All language subtitles for Lucy Show S03E05 Lucy and the Great Bank Robbery.SP.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.CBS

It's...

Brought to you by Log Cabin.

The syrup with
real maple flavor.

From General Foods.

Why, Viv, you look
perfectly radiant this morning.

I can't get over it, Viv.
You're positively beautiful.

I don't even have
my makeup on yet.

Well, you shouldn't wear makeup.

You have a rare natural beauty.

Are you serious?

I was never more
serious in my life.

By the way, dear,
your rent's due today.

I don't have it.

Go fix your face; you're a mess.

Do you realize

that you're three months
behind in your rent?

Do you realize that Ralph

is three months
behind with my alimony?

So? I'm hooked for the rent.

Well, I haven't got it.

What do you want me to
do, go out and rob a bank?

No, I don't want you to go out

and rob a bank.

With that pittance
that Ralph gives you,

the least he could
do is pay it on time.

Yeah, that's the
least he could do.

But Ralph feels
that paying alimony

is like feeding oats
to a dead horse.

And no cracks.

Hey, listen to this.

"Danfield, open your doors.

"Due to the tremendous influx

"of tourists visiting
the World's Fair,

"residents of
surrounding communities

"are being urged to
rent out rooms to people

who cannot get accommodations
in New York City."

So?

So, I could rent out a
room and get off the hook.

Whose room do you have in mind?

And oh, no, you don't.

Oh, why not?

You can use my
room. We'll double up.

Do I have an alternative?

Well, now, look, Viv,
I'm not going to insist.

- I'll leave it up to you.
- Thanks.

Either you move in with
me or sleep in the garage.

Well?

I'll move in with you.

Good girl. Now,
we'll tack up notices

in every store in Danfield.

Help me write an ad.

Dreadfully drab,
even for a bank.

It does look drab,

but it also looks
like a pushover.

Yes.

If I'd known this country's
financial institutions

looked this hideous, I'd
have bypassed bank robbery

for something more aesthetic

like, like stealing
famous works of art.

Imagine pilfering a Picasso.

Perhaps after this job,

we can try one of
those drive-in banks.

We'd avoid all this ugliness

and we wouldn't even
have to get out of the car.

Just honk the horn.

Yes. A splendid idea.

Just toot for the
loot and scoot.

However, first things first.

Now, we'll need a few days here
to observe this bank's procedure

before we determine what
method we can best employ.

Yes. Well, I'd better
check for the combination.

Good morning.

Hold it, hold it, hold it,
hold it, hold it, hold it.

Hold it, Mrs. Carmichael.

Oh, hi, Mr. Mooney.

This bulletin board is for
official bank business only.

Oh, but Mr. Mooney, our town
council says it's our civic duty

to try and provide
accommodations

for World's Fair visitors.

And I just want them to know
that I have a room for rent.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Carmichael.

Oh, Mr. Mooney, you
must have some civic pride.

Hold it!

Oh!

Leave that bulletin board alone.

Oh.

I beg your pardon.
Excuse me, ma'am.

We're here in the East
to visit the World's Fair.

But we-we are unable
to find accommodations.

I wonder if you know of any
rooms for rent here in town.

Well, you may not believe
this, but I have a room for rent.

- Oh.
- No, really?

- Yes.
- Well, this is our lucky day.

We'll take it.

Wonderful.

My name is Carter Harrison.

- Well, how do you do?
- How do you do?

And this is my associate.

Gordon Bentley.

How do you do, Mr. Bentley?

It's very nice to know
you. I'm Lucy Carmichael.

Well, it's a pleasure to have
such a charming landlady.

Well, thank you.

Oh, would you excuse
me just for a moment?

Happy New Year!

Come along, gentlemen.

Jerry, will you
turn off that radio

and finish your breakfast?

What's the matter, Mom,
don't you like music?

Not that junk.

I like longhair music.

That was longhair music.

That?

It was The Beatles!

Say, where are the
two new boarders?

Oh, they said they
were going to sleep

a little late this morning.

Oh, I don't blame them.

Tramping around
that fair all day

and half the night
must be exhausting.

- Yeah.
- Are you finished, kids?

- Yeah.
- Come on, I'll take you to school.

- Okay.
- Bye, Aunt Lucy.

Bye-bye. Give me
a kiss, sweetheart.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

Lucy, I'll be
gone a little while.

- I have some shopping to do.
- Okay.

Say, will you let me
have five dollars?

Five dollars?!

Come on, now, you
got all that money

you got from your new boarders.

What did you do
with the five dollars

I gave you a couple of days ago?

Oh, I had a mad fling.

- Here you are.
- Thank you.

I'll send you a
postcard from Paris.

Oh, go on.

- Well, good morning, Mr. Harrison.
- Good morning.

- Good morning, good morning.
- Good morning, Mr. Bentley.

Well, are you giving the
fair another whirl today,

or are you going
to take the day off?

Oh, no, no, no, we
are going back there

directly after breakfast.

Oh, well, I'll have
it ready in a jiffy.

- Thanks so much.
- Oh, thanks.

Well, old boy, the
weatherman says

we'll have a beautiful
day for robbing the bank.

Good for him.

Oh, I agree.

Oh, did you compose the note

for me to stick under
the teller's nose?

Yes, yes, I've got it here.

I think I have.

Yes, yes, yes.

"" Tis brief this
meeting, we admit,

"but alas we dare not tarry.

"So quickly hand
thy money forth,

for this is cash and carry."

- Oh, that's brilliant.
- Yes.

- Really it is, it is.
- Thank you.

No wonder you're known
as the "Bard of the Bandits."

Oh, say, shall we, uh...

shall we take our
briefcases to carry the loot?

No, no, no. I think this is more
of a shopping bag community.

Besides, shopping
bags hold more money.

Uh-huh.

This is the part I
hate... Waiting in line.

Patience, old boy.

Every occupation
has its pitfalls.

Now, remember, Gordon,

a cheery smile, lots of teeth.

Charming.

Oh, thank you very much.

Oh, pardon me, pardon me,
but I just have to cash a check.

It'll only take...

Oh, hi, fellas.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Oh, I'm sorry. This
will only take a minute.

Would you hold
this for me, please?

Yes, sure.

Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't...

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

May I use your
shopping bag, please?

Sorry. Here we are.

Oh, that's so awful.

I told them they were
putting too much in that bag.

Say, what are you fellas
doing here, anyway?

Oh, we... came to
open an account.

Oh, well, in that case, I can be

of very good service
to you, you see,

because the president
is a friend of mine.

Yes, Mr. Mooney.

Come over, and I'll
introduce him to you,

and I'll give you a very
good character reference.

Come on.

Well, tomorrow is another day.

Stop worrying, old boy.

Our lady buttinski's
gone to the beauty parlor.

We're perfectly safe.

Well, how can you be
sure that we're safe?

Oh, to get her hair that color
must take at least half a day.

Ready?

Oh, boy, did I save your lives.

I was sitting across the
street under the dryer,

and I looked over here
and your car's parked

in front of the bank
in a no-parking zone.

And not only that, but
you had the motor running.

Here, I turned it off for you.

Thanks a lot.

Now, you just better get
out there and move that car

before they cart
you away to jail.

That policeman is working
his way up the street.

Thank you for helping
us, Mrs. Carmichael.

Oh, anytime, anytime at all.

Glad to be of help.

Hi, Mr. Mooney!

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow's Saturday.

Tonight... when she's asleep.

Oh, good.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Oh, it'll be a relief
to only worry about

burglar alarms, the
police and the FBI.

Come on, come on.

It's all right, we're safe.

Isn't this beautiful?

Oh, Gordon, you were wonderful.

Absolutely magnificent.

Yes, the way you manipulated
the combination on that safe.

Well, that's very
kind of you to say that.

Do you realize they won't
discover this money's missing

until the bank opens Monday?

We'll have two full
days to get out of town.

Wonderful.

Oh, well, if that's the case,
let's stay here till Sunday

and really go out and
see the World's Fair.

It's a shame to miss
it, since we're so close.

Why not?

Money's only
good for two things:

stealing and spending.

Where will we stash it?

I... I got an idea.

We'll just stuff our little
fortune into this mattress,

turn it over and nobody
will ever notice it.

Huh?

Not only a good idea,
but a functional one.

This mattress could
use some stuffing.

Give me your knife.

Uh, Viv.

Oh, Viv, would you
come up and help me?

She's down in the kitchen
doing the breakfast dishes.

Oh. Jerry, Sherman.

They went to the drugstore

to get some batteries
for Jerry's radio.

Chris.

I'm not here either.

Come on, Chris.

Oh, I've got go.

Cynthia's waiting
for me out front.

Come on, honey, now,
you can leave in a minute.

I want you to help
me turn the mattress.

Come on, get over there.

- I want it to go this way.
- Okay.

Now be careful.

Be careful of the picture.

Ooh! Gee!

I can't understand it.

It feels like it's
stuffed with cement

instead of horsehair.

Oh, how could it get so lumpy?!

Looks like they
left the horse in it.

Poor Aunt Viv.

No wonder she always
complains about her mattress.

Yeah, it's even
lumpier than she is.

I'll smooth it out.
You run along, dear.

Okay. See you later, Mom.

Okay, dear.

Oh, Viv, dear.

Could you come up here a minute?

Oh, I just made some hot coffee.

You come on down.

Okay...

Mrs. J.P. Morgan.

What are you reading,
Viv, the Danfield Tribune

or the Financial Journal?

Any good buys in the market?

Well, Oscar the butcher
has a special on rump roast.

You know, I've always
suspected you had a little nest egg,

but you got enough
for an omelet.

What are you talking about?

How did you amass
your fortune, dear?

Oil wells, gold mines
or playing the horses?

Now, Lucy, you
know I'm flat broke.

Oh, come off it, Viv.

I just found
thousands of dollars

you hid in your mattress.

I knew it.

All those henna rinses
have finally pickled your brain.

And to think, with all that
money you have upstairs,

you can't even pay your rent!

Oh, what money are
you talking about?!

You're nothing but a
penny-pinching cheapskate!

I've never been so
confused in all my life!

You've never been so
loaded in your life either!

Is there really money
upstairs in my mattress?

Yes, thousands!

Well, this I gotta see.

Why do you keep
denying it, Viv?!

It's no crime to be rich!

Hi, Aunt Lucy.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi.

See, Mom, it's all fixed.

Yeah, it sounds
just as bad as ever.

Aunt Lucy, can we have a cookie?

Yeah, you can have a cookie.

We interrupt this program

to bring you a
special news bulletin.

Theodore J. Mooney, president
of the Danfield National Bank

reports the theft of $8,500
from the bank's safe.

Apparently, the money was
stolen sometime last night.

Normally, the loss would

not have been
discovered until Monday,

but Mooney appeared
at his desk this morning,

having forgotten
today is Saturday.

Oh, so that's where she got it.

Who? What?

Uh, oh, oh, nothing, dear.

Oh, you poor kid.

Mom, is something wrong?

No. No, everything's
gonna be all right.

Is it all right if we go down to
the Y and shoot some baskets?

Yeah, yeah, all right. Go along.

Will you tell my mom where I am?

Yeah, I'll tell her.

Lucy, do you know
there's over $8,000 here?

$8,500.

Wow!

Oh, Viv, you
shouldn't have done it.

Done what?

Oh, boy, you're the coolest
customer since Ma Barker!

Will you stop acting like a
mystery guest and tell me

just what you're talking about?

I just heard it
on the radio, Viv.

The Danfield bank was
robbed of $8,500 last night.

The Danfield bank was robbed?

As if you didn't know.

Hold it. Hold it.

You mean to tell me
that you think that I rob...

That you...?

Oh, boy, that's a hot one.

You shouldn't have, Viv.

I would have
waited for the rent.

Lucy...

I certainly hate
to disappoint you,

but I did not rob the bank.

You and I played gin
rummy last night till midnight.

Then we went up to your room
and went to bed, remember?

Well, then how did all that
money get in your mattress?

Well, maybe it was put
there by the tooth fairy.

I don't even sleep
in that bed anymore.

Remember that?

Why don't you accuse the
people who are sleeping here,

your two very fancy boarders,
your two... your boar...

The boar... the
boar... The boarders.

My gosh, they're crooks!

Oh, Lucille, and they
looked like perfect gentlemen.

Oh, they're the worst kind!

Oh! We gotta get out of here!

If they catch us here
with their money,

they'll kill us in cold blood.

- They would kill us, Lucille, believe me!
- Now, don't panic.

- Don't panic! Viv! Viv!
- People who'll do a thing like that

- would absolutely kill us!
- Viv, Viv, Viv, Viv!

- Now, don't panic!
- What do we do? What do we do?

They're spending the
whole day at the fair.

- Yeah? What do we do, huh?
- Now, just take it easy.

- Now, let me think.
- Yeah, think.

- We'll call Mr. Mooney at the bank.
- Yeah.

We'll tell him that we
solved his little bank robbery.

Yeah?

And we'll have him come
over and pick up the money.

Oh.

Oh, and maybe we'll
get a nice fat reward.

Oh, I'm gonna take mine
before that skinflint gets here.

Hello! Hello!

Mr. Mooney, this
is Lucy Carmichael.

You've got to come
over here right away.

I've got the stolen money.

I've been waiting for your call.

You were?

Yes, every other
crackpot in town has called.

You were the only
one that was missing.

Mr. Mooney, I am not a crackpot!

Oh? Oh, where did
you find the money?

Stuffed in Vivian's mattress.

Oh, that's the best one yet.

You win the crackpot jackpot.

Mr. Mooney, if you don't believe
me, I'll bring the money to you.

I'll be right over.

I can hardly wait.

I'll show him who's a crackpot.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What?

- Lucy...
- What?

They're driving up
in front of the house.

- Who is?
- Your two crooked boarders.

Oh, dear, we gotta
get this money

out of here without
them seeing it.

How are we gonna get
all that money out of here?

You go down and stall 'em.

Yeah? What are you gonna do?

How you gonna get
all, all the money...?

Oh, Lucy, that'll never work.

You can't get all of
that money in there.

Don't worry, Viv, these
stretch pants are gonna stretch

farther than they've
ever stretched before.

Go down and stall 'em!

- Stall 'em.
- Hurry up!

Stall 'em.

Oh, hi, fell... Oh, hi!

Got home a little
early, didn't you?

Well, Saturday at the
World's Fair was impossible.

- It was jam-packed.
- Oh.

Anyway, we've seen
enough of the fair,

so instead of
waiting for tonight,

we've decided to go right now.

Yes, so if you'll excuse us,

we have quite a
bit of packing to do.

Oh, I wouldn't go
now, if I were you.

I'd wait till tonight.

Oh, getting out of
Danfield this afternoon

would just be murder.

I-I mean, impossible.

I see. Well, we'll just
have to take our chances.

Excuse me.

Oh, if I were you,
I would wait until...

What the, what the...?

Hi, fellas.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Why, Mrs. Carmichael,
what has happened to you?

Uh, oh, it's, uh,
it's-it's an old allergy.

Every time I eat
hearts of lettuce,

I get, uh, grepsophilia.

Yeah, I-I break out in lumps.

Strange you only break
out from the waist down.

Yeah, well, that's
grepsophilia for you.

Uh, uh, this is what happens
when I eat lettuce hearts.

You see, when I eat a head
of lettuce, I get a lumpy head.

Oh! The pain! The
itching is driving me crazy!

Viv, you've got to drive me
to the doctor's right away.

Oh, yeah, I'll get the
car out of the garage.

It'd be faster if we took you.

Oh, no, don't bother, no.

- Our car's right in front.
- Go get the car, Viv!

I'm going to get the car!

In your condition, in your
condition, every minute counts.

- Now, come on.
- Oh, yes, come on. Come on.

Oh, don't bother, don't
bother. No, hold it! Hold it!

I'm not gonna be
able to make it.

I think, I think we better have
the doctor come over here.

- All right.
- Call the doctor. His number's 1166.

- 1166.
- Yeah.

No, no, that's
the police station.

I know that!

Th-That's where the
doctor is every, uh, Saturday.

Saturday afternoon. Oh,
yeah, oh, he's always there.

Yeah, he gives the department
their weekly checkups.

The-The chief is a
physical fitness nut.

Viv!

- Use the kitchen phone!
- Why?

So the doctor will be able
to hear over all the noise.

What noise?

Oh, that noise. Oh!

Wouldn't you, wouldn't you be
more comfortable sitting down?

I don't know.

Sit here.

Now, take it easy. Take it easy.

Don't-Don't hurry.

There. There.

Now, you stay with
Mrs. Carmichael,

and I'll go up and pack.

Oh, no, don't leave me!

I shall be here.

Yeah, well, I need both of you.

W-When I really
start to scratch,

it takes two men
to hold me down.

They'll be right, he'll...

Uh, the doctor
will be right here.

Yeah. Oh, I think I'd be
more comfortable standing up.

- Oh, yeah, come on.
- Yeah, help.

- Oh, there you are.
- Oh, my.

Oh, dear.

Lucy, Lucy.

What?

Yes, lettuce really does
give you lumps, doesn't it?

Oh, yes.

Yes, but that lettuce
happens to be ours,

all 8,500 leaves of it.

Give it to me!

Run, Lucy!

Hey, hey!

Oh, let go of me, will ya?!

Stop, thief!

Stop that!

You stay right there!

Give us that money!

In the closet, in
the closet, Lucy.

There.

Oh, now, wait a minute!

Back, back, back,
you dirty thieves!

Down, down, down! Sit down!

There they are! There
they are! There they are!

I didn't do it! I'm...

They're the ones!

They're the ones that
took the money! Oh!

They're the ones!
They're the ones that...

W-Where's the rest of my money?!

Oh, just a minute, Mr. Mooney.

- Yeah?
- Oh!

Hi, Mr. Mooney.

Hi. Where's the
rest of my money?

I'm wearing it.

No bank ever had
branches like that.

Has been brought to you by

Jell-O pudding and pie filling,

Dream Whip,

and Log Cabin syrup.

All fine products
from General Foods.