Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[upbeat music playing]

[man] That enough, boss?

Perfect.

Hey, Mom?

Be right down, Flip.

Okay, Phil, we're finished.

[saw buzzing]

Al, hit it, okay?

What's up?

How much are these 16-penny nails?

Truth is, I don't know. I'll have to look it up.

The magazine said it would only cost $4 to make.

For a piece of wood to go under the mattress?

Oh, that's ridiculous.

You got to have a number.

Hey, Pete...

Pete, what's the price of the 16-penny nails?

Uh, $10.50.Got that, honey?

[man] Sir,

I would like to paint this.

Is this board all right for blue?

Well, that's the best board we have for blue.

Thank you.

Ooh.

Oh, I almost forgot.What?

The beauty shop delivered your wig. Oh, good.

Mrs. McClure, your sister's in the office. She is?

[Chuck] I'll look at the matter myself personally. Yes, sir.

You can count on me, sir. Yes, sir.

Hi. Oh, Chuck.

Hold the line, please.Chuck, did you take care

of that Martin deal yet?Yes, Miss Mc--

Watch it, tiger.

Spoilsport.

Hey, listen, we got a problem.

Ah, you got to have a number.

Well, the fellow I lined up to be

your dinner partner tonight canceled out.

Fine.

So we got to find you a man for tonight.

No, we don't got to find me a man for tonight, Maxine.

Business dinner, and I could care less.

You must know someone.

Well, of course I know someone. I know a lot of people,

but I'm really not interested.

Maxine, when are you going to stop trying to find me a husband?

As soon as you give me some of that... Ow!

Oh, come on. Just because I'm dieting.

You can have one cup of weak tea. No sugar.

We're going to find you a man here.

Look, Max, I love you dearly,

and I appreciate your interest in my welfare,

but will you cool it for tonight?

I just don't happen to think that's it right...

[both] Your being without a dinner partner.

I don't need a dinner partner, Maxine.

I don't need a man in my life.

I'm doing just fine, I really am.

Boy. I have a business to run,

I have three beautiful kids to keep me company.

What more do I want? I'm doing just fine.

Will you relax?Yes. Yes. Yes.

Will you cool it, please?I like it this way.

Devoting her life to her family. Hm.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Baloney, that's what wrong.Baloney?

Listen, already your kids have a better deal than you do.

At least they go to bed with a teddy bear at night.

I knew you'd get to the bedroom sooner or later, you little devil.

[both laugh]

What do you do on a cold night?

I turn on the electric blanket, okay?

Well, I do better with a nudge.

Oh. Max.

I feel sorry for Harry.

Oh, he does all right.

Look, let's be realistic.Mm-hmm.

Suppose I was interested, can I tell you what's available?

What? Confirmed middle-aged bachelors

and divorcees.

Divorcees? I don't think you call a man who's--

I don't know what you call 'em,

but they're all after you-know-what.

Mm.

Losers and factory rejects.

Well, there's always Mr. Right.

What if Mr. Right is out there?

How do I compete with the 20-year-olds?

Well, like they say, if you're number two,

you have to try a little harder.

[Maxine chuckles]Oh, is that what they say?

Yes, that's what they say.

Back to work. "Evans, William."

That's William Evans, and he's a plumber.

Will you get out of that index? That's private.

You're not going to find anyone in there, anyway.

Mm-hmm. "Ingram."

Electrician.

"Ingalls."

Insurance.

"Iverson."

Is that Jake Iverson?

[Max] Jake Iverson. Well, what does he do?

He's just a friend.Attractive?

Yes, Max. Very.Well...?

I...He's just someone Phil and I used to know, dear.

[sighs]

Flip, come to the office right away, please.

Abby, it says here, "Jake and Evelyn."

That's right. That's his wife,

or was.

He's in the same boat I am.

Flip! Office!

A widower?

Yeah, Mom? I was just leavin'.

Already?

Holy smoke, it's late.

Honey, pass these out before you go, would you, please?

Okay.Thanks.

Bye.Toodle-oo.

So long, Aunt Max.

Goodbye, dear.

[phone ringing]

Yeah.Mr. Iverson?

Just a moment, please. A Mrs. McClure calling.

You've got to be kidding.I'm not kidding at all.

Sit down and talk to this nice man.I can't believe you, Maxine.

Come on, talk to him.

I can't ask him. I haven't seen him in years.

Just ask the man to dinner.

Mrs. McClure, I--

Mrs. McClure will talk to you later.

I don't even know what to say.Hello.

Hello, Jake?Who'd you say it was?

This is, um, Abby McClure, Jake.

[sighs] Oh, how are you?

Oh, I'm fine, thank you. How are you?

Fine. Fine. Uh...

And how's your, uh, little girl--

Lacey?

Stacey.Stacey.

That's close.

[Jake] She's fine.

How's your, uh...

The boys. I have three boys.

They're fine, thank you.

He doesn't even know who I am.

Just ask him.

Uh...

Oh, Abby, uh, Phil's wife.

That's right.It's been a long time.

I, uh, I meant to call you after Phil...

Oh, I understand.

Will you just ask him?

Uh, I'll tell you why I'm calling.

It's, uh... I'm having some people in tonight.

You know, for a little dinner party.

And I thought that, uh, uh--uh, if you weren't doing anything,

that maybe you'd like to come?

Dinner tonight?

[Abby] Yes, uh-huh...

[mouthing words]

You can?

You ca... Oh!

You can?

Well, that's good.

It's 4248

Myrtle Drive.

And that's, um, oh, 7:30-ish.

Sounds great. I'll see you then.

Bye-bye.

You can't tell me you aren't bored

seeing just one pair of shoes under your bed.

Oh, Max, is that all you ever think about? Sex?

Yes. [laughs]

[door bell jingles]

[slow music playing]

Hi, neighbor.

Hello, Cleo.

I, uh, seem to have misplaced my garden clippers.

Got a pair?

Just a minute.

Hate to trouble you, Jake.

I guess your husband's out of town again, huh?

[Cleo] You know George and his hunting trips.

I, uh, don't see your daughter around.

[Jake] Oh, she's staying with a friend.

Here you are.

Want to help with my garden?

No, Cleo.

I think it's real bad luck to go diggin' around

in somebody else's garden.

You're scared.

You're damn right I am.

Too bad.

Stop by for a drink later?

No. I have to go meet somebody.

It's the wife of an old friend.

I'm the wife of an old friend.

Yeah. You know, this is different, though.

Don't you like me?

Sure, I like you, Cleo.

It's my husband, isn't it?

What do you mean?

I can't get to you because of George.

Well, I like George, too.

Wish I could say that.

Mm.

What a wicked waste.

Well, toodle-oo.

Have fun, Jake.

Molly, would you mind?

Oh, am I glad to see you.

[Abby gasps]

Boy, do I need help.

Someone to take--

Molly, is the house all straightened?

Mm. I hate shrimp.Yeah, I know.

Is the house all straightened?Yes.

Good. Did the boys have their dinner?

You know I'm not the type to complain, but on days like this,

I get the feeling that I'm keeping three horses out of work.

Where are they?

The horses?The boys.

Flip's in his room, and the other two are in there.

Where? In there.

In the living room?Yes.

Oh, Molly!

The living room. Where do you expect?

There are no other rooms here, except...

What is going on in here?

Oh, now, you know

we have company coming tonight, and look at this room!

But you told me I could paint.

That was two months ago, when you had the mumps.

I told you, Jason.

Now you're no better, Mitchell, but you should be.

You're older.[barking]

You just get off of this couch. I've had it.

And you get over here.

Now enough is enough.

[Abby] Now you two just hop to it, and you get this place

cleared up, and right... And stop laughing at me.

Put your retainers in your mouth and leave them in there.

I don't want to see them out of your mouth again, you hear?

I have had it! You!

[whimpers]

[Abby] Flip...

[rock music playing over speakers]Flip!

[Flip] Yeah?Didn't I tell you to keep an eye--

What?I said didn't I tell you to keep an eye out--

I can't hear you.If you turn that thing off,

you might be able to hear what I am saying.

[turns off music]

Can you hear me now?Yes.

All right. Did I ask you

to keep an eye on Mitch and Jason?

I'm sorry, Mom, but I got to get ready. I got a date.

So have I, dear. I have guests coming, or did you happen--

Yeah, but you don't have to shave, and that takes time,

especially when you got a heavy beard like mine.

Oh, this house.[rock music continues]

Oh.

[barks]

Calico...

[barks]

I have enough around here without you.

[barks]None of your lip.

[upbeat music playing]

Calico! Come back here!

[gasps][Abby] He's--

Molly, he's got my hair!

[Abby scoffs]

Hey, Calico caught a gopher!

He's got my hair!

Calico!

Come here. Get out of the way, boys.

[Mitch] Calico! Calico!

[Abby] Come here to me.

-Come here, Calico. -[Abby] Calico!

Silly dog.[Mitch] Give me that!

[Abby] Oh!Calico, come on!

Drop it! Drop it!

Boys, will you get out of the way?

Oh, you're ruining my wig.

[Calico growls][Abby] Calico!

I'm not playing with you, you big...

Oh, oh! Oh, I've got it. I've got it.

What is it, Mom?

You heard your brother. It's a gopher.

[sighs]

Good night, Mom. Got to split.

Oh, just a minute, honey.

I know. Drive carefully, don't be late.

Check. Check.

Hope your party's a gas.

Mm. Thanks a lot.

You have fun, too, you hear?

Sexy.

Oh, good.

What those boys need

is the firm hand of a man around here.

Lord knows you've had your choice

with all those fellas your sister brings around.

[groans] You know, you should

do yourself and those boys a favor

and get yourself married P.D.Q.

[car tires screeching]

Of course, it's not for me to say.

You're so right, Molly.

If there's one thing I believe in,

it's keeping my place and keeping my mouth shut.

It doesn't work.

What? Figures.

The boys were playing astronaut with it.

Oh. Look at this wig. It's soaking.

I just sprayed the whole thing. Now what do I do?

And look at me. Look at this hair, and I have company coming.

Well, couldn't you kind of push it up a little?

Uh, do you have a snood?

A what?Well, you know, a snood.

You could kind of put it around here and hold it.

No, I don't have one of those.

Will you just stick it in the oven?

The oven?Yeah, 200.

And save some space.

I'm going to stick my head in with it.

Heh. Oven, indeed.

Many more days like this, you'll find me in the oven.

Mom? What?

How come you didn't show up at my baseball game today?

I couldn't make it, Mitchell.

I got busy at the yard, honey.

Maybe next Saturday, I can come.

Always the same excuse.

Get those washcloths moving. It's not fun-and-games time.

[Jason] Hey, let me try that!

[thump, water splashing]

[chuckling]

[Molly] Mrs. McClure?Yes?

Will you come here a minute?

I'll be there in a minute, Molly.

Now, you don't get out of here.

You don't get out of here until you're rinsed off. Do you hear me?

Didn't I say no fun and games?

[Molly] Mrs. McClure!Now, you get back in...

Get back in that tub. Look what you're doing!

[Molly] Mrs. McClure!You can't... What?

Will you please come down here? I need you!

I can't come now, Molly!

Well, we'll, uh, just let ourselves in.

I guess Abby's busy someplace.

Don't get out of that tub, or I'll tan your--

Oh! Oh.

[Abby scoffs]

[laughs]

Oh, hi, Jake.Hi.

I guess we're a little early, huh?

Uh, no, I'm a little late.

[laughter]

Well, uh, we met Jake in--in the driveway.

What?

Jake, how about-- How about a drink?

Harry can fix you a drink.Sure.

Mrs. McClure, about that oven.

I've got to put the meat on broil, but your hair's on bake.

Now which should I do first?Yeah, well...

I need the hair, Molly. I need the hair.

False eyelashes, false hair, false bosoms.

In my day and age, women were flesh and blood.

Nowadays, they're 80 percent nylon

and 20 percent foam rubber.

Harry, dear, the drinks. The drinks.

Jake, a nice drink, Jake, never hurt anybody.Come on, I'll get you one.

[Abby whispering] Max. Psst!

What?Psst!

Come on!

[whispers] All right!

Max, I need your help. Wasn't that terrible?

Oh...What must he think now?

Who cares? He's adorable.

Will you come on?

Oh, you're a mess.

[Abby] This place has been a wall-to-wall disaster area

since I arrived home today.

Abby, you're a great deal of help to me.

What am I supposed to say to this man?

"I would like you to meet my sister,

the girl with the golden arm and her hair in the oven"?

What about my hair? Where is my hair?

Don't worry about your hair. You aren't even dressed yet.

Why doesn't she bring it here?What are you going to wear?

I'm wearing this white suit, Maxine. Is that all right with you?

That white...? Oh, Abby, come on.

Why don't you get into that marvelous red geranium hostess thing?

Because it's not that kind of a party.

You know that this is business.

You know all those people in there are customers.

But who cares about the lumber set? You are dressing for him.

I do, dear. I have to be folksy.

Oh, folksy, shmolksy.

Abby, come on, get into the red thing.

Maxine, I swear, you are--You are making me so nervous,

I don't know what I'm doing.

I am not going to wear the red dress.

[lounge music playing over speakers]

Nice party, Abby.[laughter]

Say hello to Mr. Iverson, boys.

This is Jason and Mitchell.

Hi, fellows.

[both] Hello.

You've met everybody here. Now it's time to go to bed.

Are you going to marry Mommy?

[nervous laughter]

No, he isn't, dear.

Come on.

Boy, Aunt Maxine is sure going to be disappointed.

[woman laughing]

So, you're a chemical engineer?

Yes, that's right.

Where do you do your engineering?

Pacific refineries, mostly.

I just happen to know somebody you should meet.

My Cousin Dora.

She just hasn't been able to find a man her intellectual equal.

Has she tried the Yellow Pages?

You single guys, you got it made.

Airline stewardesses--

And nurses.

[woman laughing in distance]

So, you're Abby's fella, huh?

You're getting a great girl.

Do you know what the worst thing

that ever happened to mankind is?

The pill.

Helps me sleep nights, though.

[laughter continues]

I declare, everything is just delicious.

That Abby is a wonder.

You know, I just can't understand

why some man hasn't just grabbed her up by now.

You know, any man would be lucky to have her...

[voice turns high-pitched] ...for his wife.

And I know that there is

nothing more in this world that she would desire

than to have a loving husband, all her own,

to love her every night, give her a big hug, keep her cozy and warm.

Now, this is the type of woman...

[all voices high-pitched and indistinct]

I tell you, if this wasn't my house, I'd go home.

Oh, Calico!Nice doggy.

Calico, stop it!Good boy!

I'm sorry.Oh, it's-- It's all right.

Here, use this.Oh. Thank you.

I fixed you a drink.Oh, no, thanks.

I've got to go. I'd better get going.

I just got my-- I just got my coat.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry you have to leave so early.

Well, so am I, but, I, uh, I've got

these customers comin' in on the 11:30 plane

all the way from Akron, and I promised them I'd be there.

Oh, I understand. Sure.

Well, we'll have to get together sometime.

That would be fun.

Okay. Well, good night, Abby.

Good night, Jake.

Thanks again for inviting me.

You're welcome. You have my napkin.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Good night.

Bye.

[woman laughing continues]

Good night.Mrs. McClure, if you think

you have any milk left for breakfast, think again.

Um, they finished all the bread, too,

and we could use some more butter.

[Molly] And that Mr. Bates spilled all the orange juice.

Oh, yes, and tomorrow's my day off, you know.

[sighs] Okay.

I'll go to the market tonight.

Listen, as a surprise, why don't you leave

all of this for her till Monday?

[laughter]

Yeah, well, we'll be here

tomorrow morning at 8:00 with the camper.

Have the kids ready.[Abby] Oh, cheerio.

Good night, Abby.[Max] Bye.

Toodle-oo.

[sighs]

[groans]

You have 48 seconds to get to the airport.

You know, what happened was, I was, uh,

I was just getting ready to leave the house,

I was goin' out the door and the phone rang,

and it was the people that I was going to pick up

at the airport-- you know, the 11, I told you.

And, uh, they called from Akron.

They canceled because of a...

Anyway, uh--uh, I could've stayed longer, you know. I'm sorry.

Oh. You didn't miss a thing, believe me.

Good night, Jake.Good night.

Here.

Thank you.

I really am sorry, you know.

You're sorry you got caught.

Well, it wasn't very nice of me to go runnin' out like that.

No, it wasn't nice, but it was smart.

Okay, will you quit makin' it easy for me?

Just let me apologize. Huh?

Okay.

Okay, I'm sorry, and I apologize.

I accept.

Hey, you want to get some coffee?

Where?

At the drive-in.

Oh. Okay.

Okay, okay. I'll meet you there.

All right.

Hi, sweetie.Hi, Herbie.

Well, we're just about to close,

but for you, tell me what it is you like,

and I'll see to it personally.

Order anything you want, and I'll charge you for a doughnut.

[car door opens]

Hey, what do you think you're doin', buddy?

This ain't that kind of chick. This is class.

Get back in your own machine.

Oh, let him stay, Herbie. He's kind of nice.

Well, I hope you know what you're doin',

but from here on it's full price for everything.

Well, can we have some coffee?

Big spender. Not even a doughnut?

No, I want her to love me for myself,

not the things I can give her.

You blew it. You could've had steak.

Huh. You're not sore, huh?

No, I'm not.

Pretty lousy story about the airport, though.

You would've gotten away with it if I hadn't needed bread.

How long has it been, anyway? About six years? Seven?

Yeah, I think about seven.

Two coffees, one with cream.

Sure you don't want separate checks?

How about a receipt for income tax purposes?

No, that's okay. Thank you.

Mm. That's good.

Well...?Nothin'. I'm just trying

to picture you running that lumberyard.

Well, I'm a whiz on a band saw, if that interests you.

You run a home, too, and take care

of all those kids and everything.

Now, that's difficult.

You ever find any time for yourself?

I manage.

I have a housekeeper, Mrs. Benson by name.

Oh, yeah, I met her.

And, um, it all works.

Well, I think he's trying to tell us something.

It's 2:00. Closin' time.

Hey, listen...

Now, don't tell me you were going to apologize again.

No, I wasn't.

Oh, you weren't?

Good night.

Good night, Jake.

Thank you.

[car engine running]

-[engine turns off] -[door opens]

Who, who is it? Jake? Oh, hi.

Hi. Well, I couldn't let you

carry that heavy bag all by yourself.

Thank you.

It's nothin'.

Well, a while ago, I couldn't wait to get out of here.

And now you can't get rid of me. Huh?

Listen, I want to see you again, okay?

Do you?

Okay.

I'm available.

All right.

Tomorrow night too soon?

No.

I'll tell you what we'll do.

Uh, we'll go get some spaghetti or something.

I'll pick you up about 7:00.

7:00?

7:30?

6:30?

[laughs] All right.

[both] Bang, bang, bang!

Hey, now, come on, you guys. Cut it out.

I'm trying to read the paper, so let's have a quiet breakfast, huh?

Now, Mom was up late last night. She's probably beat.

So settle down, all right? Now eat.

Shh.

[Abby humming]

Good morning, group. How you doin'?

Hey, hats off at the table, buddy boy.

Hi, Mom.

Well, hi. Hi, sweetie.Hi, Mommy.

Boy, have we got a day for a picnic.

It is gorgeous.

Listen, don't forget your graduation rehearsal.

Gee, I wish you could go with us.

[Flip] Yeah. [Abby] Yeah.

[upbeat music playing]

[Abby] Hold on till we get the bike off.

[Molly] Wait, wait, wait. We'll get the bike off. There we go.

I guess I'll take care of things here.

Come on, kids. There we go.

You just, uh, go.

Everybody out?

You just go ahead and get dressed.

[Flip] Can I give you a hand?

No matter what time you get home, call me later.

[Flip] Hey, Mom, Mr. Iverson called.

Oh, he did? What'd he say?

He said it was his kid's birthday or somethin'.

Anyway, he won't be able to make it tonight.

[Abby] Oh![crash]

[sighs]

[rock and roll playing]

♪ It's me feeling♪

♪ It's me feeling♪

♪ I have known you All my life♪

♪ Girl, it seems to me♪

♪ That you will always be♪

♪ Very close to me Close to me♪

♪ Very close to me now♪

♪ No need to tell you now♪

♪ At a time like this♪

♪ My feelings Can't be helped♪

Look at the one with the yellow dress.

Oh, they're fabulous.

Aren't you havin' a good time?I really am.

Wasn't this a great idea?Yeah, it was. Huh?

You love it?

Okay, Harry loves it. Don't you, Harry?

Yeah. Well, well...

Harry and I have been dying for an excuse to come here.

♪ I've never known till now♪

♪ Feelings I've had inside♪

♪ The feelings you've Never known♪

♪ The feelings You've never found♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na♪

♪ I will live For a long time♪

♪ And then you'll see♪

♪ Just how sad a man can be♪

♪ Oh, girl♪

♪ Can't you see That it's me?♪

♪ Can't you see it's me now?♪

At least you can tell me what happened last night.

He followed you home from the supermarket--

How does it feel to be married to a sex maniac?

Every home should have one.

Why ask him? Ask the mailman.

Well, you know, really, it's kind of a shame that Jake didn't come

because I think we'd make kind of a handsome foursome.

Yeah, he would like it, I think.

[Max] Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

♪ It's me feeling♪

She's pretty, isn't she?

Mm.

Why shouldn't he go out with a young chick?

Why take a bus when you can fly?

♪ That you will always be♪

Molly, don't forget to have Jason ready at 11:30 for his doctor's appointment.

Oh, Ma, I don't want to go to the doctor!

[Mitch] Bobby Gold's birthday party is today.

You have to have a checkup to go to camp.

And Bobby's present is in on the hall table.

It's all wrapped, ready to go.

[Molly] Mrs. McClure, yoo-hoo, telephone!

[scoffs]

[Molly] It's Mr. Iverson.

Oh--

Tell him I've already gone. I'm in a hurry.

Hey, boss, Michaels said he's got to have all his window frames today.

He'll get it. Will you tell him he'll get them?

All right. Oh, some guy named Iverson

called twice. He wants to talk to you.

Oh, there's his number.Thanks.

[Jason] Well, how we just faked her out, huh, Mitch?

Good night, boys, and I mean good night.

[slow music playing]

[male reporter over radio] San Francisco Bay area

will show signs of precipitation in the a.m.

followed by clearing and...[phone ringing]

...somewhat bluer skies.

Hello.

Hey, you're awful hard to get a hold of.

What are you doin', running from the law?

Hello, Jake.Listen, Flip did tell you

about why I couldn't make it last night, didn't he?

Yeah. He said that, uh, it was

some kind of a birthday or something. It's okay.

Yeah, I forgot all about it.

Hey, you want to have lunch tomorrow?

I don't know, Jake.

It's-- You know, it's, uh...

I-I'm so busy at the yard right now.

Yeah, well, uh, how about some evening, then? Friday okay?

I don't think so, Jake. It's, um, pretty hectic.

This a brush-off?

Well, I guess you got your reasons.

Now, whatever it is, let's-- Let's leave it at that, then.

Okay.

Bye, Abby.

Bye, Jake.

[grunts]

[people chattering]

[Abby] There he is. Look at your brother.

[Flip] Hi, Mom.Hi!

[Flip] Guys.You look nice.

You look terrific.Thanks.

Why you wearin' that funny hat?

Because he's graduating.

Do you know your speech?

Did it 14 times to the mirror.

That should do it. I'm a nervous wreck about that speech.

Excuse me just a second, Mom.Okay.

Hey, Charlie...

Well, I guess maybe, uh...

Boys.

Hey, come back here.

Now, you know what I told you.

If you behave today, you can go with Aunt Max to the lake for the weekend.

But if you don't, the deal is off.

Yay.Flip going, too?

With you? No, honey. He's not going with you.

He's going on his own weekend.

[Flip] I guess we can go on in now.

Come on, guys.

Flip!

Yeah, Mom?

There's a girl standing out there.

Um, she's sort of facing us.

And, uh, she has very long brown hair

hanging kind of in the front with bangs. Who is she?

That's Stacey Iverson.

Finally made it, huh?I'm not quite.

They haven't given me my diploma yet.

Well, you better go get it before they get wise to you.

[male announcer on PA] Attention. Attention, please.

Will the graduates and their guests

kindly take their seats?

The ceremony is about to begin.

Thank you.

♪ Who made me think♪

♪ About you?♪

♪ Till I have no thoughts♪

♪ About you♪

♪ Busy people♪

♪ All around us♪

♪ Disappear from view♪

[sighs]

♪ When you hold my eyes♪

♪ Like you do♪

[sighs]

Good night.

[doorbell rings]

[barks]

[doorbell rings]

Come here.

♪ Love with you♪

♪ Make me sing♪

[whispers] Calico.

♪ About you♪

[lock clicking]

Hi.

Jake...

Listen, I don't know what happened with us,

but I think we ought to talk it over. Okay?

And I brought this, uh, stuff along we could talk it over, over.

Come in.How are the kids?

Fine. They're away for the weekend.

How are you?

Fine, thank you.

Gee, if I'd known it was going to be this easy,

I'd have bought the domestic stuff.

I'll get the glasses.No, I got glasses.

Oh. There.

Thought of everything, huh?Of course.

Hey, Calico.

How are you?

Now you're supposed to eat caviar with this stuff, but I like popcorn better.

You like popcorn?Oh, I love it.

You like it, too.So does he.

Okay...

Now, then...

Champagne Charlie, the last of the big spenders.

Okay, okay, okay. Oh--

Hey, you ever gonna tell me why you're so mad at me?

Nope.

[both exclaim]

Oh!

[laughs]

I had to let you in.

[slow music playing]

[car approaches]

-[engine shuts off] -[door opens, closes]

[barks]

Want some coffee?

Oh, it's late. I think I better go, Jake.

Oh, come on.

[Jake] You coming, Stacey? Stacey.

It feels good in here, huh? It's cold out.

[mouthing words]

Um... Okay.

I'll get the coffee on. It'll be just a minute.

You just sit there and take it easy.

Oh, my goodness. It was so good, wasn't it?

[Abby] I ate too much.

Uh...

what are you reading?

Teen Scoop.

Gossip, huh?

[sighs] Well...

[humming]

Oh, I like that picture of you, Stacey.

It's darling. How old are you here?

Three. It's darling.

Pretty frame, huh?[Abby] Uh-huh.

Daddy gave it to mother for their anniversary.

It's lovely.

[sighs] Oh, my.

I wonder what time it is. Do you know?

Uh, no, but I--I would think it's kind of late.

Yeah, I think it is. Yes.

Oh, dear.

Uh, Jake, I don't think I'll stay and have coffee.

Why not? What's the matter? Oh.

Uh, it's, uh... I have such a day tomorrow.

Well, it's still early.

And coffee...

Good night, Stacey. Uh, I'll see you soon, honey.

Good night, Mrs. McClure.Sure, I'll take you out.

That's okay, Jake, I can manage. Thanks. Good night.

You sure? Good night.[Abby] Mm-hmm.

How about some of that coffee?Okay.

Oh, hey, I haven't got any cigarettes.[car door closes]

I'll go down to the corner and get some, huh.[car engine starts]

Turn that off in about five minutes. I'll be right back, honey.

Back again, huh, sweetie?Hi, Herbie.

Herbie Fleck's too good a thing to pass up.

I figured you'd come around to your senses.

Two coffees, please.

Two coffees. I should have guessed Diamond Jim would be here.

Diamond Jim. Two coffees.

Cigarettes?

Yeah, yeah. I'm buying a lot of cigarettes lately.

This is, this is ridiculous.

Hey, I'm sorry about that kid.

I think we'll just leave her home next time.

Oh, Jake, we just have to give her time, that's all.

She'll get used to me. I think.

Hm.I hope.

I did.Did you?

Hm. You're pretty nice.

[man chuckles]

[Abby sighs][smacks lips]

Well, so long, pal.

Good night.

It's been very nice, Mr. Iverson.

It's been grand.

[male narrator on TV] And now here are some scenes from next week's episode.

[bugle call playing on TV][gunfire on TV]

Okay, fellas.Aw, Mom!

[boys clamoring]

Please, Mom![turns TV off]

Jason, come on, I'll give you a piggyback ride.

Uh, don't bother, Mr. Iverson. I'll do it.[barking]

[barking]

Sorry about that.

Well, I guess he's just protecting his domain, you know.

Stacey does it all the time.

It doesn't mean anything.

It's just gonna take time.Yup, yup.

Excuse me.

[rock music playing on TV]Going out, honey?

No, there's a show I wanna watch. Oh...

Well, why--why don't you watch it in your room, then?

I wanna watch it in color.

Well... I think I'm gonna go home.

[mouthing words]

Well, uh, guess I'd better get going.

Good night, Flip.

[Abby] I'll see you out.All right.

Oh.

Okay.

Listen...

[sighs]

[whispers] See you at the drive-in, all right?

-[car door opens, closes] -[engine starts]

Oh, darn, I forgot Molly's pumpernickel.

Get it in the morning.Oh, I...

Honey, you know how she is.

She loves to have pumpernickel with her breakfast.

I wo-- I won't be but a minute.

[car door opens, closes]

Don't tell me. I know.

Two cups of coffee, right?Right.

The dame's gotta be a masochist.

Hi. Hi.

This has gotta be

the craziest courtship in history.

Well, I'm sick of this drive-in,

I'll tell you that.Mm.

I'm getting kind of sick of Herbie what's his name there.

Fleck.Heh. Fleck.

[Abby laughs]

Hey, listen, you want to go for a ride someplace?

I always want to go for a ride someplace.

[objects clattering]

Flip. You scared me.

Do you know what time it is?

What--?It's after 11:00.

[low talking] You're kidding. Is it really?

You said you'd be right back.

I know I did, but it was such a pretty night

that I, we, uh, I took a drive.

You'd better get to bed. It's late.

Well, you could have called.

I didn't think that you would be up.

You knew I'd be worried,

you being out in the car and all.

Honey, I didn't think you'd be sitting up.

You know what I was getting ready to do?

I was getting ready to call the hospital.

[whispering] Will you please keep your voice down?

You'll wake the boys.

I want you to calm down, too.

I'm sorry if I upset you,

but I just didn't think it was necessary to call.

Now, let's not make a big case out of nothing.

Okay?Okay.

Okay.

Good night, honey.

Mom. What?

Where's the pumpernickel?

Let's shape up, huh, Mom?

[lounge music playing on speakers]

Hello, honey.Hi, Mr. Iverson.

Oh, hi, Janey. I didn't know you were here.

Janey's spending the night.

[Jake] Oh, that's good.

Uh, have a good time at Mrs. McClure's?

Yeah, very nice.

Kind of late, though, huh?

Well, I guess it is.

Gee, I'll go to bed then.

Good night.Good night, Mr. Iverson.

Are you having an affair with Mrs. McClure?

[alarm rings, crashes, stops]

[sighs]

Do you mean am I getting serious about her?

Is that what you mean?

You're talking like a child.

I asked you if you're having an affair--

I heard what you asked me!

What the hell kind of question's that anyhow?

Dad, I'm not a baby anymore.

I understand sex.

I've known about it for years.

What do you mean, you've known about it for years?

No, Daddy, I said I understand it.

I didn't say I...Oh.

Are you having an affair--

[whispering] Will you be quiet?

Janey's out there.

What's the matter with you?

Well?Well, what?

Don't you think you're a little old to be carrying on like this?

[scoffs]

You could get in trouble, you know.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Hi. Hi.

How's it over at your house?

Very hostile.

A little indignant around here.

You know I forgot the pumpernickel? Yeah.

Why didn't you remind me?

Because I forgot.

Oh, I miss you.

Yeah.

Hey, how old are you, anyway?

Why?Never mind.

I just know I'm too old for any more of this fooling around.

You know what I mean?Well, so am I.

I'm not going to that drive-in.You should've been here when I came in.

This is really ridiculous, making up excuses...The house was dark.

...about pumpernickel and cigarettes...And Flip was waiting...

...and getting a sex lecture from a 17-year-old kid....and he turns on the lights.

And I'm fed up with the whole shot.And of course I'm--

Well, so am I.Shut up. I love you.

And you love me, right?

I love you, right.Okay.

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

[whispering] I don't feel like explaining tonight, do you?

No.

That one.

Which one?

[laughs]

I know which one it is.

[sighs]

[whispering] Why don't you go in the house?

No.

What are you standing there for?

Because.

You don't really want me to pick you up

and carry you over the threshold, do you?

Yeah.

You do?

[laughter]

[Jake sighs]

[barks]

[Abby] Shh! Calico.

[Jake] Shut up. We're married.

[Abby laughs]

[Jake] What's a fellow have to do to get tucked in

around here, lady?

Well, you gotta have a number, sir.

Oh, he has to go.

Oh, I'm freezing. Oh, put it back.

[laughs]

Calico, get out of there.

He's ruining those camellias.

[Jake] Come on, Calico, hurry up.

It's 3:00 in the morning, boy.

I'm cold.

What time's Stacey coming tomorrow?

Oh, she's at Janey's for the night,

and I told her to be here about 8:00.

Oh, boy. I can't face it.

Oh, come on, now.

All we have to do, we just sit them down,

we give 'em some breakfast and then you tell 'em.

You're a right-side sleeper, too?

Uh-huh, are you?

It's all right.Oh, Jake.

No, we just got married too quick, that's all.I don't mind changing.

[Abby laughs]Never mind.

I don't care. It doesn't make any difference.

Okay, where are your shoes?

My shoes?Yes, I want your shoes.

What are you doing?

Never mind.

There, that's for my sister.

Your sister?Right.

Anything else?

[doorbell rings]

There's a man in Mommy's bed!

There's a man in Mommy's bed!

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

Molly, I didn't expect you to do this.

I didn't, she did. It's my day off, you know.

Of course, if I'd known this was your wedding day,

I could've rearranged everything, but I have plans.

I'm terribly sorry.That's okay. That's all right.

Oh, well, thank you.

And congratulations, again.Thank you.

Oh, it's so romantic.

Eloping to Las Vegas and all that.

I bet you were a beautiful bride.

Oh, dear.

I guess I'd better go before I get sloppy.

Have a nice day, Molly.

Thank you, Stacey.

Thanks for fixing the table so pretty...

That's all right.

...making breakfast and everything.

Oh, can I help? What can I do for you?

Nothing. I've done everything.

Stace...

Honey, I know how you feel. Really, I do.

And I know how the boys feel.

But you know something?

Oh, I love your father very much.

Please let me do that.

It's okay. I know how Daddy likes it.

Okay.

Hey, these are pretty good eggs, lady.

How'd you know that's the way I like 'em?

Well, Stacey made them. She did everything.

Oh. I always said you're a pretty good cook.

Good morning.[Jake] Hi, Flip.

Good morning, Mr. Iverson.

Hey, isn't it about time you started calling me Jake?

Honey, sit over here.Oh, this your chair?

That's all right.Go on, sit down.

No, no, that's all right.He doesn't mind, Jake.

Okay.Oh, boy, this is good.

Mr. Iverson, are you my daddy now?

Yep. Think you're gonna like that?

I don't know yet.

Hey, listen, I think today calls

for some kind of celebration, don't you?

Now, what do you say we stay home from work

then we can all spend the day together somehow?

Let's do, huh?

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, boy! One big, happy family, yay!

Yay!

[upbeat music playing]

[screaming]

This will take care of our share.

[people screaming]

[bumper cars clanging]

[crash]

[crashing continues]

Stacey!

Boy, am I glad you two got married.

[Abby] You are?Mm-hmm.

Because with six you get egg roll.

Are we going to be going home soon, Dad?

[Jake] Oh, yeah. We were just talking about that, honey.

You know, our house is pretty small,

and seeing as how there's six of us now,

we'd be a lot better off over at Abby's place.

We're gonna be living at her house?

Oh, boy.

You can say that again.

Oh, boy.

What's the matter with that?

Nothing's the matter with that.

Only one little tiny thing,

like there's no room for me, that's all.

You can say that again.

Oh, honey, wait a minute, this is just temporary.

You know, we can fix up a couch or something for tonight.

Oh, great. Excuse me, please.

Oh, Jake.

She's absolutely right.

She shouldn't have to give up her bedroom.

What have you got in mind?

Why don't we all go to your house?

Honey, there's only two bedrooms in my house.

Now, that wouldn't be fair to the boys, would it?

Where--Where they gonna sleep? On the floor?

You don't have to worry about the boys.

They adjust.

[dogs barking]

Tramp, shut up out there.

It's gonna be a night, I'm telling you.

Stop it! I said, stop it right now.

[Calico barks]

Oh, well.

Mr. Iverson, you know what?What?

Our dog hates your dog.

No, they're just talking when they bark like that.

They'll get to like each other.[rock music playing over radio]

Good night, Flip.

You mind turning the radio off, honey?

Good night, Flip.[turns off radio]

[Flip] Hm.

Mom, why can't I--Shh. Your brother's asleep.

[whispering] Mom, why can't I sleep on the floor

like Mitch?

[Abby whispering] Next time.

Tonight you have to rough it on the couch.

Night, pal.

Now go to sleep.

The boys left the sink filthy.

Well, there's some cleaning stuff under there. You know where it is.

I'm not going to clean up after them!

Well, I'm not gonna--I'll do it.

No. Why should you do it?

Nobody has to clean. The boys--

[Abby] I don't mind.Mom, this is a drag.

What is?Can't I cut out

and go back to our place and sleep?

This is our house, Flip.

Yeah, but that crummy cot in the kitchen.

What's so bad about sleeping in the kitchen?

Well, why can't we have some laughs around here?

Hah!

Hm.

[Mitch] Mommy!

You know you can grow to hate that word? What is it?

Can I sleep with you?Out!

Get going!

Nothing the matter with that.

I was just gonna ask you the same thing.

It's very important for Stacey.

She's the one who has the big adjustment to make.

What about Flip? It's not so easy for him, you know.

He's used to being the man around your house,

and now he winds up out in my kitchen, on a cot,

with his radio off.

I know I shouldn't laugh at that,

but what else can we do?

Well, what we gotta do is sell both of the houses,

then we buy a new one

and we move into that.

And it won't be your house, it won't be my house.

It'll just be everybody's house, okay?

That's a very good idea.

And until we sell, we're gonna...

Ooh!

Until we sell, we'll alternate...

What?...between the houses.

Go back and forth.

You mean, a different house every night?

Why not? We can manage.

I married a gypsy.

We have to be fair to everybody.

[gargling]

Then when Molly is over here, we'll be there,

and when she's there, we'll be here.Yeah?

Yes, and then Stacey will have her own bedroom,

and that's what I want.

She's got to have her own bedroom. Oh.

That do anything for you?It better.

Kind of cute.I'm exhausted.

Mommy.

[crying]

[Abby] What's the matter?

I can't find the bathroom!

[upbeat music playing]

[tires screeching]

There are a couple of things

that I think we ought to hash over.

What I started to...

There's a couple of things that I--

[saw buzzing]

It's darling. Oh, I love it.

Why don't you take that? Oh, come on, Stacey.

Okay...

How much is that bill?Ah, $29.95.

No, no, no, no, no. I'll pay for it. I have an account here.

Oh, fine.Daddy gave it to me.

I know it's been hard for you

to get used to having a father around the house again.

But I think if both of us just--

[saw buzzing]

Thank you.

Uh, I'm sorry, but I have to go.

I promised to meet some friends.

Oh, okay, honey. I'll see you later.

Whose house will we be at tonight, yours or mine?

Mine.

[rock music playing]

[lively chattering]

Hey, come on.

Are they having fun out there?

Oh, I hope so. I don't know.

Listen, when are you two going to stop

this traveling circus bit, back and forth, huh?

What did you get in Vegas, a marriage license

or a driver's license?

Oh, you haven't even had a honeymoon.

We know that.

Look, why don't you both come up to San Francisco

with us for the weekend?

Hey, that's a great idea, huh!

I wish we could. We can't.

Why?

Because the kids, they'd kill each other, that's why.

Well, now, there is a perfect solution:

When you get back, you keep the winners.

[Abby] Hi.What's going on in there?

Stacey's just having a party, that's all.

We wanted to watch the basketball game in color.

[boys groaning]Come on, guys.

What did you say about San Francisco?

Oh, boy, am I ready.

You know, one thing I don't understand

is why parents never run away from home.

Well, we'd love to have you come.

Well, let's go, Max.

Oh, I'll be right there, honey.

Well, see you around, fellas.

Oh, oh, no, no, dear.

Bye-bye.Bye.

Listen, I just told you a second marriage would never work out, right?

Get out of here.[Abby] Be careful.

[Molly] Mm-hmm.

Hello.

Here I come, ready or not.

Oh![Jake] Mm!

[all clamoring]

[Flip] Hey, come on! Come on!

[Jake] Come on, we're going to my house,

where we can be alone.

[Cleo] Oh, Jake...

Well, howdy, neighbor.Hi, Cleo.

[Cleo] Sorry I haven't been over lately.

I've been in Mexico getting a divorce.

Oh, yeah.[car door closes]

I'm sorry. I thought you were alone, Jake.

No, no, I'm not.

Abby, uh, this is Mrs. Ruskin.

She's my... She's the neighbor next door.

Uh, this is Abby, my wife.

Well, I just happened to be walking down the street.

It's a nice night for streetwalking.

She is your wife, isn't she?Mm-hmm.

[sniffs]

Will you two be living here?

No, I really don't think so.No, no.

No, I really don't. No.

Well, have fun, kiddies.

Oh, uh...

you have my number.

Uh-huh.

We do?

[sighs] Well...

[scoffs]

She used to baby-sit for Stacey.

Uh-huh.

Besides, her husband is about that big,

and he's a tackle for the Green Bay Packers,

and I'm scared to death of him.

Oh, Mrs. McClure or Iverson.

Hello, Molly.

This is my night to be here, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, yes.Mm-hmm.

Yes, you're right.This is Mr. Weiss.

Nice meeting you.

I already know Mr. Iverson.

Post office department.

Had this route for 14 years.

Yup.How do you do?

What happened? What did you come back for?

Oh, well, uh...

Mr. Iverson... We...

I wanted to see if the "for sale" sign

was still out on the lawn.

It is.

Well, uh...

good night. Have a nice time.

[Mr. Weiss] Nice meeting you.Thanks.

Congratulations, and good luck on your marriage.

Oh, thanks a lot.Well, thank you.

Good night. Thank you.

Tomorrow's my day off, you know.

Yeah.

[Jake] You know we're right back where we started, don't you?

Well, I guess so.

Even switching houses hasn't helped, has it?

No. I'm getting very depressed.

Here. It gives you gas.

I...

Pleasure to serve you.[laughs]

Why don't you come in again sometime

when you need empty cups?

Why don't you two get married so you'll have a place to go?

Why don't they get married so they'll have a place to go?

My house...

would be perfect, but we need another bedroom.

We haven't got another bedroom.

And that way...

Molly would have a bedroom

and Stacey would have a bedroom.

We haven't got another bedroom, honey.

I can't just, you know, snap my fingers like that

and get you another bedroom.

[Abby] You just did it.

[Jason] The camper! The camper! The camper! Yeah!

Now, we're gonna use the camper for the extra bedroom

until Aunt Maxine gets back from San Francisco.

We're all gonna quit moving, this back-and-forth stuff

and we'll stay right here in this house.

Yeah! Yeah!

Your mother's got a little headache this morning so...

[both quietly] Yeah.

[Jake] That's better.

Hey, Mom, can me and Jason sleep in it?

The camper! The camper! The camper!

No. No, no, no.

You boys have to sleep in the house.

Good morning, everybody.

Hi, Mom.

Good morning.

[groans][Flip] I'll take the camper, Mom.

Oh, fine, Flip. That's good.

But he already has a room.

Why can't I sleep in the camper?

We didn't think you'd want to sleep out there, honey.

You take my room.

Oh, thanks a lot. I don't want your room.

Look, it's settled. Forget it, will you?

But I want to sleep out there!

[all arguing]

Quiet!

Oh, excuse me a minute.

I'll tell you who's gonna sleep in the camper.

Your mother and I are gonna sleep in the camper,

and that'll be the end of it. What?

You and I are gonna sleep--But I thought you said--

Quiet! Be quiet. Be quiet. Be quiet.

And you be quiet.

You've got a headache, remember?

Now, you and I are gonna sleep in the camper,

that's who's gonna sleep in the camper.

That is the end of it.

Right now. Once and for all.

And don't hold dinner for me, because I'll be late.

Now look what you did.

What I did?[Mitch] Yeah!

[arguing continues]I'm sorry.

The mood.

[arguing continues]

What?I'll be home early.

I knew you would be.

[Abby laughs]

I'm sorry. Bye-bye.

We will sleep in the camper, though.

[boys arguing]

Knock it off! Now, go out in the back.

This is adult talk.

Big man!

Go on.

So, my room isn't good enough for you, huh?

Nothing about you is good enough for me.

This house is so weird!

Do you know what's wrong with you?

What, Mr. McClure?

You're spoiled rotten, Miss Iverson.

[Flip] Excuse me.

Stacey, what are you looking for, dear?

A glass.

They're right in here, where they've always been.

Everything's in such dumb places here!

At least in our house, you can find something when you want it.

Well, why don't you rearrange the kitchen

the way you'd like it, Stacey?

Why don't you do that?

Well, I do know what Daddy likes.

Okay, Stacey, you've got your wish.

If you want to be the lady of the house,

you're gonna be it.

It's Molly's day off and you can

just take charge of everything.

We'll start with the ironing,

then we'll do a little mending,

floor polishing, a little silver polishing.

Don't forget to do the bedrooms

and clean the bathrooms.

Then you'll have to do a little marketing for dinner

and we'll have dinner at 6:30.

Have a nice day, Stacey.

[Abby] If you want me, I'll be at the hairdresser.

[marching band music playing]

Oh, hi, Stacey.

You'll have the room in just a shake, honey.

How's it going?

Here's the list. All finished.

Oh, thanks.

Except I didn't know where to put that big silver tray.

Oh, in the living room chest.

Oh, what about tomorrow's list?

Would you like to work on that?

But tomorrow's Saturday.

Well, I know, honey,

but there's an awful lot to do.

You gonna have to get an early start.

Let's see, first, I want you to call your friends

and go to the beach for the whole day.

Then come home and fix your hair and your nails

and make some nice long phone calls

and have your dinner, and go to the movies.

Unless you'd rather be the lady of the house.

Stacey!

Get some rest. You can use it.

-[car door closes] -[car departs]

Hi.

What are you doing in a cab?

Oh, the car broke down way out in the boondocks.

What have you been up to?See for yourself.

Nearly had a breakdown, too.

Where's Abby?

Oh, she's in the bedroom. She just got home.

"Laundry, ironing, mending, floors."

Just got home? Where's she been?

I think she was out shopping,

getting her hair done, and stuff like that.

Her hair done?

You mean, you did all this by yourself?

Sure did.

Been at it since this morning.

Floors, too. Hmm.

You know, Dad, it made me realize something.

And would you mind telling me what the hell's...I'm sorry.

...going on around here?What?

I'm talking...Where--?

This is what I'm talking about.

Now, how come you got to lay all the work on Stacey anyway?

What's the matter with Flip?

Well, aren't you silly?

What do you mean, silly?What's the matter with you?

Why do you have to lay it all on her?

Flip's playing basketball.Oh, he's playing basketball?

That's great!Stop raising your voice to me!

If you shut up long enough, I'll explain it to you.

Don't tell me to shut up!

I won't discuss it with you, Jake Iverson.

Well, that's fine! Who wants to discuss it?

If you want to know the truth, it was an experiment.

An experiment?Yes.

In what, child labor? A 14-hour day?

That is the lowest thing--Lowest what?

I was trying to help her!Help her?

It'll never happen again, I'll tell you that.

You can be damn sure of that, yes.

You big bully!

What's he so sore about?

Just go to bed, both of you.

You owe me an apology.

I owe you an apology?You certainly do.

Owe you an apology for what? You owe me an explanation.

I still don't know what this is all about.

I don't owe you anything! You're just stupid.

If you don't know what I was trying to do for that girl...

...then there's no reason for me to even be here.Don't call me stupid.

I didn't call you stupid.You just called me stupid!

And you know something, you're right!

I am stupid. We own two houses, and I'm sleeping

in the back of a truck!

And whose idea was that?

All right, it was my idea.

Flip wanted to sleep out here.

So Flip could sleep out here.

Right. Fine.

That was brilliant. That was a brilliant idea.

Whose idea was it to get this thing in the first place?

Do you remember that? Yours!

No, you don't remember

because it was down at the drive-in

and you were roaring drunk at the time.

That's a nice thing to say.

Why don't you shout it for the neighbors to hear it?

You were roaring drunk at the time!Would you-- Jerk--

Ooh! You're just mean!

And you know you're wrong about Stacey.

Of course, I'm wrong.You're dead wrong.

I'm a husband. I'm your husband, I am married,

I've got to be wrong all of the time.

You can't even say you're sorry!

Oh, I am sorry, all right. I am sorry.

That's a nice thing to say. What are you sorry about, getting married?

Did I say I was sorry I married you?

No, but you're thinking it.

How do you know what I'm thinking?

Because I happen to know what you're thinking every minute!

Oh, you're a mind reader!If that's the way you want it,

then it's fine with me!

Fine with me!

And you can go back to that baby-sitter,

whatever her name is!

Cleo. Her name is Cleo!

[slow music playing]

And furthermore, she can have you!

I'll deliver you there myself, personally!

Bed and all.

Bed and all!

[tires screeching]

[silence]

Abby!

[tires screeching]

[sighs]

[engine starts]

[screams]

Jake...

Jake, I want to apologize.

I'm coming back right now.

Jake.

Jake.

Jake!

[tires screeching]

[people chattering]

Here you go. Two coffees.

They're on Fleck. Again.

[whistles]

[whispers] Hey, hey.

[whistles]

Listen, can you, can you lend me some clothes to wear?

It was that dame, right?Yeah.

Tore the clothes right off you.

No, no.What a tiger.

How about some clothes? You got any...?

I ain't got no clothes, except dirty uniforms.

That's fine. Anything.Dirty uniforms?

Yeah, I don't care.Okay, I don't mind.

It's all right with me, buddy.

This is the latest color: chocolate.

Oh, it's all right.

Well, I, uh... I'll tell you one thing.

I hope you're not gonna make a regular thing out of this.

No.This is a hot dog stand, not a haberdashery.

I know. Can you give me a lift home, do you think?

Now I'm a bus station.

Hey, Duke!

[whistles]

Duke, come here! This is, you know,

not part of the regular service here at Fleck's.

Come here. Okay.

Give this guy a lift, will you?

I got deliveries to make.So you got another one.

Drop them and dump him.

[Abby] Pardon me! Pardon me!

Oh, I'm--I'm looking for someone.

Actually, I'm looking for a man.

Man? How's that again, baby?

Well, I'm looking for my husband.

I--I lost him, and I--I've got to find him.

What does this cat resemble and look like, baby?

Actually, he-he'd be very easy to recognize

because he's in his undershorts

and he's, I think, carrying a teddy bear.

A teddy bear. He took a trip. Went that way.

Wh-what did he say?

He went that-a-way.

Thanks very much.

Saddle up, friend. We shall give thou a hand.

That is our bag, to help folk.

We will follow us!

We gotta find little old teddy bear!

Yeah! Yeah!

[rock and roll playing]

We better stay with 'em.

[chickens clucking]

[Herbie] Hey, come on. You didn't turn sharp enough.

Will you pull it out?[driver] All right! All right!

Where'd you learn to drive?

You're blocking my whole place!

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[chickens clucking]

[tires screeching]

What's the matter with you, you dumb blonde broad?

Are the chickens all right?Are they all right?

She hit a chicken truck, huh?

Route six is just one big fricassee.

Driver's rounding up the birds.

Then he'll be down to press charges.

Look, Sergeant, I've got to find my husband.

Your royal fuzz, let our mother go.

♪ Let our mother go♪

Are they with you?

Your fuzziness,

my group is baby's character witness.

We are about to commit for you one sit-in

until our baby is thoroughly released.

Bye-bye.

[all] Yeah.

Down, cloud, down.

[officer] You've got no driver's license,

no identification.

I think I'd like to talk to this husband myself.

Pick him up.

Okay, let's have a description. How old is he?

I don't know.

Sergeant, the whole thing happened because of the children.

They were only happy living in their own home.

We tried moving from place to place, and it didn't work.

Then we decided to go to my house.

We thought the camper would make everybody happy.

That didn't work, either. Jake and I had an awful argument

and I said all kinds of nasty things to him,

things that I didn't mean, and I said:

"Okay. You can go back to Cleo.

I'll personally take you there myself."

That's what I was doing. I was taking him

when he fell out of the camper.

I was--That's fine. That's fine.

You're free, baby. You're free.

You're not going anywhere, sister,

but into a cell.

[all murmuring]

What is this?

You're allowed one call.

Use the pay phone, please.

I demand my ri...

I'll take it.

[crowd groans]

You ain't groovy.

[Calico panting, barks]

What's going on? Where's your mother?

She's in jail!She's where?

Police station. She needs identification.

Well, here. Give me that. I'll go.

Mom called me. She doesn't want you,

and neither do we.

I heard you yelling at her.

We had a nice peaceful family here until you came along.

So why don't you just take her and go back where you came from?

You stay here with them.

I'm gonna take the station wagon.

[all protesting][dog barking]

Shut up, all of you!

Oh, all right. Come on.

Just a misunderstanding, Sergeant.

Any further questions, you can contact me at my law firm.

All right, Mr. Scott.

The truck driver will be here any minute.

You and Mrs. Iverson can work out

the damage claims with him.

Okay, all settled! Now clear out of here!

Not so tout de suite, my sweet.

We go when baby go.

Stacey can't accept me,

and the boys can't accept Jake,

and that's it.

[engine roaring]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[crash]

[chickens clucking]

[driver] You see what you've done?

Look, I'm sorry, mister.

I didn't see you were gonna turn.

Sorry? I'll show you how sorry you're gonna be.

Hey, hey, hold it. Wait a minute, fella.

Just take it easy, huh.

Who sent for the Good Humor Man?

You don't go hitting kids.

You go on over in the car. Go on.

All right, I'll hit a man.

[barking]

[barking]

[groaning]

[Abby] Jake. Jake.

Oh.Jake, are you all right?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I'm okay.

What did you do?I'll tell you later.

[Jo Jo] What-- What's happened, ma'am?

Don't worry, Mom. We'll get you out.

[officer] Quiet. Just hold it down here!

Mom? Are you the husband?Yeah.

I didn't recognize you without the teddy bear.

[Jo Jo] He didn't know the teddy bear!Oh, oh, teddy bear!

Our teddy bear.[driver] Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You mean to tell me that she is part of this family?

This has got to be a plot

against the chickens of America.

[makes clucking sound]

[driver] I want to press charges against all of them!

[all clamoring]

[officer] Hold it down! One at a time!

All right, you first.

There was an accident in the parking lot.

I don't know whose fault it was.

[driver] He doesn't know whose fault it was.

What parking lot?Out there.

When I got there, this ape here

was trying to beat up my kid.

And when my dad tried to break it up,

he hit him when he wasn't looking.

[driver] Self-defense, Sergeant!

The whole mob came at us!

Even her. She tried to knock my head off.

The girl was in this, too?

Why not? She's part of the family.

[Jo Jo] Groovy tribe.[woman] Yeah, yeah.

[driver's helper] They fight dirty, too!

All of them. Look where that little kid bit me.

It serves you right.

You're twice as big as my brother.

[all clamoring]

That guy there. He had no right to mix in.

He sure did. We're his family.

He's our father.

[clamoring]

Perhaps this can best be settled in court.

Have your attorney call me.

Thanks, Uncle Harry.

[driver] Uncle Harry?

They even got their own lawyer?

Well, I guess that about settles everything.

All right, you can all go.

[cheering]

[officer] You guys never stood a chance

when you took on that family.

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

[upbeat music playing]

BUDDY MOVIE REPACK