Original subtitles

KEEP OR TOSS? TOSS.

I AIN'T LISTENING TO YOU.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU TALKIN' 'BOUT.

OUT.

KEEP OR TOSS? TOSS AND BURN.

YOU TRIPPIN'. I AIN'T LISTENING TO YOU.

WHY ASK MY OPINION IF YOU'RE GONNA KEEP EVERYTHING ANYWAY?

I'M NOT KEEPING EVERYTHING. THERE'S STUFF IN THIS TOSS BOX.

TWO PAIR OF 20-YEAR-OLD PANTIE DRAWERS

THAT ARE THIS BIG.

BABY, YOU'RE THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD FOR THIS JOB.

YOU'RE ATTACHED TO ALL YOUR OLD CLOTHES.

YOU NEED TO STOP CLINGING TO THE PAST.

JUST LET GO.

OKAY. WAIT!

NOT MY JEANS.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO ALL THE STUFF

ABOUT CLINGING TO THE PAST?

I KNOW, BUT THESE ARE MY OOH WOW WOW JEANS.

♪ OOH, WOW, WOW ♪

♪ OOH, WOW, WOW, WOW ♪ JEANS!

♪ OOH, WOW, WOW ♪

♪ HE'S GOT SOME STYLE ♪

JEANS!

REMEMBER THAT? I DON'T REMEMBER THAT, I'M SORRY.

YOU REMEMBER HOW ALL YOUR FRIENDS...

ALL THEM GIRLS USED TO CALL ME "PEACHES."

I DON'T REMEMBER THAT.

THAT'S BECAUSE MY BUTT USED TO LOOK LIKE A PEACH IN THIS.

REMEMBER? LOOK.

THAT WAS ME. LOOK.

THAT WAS YOU? MM-HMM.

I'M-A SHOW YOU. I'M-A TRY 'EM ON.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I GOTTA GO IN THE BATHROOM AND PUT 'EM ON.

WHY YOU GOTTA GO IN THE BATHROOM?

BECAUSE IT'S THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.

WHEN YOU SEE IT, YOU GO... ♪ OOH, WOW, WOW ♪

[ THUDS ]

[ MICHAEL GRUNTING ]

MICHAEL, YOU HAVING TROUBLE IN THERE?

NO, I-I GOT IT. I GOT ONE LEG IN ALREADY.

[ THUDS CONTINUING ]

MICHAEL! IT'S BEEN 20 MINUTES.

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO PUT ON ONE PAIR OF JEANS?

LOOK, DID YOU GET THE BUTTER OR WHAT?

HAND ME THE BUTTER. I GOT THE BUTTER.

GIVE ME THE BUTTER. WHAT YOU NEED IT FOR?

STOP PLAYIN'. GIMME THE BUTTER

OR THE TALCUM POWDER GON' DRY UP.

OH, MY GOSH.

WILL YOU JUST HURRY UP?

OKAY, HERE I COME.

COURSE THEY FIT.

THIS HOW THE KIDS...

THE KIDS ARE WEARING 'EM LIKE THIS NOWADAYS.

YOU AIN'T BEEN WATCHING YOUR VIDEO CHANNEL.

SEE, THIS IS CALLED "SAGGIN'."

I CAN GET IN MY POCKET LIKE THAT.

GET MY KEYS, MY WALLET BACK THERE LIKE THAT.

ALL I NEED IS A SHIRT

THAT COMES DOWN TO HERE,

AND PEACHES IS BACK IN SEASON.

YEAH, PEACHES IS BACK IN SEASON,

BUT I SEE YOUR PLUMS.

BABE, YOU GAINED A LITTLE WEIGHT OVER THE YEARS,

IT'S OKAY.

YOUR PEACHES HAVE TURNED INTO PUMPKINS.

WOW, THIS SELECTION IS HUGE.

IT SURE IS.

NOW, LOOK, THERE'S THE SALESMAN.

THIS IS ALL ABOUT NEGOTIATIONS, JAY,

SO I NEED YOU TO BE QUIET, LET ME HANDLE IT

BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS LOOK AT WOMEN AS THE WEAK LINK,

THEN THEY TRY TO SELL EVERYTHING TO YOU. ALL RIGHT?

JUST LET ME DO THIS. WE STICK TO THE PLAN.

WATCH THE PROFESSIONAL. AHEM.

HEY, HOW YOU DOING? YOU NEED SOME HELP?

YES, SIR. HA HA HA.

I'D LIKE TO BUY THIS DVD PLAYER

FOR $100, AND $100 ONLY.

FOR $350, YOU CAN GET THIS ONE WITH ALL THE FUNCTIONS.

I'LL TAKE IT.

HERE, JUST PUT IT ON MY CREDIT CARD.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. HEY, NO TAX ON THAT.

WE DON'T DO THAT.

YOU SEE, IT'S ALL IN THE GAME, JAY.

WOW, YOU'RE GOOD.

YEAH, YOU SEE, I ALMOST GOT NO TAX...

BABY, IS THAT DARYL SCOTT?

NAH.

NO, THAT'S DARYL SCOTT FROM HIGH SCHOOL.

HE'S TOO BUFF TO BE DARYL.

NO, BABY, I THINK THAT'S DARYL SCOTT.

DARYL? JAY?

HEY! OH, MY GOD!

WHEE! HA HA HA!

ONE, TWO,

THREE.

OH, MY GOSH, YOU'RE SO STRONG.

DARYL, YOU KNOW, YOU ARE LOOKING SO GOOD.

YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

WELL, THANK YOU, AND YOU ARE LOOKING PRETTY GOOD YOURSELF.

WHOO!

[ COUGHING ]

I'M SORRY.

I'M DARYL SCOTT.

HOW YOU DOING? NICE TO MEET YOU.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MEET ME?

IT'S ME... MICHAEL KYLE. EXCUSE ME?

WE WERE ON THE SAME BASKETBALL TEAM TOGETHER, REMEMBER?

I WAS THE GUY THAT SET ALL THE PICKS.

YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE ME 'CAUSE I'M STANDING UP.

LOOK. SEE?

MICHAEL KYLE!

YEAH, MAN. OH, MAN, NO WAY.

YOU LOOK SO DIFFERENT.

WELL, YOU KNOW, I LOST MY HAIR.

NO, YOU THICKENED UP, MAN. THICKENED?

YOU TURNED INTO A FAT, FAT FATTY.

HA HA HA HA HA!

WELL, MAYBE I PUT ON A POUND OR TWO,

BUT YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE JUST BEEN

SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME IN THE GYM.

OH, MAN, I AIN'T WORKED OUT IN AN HOUR OR SO.

HEY, UM,

YOU KNOW, I OWN A GYM, THOUGH.

REALLY?

YEAH, YEAH, WE SPECIALIZE IN EURO TRAINING.

I'M HERE GETTING SOME NEW PLASMA TVs

FOR THE EUROBICS ROOM, YOU KNOW.

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY LOOK LIKE YOU ARE IN SHAPE.

EUROBICS IS WORKING.

MICHAEL, DOESN'T HE LOOK LIKE HE'S IN SHAPE?

HE LOOKS... YEAH, HE'S ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? LOOK AT HIS CHEST.

LOOK AT HIS CHEST.

OOH, HA HA!

ALMOST POKED MY EYE OUT.

UH, UH, UH, UH, UH.

LOOK, LOOK. UH, UH, UH, UH.

THAT AIN'T NOTHING BUT THE "THRILLER" VIDEO.

YEAH, IT'S A THRILLER, ALL RIGHT.

IT'S A THRILLER.

ARE THOSE GUNS FULLY LOADED?

BAM!

MICHAEL, FEEL HIS GUNS.

LOOK AT IT, IT'S LIKE, OH, MY GOSH.

YOU NEED TWO HANDS

WITH THOSE LITTLE PUNY FINGERS.

OW, THE GRIP. THE GRIP.

I'M KIDDING. THERE'S NO GRIP, REALLY.

HEY, LOOK, LOOK,

IT WAS SO GOOD TO... I GOTTA BE GETTING OUT OF HERE,

BUT IT WAS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.

WAIT, ONE MORE SECOND.

MICHAEL, TOUCH HIS CHEST.

I DON'T WANNA TOUCH HIS CHEST.

I MEAN, THIS IS A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME CHANCE.

YEAH, YOU KNOW YOU LIKE THAT.

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK,

HEY, UM, NOW,

YOU KNOW, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

BUT, UM, HERE'S MY CARD. GIVE ME A CALL SOMETIME.

I'LL HELP YOU GET RID OF YOUR FRIEND HERE.

I WASN'T FLEXING. NOW DO IT.

OH, THAT'S LIKE "ALIEN" OR SOMETHING.

HEY,

BYE-BYE. TAKE IT EASY.

ALL RIGHT.

HE IS CRAZY, BOY. THAT DARYL IS SOMETHING ELSE.

WHOO. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? WHAT WAS WHAT?

YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH HIM. FLIRTING, MICHAEL?

[ IMITATES HER LAUGH ]

I DON'T LAUGH LIKE THAT. YES, YOU DO.

WHEN YOU'RE FLIRTING, AND NOT ONLY

DID YOU FLIRT WITH HIM,

BUT YOU MADE ME FLIRT WITH HIM.

WHAT? DON'T EVER PUT MY HAND

ON ANOTHER MAN'S MUSCLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN LOOK JUST LIKE THAT,

BUT I GOT A FAMILY I TAKE CARE OF.

AND A BABY ON THE WAY.

PSYCH.

WHAT SMELLS SO GOOD IN HERE?

DAD, YOU'RE GOING TO BE REALLY HAPPY. HERE YOU GO, SWEETIE.

OH, NO, NO, NO. NO, THANK YOU.

I'M EATING OUT TONIGHT. OUT?

THAT'S RIGHT. OUTTA THIS BAG RIGHT HERE.

WHAT IS THAT?

I'M ON AN 800-CALORIE-A-DAY DIET, JAY...

NO FAT, NO CARBS, NO SUGAR.

MICHAEL, IS THIS ABOUT THE TIGHT JEANS SITUATION

OR THE DARYL SCOTT SITUATION?

IT'S ABOUT BOTH.

I AM DETERMINED TO LOSE 15 POUNDS

BY THE END OF THE MONTH.

SO YOU GUYS SIT HERE AND EAT THIS DEAD ANIMAL CARCASS.

YEP, RIGHT THERE...

THAT'S THE STUFF THAT CLOGS UP YOUR ARTERIES.

ALL THESE SODIUM-BASED GRAVIES

THAT RAISE YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE UP.

YEP, RIGHT THERE.

I JUST FELT IT ELEVATE RIGHT THERE.

AND ALL THEM SWEET SAUCES

THAT YOU PUT IN THESE TATERS...

THESE SUGARY SAUCES... THEY GET YOUR BLOOD SUGAR LEVEL

OVER 600.

NOT ME, I'M NOT GONNA EAT THAT.

I'LL BE SITTING HERE EATING MY CELERY STICKS,

FOLLOWED BY SOME SEAWEED TOFU CROQUETTES.

EW. IT'S ACTUALLY VERY GOOD.

JUST LIKE THAT, I JUST USE THIS FOR SOME FLAVOR.

MICHAEL, YOU LOOK GREAT FOR A MAN YOUR AGE.

MY AGE? YEAH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

YOU LOOK GREAT FOR A MAN YOUR AGE, MICHAEL.

YOU'RE JUST ACTING SILLY RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE JUST ACTING PLAIN OLD SILLY.

THAT'S ME...

THE SILLY, SILLY, FAT, FAT FATTY.

AND THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WANNA KEEP ME THAT WAY, JAY.

BECAUSE OF THIS STUFF HERE

THAT YOU BE MAKING.

THIS HERE GOT ME OVERWEIGHT

AND UNATTRACTIVE TO OTHER WOMEN.

'CAUSE THAT'S THE PLOT. OH, COME ON.

YOU KNOW WHAT? AS LONG AS I GOT THESE CELERY STICKS...

PUT THAT RIGHT THERE,

GIVE IT SOME FLAVOR.

I JOINED DARYL'S GYM,

AND HE TOLD ME IN THREE WEEKS' TIME,

I'M GONNA HAVE A CHEST JUST LIKE HIS.

HERE WE GO.

ANOTHER MANIC-COMPULSIVE QUEST BY MICHAEL RICHARD KYLE.

YEAH, YOU WON'T BE SAYING THAT WHEN I GOT THE PERCOLATING PECS.

WATCH THIS. WATCH WHAT?

THE PECS. WATCH THE PECS PERCOLATE.

YOU SEE THAT? IT MOVED.

TOUCH IT. TOUCH IT.

THAT'S ASTHMA.

YOU KNOW YOU GOT ASTHMA.

I'M NOT EATING WITH YOU GUYS.

OH, MICHAEL, COME ON.

I'M NOT TRYING TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, BABE.

A LITTLE BUTTER FOR MY, UH, CELERY...

FOR YOUR JEANS?

I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

THAT'S IT! HERE WE GO!

ONE MORE, ONE MORE. LAST ONE.

YEAH, THERE WE GO.

YEAH, GET UP HERE.

OH, MAN.

THANKS FOR THE WORKOUT.

HEY, YO, YO, YO, YO.

THAT WASN'T THE WORKOUT.

THAT WAS THE PRE-WARM-UP TO GET YOU READY

FOR THE WARM-UP TO GET YOU READY

FOR THE PRE-WORKOUT FOLLOWED BY THE WORKOUT

WHICH PRECEDES THE POST-WORKOUT.

THEN WE'RE GOING INTO A LITTLE 60-MINUTE WARM-DOWN.

60-MINUTE WARM-DOWN? WHAT DOES THAT CONSIST OF?

MOSTLY RUNNING UPHILL, BUT YOU GET TO WALK BACK DOWN...

OH, GOOD. BACKWARDS...

ON YOUR HANDS WITH ANKLE WEIGHTS.

WE'RE DOING ALL THAT TODAY?

DO YOU WANT THESE...

THE PERCOLATING PECTORALS, HUH?

DON'T YOU WANT 'EM? YES, THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

IF YOU WANT 'EM, TOUCH 'EM.

I DON'T WANNA. TOUCH 'EM.

THERE'RE PEOPLE AROUND. TOUCH 'EM!

I WAS CHECKING HIS HEART RATE

'CAUSE WE JUST DID THE, UM...

OKAY, LET'S GET TO WORK.

COME ON OVER HERE.

WE'RE GONNA KICK THINGS OFF WITH SOME BICEP CURLS.

BICEP CURLS. GOT 'EM.

NOW, I USUALLY DO MY PRE-WARM-UP WITH 50s,

BUT WE GON' START YOU OFF WITH SOME 10s

'CAUSE YOU AIN'T ME.

HEY, HEY, HOLD UP. DON'T PATRONIZE ME.

IF YOU DO 50, I'M DOING 50.

YOU KNOW WHAT? MAKE IT 60.

YOU WANT 60s? THAT'S RIGHT.

OKAY, YOU GOT IT.

I DON'T WANT 60s, I NEED 60s.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, UH,

WE GON' GET 15 REPS OF THESE, ALL RIGHT?

MY CHEST GON' LOOK LIKE YOURS?

IN-DEED.

LET ME DEMONSTRATE.

NOW, YOU MIGHT WANNA STEP BACK.

FURTHER.

YEAH? YEAH.

NO, NO, A LITTLE FURTHER.

THERE YOU GO. ALL RIGHT.

[ GRUNTING LOUDLY ]

EURO! TRAINING!

EURO! TRAINING!

THAT'S ONE.

THAT'S ONE?

OKAY, IT'S HEAVY.

IT'S HEAVY, NOW. HOLD ON.

HEY, I'M LETTIN' THESE BABIES GO.

HELP ME UP. HELP ME UP.

THERE YOU GO.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME GET THIS. THAT WAS A HALF.

YEAH, NOW YOU GOT 14 1/2 LEFT TO GO.

YOU AIN'T SAID NOTHING. 1, 2, 3.

THRUST! COME ON, GIVE IT UP NOW.

1, 2, 3!

WE NEED SOME EFFORT, COME ON.

OKAY,

HERE IT GOES.

COME ON.

COME ON, JUST LIKE I DID IT, MAN.

SHAKE IT. GET LOOSE WITH IT.

COME ON.

MAKING LOVE TO THE WEIGHT NOW.

COME ON.

YEAH, ALL DAY LONG, THERE WE GO.

[ GRUNTING ]

LET ME DO SOME EURO TRAINING.

Both: EURO!

WE'RE MOVING ON.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GONNA START THIS OFF

NICE AND EASY. ONE.

THERE WE GO. TWO.

OH, YEAH, FEEL THE BURN. THREE.

NOW, EURO TRAINING.

[ GRUNTING ]

EURO! TRAINING!

EURO! TRAINING!

[ GRUNTING ]

YOUR TURN.

OKAY, THIS IS A PRETTY GOOD PACE,

BUT WE'RE GONNA KICK THINGS UP A NOTCH, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, YOU MIGHT WANNA STEP BACK.

STEP BACK? OKAY.

[ GRUNTING ]

EURO! TRAINING! EURO! TRAINING!

[ GRUNTING ]

YOUR TURN.

IS MY CHEST GON' LOOK LIKE YOURS?

IN-DEED.

TOUCH IT.

I WAS... I WAS JUST MAKING SURE

HIS CHAKRA DIDN'T FALL FROM...

OKAY...

I'LL JUST DO THIS HERE.

RIGHT HERE, LIKE THAT.

AND THEN I'M JUST GON' STRETCH A LITTLE BIT.

GOTTA GET MY THING LOOSENED UP.

JUST A LITTLE BACK... FOR THE BACK HERE.

AAH!

OH!

THAT'S A GOOD STRETCH. YEAH, YEAH.

EURO HAMS.

OKAY. EURO HAMS.

LET ME GET THAT FOR YOU.

OKAY, THIS IS COOL. I GOT THIS.

ALL RIGHT, THERE YOU GO.

AAH! EURO!

COME ON. COME ON!

COME ON!

COME ON.

THIS AIN'T BAD.

I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.

WHOA.

OKAY, LET'S TAKE THIS UP A NOTCH.

[ GRUNTS ]

[ MICHAEL WHIMPERING ]

MICHAEL, WHAT HAPPENED?! DID YOU HURT YOURSELF?

NO, NO, IT'S JUST A LITTLE LACTIC ACID BUILDUP.

HE'S HAVING A HARD TIME MOVING RIGHT NOW.

HE'LL BE FINE IN THE MORNING.

IS MY CHEST GONNA LOOK LIKE YOURS?

IN-DEED.

HEY, UM,

CAN I USE YOUR FACILITIES, PLEASE?

YEAH, IT'S THAT WAY. IT'S THAT WAY.

I'M GONNA HAVE THAT WALK, TOO.

DAD, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HURT ALL OVER.

I DO, SON.

OH, DOES THAT HURT? DOES THAT HURT?

DOES THAT HURT? DOES THAT HURT?

LISTEN, DOES THAT HURT? DOES THAT HURT?

MICHAEL,

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF?

WELL, TODAY, HE HAD ME WORK CHEST, ABS, LEGS, CHEST.

AND THEN I WORKED THE UPPER CLEAVAGE,

LOWER CLEAVAGE, AND THE NECK AREA.

MICHAEL, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

YOU CAN'T STICK TO THIS SILLY WORKOUT

TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH DARYL. YOU'RE GONNA KILL YOURSELF.

YEAH, BUT WHEN THEY PUT ME IN THE COFFIN,

AND THEY CROSS MY ARMS,

IT'S GONNA BE ON A CHEST LIKE THAT, JAY.

GO AHEAD, TOUCH IT. TOUCH IT.

AAH! SORRY!

I SAID TOUCH IT, NOT SMACK IT.

SORRY! MICHAEL, THIS CAN'T CONTINUE.

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO NEGATIVE COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, HUH?

"CAN'T, CAN'T, CAN'T, CAN'T, CAN'T."

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

"CAN'T" IS NOT A WORD IN MY VOCABULARY.

GOODBYE.

I CAN'T MOVE.

LET'S GET YOU UPSTAIRS.

YOU'RE GONNA NEED YOUR REST

'CAUSE TOMORROW WE GONNA GO HARD.

[ WHIMPERING ]

EASY.

YOU GOTTA DO SOMETHING, MOM. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

MY FAULT? HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?

WEREN'T YOU FLIRTING WITH MUSCLE BOY?

YEAH, WEREN'T YOU TEASING DAD ABOUT HIS OOH, WOW, WOW JEANS?

I SUPPOSE... WELL, YOU STARTED IT,

SO YOU NEED TO FIX IT BEFORE DAD KILLS HIMSELF.

IN-DEED.

OOH, BABY, YOU LOOK SO GOOD.

YOU THINK?

YES, YOU LOOKIN' ALL TIGHT AND RIPPED AND STUFF.

LOOK AT YOU.

ARE THOSE WASHBOARD ABS? IS THAT A 6-PACK I SEE?

OH, BABY.

IT'S A 6-PACK MINUS 5.

NUH-UNH, MICHAEL,

YOU'RE BEING MODEST.

NO, I ONLY LOST 3 1/2 POUNDS. THAT'S IT?

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH?

DARYL SAID THAT MUSCLE WEIGHS MORE THAN FAT

SO I PROBABLY LOST A LOT OF FAT,

AND PUT ON A LOT OF MUSCLE.

RIGHT, RIGHT, 'CAUSE, SEE, YOU LOST,

WHAT, 3 POUNDS? 3 1/2.

AND THAT'S EQUIVALENT TO, WHAT, 20?

REALLY?

NO, 30,

'CAUSE YOU ADD THAT WITH THE DOG YEARS,

THAT'S 10 TIMES...

WOW.

YEAH, SO, LIKE, 30 POUNDS, AND BABY...

BRING IT BACK UP. LOOK AT YOUR CHEST.

YOUR CHEST IS SO...

OOH, BOY,

LOOK AT THAT. THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO START CALLING YOU "CHESTER."

IN-DEED. AAH!

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TRY THESE JEANS ON RIGHT NOW.

NO. YES.

NO. BABY, YES.

NO, THE WAY YOU ARE... BRING IT BACK UP.

THE WAY YOU ARE LOOKING.

IT'S TOO SOON.

NO, IT'S NOT. NOT WHAT I SEE.

GO BACK IN THERE.

GO ON, NOW, PEACHES,

'CAUSE THOSE PEACHES ARE RIPE, BABY.

COULDN'T GET THE CHEST IN THERE.

OH, YEAH, I KNOW, THE PEACHES ARE RIPE.

GO ON IN THERE.

COME ON, SWEETIE.

OOH, LOOK AT THIS. I'M PAST THIGH LAND.

OW! I JUST ZIPPED THE PLUMS.

CAREFUL, NOW.

WELL, LOOKY THERE. PEACHES IS BACK.

AAH! LOOK AT YOU!

♪ OOH, WOW, WOW LOOK AT ME NOW ♪

JEANS.

♪ OOH, WOW, WOW WATCH THE BOOTY GO POW ♪

WHOO! LOVE IT!

POW! JEANS.

BABY, YOU LOOK AMAZING

IN THOSE JEANS. I TOLD YOU.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU,

AND I JUST WANNA APOLOGIZE TO YOU, MICHAEL.

IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS WHEN I TEASED YOU

ABOUT THE JEANS NOT FITTING, I'M REALLY SORRY.

IT'S OKAY, BABY.

I JUST ALWAYS WANNA LOOK GOOD AND SEXY FOR YOU.

AND YOU DO, CHESTER.

IN-DEED.

HA HA HA HA. COME ON.

HEY, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,

WAS IT HARD TO FIND A PAIR OF VINTAGE OOH, WOW, WOW JEANS

IN A LARGER SIZE?

YOU'RE ONTO ME?

SOON AS I TAKE THESE JEANS OFF, I'M GON' BE ON YOU.

SO YOU'RE NOT MAD AT ME?

NO, I'M JUST HAPPY THAT I HAVE A WIFE

WHO ACCEPTS ME FOR WHO I AM.

OH, AND I DO.

AND, MICHAEL, I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

REALLY? YES.

I WAS A SIZE 4 WHEN YOU MARRIED ME,

AND NOW I'M A SIZE 6.

OH.

THAT'S SO OPEN AND HONEST.

I HAVE A CONFESSION, TOO.

YOU DO? MM-HMM.

WHAT? YOU'RE A SIZE 8.

STOP LOOKING AT MY TAGS.

NOW, TOUCH IT.

MM.

IN-DEED.

THIS AIN'T BAD.

I COULD DO THIS ALL DAY.

[ GRUNTS ]

WHOA!

LET'S TAKE IT UP A NOTCH.

COME ON, COME ON.

COME ON!

COME ON.

COME ON!

NO MORE FATTY FATTY.