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Officer Carmichael reporting.

Traffic department, badge number 8715,

district nine, 21st precinct, division seven,

vehicle number 12, unit 11-A, women's auxiliary.

Can't you just say hi like everybody else?

- Hi. - Hi.

Oh, Captain, w-wait till you see my batch of tickets.

I gave seven tickets to drivers for overtime parking,

two jaywalkers, one fellow for being parked in a loading zone

and one fellow for being loaded in a parking zone.

My, you've been a busy little bee, haven't you?

Yes, sir, and I'm not finished yet.

I just came back to get some more chalk from you.

The chalk is in the stockroom.

Oh, yes, sir.

And Officer Carmichael...

Yes, sir.

We don't salute around here.

Oh, well, I guess it's an old habit.

I used to be a WAC.

Used to be?

Captain Bradford.

Yes, Baker?

I've been studying these reports

- on the Lovers' Lane holdups. - Yeah?

I think this Green Scarf Bandit

has been just hanging around up there waiting for easy pickings.

So why don't we set a trap for him.

Oh, a stakeout, huh?

Yeah. I'll take one of the girls from the department.

We'll pretend we're sweethearts.

Hey, that's a good idea, Baker, but our policewomen...

They don't look like the type you'd find at Lovers' Lane.

Well, if we find the right girl, I'm ready to go.

You know, this-this Lovers' Lane stakeout

calls for the kind of a chick who looks a little bit kooky.

Officer Carmichael.

Yes, sir.

I think we hit the jackpot.

You come here.

Yes, sir.

You've been a real eager beaver around here.

Now, how would you like to do some real police work?

Oh, yes.

What? When? Where?

We're setting a trap to catch a crook.

We call him Green Scarf Louie,

because he always covers his face with one.

Oh.

With one what?

A green scarf.

Oh.

Detective Baker wants you to go to Lovers' Lane

with him tonight and act like you're sweethearts.

- Sweethearts? - Uh-huh.

Well, I don't, I-I don't know, sir.

I-I have an appointment to play bridge tonight.

I'm sorry, Detective Baker.

Oh, I'm not Baker.

- I'm Baker. - Oh, how do you do?

You see, every Monday...

I just remembered, I don't even know how to play bridge.

I-I may be able to go, sir.

Well, make up your mind, Officer Carmichael.

The answer is yes. I'll go.

As long as it's in the line of duty, sir.

Fine.

I'll pick you up at 8:00 tonight.

Officer Carmichael.

Uh, yes, sir?

I want you to understand

that this is very confidential police business.

Oh, yes, sir, yes, sir.

Now, you're not to discuss this with anyone.

Not anyone.

Where do you live?

I'm sorry, sir,

I'm not permitted to discuss that with anyone.

Oh, you can discuss it with him.

Oh.

Oh, I live at, uh, 132 Post Road.

Good.

What's your telephone number?

- My phone number? - Mm-hmm.

Uh...

Don't you know your own phone number?

It's been so long since anyone's asked for it.

Uh, I know it's three long rings...

Uh, Viv, I-I think you'd better go upstairs.

Why?

Well, I just don't want you here when he comes, that's all.

Oh, you can't stand the competition, huh?

Oh, come on now, Viv.

All right, I'll go, but before I do,

I'm going to ask you for the very last time... who is he?

I can't tell you.

Oh, come on now, can't you just give me one little hint?

All right. I met him today at work,

and no more questions.

- He's a policeman? - No.

Uh, no, I-I don't know what he is.

Now, you said you met him at work.

Uh, well, uh, yeah, I-I gave him a traffic ticket, and,

and while I was taking his name and address,

he asked for my name and address,

and well, that's the way Niagara falls.

There he is.

Go on upstairs.

- Okay. - Go on now.

- All right, Vivian. - Oh, now, Lucy...

- No eavesdropping. - Oh, come on now.

I just want to see what he looks like.

You get upstairs.

If I just saw what he looked like, then I would go upstairs.

Go on, hurry up.

Come in. Now go on.

Well, hello.

Hello.

Is Officer Carmichael in?

What?

Well, well, it's you.

I didn't recognize you.

Oh, you didn't?

Somehow, when you're out of your police uniform,

you look a lot, uh... bigger.

Bigger?

Uh, taller.

- It-it must be those high heels. - Yeah.

You see, down at the police station,

I just kind of think of you as one of the boys.

Oh.

Well, Detective Baker,

I hope I handle this assignment correctly.

Lucy.

What is it, Viv?

I want a drink of water.

Now, Vivian, there's water upstairs.

I want a drink of cold water.

All right, come on down.

Every time I have company.

Oh, my brother's little girl is just like that, too.

You want to bet?

Oh, hello.

Why, I didn't know you had company.

Mr. Baker, this is my friend Mrs. Bagley.

How do you do?

Well, how do you do?

Oh, how do you do?

Lucy's told me all about you.

She has?

I told her that I met you when I gave you a parking ticket.

Oh, yes, that's right. Yes, that's right.

We met when she arrested me.

Oh, well, lots of romances start with a pinch.

Vivian!

Uh, I hope you have a nice time tonight, wherever you're going.

We'll probably just go for a drive.

You certainly picked a lovely evening for it.

Mm-hmm.

Spring is in the air and the moon is in the sky.

And the water's in the kitchen.

- Excuse me. - Certainly.

We'll excuse you, Vivian.

Well, you, uh, you told her about me, huh?

No, no, of course I didn't.

Captain Bradford said not to discuss it with anyone.

- Now, that's very good. - Thank you.

Now shall we get going and do our duty?

Yes.

Oh, but, uh, first, I have something for you.

Real diamonds?

Real diamonds.

And platinum mink?

Bait.

Bait?

For Green Scarf Louie.

Oh.

Well, you sure set a nice trap.

These are beautiful.

Don't get too fond of them.

They're police property

and you've got to be very careful of them.

- Yes, sir. - All right, let's go.

Well, uh, I just want to powder my nose.

I'll be right out.

Fine. I'll wait for you in the car.

Okay.

Relax, Mrs. Carmichael.

Relax?

Just don't be so nervous.

Pretend you're on a date.

Pretend I'm on a date?

I guess I'm just a little out of practice.

I mean, I've never dated a policeman before.

Neither have I.

Hey, now, now, take it easy.

Will you take it easy, please?

Now keep it down.

You don't want to scare him off.

Okay.

Just act natural.

Snuggle up to me.

What?

Snuggle up to me.

Why?

We're supposed to be sweethearts.

Snuggle up to me.

There, that's better.

We just have to sit here and wait.

Okay.

That's good.

All right.

Uh, down at headquarters I heard you, uh, you got a medal.

- That's right. - What was it for?

Service beyond the line of duty.

On an assignment like this?

No.

No, I handcuffed a burglar to myself

while he had a gun on me.

Couldn't he have killed you?

Before he could react,

I tossed the key to the handcuff out the window.

Oh, Bill, you shouldn't take such chances.

How far could he get with a detective handcuffed to him?

Oh, I see.

What's the big idea?

What's the matter with you?

That was nothing personal.

I just thought I saw Green Scarf Louie.

Oh.

Now, Officer Carmichael,

let's get this straight once and for all.

If I kiss you, if I hug you,

it is only because I don't want us to look suspicious.

- All right. - It's all in a day's work.

Okay, okay.

Come on, come on.

Gee.

That's good.

Get comfortable. That's fine.

Okay.

Say, doesn't your wife object to you

going on assignments like this?

I'm not married.

Oh?

They only send bachelors out on assignments like this.

Oh, yeah.

Uh-oh. Excuse me just a moment.

What you gonna do?

Got to call headquarters.

Uh, calling headquarters. Calling headquarters.

Uh, this is Baker on the Paradise Grove stakeout.

This is headquarters.

Captain Bradford speaking.

Go ahead, Baker.

Uh, Chief, I'm leaving my switch open,

so, uh, keep a monitor listening in at all times.

If you happen to hear me make contact with the suspect,

throw a roadblock on Paradise Grove.

Check. Over and out.

Uh, roger.

Well, all we can do now is wait and hope.

There we go.

Well, if Green Scarf Louie works on schedule,

he should be sticking us up any minute.

- Any minute? - Any minute.

What was that?! What was that?!

What is that?!

- Lucy! - What?!

Lucy, Lucy, you stepped on the siren button!

Oh! I'm sorry.

Hello. Hello, Chief.

Chief, this is Baker.

Please ignore that.

It was just an accident.

I heard it.

Oh, that wrecks it!

Look, if he was here, he certainly isn't here now.

Well, I'm sorry.

Oh, boy.

All this time and effort wasted.

- I said I'm sorry, Bill. - Yeah, I know.

So am I. I hate to fall down on an assignment like this.

Oh, no.

Well, I'll just take you home.

Oh, well, well, we'll try it again tomorrow night, huh, Bill?

I don't think so.

Why not?

He'll never come back up here

now he knows there's a police stakeout.

Well, now, Bill... Bill, that-that's where you're wrong.

If he thinks that we think that he won't be back,

then he'll think that since we think he won't be back,

that we won't come back.

And if he thinks we won't come back

because we think he won't come back,

then I think he'll come back because, uh,

I think that's the way he thinks. What do you think?

I think you're nuts!

I think so, too.

Oh, I'm just not going to wear that thing.

Oh, now, Viv, you've got to wear this green scarf

- over your face. - Why?

That's why they call him Green Scarf Louie.

Well, this whole thing is ridiculous.

Oh, please, Viv. It took me an hour to...

to talk Bill into trying another stakeout.

Now, you've got to help.

Well...

Now, I have a feeling that Green Scarf Louie

will come back eventually,

and if Bill thinks that he sees him tonight,

he'll continue the stakeouts, and he'll catch him.

- What if he catches me? - Oh, he won't, Viv.

All you have to do is give me a signal,

peek up from behind a rock, and then go on home.

Well, all right.

Thank you.

What kind of a signal?

Well, can you make a noise like a cricket?

I am not rubbing my hind legs together for anybody.

All right.

Can you make a noise like an owl?

Oh, I think I can do a little thing like that.

All right.

Now, do you know how to get to Lovers' Lane?

Do I know how to get to Lovers' Lane?

Before Ralph and I were married,

we spent our happiest hours up there.

Really?

Yeah, but that's before Ralph and I met each other.

Oh, really?

Oh, gee, what a beautiful night.

I just love moonlight and flowers

and crickets and frogs and...

Tell me, do you like to dance?

Yes. Why?

I was just thinking

about the policemen's ball this Saturday night.

You were?

Yeah.

Would you like to go?

I sure would.

Fine.

Here are two tickets.

You're giving me two tickets?

Yeah, I bowl on Saturday nights.

Oh.

Well, I think we ought to call off this stakeout.

Oh, now, Bill, Bill, I just know

that Green Scarf Louie is around here someplace.

How do you know?

A woman's intuition.

Now, believe me, he's around here someplace.

Bill. Bill.

Bill, I just saw Green Scarf Louie

over behind that rock.

All right. Let's play it cool.

Into position.

That's right.

Relax.

You're right.

It's the bandit.

What bandit?

What bandit are you talking about?

You just stay right here.

Where you going?

Oh, Bill, you're supposed to stay here.

He's supposed to come to me.

- Remember? - I know, but I think I can sneak up on him

and take him from behind.

- Sneak up and take him from behind? - Yes.

Oh, don't shoot her... uh, him.

No, I-I... I-I can't stand the noise.

Now, look, will you please sit down there and be quiet, Lucy?

Yes, sir.

Oh, Vivian!

For heaven's sake, what are you doing here?

I told you to go on home. He's out there looking for you.

Oh, put that gun down.

For heaven's sake.

I might know you'd be a big ham and have to go overboard.

Now, go on home.

Oh, shut up, lady, and nobody will get hurt.

- What? - Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up! One peep, and I'll clobber you

quicker than you can say, "Jack Robinson."

Jack who?

I mean...

I told you not one peep!

- Uh, it's not a peep. - It's a...

Shut up!

- Aah! - Give me that fur.

- Hand over that bracelet. - Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Bill! Bill!

- What? What is it? - Bill!

- What's the matter, Lucy? - Bill!

- What's the matter? - He was here.

- He was here. - Who was here?

- The man with the green thing. - What?!

He got...

Bill...

Hello. This is Baker calling headquarters.

Baker calling headquarters.

This is headquarters. Go ahead, Baker.

Yeah, Chief, the Green Scarf Bandit

just made another heist,

but I think he's still in the vicinity of Paradise Grove.

Tell him he's got a green scarf over his face

and he wears a wrench...

a trench coat, and he has a black hat.

They already know that, Lucy.

Oh. Well, do they know that-that he got the mink stole

and the diamond bracelet?

What?

I-I couldn't help it! He had a gun on me!

Officer Carmichael, those items

cost the taxpayers a small fortune.

Do you realize you might be kicked out of the police force?

And he means out.

Well, here I am... In Lovers' Lane with a girl.

Shh!

Oh, I don't know how I ever let you talk me into this.

- Let's get out of here, Lucy. - No.

If I don't capture Green Scarf Louie,

I'm out of a job. I told you that.

And what about the spot you're going to be in

when you tell Mr. Mooney that you bought a mink stole

and a diamond bracelet on the installment plan?

After I get the bandit, I'll return the stuff to the store.

How do you even know he'll show up?

It's just a hunch.

It's a shot in the dark.

Huh.

We may both get shot in the dark.

Come on, Lucy.

- Let's go, huh? - No. No.

Now, there's nothing to worry about.

Last night, he stuck a gun in your ribs,

and I'm the target for tonight.

Yeah, but tonight, I'm ready for him.

Handcuffs!

Yeah.

What good are these if he's got a gun?

Well... I'll show you.

Now, uh, make believe you've got a gun,

and stick me up.

- Oh, no. - Come on, now, Viv.

- Do what I ask you. - I don't want to.

Come on. Do what I ask you and stick me up.

Now, come on. I'll show you.

Stick 'em up!

Got you.

Well, what do you know?

That's really clever.

You bet it's clever.

Hey, but couldn't the burglar shoot you?

The minute I snap the cuffs on,

I show him the key and throw the key away.

Lucy, you're absolutely wonderful.

Just wonderful.

Just routine police work. That's all.

Well, let's get the key now

and get this San Quentin charm bracelet off.

Okay.

My arm's through the steering wheel.

What?!

Look at it. It's through the steering wheel.

You're kidding.

Oh, there it is.

How could you do a stupid thing like that?

I don't know how I could do a stupid thing like that,

to tell you the truth.

- Oh, for heaven's sake. - I said, "Stick 'em up."

Oh, well, now...

Oh, Vivian.

Honestly.

What are we going to do now?

Why don't you take the steering wheel off?

Hey, that's a good idea.

Yeah.

Oh, no! No!

Well, this is the easiest setup I ever had.

Oh, no...

Now, hand over that bracelet.

Oh, no, no. No, you don't want to take

- that fur and this bracelet. - Why not?

Oh, you'll have to keep up the payments on them.

Oh, give me it!

Oh, you... you-you... you really should take the...

- Aah! Oh. - Oh.

- If-if... - Oh, oh!

It's you again!

What are you made up for?

I'm Officer Carmichael from the police department.

Well, now, you just keep right on working for 'em, dearie,

and I'll be a millionaire.

I'll see you tomorrow night... Same time, same place.

Oh, uh, and don't be late.

No.

I'll take that. You stand still.

Keep him covered.

Ah, Bill.

Bill, what are you doing here?

We had a stakeout in another car.

- You had a stakeout with another girl? - Yeah.

I...

Oh, well, not exactly.

You, uh, remember Detective Murdock.

How are you?

All right, you take care of him, Fred.

Oh, boy.

We decided that this stakeout

was a little dangerous for a girl.

I'm not a girl. I am Officer Carmichael.

You're right.

You're a pretty good cop.

Thank you.

And so are you, Bill.

Thanks.

Oh, uh, by the way,

my bowling game is off Saturday night

if you don't have a date for the policemen's ball.

Oh, I'd love to go.

Uh, have you got a friend for me?

How about me?

You keep quiet!

I've got a couple of tickets if you'd like to go with me.

I'd love to, if you'll let me borrow your dress.

All right, come on. Let's get moving.

- Get him out of here. - On your way. Go on.

- Oh, by the way, Officer Carmichael. - Yes, Bill?

I'm going to see to it that you get credit for this arrest.

Oh, thank you.

- Thank you. Bye, Bill. - Good-bye, Bill.

See you Saturday night.

Oh, boy.

Did you hear that, Viv?

This will be a feather in my cap.

Good. It'll match that feather brain of yours.

What do you mean, my feather brain?

You let him get away without unlocking these handcuffs.

Bill! Bill!

Hey, Bill!

What was that? Thunder?

I didn't hear anything.

- Oh, it's going to rain. - Bill.

It wouldn't dare rain.

- Bill! - Bill!

Hey, Bill!

Oh, no!

Bill!

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