Original subtitles

- What are you, on your periods?

You played like a bunch of girls!

- Uh, coach, some girls are really good at basketball.

- Girls give great blow jobs, too. What are you saying Elliot?

Do you give great blow jobs?!

- Pretty good. - And you...

You're the team captain.

You're responsible for this gaggle of pussies.

You lose one more game,

and not only are you off the team,

but I'll take a DNA test to prove that you're not my son.

Do you understand me?

- Yes, Dad. - Yes what?!

- Yes, coach!

- Hit the showers! - Go Goats!

- Oh, shut up!

[soft music]

- Flos mihi rex...

regis of lusum.

[heavy metal]

- Okay, gang. I think I know who has the book.

Christy Farber over there just won

the school band's raffle, again.

I think she's using the book

to win raffles. - Great detective work.

- I don't know, Hannah. Monster raffles?

Sounds kinda lame for the book. [mixed chatter]

- Who... is... that?

- Oh, that's just another jocktard.

- No, that's Daryl Chandrakala.

He's the captain of the basketball team.

You guys should've seen Daryl this morning at practice.

He actually got the ball through the, uh... hoopy thingy?

A bunch of times.

- Isn't that normal for basketball?

- Not in Crowley High.

- So he can throw a rubber ball through a hoop.

I mean, who cares?

I've got more important things to deal with than boys.

- Hey, Jenny.

I've been waitin' for ya.

- You have? How do you even know me?

- Come have lunch with me... [deep voice]: Baby doll.

- Okay. Let's go have lunch.

- Okay, how are we gonna find the book

if people just walk off in the middle of our meetings?

- She'll be back.

I mean... there's no way my Jenny's gonna be

some jocktard's arm candy.

- I got my hair cut the way you like it.

Isn't it a kick?

- Now that's the way it's supposed to be.

It shows off your lovely face.

- You think so?

- Here, peanut. I got you a present.

Ain't it swell? - Peachy keen!

Golly, it's pretty!

- Don't you guys think something weird's going on?

- Yeah, who knew poodle skirts were back in style?

- You played great last night, Daryl.

- No, what's totally weird is why Jenny would go

for some jocktard jock with greasy hair

when I'm right here waiting for her.

- Maybe because all of a sudden, he's a hammer on the hardwood.

And he's super popular.

And he's got a sweet ride with a big backseat

for big backseat action.

[bell ringing]

Oh, I'm late for basketball practice.

- I think I'll join you.

- Man, Jenny's falling for some bumrod basketball player

with a fast car.

- Dude, chicks dig cars, man. It's the laws of nature.

You can't change that.

- Well, then I'm gonna have to get a car.

- Do you even know how to drive?

- Well, then I'm gonna have to learn how to drive.

Hey, can you teach me?

- Uh, gee, um...

I have a hot date tonight with Miss Lily.

- Miss Lily was killed by the big, bad baby.

- Oh, it's... I meant Miss Dempsey.

She's not dead, right? - No.

- Then there you have it. Miss Dempsey it is.

Her and I tonight, hot date.

I'm sorry, man. I gotta get ready, so...

- Yeah, thanks for nothing, Jimmy.

[50s rock music]

- I'm open!

[Jenny screaming, applauding]

[Jenny cheering]

[blowing a kiss]

- Nice one, Daryl!

- Chet!

Coach, I keep telling you, my name is Chet.

- Sure, Chet. I don't care what name's on the trophy

as long as we bring it home!

- Oh, jiminy, what a pass! - Yeah, nice shot!

Give him the ball, guys. Let's do a few more...

- Why is Daryl calling himself Chet?

- Well, Daryl used to suck.

And then, out of nowhere, he became

the best player on the team.

- Johnson, come on!

- So that's why he's calling himself Chet?

- Chet means king in Latin.

- Rex means king in Latin.

- Then I have no idea why he wants to be called Chet.

- Don't you think this is all strange?

Potentially supernaturally strange?

- What do I know about basketball?

I don't even speak Latin.

- So why'd you volunteer to be the school mascot

if you don't know anything about basketball?

- It's for my granny. She's dying.

- Oh, my God! That's terrible.

- And she's losing her hearing too.

- Yeah...

- She was always such a huge Crowley High Goats fan.

I wanted to make her happy,

but this is the closest I can get to being on the team.

- That's actually really sweet of you.

- Um, I should show you our cheer.

It's a classic. - Sure.

- Okay.

[throat clearing]

♪ Crowley High Crowley High

♪ For you to win the goat must die ♪

[screaming]

♪ The goat must die the goat must die ♪

♪ Go Goats [laughter]

[imitating goat scream] ♪ Go Goats ♪

- Oh, beautiful, Daryl! Beautiful!

- So, little dude.

You finally decided to come to us for some enlightenment?

- If by enlightenment you mean learn how to drive,

then yes. I don't have anyone else to ask.

[heavy metal music]

- Then let us bestow the art of driving upon you,

little dude.

Saddle up on this iron pony.

[tires screeching] [heavy metal music]

[all]: Feel the power of steel! [laughter]

- I feel like we're all gonna die!

[tires screeching] - You gotta let go of control

in order to gain control, little dude.

- Keep one hand on the volume knob at all times.

- The volume's already turned all the way up!

[loud heavy metal music] - You got to feel it, loser.

- I already know how to use a stereo!

Somebody teach me something about steering!

- Dude, just let metal guide your path,

all right? - There's a tree in my path!

- Metal hates trees.

[girlish screaming]

[crashing]

[Brody laughing]

Nar nar!

[music stopping] [Todd]: Oh...

- Well, then you are now a man, little dude.

- Go forth and be manly.

- The loser totally killed our car.

- Yeah. We should probably get out before it explodes.

- Hey. - Hi.

- Can you look up a brownie recipe for me?

- Yeah, sure. Look at this.

"Chet Sukowski, the greatest basketball player

"in the history of Crowley High, plunged to his death

"off the edge of Crowley Gorge during a hotrod race,

taking his pregnant girlfriend Jenny McLaren with him."

Daryl must've used the Book of Pure Evil

to become a great basketball player like Chet Sukowski

and now somehow, he's become Chet Sukowski.

Take a look at this picture

of Jenny McLaren. Who does that look like to you?

Daryl must be possessed by Chet's ghost

and think that Jenny is his old girlfriend.

- Okay... okay, I get it.

I got everything that you said

except for the part about Chet Sukowski.

And Daryl.

And Jenny.

[sighing]

- Staying late for practice! That's my boy!

Way to go, Daryl!

- My name is Chet! - Okay, Chet. Calm down.

Now, let's talk about the championships.

We need to go over the team strategy.

- Sorry, coach.

I ain't gonna be playing in no championships.

I gotta take care of my pregnant girlfriend.

- You knocked up that Jenny girl?

But it's only been a day. Damn it, Daryl!

- Chet! - Look... I'm gonna tell you

what I should've told your mother 16 years ago.

There are other options, Daryl.

- I told you...

My name is Chet!

[grunting]

- No!

[cracking sound] [screaming]

- Oh, Chet, when you wrap your talented arms around me,

I feel so... nifty. All my troubles

just splish splash away. I forget who I am

and all I can think of is you, daddy-o.

- I love you too, sweet cheeks.

But all the love in the world ain't gonna fix the fact

that you're heavy with my child.

And I gotta leave the team to support us.

- Chet! What are you talking about?

I'm... not pregnant.

- Huh?

Sorry, peanut.

I guess I got a little bit ahead of myself there.

[deep voice]: But everything is just fine now.

- We have to break Jenny out of this spell,

but we must be careful: any shock to her system

could leave her in a hypnotic comatose state.

- Gotcha.

Jenny, this guy wants to knock you up

and drive over a cliff! - Scram, Curtis!

Now that I have a cool cat like Chet in my life,

I don't need you knuckleheads anymore!

- She called us knuckleheads!

- Look, Jenny, don't you get it? Daryl used the book.

- Listen, peepers!

You're upsettin' my baby doll.

And that just makes me go ape.

And you don't want to make me go ape!

- Hey, douchewad!

- Unless you're cruisin' for a bruisin', Todd Smith,

you better scram. - Scram, Todd, scram!

- Jenny...

ever since you've been hanging out with this greasy twit,

you've forgotten about what's important to you:

fighting the Book of Pure Evil and finding your dad.

[echoing]

- She's snapping out of it.

- You think you're some kind of hotshot, don't you.

Well, you hot enough to take on a chicky race at Crowley Gorge?

- Pff... chicky race. [laughing]

[whispering]: No, don't... Please don't!

- I'm sure I can handle

something as lame as a chicky race. You're on.

[together]: Todd, no! - Listen up!

Chicky race tonight at Crowley Gorge.

[cheering]

You wanna be my copilot, baby doll?

- Oh, Chet! Does this mean we're going steady?

[cheering]

[cheering]

- Todd, Hannah's gonna tell you

something really important right now. Hannah.

- Daryl's been possessed by a ghost from the 1950s.

[together]: What?

- He's repeating history.

He's gonna die in a car crash tonight,

and he's taking Jenny with him.

Do you know anyone that has a car?

- Uh... I did,

but I... killed it.

- What are we gonna do?

Todd can't ride his bike in a chicky race.

- There's only one person that can help us.

- Are you kids sure this won't damage my van?

My van was a gift for my sweet 16.

I went through a lot to get that van.

[squirming]

[growling]

- Without this hyperbolic propellant booster,

we'll never stop Daryl's hotrod from plunging into Crowley Gorge

in the chicky race. - Whoa, whoa,

plunging into Crowley Gorge?

What the hell is a chicky race?

- In a chicky race...

two drivers race towards the gorge.

The first one to stop their car... loses.

- You gotta be kidding me!

- Of course, considering

that Daryl's been possessed by a psychotic ghost,

he's gonna go over the cliff

no matter what. The only way to save Jenny

is to get her out of that car somehow.

- So we're gonna wait till Jenny's in a hurtling hotrod,

lean over from our speeding van,

pull her out and this is your best plan?!

[mumbling]: I don't know.

- When Todd mentioned Jenny's dad,

she snapped out of it a little bit, right?

I think Jenny's dad is the key. [metal object dropping]

- Hey, wait a second.

What was Jenny's dad's name?

- Uh, Pat. Pat Kolinsky. Why?

- I found this watch in the boys' washroom last year,

and it has this engraving on the back.

- "#1 Dad. Love J."

- Well, that could be anyone's watch,

and there's no mention of Pat Kolinsky.

- Oh yeah, I found a wallet too,

and it had his driver's licence in it.

But no money.

- This is a great help! Thank you so much!

- I always help when I can. Truth is, Todd...

I was a little embarrassed to tell you

I don't know how to drive. - It's no big deal, man.

I just learned myself.

It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

I could teach you.

- I'd like that, dude.

One day, I'd like that very much.

- You guys better get a car with a big backseat.

- You're a fool.

- If showing Jenny her dad's watch doesn't work,

then hopefully this hyperbolic propelling booster

will make us go fast enough

to get her out of Daryl's car in time.

- Let's do this.

[engine revving]

[cheering]

- Why is he driving my van and not me?

- Duh, he was the one that was challenged.

- Fair enough.

- Jenny!

We found a clue about your dad. [echoing]

- My dad's watch...

Where did you find that?

- Your place is with me, Jenny, not blabbing with your pals.

- Jimmy found it in the school.

[startling]

- What am I doing here?

And why am I wearing a poodle skirt?

- You're not going anywhere, peanut.

You got a date with destiny.

[engine revving] [screaming]

[screaming] [evil laughter]

- Todd, we're losing them!

- Punch it, Hannah!

[screaming]

- Stay on the road!

[Brody]: Let metal guide your path.

[Atticus]: I am an important person.

I am the most important person in my life, which is what...

[heavy metal music]

[Eddie]: You've got to feel it, loser.

[metalheads]: Feel the power of steel!

[laughter]

[screaming] [evil laughter]

[grunting]

[heavy metal music]

- Open your eyes! [echoing]

- Todd! [echoing]

- Now.

[sparking]

- Mr. Murphy!

Mr. Murphy, we're almost at the edge!

[screaming]

- I've got you, Mr. Murphy!

- Don't let go of Mr. Murphy's belt!

- I got you!

- Don't let go of Mr. Murphy's underwear!

[squirming]

[screaming]

For God's sake, Curtis,

don't let go of Mr. Murphy's penis!

- Yes! Don't let go

of my penis!

My penis!!!

- Goodbye, peanut.

[shouting]: My name is Chet!

[heavy breathing]

- So, I guess we're done with the ghost of Chet Sukowski, huh.

- Thanks, guys. You saved my life,

and I feel like I'm closer to figuring out

what happened to my dad.

- Hey, that's okay, Jenny. 'Cause that's what teams do.

Right, team? [all]: Right.

- I didn't hear you, Mr. Murphy.

I said, "That's what teams do, right?"

[all]: Right.

- Right.

You... you can call me Atticus, Todd.

You can... you can all call me Atticus.

- These are quite the brownies, Curtis.

- They're hash brownies!

For your cancer!

- Such a nice boy!

And the greatest basketball player

since Chet Sukowski.

- I do my best.

- That's all anyone can ask.

[sighing]

[distant chatter]

[kissing]

- It was awesome!

It was the most awesome night of my life!

- But you lost the book yet again, Atticus!

And now, they suspect about the girl's father!

- Don't worry about it. They accepted me as one of them.

I am a member of their gang.

- Don't confuse your mission.

Earn their trust, but don't hesitate to destroy them

in order to get the book.

[gasping]

- I finally have a group of friends

who respect me for who I am and you don't even care.

- Silence! There's only one reason

you haven't been kicked out of the Satanic Society!

- You got that right.

I would've killed you years ago!

- Maybe I don't wanna be part of the Satanic Society.

- Oh...

You don't meant that, do you, Atticus?

- No, Dad. [laughing]

- Good. Put your gloves on.

Time to change my colostomy bag.