Original subtitles

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]

[CRASH]

[CRASHING]

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

[CRASH]

[TICKING]

[PLUNK]

[BANGING]

[WHIRRING]

[FALLING OBJECT WHIZZING]

[SNIFFING]

Ah!

Mmmm.

Mmm-mwah!

Huh? Hoo?

Ahhh...

Hee hee hee hee.

Hee hee hee hee hee hee.

[CLATTER]

Hee he--

[DRILL WHIRRING, HAMMER CLANGING]

[♪]

[RATTLING]

Huh?

Wah wah wah!

[HORNS BLARING]

This is our masterpiece!

It brings a tear to my eye.

[LAWNMOWER BUZZING]

Huh?

[♪]

Huh? Huh?

Yah-ah-ah! Yah-ah-ah!

Yah! Yah!

Whoa! Whoa!

Ah! Ah!

Vandals!

L-l-let's get them!

That hurt.

Phoo!

[♪]

[SMASHING]

[CRASH]

Ladies and gentlemen of the press,

welcome to the International Space Place.

[SOMEONE CLAPS]

We here at the Space Place are proud to announce today

that the long-awaited Mission to Mars mission

is ready to be launched.

[APPLAUSE]

We intend to prove positively

that there is no life on the planet Mars.

As you are certainly aware,

a mission of this expense is very...expensive.

We just wouldn't shoot two knuckleheads up there

to try and hit the planet Mars.

Nooo, sir.

Hours of serious thought have gone into this undertaking.

And now, let me introduce our intrepid space travelers,

the only men we could find

that were bold enough to overlook, um...

certain shortcomings and volunteer

for this first ever manned mission to Mars.

I give you Majors Biff Buzzard and Buzz Blister!

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

[SMASH]

BUZZ: Ladies and gentlemen of the press,

the myth of little green men will soon be put to rest.

[WHOMP]

[PEOPLE MURMURING]

[PEOPLE GASP]

[♪]

[SQUISH, SQUISH]

Aah!

Little green men!

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

Ohhh...

Aah-ha-ha! Eee!

Aliens. Real aliens.

Hel...lo.

Welcome...to...Earth.

We hope you have come in peace.

Hey, wait a minute.

They aren't aliens!

Hey. You're right!

It's a cat.

And a mouse.

Get them!

[WHAM] Oof! Ah!

[BAM] Oof! Aiyee! [WHACK]

[CLANG] Yargh! Yeow! [CRUNCH]

Yah! [THUMP] Ooh! [BUMP]

[POW] Yow!

[SMACK] [CRACK] Argh! [THWACK]

Grrrr!

Huh? Huh? Huh? Yeah-- Wh--?

COMMANDER: Get them!

Ahh... Phwoo!

[♪]

Now watch as I simply add a single drop of water

to this powdered pizza dinner, and:

Delicious. Just like mom tried to make.

Ah!

Get the stuff loaded onto the rocket immediately.

Aah! Aah!

Dahhh!

Rrrr. Rrrr. Rrrr!

Aah!

What is going on here?

Well, uh, sir, uh...

these here dehydrated dinners, [CLUCK, CLUCK]

they exploded and, uh...ahem

we don't really know why.

Well, obviously, they've been rehydrated.

Yes, well, sir,

as near as we can tell, the dinners got wet.

Yes, that's what rehydrated means!

Okay? A-and got wet real fast.

And then it just sort of went, well, er...

kablooey.

Look. Things just don't go kablooey on their own.

Things go kablooey for a reason.

There has to be a reason for things going kablooey.

Find that reason.

Or, gentlemen,you

will go kablooey!

Yes, sir!

Hey, a mouse!

Mouse in the house!

Get him! Catch him!

Whoooa...

Whoaaa...

I don't want it to go kablooo...

Eee!

[CRASH]

A mouse! Commander, we have a mouse in the house!

Yes, we know, doctor.

Perhaps that pussycat can be of use to us.

Science has shown

that cats harbor an instinctive dislike for mice

and rodents in general.

Good thinking, Dr. Gluckman.

Gentlemen, we need to get that pussycat back.

Perhaps this rehydrated fish can be of use, sir.

[RUMBLE]

Okay, shh!

Now, Earl, don't scare him off.

Just take it slow. Take it slow.

Get it, get it, get it!

Nah!

Grab him.

We have a job for you, Mr. Pussycat.

Yeah, this is your big day.

[♪]

Mr. Pussycat,

with this job comes an awesome responsibility.

Are you up to it?

COMMANDER: We have a mouse,

and it's up to you, Mr. Pussycat, to...

eliminate him.

Do it for Earth my boy-- Er, uh, pussycat.

Do it for the greater good.

Do it for science!

[♪]

[WHISTLES]

Hee hee hee hee!

[♪]

[BOTH ROCKETS SPUTTERING]

[BEEP]

[CLICKING]

What was that?

I don't know, maybe one of the guys

dropped a wrench or something.

Boy, this is gonna be

the easiest 20 bucks we've ever made.

BUZZ: Imagine anyone thinking

that there's such a thing as Martians.

Well I wouldn't be scared if we, you know,

met up with some real Martians.

Well...

I wouldn't either.

Ah! Ah!

Okay, men, we are just about to begin countdown.

Everything all set up there?

Yes, sir.

Roger that.

Prepare ignition procedure.

I...

have to go the little astronaut's room.

Aw! You should have gone before we--

BIFF:Look, I know. BUZZ: You're always doing this.

My kidney weighs 20 pounds. How many times must I tell you?

Okay, you two knock it off!

This is serious.

No, for real, I have to go.

[ROCKET WHIRRING]

MAN:Eight, seven, six, five...

Buh-buh-buh-blast off!

ALL: Phew!

Ah-- Ah-- Ah--

[SCRATCH]

[SCRATCHING]

[SCRAPING]

All systems go on our end.

BUZZ:All systems

go here as well.

We are ready to jettison

first stage of rocket on your command, Commander.

Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee.

[♪]

I love this part!

You are clear to jettison initial stage.

Whew.

Huh!

[♪]

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

Ah.

This is a breeze, Buzz.

All systems are go.

[DING, DING, DING]

Congratulations, gentlemen,

you are now leaving Earth's atmosphere.

Zero gravity should commence right about...

[TICKING]

now!

[♪]

[SQUEAK]

Ha ha ha ha!

[TWANG, TWANG]

[WHACK]

[WHACK]

[WHACK]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ]

Huh! It's an air leak.

Radiation shields up.

Planetary arbitration disks online.

Backup marine velocity centrometer.

Binary supersonic repositioning flap cables.

Ion gages tour ready.

Arm magnesium plant.

Ion cables go! Disks online.

Backup--

It's the window in the second stage.

It's broken.

Quick! Shut the emergency hatch!

Ree-arrrr!

[AIR HISSING]

Boy, that was a close one.

Too close. Should I engage the artificial gravity now.

Sure. All this floating around makes me...

nauseous.

[HONK]

[ALARM BUZZING]

[JETSONS' THEME PLAYING]

[ZOOM]

Ahem...

[ZAP] Sir,

somehow the rockets' trajectory has been, uh, discombobulated.

Discombobulated.

If isn't corrected,

the rocket will crash into the Sun and be vaporized.

I don't think the men will like this.

Maybe we can put it to them...nicely.

[♪]

[ALARM BEEPING]

Hey, aren't we supposed to be heading for the big red dot?

Hey, yeah.

Something's wrong.

Yeah, I'll say.

[BEEPING FADES]

[PHONE RINGING]

Uh, hello, boys.

BOTH: Hi, commander.

Listen, I don't want to alarm you fellows,

but we have a teensy-weensy little problem.

[♪]

It seems that the trajectory of the rocket

has gone a little bit, well...

A little bit funny.

Funny? Funny?

Yes, that's right, funny.

And it seems that,

uh, if it's not corrected,

you two will, uh...

crash into the Sun

and you will be vaporized.

Y-you mean we're gonna crash?

That doesn't sound veryfunny to me.

And me without my sun block.

One of you will have to go outside the ship

open the fuse box and, well...

Jiggle the wire on the thingy!

You mean that antennae thingy, sir?

Yes, that's it, the antennae thingy.

Rrrr...

Uh, rock beats a laser gun, right?

No. No it doesn't.

Well, you win.

You're just too good, Biff. You always win.

Well, then, out you go.

Right. That will teach you.

BIFF: Hey, wait a minute.

BUZZ:Come on, man, hurry up.

I don't want to crash into the Sun.

I'm hurrying.

[BEEP]

[MACHINERY WHIRRING]

[ALARM BUZZING]

Uh-oh.

BIFF:What's "uh-oh" mean?

Somehow...

we're going to light speed!

Open this--

Mother of-- Yow!

[DISTORTED] Can't...reach...lever.

Make it stop!

Mommy!

Yahh!

Meow!

Squeak!

Yaaah!

[CLANG]

Huh?

Hah, hah, hah. Rrrr...

Rah!

Yuh-yuh-yuh!

Ooph!

[PHONE RINGING]

Well, men...

there she is.

What?

Mars. Where?

The big red thing underneath you.

BOTH: Oh, that.

Yes, wow.

"Yes, wow" is right.

So the big moment is here, everybody.

[GULP] [GULP]

Okay, prepare the lander.

You know, maybe we should wait a minute or two.

Yeah, you know, just to sort of get used to this.

Yeah.

Get in that lander, you two knuckleheads!

Or we might just decide to leave you up there.

[SNAP]

Well, here we are, Biff,

the first men on Mars.

BIFF: Well, we're not exactlyon Mars yet.

BUZZ: No, but we will be, in a second.

This doesn't look anything like

the Mars we see in movies.

Yes, chum, this is nothing like the angry red planet.

I don't see any monsters.

I was looking forward to battling monsters.

This is more boring than shopping with your wife.

Doesn't look like much, does it?

Just as we thought: a completely lifeless hulk.

So who wants to be the first man on Mars, you?

Ooph!

Wha-ah-ah! Ooh! [SMACK]

Congratulations.

Very funny.

[SQUISH] Ree-arrr!

Pbbbbt!

Pbbbbt!

Pbbbbt!

Pbbbbt!

Pbbbbt!

Pbbt! Pbbt!

Pbbbbt! Pbbbbt!

Astonishing.

Zillions of dollars spent.

Massive amounts of research and traing.

All geared toward answering

man's most compelling of questions.

Are we...alone?

[BEEP]

[GASPS]

Well, sort of looks like it, for the moment, anyway.

No, I mean, is humanity alone,

here, among the vastness of space.

Are we to find other life

amongst this inconceivable immensity of galaxies

and clusters of galaxies

and clusters of clusters

which are speeding apart into the ever expanding distance?

Is mankind all there is?

And what is man really, Buzz?

Ummmm...

I'll tell you.

We are simply a recently developed scurf

on the epidermis of one of the lesser satellites

of a minor star in the outer arm

of an average galaxy,

amidst one of the lesser clusters

among the thousands catapulting apart,

which took form some 15 billion years ago

as a consequence

of an inconceivable preternatural event!

Right...

Well, I don't see a thing, if that's what you mean.

Nope.

Guess that answers that question.

Let's hit it.

[WIND WHISTLING]

[BUMPING]

Whew.

[♪]

Blagh!

[AIR SQUEAKING]

[ENGINE REVVING]

[♪]

Hee hee hee.

Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee.

[BEEP, CLICK]

Grrrr! Grr!

Grrr!

Arf! Arf!

Rahr!

Ubu!

No!

Oooo.

[♪]

Yah! Ah!

[BEEP, CLICK]

It's very rude to point laser guns at strangers.

[WHIR]

Peep, what have you found?

What do you make of this strange creature, Grob?

Hmm...

Doesn't look like he's from around here.

He might taste good.

True. In the right sauce, he might make a fine main course

for His Royal Martian Majesty.

No, you fools! Look closer.

Does he not resemble the figure from the ancient scrolls?

Great bouncing Squitsnarfuls, Grob is right.

He looks just like the great Gloop.

You know, the brave Skweep Squeezer

from Planus Nine.

The one of who it is said

will bring great wisdom to our people.

[SNIFF]

Uh...I don't think so.

I think he's just a cute alien.

If'n he is,

that means the ancient prophecies are right.

What joy!

At last, the Great Gloop has come!

If so, we must take him back to the palace

and pay homage to him.

Um, yeah, okay. I'm not exactly certain he's...

MALE MARTIANS: All hail the Great Gloop!

Hail! Hail! Hail!

We must bring him to King Thingg.

And so we shall.

[BEEP]

[ZAP]

We must move quickly.

Soon the Martian desert

will be crawling with Pootsnarfuls

and many other unsavory creatures of night.

It will not be safe.

Come. We have gone too far. We have time to lose.

I mean, come, we have far to go, we have no time to lose.

That's better.

Oh, smegnar! I always mess that up.

Rahh!

Oh! Ah!

Rahhh!

Aahhh!

A Pootsnarful! After it!

It has the Great Gloop and Peep!

We must save them!

Careful! Do not shoot!

You may hit Peep or the Great Gloop.

Well, what should we do?

Aah! Whoa!

Rahhh!

Ba-caw!

Whoo!

Ugh!

Ow! Ow!

Oh!

Ooh! Ow! Oh!

Whoo!

Ooh!

Oh! You saved me.

Er, sorry about that, Great Gloop.

[♪]

Behold, Great Gloop,

our fair Martian city, Toledo.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Who goes there?

Friend or...not a friend?

Friend.

It is I, Grob.

I have great news for His Highness King Thingg

and must have an immediate audience.

[MARTIANS MURMURING]

GIRL: Ooh! The Great Gloop!

Ooh! Hoo hoo hoo!

MALE MARTIAN: My favorite Martians.

I present to you His Supreme Majesty,

the imperious ruler of the red planet,

keeper of the Squink-diddlies of Sprong,

holder of the scepter of Fleebis

and all-around swell guy,

King Thingg!

[TRUMPETS PLAY BOLD FANFARE]

[POP]

[FIZZLE]

[♪]

[CHEERING] MALE MARTIAN: King Thingg!

[TWEET]

Ah!

Oof! Ah! Oh-holee-hoo!

Oh!

Hey!

Ooh! Ah! Whoo-hoo!

Hey! Hoo! Ha! Ho!

Ooh! Oh!

Workman's comp!

I've fallen and I...can't...rule.

Make it stop. Make it stop. Oh!

[WEDDING SONG PLAYS]

Must put in elevator! Oh! Eee!

Wah! Wah! Wah!

Ai! My crown. Whoo!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Wahhh!

Bruising. Bruise. Painful.

Broken bones. Oof!

I...meant to do that.

I believe him to be the Great Gloop,

the one spoken of in the ancient scrolls.

[SNIFF, SNIFF]

You are correct, Grob.

It is he, the Great Gloop.

The Great Gloop has returned to us.

Ha-zah!

ALL: Ha-zah!

ALL: Ha-zah!

Ha-zah! Ha-zah!

At last! What a great day!

Let the celebration begin!

ALL: Yay!

Squee!

Squee, squee, squee.

Yar, yar, yar.

Chee-chee-chee.

Chee!

[♪]

[MARTIANS CHEERING]

Rahhh!

Aah!

[MARTIANS SCREAMING]

Aahhh!

In exchange for the infinite wisdom

you will bring to us,

we offer you these gifts.

Sire.

How dare you interrupt the royal feast.

I'm sorry, sire,

but a giant has infiltrated the walls of the city.

Is this a joke?

There are no such things as giants!

Aaah!

A giant!

[MARTIANS SCREAMING]

[ALL YELLING]

Aah, ha-ha!

Ha ha ha ha.

[YELLING]

[YELLING]

[♪]

[MARTIANS CLAMORING]

Fellow Martians!

Because this fuzzy giant monster

has made a shambles

of our lovely city,

he will be dumped in the hole with Ted,

the flesh-eating lava-dweller.

ALL: Yay! Ted!

The Great Gloop will be given the honor

of pulling the lever,

sending this destructive and fuzzy giant to his doom.

ALL: Yeah!

You may pull this when ready, Great Gloop.

Just give it a pull.

Wait. Hold it. Stop.

This...

is not...

the Great Gloop.

He is an impostor.

CROWD: Huh? Wha...?

What do you mean?

They are aliens.

From-- From Earth.

Earth? Earth? Earthlings?

ALL: Aliens!

Nonsense!

There is no life on Earth. Is there?

Apparently so, my king.

You see...

a spacecraft was detected on our scopes earlier.

It landed and stayed only long enough

to drop these two invaders off.

[ALL GASP]

They must be the first wave of an invasion.

One pretends to be the Great Gloop

and the other destroys our city.

So...

try to take over Mars, will you,

Earthling?

ALL: Yay!

Rarrr! Huh!

Rah!

Rah. Rah.

Rah. Rah.

Rar!

Rarrr!

They're getting away.

Peep is a traitor.

She helped the invaders escape.

Ah!

Okay.

That's all right.

You're welcome. Now that's--

That's okay-- Okay, you're welcome. Okay.

Look, I know my people are going to plan

an invasion of your planet in retaliation.

We have to get you back there so you can warn them.

We'll have to

sneak back to the city and steal a saucer.

Can either of you pilot a flying saucer?

Well, that figures. Okay, come on.

We'd better hurry. Follow me.

Today, we invade Earth.

Prepare the saucers.

We've got to get into one of those saucers.

MALE MARTIAN [OVER SPEAKERS]:All pilots report to your saucers

and prepare for liftoff.

Our target, Earth!

PEEP: Okay, boys, this is it.

The fate of your home planet is at stake.

PEEP: There's our saucer.

Let's go.

[MARTIANS YELLING]

Uh-oh.

Ho!

Wha-ha-ha-ha-ho-ho.

Close the hatch.

We gotta get out of here fast.

Press that one.

No, not that--!

[DING, DING, DING, DING,]

[DING, DING, DING]

Oh!

Launch the Invince-atron.

[BEEP, BEEP, CLICK]

Get that thing fixed!

[♪]

[BEEPING]

BUZZ:Mission control,

this is Mars One.

We are entering the atmosphere now.

Well, men, they should be landing any second.

ALL: Yeah! MAN: Whoo-hoo!

MAN 2: Yay-hey!

You guys need a maid.

[♪]

[BEEPING]

[ASTEROIDS WHOOSHING] What's that noise?

Oh, an asteroid field.

An asteroid field!

Remind me never to let you drive again.

Okay.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

[ENGINE & INVINCE-ATRON WHIRRING]

Well, it's about time, general.

[ENGINE SPUTTERING]

Ooh, come on!

[SIREN WAILING]

And so, ladies and gentlemen of the press,

without further delay,

I give you Buzz Blister and Biff Buzzard,

the brave astronauts who made this mission

the success that it was. Gentlemen.

[FEEDBACK WHINES]

So is there life on Mars?

Say, do we have to worry about an invasion

of extraterrestrial alien Martians from outer space?

I'm here to tell you all,

my inquisitive friends, once and for all,

there is absolutely...

unequivocally no life on Mars.

ALL: Martians?!

Yah!

Say, these are tiny.

Huh?

He's right.

Look, it's like a toy.

Heh, heh, heh.

What could this little thing possibly do

to a big strong astronaut like me?

All we need are some fly swatters

to combat this alien menace.

Say, they're kind of cute.

Gitchy-gitchy-goo--

Biff!

Speak to me, chum.

Ah-choo!

Dahh!

Oh ho ho ho.

Oh! Ahh! Aah!

Ohhhh...

Come on, Gluckman!

You're a scientist. What do we do?

I-- I-- I don't know.

This is unprecedented.

Come on, use that brain of yours,

you worthless egghead!

[♪]

[PEOPLE STILL SCREAMING]

Earthlings.

Rrr! Ah!

Is this thing on?

Earthlings, we are taking over your planet.

Right. Now listen up.

We Martians are in charge now, and--

Get that saucer's number.

But who?

Why? What?

[PEOPLE MURMURING]

COMMANDER: Hey. It's that crazy pussycat.

DR. GLUCKMAN: Yeah, and he caught the mouse.

Two mice.

Wait a minute. She's one of them!

Reintegrate them with this.

Trust me.

[YELLING]

Dah!

[YELLING, GASPING]

Mmm...

Biff! They've saved us.

So they did.

Maybe Martians aren't so bad after all.

ALL: Yay!

Gahhh!

[HEAVY STOMPING]

[PEOPLE YELLING]

It's the Invince-atron!

It's using its vacuum. Quick, back to the saucer!

Yah!

Wait. Don't leave us here.

Stop! Wait for us!

We'll press charges, you Martian menace!

[♪]

[YELLING]

Argh!

Oh!

Thanks.

Now, let's head right for him!

Ready?

Here we go.

[BIRDS TWEETING]

[GRUNTING]

Oh!

Ahhh!

Mm! Ah! Oh!

Ah! Ngh! Ngh!

Oh!

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

Ahhh! Ooh! Oh!

[GRUNTS]

I'm alive! I'm a--

[TEETH CHATTERING]

[♪]

Rrrr!

[CRASH]

[SPIKE GROWLING]

[BURPS]

[CRYING] Ah-hoo-hoo-hoo.

Waaah!

Mr. Pussycat, Mr. Mouse and, huh, huh, Miss Martian,

how can we ever repay you?

The entire planet owes you a debt of gratitude.

[CHEERING, APPLAUSE]

[AUSTRIAN ACCENT] If not for your ultra neat-o strategy

and super-dynamic braverosity and all--

You know what I mean. All would have been lost.

Okay, on behalf of all of these people on Earth,

I thank you. Here's a Hummer.

[♪]

[HEAVY STOMPING]

[ALL GASP]

[PEOPLE YELLING]

Hey, need a lift?

You and your big mouth.

Yeah?

How'd you like a free trip to Mars?

I already had one, thanks!

Ah! Ooh!

Yah! Oof!

What about this? Yeah?

[♪]

[♪]