Original subtitles

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

Golly, that musl be some book,

First time I ever saw a fellow get all were outjust readin'.

This is a humdinger. you know that?

The Art of Judo.

ll oughl to be required readin'

for every law enforcement officer.

Is that right?

Yeah.

Just listen to this:

'The practice of Judo is not limited

"to seeking physical perfection,

"Through hard practice of Judo,

one will be able to cultivate courage to endure hardship."

I'll be dogged.

Yeah. Professor Matsumato wrote that.

He don't come lrom around here, does he?

No, Andy. He's from the old country.

Now, just for an example.

What would you do

if you was tryin' to arrest a desperate criminal

and he was comin' at you with a knife

but you was unarmed— what would you do?

Uh...

Run?

(laughing)

You’d use the Komashido Gatarm'.

The how?

That means counter the attack.

-0h. -Here, I'll show you. Come on, I'll show you,

-Huh? -Yeah.

Now, see that knife? That's a knife.

That’s a r... Oh, that's a knife.

Yeah. Hold it like that.

-Like that? »Yeah.

Now you come at me like you was gonna attack me, see.

Vifith the knife, that's right.

Come at you?

Yeah, come right at me.

Right at you?

Yeah, real fast. Come on.

What if I hurt you?

No, you won‘t hurt me

-Right at you? -Let's go.

Halt!

Just a second, wait a minute.

(grunting)

You gonna do all that to me?

No. no, I‘ll take it easy on you.

I'll take it easy.

-o... Okay. >Come on.

Okay. Come at me.

Right at you?

-Yeah. Ready? -Okay, ready.

Ha! One, two...

Andy. um, you wanna let loose.,. let go...

Well... is... is that all there is to it?

No, you did something wrong.

Well, I still got the knife.

I know, but you did something wrong. Let me loose,

You... you didn't do it right, Andy.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

Wait a minute, I'm gonna try the other way,

Okay.

-This is the Komashido. -Yeah?

The Komashi‘do method.

Komashido?

Yeah, now, do this in slow motion

Yeah, This way again?

-No. Come at me this way. -Down?

Yeah, get her up there.

-Okay. -Slow motion.

-Slovf.7 -|'|| show you step by step.

Okay.

-Now, ready? -Ready.

-Come on. -Okay.

-Look at that. -Huhl

-See that? -Yeah.

You can‘t do anything.

Now | just do this.

Yeah?

Now, doesn’t matter how strong you are

because it‘s leverage.

See that? Ijust torce you right down.

-Yeah. I'll be dogged. -See that?

-Uh-huh. —Now, let's try it.

-0kay. -Really fast.

Fast?

Really try to get me.

-Really fast. -Y-you ready?

Yeah.

Hi, hip, heh. Come on.

-All right, -Hip, ha! Hee!

Now | just force you...

like that.

(groaning)

-Andy? -Huh?

Andy, you want to let me up?

Huh?

Want tojust let me up?

Is that all you gonna do?

Well, no, you did something wrong.

Uh... oh.

You did something wrong.

I don‘t know what it was.

Oh, golly, I'm sorry.

That's all right.

(phone rings)

Hello, Sheriffs Office.

What?

Again?

All right, we'll be right over.

| see what you did wrong now,

You was holdin' the knife in the wrong hand.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'll try to be more considerate

next time | attack you.

Better check in there

and see it they got any detense

against an attack by flyin' plates,

Flyin' plates?

Yeah, the Boones.

Are they at it again?

Yeah, just had a call from a next-door neighbor,

Sounds like a wild and woolly one.

Them two beat everything, don't they?

Ever since they moved to town

they been at each other.

Yeah.

Maybe you better take your book along,

Huh?

Well, maybe you can practice on Miss Boone.

0h.

(woman yelling)

(crockery breaking)

(man yelling)

Hurry in there, Sheriff, before they kill one another.

It’ll be a good thing 'rtthey would.

Then maybe we'd get a little peace around here.

Can't you do something about t, Sheriff?

Maybe you all better just go on home.

We'll take care of it.

Yeah, yeah, get back, everybody,

We're going in now.

MAN: After that garbage you call,..!

Open up in there!

Open up in the name of the law!

(glass shatters)

Open up, lsaid!

This is Deputy Barney Fife!

(crockery shatters)

Fred, Jennie?

You ain‘t got a chance.

The place is surrounded.

Now open this door!

You fat-mouthed...

Barney, why don't we just open it?

Now you really got us riled.

You almost hit the Sheriff.

Go get 'em, Sheriff.

(all screaming at once)

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop it, stop it, right now!

Why, hello, Andy.

How are you?

Hi, Andy. Glad to see you.

Fred, you and Jennie know

you’re disturbin' the peace again,

Well, we‘rejust havin‘ a little friendly argument.

Well, I want you to stop it. Iwant you to quit it right now,

Well, I’ll quit h when she quits her evenastin‘ naggin’,

Naggin'?

Yeah, naggin‘. Nag, nag, nag.

How‘d you like a big fat lip?

I'd like it fine.

It‘d match your big fat mouth.

You shut up, you big old buzzard, you!

Don't tell me to shut up,

you old crow.

Crow, crow!

(sawing)

(everybody shouting)

Stop it!

Now, Jennie, put that cup down.

Put it down right now!

(shatters)

(groans)

I didn't mean there.

All rig ht, Sheriff, what do you say?

Do we pull 'em in?

Don't think I ain‘t tempted.

And don‘t think I ain't got the grounds to do it, too.

Now, Fred, you and Jennie,

this is the last time I'm wamin' you.

Now, the next time I‘m gonna have to pull you in,

so there better not be a next time.

Now, do you hear me?

Well, sorry to cause you all this trouble, Andy.

I'm sorry, Andy.

Oh, I hope I didn't hurt your foot none, Barney.

Oh, well, no. It'll be all right in a couple of weeks.

ANDY: Well, now, I want both of you

to straighten up and act like somebody.

We gotta get some fishin' in, one of these days, Andy.

Yeah, I reckon we have.

I’ve been busy lately.

But we'll get up a trip pretty soon.

Come back again, Andy,

How's Aunt Bee?

0h, she, she‘s doing fine.

JENNIE: Good.

We'll see ya.

All right.

FRED: See what your big mouth did?

JENNIE: My big mouth, you big baboon?

Fred!

You and Jennie.

I mean it.

(all shouting)

Get in here, you two!

Come on! Get right in here, now!

Oh, for heaven's sakes, what is it this time?

Well, that warning you give 'em last night didn‘t do any good.

First thing this mornin’ they's at it again.

l was out on patrol and heard the racket.

You're the limit, you two.

Don’t you even stop for breakfast?

What am I gonna do with you?

What am I gonna do with you?

If she would just keep her big mouth shut...

-Quiet! -All she does is...

Quiet!

Throw the book at 'em.

Wouldn't do any good.

Jennie‘d just pick it up and throw it back at Fred.

If I was you, I'd look 'em up

and throw away the key.

Well, that wouldn't do any good, either,

because just as soon as they‘d get out,

they‘d start it all over again.

Fred, you and Jennie, I declare,

you’re just as guilty as all get out,

| just don't know what in the world

to do with you.

Ever since you moved down here,

you get along with everybody else fine.

You're nice folks.

Now, how come you can't get along with one another?

Shen'ff, did you ever try to get along with a rattlesnake?

Well, I'll tell you, Sheriff. He's the meanest...

Now, hold it, hold it, hold it.

Now, I am bound to find out what starts these fights

and then maybe we can work from there.

Now, what was it started the row this mornin'?

l was at breakfast.

-Ha! If you could call it that. Breakfast?

He throwed his plate of food on the floor.

Food?

Hal That slop wasn't fit for the hogs,

Oh, it was fit for hogs.

That‘s why I give it to you.

There, you see what I mean, Sheriff?

-(both talking at once) -Hold it!

She keeps giving me that needling.

Wait a minute, Fred, Fred...

you and Jennie...

Now what was the first thing you said

this mornin' at the breakfast table?

First thing?

AN DY: That's right.

First thing I say every mornin'.

What's that?

Yecch.

Uh-huh.

What are you gonna do, Andy?

Well, I believe

we'll just try a little experiment here.

Fred, I want you to set down right there.

And, Jennie, you set down right there.

Do l have to sit?

Yes, you have to set right down,

Now, now, now, this is you two

over at your house at the breakfast table.

Now, Fred, I want you

to say something nice to Jennie.

What?

Yeah, say something nice to Jennie.

To her?

That's right.

I‘d rather eat the slop.

Fred, say something nice to Jennie

or get locked up in one of them cells.

Well, uh...

Uh...

This ain‘t gonna work, Andy.

He can't even think of one thing,

Well, now all new things come hard,

but I'm sure Fred can work up to it.

Let‘s see.

How about a nice "Good momin'"

just for a starter?

Oh, Sheriff, that's crazy kind of..,

Fred.

(HWY): Mornin'!

No. Not l'mornin'!"

Nice and polite, like "Good mornin'."

Now, Fred, say it or get locked up.

M... mornin'.

Now, now you, Jennie.

Jennie?

Mornin'.

Uh-huh.

Now, "Good mornin', dear."

"Deaf'?

"Dear."

I'd rather die.

Come on, Jennie, you can do it.

"Mornin‘, dear."

How come you give me the real hard ones?

Because you‘re a lady.

Now, come on, give it a try.

"Mornin'..."

Mornin'...

"Dear."

Dear.

Now you again, Fred.

"Mornin‘, honey."

Honey?

-Honey, -0h, Sheriff...

"Honey."

Sheriff, a man's just made out of flesh and blood,

you know?

Come on, Fred.

"Good mornin', honey."

Andy, you think it'd help if I held this up to his head?

I think that might make him say it.

Come on, Fred.

That's it. "Momin', honey."

Mornin', honey!

Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?

It wasn‘t so good, neither.

I'd rather be called "skunk taoe" than "honey" like that,

It ain‘t gonna work, Andy, It just ain't gonna work.

Now, that wasn't half bad for a starter.

Now, we'll do this every mornin' for 15 minutes

till you get the habit.

-Do what? -Do what?

That's right, you're both on probation

a—and you better show up.

-Oh, but Sheriff... -Because if you don‘t,

I'm gonna have to come and get you and lock you up,

Do this every mornin'?

—That's right, -Sheriff, what... this...

And now you've got the words out,

let's work on getting them out with the right expression.

Now, Jennie, it's not, it's not

(curtly): "Momin', dear."

It's... (softly): "Mornin', dear."

Fred, it's (softly): "Mornin', honey.“

Now, let's everybodytogether.

Mornin', dear.

Mornin', honey.

ALL: Mornin', dear.

Mornin', honey.

Mornin‘, dear...

Andy, that was brilliant.

Just plain brilliant.

Yeah, it is, ain't it?

Well, it certainly is.

That's what most things are-- habit.

And if you can get folks into the habit

of getting along instead of fighting,

they will.

Get along. I mean, that is.

Well, yeah, th-that's the way I had it figured.

I says to myself, I says,

I'll get 'em in the habit and then...

-0PIE: No, we ain't. -BOY: We are, too.

It's my house and I don't wanna.

I'm the company so you gotta.

No, I ain‘t.

Yes, you do.

Opie, you and Billy stop that right now.

Just stop that, stop that right now,

Now, Opie, every time Billy comes over here,

you all wind up rollin' around on the floor

and rearrangin' the fumiture.

Now, how come you can't play nice?

'Cause he's as stubbom as a mule.

I am not, you are!

-I am not, you are. -You both are.

Now, I'm tired of this howlin‘ and yowlin‘

every time you all get together.

Now, if you can't play nice,

maybe I better just tell Billy

he's not to come here anymore.

BEE: Andy?

Ma'am?

You‘re not being brilliant.

Huh?

Habit, remember?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Uh...

Young 'uns?

| tell you what I'm gonna do with you.

Now, every time you all play nice together,

no howlin' and no yovvlin'

and no movin' the furniture around,

I'm gonna give each one of you a shiny new nickel.

Now, how does that set with you?

A nickel, Paw,

a whole nickel?

Just for playin' nice?

Boy, for that much money I'd play nice with a polecat.

Yeah, me, too.

All right, let's give it a try, then,

What do you want to play, Opie?

Anything you want to play, Billy.

Well, you did itagain, didn't you?

Oh, now, Aunt Bee.

Well, you did.

Well, the way I figure it

is-is they'll do it for the nickel, see,

and then they/ll get used to it

and, uh...

now, what. .

what was that word you called it a while ago?

"Habit"?

-No, —"Getting along."

Uh, no, it-it started w'th a, w'th a "B."

A "B"?

"Brilliant"?

Oh, now, Aunt Bee.

Would you like some more coffee, dear?

No, thank you... honey.

The eggs are delicious.

Thank you, dear.

I'm glad you like them.

You're welcome, honey.

Oh, that was fine, fine!

Ain‘t no use overdoin' it, though,

Anyway, your time's up, you can go now,

(chuckles)

And we’ll do handshakin' tomorrow.

Handshakin'?

Now there ain‘t no use to go into a panic, Fred.

Why it wouldn't surprise me if in a week's time

it didn't bother you at all. See you at 9:00.

And let's hear it one more time.

Mornin', dear.

Mornin‘, honey.

(testily): Mornin', dear.

(strained): Mornin', honey.

Mornin', dear.

Mornin‘—

Uh, Fred, Fred!

The door, remember?

0h.

After you, honey,

Thank you, dear.

ANDY: Good fella.

Why don‘t you go take a...

Well, you still think this ain’t gonna work, Barney?

Well, I got to admit you got things

comin' out of their mouths I never would‘ve thought possible.

-Yeah. -But what‘s to stop them from goin' home now

and havin‘ a dingbuster of a battle?

Well, I‘ll tell you, Barney.

In the first place, them two's in too great a state of shock

to think of fightin',

And in the second place,

bythe time the shock wears off,

why, the habit will have taken over.

No, I think the Boones' fightin' days is finished,

Well, good.

Good? It's brilliant.

I'll see you tonight, angel.

Yes, dear.

-Bye, dear. —Bye, dear,

Oh, that was fine.

I'm glad you liked it.

Let‘s go, dear.

See you tomorrow,

We know it, Barney.

We'll be here.

Morning, honey.

Morning, dear.

-Morning, honey. —Morning, honey,

Well, they're kind of short with us

but they're doing just fine with each other.

Yeah, ain't they?

I got to hand it to you, Andy,

I never would have believed itcould have been done.

and practice will do.

They sure are changed.

Yeah, just two nice, kind, gentle folks.

Mmm,

Deal the cards, will you, Cliff?

You gonna shuffle all night?

Well, all right, all right,

What are we playing here, hearts or tiddlywinks?

Well, the man‘s dealing the cards like you asked him to,

Pipe down, will ya, Gil, I ain‘t talkin' to you.

Well, I know you're not,

Well, then, butt out.

-What's got into you lately, Fred? -What?

Well, you was always so friendly like when we played hearts,

but lately you been kind of mean like.

You tryin‘ to start somethin', Gil?

No, no, no.

Yeah, Fred, I noticed lately that you been..,

Deal!

...acting...

What... uh, what is it, dear?

l was just wondering if you and the boys

would like some coffee, dear?

Well, that's very sweet of you, darling.

You fellas want some coffee?

All right, speak up!

-S-Sure. -Thank you.

Thanks. Yes, darling, theyll have some.

Thank you, dear.

You're welcome, dear.

Where are the rest of the cards? Deal, will ya?!

Hi, Aunt Bee.

Evenin', Andy.

How‘s the experiment

with the Boones comin' along?

Oh, fine, line.

That's good.

You ought to see the way they talk to one another--

just as friendly and polite,

I'm glad they talk to each other that way,

Jennie hasn't been talking like that lately.

Huh?

Well, I met her on the street yesterday

and I said something to her

and she practically took my head off,

Well, what in the world did you say?

A perfectly innocent thing,

I think I remarked that she was wearing her hair differently.

And she turned on me like a cat.

Well, maybe she‘s feelin’ poorly,

No, no. I never remember seeing her this way.

She was always a friendly sort of easygoing woman.

Haven‘t you noticed the change in her, Andy?

Well, now... now that you mention it

they, they both been a little bit snappish.

Well, golly, they get along fine with one another.

Why, I ain't had a single complaint

about them disturbin' the peace lately,

Well, now, I wonder if they really prefer 't that way.

Hmm?

Well, maybe they're more content when they’re bickering.

You mean, maybe they can... they can only be happy

wh-when they're pickin' at each other?

And, uh, maybe that's the way

that they show their love for one another?

Sounds peculiar but it's not unusual.

Huh.

Oh, hi, Ope.

Hi, Paw.

Well, boy, you sure are the quiet one.

-Uh-huh. -Well, what's the matter?

Ain't you been playin' with your friend Billy lately?

No.

Well, how come?

He don't like comin' here anymore,

Well, why not?

Says you can't play cops and robbers

or cowboys here.

You got to play nice.

Well, I gave you all a nickel

everytime you did play nice.

Iknorrv, Paw.

But Billy would rather play good games for nothin'

than get a nickel for playin‘ nice.

Sure is borin', Paw.

Well, well, now, now, wait a minute.

Let me, let me just understand somethin' here.

Uh, you mean, you mean all those nickels

that I gave you and Billy

kinda took the fun out of playin‘

and you'd like to go back to the way 't was?

Playin' kind of wild and messin' around

because it comes more natural to you?

Yeah, Paw.

(knocking at door)

Well, Cliff, what in the world happened to you?

Are you hurt?

Oh, it's that Fred Boone, Sheriff.

You got to do somethin' about him.

Well, what did he do?

Well, he's been actin‘ meaner than a bear lately,

and tonight whilst we was playin‘ cards,

he begin to complain about how I was dealin' too slow.

He did?

And next thing I know, he punched me in the nose.

-For nothin'? -For nothin'!

There was a pitcher of water on the table

and | just got out before he could throw it.

(knocking at door)

Well, I‘ll be dogged.

I got the pitcher of water,

Well, you all... you all go on home

and I'll take care of this.

Take care of your nose, Cliff,

Uh...

(clears throat)

Opie, you know, uh..,

you know what we was talkin' about?

Now, I'm not goin‘ to give you and Billy any more nickels

for playin' nice, you hear?

Really, Paw?

We'll give back the nickels

you already gave us.

No, no.

You just keep them.

That's a mighty cheap price

for Iearnin' that what looks like rasslin' to one

is dancin' to another.

You want Billy and me to dance, Paw?

No, I want you to have fun any way it's fun to you.

And the Boones, too.

(whistling)

Howdy, Jennie.

Now what do you want, Sheriff?

Uh, mind if! come in?

Come on in.

I can't stop ya.

All right.

Sheriffjust dropped in

for a little visit, dear.

That's nice, dear.

Well, now, that's not exactly the way it is,

Actually... actually, I had a purpose in comin' over.

I been studyin‘ about how good y‘all have been gettin' along

for the last ten days

and, well, Ijust don't see any point in us continuin’

our momin‘ trainin' sessions.

In fact, I thought itjust be fittin' and proper

if we had a little graduation ceremony.

I brought a little sweet cider here

for us to celebrate with.

I'll get us some glasses.

Suit yourself, Sheriff,

That's right.

Say what you have to say, Sheriff

and get on with it.

All right.

My friends, we are gathered here this evenin'

to mark the beginnin' of a new life.

A life of peace and quiet and gettin' along.

The beauty and joy of which you now know

and I‘m sure ain‘t never goin' to forget,

It ain't no more than fittin', then,

that we express our appreciation.

To you, Jennie, who made all this possible

when you stopped needlin'

and ridin' and railin'

and harassin‘ and naggin' poor old Fred here.

Now, hold on a minute, Sheriff.

I never did

all that much naggin'.

Well, I‘m sorry, Jennie.

Uh, to you then, Fred

who made all this happy life possible

when you stopped comin' home

all mean and nasty and awful.

Now hold on, Sheriff.

I may have come home out of sorts from time to time

Now, look here, Jennie, I may have been bad

but I wasn‘t the worst.

Meanin' l was, I suppose, dear.

Well, you didn't help matters much, dear.

And I suppose you did, dear,

with your meanness and nastiness and...

-Orneriness? -...crnen'ness.

-If I was, it was your naggin' and, and your.., -Snivellin‘?

.,.snive|lin' that made me like that.

Snivellin'? Why, you, you..,

Blackhearted buzzard?

.,.blackhearted buzzard!

Blachear.,.?l Why, I'd rather be a buzzard

than a naggin', snivellin' old...

fishwife?

Fishwife!

-Fishwife? -You heard me!

Oh, you mean ol' coot—

you old battle-ax, don't you call me—

-Uh... uh, Fred... -|'|| call you anything I want.,.l

Hey, Fred, you and Jennie!

I'm leavin' now.

Bye.

Nice to have seen you, Sheriff.

Come back again soon, Sheriff,

Bye.

If you as much as open your big mouth to me,..!

Don‘t you ever call me...

(argument continuing)

(pottery breaking)

What do you think?

Golly, you look pretty as a picture in them pajamas.

Pajamas? This is a Judogi outfit.

-Judogi? -Yeah. It‘s judo training clothes.

0h. Huh.

Where'd you get that?

In a Japanese war surplus store?

I sent away to Professor Matsumato for it.

-0h. -Makes all the difference in the world, you know?

Right in here.

(karate yells)

What's that mean?

(imitates karate yells)

That's what you do when you start.

0h.

What's that?

Come on, I'll show you,

Look. Now stab me again,

only this time, come in like that.

Like that?

Yeah. I'll show you what I'm going to do,

This is new. Now, do it in slow motion.

This is new?

Yeah. Slow motion Readjfl

(karate yell)

(imitates karate yell)

-Yeah? -Yeah.

-0kay. -Okay, go ahead. (karate yell)

Okay, ready?

Uh-huh.

Dropped it right out of your hand,

Right out of my hand, that's a pretty good trick.

Yeah. Okay, Ithinkl got the knack of it now.

Let's give her a real try.

Well, don't you think you ought to practice

maybe one more time?

What for? I got it down pat.

Come on.

Well, what if I cut you?

You won't cut me. Okay, ready?

Mm-hmm,

(karate yell)

(moans loudly)

Darn you, Andy!

(whistling sprightly tune)