Original subtitles

But, Batman, last night you wore the green costume.

- And tonight you're wearing the red. Why? - I must, Robin.

I must wear a different-colored Batman costume each night.

We've caught you red-handed, Firefly.

But you'll be black-and-blue if you don't give yourself up.

Batman. Color me unimpressed.

Your red prisma ray is useless against objects of the same color.

This rainbow rampage is over, Firefly.

A clever ploy, changing your costume each night to neutralize my weapons, Batman.

But you forget, I'm the man of a thousand lights.

Holy Neapolitan ice cream! What is that?

Dynamic Duo, meet the Rainbow Creature.

Each color has its own strange power.

Whoa!

You're no match for my pet, Caped Crusader.

Then it's a good thing I've made another alteration to my costume.

No!

Whatever you've got in your pocket, pal, that's where it stays.

Fortunately, the effect was only temporary.

But Firefly's going up the river permanently.

Just look at all that ice.

Touch it and you'll be looking at 10 years in Blackgate Prison.

I've been itching for some payback, Batman.

The Ten-Eyed Man? Cool.

- Did you hear that? - Unfortunately.

Be careful, Batman.

According to Who's Who, the Ten-Eyed Man, a. k. a. Philip Reardon...

...was a soldier in the Special Forces.

I thought we had a deal, Bat-Mite.

I do the crime-fighting, you go back to your home dimension.

"He was wounded in battle...

...and took a job back home as a security guard.

One night, thieves knocked him out and planted a bomb.

When Batman arrived to stop them...

...Reardon mistook him for one of the robbers and they fought.

The bomb exploded, blinding Reardon...

...but a surgeon attached his optic nerves to his fingertips...

...and Reardon became the Ten-Eyed Man. "

- Weird. - Beat it, kid.

True fans appreciate a nod to the more obscure villains from your Rogues Gallery.

That's one of the great things about your show.

Ah! Belt net!

This isn't a show for your amusement, Bat-Mite. This is reality.

To you 3Ds, maybe. I love how you take it so seriously.

Here.

Ten-Eye, catch. - What?

My eyes! My eyes!

Don't get me wrong. That was a cool fight and all...

...but it was strictly C-list.

I don't play favorites. Every criminal must be brought to justice.

But a hero is measured by the strength of his adversary...

...and you're way better than Ten-Eye.

The whole reason I've come back is I wanna see the ultimate face-off.

Your obsession with me is flattering, Bat-Mite, but it's not healthy.

I may be obsessed with you, but you're obsessed with someone too.

What is this place?

My shrine to the greatest rivalry in all of herodom.

Batman versus the Joker.

There's nothing glamorous about fighting the Joker.

Are you kidding? It's good versus evil. Order versus chaos.

The unstoppable force versus the immovable object.

No clash is more epic.

Just look.

Remember when the Joker made his own utility belt?

"The Laughing Fish. "

They don't get much better than that.

The "Death in the Family" saga.

On that one, the fans got to choose what happened to Jason Todd.

Guess how I voted.

I'm saving this one for your next battle...

...which I just know will be the best one ever.

There isn't going to be a next battle. The Joker is locked up in Arkham Asylum.

He could escape. The Joker always escapes.

Not this time. I designed his cell personally.

The Joker just escaped from Arkham Asylum.

What an incredible coincidence.

Awesome-sauce.

Maybe we should leave this to the police. I don't think I can trust you in there.

But you have to fight him.

Then promise me you won't use your powers.

It stays in the holster.

Ah. Chaplin's cane. Kovacs' cigar.

The Stooges' seltzer bottle.

Oh, I can't choose. Let's just steal everything.

Ha-ha-ha! Huh?

I hope you enjoyed your brief taste of freedom...

...because I'm sending you back to Arkham, you pale-faced Pagliacci.

Batman, welcome to the party.

Destroy him.

It's everything I dreamt it would be.

Who is that?

You wouldn't hit an innocent girl...

...lured astray by a fiendish criminal mastermind, would you?

Ha, ha. Sucker.

Ha, ha! Unh!

Just look at them go.

They really bring out the best in each other, don't they?

- Who are you supposed to be? - I'm with Batman.

And you are?

- Harley Quinn. - Such a pretty name.

You deserve a hand.

Don't worry, Batman. I'll save you.

No powers. You promised.

You can't use your powers.

But Batman didn't say you couldn't give them to him.

He's got a point.

Oops.

I don't know what just happened...

...but I like it!

I'm so tingly.

Like after a nice relaxing round of shock therapy.

Oh, I feel like a million bucks.

Now, this is interesting.

Ah. My very own Hammer for Injustice.

No, no, no.

This is a big mistake.

Look at this. Someone put a pig in a bat-suit.

I'm Bat-Mite and those powers belong to me.

Give them back now.

Sorry, I think I'll hold on to them.

But I really should give you something in return.

- Oh, no. - Your very own me.

Leave me alone! Batman, help!

Nowhere to run, chump.

I'm gonna put a pretty smile on that stupid face of yours.

I'm not scared of you, you creep.

No!

Stop. It tickles.

That's enough, Joker.

I won't allow your twisted mind to warp reality any further.

Frankly, old chum, there's nothing you can do to stop me.

You see, I'm no longer the Joker you know and love.

I'm the king of the world!

- Unh. - You know, Batsy, I've been thinking.

There's only one thing wrong with our relationship.

You always win.

Tonight, that changes.

You haven't beaten me yet, Joker.

I know. Isn't the anticipation just killing you?

Ain't you gonna take his mask off and find out who he is?

And reduce my primal enemy to a mere man?

Harley, my dear, I'm so disappointed in you.

Where's the fun in that?

You can be a goody two-shoes

Till the end of your days

You can listen to them say "Crime never pays"

You can follow every law And fear the big black bat

But why would you want to? Huh? Where's the fun in that?

Where's the fun in that?

So smile, darn you, smile

Everybody loves to grin

Follow my lead Recite my creed

And smile, darn you, smile

Don't listen to the dullards Say that life is a bore

Those fuddy-duddies spoil all my fun

That's why I strive to eradicate gloom

It's from that itch I made the switch

And chose my nom de plume

The Joker

There's the fun in that

There's the fun in that

So smile, darn you, smile

Everybody ought to laugh

Oh!

And so with glee I do decree

Just smile, darn you, smile

So when living gets a little rough And you find it hard to cope

I'm the gent with just the stuff To fill you full of hope

Just smile, darn you, smile

Everybody needs a clown

Now with one stroke The final joke

Just smile, darn you

Smile, darn you, smile

Everybody loves to grin

Follow my lead Recite my creed

And smile

Ha!

Darn you, smile

I love it.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the death of Batman.

Come on, Batman. You can get out.

He got out. He got out.

Nice try, Joker. Aah!

I can't believe it. He's...

He's actually gone.

Let's take a moment to reflect on the passing of a man...

...who was more than just another do-gooder in tights.

He was the best arch-nemesis a sociopath could ask for.

Okay, let's do it again.

Batman. He's alive.

But not for long.

Boss, what should we do with the Dork Knight?

Go easy on the little guy, will you, Mr. Joker?

I think he's kind of cute.

Hmm, as you wish.

Every king needs a court jester.

I'm sorry, Batman. Without my powers, I'm worthless.

The true measure of a hero is his heart, not power.

One more time.

Ah. Whenever Batman's around, that's all Mr. Joker cares about.

It's like no one else exists.

Oh, I know how you feel.

Batman fights other crooks, but all he thinks about is the Joker.

Maybe I'm better off without him.

I can't take it anymore, Joker. Put me out of my misery.

There's nothing more you can do to me...

...except take away my sanity.

Sanity?

You mean make you fall into madness like yours truly?

Now, that sounds like fun!

I'm gonna climb inside your noodle and loosen a few screws.

No, you can't. Sanity is all I have left.

A mind is a terrible thing to lose.

You're going to be a drooling, mindless fop when I'm done.

And then I'm gonna kill you some more.

Sorry to interrupt, my little huggle-buggy, but I was just thinking...

Your first mistake.

Are you sure going in there is a good idea?

You know what? You talk too much.

While I'm gone, Joker-Mite's in charge.

Got you covered, boss.

Let's have some fun, shall we?

Creepy.

You may not have far to fall.

You're trespassing, Joker.

Try and stop me, old pointy-ears.

So many wonderful painful memories to plunder.

Ooh, this looks promising.

Must be a nice juicy one.

Is it about how Mommy and Daddy never loved you?

You can't keep me out forever!

I was thinking, boys.

If we offed Batman, the Joker would go with him.

And we'd be in charge.

Quick, say something else.

Get them, boys.

There's nothing we can do. It's mind versus magic now.

Oh, where's the whimsy, Batman?

Huh?

An organized mind is a disciplined mind, Joker.

And a disciplined mind is a powerful mind.

Wait. What's happening?

You're on my turf now.

What is this place?

It's your worst nightmare.

A world where Batman doesn't exist.

Without Batman, the police are overwhelmed.

Crime is rampant.

My kind of town.

But you have no one to match wits with, no symbol of goodness to corrupt.

Without Batman, there can be no Joker.

No loose screws. No lost marbles. No bats in your belfry.

In this world, you're perfectly sane.

No! Make it stop. Let me out of here, I command you.

You have no power here.

I'll give it all up.

Please, just let me go back to being me.

I ca... I can't be average.

Mr. Joker!

Hey, I can talk.

My powers. Ha, ha.

Bat-Mite, can you undo the mess Joker made?

Sure, Batman. No sweat. Ha-ha-ha!

- What did the Joker see in there? - Only what I wanted him to.

So, uh, Harley, you wanna maybe hang out or something?

Sorry, kid, but I'm a one guy type of gal.

Isn't that right, huggle-buggy?

Don't take it so hard, old chum.

Besides, you're an official crime-fighter now that you have your own arch-nemesis.

Hey, you're right. Thanks, Batman.

How'd you like to go to the 5th dimension?

- No, I... - Cool.

We're gonna have so much fun.

That's all, folks.

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