

Why won't you just let me help you?

No. Holly, I've been taking care of myself

since I was 17 years old.

I know, but if I have experience in something --

No!

Holly, I want to be the one who takes care of you.

I want to be the one that buys tickets to the Caribbean.

I want to be Britney Spears.

Okay, but what's the difference

if we're both going to the Caribbean together?

I don't know.

It's just... it's just different.

You do take care of me.

Oh, yeah?

How do I take care of you?

You love me.

And...you go to the Caribbean with me.

Only if I pay for the next trip.

Okay.

And...if I were you,

I would go with the gray pinstripe suit

for the interview.

Holly, I can pick out my own clothes.

Good call on the gray pinstripe.

Hey, look.

It's the program from my high school graduation.

Vince, your interview's gonna go great.

You're gonna be charming, funny, smart, sexy.

: Vince!

- Robin? - Vince!

I was just so excited

when your résumé came through the fax.

I pulled it immediately

and got you an interview with Daddy before he left town.

Oh, I hope you don't mind.

I got your address off your résumé.

I wanted to give you a heads-up before you meet with Daddy.

Robin, wow. Robin?

I didn't know you were --

Holly, this is Robin.

Yes, I gathered.

- Robin Marquette. - I'm Holly Tyler. I'm Vince's --

Wow. So Marquette Properties is your...

Daddy's company.

That parking lot business

he started when we were in high school really took off.

We went to high school together.

Oh. So are you in the program?

If those parking lots could talk, huh, Vince?

But they can't.

Pavement.

When I went off to Sarah Lawrence,

I totally lost touch with this guy.

You know how it is when you go to college.

Yeah, no, totally.

Yeah, I graduated comma sum...

you know, whatever.

Can you believe this coincidence?

No. I mean, it's unbelievable.

Come on.

I've got the company limo.

My God, how is it you look even better

than you did four years ago?

Nice to meet you.

Oh, back at ya.

- I'll call you. - Okay. Yeah.

Knock 'em dead.

I am not pleased.

Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

You missed your date because of me.

Oh, the traffic out there was so bad.

Maybe the president is in town.

He's always making a mess of everything.

Damn. No messages.

Oh, okay. Here's what it was.

Look, Val, there's a huge fire in Soho.

Oh, please, dear God, don't let it be the DKNY store.

: Additional units from Spring, Jones,

and Duane Street stations were called in to help out.

Duane Street. Oh, my God. T-that's Vic's station.

We've just been informed that three firefighters

have been seriously injured in a roof collapse.

Okay, uh, Val, I am sure that right now

Vic is into his third martini,

telling the bartender what a freak his wife is, okay?

Look, that's probably him right now, drunk dialing.

Hello?

It's the fire department.

Yes, this is Mrs. Meladeo.

Oh, God.

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