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1
00:00:00,601 --> 00:00:03,770
♪ Ooh‐ooh‐ooh
2
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,840
♪ Thank you
For bein' a friend ♪
3
00:00:06,874 --> 00:00:09,510
♪ Travel down the road
And back again ♪
4
00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:12,179
♪ Your heart is true
5
00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:15,415
♪ You're a pal
And a confidante ♪
6
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:20,687
♪ And if you threw
A party ♪
7
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,557
♪ Invited everyone
You knew ♪
8
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,293
♪ You would see
9
00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:28,662
♪ The biggest gift
Would be from me ♪
10
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,064
♪ And the card attached
Would say ♪
11
00:00:31,098 --> 00:00:33,734
♪ Thank you
For bein' a friend ♪
12
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,469
♪ Thank you
For bein' a friend ♪
13
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:37,604
♪ Thank you
For bein' a friend ♪
14
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:41,008
♪ Thank you
For bein' a friend ♪
15
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:48,949
(mellow music playing)
16
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:09,970
‐Hey, shorty.
‐Hey, wrinkly.
17
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:12,973
Need help
with your homework?
18
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:14,041
Kind of.
19
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,576
I'm studying
the technical names
20
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,877
for all
the body parts.
21
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,846
I can't figure out
what this thing is.
22
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:19,980
That's a throat bone.
23
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,682
There's no bone
in the throat.
24
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:22,716
There isn't?
25
00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:27,888
Hey, I'm choking.
(coughs)
26
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:28,922
Sophia!
27
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,258
Hey, Roland.
28
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:32,860
Can you help me
with my homework?
29
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,628
Yeah, kid,
setup in the office.
I'll be right there.
30
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:37,431
Oh, Roland, you don't
have to be here.
I gave you the night off.
31
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,199
No, I kind of
want to stay in
for Oliver.
32
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,801
It's okay,
I don't mind.
I'm a workaholic.
33
00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:44,505
Oh, my god! He's been
drinking workahol?
34
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,013
(coughing)
35
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:55,716
You okay?
36
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,284
I've been floating
around the ceiling
37
00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:58,352
dead for three minutes,
38
00:01:58,385 --> 00:01:59,419
but thanks for asking.
39
00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:02,623
By the way,
God said hi.
40
00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:09,663
Rose, don't you think
it's kind of strange
41
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,532
that Roland
hasn't taken
one night off
42
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,599
since we've been here?
43
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,368
And I know why.
44
00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:15,636
He's lonely.
45
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:16,770
He hasn't been dating.
46
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,739
He has no love
in his life.
47
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,241
I should know.
I'm the expert on love.
48
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,443
Oh, please, get real!
49
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:26,280
You've had what,
three men
in the last 40 years?
50
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:29,116
I had that many between
the Kennedy and Oswald
assassinations.
51
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:36,089
Yeah, and how many
of that faceless horde
say, "I love you"?
52
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:37,824
Honey, if I touch them
in the right place,
53
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,593
I can get them to say,
"It's howdy doody time."
54
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,264
Well, I still say
Roland needs a girl,
55
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,300
and I'm the one
to find her, not you.
56
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:49,336
Well, let's not make this
into a contest, Rose.
57
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:51,605
Why not? Chicken?
58
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:52,673
No!
59
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,441
You afraid I know more
about men than you do?
60
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:56,143
No. I just don't think
we ought to meddle.
61
00:02:56,176 --> 00:03:01,148
(clucking)
62
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:04,518
Don't you dare
cluck at me,
Rose Nylund.
63
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:06,286
Look, I would accept
your challenge,
64
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,821
but it just
wouldn't be fair.
65
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,756
And even if you did,
you'd both lose.
66
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:10,958
I think there's
a simple reason
67
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:12,226
Roland doesn't
date women.
68
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:13,293
Why?
69
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:14,328
Because they're not men.
70
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,532
Oh, you don't mean...
71
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,167
Please, I haven't
seen a flame that big
72
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,802
since I went
to Arlington Cemetery.
73
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:35,649
(clears throat)
74
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:42,256
Terrible!
75
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,390
To make a good
marinara sauce
76
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:45,325
you have to simmer it
at least 24 hours.
77
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,593
That's clam chowder.
78
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:49,630
Perfect.
79
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,500
‐Where did
I put my glasses?
‐(door opens)
80
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,903
Hey, everybody, listen,
the TV station called,
81
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,704
and they want our chef
to do a cooking segment
82
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,039
on Good Morning, Miami.
83
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,841
(exclaiming)
84
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,709
All right, I'll do it,
but this is the last time.
85
00:04:05,312 --> 00:04:09,149
Oh, please, we have
great a chance to promote
the hotel on television,
86
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:10,584
and I'm going
to let you go on
87
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:11,919
and blurt something out?
88
00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,287
What do you mean,
"Blurt something out,"
89
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,988
you Sealy Posturepedic
with a face?
90
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:20,527
Look, Sophia,
91
00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,529
I know that you're
a better chef...
92
00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:26,667
but I have
TV experience.
93
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,536
‐Really?
‐Oh, yeah.
Super Bowl XXI.
94
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:31,405
That was me behind
Brent Musburger,
remember?
95
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:37,311
You know, it's a tough choice,
but I think Chuy should go.
96
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,246
Sophia, don't
take it personally.
97
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,347
It's just that Chuy...
98
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:43,016
Well, honey,
Chuy can see.
99
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,484
Keep talking,
Blanche.
100
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,753
Keep talking,
'cause I'm zoning in.
101
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:47,821
Keep talking,
Blanche.
102
00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:48,856
She went
this way.
103
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,226
Roland, shouldn't
you be out on the desk?
104
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:54,094
Yeah. Back to work.
105
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,397
(laughs) Well,
that's the last time
Roland will be single,
106
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:58,799
because in about
five minutes,
107
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,768
a beautiful woman
is going to walk
into his life.
108
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,505
And I'll win the bet,
and you'll be the loser!
109
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,206
Now wait a minute!
110
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,008
I thought we decided
we weren't going through
111
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,576
with that
silly competition.
112
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:10,878
Part of the secret
of winning
113
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,679
is knowing the game
has begun.
114
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:16,016
Now if you'll
excuse me,
115
00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:19,286
I have to go meet the future
Mrs. Roland Wilson out front.
116
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,555
No fair! No fair!
117
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:23,757
(mockingly)
"No fair! No fair!"
118
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,560
The mating call
of the loser.
119
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:33,166
Rose Nylund is not
going to beat me
at matchmaking.
120
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,236
Now where can I find
some delicate
young creature
121
00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:37,804
that would appeal
to Roland?
122
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,972
Delivery.
123
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,079
Do you have a minute
to meet a gorgeous man?
124
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:47,514
Well, can I freshen up first?
125
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:48,549
Oh, sure.
126
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:51,852
I'm fresh.
127
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,492
Fix your hair.
Fix your hair.
128
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,294
Wet your lips.
129
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,767
No, Sir, the Golden Palace
doesn't offer that service.
130
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,569
No, if you leave your shoes
outside your room,
131
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,304
they won't be shined,
they'll be gone.
132
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:14,808
Roland?
133
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,376
Yeah, Bla‐‐
(startles)
134
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:22,716
Roland, this is
a friend of mine
135
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:25,686
that I just think
you're really
going to like.
136
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,521
This is your friend?
What's her name?
137
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,356
Roy.
138
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,595
Actually,
this isn't my smock.
139
00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:35,662
That's enough, Roy.
140
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,664
I just feel like
you two
141
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:40,067
are really gonna be able to
make a go of it.
142
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,002
Uh, could...
could you excuse us?
143
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:46,440
Blanche,
this woman is covered
in meat stains.
144
00:06:46,473 --> 00:06:49,076
She's scaring away
the guests.
145
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,911
Now, look, I'm sure
she's a nice person,
146
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,212
and really,
it's not her...
147
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:55,682
It's the blood
and the hook.
148
00:06:58,819 --> 00:06:59,853
Stop it.
149
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,622
Why are you
resisting this?
150
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,590
You're both
so similar.
151
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:04,892
Similar? In what way?
152
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,426
Well, you're both...
153
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,529
you know,
you both have...
154
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:09,596
Well, you know,
you're both...
155
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,165
We're both black.
Right? Black?
156
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:14,067
(gasps) Hey,
you know what?
157
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:18,338
Blanche!
158
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:19,406
Oh, all right!
159
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,041
I don't know a lot
of black people, okay?
160
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,643
Besides, this is just
to tide you over.
161
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:23,844
I'm still looking.
162
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:25,546
Sorry, Roy.
163
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:26,780
You know how men are.
164
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:28,549
No, I don't.
165
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,120
Blanche,
you make me sick.
166
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,721
Fixing him up
because of his
skin color.
167
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,457
I've got someone coming
who's gonna like Roland
for Roland.
168
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,193
Oh, there you are,
Mr. Ricchuitti.
169
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:42,963
How do you
like your room?
170
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,399
Oh, it's exquisite.
Thank you, very much.
171
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:48,202
Now where's this, uh,
tasty little slim‐jim
172
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:49,603
you've been
filling my ears with?
173
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:54,208
I'm with her.
174
00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:01,548
Sophia!
How could you?
175
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:02,616
He's a guest.
176
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:03,984
I'm bringing him in
as an expert.
177
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,819
He'll ask
a few questions,
we'll get an answer.
178
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:08,222
Potpourri?
179
00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:09,256
No. Thank you.
180
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:12,960
Straight, no chaser.
181
00:08:18,565 --> 00:08:21,368
Now you see that, Blanche?
I don't need your help
with my personal life.
182
00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:22,703
Now I don't want you
meddling any more,
183
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,238
and I don't want to
meet any of your friends.
184
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,540
Roland,
this is Joanne.
185
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:28,842
So, this is the last time
I'm going to do this for you.
186
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,880
Hi, I'm Roland Wilson,
raging heterosexual.
187
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:33,914
So nice to meet you.
188
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:39,686
It's nice to meet you.
189
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,959
‐Ah! I win!
‐Oh!
190
00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:48,795
Roland wins.
It's a win‐win situation.
191
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,332
Aw, except for you,
Blanche.
192
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,635
You lose. (laughing)
193
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,150
I will not be beaten
by that woman.
194
00:09:10,184 --> 00:09:12,119
Oh, she makes me
so mad.
195
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,320
Don't sweat it.
196
00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:15,656
Between you and me,
that date
won't work out.
197
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,724
I think Roland's
still hung up
on Trisha.
198
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:18,792
Trisha who?
199
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:19,960
Trisha Waters.
200
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,528
She's Roland's
old girlfriend.
201
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:22,896
I've seen pictures of her.
202
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,431
She's really pretty.
203
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:26,733
Oh...why did they break up?
204
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:30,070
I don't know, I guess
because she moved back
to Atlanta.
205
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:33,106
Atlanta, huh?
(chuckles)
206
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:37,211
Well, I don't think
this contest
is quite over yet.
207
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:42,349
Chuy, this is
the third complaint today.
208
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:44,818
Table number five says
the soup is too salty.
209
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:46,486
But I didn't put
any salt in it.
210
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,389
Well, I hope you
get it together before
Good Morning, Miami.
211
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,025
I don't want you
embarrassing yourself
on TV.
212
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:55,295
I never get
complaints like this.
Man, this is weird.
213
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:09,810
Hey!
214
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,213
What did you just do?
215
00:10:13,247 --> 00:10:15,048
Nothing.
216
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:17,351
You just put that
whole box of sugar
in the soup.
217
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,319
Oh, I did not.
218
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:20,988
You've been trying
to ruin my food, huh?
219
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,690
You want
to make me look bad
so you can go on TV.
220
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,692
That...really hurts me.
221
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,561
I'm a wounded bird.
222
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,498
I'm sorry, Sophia.
223
00:10:31,532 --> 00:10:32,666
I was acting,
you idiot.
224
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:34,535
I was born
to be on TV.
225
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:43,076
Chuy,
I just did the most
wonderful thing.
226
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,211
You can't tell anybody.
227
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,412
What, Blanche?
228
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:47,414
I went through
Roland's phone book
229
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:48,515
and found
the phone number
230
00:10:48,549 --> 00:10:50,284
of his
old girlfriend, Trisha.
231
00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,219
I sent her a ticket,
and she'll be here soon.
232
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:53,320
Isn't t that wonderful?
233
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,622
Yes, it is. By the way,
234
00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:58,659
you must promise never
to do anything wonderful
for me, okay?
235
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:05,666
So, Roland,
how was your lunch
with Joanne?
236
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:07,301
Oh, it was great,
incredible.
237
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,368
This girl is great.
238
00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:09,503
‐Really?
‐Yeah.
239
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:11,905
Yeah, I just didn't think
she was quite right for you.
240
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:13,207
Of course, I don't know
241
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,143
any other women
you've gone out with.
242
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,680
But isn't there anyone
you just can't seem
to forget?
243
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:22,316
You know, only one,
actually, Trisha.
244
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,784
‐Trisha?
‐Yeah.
245
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:26,320
God! What a miserable
experience that was.
246
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,058
Why? Wasn't she pretty?
247
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,526
Oh, yeah, she was beautiful,
248
00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,394
but she
just suffocated me.
249
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:35,863
I mean, she was
so possessive
and clinging.
250
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,331
She always had to
have her hands
on me.
251
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:40,667
And you know, she had
this game called
"Mr. Walking Fingers."
252
00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,236
I can't talk
about this, Blanche.
253
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,337
Roland?
254
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,539
Maybe, maybe,
she just loved you.
255
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,207
No, no,
she didn't love me.
256
00:11:47,241 --> 00:11:48,775
(mockingly)
She wowed me.
257
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:51,311
She wowed
a wittle Woland.
258
00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:55,349
Oh, god!
What a nightmare!
259
00:11:57,417 --> 00:11:58,452
How'd you
get rid of her?
260
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,320
I told her
a widdle wie.
261
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,527
Roland, I need
to talk to you now.
262
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,761
‐I'm on the phone.
‐Yeah.
263
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:10,163
Yeah. Yeah, Joanne.
I had a great time
at lunch, too.
264
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:11,298
It'll just take
a minute.
265
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,467
Uh‐huh. I'm going to
look forward to that.
266
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,801
Okay, I'll talk
to you later. Bye.
267
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:17,437
Boy, this girl is terrific!
268
00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:19,439
I have to
tell you something.
269
00:12:19,473 --> 00:12:21,775
I know, I was upset before
when you guys
tried to set me up,
270
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:23,544
but Joanne is great.
271
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:28,482
Well,
love is my field
of expertise.
272
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,584
Man, you know,
for the first time
in a long time,
273
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,986
my life is finally
coming together.
274
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,621
Hewo, wover.
275
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,193
Guess who?
276
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,229
Please, God, tell me
it's Elmer Fudd.
277
00:12:54,308 --> 00:12:55,809
Oh, Roland.
278
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:59,813
I was just stunned
when I got your telegram.
279
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:01,381
And you didn't
need to send
the plane ticket.
280
00:13:01,415 --> 00:13:03,817
I would have been
more than happy
to pay for it myself.
281
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:05,452
Now you tell me.
282
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,054
What?
283
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,389
Now you tell me
her name.
284
00:13:09,423 --> 00:13:12,226
See, this is where
you introduce us.
285
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:13,861
Oh, uh, Blanche,
this is Trisha.
286
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,262
She's an old...friend.
287
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,830
Oh, well, Trisha.
288
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:18,599
It's a pleasure
to meet you.
289
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,901
Actually, Roland isn't
quite telling the truth.
290
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,836
See, I'm more than
just an old friend.
291
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,171
I'm an old girlfriend.
292
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:25,439
We used to date.
293
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,941
Right up until the time
he entered the priesthood.
294
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,549
Priesthood?
295
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,951
Yes, uh, Trisha was
the last girl I dated
296
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,120
before I tried my hand
at...priesting.
297
00:13:42,456 --> 00:13:44,925
Well, thanks
for stopping by.
298
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:47,995
There you go again
with the funny phrases
of yours.
299
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,664
Well, why don't we
just give you
the key to 301.
300
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:52,065
Oh, thanks.
301
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:54,201
‐I wove you.
‐Yeah.
302
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,469
Take care.
303
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,237
I'll be
thinking of you.
304
00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:58,472
Okay.
305
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,073
Will you be
thinking of me?
306
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:01,241
Oh, yeah.
307
00:14:08,382 --> 00:14:09,616
I can't believe this.
308
00:14:09,650 --> 00:14:12,553
Trisha has called down
25 times today.
309
00:14:12,586 --> 00:14:14,421
I tell her I'm busy,
but she just won't
leave me alone,
310
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,456
and look at this.
She had a pot roast
delivered.
311
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,026
God only knows
what this means.
312
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,261
Oh, wait,
this is from Roy.
313
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:27,167
Two terrific women
to choose from,
314
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:28,969
but I still cast my vote
for Trisha.
315
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:30,470
Haven't you heard
a word I've said, Blanche?
316
00:14:30,504 --> 00:14:32,806
I don't want Trisha.
317
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,341
I can't keep
running from her.
318
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,543
Look, you guys probably
don't want to talk about
my personal life.
319
00:14:36,577 --> 00:14:37,911
Yes, we do.
Sit down.
320
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,649
(clears throat)
Sort of like bleeding
in the shark tank, man.
321
00:14:44,585 --> 00:14:46,486
Look, I know
what you guys do.
322
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:49,289
You eat your cheesecake
and you tell your stories,
323
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:51,358
but who's going to
have a story about
being madly pursued?
324
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,960
‐I do.
‐Oh, I have one.
325
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,962
Swim, man!
Swim for your life!
326
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:57,731
Why don't I begin?
327
00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,867
Because we hate
that southern crap!
328
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,469
The moonshine,
the mosquitoes,
the inbreeding.
329
00:15:02,503 --> 00:15:05,138
Please, I get pregnant
just listening
to that stuff.
330
00:15:07,341 --> 00:15:09,476
Would you prefer
to sit here and listen to
Rose ramble on
331
00:15:09,510 --> 00:15:11,078
about
tap‐dancing chickens?
332
00:15:12,446 --> 00:15:13,480
And her recipes
333
00:15:13,514 --> 00:15:15,015
for yergen flergen
bergen gergen flergen?
334
00:15:17,618 --> 00:15:21,321
(laughs)
You pronounce it
just like a tourist.
335
00:15:23,357 --> 00:15:24,758
Besides, what would
you rather hear?
336
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,393
"picture it, Sicily?"
337
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:30,731
Well, in seven years,
I've never been able
to picture Sicily.
338
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:33,100
So, either,
bring in a photograph,
or shut up.
339
00:15:38,472 --> 00:15:40,874
Look, you guys,
I really shouldn't have
brought this up, okay?
340
00:15:40,908 --> 00:15:42,276
It's my problem.
I'll deal with it.
341
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:44,044
Oh, okay, okay,
I'll skip the story.
342
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,212
Although
you should know
343
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:48,015
that mine resulted
in a bare‐chested brawl
344
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,884
and involved a man
named Jerry Lee Lewis.
345
00:15:50,918 --> 00:15:52,653
Mine had
Enzo Ferrari.
346
00:15:53,554 --> 00:15:55,289
Mayor McCheese.
347
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,061
Can I just ask you
a simple question?
348
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,462
Why'd you lie to her?
349
00:16:02,496 --> 00:16:04,364
Come on, Blanche.
You've met her.
350
00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:06,099
I mean, she just cares
about me so much,
351
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,569
I didn't think that
she could take
the rejection.
352
00:16:08,602 --> 00:16:10,704
I'm just going to
have to figure out some way
to get rid of her.
353
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,773
But this is my problem,
I'll deal with it,
354
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,875
but, you know,
thanks for talking,
for being friends.
355
00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:17,244
I just wish
I knew what sick,
twisted mind
356
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,112
could concoct such
a hurtful scheme.
357
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:22,616
(clears throat) Maybe
one of your friends
could help you.
358
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:27,087
Roland, there's something
I want to say, friend.
359
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,121
Well,
what is it, pal?
360
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:31,391
I'm the one who sent
for her, buddy.
361
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,093
You did what,
dead woman?
362
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,098
Yeah,
I sent for Trisha.
363
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:40,934
I guess, I just
got competitive
with Rose, and I‐‐
364
00:16:40,968 --> 00:16:43,604
Lost! You lost,
and I won!
365
00:16:44,338 --> 00:16:46,306
I kicked your rump!
366
00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:48,075
That's enough,
you chucklehead.
367
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,045
I just wanted
to make you happy.
368
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,748
How, by reuniting me
with the woman
I can't stand?
369
00:16:54,781 --> 00:16:56,483
Yeah, I know it doesn't
look very good right now,
370
00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:59,152
but, see,
love is my field
of expertise.
371
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:01,088
Yeah, well, as far
as I'm concerned,
Blanche,
372
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,756
you really crossed
the line this time.
373
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,994
(telephone rings)
374
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:17,204
Aren't you
going to answer it?
375
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:18,906
‐What?
‐The phone...
phone's ringing.
376
00:17:18,939 --> 00:17:21,141
I know the phone's ringing.
It's been ringing all day.
I'm not deaf.
377
00:17:23,277 --> 00:17:24,478
Yeah,
I'm not deaf, either.
378
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:27,247
Golden palace.
379
00:17:27,281 --> 00:17:28,315
Certainly.
380
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:30,117
Uh, for how many nights
would that be?
381
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,819
Sophia, the phone
stopped ringing.
382
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,290
I suppose
this will go down
383
00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:37,558
on my
permanent record.
384
00:17:39,993 --> 00:17:41,428
Look, that was
Trisha's room, Blanche.
385
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:42,896
I just can't
talk to her.
386
00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:44,798
And you know what,
I shouldn't be
talking to you, either.
387
00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,166
Roland, I know
you're upset,
388
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,568
but we can't afford
to lose business.
389
00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:49,870
Now, if you're not going
to get the phone,
then let Sophia get it.
390
00:17:50,604 --> 00:17:52,539
Golden palace.
391
00:17:52,573 --> 00:17:54,842
No ring that time,
either, Sophia.
392
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:57,244
A little joke
to relieve the tension.
(laughs)
393
00:17:58,846 --> 00:18:00,347
Why here you are.
394
00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,082
"Meet me at
the airport."
395
00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:03,283
What a joker.
396
00:18:03,317 --> 00:18:04,351
(laughs hesitantly)
397
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:05,953
So, what do you
want to do today?
398
00:18:05,986 --> 00:18:08,388
I can't do anything today.
I've got to work, Trisha.
399
00:18:08,422 --> 00:18:10,324
Well, baby, I thought
you wanted to see me.
400
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,059
I mean,
isn't that why
you sent for me?
401
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,827
You just don't
get it, do you?
402
00:18:13,861 --> 00:18:16,296
Get it?
What do you mean, get it?
No, I don't get it.
403
00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:17,364
I'm not getting it,
either.
404
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:18,398
Let it ring.
405
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:23,203
Look, we need to talk.
406
00:18:23,237 --> 00:18:24,471
Let's just go in
the other room. Okay?
407
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:26,773
Roland. Roland.
408
00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:29,109
What are you
going to tell her?
409
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:30,511
Any suggestions?
410
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,746
Oh, no, wait,
you've gone way too far
out of your way
411
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,081
to help me already.
412
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,884
Why don't you
just tell her the truth?
She's not a child.
413
00:18:36,917 --> 00:18:38,452
I can't.
It'll hurt her
too much.
414
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,988
Well, it'll hurt her
either way.
415
00:18:41,021 --> 00:18:42,422
I mean,
just be honest.
416
00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:44,858
Deep down, everybody
wants to hear the truth.
417
00:18:44,892 --> 00:18:46,360
She'll thank you
for it later.
418
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:47,561
You didn't thank me
when I told you
419
00:18:47,594 --> 00:18:49,296
you looked like
a cheese blintz
in a wig.
420
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,170
Trish? Just...
421
00:18:58,071 --> 00:18:59,306
Look... (clears throat)
422
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,508
This is, uh,
very difficult for me,
423
00:19:01,542 --> 00:19:04,211
but if we don't
have honesty
in this friendship,
424
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,445
then we don't have
anything at all,
425
00:19:05,479 --> 00:19:07,714
so, please understand,
what I'm about to tell you
426
00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:09,483
is the truth,
and nothing but.
427
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:13,820
My mother
was kidnapped
by Afghani rebels,
428
00:19:13,854 --> 00:19:14,922
and I must go to her.
429
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:19,359
Again?
430
00:19:21,128 --> 00:19:22,763
Trish,
I was never a priest.
431
00:19:22,796 --> 00:19:24,231
I never
even left Florida.
432
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:26,233
Roland,
I've always known.
433
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:29,636
I knew you were lying
when you came up with
that ridiculous story.
434
00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:30,671
Which one?
435
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,207
All of them.
436
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,641
I'm not an idiot.
437
00:19:34,675 --> 00:19:36,977
Then why did you even
waste your time
coming back down here?
438
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,546
Because when
I got your telegram,
439
00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:41,448
I thought you wanted
to see me.
440
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,450
And I wanted to take
one more shot
441
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:44,952
at making this work.
442
00:19:44,985 --> 00:19:46,954
There's so many
good things we had.
443
00:19:46,987 --> 00:19:49,489
So many good times
we had together.
444
00:19:50,157 --> 00:19:51,592
Remember?
445
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:56,063
Mr. Walking fingers
climbing up
Roland mountain.
446
00:19:56,096 --> 00:19:57,531
Stop it! Stop it!
447
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:58,565
No.
448
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:00,901
Look, you stop it.
449
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:02,536
Trish, I didn't send you
that telegram.
450
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:03,704
Blanche did.
451
00:20:05,939 --> 00:20:07,074
I'm sorry.
452
00:20:07,107 --> 00:20:08,809
I just...
I don't love you.
453
00:20:08,842 --> 00:20:10,377
You don't love me?
454
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,879
No, I‐I don't.
455
00:20:14,114 --> 00:20:15,482
Can I ask why?
456
00:20:15,516 --> 00:20:17,484
Well, there's never
just one reason
457
00:20:17,518 --> 00:20:18,952
why somebody doesn't
love somebody,
458
00:20:18,986 --> 00:20:20,821
but if I had to
pick one...
459
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,624
I guess it's 'cause
you suffocate me.
460
00:20:24,558 --> 00:20:25,692
I do?
461
00:20:25,726 --> 00:20:28,862
Look...I'm sure that
there's some guy
out there
462
00:20:28,896 --> 00:20:30,497
who really wants
a beautiful woman
463
00:20:30,531 --> 00:20:32,699
to love him
the way that
you love me.
464
00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:34,001
But that just
can't be me.
465
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:35,002
I'm sorry.
466
00:20:36,904 --> 00:20:38,105
Well...
467
00:20:38,138 --> 00:20:40,474
at least you were
finally honest with me.
468
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:46,313
You know why
I was so hung up on you
all this time?
469
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:47,381
No, why?
470
00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:49,216
Because you were
the first guy
471
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:51,084
who didn't seem
to be interested in me
472
00:20:51,118 --> 00:20:53,453
just because of my
enormous inheritance.
473
00:21:03,997 --> 00:21:06,233
Chuy, how did
the TV taping go?
474
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,302
Oh, man,
I was on fire.
475
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:11,371
I sizzled. I sauteed.
I baked. I browned.
476
00:21:11,405 --> 00:21:12,439
Then I figured
I might as well
477
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:13,774
get off the beach
and go do the show.
478
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:16,577
Well, how did it go?
479
00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:19,513
Oh, great,
once I got
into the studio.
480
00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,215
Is Sophia
still picketing?
481
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:26,587
Yeah. Man, that old lady
can work a bullhorn.
482
00:21:29,089 --> 00:21:30,691
Roland, listen,
we've been talking
483
00:21:30,724 --> 00:21:33,427
and we both realize
that we owe you
a little apology.
484
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,162
Oh, well, thanks.
485
00:21:35,195 --> 00:21:37,898
The whole thing started
because we were
worried about you.
486
00:21:37,931 --> 00:21:39,766
We thought you were
working too hard.
487
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,702
Well, do you know why
I'm working so hard?
488
00:21:41,735 --> 00:21:44,004
I'm trying to teach
you three ladies
the hotel business.
489
00:21:44,037 --> 00:21:45,105
I mean,
you guys are
new at this.
490
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:46,773
I can't trust you alone
with the hotel yet.
491
00:21:46,807 --> 00:21:48,275
We're not going
to do anything
492
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:50,477
to hurt our own business.
493
00:21:50,511 --> 00:21:52,246
Boy, it's
hot out there.
494
00:21:52,279 --> 00:21:54,047
Do you mind
if I picket
around the desk?
495
00:21:56,283 --> 00:21:57,885
Roland, I think
it's really sweet
496
00:21:57,918 --> 00:21:59,052
that you worry
about us,
497
00:21:59,086 --> 00:22:00,554
but, honey, you have
to understand,
498
00:22:00,587 --> 00:22:02,489
now, we worry
about you, too.
499
00:22:02,523 --> 00:22:03,724
We can't help it.
500
00:22:03,757 --> 00:22:05,359
You're family now.
501
00:22:05,392 --> 00:22:07,261
You consider me
family? Come on.
502
00:22:07,294 --> 00:22:10,731
For heaven's sake,
we work together,
we live together.
503
00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:12,599
You're
like a son to us.
504
00:22:12,633 --> 00:22:14,368
We were worried
you weren't
getting any.
505
00:22:21,375 --> 00:22:22,976
Well, I'm really fond
of you guys, too,
506
00:22:23,010 --> 00:22:24,444
but in the future,
please don't go
507
00:22:24,478 --> 00:22:25,946
messing around
in my love life.
508
00:22:25,979 --> 00:22:27,848
I mean, I'm capable
of handling that myself.
509
00:22:27,881 --> 00:22:30,184
You know,
this matchmaking thing,
it just doesn't work.
510
00:22:31,385 --> 00:22:32,619
Ready to go
for lunch, Rol?
511
00:22:34,154 --> 00:22:35,422
Okay, this time
you got lucky.
512
00:22:38,325 --> 00:22:42,930
So, Roland's going out
with Joanne, huh?
513
00:22:42,963 --> 00:22:46,733
I'd say our score
is chuckleheads, one,
tramps, nothing.
514
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,672
Hey. Are you guys sure
you're going to be okay here
without me?
515
00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:53,006
Go ahead.
We're capable
516
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:54,274
of running
this hotel.
517
00:22:54,308 --> 00:22:55,309
(ding)
518
00:22:59,046 --> 00:23:00,247
Golden palace.
519
00:23:07,855 --> 00:23:09,957
Workers, unite!
520
00:23:09,990 --> 00:23:12,492
We won't let management
intimidate us.
521
00:23:12,526 --> 00:23:16,063
We must get out
from under the heel
of ownership.
522
00:23:16,096 --> 00:23:18,232
Sophia, you are
one of the owners.
523
00:23:22,503 --> 00:23:23,837
Everybody,
back to work!
37908
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