All language subtitles for Batman s03e17

NARRATOR". What's this? An ambush outside
the home of millionaire Karnaby Katz?

Where Catwoman, the Joker,
and their evil cohorts...

...lie wickedly in wait for Batgirl
and the Caped Crusaders.

Where will we get in touch with you
in case we find more clues?

Where can I get in touch with you, Batman?

Yes, that has been a problem,
but we'll manage.

We have before.

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Looking for something, Batgirl?

Like this spark plug, perhaps?

So you didn't leave.

Not only didn't we leave,
but neither did our dependable Cats Paws.

Won't she break through that thin twine,
Catwoman?

I think not, Joker.

Those Cat's Whiskers,
a fiendish invention of mine...

...they automatically contract when placed
in close contact with the heat of the body.

So in seconds,
Batgirl will be strangled to death...

...thereby ridding Gotham City
of one-third of the Terrific Trio.

You see, when I do a job, I do it right.

And why didn't we attack them all
while we were at it?

There are only four of us and three of them.

The odds would be most perturbing.

Finished?

Yes, Catwoman.

Soon, so is she. Ha-ha-ha!

Let's get back to the novelty company
and plan our next cataclysmic move.

NARRATOR".
Free at last...

...as the sprinkling system
has caused the Cat Whiskers to expand...

. . . rather than contract.

You both look a trifle harassed, sir,
if I may say so.

Perhaps this snack will help.

No, thank you, Alfred. You know I never mix
crime-fighting with eating.

Besides, I don't think it'll help us
solve our problem...

...with Catwoman and Joker.
-I could force myself to take a bite.

- Yes, commissioner?
-Batgirl just called me, Batman.

She wants you to meet her at the intersection
of Cattail Lane and Ninelives Alley.

That's behind
the novelty manufacturing center...

...of Gotham City.
-She's on the other phone.

- Shall I tell her you'll be there?
-By all means.

Right.

Cattail Lane, Ninelives Alley.

The Grimalkin Novelty Company
is on that corner.

Grimalkin? What kind of a name is that?

An obscure, but nevertheless acceptable,
synonym for "cat," Robin.

Let's go.

NARRATOR". While the Dynamic Duo
race back to Gotham City...

Catwoman and Joker
have already put their plan into motion.

This is the map which will lead us
to the gunpowder hidden over 200 years ago...

...by Gargon Maltese, the famous crook.

This nightshirt is a map?

It's perfectly obvious, Joker.

And thanks to it,
we shall steal the gunpowder...

...then blast our way in and out
of the federal depository.

Well, it's a funny map
without any printing on it.

It's the shape that's persuasive.

This is a chart of Phony Island,
located on the southern tip of Gotham City.

Oh, and that X mark's the leeward end,
and that's where the stuff is, right?

Wrong. X does not mark the spot.

It's the starting place.

To find the exact location,
we must look at the crib.

It's written backwards and,
heh-heh, in French.

Giggler, get my mirror.

Laugher, get my French dictionary.

Ooh. That's the first time I ever heard
a cat purr in French.

Skip the flattery, Joker,
and give me the translation.

Oh. "From X on the map,
walk 50 meters north, then 50 feet right...

...then try to find the wrong stone."

Now, what's that supposed to mean?

Exactly the opposite of what it says.

The poem said it's a fib.

Therefore, we walk 50 meters south,
then 50 feet left...

...to find the right stone.

Oh, it's easy when you know the key.

Well, shall we go?

We shall, Joker.

- How about rushing the place, Batman?
-Shh.

I think not, Robin.

All they've done so far is stolen a few items,
attempted to kill you, me and Batgirl.

No, I think they plan something really big.

Here they come.

Meet us there, boys.
The Kitty Car only holds two.

- They're getting away.
-No, Robin.

I've adjusted the radar on the Batmobile
to allow us to trace them.

By tuning in on sonic emanations
from their motor...

...we'll be able to stay
up to five miles behind them...

...and still know precisely where they are.

We'll stay out of their sight
until they reach their destination.

Then and only then will we pounce on them.

To the Batmobile.

What about my Batgirl Cycle?
It's hidden around the corner.

We'll pick it up later, Batgirl.

It'll be much faster if we all go together.

Hmm. Cozy.

NARRATOR".
Meanwhile, Catwoman and Joker...

...arrive at the Phony Island Lighthouse.

Formerly, a busy bastion of light,
but now almost inoperative.

Look for something marked with an X.

I found it. I found it.
I found the rock with the X mark.

Aha. Good.

From here on in, it should be a piece of cake.
Now, 50 meters south and 50 feet left.

You know, the only trouble
with keeping this lighthouse, Mr. Keeper...

...is that there isn't enough
for a lighthouse keeper to keep keeping.

Mrs. Keeper, I'm the lighthouse keeper.

- You just keep the lighthouse clean.
-Clean?

All I do is vacuum the upstairs bedroom.

What kind of life is that for a stylish, attractive,
sophisticated, intelligent woman?

Mrs. Keeper, when you married me,
you know'd I was a lighthouse keeper.

- You know'd it'd be a lonely life.
-I thought it sounded romantic.

But there's nothing romantic
about shipwrecks and seagulls.

Mrs. Keeper,
we haven't had a shipwreck in two days.

Of course, we haven't.
The light's out in the lighthouse half the time.

You'd think a lighthouse keeper
would know how to keep his--

- Just stop talking.
-Stop talking?

Then I'd really have nothing to do
except vacuum the upstairs bedroom.

Well, at least stop talking to me.

Here, you can talk to our visitors.

Visitors? What visitors?

There's a whole bunch of strangers
headed in our direction.

Forty-six, 47, 48, 49, 50.

Now 50 feet left.

One, two, three, four...

Well, what do you know? Company.

I'd better get back upstairs
and vacuum the bedroom.

Vacuum the bedroom?
What are you going up there for?

Every five minutes,
you're going upstairs to do some vacuuming.

Forty-six, 47, 48, 49, 50.

Should be around here somewhere
unless I counted wrong.

Maybe feet were smaller in those days.

You sure you figured everything?

I never make a mistake.

Look what we found upstairs.

Unhand me, you underhanded bully.

Well, what do we have here?

I am the lighthouse keeper.
This is my missus, Mrs. Keeper.

And this is private property.

A lighthouse? Private property?
Oh-ho-ho!

Well, private public property.

It means you keep off!

I think we've heard enough.

Let's get them.

No. You're kaput.

Finis, defunct.

We're very much not defunct, Joker.
Neither is Batgirl.

This is some sort of perfidious trick.
I'll bet it's done with mirrors.

The mirror is broken, Catwoman.
The last cat has crossed our path.

From now on, all the luck is with us.

Unhand those two helpless people.

Look. There it is. The gunpowder.

It's all clearly marked.

- Gunpowder?
- Put that match out, you fool.

It's going to explode.

- Let's get out of here.
-There's no time.

Stay calm, everybody.

Stay calm, everyone.

Holy return from oblivion. We're still alive.

Yes, Robin. Still alive.

In the split second before the actual detonation
of the gunpowder...

...I was able to infuse this one room
with Anti-Blast Batpowder.

Oh, very clever.

I should say so.

But what about the upstairs bedroom?
I just vacuumed it.

The city will make it up to you.
They'll take the cost of your home...

...out of Catwoman and Joker's prison pay
for making license plates.

That's what you say, Batman.

But I say we'll never see
the inside of a prison again.

We're certainly never gonna see the inside
of the federal depository and all that dough.

Maybe later, Joker.

But for now, I want benefit of counsel.

That's certainly your privilege, Catwoman.

Can I make my one phone call?

Just don't try any of your old tricks.

Who are you calling?

Lucky Pierre, the world's greatest
and luckiest criminal attorney.

He's never lost a case.

- Is it a toll call?
-No.

Only local.

This dime should take care
of the telephone call, Mrs. Keeper.

Thanks, Batman. You're a perfect gentleman.

Hello, Pierre.

This is Catwoman.

C-A-T-W-O-M -A-N.

Batman just caught Joker and me
in the middle of a robbery.

Hmm. Difficult, but not insurmountable
for Lucky Pierre.

Now, be still and don't utter a meow.

I'll see you in court.

And if all goes well, knock on wood...

...I'll have you sprung
before pussy-willow time.

Not good, huh?

Listen, Joker,
according to the pretrial briefs...

...there's no way any jury in this world
would fail to convict you.

Any jury?

Well, almost any jury.

To beat this rap, you'd have to bribe
every citizen of Gotham City.

And that takes dough. Real dough.

Has the jury been chosen yet?

Batman is in the anteroom,
interviewing them now.

- Batman?
-Yeah, Batman.

Because of his familiarity with the case, the DA
has allowed him to handle the prosecution.

But I get my chance in a few minutes.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

Uh, gentlemen of the jury...

...we are gathered here today
to prove that Catwoman...

...Joker, and their men...

...are guilty of several major offenses.

To wit: robbery, attempted murder...

...assault and battery, mayhem...

...and overtime parking.

I would like to call as my first witness,
Little Louie Groovy.

Sure knows how to handle himself
in the courtroom, commissioner.

Little Louie Groovy, take the stand.

Would you state your full name, please?

Little Louie Groovy.

Mr. Groovy,
on the night of July 22nd of this year...

...were you not robbed
of a very valuable nightshirt?

And was not assault
committed upon your personage?

Yeah.

Are the persons who performed these
dastardly deeds present in this courtroom?

Yeah.

For the record,
would you point them out, please?

Those cats over there.

The chick with the swinging outfit, the creep
with the green hair, and those four clowns.

For the record,
witness is pointing to the defendants.

He's so authoritative.

So confident.

The more you work with Batman,
the more amazing he seems.

Cross-examination?

No cross-examination.

I now call Karnaby Katz to the stand.

No cross-examination.

I call as my final witnesses,
Mr. and Mrs. Keeper.

And that's your statement, Mr. Keeper.

That's his statement, not mine.

I had just vacuumed the upstairs bedroom.

And now there's no bedroom upstairs
anymore.

- Please, Mrs. Keeper--
-No.

It's not any place.

That's my statement.

Cross-examination?

No cross-examination.

Thank you.

I can't understand his tactics.

He hasn't cross-examined
one of my witnesses.

He has something up his sleeve, all right.
They don't call him "Lucky Pierre" for nothing.

This is ridiculous.
Aren't you gonna offer some sort of defense?

- I know what I'm doing, Joker.
-Oh!

You're doing fine, Lucky.

Keep your cool.

Batman's about to sum up.

Gentlemen of the jury...

...you've heard the evidence
of 14 separate witnesses...

...including Robin the Boy Wonder,
and Batgirl.

Each one of them
corroborating the other's story...

...that those defendants are guilty...

...of all the crimes
with which they are charged.

In the interests of law, order...

...justice, good fellowship, and the flag...

...you must convict them...

...to keep our streets safe from evil persons.

Thank you.

- You were great, Batman.
-Sit down, Robin. Thank you.

- Yes, you learned your lessons well, Batman.
-Begorra.

Lucky Pierre is standing.

He's gonna let us have it now.

The defense waives summation in this case.

We stand on our plea of not guilty...

...and we feel sure
that the jury will bear out the truth in this case.

So be it.

Jury's ordered to the jury room
for deliberation.

No need for that, Your Honor.
We have already made up our minds.

That's a good sign.

This should be some sort of legal record
for convictions by a jury.

We find the defendants, Catwoman...

...Joker, Giggler, Laughter,
Smiley and Gus...

...not guilty of any of the charges.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Order in the court. Order, I say.

There's something very cat-fishy
about this whole thing, Batman.

- I think it's a fix.
-That's the way the law is, Robin.

They've received a fair trial
and been adjudged not guilty.

Every man is entitled to his day in court.

We must abide by the jury's decision.

Normally, after any case,
I never make a statement to the jury.

However, today, I cannot resist.

Never in my 30 years
on the Gotham City bench...

...have I ever seen a more callous disregard
for the facts in a case.

You are all to be chastised
for making a travesty...

...out of the judicial process.

Aw, stow it, judge. The case is over.
Quit flapping your yap.

Yeah.

That's no foreman, that's Marvin the Moose.
He used to work with Catwoman.

And that second fellow is Dave the Dummy.

He's also worked with Catwoman.

Your Honor, I move for a new trial.

- On which of several grounds?
-On the grounds of a prejudicial jury.

You don't know how prejudicial, Batman.

All right, now.

- What now?
-You're on your way to prison, Catwoman.

Will you never learn
that you cannot outwit the law?

Maybe one day I will, Batman, perhaps.

You'll never succeed in circumventing justice,
Catwoman.

Not as long as honest and dedicated
law enforcers have a breath left.

Oh, forget the morals. Just get us back to jail,
so we don't have to listen to these corny jokes.

But morals are the stuff men are made of.

And until criminals learn that,
our job will not be done.

However, if and when they do...

...we'll be only too ready
to hang up our capes and cowls.

At least we met
some very interesting characters.

Little Louie Groovy, Karnaby Katz,
Mr. and Mrs. Keeper.

Don't forget Lucky Pierre.

- Yeah.
-Yes.

If he hadn't gone so wrong,
he might have had to find career in politics.

Won a gubernatorial race,
or the White House even.

I guess it just wasn't in the books.

Speaking of books,
I promised I'd call my daughter at the library.

- Ah.
-Bonnie?

NARRATOR".
While at the library:

Louie the Lilac.

What are you doing here?

And what are you doing
with that boutonniere?

I remember the time you stunned
my friend Princess Primrose...

...with an invisible knockout spray.

This is not an invisible knockout spray,
Miss Gordon.

It is essence of lilacs.

A scent which I intend to corner
the perfume market of Gotham City.

I thought that the police commissioner's
daughter should be my first recipient.

Gotham Public Library.

Oh, Daddy, am I glad you called.

You'll never guess who was just in here.

Louie the Lilac?

Back in Gotham City?

NARRATOR". And Louie the Lilac is in indeed
back in Gotham City...

...and planning much more
than just cornering the perfume market...

...as you'll see in our next episode.

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