Original subtitles

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Can you see daddy? -No, I can't see anything.

But it should work. Try again.

There they are, my two children...

Teresa and Carluccio. -That's better.

Can you see him or not? -Yes, yes.

Let me see. -I'll send him a kiss.

You shouldn't have let him leave, he shouldn't have left.

Lady Anna, it wasn't possible any more, that a man as refined as him...

Such an expert in his field, couldn't go on living...

Without ever having been to England at least once, right?

It's all your fault, Count Paul...

And those vagabond friends of yours.

You spend all day talking about umbrellas and bowler hats.

You talk and talk...

I can't hear what my wife is saying to my best friend, Count Paul...

But I can guess.

My wife is a good woman, simple, but also a little ignorant.

I am an expert antiques dealer...

I couldn't go on living without ever going to England.

However, now that this beast has started to move...

And I can't see my wife and children any more...

I have a strong desire to get off!

And I don't know why?

He's scared, I tell you, he's scared.

If he could, he'd jump out of there like a cricket.

There he goes.

In an hour and fifty minutes...

Our Dante will set foot on our dear old England.

Let's go. Come on, we have to get to Perugia.

Start walking.

British passengers to the right, foreign passengers, this way.

Are you separating us? -Yes.

All mine. -We're taking these.

You're only allowed one carton and one bottle.

I'm so sorry! It's my first time in England.

I don't know your laws but I have the greatest admiration for you.

Then open everything. -Everything?

Everything.

I'm not unpacking your suitcase. -No? Then what are you doing?

I must check for cameras and binoculars.

Why? -Do you see down there?

The palace where the queen lives? -Yes, this is why.

Now do you understand? -No, I don't understand.

Journalists and photographers, with their equipment...

...have invaded the Queen's privacy.

Criticising and publishing, without any respect...

Images that were less than flattering of certain individuals.

Her Majesty wasn't amused. -She's right, poor lady.

But why did the owner of this land build a skyscraper right here?

The land belonged to the Queen, she gave permission to build it.

Then why is she complaining? -That's what we're wondering as well.

You deserve a tip.

Your welcome.

What a wonderful world.

'Dante Fontana - Antiques'

Hello? Hello?

Who?

Mr. Dante? From London?

How is that possible?

They're still not back, maybe because of the fog.

No.

I had such a fright when I heard your voice.

I'll take care of it, don't worry.

Your husband just called. -How is that possible?

I told you he'd arrive first. -He was surprised you weren't back.

He asked about you and your friends.

When I told him about the fog here, he laughed and said...

It's sunny over here, I can even see the Queen from my window.

Let's go. Bring me the key later.

Did he speak English? Has he already changed?

These are the things you put his head...

"He can see the Queen." -Poor Dante.

Don't worry about Anna, she's always like that...

She always wants the last word. What can you do?

She's no different to before, she hasn't changed.

She's so set in her ways. -A drink?

I can't imagine what Dante must be up to now.

I can tell you where he is now...

Only a few minutes till noon. Where else can he be?

St. James' Street.

Stand next to that guy in the bowler hat...

Otherwise they won't believe we're in London.

Next to him.

Italians? From the south?

Ready?

Behave.

Don't let them see us for who we really are.

Who is he?

It got caught, the umbrella.

The ticket.

Are you Italian?

Yes, I'm Italian. -I don't like Italians.

Why?

An Italian tried to strangle me during the war.

With that neck?

Who was that Italian?

To do what? -To eat.

We have fresh clams in oil straight from the sea

I dreamt of it all my life, to visit Christies.

The most famous auction house in the world.

My dream was about to be realised.

Here comes Dante Fontana.

Then you're Italian? -From Perugia.

I have so many happy memories of your city.

Many years ago, in Warsaw...

I met a marquis Fontana, in your embassy.

A relative of yours, perhaps?

He was my uncle. -He was?

I'm so sorry.

I realised straight away that you weren't an antiques dealer.

Permit me to introduce lady Rachel and lady Charlotte Swinburn.

The Marquis of Fontana.

What interests you in particular? -Something special?

In this auction? Or life in general?

Very funny. -Diffident, also.

Yes, look. 136...

Bust of a woman, fragment of Etruscan sculpture.

No, it's deplorable.

I hope you're happy...

Your little prank has cost me an extra �300.

It wasn't a prank, I came here from Italy for that fragment.

I've been looking for it for years, I own the rest of the pieces of the urn.

Evidently, you're talking about a copy, I have the original.

I'm sorry to upset you, but I have the original.

Rubbish, my father found it in a newly discovered Etruscan tomb.

He was passionate about Etruscan art.

Newly discovered Etruscan tombs are very rare...

My father was a specialist. -If he was a specialist...

My father certainly wasn't naive.

I'm not questioning that but... -Are you sure you have the original?

How long are you staying in London?

I leave tomorrow. -What a pity.

I have guests coming to my castle tomorrow...

And my painter of seasons is going fox hunting.

I would love to have invited you...

To show you that experts like you and your father can be wrong.

Then I accept your invitation without hesitation.

There's a train that arrives at ten in the morning...

My driver will wait for you at the station.

Grantham. Beavel castle.

It didn't seem real to me.

An English duchess had invited me to her English castle.

I was scared it was all a dream and I'd wake up in Perugia.

These children start wearing top hats in primary school.

That's why they know how to wear them when they grow up.

This is why they are well educated.

There is a lot of talk about educational reforms in Italy...

Here is the first and most important thing, the top hat.

We are missing the top hat in Italy.

And these girls...

With those eyes, so deep and pure.

We were expecting an Italian guest.

You're Italian? You look like an Englishman.

What a wonderful compliment. -Not really, the car's already left.

It doesn't matter, I'll find another way.

There's only one other way, on foot.

Excuse me, soldier. -Tell me?

Do you know Beavel castle? -Keep going straight.

I live near the castle, I used to play in the grounds when I was a child.

My name's Rock and I'm Scottish.

I can see that, my name's Dante, I'm from Perugia.

That's my house. -My compliments.

Your father's calling you. -That's my wife.

Take that road down there, past the forest...

You'll see the castle.

I have to get to work and the house is still a mess...

The boy needs his clothes changed. -Yes, darling.

Bye, I'm going.

You're always going around with those damned bagpipes, hurry up.

Dante.

Wives are terrible.

You're telling me.

It's a long way, you feel it more walking.

Your suitcase, please.

It's four shillings, not two.

This way.

How do you do? Dante Fontana.

It's outside in the garden, you can't see if from here.

What? -The fountain.

My name, Dante Fontana.

Fontana. -What do you want?

I don't know. -I was saying, my name is Dante Fontana.

Why are you telling us? -Can't I?

But I'm not a tourist, I'm a guest.

A guest? -Of course.

I was personally invited by her grace.

How is that possible? I would've known.

What is your name, sir? -Fontana, Dante.

Marquis Dante Fontana? -That's me.

I'm terribly sorry. -It doesn't matter.

You've given me the opportunity to see the castle.

Follow me, I'll show you to your room.

Let's go. -An unforgivable mistake.

Don't worry, I've already forgotten it.

And forgiven you.

Who is he?

I'll inform her grace of your arrival.

We were expecting you on the ten o'clock train.

I know, there was a misunderstanding.

This is Rubens room, each room is distinguished by the painting in it.

This one is by Rubens. -Yes, I know the painting...

'The Birth of Victorious' but it's not by Rubens.

No, it's from his school. -You're quite right.

One of the best, you're a fine purveyor of art.

Modestly so.

Your horse is ready. -My horse...

I'd rather walk. -As you wish.

Some port, sir? -Port.

Please, sir.

Yes, sir. A bit cold this morning, isn't it?

Yes, it's cold, but the sun shines.

Have they already left for the fox hunt?

Yes, it's the perfect day for a fox hunt.

Where do you usually find these foxes?

Hiding in the forest, around the lake...

They can be anywhere. -But no one knows their hideout?

No, sir, only the dogs can find them.

Dogs? These foxes aren't very smart.

You're right, they're not very smart,

For us, in Italy, the countryside is all about work...

Hard work, sweat.

But here, all I want to do is lie down.

On this marvellous green carpet.

Can't they see me? What are you doing?

Come on, what a fall, are you hurt?

If it hurts, it will heal.

Get in the saddle, my little girl.

Yes, colonel.

Jump.

Saddle hurts, saddle heals.

What are you doing there?

A little stroll. -Did you fall off your horse?

I never got on it, dear. -Come here.

Yes, your grace.

Welcome.

Get in.

We can follow the hunt more comfortably.

Do you like it?

It's wonderful sight.

It's like an old engraving from... -England?

Yes, England.

I was admiring the beauty of your countryside...

When I was involved in an accident.

Poor little thing. Who is that little girl?

My niece. -What a personality!

You Italians indulge your children far too much.

Do you have any? -Yes, a boy and a girl.

Send them to us in England and we'll ship them back tough as iron.

I don't doubt it!

Marquis, do you love hunting? -I adore it.

It's a shame you don't ride with the others, you'd enjoy it.

I rode a lot in my youth, unfortunately, a cossack...

...struck me in my thigh. -Poor Marquis.

Forget it. I bless that cossack...

Who permitted me to be here with you.

I can't bear to see them suffer.

The foxes? -No, the dogs, poor things.

If they don't eat the fox they suffer.

I was telling the Marquis, Italians treat their children...

Like we treat our animals. It's quite absurd.

I find it more correct to have the children sleep in kennels...

And the dogs in the children's beds.

Man is a dog's best friend. -A woman's, too.

I'd send them running after the fox. -Who?

The children. To build up their muscles.

Tell me, Marquis, do you prefer children or dogs?

Children... -Children.

Or dogs? -Naturally.

I find that if a dog is nice, it's nice...

But a child is always a child. -I never thought of it like that.

Marquis. -Yes, your grace?

What do you think of Chinese children?

They're better than dogs. -No!

I heard that the Chinese eat dogs.

I don't understand why no one loves China?

The ones that I met were terribly kind.

I don't know why? -I know why...

They're kind because they're poor.

Are in you in the navy?

No, I'm not in the navy. -Marquis...

My husband always says that a banker should only lend money to those who don't need it.

You're husband's quite right!

What do they say in Rome about this pope who's always travelling?

I don't know, I'm from Perugia.

Are you in aviation? -No, I'm not in aviation.

The day before yesterday.

I'm sorry, my mistake. The day before.

Are you with the diplomatic corps? -No, I'm not from the corps.

Is it true Italian men don't let their wives work?

It depends. -Why?

Because Italian men are very jealous.

What do you know, child?

We're always talking about Italian men at college.

The youth of today.

Are you a jealous man? -Not me!

Then your wife is ugly.

No, my wife is very beautiful.

All Italians beat their wives. -No, not all of them.

I'd never hit a woman, not even with a flower.

You're so romantic.

I'm an Italian. -How the world has changed...

Can you tell me why it's cloudy in Italy and sunny in England?

Atomic bombs!

Are you a nuclear physicist? -Colonel...

My dears, shall we have a coffee?

What are you doing? Are you leaving with the women?

Shouldn't I? -The port.

What are you doing? Passing it to your right?

Should I pass it to my left?

Don't you know port should be passed like the hands on a clock?

What a fool. I forgot.

Like the hands on a clock.

Sometimes, one thinks of a clock and...

And then turns.

What do you think, Marquis?

I'd rather not say. -Why? Don't you like it?

What does that mean? It's a fake?

Are you sure?

And it's also a bad imitation. If you'll allow me...

Look at the difference.

Do you see the difference? -No.

No?

What is it now? Is that a fake as well?

It's a fake. -Heavens! That one too!

Couldn't you tell? -I saw it from a distance.

My God! I'm ruined.

I had already fixed the date for the Etruscan exhibition...

The invitations have already been sent out...

The guests will arrive next weekend. Everything's been organised.

And I had promised to give it to her as a gift.

Promised who?

Show me where the kitchen is. -The kitchen?

But why? -Don't ask, just have faith.

Now he's cooking the sauce.

The marquis says a statue is like the human body...

The richer the sauce, the older it gets.

And, tomorrow, we'll wake them up...

...with two thousand years of richness.

What's this?

"The lady in her tower under the stone castle cannot sleep..."

"Her bed is so empty, the house of games is pink like the aurora..."

"Come, my dear. Come."

'...to play a little, with me.'

Who is it?

Of course I'll come, my dear.

They're mannequins.

The pink house.

It's the pink house.

Beautiful.

The house of games, is red like the aurora.

Come, my dear, come and play with me.

But who is it?

It's you, marquis.

It's you, your grace.

Of course it's me, do you want something?

Not me. -Then what are you doing here?

What am I doing here? I was passing by and now I'm going.

Where are you going? That's not the way out.

It isn't? Where, then?

If you want to go to your room, go through that door.

Goodnight, and sweet dreams.

Would you like me to read you two verses from the bible?

I'm so sorry, but I'm a catholic.

Poor boy.

The desert is a solitary place...

And the desert will bloom like a rose...

And the lion will lie next to the lamb.

Who is the divine lady who couldn't sleep?

And you smoked Galouise in the pink house...

While you waited in vain to play a little with me?

Bravo, marquis, finally...

Did you sleep well? -I didn't sleep a wink.

I wanted to see the sunrise. -But there was no sun this morning.

Yes, it was there, but then it disappeared.

Marquis, I'm so keen to see our two friends again...

That I can't wait to go into the kitchen with you.

But eat something first. -No thank you, your grace...

But I'm ready. Whenever you want?

Beautiful ladies, sleep well?

I didn't sleep a wink. -You, too?

I slept marvellously. -Lucky you.

It's a beautiful day today.

No, I smoke French cigarettes, very strong.

I'm looking for them, but I don't know who smokes them?

Gauloise.

Why not? Don't you like them?

Let's go. -Let's go.

Good morning, dear. -Good morning, auntie.

You're so lucky to sleep for so long. -Innocent dreams.

Another fifteen seconds.

Damn him!

Her grace returns your luggage with her disgust.

Disgust? But I have no idea what went wrong with the sauce...

It's your tomatoes, they don't mature in England.

I'll inform her grace. -Tell her it wasn't my fault.

There's nothing to forgive, they were both fakes.

But her grace had promised them to her majesty.

What majesty? Everyone knows she buys fakes.

She's swindled so many people.

Really? -Really.

What an old ghost!

Forgive me, Ms. Elizabeth.

Is it a very interesting book? What is it? A novel?

It's a ministerial report on young people's sexual experiences.

What ministry? -The ministry of health.

And what does a ministry ask? Have you ever been in love?

They don't ask such foolish questions. -Sorry.

They asked precise things, they asked technical questions.

For example...

What reaction did you have during your first sexual experience?

And the answer?

48% - I enjoyed it, 14% - let down...

Another 14% - no reaction.

No reaction? It's unbelievable...

Excuse my curiosity but do your parents allow you to read such things?

I've never asked them, my mother is in America with her third husband.

My father lives in Spain and I haven't seen him for years.

I'm sorry, you must feel lonely? -Why? Am I ugly?

That's not what I meant, you're very beautiful.

Very gracious, I wanted to say...

That you must miss family life? -I'm doing just fine without it.

Isn't it dangerous for a girl to live alone?

Are you alluding to sexual temptations?

No?

25% of the girls had their first sexual experience in their parent's house.

During their absence, I hope?

Are you against sex before marriage?

It's not a problem that concerns me, I'm already married...

And I have two kids. Here they are...

Carluccio and Teresa.

Teresa is your age.

Which is? -15.

I'm much older.

Why are they so fat?

I don't know.

They take after their mother. -Do you like fat women?

No.

Cigarette?

Thank you, I only smoke Gauloise, they're stronger.

Gauloise. -Yes.

"The lady in her tower under the stone castle cannot sleep..."

"Her bed is so empty, the house of games is pink like the aurora..."

"Come, my dear. Come..."

"To play a little, with me."

Have you already arrived?

Yes. When are you going back to Italy?

Unfortunately, I leave tonight.

Well... -Well?

Bon voyage. -I hope we'll meet again.

Ms. Elizabeth, you forgot your book.

Keep it, you can learn a lot about English youth.

Yes.

Elizabeth.

Dante, she's just a child.

How can you think certain things?

But didn't you see her eyes? So deep and pure.

Think of Teresa. She could be your daughter.

But as she wasn't my daughter and she wasn't as immature as I thought....

It upset me that I hadn't understood this earlier.

So I decided to delay my departure...

And to go and find her in her college.

It would be foolish to leave England without visiting an English college.

Does your daughter speak English? -No, is it necessary?

It doesn't matter, you see...

Very pretty. Very.

Marquis.

By the way, could I see Ms. Elizabeth Rutherford?

Unfortunately, little Elizabeth has left us...

She's gone to live in Richmond. -Richmond?

Yes, it's an isolated population of modern youth, a youth club.

It's hard to draw them away from the good life...

We do try our best, I was also young once.

It might seem strange to you, but I was...

And I know how hard it is to resist temptation.

As an Italian you know what I'm alluding at, what do you Italians say?

What do we say? -Ciao!

What? -Ciao!

It's the only word I learnt in Italy.

You'll pay twenty pounds deposit. -Twenty pounds?

Good, because I deplore what Elizabeth has done.

But as a woman, I'll tell you, Marquis...

We'll go to the Richmond Youth Club tonight.

These modern rhythms excite me!

Let's go to Richmond. -Me too!

What are you doing here?

I received a message, "The house of games is pink like the Aurora..."

"Come my dear, come and play a little with me."

You're a bit late. -Yes, I should've guessed sooner...

But us Italians say better late than never.

So I decided to come looking for you, do you mind?

What do you think of this new England?

A little scandalised? -No, only...

What? -A little uncomfortable.

Do you feel old? -A little.

Am I too old for you? -No...

Don't you like it? It's an authentic suit from London.

I don't like it.

That's better.

What do you want to drink? A beer?

A beer? -Two beers, Ringo.

Hey, guys...

We're going to Diana's house. -Let's go, Dante.

Where? -You'll enjoy it.

Really? Let's go.

I found it again.

It's a pleasure to meet you. Have you signed my wall?

Wall? No. Where's the wall?

I'll sign it.

'Dante Fontana'. -Great.

Let's find a seat downstairs.

I must take care of you, you're new here.

We always have throw a party on Friday, here or in the countryside.

My wife adores the youth and I can't say she's wrong.

You're right. -They're so alive! -Alive.

Have a seat.

Tell me, why do you dress in that horrendous fashion?

I'm sorry but I didn't think it would startle you so much.

But you? You dress so differently to traditional English fashion.

I apologise if I make you aware of an error, Mr. Fontana.

Yes, tell me? -Not traditional but conventional.

And what have you become? A shape without form.

Would you be kind enough to close the door?

Please take off your clothes.

No, I'm sorry... -Please take off your clothes.

I said no. I thought you wanted to talk.

It's just an experiment, to see how you look.

A mere curiosity. -What curiosity?

I want you to try on some new English fashion.

New English fashion? Men or women?

Female and male fashion don't exist any more...

Fortunately, the difference between the sexes is disappearing...

Take the men who are here tonight, for example...

They could quite easily be mistaken for women.

Right! That's the danger. -Danger?

What danger? -Mistaking a man for a woman.

You Italians say you learn through your mistakes.

We learn but we're still not used to this.

I know, it takes time. -Yes.

Do you notice the difference? -Sure I notice it!

How do you prefer your hair? Brown or blonde?

What? -The wig, naturally...

Otherwise your suit isn't complete, look at me.

But your hair is... -My hair? Rubbish...

A wig.

Dante! Is that you?

You like it? -Yes.

Am I like one of you? -Yes.

What will they think of me? -They don't think...

It's like you never existed for them.

And for you? -For me, yes.

And you'll always love me? -No.

Why not? -I might find someone else tomorrow.

And I'll remain alone? -Who says so?

Look.

Who is she? -Who cares?

What does she want? -A kiss.

Really? -Sure.

May I? -Naturally.

Is this the freedom you spoke of? -Yes.

I'll kiss you.

Why are you doing that? Does it upset you?

No. -Then why are you scratching me?

Because I like you. -Are you jealous?

We don't know what jealousy is? We're free.

Look around, there are lots of girls who are more attractive than me.

All free to be loved.

This is great.

We're like nature, we're like the trees...

Like the grass, the flowers.

Like the animals? -Sure.

Who is that young black man who left with Elizabeth?

He's a very famous writer.

He ate four people, but they absolved him...

Because there was so much evidence against him...

That it didn't seem possible that he was the killer.

But if everyone knows he's the killer...

Why don't they send him back to prison?

In England, once you been absolved, even if you shout you did it...

They won't believe you any more. -Really?

Isn't Elizabeth scared of him? -No, she's very brave.

You too? -I'm a sensible girl...

In need of love and affection.

May I give it to you? -Yes.

What's your name? -Angel.

Then I'm not dreaming...

I really am in heaven. -Of course.

I knew it, I should've come to London a long time ago.

Look at her! -Check out the hat.

Check out the hair.

Which one of these three is the man?

How can they go around like that? -Haven't you seen them before?

He goes around like that and no one says anything?

Damn him and his grandfather.

Did you hear that? -I heard it but who was it?

Come on. Come on, everybody.

Where are we going?

Where are we going? -To the golf course.

You play golf? -We're not playing but you'll like it.

Really?

What are we going to do now? -Fight as hard as you can.

But watch out, they're strong, smart and cruel.

I don't understand. What do I have to do?

Have you all gone mad?

Why are you doing this? -Because we like it.

Looks like they're up to their usual games down there.

It's an illness that makes the youngsters behave like savages.

A marvellous illness called youth.

Because, my dear Mr. Smith, this is what it means to be young.

A love of danger and adventure.

Behave.

I don't know you. I haven't done anything to hurt you.

I'm not like you, my name's Dante Fontana, I'm from Perugia.

I'm not young like you, I'm old.

I have a wife and children, and I don't feel well.

Can't you find someone else to pick on?

What are you doing? You're lifting me up.

One day, those lunatics will be our successors.

Poor England. -We've done worse...

The war.

Don't kill me!

The police.

I find the police intervention most deplorable...

It's an abuse of power. -Unworthy of a democratic country.

I agree with you. -Thank God.

In a real democratic country the police should let these young imbeciles go.

With so much hair and very little brains...

Let them fight it out amongst themselves.

Where are we going?

Subtitled by the mods and the rockers. Spring 2010 - www.cultfilmsubs.com

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