Original subtitles

Yes, Mr. Abbot?

Miss Bland, you are the movie critic on this so-called newspaper of ours?

Why, yes, Mr. Abbot.

And your column this morning carried a story

about Margaret Joyce playing Violet?

Oh, but it's true this time, Mr. Abbot. And we have it exclusive.

l got an inside tip right from Jimmy Sutton of the Consolidated.

Oh, it's true, is it? And we have it exclusive.

Well, that's just wonderful.

Have you seen this afternoon's edition of the Herald-Express?

Why no, Mr. Abbot. Not yet.

You'll notice a little item in there which reads,

''Consolidated denies Margaret Joyce will play Violet.''

But l don't understand.

Well, l understand, and l've had enough of it.

But, Mr. Abbot, Jimmy Sutton insisted that this story was on the level.

From now on, not a word about Violet

until they definitely decide who's going to play her.

lt's ridiculous. Our readers are beginning to think we're nuts.

Yes, sir.

(DOOR SLAMMlNG)

Get me Jimmy Sutton at the Consolidated Studios.

Right away.

-What do you want? -Mr. Sutton's outside.

-Oh, he is, is he? Send him right in. -Yes, ma'am.

MlSS BLAND: Never mind that call.

Hello, honey.

Listen, honey, l'm awful sorry about that little slip-up.

Why, l'd have bet my right arm that Margaret Joyce was going to play Violet.

-Yeah. -lt was all set. Just like l told you.

Then at the last minute they found that the girl had nothing.

-Absolutely nothing. -Yeah.

l tried to reach you and tell you but the Herald got it first.

But l'm gonna make it up to you. l've got a real scoop for you.

-Oh, this is a real scoop. -ls it!

l've come all the way down here to tell it to you personally. Now, listen,

Girl of the North will absolutely and positively start shooting

a week from next Monday.

And you can tell your readers

that we'll definitely have a Violet by then.

Now, this is the big story,

and l want you to know that you're getting it exclusive.

Why? Because l love you.

-Get out of here. -What's the matter?

Go on, beat it. You can't plant any more bunk in my column.

Bunk? What do you mean, bunk?

l'm giving you the biggest news break of the year.

lf you weren't an old friend of mine, Jenny,

l'd walk right out of here and give that story to somebody else.

Oh, you can take your story and give it to anybody who'll print it.

l won't. Now, go on, get out. l've got a column to do.

(TYPEWRlTER CLACKlNG)

Okay.

Makes it kind of tough on me, though.

Well, guess l'll run along.

Say, how are they fixed for reporters here? Do you think l could get a job?

Job? What's the matter, you quitting the studio?

Well, not exactly, but... Take a look at this.

Say, this means your job.

Oh, well, what's the difference? l'll get another one somewhere.

Kind of hits me at a bad time, though.

Oh, well, you've got some work to do. l'll run along.

-So long. -Wait a minute.

Can't you plant this story anywhere else?

No. Nobody else will believe it. You're my last chance.

Well, l'd hate to have you lose your job on my account.

Oh, forget it. l'll get by.

-Well. All right. l'll run it. -You will?

Oh, gee, honey, that's swell of you. You're a pal. l'm proud of you.

-All right. Here's your hat. Get out. -Bye.

-What's going on, Mike? -They're shooting the number.

(SlNGlNG) An old-fashioned tune

always is new

lt never seems to go

Out of style

For just when you start thinking

lt's through

it comes down from the shelf

With a smile

A simple melody will always linger

l mean the kind you pick out

With one finger

lf you have some thoughts

Rhyming with June

Express them

ln an old-fashioned tune

An old-fashioned tune

Always is new

lt never seems to go

Out of style

For just when you start thinking it's through

And you're afraid it's really true

lt comes down from the shelf

With a smile

(CHORUS HUMMlNG)

A simple melody

Will always linger

l mean the kind you pick out

With one finger

lf you have some thoughts

Rhyming with June

Express them

ln an old-fashioned

Tune

(AUDlENCE APPLAUDlNG)

Okay. Cut! Let's go to lunch.

-Lunch, everybody! One hour! -And that means one hour!

(ALL CHATTERlNG)

Jane, we're going to the drugstore for a sandwich.

Okay.

Miss Varick, he'll be down in just a minute.

Thanks.

You were swell in that last take, honey.

Guess you're getting used to that old devil camera.

That's because l had an audience, even though it was a phony one.

Felt l was back in the theater again.

Oh, what about Saturday? You don't have to work on Sunday.

-Got a date Saturday night. -Oh, is he back in town again?

-Well, l'll call you anyway, huh? -No, l'd better call you.

Do you know where to get in touch?

Jimmy.

Hi, Roger. Hello, Jean.

-Don't forget to call now. -Okay.

What's the idea of sending that dame from the fan magazines

over to my house last night? lt spoiled my whole evening.

Now, listen, Roger. You need all the publicity you can get.

Don't forget this is your first picture and we got to be sure that it clicks.

-Now, tonight... -Tonight he has a date with me.

You can spare him an hour, can't you? Just one little interview.

l'll do anything you want me to do on the company's time,

-but my nights are my own. -Well, okay.

lf that's the way you feel about it. So long. lt's nice to have known you.

Don't be silly. There's nothing personal about this.

No? Take a look at this.

Say, l wouldn't want you to lose your job on my account.

What's the difference? l'll get another one somewhere.

Well, so long, and good luck to you.

-Oh, Jimmy, l guess l can make it tonight. -Really?

Oh, Roger, you're a pal. l'm proud of you. You, too, Jean.

Goodbye.

Hey, close the door. Close the door!

Just a minute, chief. Don't get excited. Everything's all right.

(CHUCKLlNG)

-Well, did it work? -What do you think?

What's eating you?

Chief just saw another Girl of the North screen test.

Just left the projection room. l'm waiting for him to call me now.

Yeah, well, it's getting a little faded.

What does he think this is, a federal project?

He could have found the missing link by this time.

Well, when we do find her, it'll be the biggest story

-since Columbus discovered lsabella. -Yeah. Just about as newsy.

When the chief bought Girl of the North, it was a bestseller,

but there's a new generation growing up.

(lNTERCOM BUZZlNG)

Now, brace yourself. Here it comes.

Hello, chief.

CHlEF: l just saw another girl tested for the Violet Jansen part.

-Well, how was she? -What a performance.

We'll have to fumigate the projection room.

-Well, who's the next victim? -We'll have to look up number 436,

get her address, and have somebody fly out to get her right away.

l'll send you a memo.

Well, here we go again.

This is my turn, l suppose. What a life.

Run all over the world looking for a girl

to play in a picture we won't live long enough to see produced.

Four hundred and thirty six.

There she is. And get your feet off the desk.

-Say, l think l'm going to like this trip. -She look that good?

-She looks good? -No. No, no, not her. Snow, snow.

-l haven't seen snow in three years. -Will you get out of here?

Go get your transportation and get going. And no detours.

You know, boss, you've got an awful suspicious nature.

-Will you get out of here? -Snow. Snow. Oh, boy. Snow.

(TRAlN HORN BLOWlNG)

(SlNGlNG) Listen to the song of the metronome

Tick tock, tick tock

Simple little song of the metronome

tick tock tick tock

Listen to it telling you that life is sublime

Life is sublime if you just take your time

Just keep in time with the song of the metronome

Tick tock tick tock

Listen to it tick tock and even beat

Tick tock tick tock

Beating out a warning to anxious feet

Tra-la-la-la-la

Telling you a turtle had a race with a hare

And at the finish, the turtle was there

Keeping in time with the song of the metronome

Tick tock tick tock

You may be passed

Tick tock tick tock

But you will last

Better to be late than to not arrive

Tick tock tick tock

4.:00 has gone, but you still have 5.:00

Tick tock tick tock

When your day is over you'll be up on the shelf

So brother, don't run away with yourself

Don't run away from the song of the metronome

Tra-la-la-la-la

Tick tock tick tock

Tick tock

That was fine.

-Trudi, congratulations. -You're going to Hollywood.

-You're Violet Jansen. -You're a movie star.

What's the matter, Willie? What's happened?

-Look at this. -Just came over the wire from Hollywood.

''Trudi Hovland, Bergen, Minnesota schoolteacher,

''is the latest candidate selected by the Consolidated Pictures

''for the coveted Violet Jansen role in the Girl of the North. '"

-l don't understand. -There it is, black on white.

-Trudi, aren't you thrilled? -But they never heard of me.

Yes, they have, and you can thank me for it.

You remember that Violet Jansen contest in the fan magazine?

-Well, l sent your picture in. -l don't know what to say.

Well, come on, l'd better take you home.

Gee, Teacher's going to be a movie star.

(ALL CHEERlNG)

Just a minute.

Class dismissed.

(ALL CHEERlNG)

With that new 16-foot harvester thrasher, l can handle two more sections of wheat.

And wait till you see the rotary plow l've ordered.

lt'll weed about 80 acres a day.

They say there's never any winter in Hollywood.

lt must be just like spring there now.

Hi, Willie. Hello, Trudi, you old movie star.

What are you doing here? Come to get my autograph?

No. l got your autograph on my kids' report cards.

-See, l brung you a visitor. -A visitor?

Yeah. A young fella from Hollywood. He's inside with your Aunt Phoebe.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Aunty, have you heard the news?

Heard it? l've practically got my things packed.

Oh, l won't have to take my winter underwear, will l, young man?

No. No, the stars never wear them.

-Congratulations, Miss Hovland. -Thank you.

l'm Jimmy Sutton, your official escort to Hollywood.

Just put yourself in my hands and relax. l'll take care of everything.

Thank you, Mr. Sutton. This is Mr. Hogger.

-Well, how do you do, Mr. Hogger? -Hello.

-You're going with her, huh? -Yes. l'm the delivery boy.

l'll get her there safe and sound. You look a little worried, Mr. Hogger.

-Your name is Hogger, isn't it? -Yeah.

l can see myself now,

Mickey Rooney on one knee and Wally Beery on the other.

Well, if it's all same to you, we'll take the plane in the morning.

-So soon? -You mean we have fly?

They're pretty anxious to get this picture started.

Well, at the rate they've been going, we could go out in a covered wagon.

Well, that's the picture business, Miss Hovland.

Always in a hurry. Always rushing around in circles.

Then when they're finished, what have they got?

-What have they got? -An epic.

Well, that's something, l suppose.

(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

Come in!

Oh, isn't it wonderful, Trudi?

-We've come to congratulate you. -lmagine you a movie star.

When are you leaving?

First thing in the morning with Mr. Sutton. He's from Hollywood.

-Hollywood! -Hollywood!

Now just a moment, ladies.

-What's Richard Greene like? -Have you ever seen Joan Crawford?

-Just a moment now. -Who does Don Ameche really love?

-Mrs. Ameche. -Are the Ritz Brothers really brothers?

They're the fathers of the Dead End Kids.

(SlNGlNG) On the good ship lollipop

lt's a sweet trip to the candy shop

Where the bonbons play

TRUDl: Aunty.

(GROANlNG) Yes, darling.

With all this excitement around,

l really haven't had a chance to think about this thing.

lt swept me off my feet.

But l'm just wondering, l may be making a mistake.

-About going to Hollywood? -Yes.

Going out there, having a big fuss made over me,

everybody here all excited, and then what?

They'll only send me back.

lf l thought l had a chance of getting the part, it would be different,

but l'm not fooling myself.

Well, darling, don't go if you don't want to.

Aunty, would you be terribly disappointed?

Who, me? Oh, don't be silly. Of course not. Hollywood?

(SCOFFS )

Oranges and actors.

-Good night, Aunty. -Good night.

(CHlLDREN CHATTERlNG)

Now, Freddy, be careful.

-Teacher, is this right now? -Let me see.

Well, that's fine, Phyllis.

All right, children. Take your places for the skating number.

(lNSTRUMENTAL MUSlC PLAYlNG ON GRAMOPHONE)

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

Freddy. All right, children. Take your skates off and rest.

Now, Freddy, come right back here.

Do l have to go after you?

GlRL: Come on, Freddy, come on!

(ALL CHEERlNG)

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

-He tripped me. -You go back with the other children.

l'll take care of you later.

-Good morning, Mr. Sutton. -Good morning, Miss Hovland.

You big bully!

(CHlLDREN LAUGHlNG)

Say, tell me what's all this about that message that your aunt gave me?

Well, l thought it over.

The idea of me playing Violet Jansen is just too fantastic.

Well, what's the matter? lsn't the part big enough?

-Well, being that it's you, we'll build it up. -lt's too big.

And the more l think about it, the more ridiculous it becomes.

-Well, what's ridiculous about it? -Everything.

Suddenly you pick me up and fly me to the coast for a big screen test.

What chance have l got? l have no training.

l'm just a schoolteacher.

Now, listen. l've come all the way from Hollywood just to...

Miss Hovland, will you light someplace so l can talk to you?

There's nothing more to talk about, Mr. Sutton.

And l've got to get back to my class.

Well, l guess there's nothing more l can say.

l suppose you're right, though.

Your chances of clicking out there would be pretty slim.

-Makes it kind of tough on me, though. -You?

-What has it got to do with you? -Oh, nothing much. Just my job.

Your job?

Yes, you see, l was sent here to bring you back,

and if you don't come, why, naturally,

they're going to feel that l messed things up.

-lt's really no concern of yours. -l'm awfully sorry.

l hate to have you fired on my account, but l don't know what to do.

l'll tell you what. You look like a pretty level-headed sort of girl.

Well...

lnstead of going out there all hepped up about a movie career,

why don't you just go for the ride?

Now, don't give up your job here but just take a leave of absence.

-You'd like to see Hollywood. -Yes.

So this is what happens. You arrive in Hollywood,

you take your screen test and forget all about that.

Then you and your aunt vacation for a couple of weeks

at the company's expense.

lt isn't quite as simple as all that.

You really think they'll fire you?

Well, they certainly won't give me a raise, but that's...

That's my little problem.

l realize how you feel, Miss Hovland, and l suppose you're right.

Anyway, it's nice to have met you. Goodbye and good luck.

Goodbye.

-Oh, Mr. Sutton. -Yes?

-l'd like to talk this over a little more. -Oh, that's fine.

Do you like it?

l feel like Cinderella on her way to the ball.

Only this Cinderella's been invited.

They send a courier 2,000 miles

to whisk her through the clouds on a flying carpet.

-That's a lot of whisking, 2,000 miles. -lt's a little chilly up in the clouds.

Oh, here we are.

Maybe l can get the stewardess to rustle you up a cup of hot tea,

or would you rather sleep for a little while?

Oh, no. l don't want to sleep. l'm afraid l might miss something.

(CHUCKLES ) Be right back.

Better keep your slippers on, Cinderella.

-Why, Aunty, l thought you were asleep. -No. Afraid l might miss something.

What do you mean?

l suppose you don't know that young pup has taken a fancy to you.

-To me? Oh, don't be silly. -Now, now, l know the signs.

lf l'm any judge of fishing, you've got a nibble.

Oh, no. He's just being nice to me. lt's his job.

Well, he certainly loves his work.

(SHUSHlNG) Here he comes.

l don't want him to think l've been eavesdropping.

Well, here we are. This ought to warm you up.

Oh, fine. Thank you.

-Sugar? -Yes, thank you. One lump.

One lump.

-And you, madam? -Three lumps with lemon.

Her eyebrows are too low and too thick. We'll have to raise them.

Yes. Give her some eyelashes and a little more shadow.

l think we'd better raise her cheek bones. She looks too well fed.

-Can you do anything with her nose? -There's nothing to work on.

Hey, wait a minute. Take it easy.

lf we'd have wanted another face, we wouldn't have brought her here.

Can't do it up, her face is too round.

-No. Can't comb it back, either. -Why don't you just wave it and let it lay?

-Hey, Jerry. -Hello, Jimmy.

Hello, Chuck.

Well, the condemned ate a hearty meal, huh?

-l wish it was over. -Oh, listen, kid.

You just go in there and give them everything you got.

Of course you're frightened.

So was George Arliss when he made his first picture.

-He told me so himself. -Hi, Jimmy.

-Hello, Greg. -Miss Hovland, we're waiting for you.

Well, it's the last mile, but l feel a little better.

That's the girl. Knock them cold. Do you mind if l stay and watch?

l'd rather you didn't.

l want you to remember the nice things about me.

Okay, good luck. l'll be up in the office if you want me.

Chief's been in that projection room an awful long time.

-What are you so nervous about? -Who's nervous?

Just wondering where l'm gonna have to go for the next Violet Jansen

-if this one flops. -What do you mean, ''if''?

Anyway, you're not gonna have any time to pick Violets.

You got to go to work on Roger Maxwell. He's acting up again.

You're the only guy that can do anything with him.

Ducked another interview yesterday. Went to the races with Jean.

-Funny we don't hear from the chief. -Will you stop hopping around?

Listen, how would you like to go through what l have?

This makes 436 times l've looked at this little tin god,

waiting for the verdict, always knowing what the answer will be.

She's too this or she's too that. Too tall, she's too short.

(lNTERCOM BUZZlNG)

-Go on. Go on. Answer it. -Yes, chief?

CHlEF: Whit, l've just seen the greatest actress since Cleopatra.

-This is official. -You have? Who is she?

-Who do you think? What's her name? -For Violet Jansen?

Of course.

You mean Trudi Hovland, the little schoolteacher?

-Of course. -She made it!

She made it! My little schoolteacher!

Notify all the syndicates, the AP, the UP, the lP,

the radio press bureaus. Get the newsreel cameras. Get everybody.

Hello, get me Louella Parsons, get me Jimmy Starr,

Get me Harrison Carroll, get me Jimmy Fidler.

(lNTERCOM BUZZlNG)

-Yeah, what do you want? -SECRETARY: Your wife's on the phone.

l haven't got any time to talk to my wife now.

Get me those people and get them right away.

l don't care where they are. Get them.

Hello, dear.

-Why, Jimmy. -Am l the first one to get here?

-Yes. -Good.

Well, come on, out with it. Tell me quick so l can get it off my mind.

Come here.

-Look. -Look at what?

Yesterday, just a number, Violet Jansen screen test number 436.

-Today... -Today, a schoolteacher on vacation.

Today, the greatest name in the picture business.

The greatest star in the Hollywood heavens.

Trudi Hovland, Violet Jansen, Girl of the North.

(lMlTATlNG TRUMPET BLOWlNG)

-Be serious for a minute, will you? -l am serious, Trudi.

l just wanted to be the first one to tell you. We made it.

The chief just saw your tests, and you're elected.

-No. -Yes. You're a star, you're a celebrity.

-You're Violet Jansen. You're it. -You're crazy.

Look, l wouldn't kid you about a thing like this, Trudi. lt's true, l tell you.

-But l can't believe it. -Come on. Now, pull yourself together.

There will be a bunch of reporters up here in a minute

and you got to give them a life story.

Now, what did your father do in Norway, wasn't it?

-Papa was in the fish business. -The fish business?

-Me, Violet Jansen. -That's no good, fish business.

-What did your grandfather do? -Grandpa was in the fish business, too.

Oh, God. No romance in the fish business.

-l must be dreaming. -We got to get you some ancestors.

l got it! You come from a long line of bold, adventurous Vikings,

explorers, pirates.

-ln the fish business? -Yeah.

No, no, not the fish business.

Through your veins courses the blood of Eric the Red, on your father's side,

and your grandmother... Your grandmother...

Your grandmother was a famous Swedish nightingale.

Noted for her voice, her beauty and her smorgasbord.

Yeah, smorgasbord. That's very good and...

Hollywood, California, an unknown young schoolteacher,

Hollywood, California, an unknown young schoolteacher,

Trudi Hovland, has been selected by Consolidated Pictures.

(SPEAKlNG lN FRENCH)

(SPEAKlNG lN SPANlSH)

(SPEAKlNG FORElGN LANGUAGE)

All right, call me up when you find out about him. Goodbye.

-Hello, Jimmy. -Hello, Whit. You wanted to see me?

That was a fine job you did with Trudi Hovland.

Oh, thanks very much. Do l get a raise or is that just the TL?

But you're gonna get fired

if you don't do something about Roger Maxwell.

-And get your feet off my desk. -Now listen, Whit,

l'm doing the best l can but l'm no miracle man.

-He won't play ball. -WHlT: Make him.

We're spending a million dollars for his picture. You got to put him over.

You better do some fast thinking. And think in your own office.

How can you eat with a temper like that? Well, let's see.

Well, now, let's see, supposing he took a sock at somebody,

or maybe he could rent a boat and get lost at sea.

Or took milk baths or chased a runaway horse cart.

Modern, right up to the minute, aren't you? Right on your toes.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Give me a chance. Let me think.

ls that what you call it?

Say, what about a romance?

He's having a romance with Jean. What has that got him?

Yeah, but Jean doesn't mean anything.

Supposing he went out with Violet Jansen, Trudi Hovland.

Anything that girl does is news.

Any man that goes out with her is important.

-Yeah. But what'll it do to Trudi? -lt can't hurt Trudi.

She's got to go out with somebody. Why not Roger?

But don't let it get serious. Just let them be seen together.

The newspapers will take care of the rest.

Do you think she'll fall for a phony romance?

Yeah, maybe not, if she knows it's just for publicity.

Wait a minute. Don't let her in on it. Fix it up with Roger.

-Have him date her up and take her out. -Yeah, that might do it.

lt's got to do it. Now, go on, Cupid. Beat it. Shoot your little arrow.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ouch!

Just practicing, boss.

(SWlNG MUSlC PLAYlNG)

(ALL APPLAUDlNG)

This is the first time Aunt Phoebe has ever been in a nightclub.

Well, are you thrilled?

lt's just a fancy saloon without the cuspidors.

But l like it. This is champagne, l suppose?

As if you didn't know.

l'll bet many a gay, young blade sipped champagne out of your slipper.

Not mine. But your uncle wanted to

on our wedding night, but l was wearing boots.

-Oh, Rog! -Hi, Jimmy.

-Hello. -How are you this evening?

Mrs. Hovland, Miss Hovland, Miss Varick and Mr. Maxwell.

Won't you join us?

Well, l'll be going on for my number in just a minute.

Oh, well, you don't want to sit all by yourself

while she's up there singing.

-Come on. Sit down. -Come on, we might as well stay.

-Here. Are you enjoying yourselves? -Oh, wonderful time. Marvelous.

So you're the lucky girl who's playing Violet Jansen.

They certainly took a long time to find you.

l guess they just got tired of looking. They may be sorry before they're through.

Oh, not a chance. Her test was terrific.

-lt's really a foolproof part. -l'm glad to hear it.

-l'm not an actress, you know. -JEAN: Yes, l know.

But you may get away with it.

The movies can cover up the worst kind of acting.

Oh, l don't know.

l've seen some of your pictures, Miss Varick.

(JlMMY COUGHlNG)

Stop kicking me under the table.

-Anytime now, Miss Varick. -All right, Henry.

l'll see you later.

Nice going, Phoebe. Right on the button.

(BAND PLAYlNG MUSlC)

(SlNGlNG) There's nothing new beneath the sun

Except the new dance l've invented

And it's really lots of fun

Come on, now, take your place

And soon you'll get the knack

You don't stand face to face

You do it back to back

Dancing back to back

Takes you off the beaten track

You don't look at your partner at all when you dance back to back

That's that new attack

That the other dancers lack

You can see what goes on in the hall

When you dance back to back

Your partner won't see you

Make eyes at who's dancing by

Your partner won't mind it she's doing the same

That's why you must dance back to back

Let me place you in the pack

Cut the cards and l'll deal you a queen and a jack

Back to back

Take your partner on the floor and stand back to back

Hold your partner gently by the hand back to back

After you have done it you'll get hep to the knack

'Stead of steppin' front to front you step back to back

Everybody come and dance back to back

Takes you off the beaten track

You don't look at your partner at all

When you dance back to back

-Shall we give them a little competition? -We could try.

-Would madam care to swing it with me? -Madam would be honored to swing it.

Back to back

Your partner won't see you make eyes

At who's dancing by

Your partner won't mind it she's doin' the same

That's why you must dance back to back

Levity'll place you in the pack

Cut the cards and l'll leave you a queen and a jack

Back to back

After you have done it you'll get hep

To the knack

'Stead of steppin' front to front you step back to back

Everybody come and dance back to back

Takes you off the beaten track

What a thrill when you dance back to back

You dance

Let's dance back to back cut the cards

And l'll deal you a queen and a jack

Back, back, back to back

(ALL CHEERlNG)

Do you know where Mr. Maxwell's gone, Henry?

Oh, yes, Miss Varick. He told me to tell you

he had an early call in the morning and decided to leave.

And what about the rest of the party? Did they go with him?

Just Miss Hovland. The others left shortly after.

Oh, l see. Thank you.

(TELEPHONE RlNGlNG)

Hello. Yeah.

Yeah, sure. Who'd you think it was? What?

Yeah. Yeah, sure. l'll tell her. l'll tell her all about it tomorrow.

What?

Oh, no. Have a heart, will you? No, no, no, no.

Well, all right.

All right, all right, all right. l'll be right over, yeah, yeah. Goodbye.

(GROANlNG)

(TELEPHONE RlNGlNG)

Hello? Hello. Yes.

Yeah, l was just going out the door. Yeah, okay. Hello?

Well, where are you.

All right. l'll be right there.

Oh, what a life.

lt's not even living.

Why didn't anybody ever tell me?

(MUMBLlNG)

(GROANlNG)

(GROANS )

Telephone's ringing. People get you out of bed.

(MUMBLlNG)

(DOORBELL BUZZlNG)

-There he is. -Come in.

All right, Jimmy, tell her. Tell her everything. l won't open my mouth.

Let him tell you. Go on, Jimmy.

Come on. Out with it, and it better be good.

There's nothing to it. lt's all very simple.

Roger needs publicity. Needs it very badly, right? Right.

Now, l've tried all the routine press stuff, and what's it got me? Practically nothing.

Well, if Roger would've died tonight,

l couldn't get his name in the obituary column.

-That's a fine thing to say. -Shut up.

So l say to myself, who's the biggest thing in Hollywood today?

Trudi Hovland, right? Right.

Then it all comes to me like a flash. That's the angle.

All l've got to do is to get Roger to take her out a few times.

l build it up and make a big romance out of it and, wham !

Roger's beautiful pan is plastered all over the front page.

And, wham ! lt's plastered all over the floor. l don't like it.

You see, honey, it's not my idea. l'm as much against it as you are. More.

l'm not playing second fiddle to anybody. So, forget it.

(TUTTlNG)

Well, you're adopting a very selfish attitude.

Why, this man's career is at stake. His whole future.

lf you really loved him, you'd do anything to help him.

lf you really love him.

lf you'll keep your nose out of my business l'll appreciate it no end.

lt's no use, Jimmy, l won't do it.

That's final. l'm going to put my foot down.

Well, that's that, l guess.

Makes it kind of tough on me, though. Hits me at a bad time, too.

lf you're going into that routine about losing your job again, skip it.

Oh, yeah.

Now listen, Roger, l'm not asking you to do anything unreasonable.

You want me to send her notes every day

-and gifts and flowers, don't you? -Yeah.

Yeah, that's all l got to do is go around smelling flowers.

-Well, listen, l'm no Ferdinand. -No?

l tell you, l don't like the whole idea.

Supposing that l write the notes for you and send the gifts and flowers.

The company will pay for everything.

All you've got to do is to take her out now and then.

Phony romances are nothing new. lt's been done time and time again.

-Remember Tom Mix and his horse? -Well, l'm not Tom Mix.

And what are you afraid of?

You've met Trudi. You think she'd try to vamp Roger?

No. She isn't that kind.

l don't blame you for not wanting to trust a swell guy like Roger out of your sight,

but he's perfectly safe with Trudi, you can depend on that.

And he can still be seeing you on the sly.

lt'll only be for a little while. What do you say?

lt'll mean so much for his first picture.

You want him to stay here in Hollywood, don't you?

-Well... -Well, don't you?

-Yes. -Well, then...

All right, but if anything goes wrong, so help me, Jimmy, l'll murder you.

(SlGHlNG)

Would you like to enclose a card?

Yes. Send them over right away. l'll give you this note in a minute.

l thought you were going to the fights tonight.

No. l didn't feel much like it, all that noise and shouting.

Anyway, it's quieter here.

l should've brought my knitting.

(SlGHlNG)

Couple more drinks and you can have mine.

-What are you making anyway, Phoebe? -l don't know yet.

l started to make a doily, but it got away from me.

-Very nice, though. -Thank you.

lt's beautiful, isn't it?

-l say it's very pretty. -Oh, yeah.

Trudi calls it ''the Hollywood midnight sun.''

She thinks it reminds me of Norway.

Excuse me.

Take a lot of snow to remind me of Norway.

You know, Jimmy, that's one thing l'll never get used to.

Here it is winter, almost Christmas, and no snow. No snow.

-No snow. -No snow. Unnatural.

-What do you use for snowballs? -Champagne glasses.

-What? -l said champagne glasses.

Are you getting deaf or is the wine getting to you?

Oh, no. l thought you said that.

Yes, but l did say it, champagne glasses. Look.

-Not bad, eh? -Wonderful. Wonderful. Let me try.

(GLASS SHATTERlNG)

(JlMMY GRUNTlNG)

(GLASS SHATTERlNG)

Not bad. Not bad. Now listen to this one. This is going to be the one.

-Oh, yeah. -Listen carefully.

(GLASS SHATTERlNG)

Now beat that one.

(CLEARS THROAT)

This'll do it.

(GLASS TlNKLES )

-lt's a dud. -Well, you're just lucky, that's all.

Let...

-You've had all the glasses all evening. -Yeah, but you had the last one.

-Now, this is my turn. -You want them all.

A little drink here.

That's the last one.

Now, you see, it's all in the wind-up, you see.

-Yeah. Yeah. -Observe this very carefully. Ready?

-You're not watching. -Oh, yes.

All right, now watch.

Listen carefully.

(GLASS SHATTERlNG)

-You give up? -Me? l should say not. Step aside.

(CLEARS THROAT)

This is going to be much better. No, no! The other way.

This way. That's right.

(GRUNTS )

(BULB BURSTlNG)

What are you throwing, dynamite?

-All in the wind-up, Jimmy, my boy. -All in the wind-up?

-Well, let's get some more glasses. -Haven't any more.

-No more glasses? -No.

-Not even one to take a drink out of? -There isn't another glass in the house.

What are we gonna do? What's gonna happen to our game?

TRUDl: Where are you? Aunty?

Yes. On the patio, dear. Hello.

-Good evening. -Hello.

What in the world are you doing out there so late?

(STAMMERlNG) Well...

-Out here? Should we tell her? -Yes.

-We just finished the dishes. -Yes. The dishes. The dishes.

-The dishes? -Yes. He washes dishes beautifully.

l'm so glad to see you. Have you had a pleasant evening, children?

As usual we spent most of it posing for news cameramen.

Yes. They are an awful bother.

When those babies stop bothering you,

the eight ball's just around the corner, you know.

-l'm sorry. l'm afraid l've got to run along. -So soon?

Yes. You see, l've an early call at the studio tomorrow morning

and l'm afraid l've got to do a little work on the script tonight.

There now, you see,

that's a man who really loves his work and takes it seriously.

-He's certainly conscientious about it. -Absolutely. Digs right in.

Come on, Roger, l'm going. We'll go together.

-Good night, Trudi. -Good night.

-Good night, Mrs. Hovland. -Who me?

Oh, Jimmy. Good night.

He called me Mrs. Hovland. He's been calling me Phoeb all day.

Well, you're certainly letting me in for a lot of grief.

What're you squawking about? You're doing swell.

Here, take a look at these.

Some clippings l brought over tonight specially to show you.

Just look at those: stories, pictures, a million dollars worth of publicity.

Tomorrow morning, l think l'll send another box of roses with a little note.

l don't like this one. You should've told me my mouth was open.

Yeah, yeah. And then the day after that

l think a pair of love birds in a gilded cage and maybe a case of caviar.

Yeah, Phoebe likes caviar.

And by the way, next week you're throwing a big swimming party.

Swimming party? But l haven't any pool.

-Well, you will have. -Okay with me.

(GLASS BREAKlNG)

She lied to me.

Just relax. Hold it still. That's it.

Thanks. Thanks, Joe.

How about a picture, Mr. Whitesides?

Just a moment, old boy, till l take these glasses off.

Keep right on talking, buddy, don't mind me.

Miss Gloria, will you turn around?

Thanks. Go right ahead, and good luck.

Now where was l?

-Mr. Maxwell, will you hold it? -Excellent, Miss Hovland. This way, please.

-Miss Hovland! -Wait a minute.

Look at that. Boy, what did l tell you?

Publicity you couldn't buy for a million bucks.

l still don't like it.

(SlNGlNG) Winter is coming and soon

There will be frost on the moon

Snow will be falling and what am l going to do?

l'll need somebody to hold

Someone to hold when it's cold

Someone to love and l hope that that someone is you

The sun will shine in the summer

And l'll be fine in the summer

But then l've got to have you To cuddle up to

When winter comes

lt's nice and warm in the summer

l'll be in form in the summer

But then l've got to have you To cuddle up to

When winter comes

All summer l'll be playing out on a tennis court

But in the winter

Just like the groundhog l'll turn into an indoor sport

l'll pull an oar in the summer

And hug the shore in the summer

But then l've got to have you To cuddle up to

When winter comes

-lt is lovely here, isn't it? -Yes.

But l miss the cold and the snow.

l love snow.

Snow. That's an idea, isn't it?

(BAND PLAYlNG CHEERFULL MUSlC)

(SlNGlNG) l'll pull an oar in the summer

And hug the shore in the summer

But then l've got to have you To cuddle up to

When winter comes

(ALL APPLAUDlNG)

TRUDl: You can't make me stay here!

Let go of me. l'm going home. Do you hear?

-''A spirited wench.'' -Let me out!

''l couldn't let you face that wind, my dear. Listen to it.''

(MlMlCS WlND HOWLlNG)

l'm going, l tell you. Get out of my way or l'll kill you.

No.

-Get out of my way or l'll kill you! -Attaboy, kid. Let them have it.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

PHOEBE: Hello, Jimmy. TRUDl: Hello, Jimmy.

Hello, Trudi. Lovely fan mail you're getting here.

Yes. They're from Roger, as usual. He hasn't missed one day.

That's nothing. You should see some of those mushy little notes he writes up.

-Some of them actually rhyme. -Not poetry!

Yes, and very lovely poetry, too. l'm saving every word.

Must be the ham in him. Probably be singing under a balcony next.

-Learning tricks? -Yes. Learning all l can.

Who said all you have to do in the movies is stand in front of a camera?

Poor child. She's never worked so hard in her life.

Up at 6:00. Breakfast, 6:15.

Then rush to the studio. 7:00, makeup department,

then wardrobe fittings, publicity stills, then rush on the set,

rehearsing and shooting over and over again all day long.

Home at night. To rest? No, to study her lines for the next day.

Come on, Aunty, we're late.

Late? We've been late ever since we've been here.

-Goodbye, Jimmy. -Bye-bye.

-What, did you forget something? -Yes.

Good luck to you today.

Wouldn't hurt you to look in a mirror once in a while yourself.

Look at your hair, look at your tie.

You may be handsome if you took a little care of yourself.

(JlMMY WHlSTLlNG)

Yeah.

(SlNGlNG) l poured my heart into a song

And when you hear it please remember from the start

You won't be hearing just the words and tune of a song

You will be listening to my heart

(SCATTlNG)

l couldn't think of clever things to say in my song

And so l say it with my heart

lf it's...

(HUMMlNG)

-Well, what are you doing here? -What are you doing?

l'm writing a song.

-l didn't know you were a songwriter. -Listen, you gave me the job.

l've sent Trudi so many notes and roses and love birds that l'm almost daffy.

l ran out of ideas.

So l said, well, Roger's a singer.

Why not write a song and let him dedicate it to her?

At least it's a different angle.

''l Poured My Heart lnto A Song.''

Well, what's the matter, don't you like it?

-Too bad, Jimmy. -Go on, go on home.

What you doing snooping around here anyway this time at night?

l didn't ask for you. Go on. Beat it.

(ALL APPLAUDlNG)

Ladies and gentlemen,

we are greatly honored to have with us this evening Mr. Roger Maxwell,

who wrote this beautiful song which is sweeping the country.

l wonder if we could get Mr. Maxwell to come up and sing a chorus.

-Go on, sing it. -All right.

l'll sit right here.

(SlNGlNG) l poured my heart into a song

And when you hear it please remember from the start

You won't be hearing just the words and tune of a song

You will be listening to my heart

l poured my heart into a song

And l'm afraid the words l chose are not so smart

l couldn't think of clever things to say in my song

l had to say it with my heart

lf it's never played on the hit parade

lt will still contain a heart that is beating true

lf it's not a hit l won't mind a bit

Long as it conveys the love that l bear for you

Here is my heart wrapped in a song

And if you take it please don't tear my song apart

For if you do you won't be just destroying a song

You will be tearing up

My heart

Bravo! Bravo!

-Hello, Aunty. -Hello, dear.

-Hello, Jimmy. -Hello, Trudi.

-l thought you went to a movie. -l did.

l found him on the doorstep when l got back.

He's got something on his mind. l couldn't get it out of him.

Yes, l have, Trudi.

lt's something l probably should've told you some time ago.

What are you looking so glum about? What is it?

lt's about these stories, all this romance business.

l've read every word of them.

-l wonder if Roger reads them. -Roger? l don't know. Why?

l just can't understand him.

He keeps taking me out

and sending me those romantic little notes and flowers and gifts.

He's even dedicated a love song to me.

The whole world calls us sweethearts. The whole world says we're in love.

Except Roger.

He writes it and sings it to me, but he won't say it.

Why do you... Why do you want him to?

Because l love him.

Why, Trudi.

You never told me.

l wanted Roger to tell me first.

Well, he's just a big bashful boy. He'll get around to it.

Can't you give him a little hint?

TRUDl: l have, but he always looks at me sort of frightened and changes the subject.

Well, they all do that when they think they're getting hooked.

-Do they? -Yes.

Your uncle, rest his bones,

he didn't get over that frightened look for three years after we were married

and then...

That's funny. l wonder what's the matter with him.

Yes. Chief, Trudi finished her picture this morning.

Want me to wash up that phony romance with Roger?

CHlEF: l should say not. Keep it going. Build it up, and don't be so indefinite.

Trudi and Roger are in love as of 1 1.:00 this morning.

But, chief, it can't go on. lt's got to stop. We've got to do something.

Why? What's the matter? What's happened?

Only this, chief, we've got to stop it.

She's fallen for Roger. She's really in love with him.

What? You've exceeded your authority!

No marriages, do you hear? l absolutely forbid it!

What'll it do for publicity?

They'll be no marriage, just a beautiful romance!

l'll send you a memo.

(SlGHS )

Well, that's a fine mess l've cooked up.

(TELEPHONE RlNGlNG)

Hello? Yeah.

All right. Thanks. We'll try and get over.

They're throwing a party over on the set.

Whit, what am l going to do now?

l don't know.

You're the one that's playing God.

l don't care who they nominate.

l always vote the straight democratic ticket.

He's the greatest director l ever had.

And she's the most terrific little actress l ever directed.

Here's one of those colossal sandwiches.

You'll probably be in Trudi's next picture by popular demand.

We've been getting over 500 letters a day.

(SlNGlNG) l'm sorry for myself

So sorry for myself

Someone l love said goodbye

And no one's sorry for me that's why l'm so sorry for myself

La da da da la da da da la da da da la da da da

l'm blue as l can be

La de da da la da da da

My man walked out on me

La da dip day dip dip da do do

l'd go home and end it all But 14 stories is an awful fall

l'm so sorry for myself

Do wha bop bop do wha bop bop do wha bop bop do wha bop bop

l'm feeling mighty sad

Da beem dah bah bo da beem dah bah bo

l never looked so bad

Da beem dah bah bo da beem dah bah bo

l have lost my appetite

Couldn't eat my second steak last night l'm so

Bah-dah bah-dah

Sorry for myself

To do dah dah to do dop dah

Oh, heedee oh dah heedee oh dah heedee oh

So very blue am l, am l

l wish l could die

Die die, diedle oh die rit

Wish l had a nasty cough l'd buy a gun but then it might go off

l'm so sorry for myself

La de da da la da da da la de da da la da da da

l soon could end my woes

Down where the river flows

l would jump right in the sea but no one may be there to rescue me

Bah-dah

l'm so sorry

For myself

Thanks so much.

-Now how about you doing a number? -Why, yes. Be glad to.

-What shall l sing? -No, l mean both of you together.

Do something romantic. Aren't you America's great lovers?

Come on. Give us Romeo and Juliet, the big balcony scene.

l'm afraid l don't remember my Shakespeare well enough.

-Neither do l. -Oh, you can fake it.

Like you're faking all your other love scenes!

Now, Jean, be careful what you're saying. She's a card, always clowning.

lf you've got anything against me, l'd like to hear it.

Don't give me that innocent stuff.

l suppose you don't know that big romance of yours is all a phony,

cooked up by the studio to get Roger some publicity.

-l don't believe it. -Hello, everybody. Having fun?

Ask Jimmy. He's the little genius who thought up the whole thing.

The romance of the century, love made to order for the screeno fans.

Jimmy, it's not true, is it?

Well, no, not exactly. You see, l can explain everything.

-lt's this way... -Never mind.

Trudi. Now, listen, Trudi. l know this is an awful shock to you.

But in a way, it's a very good thing you found out.

Yes, a very good thing. Aunty, take me home.

(ALL MURMURlNG)

Trudi...

(SOBBlNG)

Now, darling, please don't take it so hard.

Roger isn't worth it. This whole business isn't worth it.

All right, baby. Have a good cry.

Get it all out of your system. You'll feel better.

(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

Yes?

What do you want? You've got your nerve coming here.

Just let me talk to Trudi a moment, please.

No, she doesn't want to hear another lying word out of you,

nor see that double-crossing face of yours again.

Now, get out of here. Go on.

Paper, lady? Extra, paper. Paper?

Paper, lady? Extra, paper. Paper?

Read all about it here. Trudi Hovland quits Hollywood.

Extra, paper. Read all...

Yes, ladies and gentlemen,

this is without a doubt the most glamorous press preview

in the history of motion pictures.

For tonight, all Hollywood will at long last be privileged to see

the screen version of that best seller of the decade, Girl of the North.

REPORTER: What a crowd.

The greatest aggregation of celebrities ever to be gathered under one roof.

-Hello, Jimmy. -Hello, Eve.

-Hello, Jimmy. -Hello, Tommy.

And now coming this way is the man who is really responsible

for this magnificent motion picture

and who is entitled to all the credit for its success.

MAN: (ON RADlO) Ladies and gentlemen, that is not quite true.

l am very proud of my own contribution to Girl of the North.

And l am very happy in the knowledge

that it will be one of the year's outstanding achievements.

But l would be much prouder and happier

if the one who is really responsible for its success

were here to receive the applause she so richly deserves.

l'm referring, of course, to Miss Trudi Hovland,

whose brilliant performance as Violet Jansen

places her in the top rank of Hollywood stars.

And if Trudi's listening in, l want her to know...

Let's go out for some air, Willie.

-lt's kind of stuffy in here. -Sure.

''Surefire hit. Smash proportions. Trudi Hovland superb.''

''One of the greatest pictures of this or any other season.

''Trudi Hovland's performance is an artistic triumph.''

WHlT: By golly, we couldn't get better notices than this

if we wrote them ourselves.

-What happened to you last night? -l had a cold.

Audience cheered for five minutes. Too bad Trudi wasn't there to hear it.

Yeah. Yeah.

Why don't you hop a plane? Bring her back.

Whose bright idea was that, the chief's? Let him do his own dirty work.

What's dirty about it, making her a star, giving her a career and a million bucks?

All right, all right. Forget it. l won't do it. l'll quit first.

By golly, that's what l like about you, Jimmy.

You're a fighter.

When you want something, you go in there punching until you get it.

-What are you talking about? -You know what l'm talking about.

-You're in love with that girl. -You're a liar!

Well, anyway, what business is it of yours?

Listen, you fathead. l'm giving you a chance to go to her,

talk to her and bring her back here.

-Lot of good that'd do. -All right, maybe it wouldn't.

l'll admit it's a long shot, but look at it this way.

lf it wasn't for that publicity stunt of yours

she'd be right here, wouldn't she, sitting on top of the world?

-Yes, l suppose so. -All right. Well, she belongs here.

She'll never be happy in that jerk town again.

Well, somebody's got to bring her back to her senses.

At least you owe her that much.

-Well, l... -Well, what do you say?

You can hop a plane and be there tonight. Reason with her.

Make her see what she's giving up.

Okay, okay, l'll do it.

Now you're talking!

(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

-CHlEF: Yes? -Okay, chief, he fell for it.

He's taking the afternoon plane.

Fine. l don't care if he chloroforms her, just so he brings her back.

Send me a memo.

(CHUCKLlNG)

-Just wait for me. -Yes, sir.

And better keep your engine running.

(DOORBELL BUZZlNG)

What are you snooping around here for? Go back where you came from.

Please, Phoebe, l've come 2,000 miles just to try to explain.

You might have saved yourself the trouble and stayed at home.

-Please. -Now, see here...

Listen to me just this once, and l'll never trouble you again.

l suppose it's worth it to be rid of you. Come in.

Well?

-ls Trudi here? -No, and l want you to leave her alone.

l can't, Phoebe. l'm in love with her.

What? You're in love with her?

You? See here.

ls this another one of your cute little tricks to get her back to Hollywood?

No. No, this is on the level.

l don't care whether she ever goes back to Hollywood or not.

l just want to tell her that l love her. l have loved her for a long time.

l wanted to tell her that night when l came to your house.

l wanted to clean up that whole mess about Roger,

but that was the night that she told me that she loved him

and then it was too late.

You believe me, don't you, Phoebe? You've gotta believe me.

l couldn't lie about a thing like that.

No, l don't think you could be that low.

Thanks, Phoebe. Where is she? Can l see her and talk to her?

Well, if you hurry, you'll find her down at the schoolhouse.

Thanks.

(SERENE lNSTRUMENTAL MUSlC PLAYlNG ON GRAMOPHONE)

(SERENE lNSTRUMENTAL MUSlC PLAYlNG ON GRAMOPHONE)

Trudi.

Who is it?

-Remember me, the bad penny? -What do you want?

-May l carry your skates? -You may leave me absolutely alone.

Trudi, please. Just give me a minute. l must talk to you.

Just give me a chance. Please.

l knew you'd be reasonable. You had me worried there for a moment.

But l don't blame you... Trudi!

-l'll be right back. -Shall l keep the engine running?

Yeah, l'm afraid so.

(DOORBELL RlNGlNG)

Come in. Come in.

Oh, it's you. l thought you'd gone back.

No, l thought l'd stay around till this morning,

maybe get another chance to talk to Trudi.

You've talked enough already. Too much. l'm sorry l ever listened to you.

-What's the matter now? -Plenty.

Take a look at this.

Silly little fool. She doesn't care two pins about Willie.

-You sure? -Of course l'm sure.

-How long ago did they leave? -About 20 minutes.

-How far is this Plainville? -Sixty miles across the state line.

Come on. What are we waiting for?

-ls this your coat? Here. Put it on. -Yes.

Twenty minutes? Let's go. Hurry up.

Get in.

-Plainville, and step on it! -Okay.

l just can't understand it, Trudi.

For three years you've been putting me off.

And all of a sudden here we are eloping.

What made you change your mind?

What did you say?

Come on. Come on. Can't you go any faster? Faster.

Yeah. What'll you do if we get pinched for speed?

-l'll give you a $10 bonus. -Yeah?

Never mind you're breaking my neck, young man.

How're you gonna stop them if we do get there in time?

l haven't the faintest idea.

Yes, sir. Soon as l get that north 40 acres cleared and planted,

we can take us a quick honeymoon to the world's fair.

Willie, l wonder if we aren't being a little too hasty about this.

What do you mean?

-Well... -l guess l better hurry

before you change your mind.

(POLlCE SlREN WAlLlNG)

-Shucks. Guess they mean us. -Yes.

-Going to a fire? -No, a wedding.

-Oh, a wise guy? -Don't we get arrested?

Trudi, isn't it bad enough we're getting a ticket?

What's the matter, lady? Ain't you satisfied?

No. lf we want to go 90 miles an hour, it's our own business.

-What? Quiet. -Please, officer.

She's all excited. She doesn't know what she's saying.

You see, we're on our way to get married, and you know how it is.

Sure. l know how it is. l thought you were trying to kid me.

-Oh, no. We're really getting married. -ls that right, miss?

Yes. We're getting married.

Okay, buddy, go ahead and good luck.

-You'll need it. -Thanks, Officer.

They're going to get hitched.

Come on, come on, driver. Hurry up.

Another wedding, l suppose. Come on, let's get them.

(POLlCE SlREN WAlLlNG)

Oh, boy, you asked for it. Ten bucks.

-Going to a fire? -No. No, Officer. We're going to a wedding.

Not mine, Officer. You needn't stare.

Now, listen, l don't fall for that story more than once a day.

Show me your license.

-We're almost there now. -That's good.

MAN: Take it away!

Come on, come on, come on. Go. Go.

-l could make better time on a bicycle. -Be more comfortable.

This thing rides like a pogo stick.

Gosh, what next?

-What happened to you... -What did you do?

Busted the cable. Told the boss yesterday it would happen.

He wouldn't believe me. That's a good joke on him, all right.

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

-Hey, what is this? -See the boys.

Hey! Hey, you can't block this road!

That's just what l told the boss yesterday.

First l says, ''That cable's going to bust any day now,''

and he says...

-You got a match? -No.

-Which is the shortest road to Plainville? -This here is.

But l can't get through. lt's blocked!

l can hear you. You don't have to holler.

-But is there another road to Plainville? -Well, let's see now.

Go back about four miles till you get to Jim Larkin's house.

Jim Larkin? But l don't know Jim Larkin!

-But Jim don't live there anymore. -No? When did he move?

Since the little fella was born six months ago.

-Where does he live now? -Where did that feller go?

''Marriage is a mutual and voluntary contract

''properly based on mutual regard and affection.

''By virtue of the power and authority vested in me

''and in accordance with the statutes of this sovereign State,

''l do pronounce, declare and proclaim you to be husband and wife.''

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold everything. Am l too late?

No. You're just in time.

To congratulate us.

You mean you're Mrs. Hogger?

-Yes. -Till death do us part.

Well, we didn't miss it by much.

Darling. l hope you'll be very happy.

Thank you, Aunty. l'm sorry l had to run away.

That's all right. lt's much more exciting this way.

Willie, congratulations. You take care of her.

Thank you, Aunt Phoebe. You can depend on me.

Jimmy? Aren't you going to congratulate them?

Surely. Congratulations, Willie. Mind if l kiss the bride?

-Well... -Good. Hold this a minute for me, will you?

-Many happy returns, Trudi. -Thanks.

Hey, what's going on here? This ain't a wedding, is it?

That's right, Alex. l just done it.

Sorry, folks. You'll have to do it all over again.

-Why? -TRUDl: All over again?

Why, don't you remember?

Your commission expired yesterday, Harvey.

l'm the Justice of the Peace as of this morning.

Gosh. l plumb forgot. This is the first of the month.

You mean, there's no marriage?

Don't worry, folks. lt won't cost you an extra nickel.

l'll take care of you. Now, if you don't mind, we'll start over.

-Good. -Hey, wait a minute. Not with him.

-Who's getting hitched here anyway? -We two.

-Now, wait just a minute. Trudi, one word. -Wait a minute. Where's he taking her?

-Now, listen to me. -Let me go.

l won't. Not until you listen to me.

-All right. l'm listening. -All right, l love... l love you.

What're you talking about? You're up to something.

l've always loved you. l've told you so a hundred times.

-That's not true. -lt is true.

Every note, every letter, every little message

that you received from Roger was mine. l wrote them.

And in-between each line l said l loved you.

And every gift that you received, l sent.

Even that song. l poured my heart into that song for you.

-l can't believe it. -But it's true.

Every word of it. l swear it's true.

-Well, what are you going to do about it? -l don't know. l'm all confused.

You don't love Willie. You know you don't. And you didn't love Roger, either.

You love the man that wrote those notes, and those rhymes and that song!

You love me. Am l right?

You can talk a person into more trouble.

And l had to send her picture to Hollywood.

-Do me a favor, will you, Aunt Phoebe? -l'd be glad to.

(GROANS )