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1
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:07,007
♪
2
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,911
(shrieks)
3
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,086
(school bell rings)
4
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,155
(belches)
5
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,190
(tires screech)
6
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,360
D'oh!
7
00:00:26,394 --> 00:00:28,062
(grunts)
8
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:30,231
(applause)
9
00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,166
(stammers): You sit on me.
10
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,867
There's a remote in my crack.
11
00:00:33,901 --> 00:00:35,336
Uh, Problems I Have!
12
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,171
I could use a slip cover.
13
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:39,173
Um, uh,
Things Your Sister Would Say!
14
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:41,008
No. Uh...
(gasps)
15
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:43,344
You haven't replaced me
since 1989.
16
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,246
Things a Couch Would Say!
17
00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:48,015
-Yes!
-(bell dinging)
18
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,050
♪
19
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:57,758
Hopefully, we won't be out
too late, Shauna.
20
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,193
(Valley girl accent):
Whatever.
21
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:00,228
And just for the night,
22
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:02,029
could you lose the tongue ring?
23
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,397
Whatever.
24
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:06,267
Homer, is it too late
to change babysitters?
25
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,401
Yes.
26
00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,036
So I'll have to stay home.
27
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,739
I don't think we have to--
Homer.
28
00:01:11,772 --> 00:01:13,241
Yes, Marge?!
29
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:16,944
We both have to go
to Drug Awareness Night!
30
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,547
(sighs)
I guess we have no choice.
31
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,082
Here's the number
for the poison control center,
32
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:24,118
the allergy hotline,
33
00:01:24,152 --> 00:01:26,053
and, if the kids misbehave,
34
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,888
Papa John's Pizza.
35
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,123
Don't worry, Mrs. Simpson.
36
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:31,091
We'll take great care
of your kids.
37
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,059
"We"?
38
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,627
Uh, me and God.
39
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:34,928
Okay, then.
40
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,964
We'll see you soon.
41
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:42,069
(moaning)
42
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:46,073
Want to watch videos
of pythons swallowing stuff?
43
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,243
Uh, can't we watch something
with kittens?
44
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,078
Oh, there's kittens in there.
45
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,513
(kitten meows)
46
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:57,251
This is pointless.
47
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,820
We learned all the new
dangerous drugs last year:
48
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:02,590
sprack, zup, borzo,
and crystal bam.
49
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,125
I hear
they're mixing bam with zup.
50
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,327
Interesting.
51
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,929
Bam and zup.
(chuckles)
52
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,098
This seminar's already paying
for itself.
53
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,667
Homer Simpson,
are you watching football
54
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,469
through your pants pocket?
55
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:19,440
But do you know how much love
is lost between these teams?
56
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,608
None!
57
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,110
Turn it off!
58
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,346
This bag of concentrated death
59
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,649
is what the kids today
call "blizzard."
60
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,117
Allow me to demonstrate.
61
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,286
On Skin-ner!
62
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,955
Superintendent,
I-I must protest.
63
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,124
I'm an educational professional
who...
64
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,460
-(grunting)
-That's a good boy.
65
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:40,628
Take your medicine.
66
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,662
(inhales, sighs)
67
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,964
Oh, let's get out of here.
68
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,000
I guess we can watch
the PowerPoint presentation
69
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,168
in bed tonight.
70
00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:50,371
Oh, that sounds magical.
71
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:52,740
(quietly):
Just don't be conspicuous.
72
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,509
(phone ringing)
73
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:56,644
Ooh, it's Lenny.
74
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,646
Homer, I found my birth mom!
75
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:01,315
Her name is Cheryl, and
she wants nothing to do with...
76
00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:02,683
(Marge groans)
77
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,320
(gasps)
A wedding expo!
78
00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,856
Marge, there is no way
I'd ever be interested in--
79
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,324
Is there a girl in that cake?
80
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,159
No, just cake.
81
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,528
Oh... that is so sexy.
82
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:15,996
After you, Marge.
83
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,532
Ooh, a wedding expo!
84
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:21,735
It's like going
to a thousand weddings at once.
85
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:25,739
Sneaking in will be the most
romantic thing we've ever done.
86
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,241
More than our real wedding?
87
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,343
A thousand times more.
88
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:32,346
I was pregnant,
and you had a fever of 103.
89
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:35,082
103.4.
90
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:37,785
Aw, you remembered.
91
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:47,060
("Allegro Non Molto" from
Vivaldi's Four Seasons playing)
92
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:52,533
(sniffles)
It's so beautiful.
93
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,901
(sniffles)
Oh.
94
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:57,070
Even the prenups are gorgeous.
95
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,208
(techno music playing)
96
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,210
Your bride will look radiant
97
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,245
next to these hideous
bridesmaids dresses
98
00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:07,715
made in colors
known to scare seagulls.
99
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,083
Oh, so beautiful!
100
00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:11,452
Come back here, you.
101
00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:14,054
You've got 12 more drugs
to test.
102
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,658
I both see and am God.
103
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,461
(suspenseful music playing)
104
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:23,397
Who will protect me
when you die?
105
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,899
Nothing's gonna happen to...
106
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:26,734
(grunts)
107
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,402
Does this house have a mixer?
108
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,103
We could make face cookies.
109
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:31,739
(chuckles)
110
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,742
Aw! You're gonna make
such a good dad.
111
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,411
(moaning)
112
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,413
(groans)
I feel like a walk.
113
00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:40,981
You want to take a walk?
114
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:44,418
I feel glued to my seat
for reasons I don't understand.
115
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:45,786
It's all over, sweetheart.
116
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,421
The curse is broken.
117
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,923
Grandma will take care of you
from now o...
118
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,925
-(groans)
-(buzzing)
119
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:52,960
Ah!
120
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,463
Come on!
121
00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,265
(Shauna giggling)
122
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,000
JIMBO:
Let's see if we can both fit
123
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,802
in Homer's underwear.
124
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,604
This is very sobering.
125
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,340
Why did we think
this would be cool?
126
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,141
What are you kids
doing out so late?
127
00:05:08,175 --> 00:05:10,110
Babysitter party at our house.
128
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,279
Why don't you come inside
for a mug of cocoa?
129
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:13,947
-(ding)
-Coco-nut, that is,
130
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,484
to fill your belly
with much-needed potassium.
131
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,485
(chuckles):
Grins, people.
132
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:18,486
Thanks.
133
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,187
Potassi-yum.
134
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,455
This was a great idea.
135
00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:23,524
It's like all the fun
of a wedding
136
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,459
without the boredom
of a wedding!
137
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,495
And who are you two?
138
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,329
Um, why, we're...
139
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,798
wedding planners!
140
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:33,634
Yes, and we're wondering
about your products.
141
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,836
(giggles)
For our clients.
142
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:39,540
Well, the Toast Master
is an AI-powered microphone
143
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:42,042
that guarantees
your best man's toast
144
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:44,478
will be heartwarming
and tasteful,
145
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:47,981
no matter how drunk
or passive-aggressive he is.
146
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,650
Ooh. Give it a try, Homie.
147
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,351
Oh, I couldn't.
148
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:53,854
Pretend one of my sisters
is getting married.
149
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,856
That hairy-legged ashtray?
150
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,391
Give me the mic.
151
00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,359
When I heard
a guy was marrying Selma,
152
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:01,495
-I thought, That poor...
-MALE VOICE: Genius.
153
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:03,497
-...must be...
-Fully sighted.
154
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:04,865
-...and...
-Not marrying her
155
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:05,999
to harvest her organs.
156
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,367
(laughs)
157
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,669
Thank God. The Heffernans.
158
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,370
Oh, right. That's me.
159
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:12,072
D.R. Heffernan.
160
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,674
-(quietly): That's "Doctor."
-Right.
161
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,375
Dr. D.R. Heffernan.
162
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,177
The keynote speech
is in two minutes.
163
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,514
-What's a keynote speech?
-(chuckles)
164
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:23,751
Imagine Dr. Heffernan asking me
what a keynote speech is.
165
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:24,885
This way.
166
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,687
Finally, things are looking up
167
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,022
for the person
I'm pretending to be.
168
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,524
(laughter)
169
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:33,093
And the number one
new wedding trend is...
170
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,095
True love!
171
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:38,198
AUDIENCE:
True love! True love!
172
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,034
Buy our book if we have one.
173
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,904
I'm starting to think
that's not Dr. Heffernan.
174
00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:48,041
(moaning)
175
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,543
(chuckles)
What a...
176
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:52,546
(moans)
...perfect night.
177
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,548
You wait here while I go...
178
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:58,218
(seductively):
pay the babysitter.
179
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,453
-(laughter)
-(loud music playing)
180
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:00,788
I'm not paying you!
181
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,623
Get out of my house!
182
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,094
-Later.
-And now, my lady,
to the boudoir,
183
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:10,297
which I believe
is somewhere near the bedroom.
184
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,298
(chuckles):
Ooh!
185
00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:13,066
Ooh!
186
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,569
(grunts)
Have I picked you up yet?
187
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:17,304
I can't te-- Oh!
188
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,472
(strained):
You're so light!
189
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,107
(grunting)
190
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,309
-Ow!
-(inhales deeply)
191
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:23,477
(strained):
Perfect end to...
192
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,445
perfect night!
193
00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:27,748
Voulez-vous coucher avec...
194
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,750
-(cracking, popping)
-(screams)
195
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:31,251
(grunting)
196
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,787
-What the?! (shouting)
-Ow!
197
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:36,323
(both groaning)
198
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,826
I guess
we should stop listening now.
199
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,127
No one's making you stay.
200
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,501
Marge, I'm afraid your days
of walking are over.
201
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:48,769
Oh, my God!
202
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,504
For about 36 hours.
203
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:53,273
By then, this mild ankle sprain
should be good as new.
204
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,842
It's my fault.
205
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:58,278
Homie wouldn't have dropped me
if I hadn't put on a few pounds.
206
00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:01,348
Nonsense. It's not your fault
you're married to a...
207
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,283
this.
208
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,952
(moans)
209
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,621
And it was such
a good date night.
210
00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:09,456
Well, now it's a hernia morning.
211
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,959
See, you've got a tear
in your abdominal wall
212
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,628
and a section of your intestine
has pushed through.
213
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,463
Aren't you going to chuckle?
214
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,465
An inguinal hernia
is no laughing matter.
215
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:19,700
(chuckles)
216
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,001
"Inguinal."
217
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,803
Will I need surgery?
218
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,337
Possibly. But don't be alarmed.
219
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:26,640
It's just some scalpel work
around your scrotum.
220
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:28,475
(groans)
221
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,844
-(engine revs, tires screech)
-A little more.
222
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,546
-(engine revs, tires screech)
-Little more.
223
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,715
-(engine revs, tires screech)
-Little more...
224
00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:36,650
No, those are the wipers!
225
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:38,986
Oh, you just called OnStar.
226
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,988
Now, look, you two,
you're not kids anymore.
227
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,990
Listen to your body.
It'll tell you what to do.
228
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,325
(engine revs, tires screech)
229
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:46,493
WOMAN:
OnStar operator.
230
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,728
What is your emergency?
231
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,163
Every comedian
I thought is funny
232
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,699
is dead.
233
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:55,502
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show! ♪
234
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,504
Hmm. "Possible side effects
235
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,840
may include hallucinations..."
236
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,009
(angrily):
...mm, "irritability,
237
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:06,379
inability to fo... cus."
238
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,515
Blah, blah, blah.
239
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,383
"Do not mix with alcohol"?
240
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,185
Fine, I'll drink it separately.
241
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,787
Boy, get me a beer.
242
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,691
-(Bart humming)
-(grunting)
243
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,526
-Huh? What are you doing?
-(chuckles)
244
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,560
Helping you get better.
245
00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:21,929
I was watching Animal Planet,
246
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,697
and they said,
if it can't reach its own food,
247
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,265
the hippo dies.
248
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,533
Why, you little...!
249
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,201
(chuckles)
250
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,704
Bart, honey,
your father and I need you
251
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,706
to be a little more grown-up.
252
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:33,741
Can you do that?
253
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,208
I bet you can.
254
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,944
You got it, Mom.
255
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,615
(humming)
256
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:44,785
Honey, I signed us up for
physical therapy this afternoon.
257
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,553
They sound terrific.
258
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,055
Even booking the appointment,
259
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,057
they told me, "Great job."
260
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,424
Absolutely.
261
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:52,592
I want to get better.
262
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:53,894
I really do.
263
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:54,962
I know you do.
264
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,563
We'll start tomorrow.
265
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,632
Mwah.
266
00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,567
MALE VOICE:
I would caution
against physical therapy.
267
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,637
Guys like us
don't look good in shorts.
268
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,776
Oh, why is it never hair growth?
269
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,578
It's me, your hernia.
270
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,581
Homer, your doctor told you
to listen to your body.
271
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,816
And I am telling you,
272
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,251
just take it easy.
273
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:19,252
Are you sure?
274
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,121
I just promised Marge.
275
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,590
Take it from your hernia.
276
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,125
(giggles)
277
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,127
(Marge grunting)
278
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,129
(New Zealand accent):
Oh, you've got this, Marge!
279
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:30,798
Now, focus on your co-ah.
280
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,600
I guess I've been
neglecting my key-aah.
281
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,135
Is it this?
282
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,604
No. All I can say is,
if you have a muscle
283
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,941
and you know what it does,
then that is not the co-ah.
284
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,609
Oh, the core.
285
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,277
Right, that's
what I said-- co-ah.
286
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:47,180
Now, what sports are we
gettin' you ready for, Marge?
287
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:49,282
Rollerblading? Uh, Muay Thai?
288
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,618
No, nothing like that.
289
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,620
I only have to be
in good enough shape
290
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:57,290
to take care
of an immobile 240-pound man.
291
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:58,992
Ah, so Homer isn't coming, eh?
292
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:01,161
You know,
I could go to him at work.
293
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:03,663
Oh, he's got
enough stress at work.
294
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,868
All right, well,
we'll get you into something.
295
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,870
Uh, mountain biking?
Free bouldering?
296
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:14,674
I got it. Marge, we are going
to get you kitesurfing!
297
00:11:14,708 --> 00:11:15,876
Kitesurfing?
298
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:17,911
I could do that with Homie.
299
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:23,917
(alarm blares)
300
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,553
You know what?
301
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:29,322
I'm not letting Homer
drag me down this time.
302
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:32,192
Yes, I want to learn
kitesurfing.
303
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,727
♪ Let's go kitesurfing now ♪
304
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,195
♪ Middle-aged ladies
learning how ♪
305
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,697
♪ Come on Kitesurf-ari
with me... ♪
306
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:38,999
Kitesurfing's a simple sport.
307
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,334
All you need is
the wind and the waves.
308
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:45,038
And a spreader-bar, bindings,
impact vest, chicken loop,
309
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:47,340
donkey stick, squirrel clip,
and, of course, parking pass.
310
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:51,511
Yeah, ruining
people's day at the beach.
311
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,514
We are worse than sand
in a hot dog, eh, Lou?
312
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,083
You know there's
a double murder downtown?
313
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:59,086
Well, now it's a triple,
'cause you just killed my day.
314
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,553
Keep the kite swooping, Marge.
315
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:02,589
Follow the timing of my pecs.
316
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,591
Left, right, left, right,
317
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:05,859
left, left, right...
318
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:07,895
Ah. Don't look me
in the eyes, Marge.
319
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,529
My pecs are down here.
320
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,864
There you are.
321
00:12:10,898 --> 00:12:13,066
Left, right,
left, left, right...
322
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,703
So, Mom is kitesurfing
323
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,106
while Dad is eating
three desserts.
324
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:22,375
Oh, your grandma and I
had our differences,
325
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:26,713
but we stopped arguing when she
disappeared for three decades.
326
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:27,915
Oh.
327
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,117
Oh, it's so nice
328
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,119
to get an evening out
just with you.
329
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:33,753
Can I get you a baby chair?
330
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:35,055
No? You're good?
331
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,556
Homer's-a talking to nobody.
332
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,758
The Cat Lady
is eating with cats.
333
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,894
Ralph is in-a the lobster tank?
334
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:42,896
I'm expensive.
335
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,731
Homer, you're doing great.
336
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,434
Look at those guys--
eating half portions,
337
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,469
trying to stay fit.
338
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,239
They're just setting
themselves up to meet my buddies
339
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,642
Torn ACL and Pinched Nerve.
340
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,144
Now, you, you're smart.
341
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,579
The most strenuous thing
you're gonna do
342
00:12:59,612 --> 00:13:02,582
is fart
"The Star Spangled Banner."
343
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,784
Mm, that's got
a difficult range.
344
00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,653
Is there an easier anthem?
345
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:10,824
Hey, the riskiest thing
we're gonna do is have lasagna.
346
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,759
We just had lasagna.
347
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:13,994
Have it again!
348
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:15,628
Nobody's gonna stop you.
349
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,364
I love you.
350
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,134
Who are you?
351
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:23,803
Cirrhosis. What's it to ya?
352
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,776
Homer, I'm going to the beach.
353
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:32,279
I packed lunch for two
if you want to come.
354
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,680
Oh, the beach.
355
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:35,782
Sure. Let's get sunstroke,
356
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,851
a hyperextended tendon,
357
00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:41,621
and wrap it up by getting
decapitated by a Frisbee.
358
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,456
Hard pass.
359
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,625
Sorry, Marge. Hard pass.
360
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:49,029
(sighs) It's been so long
since you made a move on me.
361
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,797
Or any move.
362
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,166
Um, how about
if I drone you a kiss?
363
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,501
(kiss)
364
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,039
(horn honks)
365
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,673
Hurry up, Marge.
366
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,642
We're gonna catch big air
all morning,
367
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:05,645
sleep all afternoon,
then boil a sheep for breakfast.
368
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,680
I'm still on New Zealand time.
369
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:10,150
Been here 12 years
but can't shake it.
370
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,852
Please, Homer,
you're my husband.
371
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:15,055
Get up and live.
372
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,690
Sorry, Marge.
I got to go with my gut.
373
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,559
-(yawns)
-(blows raspberry)
374
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:25,398
If you don't come after me,
there's a big problem.
375
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,701
The drone doesn't count.
376
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,876
Hey. Can you watch the kids
this afternoon?
377
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,545
Sorry, Marge.
378
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,013
Hernia.
379
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:41,881
We make quite a team.
380
00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:43,583
Who are you talking to?
381
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,852
Hey, I do not have voices
in my head.
382
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,520
(quietly):
They're in my crotch.
383
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,089
-(giggles)
-Ooh!
384
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:52,225
Just call my sisters
to watch the kids.
385
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,362
(snoring)
386
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,896
Let's drop him in the woods
387
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,898
and see if he can
find his way back.
388
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,538
Our parents are drifting apart.
389
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:08,041
And as much as
I don't enjoy doing this,
390
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,710
I need the advice
of the only couple we know
391
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,712
that seems to like each other.
392
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,247
I'm stuck with you.
393
00:15:14,281 --> 00:15:16,749
Relationships
are simple, really.
394
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:19,219
Like, if Shauna's best friend
Tiffany comes on to me,
395
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,954
I make out with Shauna,
396
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,123
but I pretend it's her friend.
397
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,257
Aw.
398
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:25,558
(moaning)
399
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,560
Tiffany. Oh, yeah.
400
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:28,962
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
401
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:31,264
Guys. Guys, guys, guys.
Let's focus!
402
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:32,299
Focus.
403
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,401
Please give me something useful.
404
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,936
Okay. Your parents
have just got to find
405
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,938
something they both like doing.
406
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,940
Like, I like laughing at losers.
407
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:43,743
And I make losers happen.
408
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,413
-(grunts)
-(laughing)
409
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,748
(moaning)
410
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,750
(gasps)
Common interests!
411
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,019
Of course.
412
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,157
TV ANNOUNCER:
Back now to live coverage
413
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,926
of Little XII college golf
on ESPN-D3-2,
414
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:03,263
your second home
for Division III sports.
415
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,265
Dad, can you drive us
down to the beach?
416
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,001
I have a school project on...
sea turtles.
417
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,037
Don't listen to them.
418
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:13,273
You can see me?!
419
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,475
It's always the babies.
420
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,615
Hey. Where are the turtles?
421
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,851
There are no turtles, Homer.
It's a trick.
422
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:27,787
These kids are trying to help
you, 'cause they love you.
423
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,124
So there never were turtles?
424
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,159
No turtles!
425
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,626
I'm starting to think
426
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:36,129
there were no turtles.
427
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:37,730
(gasps)
Marge.
428
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,633
She looks so beautiful.
429
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,502
I've been such a fool.
430
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:45,872
And you forgot to get
a parking pass. Heh.
431
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,907
Our work is done, Lou.
432
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,577
(shudders):
Oh...
433
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:59,319
I'll never let
myself go like that!
434
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,354
I'm-a comin', Marge!
435
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,257
Ew! Gross!
436
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:08,228
Homer, you're making me mad.
437
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:10,830
And if there's one thing
you don't want to aggravate,
438
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,865
it's a hernia!
439
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,172
I'm Marge's husband, Homer.
440
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:21,007
Homer! Good-o!
441
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,009
Would you like me
to rehab you at work?
442
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,412
I could come right to you.
Same price.
443
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:28,681
Maybe. But now I need
your biggest, fastest kite.
444
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,916
-The Widdamaka?
-What?
445
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,718
Can you say that
without an accent?
446
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,853
-(without accent):
The Widowmaker.
-Oh! That's scary!
447
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,888
-Back to the accent!
-The Widdamaka.
448
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,023
I'll take it!
449
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,192
When I got married,
I took a vow:
450
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,693
"Something, something, something
451
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,595
till death something."
452
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:47,700
(yelps)
453
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,436
Homer! Rooster your gimbal!
454
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:50,737
Rooster your gimbal!
455
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,105
What does that mean?!
456
00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,640
Pull the rope!
457
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,809
The other rope.
458
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:00,880
Homie!
459
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,449
You came for me!
460
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,451
And I'll never leave you.
461
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,719
Except right now
when the wind blows me
462
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,288
(fading):
God knows where....
463
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,757
They're headed for a wind farm!
464
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,593
(both gasp)
465
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,229
BOTH:
Whoa...!
466
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:17,564
(kiss)
467
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,065
Whoa...!
468
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,099
(kiss)
469
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,335
Whoa...!
470
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,975
(New England accent):
Well, Mother,
looks like we caught
471
00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:30,943
a couple more kiteboarders.
472
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,780
-I'll get the big ladder.
-I'll tell the hospital
473
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:36,949
their power's gonna be down
for a while.
474
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,087
Strong woman, I love you.
475
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,790
(exhales)
And I love you.
476
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:46,926
And never again
will I listen to a doctor.
477
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,095
Wait, that's not the takeaway.
478
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,130
Takeaway?
That's a good idea!
479
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,266
Yello? Pizza Palace?
480
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,268
Can I get
a Henry the Eight-Inch Pizza
481
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,436
with extra meat?
482
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,805
And a side
of chocolate cheesy bread?
483
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,006
No such thing.
484
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,808
-Can you make it anyways?
-(groans)
485
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:08,114
Chief, I've got to make dinner
for my kids. Could you please
486
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:10,817
-tell me what this is about?
-Like most physical therapists
487
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:14,787
in America, this man
is actually a Russian spy.
488
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,156
Nigel is a spy?
489
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:18,491
Dimitri Nigelovonovitch.
490
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,960
Did you ever wonder
why he was so interested
491
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,962
in seeing your husband at work?
492
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,131
I thought
it was close to his house.
493
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,301
Didn't you ever ask yourself
how a beach bum like him
494
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:31,638
could afford a top-of-the-line
2007 Saturn SUV
495
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,640
with a full spare tire?
496
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,675
I guess I didn't want to know.
497
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:40,079
Just thank God, thank God your
husband is entrapping him now.
498
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:44,817
Homer, I just need
a few pictures of...
499
00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,519
the co-ah.
500
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:48,488
-The what?
-Goo-ah.
501
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,324
-The car?
-Goo-ah.
502
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,326
Like a crow? Caw?
503
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,161
Co-ahr-car?
504
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,197
(Russian accent): Damn it.
Show me your reactor core.
505
00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:00,233
All units, move in!
506
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,873
("Theme from
Mission: Impossible" playing)
507
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,384
♪
508
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,338
Shh!34523
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