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1
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,174
- Morning, Mike.
How's it hanging?
2
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,543
- Oh.
Fine, Dave, just fine.
3
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,545
- Listen, we got the files
for the new crop of incoming,
4
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:17,783
and the big guy thinks it's time
for you to fly solo.
5
00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:20,119
- I get to design it myself?
6
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:23,022
- You've been an apprentice
long enough. You're ready.
7
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,292
- Oh, Dave,
I'm gonna work so hard.
8
00:00:27,294 --> 00:00:29,395
My design is gonna be
absolutely perfect.
9
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,696
Easy there, rookie.
10
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,297
Starting immediately,
you'll be reporting
11
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,400
directly to the front office.
12
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:36,668
This is your shot.
Good luck.
13
00:00:45,813 --> 00:00:47,746
- the bad place is owed
two people.
14
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:51,150
You have all done bad things
since you arrived here.
15
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:53,152
I don't care
which two of you go.
16
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,387
You can decide.
You have 30 minutes.
17
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:02,094
- All I ever wanted was
for this neighborhood--
18
00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:04,430
my first neighborhood
to be perfect.
19
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:08,700
Somehow I blew it and...
Well, you're all suffering,
20
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:11,170
and for that,
I'm deeply sorry.
21
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:19,445
This is truly
the saddest day of my life.
22
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,594
- Okay, I guess
I'll speak first.
23
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,563
Jason and I are
the mistakes.
24
00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,498
We're the ones
who misled everybody
25
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,834
and dragged you all
into this mess, so...
26
00:01:41,836 --> 00:01:43,368
We should go
to the bad place.
27
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:44,670
- Agreed.
- Yes.
28
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:46,371
- Okay, I thought you were gonna
at least pretend
29
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,107
to fight me on that,
but whatever.
30
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,842
- Hang on.
That judge guy just said
31
00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:53,112
everyone here has done
bad things.
32
00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:54,746
Let's look at this
ethnically.
33
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:55,848
- "Ethically."
34
00:01:55,850 --> 00:01:57,883
- You guys helped
me and Eleanor, right,
35
00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:02,187
but we're bad,
so you helping us was bad.
36
00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:04,590
It's basic consequentialism:
The morality of an action
37
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:06,492
is solely judged
on its consequences.
38
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,327
Great.
39
00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:11,130
The one time you actually
remember something from class.
40
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,698
- Maybe I was brought here
by mistake,
41
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:14,299
but since we've been here,
i just tried
42
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:15,634
to stay
out of everyone's way.
43
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,569
Chidi's done
worse stuff than me.
44
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,705
He murdered Janet.
He killed my wife!
45
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:22,141
- I was trying to stop you
from doing it!
46
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:23,308
- Yeah, but you did it.
47
00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,410
He who smelt it
murdered Janet.
48
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:26,478
- Well,
it's settled then.
49
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,413
Eleanor and jianyu
are leaving.
50
00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:30,182
- For the last time,
my name is Jason,
51
00:02:30,184 --> 00:02:31,850
not jianyu, the amazing
and incredible monk.
52
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,253
- Which is why you belong
in the bad place.
53
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:37,189
- And by the way,
Janet is not your wife,
54
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:38,457
or your soul mate.
55
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:39,725
There's a Janet
in every neighborhood.
56
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:41,660
- Well, I'm in love
with this Janet.
57
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,662
We did a bunch of amazing,
awesome stuff
58
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,230
which almost turned out
to be sex,
59
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:46,865
and we were married
in a legal ceremony.
60
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:47,900
- It was not legal.
61
00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:49,768
- Okay, j-bones,
you and me, outside.
62
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,737
- What? But--
63
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,572
I'm not going.
I don't wanna.
64
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:57,376
- Well, I don't wanna either,
but let's face it.
65
00:02:57,378 --> 00:03:00,579
Chidi and tahani are
better people than we are.
66
00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:04,416
We tried to improve ourselves
and we did a good job.
67
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,717
Well, I did a good job.
68
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,519
You mostly fell asleep
in class
69
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,887
or made fart noises
with your hands.
70
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,322
I could never do that
71
00:03:10,324 --> 00:03:11,323
on earth.
72
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,725
This place truly is paradise.
73
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:15,194
Look at them.
74
00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:19,531
- Whispering away like
two beefeaters on a tea break.
75
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,400
I bet they're plotting
against us.
76
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,302
- No way.
Eleanor wouldn't do that.
77
00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:25,737
- You do have
feelings for her, don't you?
78
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,206
- Yes.
79
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:27,206
But no.
Please don't make me
80
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,975
think about this again.
My brain will break.
81
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:33,278
- I'm sorry, it's just that
i have certain feelings for you.
82
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,980
I don't mean
to contribute to your misery,
83
00:03:34,982 --> 00:03:36,715
it's just that
I'm frightened.
84
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,918
I don't have
an actual soul mate.
85
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,322
What's gonna happen to me
when Jason and fake Eleanor go
86
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,457
and you're off
with real Eleanor?
87
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,726
Whither tahani?
88
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,461
Okay, team meeting.
89
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:53,232
Jason has agreed that
the two of us should go.
90
00:03:53,234 --> 00:03:55,300
- Bye, tahani.
91
00:03:56,303 --> 00:03:56,301
Sorry for everything.
92
00:03:56,303 --> 00:04:00,939
After I'm gone you can go ahead
and clean out my bud hole.
93
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,674
- Thank you.
94
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:07,879
- I love you so much, baby.
Promise me you'll visit.
95
00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,514
- I will not.
96
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,950
It is literally impossible
for me to do that.
97
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:16,822
- well, it's been real, dog.
98
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,691
Sorry, that's how I ended most
of my serious relationships.
99
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,927
- Yeah, that checks out.
100
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:25,030
I feel like I failed you.
101
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:28,834
- No.
Don't ever think that.
102
00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:35,674
I was dropped into a cave,
and you were my flashlight.
103
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:39,845
- Oh. Good-bye forever.
104
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,980
I will miss you so much.
105
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,549
- I'll miss you too,
you sexy skyscraper.
106
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,588
All right, ready to go?
Let's grab Michael.
107
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:52,991
Come in.
108
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,027
- Hi, guys.
Sorry to interrupt.
109
00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:59,398
Um, I'm going to the bad place.
I've taken one of the slots.
110
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,599
- What?
- Awesome.
111
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:03,669
- Eleanor, that's crazy.
You belong here.
112
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:04,903
Why would you go?
113
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:08,507
- Everyone here is
supposed to have a soul mate,
114
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:11,443
and my soul mate
doesn't love me.
115
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:15,347
I don't know if you love
the other Eleanor
116
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,916
or tahani
or someone else,
117
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:23,555
but you don't love me,
which means that this...
118
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:27,859
Will never really be
my good place.
119
00:05:27,861 --> 00:05:31,763
I'm going, so you only
have to choose one more person.
120
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:36,702
- Okay, that means--
121
00:05:36,704 --> 00:05:38,003
what does that mean?
122
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,339
- It means...
123
00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:42,541
I get to stay here
with my wife forever!
124
00:05:42,543 --> 00:05:47,446
We did it, Eleanor!
Usa! Usa! Usa!
125
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:01,093
- This is a real mess, huh?
126
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:05,831
No matter what they decide,
I'd bet you're gonna be
127
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,799
in pretty hot water
with your boss.
128
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:11,036
Wouldn't be surprised
if retirement were on the table.
129
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:13,972
- Retirement?
130
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:13,972
- Course,
what do I know?
131
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:18,677
I'm just the all-knowing judge
of all matters in the afterlife.
132
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:22,714
But face it,
this is your mistake.
133
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,883
- Morning, Mike.
- Morning, val.
134
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,753
- Which one's which?
I always forget.
135
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:30,422
- Black is regular,
orange is anti-matter.
136
00:06:32,024 --> 00:06:35,527
- Working on your first
solo design, right?
137
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:37,429
How's it coming?
138
00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:41,633
- Do you ever get the feeling
we could be doing it all...
139
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:41,633
Differently?
140
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:45,904
I mean, it's always the same.
We get the names,
141
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:48,507
come up with the design,
they arrive,
142
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,809
we move on
to the next one.
143
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:54,746
We never even get to be there...
To see how fun it is.
144
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,849
- Yeah, I guess, but don't
rock the boat here, pal,
145
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,619
just try to do a good job.
146
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,555
Mm.
French vanilla?
147
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,590
Regular anti-matter's fine.
Why flavor it?
148
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,594
- a good job.
149
00:07:22,675 --> 00:07:26,011
- all right, nerds,
let's just get this over with.
150
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:28,213
I'll go to the bad place
with real Eleanor,
151
00:07:28,215 --> 00:07:29,681
and you three can stay.
- Yes!
152
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,516
We get to stay, baby!
We did it!
153
00:07:31,518 --> 00:07:33,652
- Wait, no.
154
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:36,087
You're not going.
155
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,122
I am.
156
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:37,122
- What?
- Why?
157
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:41,993
- Real Eleanor is my soul mate--
or was my soul mate--
158
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,161
and she's only
going down there
159
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,696
because she thinks
that I don't love her.
160
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:44,696
- Do you?
- I don't know.
161
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:47,499
Please don't ask me that.
My stomach hurts.
162
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:50,168
The point is, if she's going
down there because of me,
163
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:50,168
I'll never be at peace.
164
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:53,505
- Yes! We get to stay, baby!
We did it!
165
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,207
- No, this is bonkers.
166
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:56,875
I am going.
End of story.
167
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:59,478
- No, I'm going.
End of everything.
168
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,913
- What? Now you're trying
to replace chidi?
169
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,583
- No. I'm going to replace
real Eleanor.
170
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:04,583
Chidi and I are
going to go together,
171
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:08,487
which means that you and
real Eleanor and Jason can stay.
172
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,856
- Yes! We get to stay, baby!
We did it!
173
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:14,960
- Look, I love you
and I think you love me.
174
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:18,563
We can be together,
away from everyone else.
175
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:19,831
Obviously,
we'll be miserable,
176
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:23,535
but I truly believe
our love will make us happy.
177
00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:25,637
- Okay, you realize
the bad place is not
178
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,506
some sort of couples retreat,
right?
179
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,741
- If it is, Janet and i
would like to go.
180
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,810
- Oh, that's enough out of you,
robot lover.
181
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,211
- Hey, that's racist!
- Not a robot.
182
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,180
- Oh, you have some nerve.
183
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:36,281
Guys?
184
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,118
Guys!
185
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:53,031
Holy motherforking shirtballs.
186
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:55,800
- What?
187
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:56,968
- Wow!
188
00:08:56,970 --> 00:09:00,171
Okay, okay.
189
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:01,907
Uh, whoo!
190
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:05,677
Yo, Mikey! Shawn!
Come on out!
191
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:10,315
- Is everything okay?
192
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,317
- Right as rain,
Mikey my boy.
193
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:15,620
So, chidi and I are gonna go
to the bad place.
194
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:18,590
- What?
- Trust me, I've got this.
195
00:09:18,592 --> 00:09:20,158
That's our decision.
Let's hit it.
196
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,227
- Well,
what about real Eleanor?
197
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,629
- No, it's me and chidi.
Call the train.
198
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,199
- Point of order.
I don't accept this offer.
199
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,968
The real mistakes were
Jason and Eleanor.
200
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,203
- Gah, gah, gah, gah!
You said any two of us.
201
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:34,673
It's me and chidi.
Let's do it to it.
202
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:38,209
- Michael! I just found
an obscure precedent
203
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:39,911
in the rules
that might just save everyone.
204
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,714
- Buzz off, bambadjan!
Don't need it.
205
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,918
- Oh, okay.
206
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,688
- Ready when you are, boss.
207
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,623
- Eleanor,
what's going on?
208
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:54,092
- It took me a while
to figure it out,
209
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,061
but just now
as we were all
210
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:57,929
fighting and yelling
at each other
211
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:01,166
and each one of us demanding
we should go to the bad place,
212
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:04,803
I thought to myself,
"man, this is torture."
213
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,805
And then it hit me.
214
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:10,942
They're never gonna call a train
to take us to the bad place.
215
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:14,913
The can't,
because we're already here.
216
00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:18,950
This is the bad place.
217
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:33,398
Oh, man!
218
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,900
I can't believe
you figured it out.
219
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,205
Oh, god!
220
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,108
Y-you ruined everything,
you know that?
221
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:56,187
- Oh, man.
222
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:59,958
Eleanor,
you really suck!
223
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,192
I was so close
224
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,227
to pulling it off!
225
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:12,037
- Sorry.
So she's right?
226
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:13,872
- Yeah, she figured it out.
227
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:17,308
- No, this doesn't make
any sense.
228
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:18,343
This is paradise.
229
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:21,079
- Oh, it looks
like paradise,
230
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:24,315
but it's actually
a filthy dumpster
231
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,351
full of our worst anxieties.
232
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:30,088
I'm surrounded by people who are
literally better than me.
233
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:33,758
Just me being here forced chidi
into an ethical "clusterfork."
234
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,093
Tahani tortured Jason
235
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,995
by constantly trying
to get him to talk,
236
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,698
Jason tortured my because I was
sure he would blow our cover,
237
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:40,965
which was torture
for chidi,
238
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,467
because he was
responsible for me,
239
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,969
which made chidi seem
like the perfect soul mate,
240
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:47,706
and that tortured tahani
because he didn't love her.
241
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:47,706
- You don't love me?
242
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:50,208
- Please, don't ask me that
right now.
243
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,309
- See?
244
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:53,111
We've been torturing each other
245
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:55,180
since the moment
we arrived,
246
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:57,082
and everything
Michael has done
247
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:59,284
has made at least one of us
miserable.
248
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,820
He played us like a fiddle.
249
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:02,921
- Oh, dip!
250
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,255
Eleanor,
i told you that first night
251
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,857
that we were
in a prank show.
252
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:06,958
- Oh, yeah.
253
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,294
You did!
Great job, man.
254
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,731
- Chidi, don't go!
255
00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:15,734
I don't care if you don't
love me; I love you.
256
00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:18,069
It's the only thing
that makes any sense to me
257
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,739
in this crazy world,
and I think we should stay--
258
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:24,476
- no, stop, Vicky.
They figured it out.
259
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:26,511
- They--
- they know this is
260
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:27,512
the bad place.
261
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,948
Eleanor figured it out.
262
00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:34,252
Man!
263
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,887
This was supposed to be
my big moment.
264
00:12:35,889 --> 00:12:39,224
I just rehearsed that speech
for, like, three hours.
265
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:42,160
Damn it, Eleanor,
you are the worst,
266
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,362
and you can all
suck it.
267
00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:46,364
- Do you remember
what I told you
268
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:51,069
when you predicted you could
do this for 1,000 years?
269
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:55,406
- The time has come
to innovate.
270
00:12:55,408 --> 00:13:01,246
The human afterlife
can be more fun.
271
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:04,783
For us, obviously, not
for the people we're torturing.
272
00:13:04,785 --> 00:13:06,117
Who cares
about those dummies?
273
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,155
I present to you
the perfect recipe
274
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,290
for my proposed experiment.
275
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:17,095
Four people, perfectly suited
to make each other miserable.
276
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:20,064
I am going to design
an afterlife
277
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:23,001
where they
torture each other.
278
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:23,001
- We've tried this.
279
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:26,504
Humans are very reticent
to torture each other.
280
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:28,106
Even getting them to do
simple things
281
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:32,043
like pulling out each other's
teeth is like--
282
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,245
I can't think
of the right analogy.
283
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:36,147
What makes you think that you
can get them to do this?
284
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:39,117
- Because they won't even know
that they are doing it.
285
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:43,388
I'm going to make them think
that they are in the good place,
286
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:46,825
and to make sure that they
drive each other insane,
287
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:51,830
I will be there, posing
as a good place architect.
288
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:51,830
- What?
289
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:55,033
- I even stole
a good place Janet we can use.
290
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,401
Look,
291
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,369
we can just send them all
to the hot spike pits
292
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,838
with the lava and the bees
293
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,973
and the lightning
that tears off their flesh.
294
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:04,209
Let's try something new.
295
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:06,511
I cannot predict everything
that's gonna happen,
296
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,012
but we'll improvise.
297
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,914
We'll be on our toes.
298
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:14,118
I think that we can get them
to torture each other...
299
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,486
For 1,000 years.
300
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:18,356
- I think you'd be lucky
to get six months
301
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,124
out of this insane gambit.
302
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:25,597
But take me through it.
How would this work, exactly?
303
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:28,566
- Oh. Yes, all right, so--
304
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:31,336
This is
a 14 million-point plan.
305
00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:34,973
- Um--
oh, sorry.
306
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:37,308
I thought we reserved
the conference room.
307
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,110
- No, Todd,
we have it until 3:00.
308
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:41,379
- Sorry.
Sorry, everyone.
309
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,514
- So, everyone else
in this neighborhood--
310
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,416
- except for you four,
311
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:49,254
everyone in this neighborhood
is one of us.
312
00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:51,389
After I came up
with everyone's characters,
313
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:54,659
we'd just create fun scenarios
designed to torture you.
314
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,895
- How can I be over it?
We haven't discussed it
315
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,963
or even spoken
for days.
316
00:14:58,965 --> 00:14:58,963
- Well, it sounds
like you've had
317
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:02,934
a really nice vacation
from your full-time job.
318
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,535
Get your story straight.
319
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,371
- Okay.
320
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:08,106
They're at each other's throats
already.
321
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,407
This should put them
over the top.
322
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:12,076
Ed, you play Bart,
a former private eye.
323
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,412
- Ooh.
- Tracy, you're his soul mate,
324
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,114
Nina...
A marriage counselor.
325
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,516
- Maybe we can get them
to swing with us.
326
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,619
- That's perfect,
perfect!
327
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:22,954
Shh, shh, shh.
328
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,390
Hey, guys?It's Michael!
329
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,993
- That was
really a fun time.
330
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:32,931
Then it all started
to go off the rails.
331
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,066
- When I confessed.
332
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,402
You had no idea I was gonna do that,
333
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:40,238
because honestly, I had no idea I was gonna do that.
334
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,340
- Yeah, that cameout of nowhere.
335
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:45,677
I mean, after that it was just
a crazy scramble for all of us.
336
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:48,112
You know, I definitely
underestimated
337
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,281
how effective chidi
was gonna be,
338
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,582
teaching you
to be good,
339
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,685
and obviously,
we didn't anticipate
340
00:15:53,687 --> 00:15:56,054
that Janet would
fall in love with Jason.
341
00:15:56,056 --> 00:15:58,523
- Hang on.
That part is real.
342
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:01,392
- Oh, yeah.
Janet isn't one of us.
343
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:04,395
No, she's sort of a...
Foundational mainframe
344
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:07,131
for all of the neighborhoods,
good and bad.
345
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,501
And apparently, this Janet
is in love with Jason.
346
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,670
I mean--
What a world, huh?
347
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,305
- Wait, I don't get
something.
348
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:18,409
I know why Jason and I were
sent here, but why tahani?
349
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:20,011
- Oh, yeah.
Didn't you raise,
350
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:22,647
like, $1,000 for charity,
or whatever?
351
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:26,184
- Uh, $60 billion,
actually, so.
352
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,620
Oh.
353
00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,523
But it didn't matter...
354
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:34,659
Because my motivations
were corrupt.
355
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,295
I didn't care
about helping
356
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,597
the people
i raised the money for.
357
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,333
I just wanted to prove my parents wrong,
358
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,035
stick it to my sister,
359
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,403
get fame and attention.
360
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:46,671
My only real goal
361
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:50,408
was to snog Ryan gosling
at the met ball.
362
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,477
Which I did.
363
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:53,611
Couple of times,
actually.
364
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:56,014
- But wait,
why is chidi here?
365
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,615
- Well, uh...
366
00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:01,152
There's something
you don't know about me.
367
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,721
I read an article saying
that growing almonds
368
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:07,558
was bad for the environment,
and yet I continued to use
369
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,362
almond milk in my coffee--
- no, dingus!
370
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,431
You hurt
everyone in your life
371
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:16,501
with your rigidity
and your indecisiveness.
372
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:21,406
- Oh, fork!
373
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:21,406
You're right.
374
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:25,777
Every friend, every girlfriend was driven nuts
375
00:17:25,779 --> 00:17:28,413
because I couldn't do anything.
376
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,114
I missed my mom's back surgery
377
00:17:30,116 --> 00:17:33,484
because I had already promised
my landlord's nephew
378
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,087
that I would help him
figure out his new phone.
379
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:38,122
I made everyone
miserable.
380
00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:40,324
- I mean, all this hard work,
all the planning,
381
00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:42,427
all for nothing.
382
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,062
This really sucks.
383
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:46,130
- No, it doesn't.
384
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:47,632
This is wonderful.
385
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:50,701
You saw us all
on earth--
386
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:55,139
a selfish ass, an idiot dj,
a tortured academic,
387
00:17:55,141 --> 00:18:00,078
a hot, rich fraud
with legs for days--
388
00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,814
side note, I might
legit be into tahani.
389
00:18:02,816 --> 00:18:05,083
But that's
for another time.
390
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:07,718
You thought we would
torture each other,
391
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,620
and we did
for a little,
392
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:11,689
but we also took care
of each other.
393
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:14,225
We improved each other,
394
00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:16,394
and the four of us
became a team.
395
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:20,431
So, the only thing
you succeeded in doing
396
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:23,367
was bringing us all
together.
397
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:27,371
- Oh, Eleanor.
That's it!
398
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:30,775
My big mistake was
bringing you all together,
399
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:34,479
having you be soul mates
living next to each other.
400
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:38,282
Next time, I'll spread you out
so it's more of a slow burn.
401
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:39,550
- Uh, next time?
- Yeah.
402
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,252
Yeah, I'm gonna
erase your memories,
403
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:43,821
you know, make a few changes
and start over again.
404
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:46,824
Hopefully. Just gotta get
the boss man to sign off.
405
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,826
Wish me luck.
406
00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:05,743
- Guys, we need a plan.
Quick.
407
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,146
Tahani, anything?
408
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:09,680
Chidi, I need ya.
You're the smart one.
409
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:11,516
- I-i can't.
I-i can't.
410
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,684
- Jason?
- What? What's up?
411
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,186
- Ugh!
412
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:17,488
- What do you say?
Take two, huh?
413
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,890
- I don't know.
414
00:19:18,892 --> 00:19:22,393
I mean, what is this?
All this work for four people.
415
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:25,196
- Look, for a first attempt
it was actually very promising.
416
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:28,733
Let me--let me just tinker
a little, try again.
417
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,868
- Okay.
418
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,437
But you're way out on a limb
here, Mike.
419
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:37,808
If this thing goes sideways
again, you are done.
420
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:40,311
- Guys, he is going to erase
our memories at any second
421
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:42,880
and all of this will have been
for nothing.
422
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,882
Ugh!
You're useless!
423
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:48,519
What do I write?
What do I write?
424
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,922
Ooh!
Come on, brain.
425
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:57,562
Janet?
426
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:58,696
You can't eat anything,
right?
427
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,831
- Correct.
- Open up.
428
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:03,568
- All right, let's try again,
shall we?
429
00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:06,370
- You know what, bro?
Do your worst.
430
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,639
We figured it out once,
we can do it again,
431
00:20:08,641 --> 00:20:11,475
because you know what,
Michael?
432
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:12,610
Ya bas--
433
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:27,925
- Eleanor,
come on in.
434
00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:31,696
You, Eleanor shellstrop,
are dead.
435
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,231
- Cool.
436
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,703
- You know the way you feel when you see
437
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:41,772
a chimpanzee and a baby tiger who've become friends?
438
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:46,010
That's how you're going to feel every day.
439
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,950
- Eleanor?
I'm Chris Baker.
440
00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:53,985
I'm your soul mate.
441
00:20:53,987 --> 00:20:57,321
- Cool.
Bring it in, man.
442
00:20:58,590 --> 00:20:59,790
So where are you from,
Chris?
443
00:20:59,792 --> 00:21:01,726
- I'm from teaneck,
New Jersey,
444
00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:03,894
and I was a mailman.
445
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:07,565
- Really?
446
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:11,335
Chris, you'll stand by me
no matter what, right?
447
00:21:11,337 --> 00:21:14,372
- Hold that thought.
Is it okay if I go work out?
448
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:17,375
I love working out.
I gotta stay jacked,
449
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:19,377
it's...Who I am.
450
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:20,611
- Yeah, you gotta.
451
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,381
- Once I'm back,
we'll get to know each other.
452
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:25,349
- Great.
453
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:26,851
See ya soon.
454
00:21:28,321 --> 00:21:29,453
Hi there.
455
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:30,788
Who are you?
- I'm Janet.
456
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,456
I think this is yours.
457
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:34,859
After I was rebooted,
i found it in my mouth.
458
00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:36,994
- What?
459
00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:47,571
What the fork
is a "chidi"?
460
00:21:47,573 --> 00:21:49,073
Why can't I say "fork"?
34058
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