Original subtitles

Welcome to the final moments of the event they said could never happen.

This is Jimmy Olsen, and if you're just tuning in...

...gee whiz, where the heck have you been?

Let's look at the highlights of the greatest event...

...in the history of any sport ever played, any place, ever.

The Justice League International versus the Legion Of Doom.

The JLI took an early lead...

...due to heavy hitters Superman and Wonder Woman.

We just got word that Supes' first hit passed the moon, Titan.

Luthor looked like an easy strikeout, but had a surprise up his sleeve.

Joker hit a foul ball, ugh, literally.

He turned it into the tying run.

Which brings us to the bottom of the ninth.

Heroes coming up to the plate with the villains leading by three.

Should be an exciting finish.

I know it's not looking good right now.

But those stands are full of people...

...kids, like little Julie Schwartz and Franky Miller from Gotham City...

...who are depending on us to show that, even in baseball...

...good always triumphs over evil.

So let's go out there and give it our all.

The heroes start the inning with their heavy hitters.

Merciful Minerva.

Out. Uh-oh.

Looks like Amazo's playing favorites for the villains.

Safe.

But the truth prevails.

Luthor's not taking any chances on the Man of Steel.

He forces him to take a stroll to first.

Robin, the boy bunter, loads the bases for the heroes.

Luthor's calling time...

...and I'm willing to bet he's calling his team a few things while he's at it.

Imbeciles! You couldn't catch a cold.

What we need is a pitcher, not a belly itcher.

No. What we need is magic.

Thanks to Faust's spell...

...they'll have better luck swinging a wet noodle.

The game is as good as ours.

The heroes have the bases loaded with no outs.

This game is as good as theirs.

Strike one.

Strike two.

Three strikes. He's out.

Another out and what looked like a promising inning...

...has turned into a nail-biter.

It all comes down to Batman.

Hey, mister. I won three Little League championships with this.

It's my lucky bat.

I want you to have it.

Doesn't matter.

He's still no match for my arm.

Great Scott!

Luthor's been cheating the whole time.

Strike one.

Strike two.

He swings.

Batman's done it.

I can't believe my eyes.

JLI wins! JLI wins!

Say what you want about the Dark Knight, but today, he truly is a "bat" man.

This is Jimmy Olsen signing off.

Ladies and gentlemen, today we present a modern twist...

...on a true clown classic, a staple of harlequin humor.

Our unwilling participant, the Dark Knight himself...

...and a surprise guest, a nosy reporter who got a little too close to her story.

I hope this doesn't dissuade you from a life of journalism, Miss Vale.

It's still a noble calling.

Without further ado, I give you that time-honored staple of comedy.

A pie in the face, the abridged version.

Disappointing.

I expected a bit more fanfare...

...to usher in the worldwide reign of Lex Luthor.

Hold it, Luthor.

Surrender now, Cheetah, and spare yourself another humiliating defeat.

But, Wonder Woman, darling, what fun would that be?

Hold tight, Miss Vale.

But it was foolproof. Foolproof!

I've won, Superman.

Proven myself superior. Admit it.

Have to know. How?

A perpetual energy source, Superman.

Enough to counter any degree of power, even yours.

Thanks for the info.

Unh! You've ruined everything. But I can still ruin you.

Here it comes.

The city's lead sewer pipes will take care of that.

But it was foolproof.

Foolproof!

But it was foolproof.

Foolproof!

Couldn't have done it without your help, Major Trevor.

- So are we still on? - I'm in.

- Batman? You coming? - Wouldn't miss it.

Okay, here's one from my Smallville days.

Disgusting.

It's in my palm. See?

I meant the tabletop. It's hideous.

Are these cows?

It's not the venue. It's the company.

- Double-bacon cheeseburger with fries. - Make it two.

I'll have the tuna club on whole wheat and a salad...

Make it three. And shakes all around.

You'll work it off, princess.

Have either of you given any thought to the time capsule?

Oh, right, the Superhero Memorial.

So we give them a personal item...

...they bury it and dig it up again in 50 years? Why?

A message to future generations of heroes.

Did you see their suggestions?

Your tiara, my cape, Batman's Batarang?

Please. As if those things were all that defined us.

Agreed. But then, what?

To be continued, I guess. Food's here.

When I'm fighting for the American way, this is what I'm really talking about.

We need a victory. And we need it now.

Oh, face it, Lexy, the act's gone stale.

Our respective nemesi know all the punch lines.

Like kryptonite. Can't you do anything creative with it?

I don't need advice from a cut-rate Catwoman.

Crazy thought. Maybe it's time we changed dance partners, hmm?

You scratch my foe's back, I'll scratch yours.

Yes. If each of us takes on a different hero, it's a whole new game.

Advantage, us.

Dibs on the swimsuit model.

A mere mortal for a change.

But that leaves Cheetah with...

The Man of Steel? Ha.

Steel or flesh, no man can resist the claws of this cat.

And this time, we bring the battle to them.

Mother, I really don't have time for this.

Oh, please. It's just one little contest.

Which can last for days.

I only came to Paradise Island today...

...to find something to donate for the time capsule project...

...something that signifies heroism.

I need to find...

I haven't seen such a battle since my own daughter's historic victory.

Who are you?

Just a humble warrior, my queen.

Call me Maniaque, if it pleases you.

Come forward and be honored, Maniaque.

Maniaque?

Mother, look out!

The Joker.

Well, it ain't Helen of Troy.

No man sets foot on Paradise Island, let alone an insane psychopath.

I am what I am, Wonder Wench.

And you're about to be ancient history.

So this is how the other half lives.

Time to find out how the other half dies.

Hmm. Kandor City. Filled with Kryptonian artifacts.

Sorry, big boy.

Your message in a bottle will have to wait forever.

- How did you...? - This charming little bauble.

The Amulet of Urzkartaga channels the full mystic powers...

...of my feline namesake.

Magic, Superman.

Something to which you are particularly vulnerable.

Impressive, but you still won't win, so you might as well surrender now.

Kryptonite-laced nail polish. Isn't it too divine?

Under all that steel, just a man.

Now to claim my prize.

Are you sure this is the right approach, Master Bruce?

Of course, Alfred.

By feeding all the requirements of the time capsule ceremony into the Bat-Computer...

...length of time, posterity, heroics, it'll tell me the perfect item to donate.

"A Batarang."

Genius.

And you are officially late for your dinner with Miss Vale.

Will you have any further need for me then, sir?

That will be all for tonight, Alfred.

Our tracking devices worked as planned.

Leading us straight to our enemies.

Caught with your trunks down, Dark Knight?

Hair, black. Muscular frame.

Who are you?

Did you come here to fight me, Luthor, or my janitor?

Oh, dear.

Good job, Alfred. I've got it from here.

Bash that bald blighter.

What's the matter, Luthor? Superman proved too much for you?

Years of fighting an almost god-like being.

Now it's just man against man.

This is almost too easy.

Delightful.

Now then, where were we?

Ah, yes, your secret identity.

Manners, Batman.

Always look a visitor in the eye.

Very clever, Dark Knight.

No matter.

As we speak, Joker is finishing off Wonder Woman, and Cheetah, Superman.

Then go ahead, Luthor.

Better to die here with dignity than face the world in disgrace.

The world, you say?

Now that's an idea. You're not as dumb as you look.

Slave all teleporters to my command.

You know me. I love to beat a joke to death.

You always had lousy timing, Lexy.

I was about to deliver a killer punch line.

You cretinous chrome dome! What's the meaning of this?

Wouldn't you rather finish off our captive audience...

...before a captive audience?

Now the whole world can see.

But this time, the world is not enough.

Attention all sentient beings in the known galaxy.

It is I, Lex Luthor.

And I, the Cheetah in the adorable fur.

And last but never least, me...

...the mountebank of menace, the lord of laughs, the clown prince of... Unh!

Joker.

We, Earth's greatest villains...

...hereby declare final victory over Earth's greatest heroes...

...the big three, the trinity. Behold.

Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman.

This was your idea?

Why bring us to the heart of the enemy stronghold itself?

Remember, it's not the venue.

It's the company.

So, Luthor, since you tricked us by switching opponents...

...I assume you'll divvy up the spoils accordingly.

You'll get Gotham City, Joker gets Paradise Island...

...and Cheetah gets Metropolis.

Are you mad?

Lex Luthor give Metropolis to this freakish furball? Never.

You dare deny me your precious Metropolis?

It was I who beat the last son of Krypton, not you, little man.

She's right, Lexy. A deal's a deal.

You can't stand that I'm better. Stop it.

Don't you tell me what to do!

Enough. Metropolis is mine and that's final.

Oh, Rats.

Now it's time we thank our hosts for their hospitality.

Shall we trade dance partners again?

Let's keep them guessing.

Yeah!

Three on one? Where's your sense of sportsmanship?

And that's a wrap.

There's still one major problem.

The time capsule.

It's the deadline and none of us have anything.

I'm sure we'll figure something out.

As we open this time capsule after 50 years...

...we finally get our answer to the question:

What does it mean to be a superhero?

Well, that's heroic.

You take the one on the left, I'll take the right.

Works for me.

You coming or what?

Wouldn't miss it.

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