Original subtitles

(whistling sprightly tune)

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also sfam‘ng Don Knotrs.

Oh, howdy, Barney,

It ain’t "Howdy, Barney."

It's "Good-bye, Barney."

Barn?

What's the maner?

I'm turning in one badge ,.

one notebook...

and one pencil.

Barney, what are you doing?

I'm handing in my resignation as deputy.

That's what I'm doing.

One gun belt...

one holster...

one revolver and...

one bullet.

Well... well. now, hold on there.

Wait just a minute.

No, no, this is it, Andy.

This is it.

One whistle...

I replaced the pea in it,

but I ain‘t agonna charge ya.

Barney, well, what do you mean

you’re handing in your resignation?

Just what I said—

I’m handing in my resignation.

One tie clip... one tie...

W—w—w—well, now, whoa just a minute, now,

Now, 'lore I accept your resignation

I got to have a little explanation here.

Now, just ease back and tell me what's got into you.

Well, this is the last straw, Andy.

It's bad enough there ain‘t any deputyin‘ for me to do,

but I don't like to be teased about it.

You was, uh, you was teased?

That's right, and by your own son Opie.

Well, what happened?

I seen him do it.

I caught him red-handed.

Well, what'd Opie do?

You don’t believe it, do you?

Well, I didn't think you would.

One cap...

Well, now-- now, wait a minute.

I am bound to hear this.

Now tell me, what did Opie do?

He wrote a poem about me on the wall of the bank.

Well, what poem?

Well, I wrote il down.

I'd like to offer this as full-proof evidence.

"There once was a deputy called Fife

"who carried a gun and a knife.

"The gun was all dusty; the knfle was all rusty

‘cause he never caught a crook in his life."

Now that‘s undermining the dignity of the law.

lt-il makes out like

|-|-| never wanted to catch crooks,

and thatjust ain't so.

I'd catch ‘em in a minute,

but how am I gonna catch 'em

if there ain't any, for heaven sake?

If only somebody would just commit a crime—

one good crime!

If only somebody'd just kill somebody,

Barney!

Oh, I don't mean anybody we know.

But, well, if a couple of strangers

was to come into town, and, well, if one of them

was gonna kill the other one anyways,

he might just as well do it chere.

Yeah. Maybe-- maybe we ought to advertise,

Oh, that's right.

That's right.

Makejokes about it; make jokes about it,

ANDY: What I'm tryin' to tell you...

-Hi, Paw. -Oh, hi-- hi, Opie.

Now-now you can just go ahead

and ask him for yourself.

All right.

Uh, Opie,

Barney says there was a poem

written on the wall of the bank

and that you was standin' along beside of R

with a piece of chalk in your hand.

Yeah, but I didn't do it, Paw, honest.

Well, I believe you.

Are you pittin' your

crimedetectin' judgment against mine?

Well, Barney, l have to,

because tor one thing, Opie wouldn't lie to me.

You call that evidence?

And for another, he ain't learned how to write yet.

Well, what‘s that got to do with...?

You don’t know how to...?

One flash light.

Now, wait a minute, Barney.

Opie, tell Barney what happened.

Well, I was on my way home from school

and I saw a couple of the big fellas writin' on the wall.

When they heard you comin'

they pushed the chalk into my hand

and took off like two hound dogs

that backed into a porcupine.

That's the truth, Paw.

So help me.

Huh? That do it for you, Barney?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that does itjust fine.

Can I go now. Paw?

Yeah, go ahead, Opie.

Well, good-bye, Andy.

I'm sure gonna miss you,

you old son-of-agun.

Oh, Barney, out it out.

Now you can't be serious about resignin'.

What in the world will you do?

0h. .

|-| don't know.

I can go up to the pickle factory.

They always need a brine tester.

Now, Barney, you're blowing this thing

way up out of proportion.

No, I'm not, Andy.

No... no, I'm a man that craves action.

I reckon it's...

well, it's just in the blood,

and with nothin' for me to do around here,

well, folks just think of me as a failure--

sort of a nobody.

Oh, now, Barney, thatjust ain't so.

Folks around here think a whole lot of you.

No, Andy, my mind's made up.

Over and out, buddy.

Oh, now, Barney.

Sure am going to miss these babies.

Yeah.

Well...

good-bye, old jailhouse.

Barney Fife's...

Barney Fife's blown his last whistle.

Oh, now, Barney.

Oh, hey, Miss Rosemary.

Hello, Andy.

Well, | see you got my shirts and my judgin' coat.

Uh-huh.

Ooh, don't it look nice.

Well, thank you.

ANDY: Oh, it's just as clean, and look it there.

You lengthened the sleeves.

ROSEMARY: A whole inch.

Uh-huh. It does look nice.

Well, thank you.

And so do you.

Oh, thank you, Andy, I...

Oh. Hello, Mr. Fife.

Oh, how do, Miss Rosemary?

That's, uh, that's a nice new hat you‘re wearin' there.

I never thought you ever noticed things

a body wore, Mr. Fife.

Oh, oh, I'm a trained noticer.

I bet you think I never noticed

how you wear a different color shirtwaist

every Sunday mornin'

when I walk you to church.

Oh, well, now, a body learns somethin' new everyday.

Now I didn't know you was in the habit

of walking Miss Rosemary to preachin'.

Well, it ain‘t like I'm in the habit.

l-i-i-it‘s just that, uh...

well, uh, I pass her house on the way.

You see, her house is light on the way, so I...

l-l pass it.

And»and I walk her...

because it's on the way.

What is? Her house?

Yeah.

I, uh, l»l hope I'm not interrupting

some important policin' work, am I?

Uh...

Oh-oh—oh, no, no.

Me and Barney's just doin' a little inventory.

Yeah.

Oh I imagine there must be so much you have to do--

sheriffin‘ and... deputyin'.

(clearing throat): Well, uh...

Guess with all your responsibility

you men have to be on the job 24 hours a day.

Yeah. Yeah. Actually,

there ought to be three of us to do this job,

but me and Barney, we hold her down

the best we can, don't we, Barney?

Yeah.

Well, you people sure do make a body feel safe.

Well, we try.

'Course, I don't know how we can make 'em feel safe,

both of us just standin' around here in the office.

Looks like one of us oughta be out on patrol.

Yeah.

Oh, uh, yeah.

That's a good idea, Andy.

Why don't I, uh, just get

out there on, uh, on patrol?

Yeah, well, uh...

Oops.

Don't, uh, don't forget your bullet.

Oh, well, yeah.

Well, I'll, uh... I‘ll be seein' you, Miss Rosemary.

Bye.

Yeah.

Uh, see you, Andy.

Uh, good-bye.

Bye.

Oh, that Barney is a bird.

He kind of sweet on you, too, ain‘t he?

0h.

Well, he is, too.

I can tell by the way is he acting

and you know something else?

He ain't by hisself.

Why, you could have your pick of a dozen men.

Oh, you get away.

Well, you could.

You just keep turnin' 'em down

'tore they get a chance to ask you.

You just putting me on.

Nobodyd want me.

Well, no?

Well, how 'bout Barney Fife?

He-- he walks you to preachin' every Sunday.

'Cause it's on his way.

(chuckling)

I guess you don‘t know Barney too good, do you?

He's sweet on you, all right.

The only thing is he's just like you.

You and him arejust like two peas in a pod.

He don’t think nothing of hisself ether.

So he figures a fine woman like you

would n‘t want to have anything to do

with a nobody like him.

He's, uh, he‘s wrong, ain't he?

That’s what I thought.

Well, some of these times

Barney might fatten up his self-respect

to where he'd just up and pop the question.

Hi, Miss Rosemary.

Hi, Opie.

Uh, well, I better get going.

|, uh, I got me some pies to bake

tor Abigail Milken's party.

YOU save me one now, you hear?

Oh, l-l sure will. Bye.

Well, young tella, what can I do for you?

Paw, how ‘bout let's you and me go over to Walker’s Drugstore

and have us some ice cream sodas?

You want to?

Well, now I don't know

why that wouldn't be in order.

Opie, you know something?

What, Paw?

A good town owes its citizens

a right to keep busy.

Now, if they's a tooth dentist in town,

why, folks ought to get a toothache once in a while.

why, folks are obliged

to keep the streets just a little bit dirty.

And if they‘s a deputy sheriff,

why he ought to have a crime to work on

every once in a while.

Huh?

Oh, nothing big, nothing big—

just a nice friendly little crime.

What's that got to do with goin' over to Walker's for a soda?

Well, yeah.

Walker's Drugstore.

Why that'd dojust extra good.

Yes, sir.

Honestly, I don't know why I'm doing this silly thing.

Well, of course, you do.

It's going to do a whole lot for Barney

and help him out with Miss Rosemary.

Yes, Andy, but what if he finds out that it's only...

OF! E: Here he comes!

(siren wailing)

N-now-now let's remember, act nervous.

Yes, all right, now, let's see—

Uh, he was wearing a mask and he had a gun

and he made me open the cash register

and give him all the money.

How much was there supposed to be?

Oh... $24.

$24? Isn‘t that sort of a cheap crime?

Well, it's Barney‘s first crime

and we oughta kind of let him start

at the bottom and work his way up.

I came soon as you called, Andy.

-Miss Ellie, was you robbed? -Mm-hmm.

-Like, someone took your money? —Mm-hmm.

-Vlfithout you wanting him to? —Mm-hmm.

Came right in and held you up, did he?

Well, that's terrible.

Yes, Barney, this masked man with a gun

walked right in,

made me open the cash register and took $24.

Good for him!

I mean,

you just leave everything to me.

Oh, boy, this is the first chance I've had

to use my fingerprint kit in two years.

That's powder-- brings out the prints.

Match prints, identify suspect. pick him up, case closed.

(coughing)

Well, uh, he probably wore gloves anyway.

Don't you wony about a thing

‘cause I‘ll have that crook under lock and key in 24 hours,

or my name ain't Reliable Barney Fife.

You better keep off the streets, Ope.

Did you ever see anybody look so happy?

No. And it‘s a good thing

we didn‘t make it bigger than a 24-dollar crime.

I don't think his heart could have stood it.

No, he couldn't have stood more than $24.95.

How's that, Ellie?

No, I ain't seen Barney since early this morning.

(laughing)

No, I talked him out of it.

He ain't going to rope off the drugstore.

And he promised to have your cash register back

by closing time.

All right, you go ahead and use that drawer there.

All right.

I'll see you.

Bye.

Well, now, young fella, how was school today?

Not so good, Paw.

I had to stand in the corner twice

'cause the teacher said I wasn't paying attention.

Well, was you?

Nope.

Well, how come?

Well, l was kind of thinking

about yesterday, Paw.

You and Miss Ellie did the robbery

to help old Barney feel important enough

to court Miss Rosemary.

-Right, Paw? -Right.

Well, how's he gonna feel important

it there's no crook for him to catch?

Well, now, that‘s a right thoughtful question.

I thought of it standing in the corner.

Well, now-- now. you see, son,

it ain't only what a man does that‘s important.

It's what he accomplishes along the way.

Huh?

Well, now, you see,

suppose there really was a crook

and old Barney was to catch him.

Well, it'd be all over and done with.

But this way, Barney, he can keep busy for quite a spell.

Folks'll keep coming up to him

and they‘ll say, "Howdy, Barney.

How‘s the Walker case coming?"

And old Barney, he can rear back and he can say

"Fine, fine.

Closing in all the time, yes, sir."

See, Barney-- he‘ll have a purpose in life that way.

But, Paw, how long do you think Barney

will keep looking for a robber that you and Miss Ellie made up?

Well, now, you know Barney.

He don't give up too easy.

I expect this‘ll go on a long, long time.

Here he is, Sheriff. Here's your man.

The fella robbed Walker's drugstore.

What?

-Paw! -Now, look, Sheriff,

call off this crazy deputy.

I don't know what this is all about.

Not much, you don't.

He's our man, all right.

Told you I‘d wrap this case up in 24 hours.

But, Paw.. .

Uh, wait a minute, Opie.

Barney, what makes you so sure he's the robber?

Yeah, ask him.

He's crazy, I tell you.

Yeah? Crazy like a fox.

Don't mess with Foxy Fife.

Easiest case I ever cracked.

"Who done it?" I says to myself.

"Someone in town or a stranger?"

"A stranger," I said to myself.

Well, if it was a stranger,

then how did he get in and out of town? By car?

No one in town seen a strange car.

By airplane? We ain't got no landing field.

A boat? We ain't got no water.

So that left just one way, and that way was by freight.

Freight?

Freight.

So I went down to the tracks, and I found him

prowling around down there and here he is.

Heh. Says he's from Chattanooga.

But, Paw.. .

-Uh, Opie, uh, why don't you... -But, Paw...

Listen, why don‘t you go over to Walker‘s

-and getcha a ice cream soda. -But, Paw...

But, Paw.. .

And I'll let you know how it comes out.

-Go on, see Miss Ellie, now. -But, Paw...

MAN: All right, Sheriff,

you through with your l'ttle joke?

Now you better let me go or I’ll sue you

and this wholeth for false arrest.

You button your lip!

Everything you sayll be held against you.

Uh, uh...

Excuse us. uh, one-one second.

Don't you go anywheres.

You‘re in custody.

Now, Barney, we have to be sure

when we make an arrest.

Why don't you call the sheriff

in Chattanooga and find out who he is?

Well...

Now, Andy, there's been a robbery, ain’t there?

Well... yeah.

All right, I’m sure he‘s the one that done it.

Why don't you let me work him over?

No, no, l‘ll-l'll call his hometown

and maybe he can clear himself.

And take that gun out of your mouth.

Uh, won't you have a seat?

What for?

Sit down.

Uh, my deputy brought you in

on a charge of suspicion,

so this is... just a formality, you see.

You guys are going to get in big trouble over this.

Um... well, what...

what‘s your name, please, sir?

Crawford-- Tracy Crawford.

Crawford. All right, Mr. Crawford

I’ll just make a little phone call here

and I expect we can straighten this whole thing out.

Uh, me.

Would you get me the sheriff over in Chattanooga?

|'|l hold right on.

While we're waitin' for that call

I'm gonna question the prisoner, Sheriff.

(clears throat)

What's your name?

I told you— Crawford.

0h.

Oh, yeah, you did.

Well, uh, tell me—

how long you been, uh, planning this drugstore caper?

Oh, you don't wanna talk, huh?

Well, we got little ways of making people talk.

Barney.. .

Nice, cool water.

Kind of looks good. don't it?

You can, uh, have some if you‘ll just, uh, talk.

I ain't thirsty.

Well, uh...

Well, uh, maybe you'll talk

it | shine this light in your eye.

The battery‘s kind of weak.

Well, we got a few more tricks up our sleeve.

AN DY: Hello?

Hello, Sheriff; this is Sheriff Taylor

over in Mayberry.

Uh, listen, my deputy brought in a fella

on suspicion of robbery

and he says he‘s from over there in Chattanooga,

and | just wanted to see wasn’t he all right.

Says his name is Tracy Crawford.

He's about, oh... near about six foot tall

weighs between 165, 170 pounds

got brown curly hair and...

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

All right, all right.

Much obliged.

Well, Barney, we gonna have to drop that charge of robbery

against him.

What?!

You satisfied now?

Yeah, yeah, we gonna have

to drop that charge so we can extradite you.

Huh?

Yeah, it seems like that you're wanted

on live more serious charges

back in Chattanooga.

The sheriff over there recognized your description

and your name as one of your aliases.

Heh. Well, Barney, l'll reckon

you'll just have to lock him up

and wait for the officials to come get him.

l was right!

I got him! I did it!

A real big timer!

I got him all by myself, I did it!

All right, you, come on, let‘s go!

Get them hands outta your pockets!

Come on. Come on, move! Hup-hup»hup-hup!

Go on, get in there and suck in that gut.

Get right in that cell.

Go on. Move!

Andy, what is this Opie tells me?

-Barney... -Shh. Shh.

Barney caught the thief? What thief?

A real one.

I'll try to explain it to you, but I can't right now.

BARN EY: Prisoner’s all locked up, Sheriff.

Hi, Miss Ellie.

Andy tell you? We got your man.

He just told me.

Boy, lam proud of you.

Wait till this comes out in the paper

day after tomorrow.

Boy, you‘ll be a big man in this town.

Well, it‘s all in a day’s work.

Well, I got to get back on thejob.

It‘s a jungle out there.

And I got to hunt them down.

(playing bluegrass)

BARNEY: Andy! Andy!

Hmm?

Andy, here it is.

L-let me see it.

Let me see it!

BARNEY: “Deputy Barney Fife cracks Walker robbery."

Ooh, I wished you would look at that,

and right on the front page!

Yeah. "Nabs criminal."

That's me. A criminal nabber!

Boy, that's a good picture of you.

Women gonna flock around you

like chickens around a June bug.

You wanna double—date?

You want to?

I'm gonna take Miss Ellie

to the picture show Saturday night.

You and Miss Rosemary can go with us.

And then after the show, why, we can go down

to Snappy Lunch and get somethin' to eat

and some coffee. Want to?

Well, to tell you the truth, Andy,

I didn‘t get around to askin' Miss Rosemary

to go out Saturday night.

You didn't?

No, no. I got to thinkin’, and...

Well, now that I'm somebody in this town

after crackin‘ that crime and all,

why... why should I be in such a hurry

to tie myself down?

How-- how‘s that?

Oh, I like Miss Rosemary and all,

but why rush it?

She's been around this long.

She‘ll keep a spell longer, won‘t she?

Sort of owe itto myself to look around first.

Let me see that story again.

Good mornin‘.

ANDY: Oh, hey, Miss Rosemary.

Here's that pie I promised you, Andy.

Oh, much obliged.

Congratulations, Mr. Fife.

For what?

Oh, this.

Well, thanks.

I want you to look at that blueberry pie.

Ain't that pretty?

Ooh, and my favorite kind, too.

Miss Rosemary, you are a one

for puttin' a glow in a man's day.

I mean it.

You're always so bright and cheerful.

Well, uh, Miss Rosemary,

there’s somethin' I been wantin‘

to talk to you about for a long time,

but, well, out of respect

for my old buddy Barney here,

I been kind of holding my peace,

but, well, now I got the feelin‘

that I don't have to consider

Barneys rights in the matter

any further.

What are you tryin’ to say?

I'm sayin' it, Barney.

Miss Rosemary, you‘re a fine woman with a fine character,

and things like that’s important to a man, and...

well, l was wonderin' if you would do me the honor

of lettin‘ me call on you

from time to time.

Now, just hold on a second.

She's spoke for.

She is?

I am?

Well, why do you think

I walk her to church every Sunday/.7

I don't know-- you told me its ‘cause you pass by her house.

Not if I take the shortcut.

I been goin‘ the long way around.

You sure have.

It's only fair after all the shoe leather

l have invested in her for me to have

the first right to ask her for a date.

Well. are you askin'?

Well...

yeah.

Well!

Miss Rosemary?

Miss Rosemary, he's askin‘.

He-- he's askin', Miss Rosemary.

Miss Rosemary, this is it.

Don't mess it up.

Well, Barney,

go ahead.

Ask her.

Vifill you, Miss Rosemary?

Yes, Mr. Fife.

Well, now, ain‘t that something?

Ain't that something?

Now, you can’t tell but, what, as Justice of the Peace,

| just threw myself some new trade.

(whistling sprightly tune)