Original subtitles

It's...

Brought to you by new Lux Liquid with Dermasil.

To improve the appearance of your hands while you do dishes.

Now, our next, uh, talent discoverer is a lady:

Mrs. Lucy Carmichael.

Mrs. Carmichael?

Won't you sit down?

Now, tell us something about yourself, Mrs. Carmichael.

Uh...

I'm a housewife

- and I have two children! - No, no. Sorry.

It's not necessary to get that close to the microphone.

- Oh. - Just sit right here

and we'll talk normally, all right?

Oh.

Now, uh, tell us about this new talent you discovered.

Well, I, uh...

I discovered my new talent in Mr. Krause's butcher shop.

Well, that's very unusual,

finding a star in a butcher shop.

Well, I, uh, I noticed

that whenever I went into Mr. Krause's butcher shop,

he would shake hands with all the customers

and catch frankfurters in his mouth.

Mr. Krause?

No, his dog.

Oh. Oh, I-I see.

Mr. Krause has a trained dog.

His name is Beauty, and he does so many tricks.

He can, he can walk on his front paws,

and he dances on his hind legs,

and when Mr. Krause plays the harmonica,

he howls like The Beatles.

Yes.

Mrs. Carmichael...

What?

Uh, Mrs. Carmichael, tell me,

if your Mr. Krause and his dog should win our first prize,

what do you intend to do

with your half of the hundred dollars?

Have my plumbing fixed.

Well, I-I guess that's a very practical use.

Yes. The hot water comes out of the cold water faucet,

and the cold water comes out of the hot water faucet,

and nobody ever comes out of the bathroom.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, here's another talent discovery,

Mr. Krause and his trained dog Beauty.

Now, for his first trick,

Beauty is going to shake hands with his trainer.

Go ahead, Mr. Krause.

Beauty, shake hands.

Shake hands.

Shake hands!

Uh, what's the matter, Mr. Krause, you having trouble?

Uh, maybe it's the lights and everything.

The people... It makes him feel strange.

Yes, it could. It could make him a little nervous.

Yeah, made me feel strange. I feel fine now,

but I can imagine what it's doing to the dog.

- Try it again, Mr. Krause. - Yes, I noticed you...

Yes.

Shake hands.

Shake hands!

Oh, he went through his legs!

Did you see that?! Wasn't that wonderful?

Yes, that was quite...

- Thank you very much. - Oh, wasn't that wonderful?

Thank you very much, Mrs. Carmichael.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to have a word...

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

Beauty will show how a courageous dog

can help a whole community battle crime.

Wait till you see him do this.

Yes, better be good.

Now, the dummy that they're bringing in

is supposed to be a burglar.

Now, watch how the dog attacks the burglar

at the command of his trainer.

- Go ahead, Mr. Krause. Watch this now. - Yes.

Attack the burglar.

Attack the burglar.

Get him!

Oh! The burglar!

The burglar!

The burglar, Beauty!

The burglar, Beauty!

Get him off!

Get that dog and this man and this woman out of here!

Come in!

Mrs. Carmichael?

Yeah?

If you've finished playing "The Anvil Chorus,"

would you explain the emergency

that made you drag me away from the bank?

Well, I'm having trouble with my plumbing.

Mrs. Carmichael,

any normal woman faced with that situation

would send for a plumber, not a banker!

Oh, I know that, but today,

to get a plumber, you need a banker.

I just sent for a plumber, so I need money to pay him.

Oh, I hope that's him now. Come in!

Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.

I have had such a time.

I don't know what's wrong here.

I've been trying to fix it myself.

What's the matter, lady,

haven't you ever seen a plumber before?

Do you know that you look exactly like...?

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Will you stop that already?

But you do!

Look, every place I go,

people tell me that I look exactly like him.

Yes, you do!

Yeah? Well, lookit, I'm not him!

My name is Tuttle. Harry Tuttle.

But you look... you're-you're amazingly like him!

You look enough like him to be his twin.

Look, you're paying me by the hour, see?

And I want to give you service.

I don't want to give you conversation.

Now, where's the leak, lady?

Well, it's not a leak,

uh, but the pipes are mixed up in the sink.

Well, I'll get to that right away.

You know, I didn't mean to get so mad, lady,

but you know what bugs me?

What?

Three billion people in the world,

and I gotta look like him.

Well, I should think you'd be happy

to look like Jack Benny.

He's very popular in banking circles, you know?

I've, uh, done business with him myself many times.

Oh, does he have money in your bank?

He has money in every bank.

You can say that again.

Well, let's see what's going on here.

You know, that's very unusual.

What happens if you turn on both faucets at once?

I don't know. I never tried that.

Let's see.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, Mr. Mooney, I'm sorry!

Oh, for heaven's sake!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I don't know. I've been a plumber all my life.

This is the first time I've seen anything like that.

How can anything like...?

Oh, Mr. Tuttle, turn it off!

Mr. Tuttle, turn it off!

Oh, Mr. Mooney, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, dear.

I just don't know what to say, Mr. Mooney.

I'm so sorry.

Just say good-bye.

I'm leaving.

Now, Mr. Mooney, what about the money for the bill?

Tell him to send the bill to the bank!

Gee, Mr. Tuttle, I hope you don't mind

sending your bill to the bank.

Ah, don't worry about it.

It's nothing. What's money? It's nothing.

Boy, you may look like him,

but you sure don't sound like him.

And you know, that's what makes me sorry that I look like him.

What do you mean?

His reputation.

You know that I can't go into a restaurant

and have waiters wait on me,

- because they think I'm him. - No.

Is that so?

You know, at-at the trains, the porters won't take my luggage?

You know, every time I get my shoes shined,

the boy makes me pay after each shoe.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Well, of course, I've always thought he was very funny.

There's only one thing funny about Benny:

He walks like my sister.

Well, of course, I've always enjoyed him very much.

You've enjoyed him because he hasn't ruined your life

like he's ruined mine!

What do you mean?

Tell you what I mean.

You know that I can't even get

a driver's license on account of him?

Why not?

When they give me an application,

every time I put down my age, they throw me out.

Why?

'Cause I'm really 39.

Well, you know, now that I look at you closer,

you look much younger than Jack Benny.

Thank you.

But you know why they think you both look alike?

Why?

'Cause you both have blue eyes.

Mine are bluer.

Lady, hand me that plunger, will ya, please?

Sure.

I can't get this thing to budge.

Yeah, I'm sorry I slammed it down so hard,

but that's what happens every time I get mad at him.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, lookit, a little,

a little water will loosen that up.

Yeah, be careful of those faucets.

Now, lookit, don't tell me my business.

You know, I'm a plumber; I know what I'm doing.

Oh, okay, I just...

I'll have that fixed up. Don't worry about it.

Gee, I think I see what's wrong with it right away.

I think I got it now.

Well!

I think it's all right now, lady.

Try it.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that works great now.

Gee, didn't take you long to fix it.

Yeah, I'll be back tomorrow

and check it for some more leaks.

Okay.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that plunger.

Oh, don't worry about it. How much is the bill?

Here it is.

I only charged you six dollars for my services.

Oh, well, that sounds very reasonable. Thank you.

$12 for my plunger.

$12 for an ordinary plunger?

Look, when you return it, I'll refund your money.

Oh, okay.

Well, it'll probably get loose

when the weather's a little warmer.

Well, good-bye.

Bye. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Jerry!

Yeah, Mom?

Honey, will you go out in the garage

and get that big crowbar for me?

Okay.

- Hey, Mom? - What, dear?

Can I play with this?

Yeah, go ahead.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Carmichael.

You are Jack Benny.

Now, please, don't start that again, will ya?

Oh, stop acting.

I'm not going to tell anyone.

Gee, Mr. Benny, if you wanted to become a plumber

to pick up a few extra bucks, that's your business.

Mrs. Carmichael, once and for all,

please believe me, I am not Jack Benny.

But the violin.

That's the worst blow of all.

What do you mean?

Because of Jack Benny, I'm a plumber

and not a concert violinist.

I'll give you credit for bringing back that plunger.

Thank you.

Did-Did you study to be a musician?

Are you kidding?

I was a child prodigy.

Really?

At the age of four, I made my debut at Carnegie Hall.

I can still remember that night.

While I was on the stage, I had to stand on a chair.

Oh, so the audience could see you, huh?

No, so I wouldn't trip over my curls.

As a child, I was a violin virtuoso.

But as I grew up, I began to look like him.

By the time I reached maturity, I was finished as a musician.

But I just heard you play.

You play beautifully.

I know.

That's not easy when your hands are in water all day.

I still shudder when I think of my symphonic debut

as a grown man.

- What happened? - It was at the Philharmonic.

I remember I walked to the center of the stage,

and I fell flat on my face.

You tripped over your curls?

No. I mean, the audience laughed at me

because I looked so much like him.

- Oh. - They made fun of me.

Oh, that must have been very embarrassing.

Yeah.

I'm not used to having people laugh at me.

From then on, it was the same every concert I played.

- So you had to become a plumber, huh? - Yeah.

To think that these hands have gone

from Bach, Beethoven and Brahms to sinks, sewers and cesspools.

Well, have you ever tried to change your appearance

so you don't look like him?

Yeah. Once I tried.

I tried growing a mustache.

Then I looked like Hitler.

Even that was better than looking like him.

My mother made me shave it off.

She's saving it with my curls.

Well, have you ever tried a beard?

A beard?

Yeah, you know, lots of musicians wear them.

Skitch Henderson, Mitch Miller.

Yeah, but I'm afraid I'm the nervous type.

I'm afraid with a beard, I'd be scratching all the time.

Oh, don't be silly.

Do Skitch and Mitch itch?

You know, it'd be very difficult

starting a musical career all over again.

I wouldn't know where to begin.

Hey, I would.

Did you ever see a television show

called The Talent Discoverer's Show?

Yeah. I watch it all the time.

You think I could get on it?

I think you could, yes.

Now, don't you worry about a thing.

It may take a little doing, but I'll do it.

I'll take care of all the details.

You are going to be on their next show.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

And welcome to another Talent Discoverer's Show.

Our first talent discoverer this evening

is a young lady, Miss Lucretia Carmucci.

Miss Carmucci?

Right over here, please.

Sit down.

No, I-I-I think it might be better

if you sat here in the chair, Miss Carmucci.

- Ah. - Yes.

Well, now, before you tell us

about the talent you've discovered, uh,

I wonder if you'd like to tell us a little bit about yourself.

Oh, that's a-nice.

My name is Lucretia Carmucci.

And I'm a-no marry. I no marry anybody.

What's a matter you?

I'm sorry, Miss Carmucci,

but I must say you look vaguely familiar.

How's a-that?

I said you look familiar.

Ah, you Americanos.

All a-time you give-a the girls the same old line.

"Haven't we a-met-a before someplace?"

Ah! I know nobody.

I just a-come here from Italia.

- From Italy? - Si.

Ah, paisan.

That's a-not a nice a-thing to say

in front of all these people.

Oh, but I was merely saying that it was a pleasure to meet you.

Oh, I know what a-you say, but it's the way you say it,

you little rascal.

Miss Carmucci, will you tell us

about the, uh, talent you brought?

Well, he's a-play a very nice violin.

Oh, he's a violinist?

No, he's a plumm-ber.

He's a what?

He's a plumm-ber.

Oh, a plumber, you mean, a plumber.

That's what I said... plumm-ber.

Well, what's his name?

His a-name is Harry Tootalie.

Oh, yes, it's Harry Tuttle,

ladies and gentlemen, Harry Tuttle.

Harry Tootalie... That's what I said.

Well, that's-that's very interesting.

A plumber-violinist.

Is he good?

Is he good? He's a-wonderful!

He fixed my pipes in five minutes.

No, no, no, no.

I meant as a violinist.

Oh, well, why you no give him a listen and find out, huh?

Well, fine, fine. That's very good.

Uh, what is he going to play?

He's a-gonna play a nice arrangement

of "Gypsy Airs" by Sarasate.

Oh, fine, fine.

Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Lucretia Carmucci's

talent discovery, Mr. Harry Tuttle.

Hello, Harry.

Hello, Harry. He's a nice fella... Harry.

Grazie, grazie, grazie.

How do I look?

You look wonderful. Don't be nervous.

Grazie, grazie.

Prego, prego, prego.

If you please, maestro.

Ah!

I'm not through yet!

Go on.

He's a-no finished.

Thank you very much, Mr. Tuttle.

Yes, good night.

I'm not through yet!

Come on, one more.

Here it is.

Oh, so it's you again!

I thought you looked familiar.

Now, you got to get out.

What are you giving me this for?

Get out! Get out!

Hey, hey, get them out of here.

Get that girl out of here. Get that man out of here.

Oh, but get 'em out!

Out! Out!

Ladies and gentlemen...

Ladies and gentlemen, The Talent Discoverer's Show

will continue in just a moment.

Just be patient.

Everything's going to be...

Out! Out!

Hey, get them out of here!

Out! Out!

No, no, I-I'm afraid I can't make it today, Audrey.

I'm expecting the plumber.

Yeah, I did have my pipes fixed,

but he's coming over this morning to check on them.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow at the...

Oh, that's him now.

I-I'll talk to you later. Bye-bye.

Good morning.

Good morning, Mrs. Carmichael.

You're not angry at me are you, Mr. Tuttle?

I should say not.

You know, thanks to your getting me on TV,

offers have been pouring in all morning.

Oh, for concerts and nightclubs?

No, kitchens and bathrooms.

Oh.

Well, I better take a look at this now.

You only got offers to do plumbing, huh?

Yeah, but I've had so many offers,

I'll be the happiest plumber in town.

Oh.

I've gotten so much business, I even had to hire an assistant.

Oh, is that so?

Well, that's nice.

It sure is. I'll get...

Hey, Irving.

Irving, bring in my tools.

Do you know that you look exactly like...?

Look, please don't start that, will ya?

Where's the leak, boss?

Right over here.

Where is it?

Right there, right there.

What's the matter, lady,

haven't you ever seen an assistant plumber before?

Well, Chrissy, you've really flipped.

Shh! I'm supposed to have quiet.

Oh, well, may I break the spell long enough

to ask just what you're doing?

I'm upside down to bring a beauty blush to my face,

which I then massage with Lux beauty lather.

Well, Chrissy, darling, just using Lux

makes your skin soft and pretty.

I get great results with Lux, right side up.

Hey, your skin does look terrific.

Save some Lux for me.

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