All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers - 09x12 - The Helen Hunt.en

Subtitle sync and corrections by
ChrisKe for www.addic7ed.com.

You know, it'd be cool if these
menus wiped us for a change.

Yeah, like we're so clean.

Hey, Teddy. We haven't
seen you in a while.

I've been working,
like, three days straight

for Helen, out at her beach house.

Oh, that house. I want that house.

I want it first.

It's been nice, just me and Helen

working, talking. We've
even shared a few sunsets.

I'm pretty sure one of the days,

we both looked at the
sunset at the same time.

It sounds like you still have
a little crush on her, Teddy.

A crush? Oh, I don't know.

Maybe. I mean, she's so, uh...

- Helen...
- Ah...

Are there any dances coming
up you could ask her to?

Yeah, when is Handyman Prom?

What? No, a guy like me

doesn't have a chance
with a lady like her.

Oh, come on. Sure,
she's gorgeous and rich,

and why would she go out with you?

But also why not you, right?

- Why can't you be Cinderella?
- Teddy-rella.

- Nah, nah, nah.
- So what kind of work

is she having you do at her beach house?

Mostly looking in
chimneys and air ducts.

- Is that a euphemism?
- Why is she having you do that?

Eh, Helen thinks her late husband Larry,

who she definitely didn't kill,
hid something valuable from her.

D-Does she know
you describe her that way?

Wait, Larry was hiding stuff? Why?

I don't know, but apparently
Larry liked to hide stuff

- in vents and chimneys.
- 'Cause that's what you do

when you totally trust your wife
who definitely didn't kill you.

- Right, right.
- What did Helen think Larry hid?

A little Japanese carved
figurine. It's called a netsuke.

- Netsuke?
- Yeah, netsuke.

I believe it's pronounced "Netscape."

This one's a carving of
two snails intertwined.

- On their honeymoon, maybe?
- Wow. That's beautiful.

I wouldn't say beautiful,
but it seems consensual?

I guess it's worth a ton.

Apparently, Larry had all
sorts of wacky investments.

Japanese antiquities, vintage
typewriters, real estate.

W-W-Wait, why is real
estate a wacky investment?

Well, if you saw the
apartment building he owned.

You know that place, a couple
blocks from here, the DuMont?

Oh, yeah. Near the stop
sign with the testicles

- graffitied on it.
- That's the one.

I've done some handyman stuff there.

It's an interesting old place.

Nothing works in the whole
building, but it's got charm.

Hold on. I wonder if
Larry hid the netsuke

- at his apartment building.
- Huh.

Teddy, you got to go
there and find the Netflixy.

- Netsuke. - Yeah, so you can
surprise Helen with it.

Whoa, you'd score huge points
with her if you did that.

- I would?
- Are you kidding me?

You'd be her Prince Charming.
It's a friggin' fairy tale.

Wait, I thought he was
Cinderella. Now he's a prince?

He can be both, Bob.

Yeah, Dad, read a book.

Huh. I do still have keys.

Let's all go right now.
We can help you find it.

Yes, let's do it for love.

And for Louise to get a super
valuable snail sculpture.

No, Louise, it's not
yours, even if you find it.

Come on.

Let's all help Teddy find the
thing and get his dream girl.

Yeah, great. Let's close a little early

and go probably not
find something somewhere.

All right.

Wow.

This place is older than Dad.

- No offense, Dad.
- None taken.

- A lot of buildings are.
- Not in this country.

Okay, so every apartment
has vents and fireplaces.

And we're gonna check 'em all.

Come on, Teddy's magical future
life with Helen depends on us.

And why are people gonna just let us in?

We'll tell 'em, uh, we're
here to do maintenance stuff.

- You know, we'll fib a little.
- Oh, boy.

"Open up, tenant, we
need to search your holes."

There you go. Gene gets it.

So we should probably split
up. There's three floors.

Bob, Gene, you guys start at the top.

- We'll meet you in the middle.
- And we'll all kiss.

Fine

- Not now.
- Okay.

Uh, d-don't bother with the elevator.

It hasn't worked in
30 years, apparently.

It's basically just a
big fancy birdcage now.

So, stairs, then? Perfect.

Anyone want to trade, third floor?

Hello? Who's there?

Hi, my son and I are here
with Teddy the handyman.

We're here to check some pipes.

Uh, great. Come in, come in.

I-I called about the
pipes a few weeks ago.

The hot water in the
kitchen just trickles out.

-TMI. - Follow me. Can I get
you something to drink?

Maybe some warm water from
the sink, if you have an hour?

Ha. Uh, no. We're-we're good, thanks.

Why are we looking at his pipes?

Oh, crap. Did I say "pipes"?

We were
supposed to say "vents."

Or was it "vests"? Want
to check him for vests?

- You guys see a cat in here?
- Um, no, no...

If you do, it's not mine.

- Let it out.
- Okay.

- Should we just leave?
- No, we should help this guy.

I think he's blind.

Let's look at his pipes

and then maybe we can
casually switch to vents.

Then vests.

Here's where it's trickling.
Sorry it's dark in here,

but you probably have
your own work light, right?

Uh, uh, we, uh...

We don't... We don't have it on us.

It's in the truck. Our
big butch truck for boys.

- We both drive.
- Gene, stop talking.

Who'd you say you were, again?

- Oh, uh...
- Fleetwood Mac!

No, we're not, we're not Fleet...

- We are Fleetwood Mac.
- We're... our...

The name of our company
is Fleetwood Mac.

We're handymen.

- Are you?
- H-Handy?

- Yes.
- We're handsy

- Gene.
- Uh, well,

I'm gonna go back to my shows.

Great. Well, we'll be in here.

With our plumber butts.

Fix, fix, fix, fix, fix, fix.

Hi.

Uh, we would like to check
out your heating vents.

All, all of you?

- That's right.
- Doesn't make a lot of sense.

- No, no, it does.
- Oh, it does?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It
makes perfect sense.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay. Sure, why not?

- Come in.
- Great, thanks.

Oh, I know you.

Yeah, I, I-I swapped out

your refrigerator a
couple of months ago.

Of course! Yeah, how's your back?

Uh, I thought it was
gonna snap like a wishbone.

My wish would have been

that I didn't have a herniated disc.

Eh...

Would you rather have
a his-niated disc?

His-niated.

- Ah.
- Right.

Yeah. I'm Kathleen, by the way.

Uh, me, too. Yeah.

Uh, no. I mean, no.

You're Kathleen. I'm Teddy.

Whoa. Chemistry alert.

Uh, what sport are you watching here?

Wha-What is this, grass
hockey or something?

- People polo?
- People polo?

Pl - -No, it's hurling.
-Hurling? What... ?

What-What's hurling?

Well, it's-it's like if
hockey, soccer, and baseball

had a baby, and then
that baby joined a gang...

Hey, Mom, Louise, quick hallway meeting?

Did you guys see Teddy
and Kathleen in there?

- They're really hitting it off.
- No. Tina, what?

- We're here for Teddy and Helen.
- And the netsuke.

Just saying, we're-we're
here to help Teddy find love,

but what if it's not with Helen?

Listen, when rich and
beautiful Helen sees Teddy

marching in there with that nutsky...

- Netsuke.
- She is going to pick him up

and carry him away, and they're
gonna live happily ever after

- in her beach house castle.
- 'Cause she's rich.

Well, maybe Teddy doesn't
need a rich Princess Charming

to pick him up and carry him away.

Maybe he needs a nice lady

with either a charming speech impediment

or a cool accent... I can't tell...

In a sensible apartment
to watch weird sports with.

Sorry, Mom. I'm on Team Kathleen.

Well, I'm on Team Helen.

Remember, we're here to make
Teddy and Helen a reality

Pfft. Well, I'm here to make
Teddy and Kathleen a reality.

Helen and Teddy are gonna
toast me at their wedding,

and you are gonna have
to clap and smile nice.

Well, I'll try and get you an invitation

to Kathleen and Teddy's
wedding but no promises.

And it's probably going
to be a destination wedding

- in wherever Kathleen's from.
- I want to say Pennsylvania?

Too bad Kathleen's bonding
up a storm with Teddy,

and Helen's not even here...

- Damn.
- There she is.

Um, hi.

Oh, she's even better
looking than I remember.

Oh, boy.

- What's going on?
- Helen, hey.

What-what-what... what
are you doing here?

- How about you first?
- I was looking for that, uh,

uh, thing of Larry's, and
these Belchers were helping me.

Well, that's fun that you
shared that information

with so many people.

This thing has a lot of
sentimental value for me.

Maybe actual value. Who knows?

You know, this feels
like a reward situation,

since this thing has so much

sentimental value,
right? I mean... right?

Yes, yes, of course let's have a reward.

How does $20 sound?

Oh... like not enough money. $50.

Well, aren't you a little businesswoman?

- Okay, deal.
- Thousand. $50,000.

- Louise. Shushies.
- Oh, you're Larry's widow.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Losing
a husband really sucks.

I know, I... I lost one, myself.

Yeah, it's rough.

It's really, really rough stuff.

- Who's this?
- That's Kathleen.

She lives in 1-A.

Larry was a nice guy and
a delight of a neighbor.

What do you mean, neighbor?

Neigh-bor. Am I saying
that right? Neigh-bor?

He stayed here when he was in
town? In his apartment? 3-B?

Uh, I mean, of course I know
he had an apartment here. Duh.

Yeah, you were... you
were saying it weird.

That son of a bitch
had a secret man cave.

- Did-did it work now?
- No.

- Now?
- No.

So, keep doing this
a hundred more times?

Well, turning this
thing is the full extent

of my plumbing knowledge.
Wait. Did it work now?

- No.
- Now?

- Hell no.
- Why hell no?

Just switching it up.

Old baseball mitts, vintage board games.

It's like he filled this place

with everything I wouldn't
let him have at home.

So, Kathleen, I love your hair. Tell me.

How long ago did your husband pass away?

Appropriate time to
start dating again ago?

Smooth, T. Perfect.

Eight years ago. He was hit by a train.

Oh. I'm so sorry. That's terrible.

Oh. Did you sue the city for millions?

Oh, you Americans.

Suing for millions isn't
gonna bring him back.

Plus, you know, he loved trains.

- Uh, who doesn't?
- Booze cart? What?

Teddy, come here. Help
me fix Helen a drink.

- Come on, come on, come on.
- Okay.

Well, good luck finding
what you're looking for.

- Uh, where are you going?
- Back to my apartment.

- It's where I keep my telly.
- But wait!

Don't you want to stay and
talk with Teddy? Oh, she's gone.

Helen, look at Teddy pour these drinks

He's like friggin'
Tom Cruise in Cocktail.

Yeah, I went to bartending school.

Best four years of my life.

- Ooh, make me a Mai tai!
- A what?

Helen, do you mind if I smash this vase?

Oh, please do. I hate that vase.

- Yes.
- Louise, no.

Damn it. Where are you going?

After Kathleen. I've
got a match to make.

I'll join you. Maybe
Larry's secret apartment

is too obvious a place to hide a secret.

- Oh, hey, guys. How's it going?
- It's going weird. You?

Same. Dad, are you lost?

Um, no. We're helping this guy in 3-A.

I just can't figure out
where this pipe goes to.

If these two go to the
radiator, what is this one?

- Maybe it goes to your butt?
- Yeah, Dad. Check it.

- Oh, hey... guys.
- What you eating?

- Cold pasta.
- Hot damn.

Do... you want some?

Mmm. Mmm, mmm.

This is cold pasta, all right.

I'm gonna look around your apartment,

but it'll be totally normal. Ignore me.

Okay... ?

Speaking of cold pasta... what
do you... look for in a fella?

Uh, I suppose I-I like
guys that are kind...

- Check.
- And strong.

Super check. Hey, Teddy, we
need you down in 1-A, buddy!

And brilliant! I wouldn't
kick brilliant out of bed

- for fartin' up the sheets.
- Brilliant. Uh-huh.

Um, still come on down, Teddy!

There in a sec!

And, uh, you know
who's never had an STD?

Teddy... pretty sure.

Hmm. Not really listening, but great.

- He was in the Navy, but, uh...
- Uh-huh.

Sounds like they need me i1-A.

I'm just gonna pop
down there real quick.

Hurry back! You got to be the
one to find the neti-potski!

Right, right, right.

Teddy, wait! We-We've got
a plumbing thing in here.

How do you, um, do plumbing?

Wish I had time, guys, but, uh...

here's a pliers, a wrench,
and a screwdriver. Godspeed.

So, these guys'll just
know what to do, right?

The wrench will. The screwdriver
doesn't know anything.

And don't ask the pliers!

Hi. You rang?

Yes, but first, you've
got something in your eye.

-I do?
-Oops, uh, where'd my glasses go?

Kathleen, can you take a really
long look at Teddy's eyes?

Okay.

Hmm, they're kind of bloodshot.
What am I looking for?

I have been welding without a mask.

Teddy, look into
Kathleen's eyes, deeply.

Wait, who's got something in their eye?

I'm seeing eye boogies.

You want me to get 'em out
or are we leaving them in?

- What are we doing?
- Let's leave 'em in.

Well, it's not in the
fireplace. Who's got a wet wipe?

Teddy?

Can you come upstairs to 2-B?

- Damn it.
- Okay, coming!

2-B? Uh, 2-B continued.
Am I right, Kathleen?

Not necessarily. People
could leave my apartment.

That's an option.

Uh, okay, I should
label these, probably.

Oh, it's one of these.

Okay. No. Ah,
ah! No. Ah! Not that one.

Ah! It's not that one,
either. Here we go.

- Okay.
- Not that time!

Come on! There we go. Open sesame.

Here we are. Apartment 2-B.

Currently empty. Nope.

Hello, sir. You look terrified.

Boy, Teddy the handyman.
Such a handy man.

Imagine having someone
around all the time

that could fix stuff for you.

Yeah. Especially around here,

where everything breaks
or leaks or smells.

And no one licensed has ever
stepped foot in this building.

Hell, even Larry would
pick up a hammer sometimes.

Try and nail down the loose
boards in the stairway.

And he did some plumbing
in the upstairs hallway,

for some reason.

Plumbing in the upstairs
hallway, you don't say.

- Well, I did say.
- You did.

- Yeah, I just said it.
- Uh, excuse us.

Tina girl, the pipes,
the pipes are calling.

- What?
- Pipes? Pipes are calling?

- You know, the song?
- "Danny Boy."

-Yeah, yeah, it's good.
-Yeah. It's "the pipes are calling."

- It's good.
- It's the...

Ugh, you know what, it-it doesn't...

You don't even need to know
the song, just come with me.

Dad said he couldn't figure
out where this pipe went.

What if it doesn't go anywhere?

Holy crap, you found it.

Come on, let's collect our dough and go.

Right, we tell Helen,

we get a reward, and then we leave,

and we'll never know if Kathleen
and Teddy were meant to be.

Yup. Good plan. Let's do that.

Unless we don't because
we never found the netsuke.

What Kathleen and
Teddy need is more time

for their romance to blossom.

Come on, let's get this
guy back in its pipe.

Whoa, but what about the reward?

We'll "find" it again in a little bit,

after Teddy and Kathleen
realize they're falling in love.

Then you'll get your reward.

And you'll do my restaurant
chores for a month. Deal?

Fine, whatever. Who's the
super-matchmaker now, huh?

- Um, you are?
- Damn friggin' right I am.

Okay, treasure re-hidden, good, good.

Now let's get back to forcing
Kathleen and Teddy together.

The beginning of
every great love story.

Crap. Teddy's with Helen.

It's coming from the laundry room.

What's going on in here?

Nothing. We're just venting.

I've been waiting a
long time to say that.

Totally worth it.

Okay, we can laugh and look.

Huh, candles.

I might've lit a couple.
Maybe it's romantic, who knows?

Ugh! Come on, Louise.

Okay, this might work.
We, uh, we loosened it

and, uh, then we tightened it.
I feel pretty good about this.

- Okay, does it work now?
- No.

Oh, crap. Just lie to me at this point.

- Really?
- No.

Happy to lie to you about your hair.

- What's wrong with it?
- Nothing.

Wait, does it work now?

- Yes!
- Really?

- Yes! What did you do?
- I turned the thing!

I thought that's what
you were doing before.

Uh, I was turning it wrong,
but let's not focus on that.

We fixed the sink!

We fixed the sink! Come up to me.

I need to hold you.

I'm coming!

This might take a minute.

Here, let me pull on your ear.

Ow! Don't pull!

Let me look at your
little beautiful face!

- I'm out! We did it!
- Oh, we did it!

We did it!

You two sure are happy
about doing your job.

- Oh, uh, yeah, well, we, uh...
- I'm kidding.

You're my new favorite handymen.

I'm gonna recommend Fleetwood
Mac to all my friends.

Is that sound what I think it is?

No. No, definitely not.

Eh, come in, I guess?

Hey, Kathleen, I had such a hankering

for more of that cold pasta.

Mind if I help myself? Cool, thanks.

She couldn't stop talking about it.

Yeah, the secret's letting
it sit in the fridge

for a couple of weeks.

Oh, man! I-I got red sauce
all over this dish towel.

- You clumsy fool.
- Ooh.

Wait. Wha-What's-what's
happening?

- Are you... are you people okay?
- Kathleen,

you got to get this towel to
the laundry room right now.

Come with us? Show us
where it is? Fix your hair?

No, never mind. Th-There's
no time, you look great.

- Move it.
- Coming through.

- Now you're st pushing.
- Hey, girls.

Bit of an emergency here.
Teddy, I need you and Kathleen

to stand shoulder to shoulder...

It's okay if your shoulders touch...

And rub stain remover on this towel.

- Hurry.
- Okay.

It-It's a little cramped in here,

- so, Helen and Mom, can you guys leave?
- No.

How about we don't worry
about a towel right now?

Yeah, I don't even wash that towel ever.

That's not a pattern;
that's just stains.

May I remind all the
children that whoever finds

the special item we're
looking for will get 50 bucks?

Oh, yeah, we're looking
like crazy for that thing.

We're just... um, Th-this towel
situation came out of nowhere.

- Oh, really?
- Speaking of rewards,

I feel like you'd get that
special item way faster

if you doubled it.

Tina, Louise. A word.

You're acting weird. What's
up with this towel crap?

Girls, talk.

We're not hiding anything,
Mom, you're hiding anything.

And we haven't found anything,
either. So that's sett-settled.

You found the
netsadoodle, didn't you?

Pfft. Wh-What? Pfft. As if.

- Louise, am I wrong?
- What's it worth to you?

- Louise.
- What? I can't negotiate?

All right, here's the offer.

Tell me where it is and
you're both not grounded.

Here's my counteroffer...
you're grounded.

These are terrible offers, both of them.

Where is it?!

Teddy, come with me.

There's a... fire in the... toilet.

A dummy pipe. Course
it's in a dummy pipe.

I'm the dummy that didn't think of that.

You're not a dummy,
Teddy. You're a smarty.

Because you found this
all on your own, remember?

And Helen's gonna fall in
love with you because of it,

and because of who you are
inside and stuff like that,

- and not how you smell.
- Right. Sure.

Ah! Let me see it.

Linda, where are you?

Helen. Ah!

No, no, no, no, no.

Crap.

Oh, Linda, where'd
my looking buddy go?

You're the one that reaches
in all the gross places.

Down in a sec!

- Where'd it go?
- There it is.

This looks totally safe.

You know, if I, uh, took a step or two,

uh, I could probably get it.

No. Lin, if anyone's going
out there, it should be me.

Here I go. Cinderella time.

Okay. Be careful, Teddy.
Try-try to be light.

Yeah, I-I-I got to be
really... Whoa, whoa, whoa! Ah!

Teddy! Are you all right?

Yeah. I can easily hold on
for another... minute or less.

- Teddy? Are you up there?!
- I am!

- Are you okay?
- Uh, sort of.

Well, uh, yeah, see, he found
the netslinky and then he, uh...

He found the netsuke?
I'll be right up.

- Oh, now I see him. Oh, Lordy.
- Crap, crap, crap, crap.

We cleaned up the water, we
screwed the faucet back on...

No, not all of it. Not
all the way. I mean,

hopefully a real plumber
will come and fix everything.

Yeah, but he won't have
a hot little son working

with him like you do.

Bob, come here.

What the hell? What happened?

- I don't want to talk about it.
- Should we call the fire department?

Sure, if they can come
in the next 20 seconds

'cause my hands are starting to slip.

Can we get the elevator
back to his feet?

But how do we do it? It's broken.

You got to do it manually.

Th-Th-There's a lever on the roof.

It's a brake for the counterweight.

I-If you release it, the
elevator car should go up.

Uh, okay, Teddy,
I-I'm going to the roof.

The father and hot son plumbing
team is going to the roof!

So, uh, where's the netsuke now?

- Helen, hi.
- Hi, Teddy.

I found that thing that you want.

Yes, I know. Thank you very, very much.

- Where is it?
- I kind of lost track of it.

Last time I saw it, it was
on the roof of the elevator.

There it is.

♪

Whoa.

Are you up there?!

Yeah! We-we found
the pulleys and stuff!

- Great!
- And it doesn't look complicated at all!

Do you know which one we're
supposed to pull? Or push?

I have no idea.

Dad, just guess the right one.

Okay, okay, uh...

- Did that work?
- No.

- Did that work?
- No!

- This is our process.
- Hang on, Teddy.

Okay, trying another one!

- It's working.
- Wait, wait, wait. Stop. Stop!

Uh, okay, stopping.

Why?

- Uh, wha-what's going on?
- If the elevator keeps going up,

my netsuke could fall off and break.

But if the elevator doesn't go up,

then Teddy will fall.

Probably. I have no
feeling left in my hands.

But there's a chance he might not fall.

And that's just a risk
we'll have to take.

What? Are you serious?

Don't say it like that.
He'll be fine. Maybe.

- Oh, my God, Helen's horrible.
- Yeah, she is.

I don't know if I can
hold on much longer.

Uh, okay, I'm pushing it again.

- No!
- Yes, push it!

Gotcha!

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

I-I'm slipping.

- Are you okay?!
- I-I am okay.

We did it. We saved Teddy
and fixed the faucet.

We... we didn't fix the faucet.

Uh, getting a little
close to the ceiling, Bob.

Want to push that lever
back the other way?

Sorry, sorry, sorry. Doing it.

- Teddy. Oh, you're okay.
- Teddy. -T, thank God.

Get in here.

Cool. Glad you're okay, Teddy.

That's good. Well, got to go, you guys,

you know, maybe to an
auction house, maybe not.

Who knows how late they're even open.

Whoa, whoa, whoa-hey!

What, that's it? What about the reward?

Well, here's the problem. No cash.

- Oh, my God.
- Ooh, online gift card?

- Check your e-mail. Bye.
- Ugh, no. Wha...

Oh, my netsuke.

Yeah. That's the loose board.

Ah. Just a little
crack. It's okay. It's...

Ah, son of a bitch! It broke!

Stupid cat. Stupid snails.

- Stupid dead Larry!
- Keep in touch.

So, Larry had a secret apartment.

Uh, seems healthy.

Teddy, I'm so sorry I
almost got you killed

getting the Napster back.

I was on a crazy matchmaking high.

- Netsuke.
- Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

- Nescafé.
- Perfect.

Mmm, that's good.

I'm sorry, too, Teddy. If I
hadn't re-hidden that thing,

you never would have been
in that elevator shaft.

I forgive you guys.

You were thinking of my best interests.

Kinda. Maybe.

You know, I thought looking
for the thingy was a fairy tale,

and Teddy was supposed to end
up with the young rich princess.

But maybe not. Maybe
he's supposed to end up

with a nice princess in sweatpants.

Wait, what's going on?

Shh, shh, shh. Kathleen, didn't you have

a wobbly cabinet door in your kitchen?

Yeah, they're all wobbly.

Want Teddy to handyman it up?

Oh, yeah, Teddy, you want
to take a look at that?

I don't know. I-I can't
move my fingers very well.

Uh, is that water coming
in under the door?

On it.

(à la "You Make Loving Fun"): ♪ You

♪ You make plumbing fun

♪ It's all I wanna do

♪ You

♪ You make plumbing fun

All right.

♪ It's all I wanna do

- ♪ You, Dad
- ♪ Gene

♪ You make plumbing fun

Uh-huh.

♪ It's all I wanna do

- ♪ My son
- ♪ You

♪ You make plumbing fun

Yes!

♪ It's all I wanna do.

Subtitle sync and corrections by
ChrisKe for www.addic7ed.com.