All language subtitles for Batman TBATB s03e11 Crisis 22,300 Miles Above Earth.eng

Where there's smoke there's fire, Batsy.

What diabolical devilry
have you devised, Joker?

I'll give you a hint.
I'm about to rake you over the coals.

You see, while you roast, we roast you.

Live from an abandoned warehouse
in Gotham City...

...it's the Joker's
Superhero Celebrity Roast.

Tonight's star-studded spectacular...

...brings some of the greatest
archvillains together.

To dishonor
our least favorite hero, Batman.

Let's get things started
with everyone's favorite chunky monkey...

...Gorilla Grodd.

Uh, it's sure great
to be at a roast for Batman.

I call dibs on his thigh.

Mr. Freeze at a roast...

...who would have thawed it?

Of all the heroes out there...

...I only have ice for you, Batman.

No puns.
Yikes.

You're dropping more bombs than the
Batplane did on my last hideout, Grundy.

Let's bring in the ringer.

And now, abducted straight from his show
at Nero's Palace...

...please welcome Jeffrey Ross.

Oh. Sorry, Batman.
I only roast the ones I love.

And because they're holding a gun to me.

Understood, citizen.

Knock him dead, kiddo. Or else.

I must say, I'm flattered that of all
the comedians, you chose me, Joker.

Don't be. Groucho was unavailable.

Ha-ha-ha!
Oh, that is cold.

Anyway, great to be here in Gotham City,
home of Batman and Robin.

What an undynamic duo those two are.
Am I right, villains?

And, Batman, I just want to know:

Who put you in charge
of Robin's adult supervision?

I mean, I'd be worried
about letting him walk to school alone...

...and you have him disarming bombs.

It's funny because it's true.
Ha-ha-ha!

Yo, Batman, was everyone else
over the age of 10 busy? Ha, ha!

You must call him The Boy Wonder
because you can't believe he's alive.

That's right, Ross, keep them laughing.

Yo, Batman,
what's up with that utility belt?

Are you here to fight crime
or remodel my bathroom?

Does it hold up your underwear?

Because after kindergarten,
most of us figured out...

...that the undies go inside your pants.

At least you don't
have to change your underwear...

...every time you see Bane
coming for you, huh?

Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Ross.

But I've got a few punch lines
of my own I'd like to try out.

Batman? Free? Vamoose.

Penguin, they should call you The Nail.

Because you're always getting
pounded by the Hammers of Justice.

I'd try not to hit your good side,
Two-Face, but you don't have one.

Riddler, the answer
to all your riddles is this.

Where do you think you're going?

You've done a lot of terrible things, Joker,
but your real crime is against comedy.

Appreciate the assist.

You know, this superhero stuff
isn't so hard. Think I might give it a try.

Stick to comedy, Jeff.

A little higher
to the left, Captain Marvel.

Why, Martian Manhunter,
you look as nervous as a hermit crab.

Nonsense.

It's just important
we make a good impression.

Having a mixer was a great idea.

Who cares what a bunch of fossils
have to say?

Are you kidding? The Justice Society
of America are legends.

Just think of all the wisdom
they can pass down from their years of...

Boring.

Oh. Look, the teleporter is activating.

Impossible. They're not due
to arrive for another 20 minutes.

And Batman isn't here.
This whole thing was his idea.

Relax, my friend. Just go
with the flow. And no more cookies.

You know what they do to you.

Gentlemen, I am J'onn J'onzz.

Welcome to Justice League
International headquarters.

Justice League International?
You said it was the other Justice League.

The good one.

I must have read the invitation wrong.

Does that mean Superman won't be here?
Superman is the only reason I came.

Well, please make yourselves at home.

These sure are fancy digs, Martian.

But what good are you
floating around in space?

Last time I checked, you can't
stop bank robbers from up here.

You got that right.

Ha, ha. Yes, well, come, my friends.
Plenty of refreshments right this way.

Say, kid, where's the john in this joint?

Down the hall on the left.

Batman, where are you?
Everyone is here.

Sorry, J'onn. Running a little late.

Things are not getting off to a good start.

I can't talk now.
Skiing ninjas with lasers. Batman out.

No one's talking to each other.

Ice, why don't you try mingling?

But I don't have to go to the bathroom.

The shrimp's too spicy
and the chicken is dry.

Ma Hunkel would never have
put out such a shabby spread.

And such small portions too.

Uh, I think we're almost out of food.

Already? How can that be?

I based my calculations on an average
of four glasses of punch per person.

One serving of crudit?s,
two servings of hors d'oeuvres.

There should have been
more than enough.

These hors d'oeuvres are outrageous.

They are for the guests.

And you are not a guest.
Don't you understand?

There's nothing worse than
running out of food at a party. Nothing.

Think you could turn up the heat, chief?

It's colder than a polar bear's toenails
in here.

Except for that.

So that's the original Green Lantern?

His costume designer
must've been color-blind.

Only thing we'll learn
from these geezers...

...is how to add
more fiber to our diets.

They do smell nice, though.
Like mothballs and menthol rub.

Wildcat, I just... I can't believe
I'm actually meeting you.

My grandpa used to tell me stories
about you guys all the time.

Grandpa?

So I told the prime minister,
"Call off your submarines...

...or I'll summon
a pod of humpback whales to..."

Hold that thought,
I gotta see a man about a horse.

So, Spectre, old chum.

Did I ever tell you about the time I...

Never mind.

Where are you going?

Bug Boy here is giving us a tour of
this tin can y'all call a headquarters.

That is not going to end well.

You've had quite an exhausting night,
detective.

I hope you found
your little nap refreshing.

I never get tired
of foiling your twisted schemes, Ra's.

I'd hardly call
restoring ecological balance to Earth...

...a "twisted scheme,"
but to each his own, detective.

Soon I shall fire a fusion
rocket into the sun.

The resultant solar flares...

...will melt all ice on the planet
in a matter of days...

...flooding the continents.

Farewell, detective.

Hello. Guy, is it?

Hal Jordan's told me a lot about you.
Keeping out of trouble?

Not if I can help it, old-timer.

In my day, there wasn't time for social
events when we were on active duty.

But with a Green Lantern
like Hal keeping Earth safe...

...you don't worry about that,
do you?

What's that supposed to mean?

Ooh! J'onn said there's going
to be pie later. I love pie, don't you?

Ugh!

Would you mind
looming somewhere else, please?

Batman, do you read me?

Why doesn't he answer?

If you're relying on Batman
to be the life of the party...

...I'm afraid you're whistling
the wrong tune.

That's it. Music.
How could I have forgotten music?

Never fear, old chum. If music
is what you need, I've got just the thing.

Excuse me. Excuse me, everyone.

I thought I'd entertain you with
a rendition of an Atlantean spiritual.

Perhaps you've heard of it.
"Nearer Our Fins to Thee"?

It goes a little something like this:

By H'ronomeer, I need a cookie.

Talia. Why did you save...

I see.

Um, thanks.

This place is huge.

Definitely bigger than our old brownstone
headquarters in Civic City, eh, Wildcat?

Hmph. Hunk of junk.

What's that smell?

Oh, uh, heh. That's my cabin.

What in the Sam Hill?

Yeah, I guess it's a little messy.

"A little messy"?
This is a disgrace, son.

I can't even see the floor.

Is that a pile of garbage
or your bunk?

I should be able to bounce
a quarter off that mattress.

Why would you want to?

I need air.

It's a movie title.

One word.

- Bite. Masticate.
- Teeth.

Eat. Eat.

- Chomp.
- Hand-waving.

To chew.
Clapping.

Oh, come now,
you're not even trying.

Where are you going?

Can't you see we're in the middle
of the greatest game of charades ever?

Uh, nature calls.

Mandible.

You were supposed to be
one of the most powerful Lanterns ever.

But your ring is vulnerable to wood.

So, what happens if a guy
comes at you with a pointy stick?

Same thing that happens to you
if he paints it yellow.

Was that some kind of crack, old man?

If the ring fits, Gardner.

Batman to Watchtower,
Batman to Watchtower, come in.

Watchtower, this is an emergency,
please respond.

Great.

I think now
would be a good time for pie.

Oh, no, the pies. I left them in the oven.
Ice, stall for time.

Mind your own business, gramps.

Hey! Let's all share a story. I'll start.

I'll call this tale, "Please Stop
Fighting, It's Getting Awkward."

It is my business, Gardner.

No wonder this new league
is such mess...

...if you're the caliber of hero
they've sunk to using.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, I'm proud to be on this team.

You'd be proud if you could figure out
how to work a vacuum cleaner.

Easy, there. JLI may do things
our own way, but we get the job done.

You know, the other league
didn't have do things "their own way."

I guess this new generation just
doesn't mind embarrassing themselves.

Yeah, well, I'd put our guys up against
your so-called "Mystery Men" any day.

The mystery is how you geezers
managed to make it this far.

This party might not be out
of punch after all.

What can you expect from
a backup Lantern with a bad attitude...

...and a cheap haircut?
- It's go time, old man.

Now, friends,
that's no way for heroes to behave.

Suffering swordfish.

I have a little surprise.
Who wants pie? Ah!

Holy moly.

Hey, Wildcat.

Your ingenuity never ceases
to amaze me, detective.

But in this case,
I know you had assistance.

Sadly, you'll be dead
before the sun incinerates you.

So, uh, who gets to make
the big entrance quip?

After you, sir. Age before beauty.

Well, thanks, Fish Face.

All right, punks. The party's over.

That's right. Your ecological
incursion ends here, Ra's Al Ghul.

Ha, ha! Yah!

You're too late, heroes.

I got it.

Lights out, creep.

That's the right prescription, Doctor.
Unh!

Let's go a couple rounds, big boy.

I've had heavybags
that hit back harder than you do.

Eat this, squid face.

Squid face! Ho!

I'll free Batman, you smash that rocket.

You read my mind.

Face me, detective.

Why won't you just perish already?

This time I shall watch the life
fade from your eyes, detective.

You should have been watching
my hands.

The way you fight, kid, I almost don't mind
you sleeping in a pigsty.

I suppose we owe you an apology.
We haven't been very good guests.

That's for sure.

You see, we thought this new league
had dismissed our ways of doing things...

...forgotten our traditions.

Are you kidding?

You guys didn't just do the superhero
group thing first, you did it the best.

We saw a lot of us in you out there.

It's nice to know the spirit of the JSA
is alive and well.

I see I missed quite the party.

Yes. My little soiree
was just the thing they needed.

It seems different generations
can bond over a common desire.

- Justice?
- Pie.

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