Original subtitles

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

Howdy‘ Floyd.

Hey, what do you gm there?

Well, ifs gettin' close m Founder‘s Day again,

Can I put you down

for a little ad in the program?

Have I got a choice?

Well, ll's for a good cause.

Uh, I'll make it the usual:

"Compliments of Floyd's Tonsorial Parlor."

Is that all right?

Well‘ I kinda thought this time, Andy

that I'd like to add something,

a little slogan.

Yeah?

I made it up myself,

"Best Clip Joint in Town."

That‘s clever.

Oh, well, | just wanted to

liven up the festivities.

What‘s itgonna be this year, Andy

the usual street dance?

Oh, yeah, we'll have a street dance

and the booth sales and the pieeatin' contest

and the white elephant sale

and free watermelons, such as that.

Sure do wish we could think up a new idea

lor the grand finale, though,

I declare, folks are gettin’ tired

of the mayor‘s wife n'din' out on that horse

and singin’ all that opera stuff.

Well, it's not bad.

It ain't? I declare

it you wasn't lookin'

you couldn‘t tell

whether it was her singin'

or the horse whinnyin’.

oh, why.. . Hello, mayor.

Well, Iguess I better get back

to, uh, collectin’.

Now wait a minute, hold on there.

Everybody certainly is lookin’ fonuard to your w'rle's song.

Well, I'm not.

You mean, uh...

you'd like a new grand finale, too?

Andy, if she rides out on that horse

and lights into hollerin' one more time

I'm gonna bust a gusset.

Well, how would you like to bring that up

at the council meetin' this afternoon?

Not only would I like to, I insist.

Well, I'll see ya then.

Good luck at home.

Oop! I've got it!

How about fireworks?

That always makes for a slam-bang finish.

Say, that's a terrific idea, Floyd.

That’s the best idea we've had yet.

Thank you.

There‘s just one problem, Mayor.

If we use the fireworks now

want that take the edge off

the Fourth of July celebration?

That’s right, uh...

that would take it off.

No, bad idea, Floyd.

Well, if you don't like that idea

-I got another idea. -Yeah?

Do you know how we always do a pageant

showing the founding of MayberrW

Well, how about with that

we also have a beauty pageant?

Beauty pageant-- you mean, with girls?

Uh, well, they help.

(laughing)

Well...

AN DY: Well, that sounds pretty good.

I think that sounds real cute.

It's an outstanding idea, yeah.

ELLIE: That would be kind of fun.

That’s a good idea. That's the best idea yet, a beauty pageant.

That's a brilliant idea, Floyd.

Then it’s agreed, we'll have a beauty pageant

to select a "Miss Mayberry."

Yeah, that‘s good.

Fine, fine. And now we get down

to the important matter of selecting a judge.

And I'm sure you'll all agree

he must be tair-minded. impartial

and a man of sound judgment.

I know just the man, mayor.

A man who is single

and can therefore be completely impartial.

A man who can appreciate true beauty.

A man of sensitivity, taste, mature judgment.

I hereby nominate such a man-—

Sheriff Andy Taylor.

(agreeing enthusiastically)

That's the man for it!

That‘s the one right there!

Well now, folks

Imean, Idon‘t think I'm qualified.

Golly, l, lthink all girls are beautiful.

(all laughing)

Well, Miss Walker

I certainly do want to thank you

tor that nomination.

That was mighty generous.

Don‘t mention it, Sheriff.

It‘s no more than you deserve

Just hope it won't be too obvious.

What?

It don't have to be, though.

Now you just do the right thing when I call your name.

What are you talking about?

Look surprised.

What?!

Just like you‘re doing right now,

That'll be fine.

What are you getting at?

Oh, come on now, Ellie.

Now, you can fool the mayor and the rest of 'em

but I know what you had in mind.

And it’ll be all right, I‘ll pick you.

Uh, just a minute,

Are you implying that I suggested you

as judge for the beauty contest

in order to make me the winner?

Yeah, yeah. Now, if anybody asks you

say it just like that!

And you think that's why I nominated you?

Of all the nerve.

Of all the unmitigated gall!

Let me tell you something.

If you think that's the reason

I suggested you as judge

you've got less brains than I gave you credit for

you horrid, suspicious-minded

mistrustful cynic!

Well, that was a good story, Ellie,

Tell me another one.

I had no intention of entering that beauty contest

and even itl did, the mere idea

that I wanted you judge

in order to make me the winner

is the lowest, meanest, foulest accusation

I ever heard!

And you ought to be ashamed of yourself

for even thinking such a thing.

Judge Taylor!

Ellie, |, l...

Girl really does tell some funny stories.

And I thought I was doing

the right thing, Aunt Bee

but, golly, she turned on me like a swam of geese.

Oh, Andy, even if a thing like that was true

you shouldn‘t have said anything to her.

Where was your tact?

Well, she still had no reason

to get so hoppin‘ mad.

All I can say is, you better get her into the contest

or you'll have a time

finding a likely Miss Mayberry.

Well, how am I gonna do that?

Oh, ldon't know.

It just doesn't seem right

Ellie not being in a beauty contest

a pretty gilt like her.

I never passed up one when l was her age.

Gosh, Aunt Bee, I bet if this contest

was three or four years ago, you could win it.

Oh, now, Opie, come along,

(knocking at door)

Wonder who that can be?

I don't know.

Why, Henrietta Swanson

what brings you over here at this hour?!

Oh, hello, judge!

(laughing pleasantly)

Oh, I just came over

to borrow a cup of sugar,

You walked clear across town just for that?

Oh, we didn't mind.

.Weu?

Come in, Darlene.

Darlene, you walk in

and get the sugar.

Yes, mama.

Darlene, the kilchen's right through that door

it that's what you're g ropin‘ for.

What‘s the matter with her, Pavfi

Oh, I don't know, Opie.

I guess she‘s just one of those girls

that’s got a peculiar hitch in her git-a-long.

Henrietta, why don't you sit down?

Well, yeah, you must be tired

walkin’ clear across town for a cup of sugar.

Oh, I never get tired when I'm out walkin'

with my award-winnin’ daughter.

Award-winnin'?

She's been going to Miss Wellington‘s

school for girls~ in Raleigh.

0h!

She was voted

"Young lady most likely to become charmin'."

Well, say, becomin‘ charmin'

now that is something to look forward to, ain't it?

We think Miss Wellington's done wonders for Darlene.

Do you know, at the age of 19 she’s lost all her baby fat?

I noticed that.

I noticed that right off

when she come in through the door there.

I says to myself, I says. "That Darlene's knees

ain't near as puffy as they used to be."

Mama, lfound the sugar.

Oh, isn't she charmin'?

I can't hardly stand it.

Oh, ljust happened to think.

As long as we‘re here

we might as well sign Darlene up

tor the contest.

Well, now, the mayor‘s doin’ that,

I'm just the judge.

Oh, then we'll go see the mayor.

Come along, Darlene.

Mama, do we still have to take the sugar?

Come, dear.

Why, Barbara Sue!

Hello, Andy!

Here's the peat moss you ordered

from my daddys store,

Since when did you start deliverin'?

I just happened to be passing by,

And I thought I'd save daddy a trip,

Well!

Well, that’s mighty nice, Barbara Sue.

Here, let me take it.

Oh, it's not heavy,

Where would you like it?

In the shed— it's through the kitchen,

Oh, all righty,

Well, I can‘t give her much for pretty, but, I declare

I got to give her points for muscles.

Well, that’s two contestants.

Can't brag on either one of 'em, much.

I know who ought to win

if you want to choose the prettiest gift in town.

Who?

Mary Wiggins.

Mary Wiggins?

She's the prettiest girl in the first grade.

Oh, she is?

Yeah, she's got freckles and braids

and a bandage on her knee and a tooth out

and all the boys in the first grade

are crazy about her.

I can understand that, she sounds wow.

I think you better

get Ellie in this contest.

It‘ll solve all of your problems,

(rin95)

Hello?

Yes, ma’am, you heard right,

I'm a-judgin' it,

I still say, get Ellie.

Uh, yes, ma‘am.

You ought to look at Mary Vlfiggins

before you turn her down, Paw,

(knocking at door)

There‘s another one. Get Elliel

What about Mary, Paw?

Is this the way it's gonna to be?

Lord, what did I get into?

Yes, ma’am.

Yes, yes, ma‘am.

Well, I don't care if you voted for me for sheriff or not.

I'll not promise to crown your daughter Miss Mayberry,

Just enter her in the contest.

Everybody‘s eligible, you know.

No, ma‘am.

If your daughters worthy I'll pick her.

If she's not, I won't.

Now, if you'll 'scuse me, I‘m kinda busy,

There's more to sheriffin'

than justjudgin' a beauty contest,

‘Bye, ma‘am.

That’s the 14th call I’ve had today.

Only one's been sheriffin' business.

Not to mention a parade of proud mamas

comin' in with their little darlin's all day long,

Now, don't you let ‘em push you around, Andy,

You‘re the judge.

You make up your own mind.

My wife and l were just talking,

"Andy's got to make a free, fair choice," we said.

Well, now, that‘s a breath of fresh air,

I can tell you that.

You won't get any pressure from us, Andy.

We don't care which of our three daughters you pick,

Well, now that leaves the field wide open, don't it?

You're a good man, you got the job.

Don‘t let 'em

push you around.

Mayor!

You're the one.

You got it.

Take care of it.

Sarah? Sarah, get me Walker's Drug Store.

Judgin' a beauty contest.

I must of been out of my ever lovin' mind.

Uh, Ellie, Ellie.

This is Andy.

Uh, Ellie, first, I want to say

that, that I‘m sorry for accusing you unjustly,

Now, I apologize for that

and, second, I wished you'd change your mind

about entering this beauty contest,

'Cause it'll make it a whole lot easier

for me to pick a winner

after some. some of the candidates I've seen.

And third, hello?

Hello?

Well, thanks a lot, Miss Lady Druggist,

Now, you just wait till you want a favor from me

and see if I come and help you out.

Oh, ‘bye, Ellie,

Well, Miss... Miss Bishop.

Hello, Andy.

Andy, we've been friends for a long time.

Could I talk to you?

Well, certainly.

It‘s about that beauty contest,

Uh, Miss Bishop, you don't want me to pick you

Miss Mayberry, too, do you?

For goodness sake, Andy, no,

| just thought maybe I could help out,

-Help out? -l've done it in the past, you know,

I could help put on the Founder's Day Pageant

I could make costumes and all kinds of things.

Well, Miss Bishop, that is a real generous offer.

Hello, Andy.

Oh, howdy, Floyd,

I'm going to do my part for Founder's Day.

I’m going to write a song,

A song?

A special song to be sung to the triumphant Miss Mayberry,

Well, Floyd, I think that's a outstandin' idea.

Well, thank you very much,

And I've alreadythought up the first two lines.

(clears throat)

Hail to thee

Miss Mayberry.

Floyd, you know what you got there?

You have got you the beginnings of a masterpiece.

You really think so?

I know so.

Thank you very much.

Now, I’m going to work day and night

until I get this thing finished.

J' Hall, hail to thee J‘

J' Hail... J‘

You really like it, huh?

,,.this'll be done, thanks.

Oh, Tom, that's wonderful, thank you,

When I’m in the midst of production

I sure need my coffee,

Now, ready, everybody!

Stand a little farther back, please

I can see somebodys foot,

Now, let's do that opening, once again

with a little more feeling,

Remember, this is an historic occasion~

the Founding of Mayberry!

Ready?

(playing "Rule Britannia" very slowly)

Halt!

I said, "Halt."

Full many a mile have we traveled

through savage wilderness

in search of that promised land and now, we...

0h. .

Now we've found it.

Ahh, now we've found it.

Ah, full many a mile have we traveled

through savage wilderness

in search of that promised land.

And now, we have found it.

And now we have found it.

(softly): And now, we've found it.

(all groaning)

Courage. fellow wanderers

this is our land.

Here will we settle.

And |, John Mayberry shall proclaim this our land

and name it after me: John!

Mayberry!

Rejoice.

(exasperated sighs)

I said "rejoice"

but they‘re not rejoicing, Miss Bishop,

Rejoice, everybody.

ALL: Hail! Hail!

Rah!

Hail, hail.

Hail.

Oh, that was fine.

Fine.

Andy, ldidn’t know you were back there,

Oh, I stood back there a little while.

Howdy, Floyd.

I didn't know

you was such a outstandin' actor.

Floyd has generously consented

to play the title role in our Founder’s Day Pageant,

Oh, good!

Dont take off those costumes.

We still have work to do.

Bless her heart.

It really is goin’ good, Floyd.

Oh, thank you,

I also finished my Miss Mayberry song.

No, you didn‘t.

Yes, ldid. Want to hear it?

Here it is.

(to tune "0 Tannenbaum"): J' Hail to thee, Miss Mayberry J'

J' Hall to thee J‘

I All hail J'

J' Your loveliness, your majesty I

J” Brings joy to every male I

I All hail, all hail J'

I All hail, all hall I

I All hail, all hail, all... I

You like it?

Oh, oh! It'll get 'em right here.

Why, thank you very much.

Andy, I want to tell you I want to be the one

to sing that song.

At the contest? Absolutely.

I catch anybody else tryin' to sing it

l‘ll hit 'em right in the mouth,

That is your song.

Good. Now, Andy, there‘s something else

I’d like to talk to you about.

Anything in this wortd.

'Cause you know why?

You‘re being a help.

Why, you and Miss Bishop are like a ray of sunshine

in a sea of selfishness.

What do you mean?

Floyd, you wouldn‘t believe

what‘s going on.

Folks coming at me from all sides

trying to pressure me to picking their sweetheart

or daughter or cousin or whatever.

They want me to be crooked.

Don't that beat all?

What was it you want to talk to me about?

About my niece, Virginia Lee, winnin' the contest.

Floyd!

Well, gee... considerin‘ the help I've been today

on Founder’s Day and everything,

I wrote that "Miss Mayberry" song

I thought you'd g'we me special consideration.

| practically promised her that she'd win.

Well, you might as well just go back and unpromise her

‘cause I ain't going to show any partiality to anybody

and that includes you!

Well, it's a fine friend you turned out to be.

Well, go ahead, get mad at me

why should you be an exception,

I got a good mind to take back

my "Hail to thee, Miss Mayberry‘ song,

(all talking at once)

Andy!

(all talking at once)

Not yet! Not yet!

Not yet!

(all clamoring)

(sighs)

Andy!

Is there anything wrong?

You look weary.

I am weary.

Weary and disgusted.

"Pick my daughter."

"Pick mine."

"No, pick mine."

Folks in this town are behavin‘ awful.

Well, if it‘s any comfort to you

it'll be all over after tomorrow.

Hi, Paw.

I brought over Mary Wiggins

because I figured if you see how pretty she is

you'll change your mind and pick her as Miss Mayberry,

Show 'em where your tooth was, Mary.

Now, Opie...

Opie, don't bother your Paw right now.

He's trying to rest.

But, Aunt Bee...

Opie, later.

Gee, whiz, prettiest girl in town

and nobody cares.

My own kin pesterin’ and naggin' at me

over who to pick in that beauty contest,

It's a good thing you ain‘t got

a candidate you‘re pushin' to win,

But I have.

You get Ellie in that contest

you‘re not gonna have

any problems making a choice,

Aunt Bee, please!

Andy, why“ .

Now, that was number five, Miss Barbara Sue Lindsey,

Please, Sam, let's not hold things up.

Now, number six.

And number six, I'm sure you all know

is the lovely, the beauteous...

the tempestuous Josephine Pike...

my third daughter.

(faint applause)

Come, baby, come on,

Come on, baby,

Hurry up.

(chuckling)

I thought you was gonna

hold down the applause, Mayor.

Kind of keep things movin’ along.

How you gonna hold back a spontaneous ovation?

Like Lindbergh.

Now... now... uh, uh

now the final contestant is, uh.. .

number seven...

Miss Ellie Walker.

(applause)

Come, Ellie, your name‘s been called.

I hope you don‘t think this was my idea,

If you pick me

I'll never speak to you again,

That‘s all of the contestants.

And now, for the moment we've all been waiting for...

the decision of ourjudge, Sheriff Taylor.

(all applauding)

Andy, atta boy.

(enthusiastic applause continues)

Now as judge of this here contest

| wish that I could present the tale

to each and every one of you.

But as you know, in a beauty contest

there can only be one winner.

And I want you to know

that's 't's going to be a difficult decision for me.

Come on, Andy, Tell us who the winner is.

Well, lam, Sam, lam, uh, uh...

is-is the robe ready?

And the crown?

The crown‘s right here on the table, Andy.

Yeah, where’s the robe, though?

Here's the robe, Sheriff Taylor,

| just finished it,

Thank you, Miss Bishop.

Ah... (clears throat)

Folks, uh...

in order to judge a beauty contest

I think it’s good to know what beauty really is,

Now, there‘s outside beauty—

I guess we can all see that.

And then, there's inside beauty.

Sheriff, are you gonna name the winner or not?

I‘m goin‘ to, ma'am, I'm goin‘ to right now,

Miss Bishop, would you

bring up the robe, please?

Thank you.

Wait, wait, Miss Bishop.

Wait a minute.

Folks, I present to you the most logical choice,

Most obvious choice, and in fact...

the only choice.

I present to you, her royal highness

Miss Mayberry

Miss Erma Bishop.

For doing such a beautiful job of this here pageant

and forjust behaving beautifully

through the whole thing...

| crown thee

Miss Mayberry.

(people murrnuring)

(contestants wailing)

Daddy!

(wailing continues)

Andy, it was the best choice.

(wailing continues)

Well, maybe I'd better see

if I can stop this crying jag.

Uh, Floyd, Floyd?

Floyd, Floyd?

Now... now, now.

J' Oh, hall to... J‘

J' Oh, hall to thee, Miss Mayberry J'

J‘ Oh, hall to thee, oh, hall I

J' Your loveliness J‘

J' Your majesty J'

J' Brings joy to every male... I

Hey, listen to this, Floyd,

"And the climax to yesterday‘s proceedings

"came in the form of a special song forthe occasion

"written, composed and rendered

by our own Floyd Lawson."

Aw.. , that's what it said?

Said I rendered it?

Yeah, it said you rendered it,

Look here, what else it says,

It says, uh, says

"if Floyd keeps writing hit songs like this

"Mayberry might be losing a barber

but it will be gaining a composer.“

That, that's what it said, huh?

-Yep. —0h, geez. thc,

You did yourself proud, Floyd,

ANDY: Well, young ‘uns, what'd you think

of the beauty contest?

You really want to know, Paw?

Yeah.

l was disappointed.

I still think Mary here should have won.

Don't you, Mary?

Well, now, that is a right winnin' smile

you got there.

Come here, Mary,

What are you going to do, Paw?

I'll show you.

Come here.

Stand right there,

Now, let me just put the robe on you.

Floyd, you get the crown.

No, you don't have to wait at all.

Now, hold that right there.

Now...

| crown thee...

Miss Mayberry Junior.

Now, Floyd, make it official.

Huh?

Stan rendering,

Uh, uh... oh! Oh!

Oh, well, uh...

J' Oh, hall to thee J‘

I Miss Mayberry J'

J‘ Oh, hall to thee, oh, hall I

J' Your loveliness, your majesty I

J‘ Brings joy to every male, I

(whistling sprightly tune)