Original subtitles

These two men are twin brothers. The

older one's called Shao Fu. He's an

expert at kung fu, but he's better known

as a robber. The younger one's called

Shao Fu. He's more intelligent, but he's

lazy. To improve his kung fu, Shao Fu

sent his younger brother to study the art

At the Sharlinwald.

Ohh

Yes, sir.

Who come?Who gent?

You're not fighting a war!

Brother!

Brother, go easy on me. The Abbot's dozed

off. Who said so?Carry on.

Ohh Stop fighting!

Joe, where are you going?

Teacher, I...

I've got to go. Come here.

Master?Joe?You

can show us how much you've learned.

Dieter... I've gotta go.

I... I can't hold it.

You have to learn to hold it. Who come?

You can fight with Xiaohu. Sir.

Brother?Brother, you can begin.

Brother, I'm afraid I might hurt you.

What's that?

Hey, hey, brother!

Brother, you must take it easy. Forgive

you?

Brother, you're serious.

Ohh You're

trying to kill me. We're just practicing.

Well, I won't make any more jokes, Lift

Car. Right, here we go.

Ohh

How about that?

Brother, I'm sorry. Hold it!

Come here. Now

roll up your sleeves.

Uh, teacher, I can't wait. I gotta

go. I said roll his sleeves!

Oh, you were cheating.

You are wasting our time, by using all

these tricks. Uh, teacher, I must rely on

my wits, 'cause I'm not strong enough to

fight. You young puppy! How dare you

cheat! You've been punished! Ah I,

I, I..

What's wrong with you?Uh, I, I can't,

I, I can't...

You goddamn little bird. I'll teach

you.

Yo-ho! You've pulled hard labor, so why

is your working?Good, brother, I'm

practicing my jumping kung fu. What's

that?Kung fu?

That's right, I'm practicing jumping. And

if I jump across the river, I'll jump

right out of here. Across the river?

Really?I'll teach you how to cross the

river. No,

brother. Ohh No,

brother. You can't do

this.

Master, I have been with you here for

three years now, but I'm learning nothing

because I'm such a fool.

Keep talking. I'm

always upsetting everyone.

I never follow the instructions and

so... You want out?Master,

I'm sorry. I don't want to go.

You realize that if you

do leave here, you will be

on your own. I can fend

for myself. I'll be all right. Please

forgive me. You're not

suited to our life,So I

suppose you are free to leave,

provided you can pass the wooden man. I'd

like to have a try.

Hmm

I got nothing.

Master, I'm gonna leave now. All

right. Brothers,

be seeing you.

Master, I think we'd better go inside and

check. Hmm

The little brat, he's cheating again.

I'll teach him to play tricks on me. Oh

come, you bring him back to me here. A

brat, a rascal. Hmm

Someone help!

Help me,

help!

Let's split it up.

Lit it?All right.

Ohh

Want some more?

Xiao Hu, no.

Whoop, whoop. Jiaofu, you're a

pretty clever guy. Since when did you

dress up as a monk?Booters may be

praised. Looks like trouble.

Gentlemen, can I help?What's the matter?

We know that it was you that pulled that

job. You must have got a

fortune. And we're in a position to

make things tough for you. Understand?So

what will you do?I don't know what you're

talking about. Really, I don't. Come off

it. We all know you murdered that

official and stole that jewelry box

from him. And now you want it

all. Now look here, friend. You've

got the wrong guy. HuhWe're all hands at

this game. We know you've got the loot.

Well, that's what I asked. Mr. Char Fu,

why don't you come clean with us?

Otherwise, get him! Hold it,

hold it. Just think what you're doing.

You can see I got nothing on me. I'm just

a poor monk. A monk that kills and

steals. We win our share of the loot.

Your share?Brother.

But how can you share nothing?

Very well. You tell us where it is. We'll

give you your share, and then you can go

free. Umm

All right. Since there's nothing else I

can do, I'll have to take you there. Come

on. One, two,

three, four, turn.

One, two, three,

four, turn.

One,Two. Three.

Four.

Uh.. Uh.. Uh, my friend, it's right over

there! Not a need for it, everybody! Take

it off! Great

leg! Uh, my friend!

What is it?What is it?It's not there.

You and you and I will share.

I buried it under this tree.

Faster, let's dig. Right.

Huh

Hold it. What do you want?

You're a damn cheat. I'll teach you to

lie to me. What are you talking about?Get

lost. I don't think that disguise is

gonna help you. Get him! Ohh

I'll

let you go this time, but next time I'll

kill you, do you understand?

Well, master, what will you order?We've

got lovely, fresh vegetables. The

cheapest you've got.

HuhCheapest?Why not starve yourself then?

What are you gambling about?Oh, nothing,

nothing nothingWaiter.

Bring some wine.

It's hot. Waiter.

Waiter. Waiter. Where's my wine?

Oh, what are you shouting for?I do have

other people to serve, you know,

including me. Waiter. Where's my food?

Hurry up. Move it, will you?I'm coming.

Phil, look where that photo's been,

huhOh, what are you talking

about?

Your kung-fu's good. Do

you mind telling me your name?I'm called

Mo Sue, and I'm well known around these

parts. OhSo

what?I want you to see Master Chow.

Master Chow?Why should I?He's got a

job for you, and it's well paid. How

much?He's a very generous man. Oh,

then what are we waiting for?Let's go

right now.

Well, gentlemen, be your help.

Now, let's eat. Come on.

HmmWhen the bandits come back,

I'd like to watch you. Oh,

me?What are you?What are you talking

about?Naturally, we wouldn't ask you to

kill all of them, but we realize these

kind of men are easy meat for you. Hold

it, hold it. You've got it. I'm gone.

You can't go. You know, hold on.

You'd better not leave, because if you

do, you'll not get the girl, and she's

beautiful and rich. Hmm

Really?Come

on.

McLachlan, if I go, you'll try to fight

them yourself. But that means I'll have

to fight them first. If you get yourself

killed, you can rely upon me to tell your

son when he grows up to take revenge.

That's no use. I don't have a son. Open

up. Do you hear me?

What are we going to do?I don't know.

What are we going to do?Uh, never mind.

Let's go and meet them. Hermes, don't you

worry. You just leave him to us. We'll

soon send it back and you'll see. You

go first. Open up the door and tell and

shuffle it. All right, I'll do it, but

don't let me down now. Of course not.

I'll be right behind you. Open up the

door. Go on. Hurry up, off you go. Ah,

Mr. Chow, let's have another drink.

Cheers. Come

on! Ohh

Hey! As in for the

police, you'd better leave here. Thecops.

They're not going to be coming here.

Mr. Shum, I think you better go and see

what you can do.

All right, I'll go.

Hurry up!

Help me!

Help me!

ohh

Help me to killing me. What are

you doing to me?

Oh, what are you doing to me, man?

It's so cool! It's so

cool! You

better get

out

now! You saved my life. How can I

thank you?I don't really. It was nothing.

Don't mention it. Don't mention it. Mr.

Shaw, if you are agreeable, I'll

let you have my daughter as your wife.

Ohh I accept, I

accept! Daughter!

Daughter! I'm coming! Come

quickly.

Mr. Shaw, may I present to you my

daughter.

Now we don't want any trouble.

All right, if you say so, just hand it

over. Are you gonna let me pass this time?

If you give us the money.

Otherwise, we can't let you go.

You bastards how dare you?Hmm

Huh

You again?

God damn it! We're tricked again! Let's

go!

Ohh

Hey, man, I've got him.

What are you doing there?] Go on, get out

of here. Go on, go. ]

Mr. Shell.

Mr. Shell. Please wait for me.

Mr. Shell.

Mr. Shao, take me as your student. Please

take me. MeWhy should I?Oh,

after I saw you use your Kung Fu, I knew

you were the man for me. You're really

good.

I have a very rich father. He'll pay for

anything you ask. Uh-huhOh, well, get up,

get up, get up. He'll be throwing his

money away. Uh-huhNo, he's not. If I'm

your student, I'll make your name famous

everywhere. All the bandits will be

afraid of you. Oh

So my father won't have to hire so many

fighters. And that way he gets to save on

wages as well.

Huh

ohh Master, it's been a long time. Have

you come in?

Now, young master, what will you order

then?Give me some fresh cake and some

wine. Right, you are

coming now.

Take it easy, dear, here. I'll go inside

and rest. Teacher, I'll go with you. No

need. Here you are, here you

are.

Ohh

That's strange. Where did that get to?

Ah

Teacher.

What's the matter?Come in.

Teacher, I just told the guards that

they're to carry on on their own. So now

I will be able to go with you wherever

you go. All right, all right, go back to

your room. But I want to stay here with

you. HuhI prefer having my room to

myself. But I just want to be close to

you, that's all. That's enough. Get out,

get out.

oh I must be. I won't be gone in a

moment. I'll keep an eye open. Don't you

worry about it. Okay.

No. Oh no.

Teacher, why are the police fighting

themselves?I don't get it either. It

used to be just the bandits fought the

cops. But times have changed. Now they

prefer to fight each other.

Come on, let's forget it. You can buy me

a drink.

Inspector. Those two look suspicious.

I agree. But we have to wait until the

killer comes here. Then we'll get

all of them. Killing a cop?

The rope?We

all die soon enough. It's a case of

either us or them, isn't it?Wait, a more

wine, please. Mister, just how do you

think we can go on like this?You're

always fighting each other. We get no

customers. You break the crockery. We're

not making any money. Oh, that's it. All

right. We'll pay you for the damages.

That's what you mean. Thank you, sir.

Thank you. But we don't want official

compensation. It's no good. Yes, right.

Why is that?It's based on the price fixed

10 years ago. Oh, how

do you know that?I thought

everybody knew that.

HmmWho are you?Arrest this man.

Get

up! HuhChao Fu?Chao Fu. Chao Fu?

HuhChao Fu?Master, isn't Chao

Fu the notorious bandit?We have need of

him now. I don't care what the man's

background is. Come on, sir.

Mr. Shao, I'm Captain Lin. I work for

the government. So what?

We know all about you. You've got a long

record. HuhYou know me?

Mr. Shao, I'm a police official.

Right now I'm investigating official

corruption. That is why they tried to

kill us. Would you be willing to give me

a hand?It's none of my business.

But you're a wanted man. You can't go

very far. I could turn you in.

You can't do that. If, on the other

hand, you help me solve this case, I'll

give you a free pardon for all your

crimes. But I can't do it.

I might also be able to offer you some

money. Did you say

money?

Right! A lot of money!

Mr. Chan! Mr. Chan! Huh

You must go to the inn and deal with them

all right now. Uh, of

course. I can deal with those cops

anytime. There's no problem.

All right, now put down your weapons. You

are all under arrest by Captain

Lin's orders. What's that?We'll

never come. You'll have to take us into

the jail first. Mr. Shaw, didn't you

understand what they said?

They are asking for trouble.

ohh

Hey, what the hell's that guy doing out

there?Have you gone blind?This

is Shaolin Gongfu.

How did you guess?Mr. Chan is very

short-sighted. Huh

Quickly, go on, tell him that Chao Fu is

here! Go on, go on, tell him Chao Fu.

This is the famous Chao Fu! And Mr.

Chan is deaf, too. He can't hear a single

word that you were sang.

HuhHe's deaf!

Mr. Shelf, what do you think you're doing?

He'll recognize me as Shelf as soon as he

gets a whiff of this. Oh,

hey, I don't think he will. Mr.

Chan has got a completely blocked nose.

Teacher, he's a blind, deaf mute.

And he's also very strong. Looks as if

you're going to have to fight him. Mrs.

Hao, go on. You're going to have to fight

him now. All right.

I haven't really taught you Kung Fu yet.

No, not yet. Right. I'll beat you enough.

Right now?Kung

Fu only comes from experience. You must

fight a lot. Then you'll be good. I'll

remember. Here's your chance. Go and

fight him. Right.

Not bad at all.

ohh

Hey, come on. Let's get out of here.

Your student fights. Well, very good,

very good. You see, I don't like to lure

myself.

No problem. No problem.

Let's sit down. Thank you, thank

you. I thought for a moment there I might

get myself killed. But luckily I met you,

but I was sure looking after me today.

Mr. Lin, provided Lee

and his gang agree to spend the money

with us, 50/50, then we

can drop all the charges.

Is this how everything has gone here?

Let's eat and drink! Cheers!

There, Mr. Lee, Lee has come back again.

HuhI never met a man who didn't want to

die. Which one of you wants to be

defeated this time?They're saying that

it's a woman to challenge you. Do you

know who she is?Just a woman, teacher.

Ohh Don't

they have a man?They have to use women

now. All right.

I suppose I better deal with her myself.

ah

He's the one.

Hmm, he's a good looker. I could

never bring myself to fight with a woman.

You go. Oh no, teacher,

because I am your student. If you don't

fight women, then I can't fight women.

You've got a big mouth. Let's see

what you're really made of.

She stinks.

I can't stand it.

Oh, teacher, you shouldn't get dizzy over

a girl. She stinks so much.

HuhShe stinks?What do you

mean?All right now, do you submit?

Ohh She's killing me.

While I am here, you have nothing to fix.

Uh, we'll see.

God! It's too much! This

thing is killing me! You can't go. You

must order your students to challenge me

to a duel.

Uh, Sam?Yeah?Come

here. You have to fight her. Fight a

woman. I couldn't. You what?

Are you the boss or am I the boss?Uh, you

are. I order you to fight.

All right.

What

the heck are you doing?

Young fellow, I sympathize with you.

Teacher. Teacher.

Young fellow, watch what you're doing.

What's this?You want to attack me?

What's wrong with it?Oh, she's ferocious,

huhNever mind. She fancies

you. Young man, try something else.

OhhYou seem to

know your stuff. You're right there.

Ohh

Young man, now we're lovers.

Now fridge runs.

All right, all right, I submit. I knew

you couldn't beat me. Ohh Lost again.

Let's go. Oh, come on, let's go. Go, go,

go. You were

fantastic, Major.

That's all right. But I've made a

promise. That if any man beats me,

I'll make you my husband. If I'd known,

I'd have lost you. Oh, we'd better get

out of here. Come on. What's the

matter with everybody?Far

and

away! Teacher,That girl's built like a

mountain. I I could never marry her.

Hiya. Run. Marry her and you'll

be powerful. She'll see to that. Ohh

What's wrong?Don't you agree?But I don't

want to leave you.

It is stated that we should meet.

Teacher. Ah

Teacher. Teacher.

Teacher. Teacher.

Teacher. I've got plenty of time. I'll

just wait here until you come out. Oh,

Teacher. Teacher. Good God.

You have all of that smell. Ohh I can't

smell a thing. Maybe

you're meant for her, then. Anyone else

would run a mile.

Teacher. Teacher, wake up. Teacher.

Hey, I got six.

Now I'll announce, since your parents are

not here, that tonight is your wedding

night, and I'll be your guardian.

I hope that you'll both be very happy.

Teacher, you are drunk. Huh

Nonsense. A man like me's

never drunk. I could drink a whole

setter. Still be so. Waiter,

tomorrow night. Teacher, you are drunk.

I'll carry you upstairs and help you. Uh,

get off! Teacher, you've had too much to

drink. HmmWell, it's

your wedding night tonight, isn't it?

I want to give a little gift to each of

you. Thank you, Teacher. Uh, the

troubles. I don't know what to give you

yet. It'll have to wait till morning.

That guy can't wait till he gets out of

bed. Look at him, I

tell you. They're gonna have a greattime.

Teacher, we've not much

time. And so...

We should. Oh, right, rightOf

course, it is your wedding night, isn't

it?Hey, go up to your room. Uh, no no no

noTeacher, I'm not sleepy. I'd rather

stay here and drink with you. Oh, we

mustn't waste any time. Come on now,

let's go. Get up. Teacher! Come on, let's

go. Teacher! Come on! I'm feeling

very weak, Teacher. Uh, never mind,

my lad. Deals will make you strong. Off

you go. Ohh Leave me alone. I wouldn't

stay here, Teacher. You're

going downstairs. Hey, put

me down. The teacher, please leave me.

Help, helpPut

me down. What are you doing?

Please, Please let me go back to teacher,

please, pleaseI'm not

Mister, here's

your food.

I just saw a man up on the roof a moment

ago, but I don't know what he's doing

there. HuhOn the roof. Shh!

Keep quiet, or you will frighten himaway.

What the hell is he doing?Huda's made me

pray. Oh, brother.

HuhBuddha's name be praised. I'm gonna

have bad luck. Hello, thy monks crossing

my path. Mister, I have done nothing to

offend you. Really?Get out of my

way.

ohh

As long as you fight, I will fight back.

I've no time to waste with you.

Teacher! I saw him! I saw

him! Teacher! I saw him, wait for me!

Teacher! Now don't you go away! Wait for

me! Teacher! Teacher!

Why are you always following me?Teacher!

You're in a big hurry. Where are you

going?Yes, I am. I suddenly

remembered that I had some urgent

business. You didn't have to wake so

early. I hardly got any sleep last night

as it is. All right. You better catch up

on your sleep now. I'll go first. When my

business is finished, then I'll come back

here for you. Uh, teacher, I...

I want to go with you. No, you stay with

her. I know I haven't given you a wedding

present, but now I'll give you something

that'll be useful.

This will give away that terrible smile.

It's also useful for cooking.

Get a wag around your neck, always.

Goodbye. Uh, Teacher! Hey! I'll stop.

You put it on me. Oh...

Hey! Hey

Now what's the matter with you, huh

Hey, well, what are we doing

again?I have to find Teacher!

There's no need. We'll be all right

on our own. Why don't we forget about

him?And

settle down with a place of our own?No! I

have to find Teacher!

You won't get away from me.

oh

I told you you couldn't escape.

Where, shuffle?Who Who are you?

My teacher's gone. Then time's come back.

Or I'll kill you. I told

you he's not here. Don't try and fool me.

I can smell his scent from here. Do you

mean this?What's that?Shaked

again?HuhIf you want our

teacher. You're gonna have to deal with

us first.

You mean just the two of you are gonna

fight me?

Come back here, you.

ohh

Now tell me where your teacher is. I will

never tell you. Never.

ohh

We'll try something new.

You go below, I'll go above. Okay.

So you're interested in what's below?

Not in what you've got. Go to hell.

I'll get

you.

Ohh My dear, I can't take very much

more of this. God damn it, I'm gonna kill

you.

Mighty, you're suffocating me! Hold

on to me! I'll carry you!

So it's you. That's right.

What are you doing?

You?You're going to the temple. The

temple?But I don't want to

be a monk. Rubbish!

Ciao, foo. I've been looking for you.

For me?Ciao, foo.

You tried to murder me. Well, now I'm

gonna get even. Today I'm gonna pay you

back. Uh, but I...

No, No

No, no, noI'm not Shao Fu.

I am Shao Hu.

Shao Hu?

I am Shao Fu. Shao Hu!

I am Shao Hu. I'm not Shao Fu. Shao

Hu?

I'm not Sha Hu. I'm Sha Hu. I, I,

I'm, uh, oh.

Oh

dear God. If you want

me,And you want me?

Then you two better decide...

among yourselves, who's gonna take me?

Huh

Brother.

Brother.

Brother?Brother?

That's odd.

Where is he?

Shaolu, who are you?What do you want?

Brother, it's me!

I'm Shaolu. What are you

doing here?Why

aren't you the Shaolin Temple?You better

tell me everything. What are you being up

to?Sit down. Someone's

after you. He thinks that I'm you. And he

even tried to kill me. Oh.

You know what this guy looks like?And

where he is?You better tell. Eyes.

He's got big eyes. His kung fu is good.

I had a hell of a time today. Trying to

escape from him. I can tell you. Hmm

It's him. Hila.

It's about time I put pay to him

permanently. What are you

gonna do,

huhIf he wants me, he'll pass Five

Valley. I want you to dress in my clothes

tomorrow, pretend you're me,

and fight with him. He doesn't know

that we have met, but the two of us

together...

Jelan! Jelan!

Jelan! Jelan! You cruel bastard

Always hang me! Well, now I've come for

you! I'll teach you to

the double-cross me.

Today, I'm going to cut you into little

pieces.

Huh] Hey! ]

Brother! ] Now he's calling for him.

Wait, wait, waitI'm Shahu. I don't

give a damn who you are. You're gonna

die. No, hold

it, hold

it.

Ohh

oh

It's lucky I thought of that, or I'd be

dead by now.

I'm going to show you my special gum.

Brother. What the hell is keeping you?

Ah Brother! Brother!

Brother, I was afraid you'd run away.

You're my brother, aren't you?How could I

leave you to die for me?Chiao hoo!

I'm gonna get ya!

I beat you, I knew I could.

My special kung fu. Ah