Original subtitles

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

(laughs)

Well‘ there we go, Sheriff.

Floyd!

-Oh! What, whai's, what's ihe mat‘ler’? -My sideburns.

Your sideburns? What's lhe mal‘ler with your sideburns?

Why. they‘re both even.

They‘re both even?

(mumbling)

Well, I‘ll be dogged!

How'd that happen?

Well, Ideclare, Floyd,

I believe you're getting the hang of it.

Look at that.

They’re the right length and everything.

| knowjust what...

I‘ve got a better idea...

(mumbling)

If we always...

there you are, you see.

Now I’ll out 'em just like that all the time, look.

Right here. right here.

That’ll be your mark, Andy.

lappreciate that, Floyd.

Now, that‘s what I call personalized service.

How about a little witch hazel?

Why not?

Sheriff! Oh, I sure am glad I found you.

Boy, have I been doing some detecting.

Have you really?

I sure have.

You want to hear about it?

Well. wait, wail, Floyd, Floyd, Floyd,

Being in public office and all,

I don't dare get too adorable,

Andy, listen.

Wait a minute.

If you got a little talcum powder

I could use a little of that.

What is it, Barney?

You know that still we've been suspecting?

-The one up at Hawk's Point? -Yeah.

Well, Ijust come that close to knocking ilover.

-No. You come that close? »Yeah. Yeah.

Well, what happened?

Well, I couldn't find it.

How‘d you know it was that close?

Well, because I seen Otis Campbell walking up the road

towards Hawk's Point and he seemed just fine.

But about an hour later,

I seen him coming back on that same road,

and this time he was weaving and singing

and throwing kisses to the world.

Your not being a law man I don't suppose

that wouldn't mean a whole lot to you,

Barney, you know, you might have just pinpointed

the area we're looking for.

You really think so?

Well, Iwouldn't be surprised.

Well, then, come on!

Let‘s get up there and spread out a dragnet.

Well, now, wait a minute, here.

I got an obligation to Floyd.

It's fine to catch a moonshiner,

but it still ain't right for me to leave the barber

until he's officially removed the towel.

Right, Floyd?

(both laughing)

Make it snappy, Floyd,

| just know that still's out there.

Oh, there's the sheriff.

Good!

Let‘s go in.

Jennifer!

You will be the death of me yet.

How many times must I tell you?

A lady never goes into a barber shop.

I'm sorry, Clarabelle.

I keep forgetting.

It's just that the odor of witch hazel draws me.

Jennifer, you have got to control yourself.

But we‘ve got to tell the sheriff what we know.

Well, we will.

We'll wait outside for him.

Morning, ladies... Miss Jennifer, Miss Clarabelle.

Andy, what a pleasant surprise.

Yeah, how about that.

You just had a haircut. didn't you?

Well, yes, ma‘am, I did.

I can smell the witch hazel.

Jennifer.

Uh. did you ladies by any chance

want to talk to me?

Well, yes. in your official capacity.

Oh, well, in that case...

there, I guess I'm official.

Me, too. What's on your mind?

Well, we know the whereabouts

of a moonshine still.

Well, we appreciate that, ladies

but I'm afraid you're a little late.

We already know about that still.

We're on ourway to Hawk's Point now

to knock it over.

But it isn't at Hawk's Point.

Nowheres near.

Ain‘t that cute, Andy?

Them trying to tell us where it is?

Less than an hour ago l was that close to it.

But we saw it.

The way I spotted her

I seen Otis Campbell stagger down the road singing.

-Well, being a trained crime detector, why, I... -Barney,

Barney, Barney, Barney.

I believe Miss Clarabelle said something

that we ought to listen to.

What was that again, Miss Clarabelle?

I said, we saw the still with our own eyes.

I believe that's closer than you was, Bamey,

Well, it is if

Now, are you sure you really saw it?

Oh, yes. It was up on Council Flat.

The man’s name is Ben Sewell.

He owns a potato farm about half a mile down Ash Road.

He was wearing blue overalls,

a brown felt hat, a red plaid shirt,

and he was pouring and coming the bottles himself,

Well, Andy, we can't go traipsing off

on flimsy information like that.

Well, now, after all, Deputy Fife,

we are servants of the people,

and when two respectable citizens,

like the ladies here,

report a crime, why, it‘s our duty to act on it,

Ladies, Iwant you to know the law thanks you.

We like to see justice done.

Don't think we’re old-fashioned, Sheriff.

We believe a body has a right to a nip, now and then.

But it should always be for an occasion

is what we believe.

Come, Jennifer.

(inhaling deeply)

Jennifer!

Bye!

Bless her heart.

If this tip pans out,

I believe I'll get her a bottle of witch hazel

all to herself.

(humming)

There it is, Barney.

The Morrison sisters is right.

That sure is old Ben and he sure is runnin' a still.

-Yeah, you know what I bet happened? -What?

I bet he seen I was closin’ in on him up at Hawk's Point.

Quick as a flash, he moved the whole shebang over here.

I guess you don't bet that's what happened, huh?

Well, what‘s the difference?

Main thing is, we got him,

Yeah, well, let‘s, uh, let's, uh...

let‘s go in shootin’.

Now, easy, Barney.

That's old Ben; he's a friend of ours.

There ain't no call to go shootin' at old Ben,

We'll just move in and take him easy like.

Come on.

Howdy, Ben!

I say, Ben, you got company!

We...

(gunshot)

(gunshot)

Don‘t go shootin' at old Ben, huh?

Well, ain't that better

than him shootin' at did us?

Hey, Ben!

It's me, Andy Taylor!

And me, Barney File!

You better give up, Ben,

or I‘m gonna come in and get ya.

0h, Andy? That’s you and Barney?

Come on, glad to see ya,

I'm sorry I shot at ya, boys.

I thought you's the law.

What do you think this is, a Boy Scout badge?

I meant that mean law, federal men, revenuers.

0h. .

Hey, how 'bout a nip?

I got some aged stuff back yonder

pert a‘near three weeks old.

Yeah, well, I appreciate it, Ben.

That sounds awful good, but I‘m afraid we’re on duty.

You are?

Yeah, we're makin' an arrest.

-Sure enough, who you arrestin'? -You.

Me? What would you be arrestin' me for?

Oh, now, Ben, you know mnnin' a still's

against the law.

Sure, it is...

against the federal law, but you're local law.

Now, Ben, it’s against the law period.

Now, this is a dry county

and I‘m supposed to keep it that way,

Oh, Andy.

| just want to warn you, prisoner,

anything you say/ll be held against you.

Let‘s take him in, Sheriff.

Let's go, Ben.

And so, ladies, the Mayberry Sheriff‘s Office

officially thanks you

for your valuable information and cooperation

in the apprehending of the violator, Ben Sewell.

Well, we were glad to help, Sheriff.

Anyways, ladies, wejust wanted to let you know

you can rest easy now 'cause me and Sheriff Taylor

has wiped out moonshining in this county for good,

Oh, I don't think so.

You don't?

No.

Do we, Jennifer?

No, indeed.

We have reference to the still

that Rube Sloan is operating at Furness Crick.

Rube Sloan's operating a still?

Well, that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of.

How would you know that, anyways?

Oh .. we take walks and we see things,

Well, they was right about Ben Sewell.

Maybe we‘d be smart to pay old Rube a visit,

Much obliged to you, ladies.

Well, we better get on with business.

Bye.

é‘é’, «22%; 5‘ east".

Bye.

Well, shall we get back to our work, Jennifer?

Oh, by all means, Clarabelle.

All right, halt.

Tum around.

Reach.

Barney, you already frisked him twice.

I know, Andy. We can't be too careful

with two moonshiners in here.

There‘s liable to be a jail break.

Two moonshiners?!

Ben Sewell!

So itwas you tipped 'em off.

You no—good squealer...

Hey, Rube, Rube, Rube.

That rough stuff don‘t go in here.

We don't allow it.

Ben.

Now, now the fact is

neither one of you told on the other.

Then how come you know about us?

Well, now I'm afraid

that‘s something I can't tell you, Rube,

No, it wouldn't do to tell you that.

Barney, how about you telling us?

Are you joshin'?

You know it’s against the code of the law man

to divulge his source of information.

Well, wild horses couldn't drag that out of me.

-Was it Frank Watkins? -Rube, don't even try.

Les Peterson.

You're just wastin' your breath.

Well, will you tell me HI guess right?

You ain‘t gonna get nothin' outta me—

not a word, not a sign,

Joe Richards.

Let me see now.

They ain‘t been anybody else up at my place lately

‘ceptin' those Morrison sisters, and...

The Morrison sisters!

That’s who it was, wasn't it?

It was the Morrison sisters.

Darn you, Rube Sloan.

Yeah, they's the ones, Rube.

Them nosy biddies.

Well, lcan tell you one thing, Rube.

Mayberry/d be a whole lot nicer town to live in

ifwe had more fine, honest, upright citizens

like Clarabelle and Jennifer Morrison.

Yes, sir.

That'll be four dollars, Otis.

Four dollars?

I can get R from Ben Sewell for three.

Oh, I don't think so.

No, indeed.

What do you mean? Why not?

He's in the jail.

Sheriff put him there this morning.

0h.

Well, then I‘ll get it from Rube Sloan.

What’s the matter, Sheriff catch him, too?

Sheriff Taylor is right on the job.

Right on the job!

Why don‘t he spend his time putting down crime

instead of destroying good liquor?

How come you didn't get caught, too?

(oaSPS)

Why, Otis Campbell,

you know we're not like them.

They sell moonshine for drinking purposes

and that is wrong.

We sell elixir for celebrations.

And for special occasions.

By the way, just what occasion

you buying this for?

Uh, uh, well, uh, uh... l.., my...

No occasion, no nippin'.

Bu—bu—bu... ah, da, um...

Do you, do you know, uh...

Do you know what day

Sir Walter Raleigh first landed in Virginia?

No.

Todaj/s the day.

We celebrate.

Well, I guess we could call that

a special occasion, Clarabelle.

Oh, well, I suppose so.

Oh, all right.

Otis...

mind you just don't use that

for plain drinking now,

Happy Sir Walter Raleigh Landing Day!

J' Well, I'm goin' down that road feelin' bad, Lord I

I Yes, I'm goin’ down that road feelin' bad I

I Yes, I'm goin’ down that road feelin' bad, Lord, Lord I

I And I ain't gonna be treated this a-way J‘

I Well, they feed me on cornbread and peas, Lord I

I Feed me on cornbread and peas J‘

I Yes, they feed me on cornbread and peas, Lord, Lord I

I And I ain't gonna be treated this a-way I

I Oh, down in the jail on my knees, Lord I

I Down in the jail on my knees I

I Down in the jail on my knees, Lord, Lord I

I And I ain't gonna be treated this a-way. I

How'd you like that, boys?

Andy, when are we gettin‘ out of here?

Oh,.. you don't like my singin'?

Well, I guess itjust takes some folks longer to get used to it

than it does others.

You just stay awhile and it'll grow on you.

We got to stay in here till we like your singin'?

Well...

We like it, we like it!

Is that from the heart?

-Mm-hmm! —Mm-hmm!

(laughing)

Well, I reckon 48 hours is about enough time.

I reckon we can just let 'em out on probation, all right, Deputy?

Yeah.

Okay.

We'll see you, Rube.

Write ifyou get work.

Don't reckon these fellas can do any harm

now that their stills is out of commission.

You mean you smashed 'em?

To smithereens!

Took a great big ex and pow! Pow! Pow!

What did you do that for?

Why, I made that still with my own hands,

She was my masterpiece.

Oh, well, now, I'm, I'm sorry, Ben

but the law says if we find a still

it's our duty to bust her up.

And that‘s what we done.

Took a great big ex and pow! Pow! Pow!

Maybe there's a little piece of copper tubing left

to sort of remember her by,

Not even that.

You might as well face it~ we've clamped the lid

on moonshinin' in Mayberry for good,

and it's gonna stay clamped, right, Sheriff?

Right, Deputy.

Yeah. And don't try to start it up again

because if you do we'll just be back with our ax

and pow! Pow! Pow!

Uh... I believe he got the message, Barney,

Yeah, well, I hope so.

We'll see you, Ben.

(chuckles)

Well, moonshinin‘s dead in Mayberry.

(drunkenly): Howdy, Sheriff.

There's my tine.

Don't forget to wake me up Monday.

That's the beginning of National Potato Week

and I want to celebrate.

He's been drinking!

Yeah, I'd, I‘d say that.

Well, where'd he get it?

We clamped the lid down.

Well, Deputy Fife,

I guess that lid we clamped has just sprung a leak.

Bye!

Happy Mohammed's birthday!

I had no idea there were so many Moslems in Mayberry.

I could have sworn Lars Hansen was a Lutheran.

Just shows, it it wasn't for their holidays

you'd never know.

Well, speaking of holidays,

don‘t you think we'd better make up another batch?

We won‘t have enough elixir for National Potato Week.

Now, that‘s real good thinking, Jennifer.

You know, you have a good head on your shoulders.

If only you weren't so boy-crazy.

All right, come on.

We'll make some more mash right now.

Why, Opie!

Opie Taylor, you come out of there.

What you doing here?

I wanted to ask a favor,

but Paw says I shouldn't bother people.

What is it, Opie?

Well, I guess it doesn't happen when you're nice ladies,

but when you‘re a bad boy in school

you sure get in trouble.

The teacher gets real mad at you.

And you know what happens when the teacher gets real mad?

You don't get to go out

and play ball during recess.

Oh, that's awful.

What can we do to help?

Well, if I was to bring the teacher some pretty flowers,

maybe she'd get un—mad.

And you got the prettiest flowers in town.

Well, you just help yourself.

Take all you want to.

Only, just don't bother to go into the hothouse.

Those are special flowers

you wouldn't want to bother with.

Come on, Jennifer.

The trouble I'm in with Miss Johnson

I could use special flowers.

All right, Otis, now, this is your last chance.

You tell me where you got the stuff or else.

Come on, tell!

Now, Otis, I mean business.

You tell me where you got that moonshine.

Wherever you got it,

it sure stays with you a long time, don't it?

You mightjust as well give up, Barney.

I ain‘t a-gonna tell.

Andy, you talk to him.

Well, now, Barney,

I doubt that Otis is gonna do any talking.

He seems mighty set on not helping us.

lwished I could, Andy.

But it's a matter of ethics.

Us town drunks have a code we live by.

Well, I guess we got to respect a man's code.

Might as well lock him up, Barney.

We'll have to find that still by ourselves.

Come on, Otis.

Say, listen, Otis...

Otis, couldn't you just give us a little hint?

You wouldn't have to say anything.

Just point us in the general direction.

What do you say, Otis, old buddjfl

Stubborn mule!

Paw, look what I got!

0h, hi, Ope, they‘re pretty flowers.

I got 'em from the Morrison sisters.

ANDY: That's nice. Why don't you just take ’em on home?

But they're for the teacher.

Well, take ‘em to your teacher, then.

But I want a nicer vase than this old jar.

It smells funny.

ANDY: Well, there's a vase

in the back room that you can have.

You just take that and don't bother me.

Thanks, Paw.

All right.

Nice flowers.

Yeah.

Barney, look here.

We're just gonna

have to comb the entire area.

Maybe deputize a few fellas

if you can find a few non-drinkers.

Full-scale operation, I'd say.

Where you reckon we ought to start?

Well, ain't no use in goin' over to Council Flat.

We already got Ben's still over there.

Well, what about, uh...

what about, uh, Fancy Gap?

Yeah...

Yeah, there‘s a...

There's a lot of holes and hollers around there

a fella can hide...

hide something in.

(clears throat)

Ain't they pretty, Paw?

Yeah, they're nice.

The Morrison sisters grow nice flowers.

Yeah, and I know why, too.

They got a flower-making machine.

ANDY: Now, Barney, I believe we'll deputize

Alderman Roe and Reverend Akin,

and a few non-drinkers

like that while...

A flower—making machine?

Sure, they got it in their hothouse.

I seen it.

(laughs)

Opie, I believe you're mistaken.

Machines don't raise flowers.

That’s mother nature's job.

Well, they got a machine to help.

That's cute, huh?

Flower-making machine.

ANDY: Hey, Opie...

What kind of machine? What's it look like?

Well, it's a big, round copper pot

with a fire under it,

and there's a pipe that curls round and round like this

and runs into a little bucket.

Bye, Paw.

(chuckles) That don‘t sound like a flower-making machine to me.

Sounds more like a still.

Everybody knows the big, round copper pot

with a fire under it and a lot of coil...

You know what that smells like?

Smells a little bit like liquor, don't it?

Oh, ladies, you certainly have been naughty.

Naughty?! Criminals is what they are, Sheriff!

They're criminals!

Now, easy, Barney.

Why, we aren't the criminals.

It‘s the moonshiners are the criminals.

They been selling it

for drinking purposes.

What do you think people do with your stuff?

Soak it in bread and eat it?

Our elixir is sold

only for celebrations and special occasions.

Uh, what kind of occasions?

Oh, you know, Christmas and New Year‘s and Fourth of July...

And there are a lot of other occasions, too.

There‘s National Potato Week, that's coming up.

And there's Panama Canal Day and Bastille day.

You see, National Potato Week and Panama Canal Day

and Bastille Day and all of those

well, they‘re not, they‘re not what you'd call

legally recognized holidays.

And this booze you been selling ain't legally recognized, either

so I got to take this ax and pow! Pow! Pow!

Sheriff, you mean those men all lied to us

just to buy our elixir?

That's right.

And they‘ve been buying not for special occasions

butjust for plain guzzling?

Yes, ma'am.

Lord...

Can you imagine?

Well, Sheriff, I guess the only thing to do

is go right ahead, do your duty.

Pow, pow, pow?

Wait just a minute, Barney.

Ladies, Miss Clarabelle, Miss Jennifer...

Well, I guess it's all right to have a l'ntle taste.

After all, it is National Still-Smashing Day.

Morning, ladies.

You, uh, lookin' for me?

Yes, Sheriff.

We came to tell you about our new business.

And to give you a free sample.

New business?

You didn't put that still together again, did you?

Oh, my, no.

But you see, we had all the berries and the jars...

and, well, we decided to put up preserves.

Preserves is good for celebratin‘ occasions, too.

Yes.

We left a jar inside with Barney

and I hope you enjoy this.

Ah, well, thank you kindly, ladies.

And I'm happy that you saw the error of your ways

and that you’re in

a respectable, upstanding business now.

Thank you.

Bye.

-Bye. Bye. -Bye.

Well, Barney, | see you're trying

the Morrison sisters' preserves.

I believe these are just about the best preserves

I ever ate.

Barney, I got a feeling their rehabilitation

ain‘t quite complete.

(whistling sprightly tune)