Original subtitles

Tyrannis: So you say the wolves around here

are really that big?

Harpy: Oh, the biggest,

big as, like, 3 normal wolves.

Tyrannis: And I can kill one with this sideways bow?

There! I see one!

Holy moly, he's big. [Wolf snarling]

Will I be able to carry it? It's very important

that I carry it on my shoulders as I enter town.

[Wolf roars]

Come on! He's getting away!

Harpy: We should not cross the border

into the northern world.

Tyrannis: I'm sure it's fine.

Let's get this bastard.

Harpy: Careful. That tree is sacred.

How sacred would you say?

[Theme music playing]

[Singers chanting]

Singers: Whoo!

Tyrannis: The Norse gods are coming here?

Why? What's that about?

Does anyone know what it might be about?

Deliria: Someone broke their sacred tree

using an arrow tipped with Olympian steel.

Tyrannis: Wow, I wouldn't have even thought they have trees.

How sacred is this one exactly?

Deliria: It connects Valhalla and Hel.

They have two places you go when you die,

depending on whether you're "good" or "bad."

It's way too confusing. I mean, you're dead.

How good can you be?

Stupendous: But why do we have to be here?

Aw, crap! Are we food? Deliria: No,

the Norse gods get pissy if there isn't a huge crowd.

[Thunderclap]

[Majestic music playing]

Jormungandr: Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you,

coming today from Asgard, the greatest city in the universe...

Deliria: Wrong. Jormungandr: the gods

of the northern world!

First to be introduced, the father of all the gods,

protector of heroes who join him

when they die. Stupendous: If they're dead,

he didn't protect them much, did he?

Jormungandr: Please welcome the great Odin.

Next to introduce, the goddess of the dead.

She's "hella" powerful. This is a funny joke

because her name is Hela!

Also next, look out, he's gonna trick ya.

Please welcome the trickster god,

who is named Loki!

Ha ha ha ha! Tyrannis: That's his thing?

He does tricks? Stupendous: Lame.

Do these guys even have a war god?

Jormungandr: Also next, the god of thunder.

Please welcome...

[Thunderclap] Thor!

Stupendous: Whoa! Tyrannis: Stupe, are you OK?

Stupendous: I think I just got in touch with my straight side.

-Over here! -Look upon our fair breasts!

Thor: Your chests are nearly as beautiful

as my own. Woman: Score!

Tyrannis: So, hypothetically, if this meeting doesn't

go well, what happens?

Deliria: War between Asgard and Olympus.

Tyrannis: And is that more of a you problem

or an us problem? Deliria: Well, the war would

go on forever, and mortals would be the first to die.

So if I were you, I'd mingle my ass off.

Tyrannis: Copy that.

Loki: Do you see this little flower,

or is it a big flower?

And where are your sandals?

[People murmur]

-You're not impressed? -Oh, no, it was good.

A good little trick you did there.

Loki: My tricks are not little. I represent chaos.

-Got it, yeah. -For example,

you and I are talking right now, yes?

-That we are. -And you say hello

and expect me to say hello. Tyrannis: Sure.

But instead, I hand you a snake. [Snake hissing]

I am Loki!

Tyrannis: I'm sorry. I'm having a hard time making

that one feel appreciated.

What? What are we looking at so intensely?

Thor: So, what are you the goddess of?

Stupendous: Me? I'm not the goddess of anything.

-Could have fooled me. -[Giggles]

I don't know what that was. Hee hee hee!

I mean, grrr! I'm a soldier.

Tyrannis: Wow, that looks like it went well.

Stupendous: Oh, yeah, I'm into this guy, and when Stupe aims

to hit something, Stupe don't miss.

The Stuper the berry, the Stuper the fruit.

You feel me? Deliria: Thor?

I wouldn't if I were you. Been there, done that.

He and I had a thing back in the day.

I mean, if you're into sloppy seconds, have at it.

Tyrannis: Mother, what the hell was that?

Deliria: What? I'm offering advice to my daughter.

Tyrannis: No, you're sex-blocking her.

We need a better word for that.

Deliria: It's for her own good.

A mother looks after her daughter in these matters.

Tyrannis: So you genital-preventing

your own daughter had nothing to do with jealousy?

-Jealousy? -You watched him flirt

with her, and I watched you watching.

Deliria: So we both like watching things.

Look at us and our kinks.

If anything, he was trying to make me jealous.

That's exactly the kind of mind game I want to protect her from.

-Hello, Thor. -Oh, hi.

Hippocampus: I can't believe Ty and Stupe got invited

to that thing just 'cause they're "demi-gods."

I mean, they were born with legs.

Isn't that enough? Shlub: Screw that party.

We'll have fun together. We should go and have a drink.

Hippocampus: Eh, maybe.

I might just blow up some stuff and call it a night.

Shlub: Oh, look, the Norse gods brought trolls with them.

Hippocampus: Those are trolls? Those guys are evil.

And I heard if you get one to bleed,

their blood turns to gold.

We should mess him up. We should drain him.

Shlub: You would kill someone for money just like that?

Hippocampus: A troll? Hell yeah. The world would thank us.

Shlub: That sounds way too self-satisfied.

Hippocampus: Self-satisfied?

Are we not talking about trolls here?

Is this how I find out my dad loves trolls?

They eat children! Shlub: You don't get it because

you don't drink with people. Hippocampus: You're going

to highroad me for not being a drunk now?

Shlub: It's a vibe, and one you'd do well

to spend some time in. Hippocampus: Spend some time?

Who the hell else do you drink with?

Shlub: I've had drinks with ogres, with krakens.

There's a monster in Africa that's just a horse

with a long neck, and I've had drinks with those guys.

Hippocampus: You're talking about giraffes?

Giraffes are peaceful. -They're absolute monsters.

Their master plan starts with convincing you fellows

they're just animals, but trust me.

They'll grow whatever it takes to eat everything.

-OK, fine! -And yet, and yet!

I've sat down and had a drink

with one, and we found common ground.

Hippocampus: So you're telling me if I sit down and drink

with a fricking troll, I'll come away from that

not thinking he's a complete piece of crap?

Shlub: Why don't we find out?

Excuse me, my friend and I were

just talking about how much we hate bridge trespassers.

Troll: Oh, don't get me started! I mean, hello!

A bridge is not just some friggin' pile of rocks

for you to walk over. It's someone's home!

Deliria: Thor, old friend.

Thor: Oh, hello.

Would you like me to look upon your breasts now?

-Darling, it's me. -Have we met?

Deliria: You can stop the charade now.

I dumped you, and I'm sorry if you can't get over it.

Thor: I'm so sorry. I really have no recollection.

You are saying you and me, we...

-You are joking. -I'm very bad at joking.

I do know one joke, though. A man has accidentally

eaten the feces of his teacher.

It's funny because in our language, the word

for teacher, man, feces, eaten, and accidentally

all sound almost identical!

Deliria: We had sex for hundreds of years!

You called me Spanky Tush! I called you Mr. Lollipop!

Thor: This does not ring a bell, or as we say,

"gut a fish."

Deliria: Pretending he doesn't remember me?

Can you believe the lies this guy tells?

Tyrannis: Well, maybe he actually doesn't remember you.

Deliria: Oh, he remembers me, and he'll do the same thing

to her, and she won't be able to handle it.

Tyrannis: Oh, right, this is something you can handle,

which is why you're so angry. -Don't change the subject!

This is about Stupendous, and he does not get

to do this to me-- I mean, her.

That meant nothing. I mix up my words sometimes,

like "horse" and "fish." I did that once.

Tyrannis: Mother, you are flailing right now,

and I'm not judging. I know exactly what you're feeling.

You're feeling weak, irrelevant, like everyone knows

you wet the bed, as a random hypothetical,

and the minute you demand they stop thinking you wet beds--

again hypothetically, you've put yourself in a spiral

that ends with you walking around with your sheets,

making everyone smell them to confirm there's no urine.

Which is pathetic, or would be if anyone had ever done it.

Deliria: What are you saying, besides you wet beds?

Tyrannis: The minute you start penis-deflecting

your own daughter, you're headed into trouble.

Deliria: Not if I'm headed into awesome.

Horse exit!

See?

Athena: Hela, fair warning.

I will have your brother tonight.

-Not if I get there first. -Uh, I have wings on my feet.

I get everywhere first. Hela: It looks like you may be

too late, as my brother has already chosen a bed partner.

Thor: I'm so curious about you,

like, what's your deepest fear? Tell me.

Stupendous: Pretty much a tie between nothing and nobody.

What's yours? Thor: Mine is that I will fall

onto an upturned chair and be penetrated by one of its legs.

-Yeah, that would haunt me. -But my biggest fear

is I'm afraid of not kissing you.

Deliria: Oh, hello there.

I brought drinks for the lovebirds.

-Mom. -There are some who say gods

should only be with gods, but you're not afraid

to date beneath you. Love wins.

-Mom. -I'm excited by how strong

your daughter is. Deliria: For a mortal, sure.

She was strong even as a baby. You would have been

several million years old by then.

Does that trouble you,

the almost incalculable age difference?

Tyrannis: Mom, isn't there a city you could be blowing up?

Or look, this servant spilled a drink on you.

-No, I didn't. -Seems like a problem

that demands all of your attention right now.

Doesn't she deserve to be a goat?

I know I'd love to see it. Deliria: I'm fine, Ty.

-You're not, Mother. -I hear you're looking

to couple up. I have every set of genitals,

and they are fresh. Deliria: Get off me, worm.

[Goat bleats]

Troll: So then this mermaid goes,

"Well, you're my first troll,

so I guess we're both new at this."

[All laugh]

Troll: But I didn't love her, which is why I had to

toss her back. I knew I couldn't give her what she needed.

Shlub: Sounds like you did the honorable thing.

Hippocampus: Yup, yup, so lemme ask you something, Grarg,

speaking of love, and I see you're a real romantic...

Grarg: That I am. That I am.

Hippocampus: Would you say that maybe not all people

should be loved the same amount automatically?

Grarg: Now you're talking my language.

Hippocampus: Interesting. So what do you think about

this concept of some people being better than others?

-Are we cool? -Well, I mean,

don't say anything you wouldn't say among friends.

Grarg: Well, it sounds like you guys are talking about...

mothers.

-Wait. Mothers? -Mothers deserve

to be lifted above everyone.

They give us life, they nourish us,

and what do we do in return? We take 'em for granted.

They should be cherished, every last one of them.

Shlub: Absolutely. And I'm not even winking.

Grarg: If I could have my mom back for one day,

you know what I would do?

Anything she wanted.

Hippocampus: To mothers! Odin: To Olympus!

I see friendships forming. Love blossoming.

My boy Thor's made a new friend, looks like.

And mutual respect between our two god-doms!

-Hear, hear! -And even though you guys really

borked our Yggdrasil Tree, which is, like, the single

most sacred--but whatever. I'm past it, I'm past it.

You guys are cool, we're cool, I'm cool.

Anyway, Skol! All: Skol!

Tyrannis: Hey, come on, Mom. Let this one go.

War's been averted, they're letting go

of all the tree silliness, and look how happy Stupe is.

They're clearly hitting it off. Stupe: Ha ha ha ha!

Wait, the feces came from his teacher?

That is hilarious!

-She's making a huge mistake. -What if she's not?

For that matter, what if she is?

It doesn't take away from you at all.

You're still hot, and I don't need anyone

unpacking that. It's an objective compliment.

Deliria: This isn't about me. I need to prove

he remembers having sex with me.

Tyrannis: That sounds like it's very much about you.

Loki: There you are. Tell me, Mr. King,

do you like snakes? Tyrannis: No,

we already established I don't.

Loki: Then why are you drinking one?

Tyrannis: Aah! [Chuckles]

That's very clever, but we're having a discussion here.

Loki: What discussion can be more important

than your missing sandals? Where could they be?

Inside of this snake?

Tyrannis: It's fun. It's very fun stuff.

You do a lot with snakes and sandals, I see,

but my mother and I are talking about a family matter.

Loki: Yes, I've heard. You have been spurned

by a lover. Tyrannis: It's fine. She's fine.

Loki: One time, my lover chose another man.

Then do you know what I did? I made myself look exactly

like this other man and made love to her as him.

[Chuckles]

The look on her face when I revealed myself.

It was delicious revenge!

Tyrannis: To get your girlfriend to have sex with you, thinking

you were someone better? Am I missing something cultural?

Loki: It was chaotic power!

She will never forget what I did to her that day!

Tyrannis: And this was a burn on her, not you?

-I'm going to get more snakes. -There is something

to what he's saying. Tyrannis: Are you kidding?

You want to turn yourself into Stupendous

and have sex with Thor? Deliria: Of course not,

but if Thor thinks I'm Stupendous,

he'll tell her things he refuses to tell me.

Namely that he remembers.

Tyrannis: I will not let you do this. It is petty,

embarrassing, and messed-up. And there's consent issues.

Deliria: As petty, embarrassing, and messed-up

as breaking a tree and pretending you didn't?

Tyrannis: Wait. You knew? Why haven't you told anyone?

Deliria: Because we are a family, and families

let each other do petty, embarrassing,

and messed-up things if they want.

Tyrannis: Aren't families supposed to save each other

from themselves? Deliria: I don't have

the slightest idea what families do.

-But you just said that-- -Let me put it this way:

You out me, I out you.

So, unless you have more integrity than me,

I have a trick to play.

All: ♪ Well, he reached for the door ♪

♪ And his willy hit the floor ♪

♪ And that's why they call him Johnson! ♪

Grarg: You know what I never thought about?

So that song presupposes a world

where the nickname Johnson exists before the guy with the--

Hippocampus: Oh, my God! I'm a super-genius,

and I never even thought of that!

Grarg: That's why you can only sing it when you're wasted.

Shlub: He's funny! You see that?

Funny, thoughtful, a man full of surprises.

Hippocampus: That he is. [All laugh]

Grarg: I know I'm just drinking to escape.

You wanna know my darkest secret?

Shlub: Sounds very vulnerable.

Hippocampus: And yet dark. Grarg: I'm in love

with my best friend's girlfriend.

Shlub: The mermaid? Grarg: No!

Connie was just a distraction.

Her name is Grelda, but she's never gonna leave Grunk.

Is this gonna be enough food?

All: ♪ Malog mog mog, den malog grog grog ♪

♪ Den malog mog grog grog penis!

Shlub: And when all is said and done, we are

just guys, singing about our parts.

Hippocampus: You know what, Grarg? Grarg.

Grarg, come in close. I'm glad I got to know you.

Grarg: Same, but now I gotta drain you.

Hippocampus: What?

Deliria as Stupe: Hey, I got some of this yeasty swill,

which I love, because I'm Stupe!

[Gulps, belches]

I love how much gas is in it.

Thor: This reminds me of another joke.

A milkmaid goes to fetch some water,

and her cow lifts her skirt with its flatulence.

This is funny because once again--

Deliria as Stupe: Hilarious. I'm Stupe.

I talk plain. Ha ha! Butts.

So I have a question. You and my mom, you were

just messing with her, right? You and her had a thing

that you remember, right? Tyrannis: Mother, I thought

about it, and I cannot let you do this.

Thor: You are mistaking your sister for your mother,

which is very amusing because--

Deliria as Stupe: Ty, don't get in the way here.

I'm Stupe, and Thor was just about

to tell me something about our mother.

Tyrannis: Don't listen to her. She's my dumb mother,

about to do a very dumb thing.

Deliria: What did we say about keeping quiet?

Thor: Stop! Stop this! Both: Stay out of this!

Thor: Oof! Aah! [Deliria and Tyrannis groan]

Stupendous: Hey, I got us some

of that swill I like-- What the hell!

Tyrannis: Wait, so Norse gods can die?

You're telling me that the canonical real story

of the beloved god Thor is now that he died at a party

on Mt. Olympus when the goddess Deliria shoved him and he got

fatally penetrated by a chair? Deliria: Yes.

Stupendous: What the hell were you thinking?!

Deliria: I wasn't thinking. Aah! What is this feeling?

There's a feeling in my stomach.

-Is it like a pit? -Yes,

like a pit of bad. A badness in my stomach.

-Yes, that's called shame. -Which you should be feeling!

Tyrannis: I warned you about it, but the more pressing issue is

the probable end of humanity.

Oh, let me see if I can fix this.

Is--is there a way we can make this look heroic?

Ah, OK, OK. He's not impaled on a chair.

He was stabbed. That's a little better.

Hey, he--he fought valiantly... [Grunting]

against...

a mouse.

No, a giant mouse, who,

after killing Thor, was cursed forever to be small.

They're never gonna buy this, are they?

Odin: My brave son did everything he could,

but the giant mouse proved too powerful.

We're told he fought bravely, but alas,

this was the giant mouse's day.

Tyrannis: I knew we'd pull this off. The peace holds,

and they've got themselves a great little story.

Maybe sometimes a price doesn't have to be paid.

Deliria: Aah!

Odin: Such is the legacy of Thor,

God of Thunder,

killed by a giant mouse.

Deliria: Aah!

Very sorry.

Odin: That's actually kind of cool.

Deliria: Aah!

It's this thing in my stomach.

I get a little relief when I scream fire,

but it just comes right back.

Wah! Tyrannis: God, I'm telling you,

that is shame. You did something shameful.

Deliria: Fine, let's call it shame.

I just need to get rid of it. Should I set fire

to more things? Whoa! Tyrannis: It won't work,

Trust me. I'm no stranger to it.

I'm carrying a fair amount of shame at all times.

-So help me get rid of it. -As far as I know,

there's only one way that's even halfway reliable.

Face your daughter. -Am I spitting fire on her?

Stupendous: I'll just deflect it.

We can do this all day.

Tyrannis: No, you're not spitting fire on her.

Just say the words "I'm sorry."

-Do I have to mean them? -Start by saying them.

Deliria: I'm sorry.

Oh, that does feel slightly better.

Stupendous: Maybe try meaning it.

Deliria: I'm sorry...

that I can't mean it any more than this,

but I am willing to say it. I'm sorry.

Stupendous: It's a start. Tyrannis: And now, I'm afraid

both of us have to come clean with those guys.

Deliria: My son and I have an announcement.

Grunk: Let's drain the fish first.

Hippocampus: Drain me? Why?

Grunk: The word under the bridge is your blood gets us high.

Hippocampus: You don't even know?

You're draining me on spec?!

Shlub: You people are terrible.

Grarg: Yeah. We're trolls.

Hippocampus: Dad, now you're saying they're bad?

Shlub: Yes, because he didn't play fair.

Hippocampus: Oh, hilarious! You hear that, Grarg?

You didn't play by the rules of getting wasted!

Shlub: Grarg, friend, come on, please.

You felt something. We sang fun songs.

Hippocampus: Grarg, Grarg, come on, find it, find it, man!

Shlub: I said giraffes are the worst.

You agreed. Grarg: They are.

Hippocampus: You cried on my shoulder.

The thing with that girl, your best friend's wife.

What's her name? Grelda! Grunk: Grelda?

You slept with Grarg?

Grarg: She loves me more! [Grunting]

Grunk: You bastard! Grelda: Don't hurt him!

Shlub: This is probably our best chance.

Hippocampus: Yep. [Punches landing, trolls grunt]

[Both panting]

Hippocampus: Wow! That was freaky.

Shlub, chuckling: Nice memory!

Hippocampus: You know what, Dad? We should drink more often.

Shlub: Yes, that's my fishy boy!

Tyrannis: I really appreciate you giving us the chance

to make things right. Deliria: And I'm sorry

I killed your son. Loki: It was the ultimate trick.

Deliria: No, it wasn't. It was shameful.

and tricks are stupid.

Odin: Thank you for repairing our tree,

and to be honest, I never quite clicked with Thor,

so, yeah, this matter is closed.

Thor should be up there now if you want to see him.

Stupendous: You don't have to ask me twice.

Tyrannis: So, he is immortal?

Odin: No, he's dead, but you can go up and he can come down.

Tyrannis: You've got a very flexible ontology here.

Odin: Wait. It's been bothering me all night.

You look familiar. Spanky Tush?

Deliria: Mr. Lollipop? Odin: Yes!

It was us who had sex!

I disguised myself as my son Thor

because I saw you were attracted to him, which made me jealous.

Deliria: Oh, that makes so much more sense!

I told you no one would have forgotten me.

Tyrannis: Yes, Mother, no one would have forgotten you,

but somehow, I forgot that all gods are sociopaths.

Odin: This reminds me of a joke.

Deliria: We don't need to hear it.

Tyrannis: Well, love is in the air. Anyone up for--

Ladies: We're busy. Tyrannis: OK, copy that.

Odin: A toast!

To my brave son Thor, who is

canonically dead now. All: Skol!

Odin: All in all, it was a good trip.

Hela, I hear you hooked up with Apollo.

Hela: He was baby soft.

Odin: And, Loki, amazing work down there.

You did some of your best stuff. Heh heh heh! Did you guys see

when that one guy's drink turned into snakes?

And then his whole chair turned into snakes!

[Laughter] Odin: So many snakes!

Tyrannis: That's his thing? He does tricks?

No, it's good, a good little trick you did there.

I'm just trying to get my head around it.

[Laughter continues]

Loki: My next trick will be Ragnarok!

The sky darkening, monsters from all corners

of the earth converging on Asgard, all the gods dying,

and the sun and stars falling into the sea!

[Silence, one man coughing]

Hela: Does anyone want more fish?

Man: Did you get any of that?

Woman: Bento. [All cheer]

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