All language subtitles for Batman s02e18 Dizzoner the Penguin.eng

NARRATOR". So far we have seen, outside
the Annual Gotham City Charity Luncheon...

a different kind of charity.

And a different kind of hero.

The Penguin.

Penguin, a civic-minded citizen?

Holy turnabouts, something's fishy.

Mayor Lindseed, what was it?

Penguin for mayor?
He couldn't possibly win.

Oh, yes, he could.

Disaster for Gotham City.

Only one hope.

Batman for mayor.

The Penguin campaign in high gear.

Penguin posters everywhere.

Batman discussed the issues
to sympathetic supporters...

while Penguin issued champagne
and other goodies.

The Caped Candidate talked to the voters.

But these voters wanted
him out of the race.

Robin, a political liability.

Holy soap suds.

An acid bath that could eat them
clean to the bone.

And a deadly set of scales.

The waddling politico arrives to quack.

Hang on for just one searing minute.

In a few more seconds
we're gonna be in the soup, Batman.

It's all my fault, Robin.

I should have recognized those goons
as soon as I saw them.

Well, here goes.

Batman!

Batman!

- Batman, are you all right?
- Yes, thanks to Alfred.

Lucky he insisted on making these
new costumes out of acid-proof material.

Holy coffin nails, Batman,
you sure had me scared.

Just a second while I
dissolve these thongs.

Now to get you down from there,
then we'll get out of here.

Like them, Pengy?

Never mind the buttons, Lulu.

Batman is no longer with us.

As of now it's a one-man race.

- Then you should win it easily.
- Hwah, hwah, hwah.

That's very true. Thank you. Thank you.

What?

Hwah?

Acid-proof costumes?

Faugh. Faugh them.

Well, he's not smear-proof.

And when I get through with him
on our TV debate...

even his own mother won't vote for him.

This is ridiculous, Batman.

Debating the Penguin on television when
he tried to kill you not two hours ago.

Unfortunately we have no proof.

If I mention that,
the Fair Campaign Practices Committee...

would accuse me of using smear tactics.

I certainly wouldn't want that.

You have to hold still, sir...

otherwise I shall be smearing the makeup
on your cowl.

Sorry, Alfred.

There. You should look quite good
under the lights now, sir.

How do you do, ladies and gentlemen?

Station KGOM is very happy and proud...

to bring you a debate between the candidates
who are running for mayor of Gotham City.

I believe the Penguin
will lead off the debate.

Friends and fellow citizens...

I wanna give you my solemn word...

that there will be no mud-slinging
in this campaign...

unless, of course,
my opponent slings it.

But I intend to stick to the issues.

Now, what are the issues?

Batman.

Who is he?

Who is this acrobatic clown
who somersaults around Gotham City...

in that ridiculous costume?

I suggest that behind that mask,
Batman is in reality...

a dangerous criminal.

Why else does he wear a mask?

Why else does he conceal his past?

Would you think about that
a moment, my friends?

Whenever you've seen Batman,
who is he with?

Criminals.

That's who.

You look in the old newspapers.

Every picture of Batman...

shows him with thugs and with thieves
and hobnobbing with crooks.

Whereas my pictures
show me always surrounded by whom?

By the police.

I am associate of the law.

Listen to those lies.

Oh, that Penguin, he's as crooked
as a warped shillelagh.

Now, which man do you want
to run Gotham City?

A man like myself, who is always
in the company of the law...

or a man like Batman...

who rubs elbows
with the worst elements of this city...

and who is undoubtedly
a desperate criminal himself?

Think about it without rancor,
and remember this:

No mud-slinging in this campaign.

Yeah, Penguin, attaboy!

Thank you very much.

You bet.

And now we should have a few words
from the other candidate.

My fellow citizens...

let me begin by pointing out
some inconsistencies...

in both the logic and the substance
of Mr. Penguin's preceding remarks.

Vote Penguin, yes, sirree

He's the vote for you and me
Clean up Gotham, one, two, three

What's going on?

This is your doing,
you waddling pat politician.

Tut-tut, Wonder Midget.

Can I help it if I have enthusiastic fans?

Besides, now the voters
won't be bored to death...

by Batman's babble. Hwah, hwah, hwah.

We interrupt this broadcast
for a special news flash.

The Gotham City Convention Hall,
containing $2 million worth of displays...

for the forthcoming
Jewelers Convention...

is being robbed by a gang of criminals
who have barricaded themselves inside...

Don't just stand there,
get down to Convention Hall.

Right, commissioner.

We better get right down there, Robin.

Why, you two incompetents
will botch this job.

Citizen Penguin to the rescue.

This is Walter Klondike in the lobby
of Gotham City's Convention Hall...

where one of the greatest robberies
of all time is taking place right now.

The two candidates for mayor have just gone
inside to help subdue the cutthroat gang...

that has kept Gotham City's
police force at bay.

Oh, Chief O'Hara.

Well, chief, how does it look to you now?

Grim, that's how it looks.

I only hope that Batman and Robin
get out of there alive.

- Mm. How about the Penguin?
- Him? Why, that...!

Thank you very much, Chief O'Hara.

We now switch you to Chet Chumley
inside Convention Hall.

Come in, Chet.

Thank you, Walter.

This is Chet Chumley
inside Convention Hall.

From our post here high above the floor,
we can see the battle spread before us.

And Batman, Robin, and the Penguin
are struggling furiously with the thugs...

who are attempting to make off
with over a million dollars in jewels.

Well, not so fakey, you fink.

Not so real.

Well, that's all for Robin.

Just leaves the two candidates.

Uh, we switch now to David Dooley down
on the Convention floor. Come in, David.

Thank you, Chet. This is
David Dooley on the Convention floor.

I'll to maneuver over to Batman to see
if I can get him to say a few words to us.

Is there anything at all you'd like to say
to the television audience, Batman?

Of course, Batman, a little bit later.

Thank you.

This is David Dooley
on the Convention floor.

I switch you back now to Chet Chumley.

Take it away, Chet.

Thank you, David.

This is Chet Chumley
high above the Convention floor.

The battle is raging hot and heavy
below us. Wait a minute.

Batman got one.

Now it looks like the Penguin
is about to get one.

He did.

Score one more for the Penguin.

Well, it looks like the Penguin
is rolling up quite a lead.

But it's still a tight contest.

I think that, uh, David has maneuvered over
toward the Penguin now...

so we switch to the Convention floor
and David Dooley. Come in, David.

Thank you, Chet.

This is David Dooley
on the Convention floor.

I'm going to see now if we can get
a few words from the other candidate.

Is there anything you'd like to say
to our audience?

Though I'm very busy right now,
David, as you can see...

bringing law and order back
to Gotham City...

I always have a few words to say
to the voters...

even when my own life is in danger.

Where's the camera?

Ladies and gentlemen,
friends of Gotham City...

you've seen both of the candidates
in action.

And you can decide yourself which of us
is better able to run this glorious city.

You seem to be putting more thugs
out of business than Batman.

- How do you explain that?
- Proves that I'm right.

Batman is in cahoots
with the criminal elements.

- He's got one foot in the underground.
- Thank you for your opinion, Penguin.

- Mr. Penguin.
- I'll teach you to defile our fair city.

Penguin.

- The Penguin.
- The Penguin.

What a man. What a man.

The Penguin has certainly gained
some political mileage today.

Batman, are you all right?

There were just too many for me, Robin.

But somehow the Penguin
was knocking them down left and right.

That whole thing was a setup, Batman.
That waddling weasel planned it.

Perhaps, but I'm afraid we can't prove it.

I guess nobody likes a loser.

Well, that's the story
from Convention Hall.

- Good night, David.
- Good night, Chet.

It's a black day for Gotham City.

- I just talked to Gallus, Rooper and Trendek.
- How bad was it?

The latest polls show
65 percent Penguin, 35 percent Batman.

That's gratitude for you.

After all that Batman has done
for our citizens.

I think you underestimate
the good citizens of Gotham City, chief.

But look at the poll, Batman.

Elections are not won by polls,
commissioner.

They're won by votes,
at least in this country.

Sixty-five percent is a big margin, Batman.

I know it looks grim, Robin...

but I wouldn't throw in the towel
until the votes are counted.

Uh, the first returns
should be coming in now.

This is Walter Klondike.

The first returns on the mayor's election
have just come in.

As usual, the northeastern precincts
are reporting earliest.

And the tally from the northeast
gives the Penguin 12,574...

and Batman 9682.

- Hello?
- Hello, commissioner.

This is the next mayor
of Gotham City speaking.

What? Who is this?

No, I just wanted to tell you
not to worry about your job.

See, I'm appointing the Riddler
new commissioner of police...

and he's promised
to give you back your old job.

WW, you pompous...

Oh, that's pounding the beat
on the waterfront.

Why, you...

- Listen, you malignant...
- Oh, tut-tut. No harsh words, please.

Commissioner, I'll put you
in charge of cleaning sewers.

- How dare you?
- And you tell that Irish stooge of yours...

that his next job will be shining
the shoes of the new police chief:

The Joker.

Terrible thing is, in a few short hours,
that mangy bird may be my boss.

Here's a new development,
ladies and gentlemen.

Although the eastern precincts
went heavily for the Penguin...

the middle and western precincts
show a very strong Batman trend.

Western precincts?

Batman is probably getting the Indian vote.

Penguin's lead has narrowed
to a few thousand, and continues to shrink.

This election may still
have some few surprises in it.

You three blow-hards told me
I couldn't lose.

- What's happening?
- The X factor.

Random sampling error.

Well, you better pray that my lead holds...

or you'll be taking random samplings
of river water from the bottom.

- It's too good to be true.
- Shh. The returns.

Here are the latest reports.

The Batman trend is continuing.

The western precincts
have gone solidly for Batman.

The Caped Candidate is now
to within 1000 votes of the Penguin.

You were the only one who really
had faith in the voters, Batman.

- I'm ashamed of myself.
- We're all ashamed, Batman.

We were ready to desert the ship,
you never lost your courage.

You brought us safely through.

I never would've believed
that the polls could be wrong.

There have been other candidates
who have trusted too much to the polls.

And they found out
that it's the votes that count.

Smart politicians
trust the voters, not the polls.

After all, if you can't trust the voters,
whom can you trust?

Gotta win this election
by hook or by crook.

At least you have choices, Pengy.

If you don't have a board of electors,
you can't count the votes.

And if you can't count the votes,
you can't announce the winner.

That s real sharp thinking.

So hang the polls and hang the pollsters.

I told you not to count those hobos
down at the freight yards.

What about the two sword swallowers
and the lady wrestler you turned in?

Nobody will ever listen to us again.

Don't worry, we can always get a job
rating TV Shows.

- Ha, ha. We're going to win.
- Saints be praised.

You certainly taught me a few things
about politics, Batman.

Hello? Oh, just a minute.

- For you.
- Hello?

The law says
that the votes must be counted...

only by a duly appointed
Board of Elections, Batman.

And it so happens that I have
the Board of Elections right here with me.

All three of them.

And unless the city council meets
within one half an hour...

and proclaims me mayor of Gotham City...

they will be counting the votes
in a morgue.

You forget about the Bat-trace of Batman.

I'm not gonna be on the phone
long enough to let you trace the call.

Good bye.

The Penguin has kidnapped
the Board of Elections, Mayor Lindseed.

Holy potluck.

No, Robin, not at all.

Even the Penguin hasn't unlimited funds.

I suspect the campaign
has severely depleted his resources...

and he's holding his hostages in the
headquarters of that venerable organization...

the Grand Order of
Occidental Nighthawks.

Let's go.

The half hour's up,
and nothing from Batman.

I think my little grandstand play
has turned the tide.

Turn the TV on again, Lulu.

While we watch ex-mayor Hayseed
or whatever his name is...

proclaim me mayor.

Oh, I am gonna wring the city dry.

I'm gonna pick the bones of Gotham City
and throw the carcass to the finks.

Aren't you being
a little premature, Penguin?

How'd you find this place?

You goofed, that's how.

And no good mayor ever goofs.

Particularly when he hasn't
even been elected yet.

But I have the Board of Elections here.
They can't have counted any more votes.

They didn't need to.

This is some sort of a
trick, that's what it is.

Some sort of a low, scurvy,
underhanded, political sort of a trick.

I'll have you reported
to the Fair Campaign Practices Committee.

No, PengY-

You said we associated with criminals.

So here we are.

Attack.

I thought you bought the machine to turn
out your campaign literature, Pengy.

Look what it's turning out now.

I see it. And it's not literature.

I'm getting out of here
before they package me.

- You'd better too.
- No.

Batman wouldn't dare touch me.

Think what it would do to his public image.

Remember, remember, I'm a candidate
for the mayor of Gotham City.

You lay hands on me,
and I'll have the voters after you.

Keep your distance.
Keep your distance, I say.

Keep your distance.

I think it's time for us
to wrap up the election.

I take it you mean wrap up the candidate.

Oh, exactly.

Aah! Blast it, I'm a political candidate!

Hwah, hwah, hwah.

In case you're interested, Penguin...

Batman won the election
by an overwhelming margin.

The votes were already counted
when you kidnapped the Board.

Faugh, it's a fraud, I say.

I demand a recount.

Don't worry,
you'll have another chance soon.

The Convicts Committee
for Clean Prison Government...

is having an election next week.

You should arrive just in time
to run for chairman.

And if you need any endorsements, uh,
just let us know.

Hwah, hwah, hwah.

I demand my constitutional rights.
Hwah, hwah.

Now that I've resigned
in favor of Mayor Lindseed...

Gotham City will be back in good hands
for another four years.

And if nothing else,
Robin got a good lesson in civics.

Oh, I had enough experience
to last me forever.

You can never have too much experience
in politics, Robin...

as many politicians have discovered.

Yes?

Why, yes, he's right here.

- Batman, for you.
- Thank you.

Batman.

Thank you very much.

I'm flattered that your committee
should be interested in me...

as a presidential candidate for 1968...

but I'm afraid my Gotham City duties
take precedence.

Yes, I will definitely let you know
if I change my mind.

Well.

Bulging ballot boxes, Batman,
that was some offer.

And you ain't even a general, Batman.

Anyway, it was nice of them to call.

Yes?

Hold on, just a moment.

Batman, another call.

Yes, Batman.

I'm flattered, gentlemen...

but I thought your party had
a candidate for 1968.

NARRATOR".
Next week Mr. Freeze returns.

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