Original subtitles

(theme music plays)

WALTER WINCHELL: Chicago, December 18, 1930.

In a swank academy on the north side,

a distinguished group competed

for the pocket billiard championship of the world.

Thousands of dollars hung on every shot.

And on Chicago's south side,

another contest-- Herbie Catcher

was playing eight ball for 50 cents a game.

(sniffs)

The corner.

(sighs, clears throat)

Two bucks light.

I'll pay you tomorrow.

Uh, listen, I got something going tonight.

Something big.

Tomorrow I'll have dough coming out of my ears.

Just have my two bucks.

(sighs)

(sighs)

Easy shot like that, and ... (chuckles)

Yeah, somebody moved, that's what it was.

Nobody moved.

Some men can play a money ball, some can't.

You got other things, Herbie.

You're nice.

Oh, sure.

I'm the nicest guy you never saw.

You'd be surprised at the things I can see.

I'm an owl in the dark.

I see plenty, Herbie.

Can you see that roll I'm gonna have in my pocket?

-(chuckles): Oh... -Hey, I'm not kidding,

I got something big going.

Just got to make this call.

Uh, Josh, I don't seem to have any nickels.

Sure.

Thanks, pal.

(sighs)

Uh, Herbie Catcher.

I got something for you.

Yeah.

Tell Mr. Ness about 20 minutes.

ANNOUNCER:

"The Pea."

Starring Robert Stack as Eliot Ness.

Co-starring Sally Gracie...

Albert Paulsen.

With special guest star Frank Gorshin.

And narrated by Walter Winchell.

WINCHELL: On December 18, the office of the Untouchables

was invaded by a regular visitor, Herbie Catcher.

Herbie, as always, was in a selling mood.

HERBIE: And so I say to myself,

the least I could do is pass the information on

to my good friend, Mr. Eliot Ness.

What do you got for us, Herbie?

Wally Marco's back in town.

He was in town.

He left on the 3:00 plane today.

By invitation.

Oh, well, you ask me, you did the whole town a big favor.

(chuckles): That Marco's poison, 14-karat.

Mm. Need anything on Angel Podaris?

The Angel was in last night.

Word's around he sold out to Rawlings.

But I guess you know about that.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I was just gonna say.

Oh, hey, did I tell you?

There's a new place...

there's a new place on Maple Street.

They're making bottles for imported scotch.

Nothing, huh?

We knocked it over last week.

(exhales)

Well...

Appreciate your coming in, Herbie.

Oh, it's nothing. I had to be in the neighborhood.

Herbie.

Oh, no, I don't take any handouts.

Cab fare-- you're entitled to expenses. Go on.

Well... if it's expenses.

You know, it don't hurt to have a five on you.

Them hackies never got change for a 20.

-Never. -Never.

Nice talking to you, Mr. Ness.

Anytime, Herbie.

-Well, hi. -Hi, Herbie.

He come in to tell you about Cusher?

-What about him? - Just got knocked off.

Sitting at his own desk, behind his own guns.

Rawlings.

Think he's starting to make his move?

Well, he's been waiting two years.

So have I.

You were late.

I had to wait for a call.

The Angel?

Is there anything special you want for dinner?

No.

I was just wondering.

I heard about Cusher on the radio.

Your job has two simple functions:

to be decorative and entertaining.

Let's not complicate things.

♪♪

Thank you.

You don't need a check.

Where's Zehner?

On the floor.

How do you do?

-Hello. -So nice to see you.

(woman screams)

(loud clattering)

My dress! -I'm sorry. I...

Please go upstairs.

(woman groans, yells)

Water'll take it off.

-Look at my dress! -Mr. Hendricksen.

-I am so sorry, sir. -Stupid!

The young lady will go

to Brenet's tomorrow and order a new dress,

with my compliments.

No check.

You.

- (indistinct talking) -(groaning)

-Mr. Zehner! -You lousy little busboy!

WOMAN: Max, leave him alone.

-I said leave him alone. -You saw what he did.

He was looking at that blond dame,

just like you've been looking, Max.

Now, what is it, you have a reservation, huh?

What are you talking? She means nothing to me.

It's the third time in one week

that that blond sparrow's been in here.

Sure, sure, she's with Rawlings.

Well, she better stay with Rawlings, Max,

because if you get any notions,

I'm gonna blow the whistle on you, but fast.

(door opens)

-(door slams) -Are you all right?

Yeah. Hey, thanks, Mae.

Oh... he had it coming to him.

Mae? -Hmm?

Uh, you wouldn't do that, would you?

What?

You know, like you said, uh, blow the whistle on Max.

Oh, I sure would.

And I got the wind to blow the whistle with.

(door opens)

Beat it. Get lost.

Go on.

NESS: Hello, Mae.

Just shows you, I said my prayers last night.

Was hoping you wouldn't be here.

Well, it's a lousy life, but I'm hooked.

Anyway, how else would I get to see you?

-Three, gentlemen? -Oh, Andre,

this gentleman you're talking to is Mr. Eliot Ness.

-Mr. Ness? -Well, now, you relax.

If he were here on business,

the front door would already be broken down.

Mr. Ness loves to break doors down.

I hate to carry keys.

Give him table five.

Let the suckers see him.

Then slap the five dollar cover on the check

for the floor show.

♪♪

There's no Rawlings.

Guess it wasn't the food.

I wonder where he can be.

Haven't you ever heard it's polite to knock?

You knock with Eliot Ness on your back.

-Ness? Downstairs? Mm-hmm.

-What did he want? -Nothing.

-What'd you say? -I just told you, he didn't ask me anything,

so I didn't say anything.

Half the time, you're too boozed up to know, anyhow.

You're gonna let him talk to me like that?

You're just gonna stand there

and you're gonna let him, hmm?

Look, Mae, we don't want no trouble.

What he says to me, that doesn't mean anything, hmm?

Mae, please.

12 years, and that's all I am to you?

I'm just a dame in a hatcheck room?

A dame that any louse can insult.

I don't like such talk.

Well, you're not gonna hear it anymore, Max,

because I'm about to pour you out like a glass of stale beer.

-Mae! -And I have got

the whole thing written down in black and white.

Names, dates, amounts, the whole thing.

And when I say names,

Mr. Big Mouth, that includes you in.

In fact, you're number one,

-at the top of the list. -Mae, please!

What are you trying to do?

MAE: You keep your paws to yourself.

You drunken fool.

(excited chatter, gasps)

WINCHELL: Mae Denby had died of a broken neck.

The inquiry was little more than a formality,

particularly since Herbie Catcher

supported the testimony of his boss, Martin Rawlings.

No question about it, it had been an accident.

You did very well.

Well, thanks, Mr. Rawlings.

Thanks.

(engine starts)

Twenty bucks!

(exhales)

Max, I hope you understand.

If there is a written record, I'm vitally concerned.

There is no record.

If you've been lying to me just because you've been foolish...

You tell me what reason I got to lie.

(clears throat)

How could she write what she doesn't know?

(engine starting)

Stop worrying.

(phone rings)

Poolroom.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, he just come in.

Sure.

You betcha.

Herbie?

Me?

Yeah.

Hello?

Well, yes, sir.

Now?

Uh, yeah, I guess so.

Yeah.

Hey, some guy of theirs, he gets nervous, you know?

He wants to see me right away.

Save your money, though, Cooker,

'cause I'll take it from you some other time.

So long.

Don't leave your change.

Huh? Oh, yeah, that's right.

That's two for you, Cooker.

For you, Josh. Thanks, pal.

Thanks, Herbie.

(door buzzes)

Hi.

Hi.

Boy, the traffic was terrible.

Hung me up a little, Mr. Zehner.

That's all right, Herbie. It's all right.

You want a drink?

No, thanks.

Hey, you done all right last night.

Hey, you think so?

Yeah, you got a start.

Maybe someday you work up to something.

Well, it's nice of you to say that, Mr. Zehner.

Yeah, I got to hand it to Mae.

She was smart, Mae was.

She could see you was gonna be somebody.

Well, you know, Mae was always good to me.

Oh, she was wonderful.

Twelve years with me.

Hmm.

So she takes a couple of drinks in there

and tells Rawlings she got things written down,

(laughing)

In a book.

Maybe she told you about this book, eh?

No. No, no.

Maybe you seen it?

No, I couldn't say.

I tell you something, Herb.

This place don't come easy to me.

A lot of work, huh?

A lot of work.

I started with a little speak, a hole in the wall.

A lot of nights, a lot of hard days.

I don't lose all this easy.

I don't fool with you, Herbie.

I want this book.

You find it, you get a hundred bucks.

A hundred bucks?

Just remember where you seen that book,

you'll get a hundred bucks right in your hand.

I was gonna say, Mr. Zehner,

a hundred bucks, well, that don't buy no yachts.

What do you want?

Well...

Well, let's say a waiter.

You know, a waiter makes that much every week.

(laughs)

It takes me two years to learn a waiter.

How to serve, how to carry, even how to stand.

Well, that's too bad.

I was kind of hoping...

You're not big enough to be a rat, Herbie.

(door buzzes)

Oh, you got company?

All right, you find the book, I'll make you a waiter.

(buzzing continues)

And, uh, tonight, you take the checkroom.

Sure.

Until I get a girl.

Sure.

Oh, hi, Mr. Rawlings.

I was telling him, uh, how good he done last night.

Yes.

He lies very well.

Almost well enough to own a restaurant.

You worried about him?

He's a nothing.

He's a nobody.

Maybe he can lie to Ness, not to me.

I swear it.

(chuckles, clears throat)

Hey, wait.

No noise, no fuss.

Make it easy on yourself.

(tires screech)

NESS: Hello, Herbie.

Oh, Mr. Ness.

I was in the neighborhood.

(laughs)

Wow, you guys really gave me the willies.

Those two guys, I thought (stabbing sound).

How come all this rigamajig?

In case your friends had a tail on you.

What friends?

Zehner and Rawlings.

Maybe they're worried about you, Herbie.

Maybe I'm worried.

Why?

Maybe you didn't say all you know,

maybe you're holding out on me.

Aw, come on, what do you mean, holding out?

You were there.

You were closer.

Mr. Ness, would I ever cross a friend like you?

We had a man on you in that poolroom today.

You were flashing some important money.

Oh, yeah, $20.

Rawlings, he give me that last night.

What for?

Well, you ain't the only one

that hands out cab fare, Mr. Ness.

Only Rawlings, he can hand it out a little bigger.

Okay, but that kitchen can get pretty hot, Herbie.

Take my advice: find yourself a new job.

Jobs ain't so easy to find, Mr. Ness.

Besides, where am I gonna get all them tips for you?

Hey, don't worry, I can handle it.

Oh, uh, you mind if I ask you something?

I don't know till you ask.

Suppose Mae had something on Max and Rawlings.

Suppose she wrote it down, like in a book.

She ever tell you she had a book like that?

No.

Did you ever see the book? Did you ever see her writing in it?

Wait, I said 'suppose.'

I guess you'd pay pretty good for something like that, huh?

You bring it in, then we'll talk price.

Okay.

Friday night, wild duck.

Let me know, I put some aside for you.

Good night, sir.

So nice to see you, miss.

Good night. Good night, sir.

Bunch of pigs.

I got a girl starting tomorrow night.

I won't need you in here no more.

You ain't forgetting about the waiter's job, are you?

You find that book, we will have no arguments.

Mae's coat.

That dame.

Cost me a hundred bucks.

Mr. Zehner?

I, uh, I got this girl, see,

and, well, she takes the same size

and I was wondering if, uh...

well, she could use a good coat, you know,

and be hardly nothing if you'd...

MAN: Max.

Rawlings wants you upstairs.

Step on it, huh?

Mr. Rawlings is steamed up about the book, huh?

That's why the Angel's on your back.

Nobody's on my back. Nobody.

Okay.

(phone rings)

WINCHELL: At 8:00 the following morning,

Max Zehner received a telephone call.

Max had had a very bad night.

He was very sleepy.

The phone call woke him up fast.

Where?

Where is it?

Now, don't worry, Max. It's nice and safe.

I got it put away real good.

Where?

In an envelope,

and it's all ready to mail.

You know who to?

Eliot Ness.

Ness?

Now, if anything happens to me, Max,

it goes straight to him.

You got to get up pretty early to fool little old Herbie, huh?

Who's trying to fool you? Who?

I said I'd make you a waiter, I make you a waiter.

No, I don't think so, Max.

I promised you.

Yeah, but I changed my mind.

What are you talking about?

We got a deal.

We got a deal for me to be a waiter.

I don't want to be a waiter.

What else?

I want to be a captain, Max.

A captain.

(on phone): A captain?

You're out of your mind!

You think I'm gonna let you do this to me?

We got a deal...

WINCHELL: Zehner's customers expected service.

In the next few weeks, they were overwhelmed.

The new captain of waiters was everywhere at once.

No lady ever took her chair without help.

No man ever struck his own match.

No table was ever without his attention.

Herbie Catcher was suddenly ten feet tall.

He did not go unnoticed.

Josh, three-ball combination.

Watch this.

Woo hoo, like it had wings.

Ball always drops when you're practicing, Herbie.

What, are you kidding?

I got the angles down cold.

Cooker takes you regular.

Oh, so what?

A couple of lousy bucks?

We're gonna have that to burn.

I tell you I'm gonna quit my job?

Quit?

Yeah, maybe two or three weeks.

How come?

I'm gonna be a partner.

How about a game?

Oh, you mean a game of pool, sure.

Buck a point?

I work for the government.

Don't bother racking.

Oh, hey, Josh, I want you to meet Mr. Eliot Ness.

You and him are the two best friends I got.

Including Max Zehner?

Zehner?

Busboy to captain in one easy jump.

That would make him a pretty fair friend.

Oh, wait a minute, I'm good.

I've got a talent; I can handle people.

You can handle Max.

What kind of a spot have you got him on, Herbie?

Hey, come on, Mr. Ness.

That book of Mae's you told me about?

Hey, wait a minute.

Here, Josh.

I didn't tell you nothing.

I said "suppose.”

I just suppose you know where it is.

Suppose we talk a deal.

Rawlings has got to be in it, too.

I want Rawlings, Herbie.

I want him bad.

Personal, huh?

Known the man for years, ever since college.

Played cards with him, go to ballgames,

go fishing together.

You talk him into joining your staff,

you put him on Rawlings,

one week later, he's dead.

Yeah, you can call it personal.

Don't hold out on me, Herbie.

I'm not holding out, Mr. Ness.

I don't want to have to hurt you.

Don't you hurt me.

Hey, how could I hurt a good friend?

Just so you know who your friends are.

Is it warm?

The janitor still thinks he's in Russia.

This should help.

My father always used to say,

"Whiskey when you're cold and gin when you're warm."

He could go from cold to warm in ten minutes.

This is good.

You're good.

You make everything good.

You make everything right for me.

Oh, you were just lonely, Max.

When you lose somebody close to you like that.

Mae?

Close?

Like across the ocean.

Really?

I thought she meant so much to you.

Nothing.

Dame hooks you, you don't know better.

She digs in her claws,

and she don't let go.

Can you imagine, and I thought it was love.

Love?

She had me over a barrel.

Oh, you mean with the book?

She wasn't kidding?

All them years,

I'm good to her.

And all the time, she's writing everything down.

Forget her.

She was no good.

She ain't worth the time.

Oh, Max,

I hope you understand.

Understand what?

Mr. Rawlings.

Sometimes he doesn't phone, just sort of drops by.

Know what I mean?

Sure.

I understand.

Sometimes I ask myself why,

how such a girl goes for me.

A girl likes a man,

and you're a man, Max.

I'll see you tonight.

Mm-hmm.

I heard.

But why would he lie about the book?

'Cause he doesn't have the book.

Herbie does.

You mean that funny little guy?

This is Rawlings.

Tell the angel I want him.

WINCHELL: The following night, a body was dumped

in an alley in the Haymarket District.

A man, well-dressed, about 47.

He had been badly beaten before he was shot.

Max Zehner.

Not very pretty to look at, Mr. Ness.

He didn't die easy, that's for sure.

Somebody was asking him questions.

-Rawlings. -About the book.

Looks like Zehner didn't have the answers.

Maybe Herbie has.

Hey, that's terrible.

Terrible, Mr. Rawlings, just terrible.

Hey, Max was good to me.

He gave me chance.

I was gonna build myself up to somebody.

No reason you shouldn't continue, Herbie.

I'll be taking over the restaurant,

and I'm sure that we can work out some deal.

Deal?

For that book that Mae left.

Her last will and testament.

Last will and testament?

You have it, Herbie.

You've got to have it.

That's why Max kicked you up from busboy to captain.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Herbie, I took care of Max,

and I can take care of you, too, if I have to.

Apparently, you underestimate my intelligence.

Hey, honest, Mr. Rawlings.

And my persistence.

Wait a minute.

Hey, you got to believe me.

Hey, I'm not gonna try nothing funny.

Honest.

You got that book?

No.

-Where? -(punching)

Where?

(grunting)

Where?

No, I don't know.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Oh, stop it.

You have the book?

Yeah.

I want it.

I got to make a call.

Al right.

(phone clicking)

(sighs)

Um, Herbie Catcher here.

This the old owl?

Herbie?

You sound like...

Something wrong?

You know that, uh, brown envelope we gave you?

The one made out to Eliot Ness?

Well, here's what I want you to do with it.

If I don't check in by the morning, mail it.

I don't believe you met Miss Colton.

It's a pleasure, Miss Colton.

Believe me, a pleasure.

WINCHELL: Max Zehner was gone,

but Rawlings had a new partner.

Herbie Catcher had made the big time.

Partner's don't work, and Herbie didn't.

There were too many other things to do.

He did them all.

He did them with style.

He did them in first-class company.

Well, he puts this punk away in the second round,

and I pick up three easy C notes for my one.

Wow.

Not bad for a little guy, huh?

There you go again with that little guy.

Well, I ain't exactly a giant.

You can look down on most men I know.

Besides, Herbie, it's like I told you,

it's how a man thinks.

And you think big, honey, you do.

I got some big ideas about you, Bunny.

(door buzzes)

You expecting somebody?

No, honest.

(buzzing continues)

Yeah, who's there?

NESS: Come on, Herbie, open up.

Hi, Mr. Ness.

Come in.

There's a house phone in the lobby.

Bunny, I'd like you to meet Mr. Eliot Ness.

Yes, I know who he is.

Let me return the compliment.

Bernice, alias Bunny, Colton.

Born Bertha Kusolik in Akron, Ohio.

Three felony arrests by age 19,

served one year in state prison for women.

Arrived Chicago, October, 1928.

Took up with the Jenner brothers.

-The best. -With any hood that could pay the price.

Shut up.

You're chilly; you'd like to put on some clothes.

Oh?

Who says?

He says.

Go ahead.

Well, it's always nice to see you, Mr. Ness.

Don't you worry about your friends?

They might not like you talking to a federal agent.

Oh, they worry.

You're the best protection I got.

Not me, punk.

You don't hide behind me.

You forget something, Herbie.

You're in the middle.

Rawlings on one side, me on the other.

We'll slice you down like a stale salami.

That might be kind of tough.

You think a gun make you tough?

Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?

Picked it up for a C note; I got a permit, too.

Don't kid yourself, you're naked, Herbie.

You're wide open and asking for it.

What do you want, Ness?

I told you, I want Rawlings.

I want that book.

Keep talking about there's a book.

There's one and one makes two.

You came up too fast.

You got to be bleeding Rawlings some way.

And you've got to be writing me off for no brains.

All right?

You're calling it, little man.

No hard feelings, Ness.

As of right now, you're just another hood.

I'll get you any way I can.

I'll squeeze you till you're inside out.

No hard feeling, Herbie.

(door closes)

Bunny?

Well, I couldn't hear.

They made me get out of the room.

Bunny?

Be right there, sweetie.

Yes, yes, Mr. Rawlings.

Yes, I will, I'll try.

WINCHELL: As Ness had promised Herbie,

the squeeze was on.

First, he hit at Martin Rawlings...

...using information accumulated through months

of hard digging,

smashing at the rich north side empire that had taken

so long and so much to acquire.

At the same time, Ness pressured Herbie,

making their meeting seem prearranged,

keeping Herbie square in the middle.

Got a minute, Herbie?

Alone?

Sure.

Hey, enough is enough, Ness.

What do you want now?

Got a match?

Well, money ball, Cooker.

Ten bucks?

You got a bet.

(clears throat)

Aren't you even gonna take your coat off?

What for?

You don't sweat so much on pay ball.

(chuckles)

I want

ten bucks, Cooker.

Hey, did you see that shot?

That was pretty good, huh?

Let's get out of here, Herbie.

Ten bucks, come on.

When the game's over.

It's over now.

We'll play it out.

Rack them.

Herbie ain't asked for no rack.

I asked you.

He's my friend, Cooker.

Don't ever touch him again.

It's all right.

Sit here for a while.

Are you sure they're friends?

Well, Herbie said so himself.

He'd have killed the punk.

Couldn't much blame him.

The man was blind.

Does that mean something?

Plenty.

Herbie made a call from here one night.

He talked to someone he called the owl.

(phone rings)

Yeah?

Yes, Jack.

When?

Good. Stay on it.

Jack Roselin at the pool room.

He's got company; two of Rawlings' hoods.

(balls clattering)

Rack?

Yeah, he was a nice little guy, that Herbie.

Got to figure the odds.

You start messing around with the boys on top,

you're asking to be cut down to size.

Excuse me, gentlemen?

You wouldn't be talking about Herbie Catcher?

That's right.

I don't mean to be butting in,

but we're kind of friends.

Well, they found him in an alley

about an hour ago.

Hey, uh, is that on the level?

Uh, what you said about Herbie?

He a friend of yours?

More like a living.

Somebody knock him over?

Yeah.

Who?

What table you using?

Right here.

Use it.

♪♪

CATCHER: Hey, no wonder you're so good, Cooker.

You got a lot of time to practice.

You're gonna need it, though.

'Cause I came back to run out our game.

They told me you were dead.

You want to clown around

-or do you want to play a game of pool? -No clowning.

These guys, they-they said somebody knocked you off.

What guys?

Well, the guys that were playing at that table here.

I heard the say, uh...

Look, ask Josh.

-They told him, too. - Josh?

Where is Josh?

He's gone to his room, I guess.

Took it pretty hard.

Hey...

Josh?

Josh.

Josh?

Oh, Josh.

Josh...

No, Josh.

Josh?

Josh.

RAWLINGS: Ain't up there.

It's here.

You're the one.

You killed him, huh?

Both grabbing for this.

He must have fell on my knife.

I guess you're gonna grab for it, too, huh?

Wait, we could talk it over.

No talk.

Well, maybe we can work out some kind of deal?

No deal.

(exhales)

You want this, you ought to come and get it.

Maybe you want I should bring it to you?

(chuckle) Yeah.

Let me have it.

All of a sudden, you're the boss.

(gunshot)

NESS: I'll take it, Herbie.

There's nothing in it, not a single line.

There never was.

I told you.

You were running a bluff on a man like Rawlings?

Well, if...

He wouldn't have believed the truth,

and I'd have ended up like Max.

It's funny.

You know, you say something long enough,

you really start to believe it.

Then all of a sudden, you're left with...

nothing.

You got something, Herbie.

A murder rap.

WINCHELL: Largely through Herbie's testimony,

Martin Rawlings was executed for Max Zehner's murder.

Herbie himself was allowed to plead self-defense.

As for the book, it was never introduced as evidence.

For many years, it could be seen in Eliot Ness's home,

one of the most eloquent books in his library.