All language subtitles for Batman s03e19 .eng

(male narrator)
A festive day in Gotham City.

And at a civic luncheon
at the Gotham Astoria..

...Police Commissioner Gordon
is being honored

for 25 years
of faithful service.

� For he's a jolly good fellow

� For he's a jolly good fellow

� For he's a jolly good fellow

� Which nobody can deny

� Which nobody can deny

Oh, thank you, Chief O'Hara.

But I.. I really don't think
I deserve all this.

Oh, daddy,
you're too modest.

Sure'n that he is.
Right, Mr. Wayne?

The commissioner deserves
far more than we can ever repay.

He's given the best years
of his life to Gotham City.

Where the devil
is Mayor Linseed?

He's supposed to
present a special award

to the commissioner.

There he is now,
with Mrs. Linseed.

[comical music]

[no dialog]

They seem to be arguing
about something, Dick.

[music continues]

Ladies and gentlemen,
as a token of our appreciation

for Commissioner Gordon's
long service

I wish to present him
with this 24-carat gold watch.

Commissioner..

[guests applauding]

And now..

...due to circumstances
beyond my control..

That is...um...due to
overwhelming considerations

I hereby discharge
Commissioner Gordon..

[intense music]

'...and in his stead'

I appoint, as the new Police
Commissioner of Gotham City..

Miss Nora Clavicle.

[murmuring]

The famous Nora Clavicle.

I didn't realize
her Crusade for Women

had gone this far.

I'd say she's won
that crusade.

Saints preserve us.
Saints preserve us all.

[theme music]

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman Batman Batman

� Batman Batman Batman

� Na na na na na
na na na na na �

� Batman

[marching band music]

[music continues]

Thank you, Mayor Linseed.

As the new Police Commissioner

I intend to carry on
my crusade for women's rights.

And to prove that women can run
Gotham City better than men.

Much better.

So, my first official act
will be to appoint

a new Police Chief.

Mrs. Linseed.

[murmuring]

I had no other choice,
Mr. Wayne.

My wife is such
a devoted follower

of Miss Clavicle's
Crusade for Women that..

...she refused to cook
or clean or wash my shirts

until I appointed Miss Clavicle
Commissioner of Police.

I've worn this shirt
for a week!

I haven't had
a decent meal in months!

It's alright, Mayor Linseed.
We understand.

Commissioner..

'Can you ever forgive me?'

Of course, Mayor Linseed,
I understand how difficult

it was for you.

The question is, how difficult
will it be for Gotham City?

One moment, sir.

I mean, ma'am!

It's her, sir.

Yes, Miss Clavicle?

Commissioner Clavicle, Batman,
calling to tell you

you can take
an extended vacation.

We girls are handling things now

and we won't need any help
from you men

Bat or otherwise.

Goodbye, Batman.

Hmm. There's something curious
about this affair.

Very curious, indeed, sir.

Well, we're dressed
for investigating.

Let's investigate!

There's nothing
to investigate yet, Robin.

However, we could take a ride
around Gotham City just in case.

Well, good luck, sir. We men
are counting on you, you know.

Right, Alfred.

To the Batmobile!

While, in the secret closet
behind Barbara Gordon's bedroom

Batgirl has
a very similar idea.

But even as she starts
her own investigation..

...what's happening
in Commissioner Gordon's..

Commissioner Clavicle's office?

Nora, what you're doing
is wonderful.

Women will finally take their
rightful place in the world.

Half the credit is yours,
Millie dear.

You reorganized
the police department.

It was nothing, really.

Nothing? To fire every man
on the police force

and replace them all with women?

That was quite a job.

Well, I'd better see that things
are running smoothly.

You do that, dear.

Now that she's out of the way

you girls may proceed
with Operation Ransack

while I proceed with
Operation Disaster Insurance.

But what about
Batman and Robin, boss?

Those masked menfolk?

Pshaw.

And what about...Batgirl?

Oh, yes! I forgot about her.

With a woman helping them

Batman and Robin might
just give us some trouble.

But all we have to
do is make a call

and lead them into a trap.

We can't call them, boss.

You cut the wire.

So I did. But we can still
lead them into a trap.

Well, how?
How can we find them?

Where does one usually
find Batman and Robin?

Well, usually, they're
at the scene of some crime--

Aha!

Ah, yes.
I see what you mean.

[laughing conspiratorially]

Later, at the Gotham City
National Bank

Angelina and Evelina
are making a scene..

...of a crime!

Hand over the goodies,
and don't dawdle!

- Officer!
- Oh!

Now look what
you've made me do!

But, b-but...there's a robbery!

It's all smeared!

[whining]

Then, add a little paprika

and simmer over a low flame
for 15 minutes.

(Evelina)
Don't forget the bay leaves.

(Angelina)
And a peppercorn or two.

- Thank you. Thank you!
- Thank you?

But my bank's
just been burgled.

I hadn't thought
of bay leaves. Yes.

Officer! Chase them!

They've just robbed my bank!

How can I chase them
when they have the car?

And all I have
are my new Givenchy shoes

and I'm certainly not
going to wreck them!

What's that, Car Six?

A clearance sale at Arbech's?

Ooh!

Calling all cars!
Girls, listen!

Arbech's has just marked all
their dresses down 20 percent.

I've been cruising
around myself, Batman

and everything
seems to be normal so far.

Don't forget the shoe sale
at DuBar's, girls.

Wonderful bargains.

Oh, by the way, Gotham National
Bank has just been robbed.

'But the big news is
the two-for-one sale'

'at Slob's Drugs..'

Holy bargain basements, Batman!

Our concern is
the bargain hunters

at the Gotham National Bank.

Right, Batman.

[intense music]

[theme music]

Thank goodness
you're here, Batman.

Two girl bank robbers
just robbed my bank

while the policewomen
did nothing!

Then they took off
into thin air in a getaway car--

Sometimes you can see
a great deal in thin air, sir.

You mean, back to
the Batcomputer in the Batcave?

No time for that. We'll use
the portable Batcomputer

in the Batmobile.

I think I'll tag along, Batman.

The instruments
in the Batgirlcycle

aren't quite as sophisticated
as those in the Batmobile.

Thank you.

[theme music]

Following the portable
Batcomputer's lead

the Terrific Trio
drop in on the warehouse

of Dropstitch and Company.

Manufacturers
of fine knitting needles.

But who has the drop on whom?

[Batgirl gasps]
Don't make a move, Batgirl!

Nor you either, Dynamic Duo.

Holy knit one pearl two!

Exactly, Boy Wonder.

This needle is razor sharp

and can puncture
her jugular vein in an instant.

Alright, girls,
let's tie the Terrific Trio

into Terrific Siamese
Human Knots!

You are wise
to stay motionless

or you will be
the Terminated Trio.

The slightest move
by any one of you

will only draw
the Human Knot tighter.

'Crush your bones.'

[laughing diabolically]

Strangle you.

Holy hamstrings!

Exactly, Robin.

This is torture, at its most
bizarre and terrible.

[dramatic music]

I understand your desire
to checkmate us, Miss Clavicle.

Commissioner Clavicle, Batman.

But I strongly suspect
there's more to your scheme

than just tying us
in a Siamese Human Knot.

Very observant, Batman.

And you're right.
There is more. Much more.

'As soon as night falls'

I'm planning to destroy
all of Gotham City!

- All of Gotham City?
- Why?

Do you know what
this document is, Batman?

If I dared move my head, I might
recognize it, but I daren't.

It's an insurance policy
on Gotham City.

Holy underwritten metropolis!

Exactly, Boy Bow-knot.

I've insured Gotham City
for ten million dollars

and what do you
think it cost me?

Two hundred dollars, perhaps?

Two hundred dollars!
For a ten million dollar policy?

Yes, Batgirl,
because the risk is so low.

The chances of destroying

an entire city
are infinitesimal.

Right again, Batman.

But Gotham City
will be destroyed.

I'll collect the ten million

and there won't be any witnesses
around to make trouble.

(Nora)
'Oh, you'll find it completely impossible'

'to ever get out
of that Human Knot.'

But it will
all be over...soon.

Come on, Evelina,
Angelina should be outside

with the truck by now.

Don't...move!

[Nora laughing diabolically]

[laughing continues]

Do we dare breathe, Batman?

Cautiously, Robin, cautiously.

Talking has been
dangerous enough.

A deep breath might prove fatal.

Are they all set to go off
one-half hour after sunset?

- Yes, boss.
- Ah, good.

That will give them time
to distribute themselves

throughout the city.

And when they explode

there won't be a building left
standing in Gotham City!

Aren't they darling
little creatures?

Lovely, lovely.

[patriotic music]

I loathe standing in lines,
Chief O'Hara.

Well, at least it's only
one day a week, commissioner.

Besides, what else can we do?

Get other jobs.

But we've been policemen
almost all of our lives.

We don't know
how to do anything else.

True enough, Chief O'Hara.

We only know one trade

and suddenly that trade
is closed to us.

Taken over by women!

Begorrah, the shame of it!

I can't stand this
much longer, Batman.

I'm getting terrible cramps
in my legs!

- Good!
- Good? Terrible cramps?

Exactly, Robin.

The involuntary muscular
contractions in Batgirl's legs

may indirectly
relieve the tension

in your lower lumbar region.

Holy slipped disc!

Not quite, Robin.

If I can wiggle my ears

and if you are able to
bend the fourth finger

on your left hand
just a fraction of an inch--

You might strangle us all!

Release us, Batgirl.

It's the Basic Formula

for escaping
from the Siamese Human Knot.

I just recalled it.

Ready?

- Ready, Robin?
- Ready.

I'm beginning to wiggle my ears
under my cowl.

Alright. I'm releasing
my fourth finger.

I'm wiggling.

I've got it.

Ah.

Gosh, Batman,
what a simple way

to get out
of a Siamese Human Knot.

But, what do we do now?

Yes. We really know nothing
of Miss Commissioner Clavicle's

plan to destroy Gotham City.

Perhaps we can start
with...that.

[woman screaming]

[screaming]

What's inside it?

(Batman)
'Oh! A high explosive charge'

and a timing device..

...apparently set to go off
a half an hour after sunset.

But, how could a little charge..

Holy mechanical armies!

Exactly, Robin.

There's a legion
of these lethal mice

whirring through Gotham City
at this very moment.

We can't catch them all,
not before dark.

I know.

Robin, call Chief O'Har..

Chief Linseed
on the police channel.

Tell her to mobilize her
entire force

and send them out
to gather up these mice.

I'll be back by the time
you finish that call.

Connect me with Chief Linseed,
please. It's an emergency.

Chief Linseed?

Yes, Robin.
We know about the mice.

[intense music]

But, I'm afraid my police force
won't be very much help to you.

Officer, are those mice
still down there?

Yes, Chief Linseed.

Ohh! Oh, excuse me, Robin.
I'm afraid I'm going to faint.

Oh, me, too.

I might have known.

You can't get policewomen

to help you catch mice.

It's diabolical!

I'm afraid you're right, Robin.
But we may have one last hope.

What are you doing, Batman?
This is no time for games!

Robin, look!

[flute music]

How'd you do it, Batman?

There's no time
to explain, Robin.

I want you both to play exactly
the same tune you just heard.

Batgirl, you take the east side.
Robin, you take the west side.

East side, west side.
I'll go through midtown.

We'll meet at the docks.

- But--
- Just play, Robin.

Play for all you're worth.

[flute music]

With only moments left
before disaster

the Terrific Trio
and their retinue of rodents

arrived at dockside.

[water splashing]

[flute music]

We made it!

With very few moments to spare.

But how'd you know
they'd follow us, Batman?

I was able to determine
that the guidance system

in the mice was built

around the principle
of high-frequency radar.

So, by selecting the right
combination of flute toots

I was able to cause those mice
and their homing mechanisms

to zero in on the source
of the sounds, the flutes.

The Pied Pipers
of Gotham City.

[chuckles]

You might say that.

[engine revving]

I see you have
some interesting freight there.

That we do, Batman.
Caught 'em at the edge of town.

Just as you said
we might when you phoned me.

They were exceeding
the speed limit

by a considerable margin, sir

so we, we thought it best
to take them into custody.

You can't arrest us.
You have no power.

Citizen's arrest,
me fine feathered females!

You should have bought some
prison insurance, Miss Clavicle.

(Gordon)
'She'll need it where she's going, Boy Wonder.'

A long term policy

with Warden Crichton
as the beneficiary.

It'll be nice to have
our old jobs back again.

- Won't it, commissioner?
- It will indeed, Chief O'Hara.

It will indeed.

Well, with Nora Clavichord
behind bars--

- Chief O'Hara, that's Clavicle!
- Oh.

Well, a rose by
any other name, commissioner.

And what a rose she was

with Mrs. Linseed
under her thumb

and all those exploding mice
under her feet!

Yes. At least she didn't
pull it off

thanks to Batman,
Robin and Batgirl.

Do you think we'll have
a breather now, commissioner?

Unless we get some disturbing
phone call, Chief O'Hara.

[phone ringing]

Commissioner Gordon.

[high-pitched quacking]

Penguin!

Just let me ask you
one thing, commissioner.

Did you ever hear of the lethal
Nigerian fruit fly?

[high-pitched quacking]

And Commissioner Gordon
certainly will hear

of lethal Nigerian fruit flies.

And so shall we all..

...when Penguin pulls
his insidious insect antic

in our next episode.

[theme music]

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman Batman Batman

� Na na na na na na na

� Batman

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