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1
00:00:00,688 --> 00:00:02,398
I'll be back late Friday night.
2
00:00:02,594 --> 00:00:04,889
I'm sorry I'll miss the
Teacher Appreciation Awards.
3
00:00:04,914 --> 00:00:06,170
Oh, no worries.
4
00:00:06,195 --> 00:00:08,127
Enjoy your animal rescue convention.
5
00:00:08,152 --> 00:00:10,531
Tell everyone in Milwaukee I saw hi.
6
00:00:11,390 --> 00:00:13,657
Not everyone, but at least
the people on the plane
7
00:00:13,724 --> 00:00:15,093
and in the hotel.
8
00:00:17,326 --> 00:00:19,093
- Love you guys.
- Love you too.
9
00:00:19,563 --> 00:00:20,859
Keep him out of trouble.
10
00:00:26,828 --> 00:00:29,796
When the dad cat's away, the mice
will play. Know what I mean?
11
00:00:29,992 --> 00:00:32,909
So I brought "Jurassic Park," "Alien,"
12
00:00:32,976 --> 00:00:35,070
"Back to the Future I, II and III,"
13
00:00:35,095 --> 00:00:36,898
and "Baby Geniuses."
14
00:00:37,349 --> 00:00:38,750
But that one's just for me.
15
00:00:38,775 --> 00:00:41,046
Cool, but I have a math test tomorrow.
16
00:00:41,071 --> 00:00:42,976
Oh, don't worry. I'll quiz
you on the way to school.
17
00:00:46,601 --> 00:00:48,234
Look at us.
18
00:00:48,265 --> 00:00:52,343
We're two wild and crazy guys!
19
00:00:52,890 --> 00:00:55,250
Christopher Walken.
20
00:00:56,728 --> 00:01:00,289
synced and corrected by susinz
*www.addic7ed.com*
21
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:04,257
So Kyle and I are making our
celebrity free pass list.
22
00:01:04,437 --> 00:01:07,177
So far I have Mark McGrath
and Carson Daly.
23
00:01:07,244 --> 00:01:08,345
Who am I missing?
24
00:01:08,411 --> 00:01:09,445
Joey Lawrence?
25
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,218
Ah, ooh, that's good!
26
00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:13,851
Or any other sad douche
who peaked in the '90s.
27
00:01:13,917 --> 00:01:15,418
Mavis, where are the staples?
28
00:01:15,486 --> 00:01:16,720
Don't have any.
29
00:01:16,786 --> 00:01:18,390
Think the copier's broken.
30
00:01:18,415 --> 00:01:20,367
No, it isn't. We just ran out of paper.
31
00:01:20,392 --> 00:01:21,703
How do we not have any paperclips?
32
00:01:21,728 --> 00:01:23,860
Mavis, the light's out
in the faculty bathroom.
33
00:01:23,885 --> 00:01:24,914
Do we have any new bulbs?
34
00:01:24,939 --> 00:01:26,453
No, but I know you have a match.
35
00:01:26,478 --> 00:01:27,960
I've been in there after you.
36
00:01:28,273 --> 00:01:30,296
I just want to attach one piece of paper
37
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to another piece of paper.
38
00:01:31,431 --> 00:01:33,539
It shouldn't be that hard.
What is going on?
39
00:01:33,564 --> 00:01:35,132
An inadequate budget.
40
00:01:35,203 --> 00:01:37,210
I'm sorry, we're S.O.L.
41
00:01:37,235 --> 00:01:38,507
If you guys need supplies,
42
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:39,812
you're gonna have to get creative.
43
00:01:39,906 --> 00:01:41,835
So what am I supposed to do
about the paper?
44
00:01:43,013 --> 00:01:45,649
Here, this is technically paper.
45
00:01:45,753 --> 00:01:46,921
Use this.
46
00:01:50,638 --> 00:01:52,398
It's too big, Mavis!
47
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,730
Jada, please keep your IBS in check.
48
00:02:00,755 --> 00:02:02,156
People are taking a test.
49
00:02:08,601 --> 00:02:09,804
Blake, wake up!
50
00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:11,164
I wasn't doing anything.
51
00:02:12,648 --> 00:02:15,421
- You were cheating?
- No, I was sleeping, like you said.
52
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:17,257
Nobody cheats on me!
53
00:02:17,687 --> 00:02:19,187
That sounded weird,
but you know what I mean.
54
00:02:19,212 --> 00:02:20,413
You're a liar!
55
00:02:20,438 --> 00:02:21,890
I'm calling your father.
56
00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:25,756
You do it for the tee-ball league.
57
00:02:25,781 --> 00:02:28,032
Consider it a similar type
of sponsorship.
58
00:02:28,057 --> 00:02:30,326
You provide supplies for my students,
59
00:02:30,394 --> 00:02:33,679
and in exchange I promise
your business in my classroom.
60
00:02:34,351 --> 00:02:38,134
I'm also highly connected
to major influencers.
61
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,046
One of my student's parents
is a tour guide a Navy Pier.
62
00:02:41,551 --> 00:02:43,750
And another one is Mike Dikta's niece.
63
00:02:44,108 --> 00:02:46,477
Whoa-oh-oh-oh.
You shoulda led with Ditka.
64
00:02:46,544 --> 00:02:47,656
Deal.
65
00:02:47,681 --> 00:02:49,296
Thank you. My students
can't thank you enough.
66
00:02:49,321 --> 00:02:52,217
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lorenzo,
what are you doing to me?
67
00:02:52,242 --> 00:02:54,016
You're killing me
with all these pepperonis.
68
00:02:54,084 --> 00:02:57,788
I keep telling you,
four pepperonis per slice.
69
00:02:57,854 --> 00:03:00,257
There's eight slices.
What does that equal?
70
00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,656
48 pepperonis.
71
00:03:03,843 --> 00:03:04,994
Oh, boy.
72
00:03:05,531 --> 00:03:06,964
Sometimes I wonder if these morons
73
00:03:07,031 --> 00:03:09,093
can even open an oven door
by themselves.
74
00:03:10,235 --> 00:03:12,668
So my people will drop
a detailed contract,
75
00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:14,500
including branding guidelines,
76
00:03:14,525 --> 00:03:18,350
and I'm looking forward to
seeing your students graduate
77
00:03:18,375 --> 00:03:20,390
with the Saucy Lawrence logo
78
00:03:20,415 --> 00:03:21,878
printed on their caps and gowns.
79
00:03:23,218 --> 00:03:24,312
Yes.
80
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,472
I'm dead serious.
81
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:26,601
Oh.
82
00:03:27,530 --> 00:03:28,570
You got it.
83
00:03:30,367 --> 00:03:32,304
So am I supposed to treat
you like a parent?
84
00:03:32,329 --> 00:03:34,921
I am a parent. Sort of.
85
00:03:35,158 --> 00:03:36,492
I can't believe he cheated.
86
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:37,710
We were all so proud of him
87
00:03:37,735 --> 00:03:39,195
for making it to the third grade.
88
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:41,351
Just in time for
his moustache to come in.
89
00:03:41,424 --> 00:03:42,591
It's my fault.
90
00:03:42,710 --> 00:03:45,301
I was trying to be a cool stepmom.
91
00:03:45,570 --> 00:03:48,257
I told him he could watch
movies instead of studying.
92
00:03:48,843 --> 00:03:50,164
Can you let him off the hook?
93
00:03:50,189 --> 00:03:51,609
You know I can't, girl.
94
00:03:51,634 --> 00:03:53,498
If I do, it'll set a bad example.
95
00:03:53,523 --> 00:03:55,078
It would be like if I ate ice cream
96
00:03:55,145 --> 00:03:56,820
in front of a woman who's a size six.
97
00:03:56,845 --> 00:03:58,953
Just this one time, please?
98
00:03:58,978 --> 00:04:00,796
Sorry, I have to give him detention.
99
00:04:00,821 --> 00:04:03,789
How am I gonna explain this to his dad?
100
00:04:03,875 --> 00:04:05,656
Just give him a blowjob
when he gets back
101
00:04:05,681 --> 00:04:07,123
and casually break the news to him
102
00:04:07,191 --> 00:04:08,425
right before he falls asleep.
103
00:04:08,491 --> 00:04:09,890
That's how I told the last guy I dated
104
00:04:09,915 --> 00:04:12,906
that I racked up 5 Gs
on his credit card at Express.
105
00:04:13,863 --> 00:04:15,429
Dude didn't bat an eye.
106
00:04:16,588 --> 00:04:17,960
But he did bust a nut.
107
00:04:19,281 --> 00:04:22,576
And as you write your answers
with your new pencils
108
00:04:22,601 --> 00:04:25,608
in your new notebooks,
remember to thank...
109
00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:36,773
Now let's put on our thinking caps
110
00:04:36,829 --> 00:04:40,166
and slice our way into long division.
111
00:04:40,562 --> 00:04:44,679
If Saucy Lawrence charges 39.96 for...
112
00:04:48,234 --> 00:04:51,796
four pineapple and ham
stuffed-crust pizzas,
113
00:04:51,945 --> 00:04:53,804
how much does each pizza cost
114
00:04:53,829 --> 00:04:56,703
during the Simmer Summer Super Sale?
115
00:04:57,437 --> 00:04:59,531
Why do we keep talking about pizza?
116
00:04:59,679 --> 00:05:02,078
I'm not talking about pizza, Rhett.
117
00:05:02,210 --> 00:05:04,247
I'm integrating pizza
118
00:05:04,314 --> 00:05:08,281
in a totally natural
and non-invasive way.
119
00:05:11,254 --> 00:05:13,890
So I now have more pencils,
pens and markers
120
00:05:13,915 --> 00:05:15,179
than I know that do to with.
121
00:05:15,304 --> 00:05:17,631
My hair constantly smells
like pepperoni,
122
00:05:17,656 --> 00:05:20,375
but, hey, beggars can't be choosers.
123
00:05:20,507 --> 00:05:22,960
Damn, I need to get hooked up like that.
124
00:05:23,078 --> 00:05:24,101
Seriously.
125
00:05:24,168 --> 00:05:25,554
Well, find your own sugar daddies,
126
00:05:25,648 --> 00:05:28,257
because Saucy Lawrence is taken.
127
00:05:29,132 --> 00:05:31,375
Hey, wait, Deb,
128
00:05:31,442 --> 00:05:33,757
do you think Vegan Vinny's
would ever sponsor me?
129
00:05:35,512 --> 00:05:37,898
Blake, Gideon, what are you doing?
130
00:05:39,387 --> 00:05:40,507
What's this?
131
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:44,351
Are you stealing Davey's homework?
132
00:05:45,754 --> 00:05:47,718
I'm calling both of your parents.
133
00:05:49,054 --> 00:05:51,228
This is my second conference this week.
134
00:05:51,295 --> 00:05:53,530
I'm clearly failing as a stepmom.
135
00:05:53,596 --> 00:05:55,531
No, you're not. Listen,
I'm in here all the time.
136
00:05:55,598 --> 00:05:57,634
You just gotta know
how to handle these teachers.
137
00:05:57,701 --> 00:06:00,304
All right, everything
they say is a suggestion.
138
00:06:00,370 --> 00:06:01,971
So when it comes to our children,
139
00:06:02,038 --> 00:06:03,890
we need to tell them what to do.
140
00:06:04,453 --> 00:06:07,414
Hi, Mary Louise. Hello, Paul.
Nice to see you again.
141
00:06:07,439 --> 00:06:08,984
Let's just get this over with.
142
00:06:09,264 --> 00:06:10,375
Okay.
143
00:06:10,515 --> 00:06:12,662
Well, I caught Gideon
144
00:06:12,687 --> 00:06:14,623
and Blake stealing
another student's homework,
145
00:06:14,648 --> 00:06:16,929
so I'm going to have
to give them both detention.
146
00:06:16,954 --> 00:06:18,456
Blake's already had detention once...
147
00:06:18,521 --> 00:06:19,956
I got this. What evidence do you have
148
00:06:20,023 --> 00:06:21,224
of this alleged theft?
149
00:06:21,290 --> 00:06:23,192
My eyes, and it's not alleged.
150
00:06:23,259 --> 00:06:25,289
I asked them if they did it,
and they both said yes.
151
00:06:25,314 --> 00:06:26,882
Is there video footage?
152
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,164
- No.
- Photos? Fingerprints?
153
00:06:29,250 --> 00:06:30,898
This is an elementary school.
154
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:32,953
Okay, so what you're telling
me is that you have no case.
155
00:06:33,085 --> 00:06:34,679
We get it, Paul. You're an attorney.
156
00:06:34,704 --> 00:06:36,805
Yes, I am, and if you're going to accuse
157
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,234
our children of something
as iniquitous as theft,
158
00:06:39,314 --> 00:06:40,890
I'm gonna expect proof.
159
00:06:43,079 --> 00:06:44,881
Are you gonna help me out here?
160
00:06:49,789 --> 00:06:52,556
I'm sorry, Caroline,
but if there's no evidence...
161
00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:55,557
This has been a colossal
waste of my time.
162
00:06:55,757 --> 00:06:57,451
You're lucky I don't bill you for this.
163
00:06:57,476 --> 00:06:58,894
Really, Mary Louise, I...
164
00:06:58,961 --> 00:07:00,863
In 25 short days,
165
00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:02,598
that boy will be my son.
166
00:07:02,665 --> 00:07:06,671
If you come for my almost-son,
you better have proof.
167
00:07:17,336 --> 00:07:18,671
Nice work yesterday.
168
00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:20,299
I didn't think you had it in you.
169
00:07:20,664 --> 00:07:22,400
This whole stepmom thing is turning out
170
00:07:22,466 --> 00:07:23,992
to be a lot harder than I thought.
171
00:07:24,017 --> 00:07:25,319
Oh, you'll get the hang of it.
172
00:07:25,372 --> 00:07:26,673
Blake's a good kid,
173
00:07:26,698 --> 00:07:28,992
and if he's acting out,
that's not your fault.
174
00:07:29,206 --> 00:07:31,601
It's these teachers. They're all hacks.
175
00:07:32,067 --> 00:07:33,236
No offense, but...
176
00:07:33,403 --> 00:07:35,081
Well, I don't think that's true.
177
00:07:35,106 --> 00:07:36,398
No, no, it is. Yeah, yeah.
178
00:07:36,671 --> 00:07:38,216
I can tell you're a good parent
179
00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:40,218
and just want what's best for Blake.
180
00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:43,109
But if you don't demand it, no one will.
181
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,593
Now remember, you are homeless children
182
00:07:48,658 --> 00:07:49,914
living on the streets.
183
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,343
Website's up and running.
184
00:07:51,368 --> 00:07:52,770
These are gonna sell like hotcakes.
185
00:07:52,809 --> 00:07:54,273
What do homeless people paint?
186
00:07:54,298 --> 00:07:56,171
Public bathrooms with their feces.
187
00:07:56,445 --> 00:07:57,757
But don't worry about that.
188
00:07:57,782 --> 00:07:59,370
Just think hungry thoughts
while you paint,
189
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,109
and we'll be able to buy
construction paper.
190
00:08:01,686 --> 00:08:04,796
A rainbow, George? Think darker, kid.
191
00:08:06,577 --> 00:08:08,195
Guess who's got paper.
192
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,781
Good for you, girl,
but you look pale as hell.
193
00:08:11,078 --> 00:08:12,850
That's because I've been donating plasma
194
00:08:12,916 --> 00:08:14,125
for school supplies.
195
00:08:14,195 --> 00:08:15,906
I've already hit up four clinics today.
196
00:08:15,931 --> 00:08:18,531
That's great, and I can
finally afford my markers.
197
00:08:18,589 --> 00:08:21,335
I don't have to do imagination
coloring anymore. Life is good.
198
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:23,476
Yeah, plasma's a renewable resource,
199
00:08:23,501 --> 00:08:26,430
so these veins are gonna
keep me stocked with supplies
200
00:08:26,497 --> 00:08:27,679
for the rest of the school year.
201
00:08:27,704 --> 00:08:29,617
I need to think of something
that I can sell.
202
00:08:29,882 --> 00:08:31,970
My most valuable asset is my hot body.
203
00:08:32,036 --> 00:08:33,875
Ugh, I wish I could sell that.
204
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:35,053
You can, dumbass.
205
00:08:35,078 --> 00:08:37,015
It's called prostitution.
206
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,039
I need to talk to all of you
about Blake.
207
00:08:39,064 --> 00:08:41,987
It's come to my attention that
you're all a bunch of hacks.
208
00:08:42,164 --> 00:08:43,898
It's not Blake's fault he's acting out.
209
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,324
It's all of yours.
210
00:08:45,397 --> 00:08:48,720
- Say what?
- Yeah, Chelsea, you're his teacher,
211
00:08:48,786 --> 00:08:51,488
and if you were actually giving
my future stepson
212
00:08:51,555 --> 00:08:53,458
the one-on-one attention he deserves,
213
00:08:53,524 --> 00:08:55,945
he wouldn't have had
detention twice this week.
214
00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:58,095
Don't be ridiculous, Mary Louise.
215
00:08:58,162 --> 00:09:00,648
You're a teacher.
You know that's not true.
216
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,433
Yeah, dude, don't be that parent.
217
00:09:02,501 --> 00:09:05,303
Well, I am that parent now, Debra.
218
00:09:05,369 --> 00:09:08,937
So you all better adjust
or suffer the consequences.
219
00:09:12,437 --> 00:09:14,278
- That was weird.
- I know.
220
00:09:14,391 --> 00:09:16,139
She called you the wrong name.
221
00:09:16,872 --> 00:09:18,500
Debra's my full name.
222
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,984
Deb is short for Debra?
223
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:23,437
Eww.
224
00:09:25,722 --> 00:09:27,203
We're open seven days a week
225
00:09:27,228 --> 00:09:28,695
from 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 a.m.
226
00:09:28,765 --> 00:09:34,562
For delivery, please call 773-555-0172.
227
00:09:34,703 --> 00:09:36,007
Great.
228
00:09:36,135 --> 00:09:40,207
Now what do you think
the author is really saying?
229
00:09:40,328 --> 00:09:42,625
The store's hours and phone number.
230
00:09:42,839 --> 00:09:44,476
Very good!
231
00:09:45,362 --> 00:09:46,890
Hey!
232
00:09:47,585 --> 00:09:49,386
If it isn't the godfather himself.
233
00:09:49,411 --> 00:09:51,924
You are legally bound to not mention
234
00:09:51,949 --> 00:09:53,852
any other franchises, Deb.
235
00:09:53,919 --> 00:09:54,945
Right, sorry.
236
00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:58,290
I thought I'd stop by
to check out my sponsorship.
237
00:09:58,357 --> 00:10:00,406
- Do you mind if I observe?
- No, not at all.
238
00:10:00,431 --> 00:10:03,261
Excellent, and I also brought you this.
239
00:10:03,328 --> 00:10:07,140
It just came in and I thought
you might want to try it on.
240
00:10:07,165 --> 00:10:08,982
No. No way.
241
00:10:09,007 --> 00:10:11,828
I just lost all the baby weight.
242
00:10:12,257 --> 00:10:13,601
That's too bad,
243
00:10:13,976 --> 00:10:16,173
'cause I thought
if you wore this costume,
244
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:17,820
then I could spring for a smartboard.
245
00:10:17,845 --> 00:10:18,921
But, oh well.
246
00:10:18,946 --> 00:10:20,515
I assume I can wear leggings?
247
00:10:25,054 --> 00:10:26,820
Wow, it's busy tonight.
248
00:10:27,171 --> 00:10:28,719
Are we finally voting
on my teachers' lounge
249
00:10:28,786 --> 00:10:29,906
tanning bed proposal?
250
00:10:29,931 --> 00:10:31,857
No, parents are here to tell the council
251
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:33,125
how Fillmore can improve.
252
00:10:33,155 --> 00:10:35,656
Ah, thank God. We could
really use the support.
253
00:10:35,741 --> 00:10:36,890
Uh-huh.
254
00:10:38,795 --> 00:10:41,932
Our first order of business
is an emergency proposal
255
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,335
by Paul Ballinger.
256
00:10:43,696 --> 00:10:46,232
The teachers at Fillmore
are out of control.
257
00:10:46,296 --> 00:10:48,605
We've had multiple reports
of a teacher taking
258
00:10:48,672 --> 00:10:51,757
unauthorized field trips
to plasma clinics.
259
00:10:52,662 --> 00:10:55,640
Another centering all of her
lesson plans around pizza.
260
00:10:56,226 --> 00:10:58,562
And one of the teachers
is selling my child's artwork
261
00:10:58,587 --> 00:11:00,055
online for cash!
262
00:11:00,195 --> 00:11:01,445
This is our house.
263
00:11:01,581 --> 00:11:03,367
Someone could find out where we live.
264
00:11:03,546 --> 00:11:04,955
Things need to change.
265
00:11:05,022 --> 00:11:06,554
Hear, hear!
266
00:11:06,921 --> 00:11:09,101
Fellow parent Mary Louise Bennigan and I
267
00:11:09,126 --> 00:11:11,695
have come up with
a proposed list of demands.
268
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,921
Teachers will offer
ten office hours per week
269
00:11:14,946 --> 00:11:16,815
outside of school hours.
270
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,546
They will send home
daily progress reports.
271
00:11:19,838 --> 00:11:23,250
They will be available anytime
for updates via phone.
272
00:11:23,541 --> 00:11:26,209
They will also be required
to administer 15 minutes
273
00:11:26,276 --> 00:11:30,039
of one-on-one time
for each student every day.
274
00:11:33,016 --> 00:11:34,252
You can't do this!
275
00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:36,867
Teachers need to learn to care.
276
00:11:37,101 --> 00:11:39,624
Teachers need to learn to care!
277
00:11:39,690 --> 00:11:42,226
Teachers need to learn to care!
278
00:11:42,292 --> 00:11:44,027
Teachers need to learn to care!
279
00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:47,101
You're a teacher, dildo!
You need to learn to care too.
280
00:11:47,126 --> 00:11:50,168
Everyone looks to be
in favor of Paul's motion.
281
00:11:50,233 --> 00:11:51,735
So passed!
282
00:11:51,801 --> 00:11:54,906
New teacher requirements
are effective immediately.
283
00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:01,265
Quickly people!
284
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,460
I don't know how we are
gonna do all this!
285
00:12:04,739 --> 00:12:06,373
I, for one, am excited.
286
00:12:06,398 --> 00:12:08,365
We're gonna have so much fun.
287
00:12:08,432 --> 00:12:11,035
I just need a little
espresso and 15 more minutes
288
00:12:11,103 --> 00:12:13,560
to complete your daily progress reports.
289
00:12:13,585 --> 00:12:16,041
Then we can move on to the
Declaration of Independence.
290
00:12:16,108 --> 00:12:17,367
Deb?
291
00:12:18,554 --> 00:12:20,990
Which would have been much better
292
00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:23,303
if Thomas Jefferson had been eating
293
00:12:23,328 --> 00:12:25,383
a Saucy Lawrence sausage pizza.
294
00:12:25,898 --> 00:12:27,585
Hi, Mr. Murphy.
295
00:12:27,694 --> 00:12:29,554
Yes, Peter's doing well.
296
00:12:30,078 --> 00:12:31,589
No, I don't think Peter's cold.
297
00:12:31,656 --> 00:12:32,823
Peter, are you cold?
298
00:12:33,054 --> 00:12:34,457
Okay, yes, Peter's cold.
299
00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:36,062
I'll give him my jacket,
300
00:12:36,087 --> 00:12:38,489
but, yeah, I do need
to get back to teaching.
301
00:12:38,595 --> 00:12:40,398
So what is 12 times 12?
302
00:12:40,464 --> 00:12:41,833
I don't know.
303
00:12:42,242 --> 00:12:44,156
Are you gonna do anything about that?
304
00:12:46,170 --> 00:12:48,873
No, because this is your time.
305
00:13:09,398 --> 00:13:11,394
Hold on. I have another call.
306
00:13:15,539 --> 00:13:17,271
'Cause your son is able
to wipe his own heinie.
307
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:18,928
I don't need to go in there with him.
308
00:13:19,577 --> 00:13:22,298
And so it was the Emancipation
Proclamation that made...
309
00:13:22,373 --> 00:13:25,343
Deb, why am I paying
good money for a costume
310
00:13:25,409 --> 00:13:27,568
if you're just gonna
sit behind your desk?
311
00:13:27,593 --> 00:13:29,913
I want to see the whole pie. Stand up.
312
00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:31,562
Okay, that's it!
313
00:13:33,350 --> 00:13:34,601
What do you need help with, Nicholas?
314
00:13:34,626 --> 00:13:37,964
Nothing. My mom just needed
to drop me off early
315
00:13:37,989 --> 00:13:40,131
so she could go to Starbucks
316
00:13:40,156 --> 00:13:42,359
and not be late for work.
317
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,033
Everything hurts.
318
00:13:50,359 --> 00:13:52,264
I fell asleep on the way home last night
319
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:54,100
and almost drove into Lake Michigan.
320
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,429
Thank God it's
Teacher Appreciation Week.
321
00:13:56,898 --> 00:13:58,877
I could really use some pampering.
322
00:13:58,944 --> 00:14:01,546
Remember that year the PTA
got us a manicurist?
323
00:14:01,613 --> 00:14:03,580
Yes, she was so good.
324
00:14:03,648 --> 00:14:05,883
She drew my family crest on my nails.
325
00:14:06,164 --> 00:14:08,119
If I don't get a 90 minute massage soon,
326
00:14:08,186 --> 00:14:09,851
I might die.
327
00:14:14,915 --> 00:14:15,982
I'm dead.
328
00:14:16,007 --> 00:14:17,262
That's our gift?
329
00:14:17,695 --> 00:14:20,006
This pizza will haunt me forever.
330
00:14:20,031 --> 00:14:22,033
I can't believe this.
What are they gonna do
331
00:14:22,099 --> 00:14:24,522
at the Teacher Appreciation
Awards, stone us?
332
00:14:24,547 --> 00:14:26,249
Maybe it'll be like
"The Handmaid's Tale,"
333
00:14:26,316 --> 00:14:27,649
and we'll have to stone each other.
334
00:14:27,898 --> 00:14:29,226
Dibs on going first!
335
00:14:29,538 --> 00:14:30,695
It's okay, guys.
336
00:14:30,746 --> 00:14:33,015
We don't teach
for the capitalist rewards.
337
00:14:33,241 --> 00:14:34,711
We teach for the love.
338
00:14:34,736 --> 00:14:36,398
You make me sick!
339
00:14:36,423 --> 00:14:38,398
Okay, no. Stop.
340
00:14:38,423 --> 00:14:39,695
Ahhhh!
341
00:14:42,788 --> 00:14:44,382
Hey there, Blake-o.
342
00:14:45,296 --> 00:14:46,992
- What's up?
- Nothing.
343
00:14:47,017 --> 00:14:48,914
Oh, no, is it porn?
344
00:14:48,939 --> 00:14:50,506
I don't know how
to talk to you about that.
345
00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:53,875
All I can say is you gotta
get to know a pizza man
346
00:14:53,942 --> 00:14:57,265
and really trust him for those
kinds of things to happen.
347
00:14:57,348 --> 00:14:58,734
It's not porn.
348
00:14:59,030 --> 00:15:00,335
Thank goodness.
349
00:15:04,296 --> 00:15:05,625
An answer key.
350
00:15:06,288 --> 00:15:07,867
Did Ms. Snap give this to you?
351
00:15:07,892 --> 00:15:09,859
No, I took it from her desk.
352
00:15:09,926 --> 00:15:11,734
Blake, why?
353
00:15:11,759 --> 00:15:14,263
I'm sorry, I just can't
get held back again.
354
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,992
The other day I got sent to the office,
355
00:15:16,017 --> 00:15:18,093
and they asked me what class
my child was in.
356
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,003
You're not gonna get
held back, I promise.
357
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:22,335
I'll talk to Ms. Snap.
358
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:23,861
She's obviously
not doing enough for you.
359
00:15:23,886 --> 00:15:26,390
No, she is. She always tries to help me.
360
00:15:26,812 --> 00:15:28,611
I just haven't been
studying like I should,
361
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,609
because I wanted to watch
all those movies you brought.
362
00:15:34,484 --> 00:15:36,546
Cheating isn't the answer.
363
00:15:36,758 --> 00:15:38,507
Okay? Hard work is.
364
00:15:39,422 --> 00:15:40,929
Let me help you with this, okay?
365
00:15:41,296 --> 00:15:43,660
And when we're done, as a special treat,
366
00:15:43,726 --> 00:15:46,156
we can go home and watch
"Baby Geniuses."
367
00:15:50,039 --> 00:15:54,132
Thank you, Mindy F.,
for that original piece
368
00:15:54,157 --> 00:15:56,339
dedicated to Ms. Cannon,
369
00:15:56,406 --> 00:15:59,976
entitled "Art Cart in My Heart."
370
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,745
Thank you, Mindy. That was sweet.
371
00:16:02,867 --> 00:16:05,280
For the next Teacher Appreciation Award,
372
00:16:05,348 --> 00:16:08,726
welcome Rhett G.
from Mrs. Adler's class.
373
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,498
I want to thank our teacher, Mrs. Adler,
374
00:16:13,523 --> 00:16:16,343
who got us a sponsorship
from Saucy Lawrence.
375
00:16:16,398 --> 00:16:18,756
Hey, we're making pizza here!
376
00:16:18,781 --> 00:16:22,437
So our class could have
almanacs, puzzles,
377
00:16:22,554 --> 00:16:24,501
and an up-to-date atlas.
378
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:26,554
I'd like to give her
the Most Dedicated Award.
379
00:16:28,827 --> 00:16:30,230
Thank, Rhett, very much you.
380
00:16:30,255 --> 00:16:33,189
I sound like Yoda.
I'm not on drugs, I swear.
381
00:16:33,214 --> 00:16:35,819
I just have had a lot
of caffeine. Adios.
382
00:16:37,781 --> 00:16:39,031
I want to present Ms. Snap
383
00:16:39,056 --> 00:16:41,157
with the Keeps It Fun
by Keeping It Real Award.
384
00:16:41,312 --> 00:16:43,220
She taught us international geography
385
00:16:43,287 --> 00:16:45,122
by following Eminem's Revival Tour.
386
00:16:45,187 --> 00:16:47,570
We learned fun facts about
each city he performed in.
387
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,468
Ms. Snap, this is for you.
388
00:16:51,315 --> 00:16:52,609
Ms. Snap.
389
00:16:53,859 --> 00:16:54,997
Ms. Snap?
390
00:16:59,569 --> 00:17:01,781
I'd like to give my teacher, Ms. Watson,
391
00:17:01,806 --> 00:17:03,742
the Blood, Sweat and Tears Award,
392
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:07,822
because she literally gave up
all those things for us.
393
00:17:07,976 --> 00:17:10,713
Thanks, Ms. Watson,
for selling your plasma
394
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,749
so we don't have to share an eraser.
395
00:17:17,346 --> 00:17:18,749
Thank you, Harrison.
396
00:17:20,629 --> 00:17:23,668
Where's the school nurse?
397
00:17:23,693 --> 00:17:25,531
They let her go. Budget cuts.
398
00:17:25,556 --> 00:17:27,290
Caroline? Caroline?
399
00:17:27,562 --> 00:17:30,632
She's probably exhausted
from making false accusations
400
00:17:30,699 --> 00:17:31,812
against students.
401
00:17:31,837 --> 00:17:33,903
Oh, you wanna know why she's passed out?
402
00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:36,351
Because our school doesn't
get any funding.
403
00:17:37,149 --> 00:17:40,531
Teachers aren't the problem.
The government is.
404
00:17:43,446 --> 00:17:46,681
If you want your children
to get a better education,
405
00:17:46,748 --> 00:17:48,918
then you need to put pressure
on the school board
406
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,253
so that we get better financial support.
407
00:17:51,554 --> 00:17:53,359
Not just for our paychecks,
408
00:17:53,685 --> 00:17:55,429
but for your kids.
409
00:17:55,934 --> 00:17:58,504
Help us help our students.
410
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:01,940
Teacher contract
negotiations are coming up,
411
00:18:01,965 --> 00:18:04,699
and I think it's time
that we join forces
412
00:18:04,766 --> 00:18:07,578
so teachers and students
get the funding they deserve.
413
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,193
I let my desire to be
a good mother get in the way
414
00:18:18,218 --> 00:18:21,039
of sticking with my fellow
teachers and sisters.
415
00:18:21,773 --> 00:18:22,906
I'm sorry.
416
00:18:23,479 --> 00:18:26,023
And, Chelsea... Chelsea?
417
00:18:29,413 --> 00:18:31,548
Listen, if you expect the teachers
418
00:18:31,573 --> 00:18:32,841
to do more for the students,
419
00:18:32,866 --> 00:18:34,578
they're gonna need more resources.
420
00:18:34,802 --> 00:18:35,867
No.
421
00:18:35,892 --> 00:18:38,859
Then if you're not going
to give us more resources,
422
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:40,656
we need more support staff.
423
00:18:40,681 --> 00:18:42,632
- We're spread too thin.
- No.
424
00:18:42,802 --> 00:18:45,781
Okay, if you want us to do
all these things ourselves,
425
00:18:45,806 --> 00:18:47,250
then we need to be compensated.
426
00:18:47,398 --> 00:18:48,444
No.
427
00:18:48,469 --> 00:18:50,960
So you want us to do all this extra work
428
00:18:50,985 --> 00:18:53,257
outside of our jobs
and not get paid for it?
429
00:18:53,282 --> 00:18:54,328
No.
430
00:18:54,790 --> 00:18:55,976
I mean, yes.
431
00:18:56,550 --> 00:18:58,242
I'm just so used to saying no.
432
00:18:58,786 --> 00:19:02,024
Look, I'm sorry, but things
just aren't going to change
433
00:19:02,049 --> 00:19:03,304
this school year.
434
00:19:03,620 --> 00:19:05,328
You're just gonna have
to learn to live with that.
435
00:19:05,726 --> 00:19:08,390
Okay, while we're spitting truths,
436
00:19:08,549 --> 00:19:11,585
your husband kissed me on the
lips at a New Year's Eve party,
437
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:13,380
and it was longer than three seconds.
438
00:19:13,471 --> 00:19:15,671
And you're just gonna have
to learn to live with that.
439
00:19:21,719 --> 00:19:23,226
Next order of business.
440
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:25,859
Somebody say something.
441
00:19:26,970 --> 00:19:28,335
I wanna talk about that more.
442
00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:31,317
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