All language subtitles for Batman s03e16 The Funny Feline Felonies.eng

� Batman

(male narrator)
Morning at Gotham State Prison and in the office

of Warden Crichton an old foe
is saying his farewell.

Oh, thank you,
Warden Crichton

for all your kind words
on my behalf.

You've been on your
best behavior

for several months now, Joker.

Mr. Wayne and I felt
it should be rewarded.

Yes, as chairman
of the parole board

I've given your case
a great deal of scrutiny.

I'm convinced that you've
mended your former ways.

And so in keeping with our
liberal penological practices

we're releasing you
considerably ahead of time.

Ah, well, it isn't silk
but it's honestly made

by my fellow inmates.

I guess I'll have to get
used to civilian clothes.

Well, with this, eh,
ten dollar bill

we hope you will seek
a new life on the outside.

One replete with good
citizenship and fine deeds.

Ten dollars, hmm?

I used to light my cigars
with ten dollar bills, heh!

Ooh, how about a cigar
to celebrate the occasion.

Don't mind if I do.

Uh, no thank you, I never use
tobacco in any form.

[laughs]

[chuckles]

It's very good.

You know, I...sort of
expected it to explode.

Explode?

Oh, you must have me confused
with somebody else, warden.

I'm a reformed man.

Well, nice seeing you again.

[laughing]

Too-da-loo.

Well, I wonder who is picking
him up for the drive

back to Gotham City.

Let's take a look.

[dramatic music]

You want a lift, big boy?

Make it look good, Catwoman, put
a gun on me, the way we planned

they're probably watching us.

Get in this car
or I'll blow

whatever little brains
you have out.

She's kidnapping me!

Honest!

Kidnapped? By Catwoman?

When he's barely
out of prison?

I'd better call
Commissioner Gordon at once.

I'll take care of that,
perhaps you can get

some of your men after them
before they're far away.

Good idea.

[telephone ringing]

Stately Wayne Manor.

Alfred, plug me into the
Bat-phone and stand by.

Consider it done, sir.

I think I'd better take a rain
check on that luncheon date.

Mm-hmm.

[Bat-phone beeping]

Yes, commissioner?

You're calling to tell me that
Catwoman kidnapped Joker?

I might've realized you'd be
on top of the situation Batman.

Seems I'm always the last
to know anything.

We'll be right there.

Oh, you leaving, Mr. Wayne?

In the light of the days
happenings

I'm gonna forgo my usual
inspection of the prison.

Any luck?

Well, I've setup roadblocks
at all the major highway points

leading back to Gotham City.

It's a slim chance
but our only hope.

With Joker in the feline
clutches of Catwoman

who knows what
all of us maybe facing?

[theme music]

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Na na na na na

� Batman

[instrumental music]

And at the Sleazy Hotel

a sleazy hotel
across the street

from Police Headquarters..

Oh, thanks for my
old suit, Catwoman.

I felt out of place
in this one.

You looked out of place, Joker.

But now you're back to your
handsome self again.

Yes.

What are you doing?

The telescopic lens
on this Cat-gun

affords me a fine
and magnified view

of Commissioner Gordon's office
right across the street.

Oh!

Ooh, so it does,
so it does.

And unless my youthful eyes
are deceiving me

that looks like the
Dynamic Dimwits in that office.

You're going to kill them,
I hope, I hope, I hope.

No, Joker.
Just going to send Batman

the first of several little
tokens of my...affection.

- The first?
- Yes.

He's as evilly clever as we.

He'll no doubt figure out
where my memento came from.

And will pay a call
in this hotel room.

- Oh, we better be gone.
- We will.

But I'll leave a second token
of my devotion in our place.

[chuckles]

Yes, we have our work
cut out for us, alright.

I should say we do.

Anytime two arch criminals
get together Gotham City

and perhaps the world
is in for enormous difficulty.

But Catwoman kidnapped Joker

maybe the fellow sincerely
wants to go straight.

[gunshot]

Mother Machree!
We're under attack.

No, hold your fire,
Chief O'Hara.

We're not sure which direction
that bullet came from.

Innocent people
might be hurt.

Yes, sir.

[dramatic music]

It appears to be
a message of some sort.

Holy special delivery!

"This one was
just a warning, Batman.

The next one will
be between your eyelids."

Any signature?

"Signed a well-wisher."

Well, it seems like somebody
is interested in your welfare.

You stay put.

We'll Bat-creep
to the window.

Did somebody lose
a contact lens?

Get down, Barbara!

Must've come from Hotel Sleazy
across the street.

Judging from the trajectory
and the angle

and figuring the wind
at six knots per hour

north by north-east as per
this morning's weather report..

X times...six square

[mumbling indistinctly]

Yes! You see..

...it came from that room
on that floor.

There doesn't seem
to be anyone here.

- You sure this is the room?
- Positive.

That's the suit Joker wore when
he was released from prison.

No fingerprints.

But judging from the familiar
scent of Cat-lily perfume

which is Catwoman's trademark..

...and that suit over there.

I would assume that they were
both in this room

not less than
three minutes ago.

Find anything?

That scrap of paper
and nothing more.

(Robin)
'Batgirl, what are you doing here?'

Just thought I might be able
to lend a glove, so to speak.

You constantly amaze me,
Batgirl, I can't figure out

how you manage to stay on top of
the caper as quickly as we do.

Tea leaves, stars,
crystal gazing..

'...all part of a woman crime
fighters arsenal, Batman.'

Any clues?

Enough to let us know
we're dealing

with both Catwoman and Joker.

How can I help?

Until we find something
more tangible, you can't.

Well, then it's
hello and goodbye.

At least for now.

At least for now.

That scrap of paper,
Batman, it's gone.

Yes, Batgirl, slipped it
into her belt

when she thought
I wasn't looking.

You think she's trying
to double-cross us?

No. But she's a woman, Robin

with a woman's inborn desire
to outsmart men.

[sighs]

Tea leaves,
crystal gazing, stars..

I wonder what she'll
come up with next.

[Joker laughing]

You like it, Joker?

It's me. It's like
I never left home.

Oh, you certainly have
an eye for decoration.

Now, it's time
to meet my cat's-paws.

Front and center henchmen.

[Joker laughing]

This is Giggler.

Oh, it's sure gonna be nice
working with you, Joker.

[laughing]

This is Laugher.

[laughs]

I've always wanted to work
with you, Joker.

It's a realization
of my boyhood dream.

[laughs]

Well, thanks fellows.
Keep smiling.

They're good men, Joker.

Purr-fect age to camp
for our evil crime spree

don't you think?

Oh, purr-fect, Catwoman.

Oh, and speaking
of evil crime sprees..

Shall I catalog it
for you, Joker?

Categorically, Catwoman.

Then cast your eyes on this.

- A poem?
- Yes.

Handwritten over
200 years ago

during the French
and Indian war.

I purr-loined it
from the library.

It was written by Garcon
Maltese, the famous crook.

And it's a clue to one million
pounds of gunpowder he stole

and hid somewhere in
the environs of Gotham City.

Oh, now, you're talking.

One million of anything
is a lot.

We're going to find
that gunpowder

and blow a hole in the
Federal Depository building

you can drive a truck through.

Then drive a truck through
and loot the place.

Oh, why don't we just heist
a bunch of dynamite?

Far too simple, Joker.

And not half as much fun
as being devilishly clever.

After all we're not
common thieves.

No.

Listen.

"Gunpowder is what
you shall find

"should you have
a most illogical mind

"in riches you will wallow
if you carefully follow

the clues I have
herein consigned."

His iambic pentameter's
a bit off.

- What he should've said was--
- Now, listen.

"My old nightshirt
will do for a start

"in it's hem is a clue
that's a chart.

"Then from there find my crib
on it's side is a fib.

And my powder is yours
if you're smart."

Oh, your voice
has a nice lilt, Catwoman.

But just what does
all that mean?

I've located the nightshirt
and the crib.

Now, our next move
is to purr-loin

and if possible

purr-manently purr-rge
Batman, Batgirl

and Robin the Boy Wonder.

Do they know about that poem?

If they don't they should..

...shortly.

The missing corner
of this parchment

was intentionally left in that
fleabag of a hotel room.

Meanwhile back in her guise
as Barbara Gordon

the mild-mannered librarian.

The document she wants
is missing.

But the Gotham City Library
makes microcopies

of everything.

[dramatic music]

- I'll take it, Alfred.
- Right, sir.

Yes, commissioner.

Batman, this is Batgirl.

Batgirl, on
Commissioner Gordon's red phone?

Just as there are secrets
in crime fighting

so should every crime fighter
be allowed his

'or her secret.'

Agreed.

But I've come upon
something

that'll help you search
for Catwoman and the Joker.

Crystal gazing again, Batgirl?

This time I used cards.

Just meet me immediately

at the apartment
of Little Louie Groovy

27 Disc Drive.

Little Louie Groovy,
the teenage tycoon

who's never missed producing
a million seller record?

Gosh, Bruce.
I've always wanted to meet him.

We'll be right there.

To the Bat-poles.

[dramatic music]

Shortly, in the groovy pad
of Little Louie

the young tycoon
of the recording business.

What are you recording tonight?

You never tell me
anything anymore.

Ah, a new group I just
discovered about 20 minutes ago

called
the Gotham Boulevard Off-ramp.

They oughta have the number one
record in the country.

'Look, I gotta
make my money fast.'

Another couple of years,
I'll be in my mid-twenties.

Too old for the music business.
Over the hill!

It's no wonder I'm insecure.

Okay, split.

Oh, oh, what a client I got.

[instrumental music]

Ah.

Little Louie,
you've just slipped the groove.

Who's that?

Look, if you're here to rob me

I oughta warn you
that I'm a karate expert

and I can hurt ya.

So stay back.

Hyah!

Karate isn't effective
unless accompanied by yelling.

Let him howl
until he sprains a vocal cord.

Then get him.

[yelling]

[all yelling]

[yelling]

I can't yell anymore.

I'm done for.

[laughing]

Alright, boys, now.

[yelling]

[laughing]

Oh, I have to
give you credit, Catwoman.

I expected this place to be
in shambles because of a fight.

As it may yet be, Joker.

So, Batman,
you found us.

As you perhaps planned,
Catwoman.

The mere thought
of pulling a caper

without your masked meddling

would be most
purr-turbing to me.

Found us, you have.
And get you, we will.

Get them, boys.

[dramatic music]

My first royalty check.

[music continues]

No, no. That's $4000.
Please, don't.

Oh, no, no.
Please, please.

[music continues]

You guys
ruined my apartment.

It'll cost over $11,000
to replace all the goodies.

Never fear, Mr. Groovy.
Full restitution will be made.

Even if it takes
Catwoman and Joker

the rest of their natural lives
to pay it off.

I can't understand why you went
through all that trouble

to steal a nightshirt.

He doesn't know
about the gunpowder.

- Give him a catchy story.
- Oh.

Well, it was all
Catwoman's fault fellas.

If you recall,
it was she who kidnapped me.

You Cat-fink!

She told me that Louie Groovy
was a hip cat

and it might be fun if we stole
the cat's pajamas.

'Well, you know
how I am about..'

..about practical jokes.

I couldn't resist it.

You must have flipped your
raspberry, Joker.

How could you allow anyone
to talk you into this stupidity?

Agreed. You're absolutely
and positively right.

Oh, I made a dreadful mistake.

Oh, let bygones be bygones.

I'd like to shake hands
with both of you.

Can't we be friends?

I'd rather shake hands
with a spitting cobra.

You're being cynical, Robin.

To err is human,
to forgive divine.

Perhaps he has repented.

I think the poor fellow
should have a fighting chance.

I'll shake your hand, Joker.

Uh, okay,
I'll shake your hand too.

[laughing]

Another practical joke, Joker.

Not exactly, Batman.

No, it's my lethal
Joker-buzzer.

One by one your five senses
will leave you.

'Then your lungs will collapse.'

'And shortly you will be
kaput, fini, defunct.'

Oh, sorry we can't stay
for the big finish, Batman.

But I'll always treasure
the memory of this moment.

[laughing]

Let's go.

Three beats a minute,
not too good.

What took you so long,
Batgirl?

Rush hour traffic. Plus
all the lights were against me.

You wouldn't have wanted me
to speed, would you?

Your good driving habits
almost cost us our lives.

Rules are rules, Robin.

But you do have a point.

[groaning]

How did you know that Catwoman
and Joker would be here?

It's all written in a poem
they have in their possession.

The nightshirt they stole
and a cradle are clues

to an enormous cache
of gunpowder.

Where's the cradle?

In the possession
of Karnaby Katz.

Devil May Care
men's clothing designer

from Londinium.

Here, drink this.

Water?

Champagne.

Over here.

Oh, oh.

Oh, my head.

We're too late.

What happened, Mr. Katz?

The 17 year locust have
descended upon me, governor.

But they didn't touch the safe.

'Or my wife's jewels.'

'Or my collection
of comic books'

or anything valuable like that.

All they took,
was a little cradle

that I picked up
at an antique store.

Why do you suppose
they did that?

That is the question.

How long ago did they leave?

Seconds before you walked in.

I thought you might have
met them on their way out.

Do you have any idea where
the gunpowder might be, Batgirl

or why they might want it?

The poem would lead us
to the clues

and without the clues
we're lost.

'We can just wait and see
what their next move is.'

Where could they have
disappeared to so quickly?

Closer that you think.

Just outside
waiting to ambush you.

Will Joker and Catwoman make
good their perfidious plan

to steal millions?

For the answer to these

and other cataclysmic questions

watch the next episode.

[theme music]

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Batman

� Na na na na na

� Batman

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