Original subtitles

All right.

The way I look at myself, if I ever do, I'm a man of extremes.

I think every character is made up of a load of ingredients.

I just think I have a very soft side and a very hard side.

So if the right person gets me, they'll find I'm very vulnerable

and I can be a real baby, if they find me at the right time.

At the same time, I'm very strong and hard.

There's no half measures with me.

This film tells the untold story surrounding Freddie Mercury,

casting light on the man behind the music,

and tracing his strangely unpublicized roots to exotic shores.

Come with us on a journey back through time and culture

to the land and birth of Farrokh Bulsara.

Though only a tiny speck in the atlas,

Zanzibar casts long shadows across the imagination.

Whether the 19508 reality of this old Arab trading post

matched the perceived glamour of Sinbad, sultans, slaves and spices

is, of course, another matter.

When it comes to throwing light on those early days,

no one alive could possibly surpass this guide.

I'm Jer Bulsara, Freddie's mummy.

Nothing in Zanzibar acknowledges or celebrates

the importance of Freddie Mercury,

a situation that artist John da Silva, an elder schoolfriend of Freddie's,

would like to see rectified.

There must be something, a plaque, on Freddie Mercury.

I think Freddie has built himself up so well.

In fact, Zanzibar would certainly gain from that.

I'm Kash Cooke, Freddie's sister.

It's very tropical, beautiful beaches, beautiful sea.

Very hot.

And that's exactly What it is.

Unspoilt.

Dirty. Smelly.

It's all right as a holiday place, but not to live in, I'm afraid.

He was born on 5th September 1946.

Funnily enough, it happened to be on our Parsee New Year's Day.

In this very hospital, the Government Hospital, Zanzibar,

on 5th September 1946,

Farrokh Bulsara first saw the dazzling light of the world.

The name we selected was Farrokh. That was his birth name.

That was a name at that time very fashionable in the Parsees.

I just wanted to name him that.

The world into which little Farrokh was born

was a placid, tropical paradise,

whose ancient white walls and thin, ramshackle streets

allowed fleeting glimpses of green leaves

against azure waters and white coral sands.

Born into a high-ranking Parsee family working for the British government,

he was in the public eye virtually from birth,

after his baby picture won a local photo of the year contest.

For ourselves, very sociable, very friendly people.

But for the children, like Freddie, growing up,

there wasn't much to do.

Not much excitement.

The start of Farrokh's day is his walk to school

down these narrow Stone Town streets...

...soaking up the cultural flavours

of the Arab traders, East African fishermen and colonial expatriates

he rubs shoulders with.

Stopping off along the way at Camlurs Restaurant,

whose courtyard was his favoured sanctuary and social nexus,

a place for games and gossip of the kind exchanged by adults

on the city's white stone benches.

Even then, his favourite spot was Stone Town's harbour,

where he would watch the passing ships,

dreaming of faraway places and foreign music.

He used to play different music.

Indian music, folk music, English.

He used to pick up one of the records and start singing.

He had a variety of tastes in music.

When we used to go to functions and parties

he used to sing, obviously, Whenever somebody asked him.

He used to feel so proud to make everybody happy.

Even at that age.

Happiness is the most important thing.

If I'm happy, then it shows in my work.

Basically, I just want to be happy

and make a lot of money and buy a lot of things.

In this photo shop, the Capital Arts Studio,

the very first pictures of Farrokh were taken.

Many people...

They were young and now they are big men, they remember my studio.

"Since we were very young and we come to take photographs today,

"it's the same studio, you didn't change."

I say I want to keep it like that.

Bring your children and grandchildren, you'll find the same.

Almost every Zanzibar?“ has sat for pictures in this room,

unchanged since the days when Farrokh posed here.

This man, the current owner's father, photographed Farrokh

just as he documented the rest of the island's Parsee community,

then a far larger group.

His father is my uncle. My father's brother.

That is how we are connected. He is my first cousin.

When he was very young, a small child,

that is, about three to four years old,

when his mother went to work, she used to leave him with my mother.

Because my mother was a housewife.

Both his parents were working.

There were lots of Parsees here at that time.

We all used to have gatherings,

especially when we had our religious feast days.

We had our fire temple here.

We used to go there, have parties there.

Sometimes we gathered at somebody's place

and have big parties.

It was here in Zanzibar's fire temple, at the age of seven,

that Freddie was confirmed into the faith with a navjote ceremony,

the poignant Parsee initiation ritual

undertaken by the followers of the ancient prophet Zarathustra.

The main difference that I see

between Zoroastrianism and the other religions of the world,

is, for us, life is a celebration.

He was interested in Western music.

You'd be playing records,

looking at the fashion magazines and pop magazines

to try and see What the outside world is doing.

Although by the time we got the magazines,

they were a couple of months old.

But it was still news.

That was the only way to be up to date with the Western world.

Farrokh's yearning to see foreign lands was granted at age eight and a half

when his parents decided his education would be better sewed

by a spell in an Indian boarding school.

In the summer of 1955, he set sail on an epic journey

across a vast expanse of ocean,

leaving all that was familiar behind him.

After an eight-week journey, Farrokh arrives in Bombay,

the northwestern Indian port that his Parsee ancestors helped build.

He combats the stress of being an eight-year-old alone at sea for so long

by picturing the continent that awaits him.

Like most visitors, his first sight of the city is the Gateway to India.

A city of 16 million inhabitants,

Bombay is pure culture shock for little Farrokh.

Hailing from a town of 60,000,

he is dazed and confused by the noise and bustle.

With a sense of joyous anticipation commingling with his fear of the unknown,

he sets off on the train journey southeast.

Hour after hour, the Indian countryside flies past Farrokh's eyes.

But his sense of wonder is tempered by homesickness,

worries about his sister's emotional wellbeing,

anxiety about What awaits him,

and a general sadness that he must pay for a superior education

with this enormous separation from family and home.

In transit through Pune,

a bastion during Gandhi's campaign for Indian independence,

he is confronted for the first time by the depths of the continent's poverty.

The bus takes him on to Panchgani,

the Mecca of the Maharasthra province,

1,334 metres above sea level.

In 1955, before his ninth birthday,

and at the end of a 60-day journey since leaving his parents in Zanzibar,

Farrokh arrives in the town that will be his home for eight years,

and enrols at St Peter's Church of England School.

My name is Roy Robinson.

I am currently the officiating principal at St Peter's School, Panchgani.

The school was founded in the year 1902.

It is a residential public school which presents boys

for the Indian Cenificate of Secondary Education examination.

Farrokh Bulsara came to St Peter's as a boarder from Zanzibar

in the year 1955.

The exact date on which he came

was the 14th February.

He was good in sports, music and art.

He soon came to be known as Freddie.

Unfortunately, Freddie left St Peter's

on the 25m February 1963,

having failed in the class-ten examination.

A thorough root through the original school journals

reveals that Freddie acted in a variety of plays,

more often than not playing women 's parts.

At school festivities, he began singing in public,

wowing the assembly with standards like '0 Sole Mio

and the Champ Of The Gypsies.

He was an accomplished boxer, a good singer,

an outstanding pianist, an unbeatable table-tennis player,

and a thoroughly mediocre cross-country runner.

Panchgani, February 51h 1958.

Dear Mum and Dad, I hope you are all well and Kashmira's cold is better.

Don't worry, I'm fine.

Me and my friends at the Ashley House are like a second family.

The teachers are very strict.

Discipline is most important here at St Peter's.

I'm very happy to tell you that! was awarded the big trophy.

Best all-rounder, junior.

I received a big trophy and they even took a photograph,

which will appear in the annual school magazine.

I'm very proud and I hope you are too.

Send my love to Kash. I love my little sister, as I love you all.

Farrokh.

Very loving, both of them, for each other.

He always adored his sister.

I recall it was time for him to go back to boarding school

and we were getting him ready to go to the ship.

He wanted to give me a paning gift.

I picked these lovely hair slides. I said, "I want those."

He says, "You can't have those, that's too much money. Have something else."

"Ifl can't have those, I don't want anyihing."

I remember him saying, "All right, then."

And he bought me those.

So I can remember that very well.

He was so generous even then. That was his nature.

I like to feel that I am just being my honest self.

As far as I'm concerned, I want to pack in as much of life and fun,

having a good time, as much as I can,

Within the years I have.

When he used to come on holidays, they were so much attached.

I could see the difference when he had to go back to school.

But we couldn't help it.

Back in Bombay,

Freddie absorbs different influences from various cultures.

During shorter holidays, he stays here with his aunt, Sheroo Khory.

It is she who discovers the first signs of his artistic talent.

Once when, I think he was nine years old,

Freddie used to come running after breakfast,

and the radio was on, and when the music finished

he went to the stool again and played that tune.

"I must get him music lessons. He's got an ear for music."

Panchgani, April 10011961.

Dear Mum and Dad, I am so glad

that you agreed to let me have piano lessons.

I'm really enjoying it. Mrs Smith is very nice. I'm making good progress.

I'm practising a lot and I really like every minute of it.

But I have to tell you about something else.

Bruce Murray had the idea to form a band

and asked me if I wanted to be in it.

We will call ourselves the Hectics.

Apart from Bruce and myself, Victory Rana,

Derrick Branche and Farang Irani will be in the band.

Tomorrow we will meet for our first rehearsal.

I'm very excited about this. Love, Farrokh.

These days, founding Hectics member Farang Irani

runs a restaurant in Bombay.

The founder of the group was Bruce Murray.

Then Freddie, as he was, Farrokh, was on the piano.

The three of them got together.

Freddie's first crush at school was Gita Choksi,

who we visit in Bombay and who will later return to Panchgani

to take us on a tour of key original locations.

Apart from being Freddie's first unrequited love,

Gita was one of the first and most passionate Hectics fans.

Today, she works in a travel agency.

It was a very simple, uncomplicated life.

Boy meets girl. Girl holds hands with boy.

If you had a kiss, it was like, "Oh, my God!"

A crucial romantic function of the St Peter's School choir

was the rare opportunity for pupils

from the boys' and girls' schools to interact.

Most of the girls who were with us had their brothers in St Peter's.

But we never got a chance to meet.

The only time you could meet the boys was in church.

In the choir, the girls and boys sat together.

So that's how we passed all the little love letters.

We were after all the other boys who were way-out good-looking,

never thought anything about him, he was very nondescript,

buckteeth, greased-flat hair.

I know that he did have a very soft spot for Gita.

But she wasn't interested in him.

Gita was a favourite amongst all of us.

If Freddie did like me, he didn't tell me.

Panchgani, March 15m 1962.

Dear Mum and Dad, as I write this letter to you,

I am so angry because a terrible injustice happened to me.

Let me tell you. We were all in the dormitory at Lawrence Villa.

Victory, Farang, Derrick and all the other boys.

Suddenly, Bruce started to hit me.

"Let's box, bucky, " he said, and although I said no, he just started.

Within a few moments, against my will, there was a boxing match

and! was in the middle of it.

The boys were all shouting and throwing pillows at us.

Because of the noise, Mr Davis entered and stopped the fight.

Bruce lied and said I was the one who started the fight,

and that he was just defending himself.

All the boys backed him up, so Mr Bazin, the principal,

decided I had to be punished.

What a terrible punishment they picked for me.

I had to go to the barber's shop and have my hair cut really short.

I hated Bruce for that. You know how much I love my hair.

It'll never be the same again.

I am so sad and angry. Farrokh.

School, attention.

School, right turn.

India is my country.

All Indians are my brothers and sisters.

I love my country.

That this rigidly authoritarian establishment,

Whose traditions have remained unchanged for half a century,

should produce one of the world's most original human beings

may seem ironic.

But Freddie's unique individuality

developed as a natural teenage response

to the school's pressure to conform.

I said, "Would you like to paint?" "Yes, I would."

Because I knew he had painted those Christmas cards.

So I got him some oil paint.

I said you draw the outline first of the horses.

It was the first time that I found that he had talents.

Alongside his musical enthusiasm,

Freddie was also a gifted visual artist.

Mrs Smith, the daughter of Freddie's art teacher,

remembers one of his most surprising idiosyncrasies.

When Freddie called people "darling", we were terribly shocked.

It was something that was not spoken about in public.

We were all shocked.

You don't hear boys saying "darling" to another boy.

You didn't say it to a girl in public in those days.

To hear anyone say "darling" to another boy...

We're standing here today on What I consider hallowed ground.

This is the stage and the hall of St Peter's High School,

Where Freddie and the Hectics first started the band and the show.

Believe me, I have goosebumps on my arms, chills down my spine,

because I am going back almost 40 years.

They practised in the hall.

Elvis Presley, Pat Boone, yes, were there,

but the Hectics were here in flesh and blood. That was wonderful.

There was Freddie on the piano,

Victory on the drums,

Farang played the bass.

This bass was a unique instrument.

It was a tea chest, literally a wooden tea chest,

with a bamboo on one end and a Wire, maybe two Wires, I can't remember.

Only one string, there was.

That was the bass they used in those days.

But they made wonderful music.

Our band, the Hectics, are playing at St Peter's tonight. Better be there.

Hi, folks, live at St Peter's, Panchgani, the Hectics.

We staned playing in the school first.

Then Mr Davis, he is the one who actually encouraged us.

He was playing the piano.

Remove the piano, there was nothing left ofthe Hectics.

All the symptoms were there.

Plenty of noise,

and, I should say, very melodious.

Even people like myself enjoyed their music.

He didn't have stage fright,

otherwise he would be a shy boy.

But when he went on the keyboard, he would be in a bliss, playing.

Like, I would put it crudely,

like getting multiple orgasms.

Freddie and the Hectics were more imponant to us than Elvis Presley.

We were very proud of them.

Especially us girls associated with the boys on a regular basis.

The Whole environment, Panchgani, the atmosphere,

the climate, the upbringing,

it was so peaceful, it gave you a lot oftime...

to cultivate your dream.

His dream was to become a musician.

Which he achieved.

I think that was a very, very nice place...

to give birth to a star like Freddie,

and a nice starting point, I would say.

Before he leaves boarding school,

the 14-year-old Freddie jets in a friend's autograph book,

"Modern paintings are like women.

"You can't enjoy them if you try to understand them."

Freddie had been back in Zanzibar for two years

when in January 1964, a bloody revolution broke out,

and the Bulsaras fled the island for the safety of England.

It was very frightening, it was really frightening.

Everybody was rushing around and didn't know What to do.

Because we had young children,

we had to decide to leave the country.

They settled in Feltham, a tough, working-class suburb near Heathrow.

If Freddie had a choice

he would have been born at the age of about 21 in Feltham.

Not even a dramatic drop in living standards

could dampen Freddie's enthusiasm for this development.

When we first came, it was summenime. It was in May, I think.

But still we felt cold.

My first impression of England, I didn't like it

cos it was so cold.

I thought, Why did my mum and dad bring us here?

We had few known things What to do in England.

First of all, we wouldn't have any servants.

We had to do things ourselves.

Eventually, we'll have to go out to work to earn a living.

So we knew a little bit of background of what we were going to expect.

Freddie was so excited to come here, he kept on saying,

"We'll all help together. We'll do it."

That kept us going.

One of Freddie's first jobs

was packing crates on this industrial estate.

Teased for having women 's hands, he defiantly told his co-Workers

that he was going to be an artist.

He always kept on telling us, we will do something in this place,

because he always loved to come to England.

Freddie stood out against other...

boys of his age.

At that time, the fashion for hairstyle was a long and shaggy Iook.

But when we arrived, Freddie had that very...

the old-fashioned Cliff Richard look, very shiny,

the hair going backwards, standing up. That kind of look.

Whenever we would go out together or come home from a bus stop,

I'd walk behind him because I didn't want people to think I was with him.

Everybody dressed so differently.

He, being an artist, his eyes were always for the best things.

Of course, with long hair, at that time.

I said, "This is no good."

He said, "Everybody's having it, Mum."

The college boys are doing it, the neighbour's son is,

so I let him do it.

I had to let him carry on.

It was difficult in the beginning but we all did it.

Freddie was ineligible for art school as he had no academic qualifications.

So, in the autumn of 1964, just as he was turning 18,

he enrolled at Isleworth Polytechnic School...

...Ieaving in the spring of '66, with an A-grade A level under his belt.

I can't relax in bed all day and just do nothing.

I think that's a waste oftime.

I hardly read books. I think that's a waste oftime.

People will kill me for this.

I have to be doing something every day. I want to earn my keep.

I don't wake up every morning and say, have I dried up?

He's looking after me.

In autumn 1966, Freddie joined Ealing School of Art,

Where he studied graphic design.

It was here that he at last became

part of the bohemian musical world of '603 London.

My name is Jerry Hibben.

I met Freddie at Ealing when we were studying graphics in the late '603.

My name's John Taylor. I was the bass player in Ibex and Wreckage,

a band that I shared with Freddie in 1968.

I'm Derek Ridgers, a photographer. I met Freddie at Ealing An School.

I'm Peter Straker.

I was lucky enough to know Freddie Mercury.

I consider myself one of his best friends.

The Ealing School of An had produced Pete Townshend,

Ronnie Wood.

It had a tradition of producing good musicians.

He used to talk about that,

that so many people from an college had done pop music.

I didn't take much notice ofthat at that time,

thinking that it was one ofthose things, let us see.

Hard work wasn't high on the agenda at art school in those days.

But Freddie's time there produced a wealth of beautiful drawings,

portraits, pop-art paintings and fashion sketches,

seen here for the first time since then.

I distinctly remember Freddie sketching everybody.

When he was learning to draw,

film and pop idols had been Freddie's first models.

He was a great anist. Line drawings, pencil.

He had this Whole catalogue of stuff.

Hendrix, he did a load of pictures of Hendrix, which were brilliant.

He was a great anist. He liked...

I mean, his idea of colour and colour grading astounded me.

Sometimes, I'd have some homework to do

and have to draw something.

I'd ask him to do it for me. Which he hated.

But he did it to help me because I helped him, modelled for him.

So then I knew if he's done my homework, I'd get good marks.

He had a really good eye for detail.

Halfway through his course, Freddie switched to fashion

and produced a number of garments for catwalk shows.

I had some very old linen tablecloths from India.

One day, he had sought it out and he had put a pattern on

and cut it and made a Nehru shin.

He went to London in that with all those things. I was annoyed.

"You used my beautiful tablecloth."

I did my diploma in graphics. I was gonna be a graphics illustrator.

Obviously, I can paint.

While I was going through college, Iwas very interested in music.

I joined other bands and I got to know Brian and Roger.

We had quite different lifestyles.

But we always got on.

We never really had a big argument.

He had his own little world even then.

He behaved like a star. "Who is this guy?"

He was always dressed immaculately and rather outrageously.

He would go round with a pompom on the end of a string,

pomming everybody, being a local character.

He used to wear a lot of White.

Which is strange at an school.

Even then you realised that he was, in the core, very shy.

But he used these various devices,

he was already cloaking himself in a persona,

being something rather larger than life.

Everyone treated him like he was a star, although he wasn't.

I like the world to listen to my music,

and I want anybody and everybody to come and listen to me

and look at me when I'm playing.

With hindsight, you think he must've stood out, been leader ofthe gang,

and he wasn't really,

because his nature was actually kind and gentle, actually relatively quiet.

There was a trend earlier on, a few years ago, with the punk movement.

They said, we want to play to the small audiences,

because we're being intimate. Load of rubbish.

Everybody who wants to be a star wants the biggest audiences.

Because everyone at Ealing was into music,

the seriousness of Freddie's ambition

was not immediately obvious to all.

In the beginning, I didn't realise how serious he was.

I thought he was a flamboyant character and a very good anist.

I thought that probably music was a hobby for him

and that he would become an anist.

My advice to Freddie was that he shouldn't follow it up.

He should stick to What he knows, stick to graphics.

I'm Tim Staffell, I was the original singer in Smile,

which was the band which came before Queen.

I guess that ifl hadn't stepped aside

the world might've been a different place.

Once we'd got to Ealing, to an college,

there were several of us who used to indulge ourselves

and go down into the gents' and sing harmony vocals in the echo...

the echoey environment that was the gents' toilet at Ealing.

Which, I suppose, gave rise to the way the Queen sound developed.

Roger and I both thought that he was very good on showmanship

but we weren't sure if he really had the technical singing thing.

Freddie's chance to join a band came unexpectedly in 1968

with the arrival in London of Liverpool blues trio Ibex.

On their first night in town, they met Smile, with Freddie in tow.

He needed a band and Ibex needed a better singer.

At the time, he was very shaky vocally. He was still developing.

You'd be doing the same thing like you did.

OK. Look, let's get on with it.

Fred's nickname Within the band -

he was quite camp and we all made the most ofthat -

we called him the Old Queen.

Just privately.

His mic-stand technique, this half-mic-stand thing,

I think, traces back to Ibex.

In those days, you're talking 1968, '69,

equipment wasn't very good, very professional.

I think it was just he was swinging a mic stand around

and the bottom fell off and he couldn't get it back on.

Nobody had road managers. Well, we didn't in those days.

So nobody came rushing to fit it back to the thing,

and he just pranced around and made the most of it.

He had this unwavering belief

and this ambition to make it,

and to be the biggest thing, or as big as anyihing else.

When we left Hampton...

and moved on to college,

Brian and I were the only two who really wanted to carry on

with some kind of serious approach.

Smile evolved out ofthat. We advenised for a drummer

and we got Roger.

Smile were a great band. They were really good.

I remember some gig that we played,

which was us as Smile, me and Tim Staffell...

and Roger.

Freddie came along. I don't remember Where it was.

He used to often come along and see us play.

At that stage, he's just an enthusiast.

He offers comments. He says, "This is really good.

"It's great how you use light and shade,

"you're aware of building up atmospheres, bringing them down,

"but you're not dressing right and you're not addressing the audience.

"You should do this. There's opponunities to connect."

I could see that I wasn't going in that direction with Brian and Roger.

So I moved on

and tried to find something that was more in line with What I wanted to do.

Tim got the most disillusioned and said,

"I'm going to join this group called Humpy Bong."

Humpy Bong were an offshoot ofthe Bee Gees.

Their drummer had set up this group.

They had an appearance on Top Of The Pops, which was big-time.

Tim said, "I'm going with these guys. I'm going to go for it."

Freddie was always there and said, "I'll sing.

"We can do this, put the band together like this, et cetera, do this."

We gradually went, OK.

It was exactly right. Freddie wanted to do the theatrical stuff

that Smile was moving towards.

I gradually got uncomfonable with it and moved away.

Good job I did.

I could do with a fraction ofthe money.

But I've had a really good time.

Ijust didn't have it in me to do What Freddie did.

I was never a showman.

I really wasn't the writer that Freddie was.

So I tend to view it these days as...

I'm glad I got out ofthe way.

Ifl hadn't, the world wouldn't have had Queen.

He wrote this song for the first album

called My Fairy King.

There's a line in that,

"Oh, Mother Mercury, What have you done to me?"

And it was after that, that he said to me,

"I'm going to become Mercury.

"The mother in this song is my mother and I will become Mercury."

We all went...

Thinking, "Is he mad?"

But again he was serious and he changed his name to Freddie Mercury.

He'd cast himself a role.

He became...

the actor.

Most ofthe stuffl do is pretending, it's like acting.

You go on stage and I pretend to be a macho man.

In my videos, you go through

all the different characters, pretending.

I think changing his name was pan of him assuming this different skin.

Ithink it helped him be this person that he wanted to be.

The young Bulsara person was still there,

but for the public, he was this different character.

This god.

My name is Mick Rock.

I took a lot of early key images of Queen and Freddie

and was a close friend of Freddie's.

My name is Mary Austin.

I'm a long-term friend of Freddie.

We were very into the fashion world of Kensington, if you can call it that.

Biba was one of the great places for fashion at that time.

Underground fashion. Not haute couture in any sense, but...

the fashion of the people.

Part of the attraction was the girls who worked there were so beautiful.

They were dressed just right. They were well presented as well.

We used to just go in there to enjoy the scenery.

I know Freddie did as well.

One of those ladies was Mary Austin.

I met Mary at a echoed in Imperial College, my own college,

and just got chatting to her because she was sitting behind me.

I was pretty shy but I plucked up the courage to ask her out.

We went out a few times. She was very wary of anyone.

We'd go out for a drink, say good night, and quick peck on the cheek.

We never got beyond that.

But there came a point Where Freddie staned to talk to me about her.

Freddie wanted to go outwith her.

I said, "We're not really going out. We're just good friends.

"I'II introduce you to her." So I did.

He would come in with...

Occasionally, he was brave enough to come in on his own,

but most times he would come with Roger or somebody.

He would smile and say hello in passing,

which became quite often.

I think this went on for about five or six months.

Finally, he asked me if I wanted to go out on a date.

It was a very emotional attachment for the two of them immediately.

Five months later, we were living together

and continued that for six years, I think.

She looked after Freddie.

But he was very considerate towards her.

Whatever was going on, that was a love affair.

He'd had relationships with girls.

But, looking back on it, I don't think his hean was ever in it.

With Mary, it obviously was.

They were very sweet. They were like a married couple.

This was obviously true love.

It worked also because Freddie, like I said, was underneath very shy

and she was as well.

I think they were a good match. I could see that.

Yes, to me, it was a marriage. She is my common-law Wife.

We carry on like we were married.

Marriage is a term for other people.

We believed in each other. Fuck everybody else.

It's fair to say that she was the love of his life.

After six years together,

Mary's suspicion something was going wrong with their domestic idyll

was confirmed.

A watershed conversation with Freddie

changed the nature of their relationship forever.

I think, if I were to be really honest,

that would've been...

I think I realised - well, I know I realised -

when he first joined John Reid Enterprises.

I really did realise then...

Why the relationship had changed.

I didn't know he was with, or who he was seeing,

but I had a good idea then.

But I wasn't absolutely sure.

So I knew that this man wasn't at one with himself over something.

I could see that he was feeling bad about something.

Wasn't feeling comfonable, avoiding situations, which wasn't Freddie.

These things weren't the person that I first met.

It was a relief, really, to actually hear it from him,

to have surmised that that was the problem,

probably for the last two years of the six years we were together...

to know that I had more or less guessed right.

So it was a great relief for me.

I felt that a huge burden had been lifted.

I enjoyed the fact that he was able to be honest and frank with me.

But certainly once that had been discussed,

he was a different person again.

He was like the person I'd known in the early years.

He was more at one with himself, more relaxed, more happy.

I don't think he ever thought that I would be supportive...

of him...

say, of him becoming a gay.

But I was. Because it was pan of himself.

It was nice to see Freddie at one with himself, more than nice.

It was wonderful. He was such...

a happy person.

You couldn't deny Freddie the right to be at one with himself.

I see it as a Iove...a love that.

...that you accept and somehow understand

because you want the person inside to grow,

and you're fascinated to see this person Within

totally at ease and at one with themselves.

There's a great feeling, a great...

almost euphoric feeling

that you are Witnessing the development.

It's just...

He gave so much, so how could you not give?

Freddie had great taste.

And...the surroundings of his beautiful home

sometimes led to a really rather relaxed, sophisticated evening.

But other times, there was the odd Wild moment

which I would I think need to consult my lawyer

before talking about in great detail.

Freddie knew how to give a pafly.

Freddie threw many of the Wildest parties in the history of rock.

This footage was shot at one of the greatest of all,

his 3ch birthday in Munich.

We walk in and there were trolls and dwarves

and ogres and thieves and ballerinas

and transvestites and transsexuals, and...

I think there's two or three people ofthe third sex there.

Are we X-rated?

He did have the most extraordinary parfies.

There was a dwan' covered in liver.

He laid on a platter and Whenever anybody dug this knife into him,

he would go like that.

The Whole plate of liver would quiver. Like péte.

So it was like a moving pété pastiche.

I had no intention of going in a pool with anybody.

I wound up in flagrante delicto, under the catering table.

It was wretched excess, the worst thing I've ever been to.

I'll probably go to hell because ofthat.

It's nice memories, though.

It became the longest party. I stayed for three weeks.

It scared a lot of people, especially the locals. We could take it.

I'm used to my grandmother crawling with a knife in her teeth.

I remember driving in his Rolls-Royce in London if we were jolly

and I'd put my head out the Window and stan singing

I Could Have Danced All Night at the top of my voice.

He, on the other side, frightening people.

Freddie tended to do things in the grand style,

like flying 80 people off to Barcelona for a pafly.

I don't see him as a Volvo-estate man primarily.

He spent his money for himself

but not as the first thing, for others, let them have fun,

because I only have fun ifl can see others happy, Whatever it is.

Out comes the Ribena and it begins.

Or you'll run. You think, I can't, I've got to go.

There was flamenco dancers, fireworks.

It was extraordinary, it was like being on a Fellini set.

It was one ofthose panies

Where you had to come dressed as your favourite person.

He just came dressed as himself, obviously.

I'm Jim Hutton, Freddie's last lover.

Freddie's sexuality, never a straightforward matter,

was shaped by the experimental, liberal attitudes of the late '60s and '70s.

The bisexual thing, the androgynous, the boy-girl, the he-she,

the ambiguity, that was the spirit of the time.

Freddie was right in the middle ofthat,

spiritually, emotionally, sexually.

He was clearly a man of his time.

I think pan of it was the fashion of the day.

But pan of it was very much him.

He was always a bit larger than anybody else

and would go a bit more to extremes than anyone else.

That appealed to me.

David Bowie was my friend,

and Freddie was one step beyond David in terms of how camp he was.

As far as Freddie was concerned, his sexuality was his own business.

There were a lot ofthings that Freddie kept to himself.

I suppose that was one ofthem, really.

I don't think he discussed it, other than with Mary.

He felt that was one side of him that he didn't want anyone to know about.

Freddie didn't have to shout to demonstrate. He lived gay.

If you went anywhere near him or were involved with him,

he was gay.

He had his boyfriends.

He didn't hide it, but, on the other hand, he didn't show off about it.

He liked to keep a mystique about him.

The signs are there for anyone to see, but then again...

What are signs?

I could see somebody mincing down the street and say, "He's gay."

Not necessarily so.

I think he's somebody who just lived his life how he wanted, very much,

and really didn't want to become a figurehead

for the gay movement, panicularly.

There were at least two occasions in the press

Where he admitted to being gay.

But they don't really... It's there in black and White.

But people don't pick up on it.

You don't acquiesce or deny, or anyihing, you just...

If he was a youngster today...

a young 30-year-old, 40-year-old,

it wouldn't bother him

because things have changed so much over the years.

In which, I suppose, in a way, he played his pan.

I'm not scared of doing What I want to do, before I hide...

Like when I went out, I had to perform a little as well,

in not letting them down.

Because Freddie Mercury... I don't know What it means,

but he had to react in a cenain way, What the press had told people.

A lot ofthe time, I used to do that, so that I was actually living...

in a way, living a false image of myself.

And now I'm not worried.

Ifl make a fool of myself, if I fall into a dustbin,

which I have many times, I don't worry, I'm having a good time.

I suppose every gay person...

they don't want their parents to know.

They do, but it's hard to actually break the news to them.

I think ifthey knew he was gay, it wouldn't have made much difference.

I don't think he needed to tell them.

I think he knew the general public knew.

In his later years, Freddie returned to a life of monogamous domestic bliss

shared this time with Jim Hutton,

who he used to introduce to people as his husband.

It was excess in every direction. I was extremely promiscuous.

But I've stopped all that, having sex, and started growing tulips.

The gay scene is so flippant, anyway.

I suppose there comes a time in everyone's life to settle down.

I wanted a genuine tranquil after the storm.

But finding that wonderful person is very hard.

There is the solace which I've got, it's like I don't have to try so hard.

I don't have to prove myself. I have a very understanding relationship.

It sounds so boring.

He used to get a little bit irritated with me sometimes.

Things like his cats.

The cats would often come to me instead of him.

He used to get a bit shitty about that.

At the end ofthe day, he would say, "I've got somebody to go home to."

No matter Where you are, once you've got someone to come home to,

that's when you feel more secure.

I'm very happy with my relationship at the moment.

I really couldn't ask for better.

I've finally found a niche that! was looking for all my life.

And no fucker in this universe is going to upset it.

I do like to think his last years...

were as happy as they could have possibly ever been.

Though Freddie had a background in fashion design,

he turned to professional help for stage costumes.

Diana Moseley's creations would eventually give rein to his fantasies.

But when in 1973, Queen needed outfits for their Olympia concerts,

he and Brian showed up at Zandra Rhodes's loft.

I'd made clothes previously for T. Rex.

So maybe they'd seen those.

In the early days, for Freddie, there was still this search of image.

Freddie was a freethinker,

because if you look at the Whole transition and the different ways

that he changed looks,

I think that shows a wonderful free spirit.

He wanted black nail varnish. He wanted and he would shop.

He had overnight this clear idea

of What he was going to wear and Why.

She brought the materials and said, have a bit ofthis, this.

She said, "I see you as something rather big,

"very dramatic and flowing."

The very first costume that I did for Freddie

was like a tiny, narrow, rather ethnic bodice,

and then wonderful fan pleating, so that he could lift his arms.

He fits in with glam rock and definitely not with punk.

They had a bit more magic, not so much in-your-face as glam rock.

They were perhaps a bit more fairy tale-like.

Perhaps. A bit gentler.

I made fairy-tale clothes for Princess Diana

and rather wonderful flights of the imagination for Freddie Mercury.

Because he was bridging that gap from first of all,

going through that Whole thing of being very made-up,

one ofthe first people to do that, to do the butterfly thing,

then going through to the economy of another look,

so it's rather exciting that he went through so many different changes.

The only thing in fashion that you can rely on is the fact that it changes.

I was just one ofthe changes. But a very glamorous one.

In 1984, Freddie hired Diana Moseley

to style the video for! Was Born To Love You.

She went on to dress the Magic Tour

and organise Freddie's private wardrobe and public costumes.

Born To Love You was going to have nothing but women in. No men.

It was going to have 1,000 in but only ended up with 300.

This one, he was their warrior. It was his love song.

So I dressed him in White.

White and silver, but he was this son of...

Romeo, for want of a better word,

with a battle jacket on.

Freddie wasn't into it, as people might have thought.

He would dress properly for an occasion

but he wasn't a complete fashion addict.

With the Magic Tour, the one thing we all hooked on,

or got everyone to think about, was White.

Using that, because it's so fantastic for lighting in the big stadiums.

The guys right at the back get to see something.

I remember Freddie on that occasion phoning up from Sweden,

Where they did their opening nights on the tour.

"It isn't working. We need something else. I've got to do something.

"I've had this idea. The others don't like it but I do.

"I want a crown and I want a cloak with the ermine in."

All I said was, "You want a metal crown, as real as we can make it?"

He said yes. 80 that was it.

I suppose that's What Freddie liked.

[picked up on What he was talking about quickly and was true to it.

They went over the top a few times.

Alarming lapses of taste.

Some of it was not in good taste but it was always tongue-in-cheek.

Freddie's attempts to imbue rock music with elements of opera

were scorned by the rock press.

The classical world, however, took his ambitions much more seriously,

and on several notable occasions, he got to realise his dreams.

I am Montserrat Caballé.

I am the voice that sang with Freddie Mercury

the song Barcelona, the song from my city.

In May 1983, Freddie's love of opera

led to him see Pavarotti singing Verdi in Covent Garden.

That night, an unexpected and unforgettable love affair was born.

The performance was Un Ballo In Maschera, an opera by Verdi.

What happens is the tenor gets a big aria,

almost as soon as he comes on.

Freddie was, "Look, that's good.

"He sings just like he does on the records."

Then a trio comes up Where the soprano appears for the first time.

It's actually some beautiful music.

We didn't plan it,

but it was Montserrat who was actually singing.

He didn't know the name. He didn't know anyihing about her.

She came on. She sang in that first bit.

At the end of her bit, his jawjust dropped, jaw fell open.

He says, "When is she coming back again?

"I want to hear more ofthis woman. Who is it?"

I said, "It's Montserrat Caballé, a Spanish soprano."

He says, "Have you got any of her recordings?

"I want to listen to it. I want to hear her."

That was how it all staned.

He phoned me up in a great state of excitement.

He said, "You'll never guess. I've had a message

"to say that Montserrat Caballé

"would like to meet me. I'm not going Without you."

It's amazing. I'm going into opera. Forget rock and roll.

The meeting was set up for about two o'clock.

Freddie was just pacing up and down.

I've never seen him so nervous.

I had to keep looking out the door of the salon,

every two, three minutes, to see as and when she was arriving.

They finally arrived about quaner past two.

It was a magical sight in the foyer.

The crowds just split up. Like the paning ofthe Red Sea.

Montserrat just came through.

Here is the room Where we first met.

When I entered the room...

he was so cold in his hands.

I was very cold too.

But I could feel his cold hands and I thought, he's cooler than me.

He's nervous too, so that's good.

When people are nervous, that means both are expecting

something from the other one.

A piano was in the corner.

Well prepared.

So we stepped up from the table and we went to the corner.

He was playing and I was beginning to sing.

We could go on for hours and hours and hours.

So when we finished, we look at each other,

and I knew it, that he has conquered me.

After a memorable performance at Covent Garden,

Freddie, Montserrat and Mike Moran went back to Garden Lodge

and spontaneously improvised around the piano until sunrise.

It was a very special night, a very, very special night.

A wonderful night.

I will never forget.

It was so wonderful that we don't realise the time passed so fast

and then someone says, "It's almost six.

"I think you have to stop, because you have sung a concert."

I say, ”I'm tired but it's wonderful, ”

Every five minutes, he would say, "You've got to go, catch a flight."

She says, "You don't want me here?"

He says, "I do,

"but I don't want to get into trouble because you're tired and late."

You're not tired? You must rest a little.

- You want me to go? - I don't want you to go.

I think you must rest.

I come to terrible risk?

I can sing till six in the morning.

I think it was six o'clock in the morning when I left home

and all the people was in the street, there was lots of people...

surprised I spent the night at Freddie's home.

I just thought, maybe one song or a duet.

She said, "Only one song? Are you sure? "Only one song?"

I said, "Let's see how we get on. If you like more of my music..."

She said, "How many songs does a normal rock-and-roll album have?"

I said, "Something like ten." "We'll do ten songs, then."

She just said, "Yes, write ten songs. Tomorrow."

Musicians understand each other very well.

They're married in music.

This is What was happening with Freddie and with me.

It's such a challenge.

It's going to be great. I've never thought of writing songs in that way.

Now she's said she wants to do duets with me,

I have to think in a totally different way.

He loved me a lot. And I loved him too.

For him, it was normal, but for me, no.

I told him, "Listen, do you think I have to perform with you?

"I don't feel like... I am old, I am big, I don't know."

He says, "Listen.

"Music has not age."

Of all the things he did Without Queen,

I think he was most proud of this.

For the opera world, it has been a revolution, a real revolution.

The song was absolutely wonderful.

I still get goosebumps when I hear it. I've heard it 10,000 times.

It was operatic, over the top, melodramatic.

But in many respects, it was true opera.

He was just beside himself with happiness this was gonna happen.

And everything had to be perfect.

There were flowers put in the control room for her arrival.

I remember him insisting that the studio in London

redecorate the ladies' bathroom

just in case she might use it.

I remember Fred saying to me,

"I can't go on stage and do my usual thing,

"because she's an opera singer. Maybe I'd better tone down the act."

Of course, What he'd temporarily forgotten

was this was an operatic diva.

When she went on stage, she was like a bloody volcano.

As soon as she started, he looked over at me,

"Bloody hell, I've got competition here."

It was actually quite a fiery combination.

It was a marvellous moment of my life, this one year together.

I will always remember.

One of the most surprising, beautiful, and happy...of my life.

I mean, it was like an extension, a Window open to the world.

Many, many people, young people,

come today to the opera.

They always say, "We wanted so much to find out

"who is the woman that screams so much with Freddie?"

"We are very thankful to him and to you

"because this way, we have met

"two worlds coming together for the first time."

One day, he was saying in front of many friends, we were together,

"I love music and she is the music."

I have many proposals many times to do it again.

Something with other colleagues and things.

But, you know...

it has to be...

it has to be something very special that follows Freddie and me together.

Very special.

In the early '80$, tired of stardom and the attendant invasion of his privacy,

Freddie left England for a spell of exile and enjoyment.

The party town that best suited his needs was New York.

I'm Reinhold Mack.

I happened to produce some of the Queen albums

and one of Freddie Mercury's solo albums.

I'm Walter Yetnikoff. I was Freddie Mercury's record boss

when we released his solo album, Mr Bad Guy.

But there was also Munich, with its liberating anonymity.

Everybody knew who he was,

but they also knew he didn't want to be known,

so everybody would go on the other side of the street, going...

But leave him alone.

Nobody really treated him as being the star.

They didn't want autographs, just took him for What he was,

the nice guy paying for lots of drinks.

When I went to Rio, I missed the Carnival.

They have Fasching over here, so I got into that.

My God, they do know how to boogie.

They just don't stop. So I was upside down for days.

They didn't tell me that the Fasching comes to an end on Shrove Tuesday.

I burned myself out a few days before.

I live life to the full. Every day is Fasching for me.

I liked him because he was very bouncy, effusive, enthusiastic.

And son of drunk.

I'm using the term advisedly. I think Freddie Mercury was a genius.

If you are a genius, you have certain liberties given to you by society.

You can act a little different. You're expected to.

I liked the music that I heard in the studio.

To hell with it, I'll have Freddie Mercury, not Queen.

It's quite outrageous.

I think it's new for me as well because I've actually allowed...

an orchestra to go mad, rather than restrict them.

I said, play all the notes that you haven't played in your life before.

So they all went completely crazy.

So there's basically a world war going on on that track.

Though loved by the fans, the Mr Bad Guy album was a commercial flop.

It did about 160,000,

which for another person would have been an interesting result.

For an offshoot of Queen, it was a great disappointment.

It was certainly not one of my best deals I've ever done.

Despite the fact it was not a success, I'm glad we did this thing together

as pan of my memory bank.

The fact that it didn't work, shoot me, fuck it.

I don't know if you'll edit that out or not.

He was absolutely genius.

Mike is an absolute genius.

I told him that many times and he said...

Absolute genius.

When we were doing Hot Space, we started in Switzerland,

then went on to Munich.

As time went by, it got longer and longer and people didn't show up,

people went skiing.

Freddie became the godfather of one of my children,

simply because I made a bet.

I said I think it's easier to conceive and give birth to a child

than getting this album finished.

I think I won by about a week.

Freddie took the godfather thing terribly serious.

He gave him a set of cutlery and teddy bears ten miles high.

All sorts of stuff.

Really constantly asked, is he eating all right, What are you feeding him?

I think he cared more than his mother did.

In New York, you could walk on the Wild side.

That was Why I was here

and clearly Why many other people, including Freddie,

were drawn to spend a lot of time here.

If we were going to The Saint in New York...

he would join the queue of people to get in

rather than just go to the front and just get ushered in

because he didn't want to be seen to be famous.

But everybody would then say, "It's Freddie Mercury in the queue."

Freddie was an adventurer. We were both interested in blurring the lines.

You could do that in New York like no other city in the world.

In the late '703 and into the '803, it was really...

If you want to talk about decadence,

this was the place to be truly decadent.

You could be the extreme part of your personality.

That was what was exciting about New York.

Of course, that's What killed a lot of people over the years

and nearly got me eventually.

I'm sure that it was here that...

that Freddie contracted...

the illness that killed him.

Though he once thought Montreux tediously quiet,

Freddie's increasing appreciation of its tranquil beauty

led him from the late '80$ onwards

to buy a flat there and occupy his time with its decoration.

This distracted him partially from the far more serious matter at hand.

Though they all heard about it in different ways,

the news that Freddie was HIV-positive

was equally devastating for all those close to him.

I received a telephone call from Freddie's GP...

to say that he had had no response from telephone calls

and would I remind him to call,

which I did, subsequently got calls back,

saying, "I still haven't had a call."

Sol pursued... In the end, I was told

Why the GP needed to speak to Freddie.

I felt my heart fall out of my boots.

I suppose anyone's immediate reaction is, are you sure?

"Yes, I am sure, darling. The best doctor. The best of everything."

A natural reaction, I suppose, is to say, "Let's find somebody else."

He then just said to me, "Listen.

"The door is always open if you want to leave."

My reaction was, I said, "Don't be so silly.

"I'm not going to walk out over this."

One of our family visits, we were in his bedroom,

just me and Roger, and he just told us.

I was in the kitchen on my own and he came down from upstairs.

He said, "I've got something to tell you."

"Yeah, OK."

"Look, you know I'm sick, don't you?"

I said, "I've got a good idea." He said, "You know What it is?"

I said, yeah.

He said, "That's it. You know. That's it.

"It won't be talked about any more. We do not speak about it."

And then at one point, he decided

to invite us all over to the house for a meeting,

and he just told us the absolute facts,

the facts that we were really starting to realise anyway.

Really, that produced a coming together, a closing of the ranks.

The way he was telling me that.

"I am seropositive," he says.

"I developed the illness."

I say, "But you are so strong.

"You sing like you sing."

"Yes, I still can do it," he says.

"But it comes a moment, no more, and I know that.

"And I want you to know.

"Because it's my duty to tell you this."

I say, "No, it's not duty.

"But I am very thankful that you have told me,

"because that means I have your friendship

"and this is as important as anything to me."

Everything had to be treated very normally. He had to be too.

If he found that you were flagging, you were becoming too emotional,

then he would naturally push you back in line

and bring forward who he felt that he could rely on

for What he needed.

Because of his illness - he had it -

so he didn't need someone else to remind him all the time.

He used to love us and respect us so much

that he didn't want to mm us.

We knew all along and we didn't want to displease him

because we loved him equally well, as much.

But that was sad.

At first, I couldn't believe What he was telling me.

Basically, it was just going above my head.

It was only later in the months as he deteriorated

that it started to sink in.

But even then, I just kept on hoping he would come out of it.

We knew in August, September, that he was really "I.

He was in Montreux.

Always he used to be with us on my birthday.

This birthday, he sent me flowers from Montreux.

He said, "Sorry, Mum, this time I can't be with you on your birthday

"but I'll make it up."

But, of course, it was October and he was very ill.

It was very sad at that time.

He would never dwell on things like that

because, for him, life was incredible

and had to be pursued the best way possible at all times.

That's Why he never stopped being creative.

He could've easily given up and disappeared somewhere

and lived the rest of his life in isolation, but he did not do that.

It's another example of how brave the man was.

He was out working until he could actually work no more.

One regret was that there was still music in him when he died.

It was there, it was in his brain,

but because of the body, he wasn't able to produce it.

If he didn't have the music,

he wouldn't have lasted as long, he really wouldn't.

And still with that immense humour and that immense drive.

That's What people will never know that weren't around at the time,

he still had that incredible commitment,

that incredible commitment to perfection.

All you're doing is making his life easier,

making him able to deal with his life a little bit easier,

giving him that little bit more quality of life.

The hardest part was the fact that you knew Whatever you were doing...

wasn't curing him.

You were going to spend a year, two years, doing this for this guy,

and he still would die at the end.

At first, I didn't believe it.

"No, it must be something else."

It's a very hard thing to realise

if it's somebody that's very close to you.

I had some comfortable cashmere, soft silk clothes made for him.

Because even wearing clothing was hurting him.

I sat and played Scrabble with him, helped move furniture around,

so the other guys could have a bit of a break in the house.

He was a spirit to the last.

He said, "I can't drink champagne any more, you drink it for me."

A bottle of champagne to myself.

Freddie watching.

He wouldn't let the illness

get in between his friends and people around him.

He suffered so dreadfully.

But he never told anybody about it.

When we were doing the Slightly Mad video,

Freddie was on a completely different plane.

Normally, under the lighting, everybody gets very hot.

Freddie had thermals on underneath all the clothing I'd put on him,

underneath all the lights.

He had no body weight at all.

I was absolutely amazed how he carried it through.

He even timed his own death.

The best thing we could do for Freddie was just to talk to him,

let him know that Whatever he decided was right.

If he wanted to go, don't hang around for us.

We're gonna be around afterwards. Don't wait.

Don't hang on to this life if it's not right for you. If you're ready, go.

The last six months or 30, Elton was a regular visitor.

He cared so much about Freddie.

Sometimes he might only be able to stay for five, ten minutes.

You could see the emotion in his face when he left. He really cared for him.

The last weeks of his life, there was a lot of media outside...

which we tried to keep away,

but the odd statements that were made by them outside

were particularly unpleasant.

The very last time he came,

he knew it was the last time he'd see Freddie,

because Freddie had already stopped the drugs

for a week and a half,

and Elton had to go off to Paris to do some work.

Elton said, "No, I've had enough of this sneaking around."

He came in his Bentley, his big, dark green Bentley,

and parked straight outside Garden Lodge.

The press came running over to him. "What are you doing here?"

He says, "I've just come to see my friend," and came in the door.

The statement was one of the hardest things to do,

because, not only for himself, but he knew he would never be going

outside the doors of Garden Lodge again.

He knew he wouldn't have to worry about photographs.

Once the statement was done, he knew his life was over, sort of thing.

One of the reasons that it took so much

was because it was going to make public liars out of all of us around him.

Because everybody had denied him having the disease.

To friends, family, everything else.

He certainly wanted to protect his parents, sister, his family.

I think he wanted to protect everybody Within the house too

that were taking care of him and looking after him,

so that they weren't hassled.

He didn't want people to see him deteriorating.

He didn't want to put them through the upset.

We went downstairs and we played a game of Scrabble.

And I drank champagne.

Just the two of us.

As I left,

he said, "Thank you for spending the afternoon with an old man."

I saw a man become incredibly brave.

I saw a man become incredibly emotional at times.

I saw depths of this person

that was an exaggeration of What was,

that had been primarily there all those years.

And respected and admired him even more.

He would sleep, wake up, sleep.

The television would be on.

Sometimes he'd talk for a few minutes.

But it was just sitting there, holding hands,

so that he knew someone was there with him.

The Sunday morning, early, his breathing changed.

We called the doctor and he explained

that basically he had gone into a coma.

Mary came and went.

His parents called up, but the doctor said, "Don't let them come now.

"He might be better later on." That sort of thing.

We just stopped people from coming because of the state he was in.

As the doctor was over in the mews, just getting into his car,

Jim and I were up there, we were going to change his clothes,

and noticed that his chest wasn't moving. He had stopped breathing.

I went up.

I just said to Phoebe, Peter, "He's gone."

The usual thing is to see if he is breathing, the mirror.

I just looked at him and said, "He's gone."

Phoned Mary.

He'd given himself...

a limit, and I think, personally,

that when he couldn't record any more,

or have the energy to do that any more,

then it would be the end.

Because his life, really, had been his work.

I think his joy had been that.

I think Without it...

he wouldn't have been strong enough to face...

What he had to face.

So he did it on his own terms.

It was very, very upsetting, because...

Obviously, I knew it was coming,

but I just didn't want it to come.

I can picture it, when it happened, the day, the time.

It was still a shock because I didn't think it would be coming when it did.

I was hoping, there'll be a cure, just got to hang on,

it'll come, but even now, there is no cure, isn't there?

The medications, obviously, they're getting there.

It's a pity it didn't happen a few years ago.

That's life.

I suppose his time was up and that was it.

He suddenly announced one day after Sunday lunch,

"I know exactly Where I want you to put me.

"But no one's to know because I don't want anyone to dig me up,"

were his exact words.

"I just want to rest in peace."

I think in the end being natural and being genuine is what wins.

In the end, all the mistakes and excuses are down to me.

I'd like to feel that I'm just being my honest self.

I don't give a shit what people say about me.

I don't regret any of the things I did. I'm just me. I'm just me.

C'est la vie.

I'm a very loving person.

How about that?

If I had to do it all over again, Why not? I'd do it slightly differently.

I still love you.