Original subtitles

♪ ooh‐ooh‐ooh

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Travel down the road And back again ♪

♪ Your heart is true ♪

♪ You're a pal And a confidante ♪

♪ And if you threw a party ♪

♪ Invited everyone You knew ♪

♪ You would see the biggest Gift would be from me ♪

♪ And the card attached Would say ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

♪ Thank you For bein' a friend ♪

Okay, I just finished hosing out the dumpster

and cleaning up the back alley.

Well, thank you, Oliver.

I really appreciate your pitching in like that,

as long as it doesn't affect your schoolwork.

Maybe I'll make you our custodian supervisor.

Oh, I get it. Handing out titles instead of raises?

Well, I'm not biting.

The old lady said she'd make it worth my while

if I did some extra work.

That's right, and I wasn't kidding.

Here you go. A nice, new, shiny quarter.

Hey, thanks.

Now I can call the child labor board.

Oliver, I'll give you $5.00 later.

but from now on, will you check with me before you do any extra chores.

We have to watch what we spend.

You know, things are a little slow around here.

Good morning. What's up?

Oh, I was just telling, Oliver we have

to do something to drum up some business.

Well, I have an idea.

Ha ha!

What? I just said I have an idea.

(all laughing)

Okay, Rose. What's your idea?

Well, I think in order to drum up business, we should advertise.

Something like fliers.

Yeah, fliers are cheap.

Just print some up and put them on car windows.

You know, that's how Dorothy found out about Shady Pines.

My daughter put me in a home

that was advertised on a flier. Isn't that sad?

You're not getting this quarter back.

I'm sorry, Rose, honey, but I just don't like fliers.

Well, it doesn't have to be fliers.

I mean, all we really have to do is write "Golden Palace"

on something everybody sees.

What do you say, Blanche? You up for another tattoo on your butt?

‐Blanche, I need to talk with you. ‐Uh‐huh.

Well, don't we even get a good morning, Mr. Grumpy?

I'm sorry. Good morning.

Oh, come on. You can do better than that.

You know, I used to be grumpy like you in the morning.

And then I promised myself, I was gonna start each day with a happy little song.

To be more cheery. And it works.

I mean, something like Red, Red Robin or Zip‐a‐Dee‐Doo‐Dah.

You really want to see a black man walking around the lobby singing Zip‐a‐Dee‐Doo‐Dah?

Unbelievable.

Blanche, uh, you're working the front desk

between 2:00 and 5:00 while I do inventory, right?

Uh, yeah, that's right.

Okay, I'm gonna take over at 3:00.

Ken McGowan, the guy who writes that syndicated column for The Times,

is checking in today.

‐(gasps) He is? ‐Yeah.

So, I want to make sure nothing goes wrong.

So, if it's okay with you, I'd feel more comfortable if I checked him in.

Oh, well, I really appreciate that, Roland,

but I think I'd rather handle it myself.

(chuckles) Really, Blanche. Why don't you let me?

Well because I think the person in charge of the hotel ought to check him in.

I have an idea.

(laughing)

No. Really...

‐In this case, I think I should be the one‐‐ ‐Roland

You heard my decision.

Fine.

If this is what you wanna do, do it.

Well, thank you. (chuckles)

Blanche, don't you think that was a little rough?

You know how sensitive Roland is,

and we can't run this hotel without him.

I know it, but sometimes Roland just takes too much for granted.

We cannot have that.

He's got to learn that I own this hotel.

You mean we own this hotel.

Yeah, yeah. We, we.

Hey, Blanche. Ring the old lady's room and tell her meet me in the lobby.

(sighs) All right, Oliver. But, you really shouldn't call Sophia "The old lady."

That is disrespectful.

‐Okay. ‐No answer.

Wonder what the talking prune is up to now.

You're right on time. Let's roll.

What are y'all doing this afternoon?

I'm handing out fliers with talking prune.

Oh.

I told you not to tell people my Indian name.

Wait a minute.

These fliers have coupons for free margaritas.

Yeah.

The plan is, they come here,

get loaded, we take their car keys,

then they have to check in.

See, it's part of my

"get drunk and wake up in a strange hotel, America" campaign.

(phone rings)

You're not handing out those fliers, Sophia.

Golden Palace.

You can't stop me. You have to check‐in that V. I. P.

He's got homework to do.

So he'll repeat one year.

Blanche, guess what?

I went to the television station

to check on advertising rates for the hotel.

‐Rose, I told you. We can't afford that‐‐ ‐Listen to me. Listen to me.

And I ran into an old friend

Who's producing The Barbara Legrand Show.

‐The afternoon talk show. ‐Oh.

Anyway, we struck a deal,

and starting today, they're gonna plug the hotel on TV.

All we have to do is put up the guests from their show.

Starting today? You did this without checking with me?

Oh, I had to act fast. I mean a lot of other hotels were after this.

I thought you'd be happy.

I am. I just wish you'd checked with me first.

I do check with you first.

That's why I didn't run right out and buy the hotel mascot.

Mascot?

For the slogan I came up with.

"The Golden Palace. Not a baa‐ad place to stay."

Listen to me.

No sheep, Rose.

"No sheep, Rose. No sheep, Rose."

That's all I ever hear from you.

Hey, Blanche. Who told Sophia to hand out these fliers on the corner?

She got away from me.

I think it's hard to maintain the hotel's classy image

with an old lady and a kid out front going, "Check it out, check it out."

I'll take care of it later.

What are you doing here? You're not through with inventory already?

Well, you said the person in charge should check‐in Mr. McGowan,

and since you obviously aren't in charge here‐‐

Oh, wait a minute.

Are you saying that I cannot run a hotel?

I happen to make important decisions every day.

I'm not looking for a fight here, Blanche.

Who is this Ken McGowan anyway?

Some hack writer for a two‐bit tabloid?

‐I'm Ken McGowan. ‐And I'm a fan.

Nice to see you again, Mr. McGowan.

I have a reservation.

Yes, indeedy, you certainly do.

I have put you in room 302, our largest suite.

‐Okay. ‐Uh, perhaps Mr. McGowan would be happier in suite 306.

It has a lovely ocean view.

‐Okay. ‐Yes, but 306 also faces the street.

I'm sure he'd rather be in 302.

Besides, I've already sent a basket of fruit up there.

‐Okay. ‐And Champagne.

Perhaps Mr. McGowan would like a little iced champagne after his long trip?

Actually, I have a coupon for a free margarita.

‐Okay ‐Okay

Well, um, I'll show you both of the rooms,

and then you can judge for yourself.

‐Okay. ‐Just follow me, please, Mr. McGowan.

Did you see that?

He usurped me.

(telephone rings)

Golden Palace.

Yes, she is. Rose?

It's a Jason from Unusual Pets .

Well, I can't imagine what this is.

Probably a wrong number.

Cancel the sheep.

Yo, Oliver. Can you get me some steaks?

‐Yeah, sure. ‐Thanks.

Mmm. That bread smells good.

Chuy, where did you learn to cook?

Well, um, when I was 18,

I went to The Fashion Institute of Technology.

You see, I had this dream.

Uh, I wanted to design clothes, you know

make an impact, redefine the male image.

Also, I drew number seven in the draft lottery.

So it was in the service that I learned how to cook.

‐Well, here you go. ‐Well, thanks.

‐Oh, man, this is ‐frozen solid. ‐Yeah.

Sophia put all the meat that was in the refrigerator back in the freezer

to make room for the margarita mix.

She's expecting a rush on it tonight.

See you later.

Oh, man, doesn't Sophia know when you defrost meat

you have to cook it?

If you try to refreeze it, people could get sick, maybe even die.

Well, I'm ready to help.

Hey, how about if I make you a nice little hamburger first?

Chuy!

Sophia, all the meat was ruined to make room for your margarita mix.

So call up the butcher and order some meat.

(mimicking Sophia) So call up the butcher and order some meat.

Yeah, I could do that.

Yo, Jose, it's Chuy down at the Golden Palace.

Yeah, I need some meat for tonight.

I don't care if it costs extra. I need it for tonight.

Hey, what's going on?

Uh, look, I don't care about special delivery charges. I need it tonight.

Hang up that phone.

Wait a minute. The boss is giving me a dirty look.

No, no, not Roland. The lady I told you about.

(laughing)

Yeah, that one. (continues laughing)

I got to go.

Chuy, I told you, anything you order for this kitchen

has to be initialed by me first.

Blanche, you're in here? You're supposed to be at the front desk.

Roland, I'm not in a good mood right now.

Have you tried singing Zip‐a‐Dee‐Doo‐Dah?

There you go!

Hey, what are you doin' here anyway?

It isn't 4:30 yet. My shift isn't over till 5:00.

‐Oh, it's almost time for our promo on TV. ‐Roland: What promo?

Oh, I got us a plug on The Barbara Legrand Show.

All we have to do is put up her guests.

Now that's a great idea.

That's really gonna help our business.

Well, Blanche didn't think so. She said I should check with her first.

Chuy: Yeah. Me too. Me too

man, she said I had to check everything with her first.

Man, just go back to the old way of doing things.

Hey! That's twice you've usurped me!

And if you have any other problems, Chuy, you come to me.

Thrice!

I got work to do.

Oh.

Blanche: Roland, I'm talking to you.

Will you please listen to me?

‐Ah, Roland. ‐Blanche, look.

Everyone here is trying to do a job.

But you're always on our backs.

Just lighten up a little.

Well, you seem to be forgetting that I own this hotel.

‐We! ‐Yeah, yeah. We.

But I am the boss. You do not contradict me.

Now look, before this fight gets any worse,

I just want you to go on a break so I can cool off.

‐Blanche, come here. Our promo's on. ‐Oh!

Guests of The Barbara Legrand Show

stay at the lovely Golden Palace Hotel in Miami.

Maybe this wasn't a bad idea, Rose.

Thanks for watching and tune in tomorrow when our topic is

"Men who kill and are set free."

Excuse me!

I'm doing The Barbara Legrand Show tomorrow.

Um, could I get my room, please?

You'll have to see her. I'm on my break.

Uh, did you say that you're doing The Barbara Legrand Show tomorrow?

Yes, I'm a guest on the show tomorrow.

And I'm very nervous about it. So I need a room that's very quiet.

Our rooms are quiet.

Of course not so quiet that you wouldn't hear somebody if they scream for help.

In that case, give me a room away from people.

You see, I'm a loner.

Nothing wrong with being a loner. Rose!

Why don't you come out here and help me check‐in mister, uh, um...

Cosay. Gordon M. Cosay.

And, and what does the "M" stand for?

MacRae. My parents were big fans of Gordon MacRae.

So all my life I grew up hearing,

"Why can't you be more like Gordon MacRae?"

How the hell are you supposed to be more like Gordon MacRae!

I don't know. I don't know.

I mean... May we give you a hand with your bag?

Please don't touch my things.

I hate it when people touch my things.

‐Don't touch his ‐things, Rose. ‐I didn't.

Don't you worry about a thing now. Look here, we're gonna put you in room 312.

It's very quiet, Mr. MacRae.

Cosay!

MacRae's just my stupid middle name.

I'm going to my room now.

‐Go. Go with God. ‐(sighs)

Happy hour! Who wants a free margarita?

You look like you could use a drink.

Ah! I really shouldn't but...

What the hell?

Oh! Ah! Oh! Ice headache!

Ice headache!

Oh, man. It hurts!

I won't forget this.

‐We're all gonna die. ‐Oh.

He's okay. He's just one of those poor souls who...

who... who kills people!

‐We're all gonna die! ‐Don't say that!

We have a murderer in the hotel and Sophia's giving him drinks.

‐Oh, we're all gonna die! ‐Yeah, it's all your fault.

‐Now what're we gonna do? ‐Well, you're gonna go tell him he has to leave.

‐Me? ‐Well, don't forget. You own this hotel.

Wait! Rose, Rose. We, we.

Yeah, yeah. "We."

Chuy, the killer wants his steak,

and he wants it right now.

Yeah well, I sent Oliver out to get him one.

I don't think he'll wait much longer.

Well, see if he wants another free margarita?

I tried that.

He's worried about what the salt will do to his blood pressure.

Well, see if he wants some nachos or somethin'.

It's meat, man! We need meat!

Okay, look. I'll just go out and reason with him, okay?

I mean, even a nut can understand I can't cook him a steak if I don't have one.

Look I'll just explain the situation and have him order something else.

Gordon: (yelling) Where's my meat?

We need meat, man.

Meat. Meat.

I bet three.

You're bluffing, Grandma.

I don't see any fruit.

Hmm... All right. I call.

Pair of 9s.

‐Three 3s. ‐Three 3s?

Mama's gonna bake herself a pie.

‐Want another one? ‐Yeah, sure. Why not?

What's going on down here?

Oh, Sophia got my pot.

Oh, well. She's a good cook too. I'm sure she'll use it well.

No, not that pot. The other kind.

All right, what in the hell is going on here?

What? We were playing poker, and she won.

‐What did you think? ‐Oh!

Wait a minute!

Blanche, I'm shocked.

Do I look like the kind of guy that would smoke marijuana?

Well, no.

‐Damn straight, no. ‐(Sophia chuckles)

Here you go.

(gasps) How many of those have you had?

‐Seven. ‐Blanche: (gasps) Seven!

You can't drink that much tequila.

There's no tequila in this. I'm just whacked out on blood sugar. Whee!

Oh, I'm so glad you're all here.

I can't sleep as long as that man is in this hotel.

Oh, I can't sleep either. But not 'cause I'm scared.

'Cause I'm so mad at Roland.

And I'm a little bit mad at you all, too.

What did we do?

Well, you're not supporting me.

Girls, do you have any idea how important this hotel is to me?

All my life I've wondered what it would be like to run my own business.

You know, I can remember when I was younger

and wanting to go into business for myself.

Now, I sat myself down and I said,

"What is it that I'm really good at that would make me a lot of money?"

Ooh, ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

It had to be something I enjoyed doing.

both: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

And something that would benefit mankind.

all: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

And of course, it had to be something that was legal.

All: Oh! Oh!

‐Did you ever go into business, Sophia? ‐Yeah.

I rented out our apartment in Brooklyn.

I put a sign outside, that read,

"See Dorothy. World's biggest baby. 25 cents."

You're kidding. I've seen baby pictures of Dorothy, she wasn't that big.

No, but she had a big head. So I got a couple of salami,

put a pair of baby shoes on them and stuck 'em in her PJs.

She looked like she was about four feet long.

Charlie and I were gonna start a business once.

We'd been on a trip to Washington, D. C.,

and we poured every dollar we had

into getting the rights to run the gift shop at the White House.

The White House belongs to the government.

A private citizen can't run a gift shop there.

I know, I know. All right, I know.

So you see, Blanche, we've all had our dreams.

But we all want the hotel to work, especially Roland.

I mean, you're getting mad at him for wanting the same thing you want.

Roland's young. He has plenty of time for his dreams.

Besides, he ought to apologize to me.

I'm going to bed.

Would you look in on Oliver?

Yeah, sure. Goodnight.

Roland? Uh, hi. It's me.

Would you check on Oliver and make sure everything's Okay?

Thanks.

What are you doing, Rose?

Putting our hotel back together.

‐(knock on door) ‐It's open.

Hi. I just came by to say good night, honey.

Thanks. Can we talk?

Talk? Why sure. What do you want to talk about?

Why do you hate Roland?

Oh, why, Oliver, I don't hate Roland.

We're just having a little misunderstanding, you see.

I just want what's best for this hotel.

Doesn't Roland want what's best for the hotel, too?

I mean, why wouldn't he? This is our home.

Yeah, it is, isn't it?

(knock on door)

Hey, Oliver.

Oh, I'm sorry. I just came to say good night.

Well, aren't you gonna go after him?

Yeah, yeah. I know when I'm licked.

Roland...

Come over here.

What? You want me to check with you if I want to say good night to Oliver now?

‐(sighs) ‐Blanche, look, I'm his foster parent.

I think I should be allowed to say good night to him.

Roland, I'm gonna make this short.

You certainly do know a lot about the hotel business.

So why don't you continue doing what you were doing

before I started my little reign of terror.

That's it?

What do you mean, that's it?

I don't even rate an apology?

That was my apology.

‐Excuse me. ‐No, no, no.

That was, "I may have been a little bit wrong,

but now that things are falling apart at the hotel,

could you please go back to running it, Roland."

‐Pardon me. You're just being ‐over‐sensitive.

‐Could I get some ice, please? ‐Aw, geez!

I overreacted, didn't I?

I'm sorry. I know sometimes that I can come off a little, um...

A little weird? Yeah, you come off weird, man.

Look, just try talking to people and don't yell all the time.

That's some good advice.

‐Lady, can I give you some? ‐Uh, yeah.

Come here!

Everybody needs to be needed.

Why don't you just tell him that you need him.

Do it!

‐I need you. ‐I need you, too.

‐Sweet dreams. ‐Aah!

(gasps)

Oh!

‐Oh! You were just great. ‐No. You were better.

No. Listen, I meant what I said.

I think maybe in my quest to make this hotel work,

I sometimes forget to tell the people around me how much I need them.

But I do need you, Roland, and I apologize.

Oh, I accept. Thank you,

‐And I apologize, too. ‐Okay.

‐Okay. ‐Okay.

(chuckles) And I'm really glad

you stopped by to tell Oliver good night.

I have to admit, I was a little scared.

Oh, there's nothing to be scared about.

Gordon: Ice headache! Aah! Ice headache!

Run! Run this way! Run!

Oh!

(chuckles) Look who's up.

Good afternoon, sleepyhead.

How's that sugar hangover?

Dry up, you round‐heeled mattress queen.

What a Zip‐a‐Dee‐ Doo‐Dah day!

Good afternoon, Sophia.

I'm gonna hurl.

Hurry up! The Barbara Legrand Show's coming on.

Don't you want to see our guest?

Oh, yeah. That poor, poor man.

You know, he was kind of sad when you think of it.

And welcome. Today's topic, "Men who kill and are set free."

Just look at him. That poor sad scared thing.

My first guest is from the Gainesville prison for the criminally insane.

Head psychiatrist Dr. Gordon M. Cosay.

Do you believe that? He's a psychiatrist.

Well, I guess I didn't make such a stupid mistake after all.

Gordon: You know, Barbara, murderers need a stress‐free environment.

So I just want to say to all the killers on the panel,

if you're looking for a place to relax,

I highly recommend the Golden Palace.

Guests at the Barbara Legrand Show stay at the lovely Golden Palace Hotel

and on tomorrow's show, "midnight shame,"

adults who wet their beds.

There's something we're used to, huh, babe?