Original subtitles

To our Alberico.

Cheers!

People say Naples should change,

Not bad!

but why don't you also change

It's our butler, he loves to amaze when he enters.

Mantua, Rovigo, Aosta?

Come along, let's bring in the knédel.

But why is the butler wrapped in a rug?

Because he's Persian!

- What's happening? - They must be beating the rug.

-They do it at your house too, right? -Not with the butler in it.

Dust those corners, your uncle attracts dust.

It depends on the butler.

Not on purpose!

Listen, if you ruin this evening for me,

Sometimes I think he does.

I'll send you back to jail.

We dust him every day, but there's always this darned layer.

She said "jail"?

I could have suffocated.

- I heard "quail™. - Quail? In the knédel?

Poor uncle!

So, what's the new marketing director's profile?

Maybe a Greek profile like my husband's!

A GODFATHER IN THE LIVING ROOM

- Not to return to the subject... - Please, do.

Little Alberico, was walking defenselessly.

Wake up!

- And from behind... - We've already said that!

Wake up, school won't wait!

Let's say it again!

When from behind came an aggressor, Coso Jr.

"If you want to do something special,

now's the time."

An aggressor!

If you want something special...

This dipshit's son started it all.

- Now's the time. - I want to sleep.

Dipshit father, dipshit son.

It's not the time.

- Is he Neapolitan? - Romanian. He loves to sing.

Go today and bring home a nice A.

In life we must invest in ourselves.

- Wasn't he Persian? - Persian in ancient times...

According to present Romanian borders.

It's a famous song in Romania,

"I wasn't born for defeat...

Nor does failure run in my veins.

like Volare for us.

What a strange language, it sounds like swearing.

I'm a lion,

Iwon't listen to those who cry and feel sorry for themselves

It's true... it does.

When actually, it's full of words of love.

because it's a contagious disease.”

And dedicated to you.

Are you gonna tell 'em

Michele,

or am I, to fuck off.

that promotion must be ours, we deserve it.

- You know, don't you? - I know, darling.

Are you gonna tell 'em, or am I, to fuck off...

This particular passage means "I love you™.

Good morning, ma'am, how are you?

Fuck off!

Nostradamus says:

"Fuck off" to you too, my love.

"When our neighbor replies, the world will end."

And your sister!

Polenta!

Do I serve the whore?

Yes, please serve the whore.

Who?

Fortuna, stick your head out, you're making crumbs.

In Romanian, polenta: whor-a.

It's cold, Daddy.

An ancient Persian word.

Sweetheart, stick your head out or stop eating.

- Careful! - Apologize.

I apologize, I clean, old remedy.

- No need. - Saliva and a drop of wine.

- What are you doing? Please ! - More saliva.

- Here we are. - Bye, Daddy.

Akiss!

- He spit on me. - Really? I don't think so.

- Vittorio, why are you grumbling? - Because I hate this school.

What's he doing? Is he crazy?

Bye.

He's on trial.

Up your asses, you bunch of jerks!

Wait, Doriana!

No strumpet for me!

You're leaving?

Too bad, I made strudel, and everyone always like it.

Gocrap!

Say goodbye to your uncle, he's leaving tomorrow.

I wonder: who'll be the new marketing manager?

The one with your creativity, courage and imagination,

Excellent!

Where are you going?

in other words, your balls.

To jail.

Important news:

Please, he's our only uncle.

as of tomorrow, the cafeteria ham will be exclusively hand-cut.

He should have thought about that.

He ruined my life, now I'll ruin his.

Too bad you'll miss it!

Excellent, they don't know what they missed.

Remember: we don't sell houses, we sell...

Actually, you ruined mine first.

- Chalets. - Cold.

- Villas. - Dreams!

Me? Could I decide anything when I was six?

- Get it in your head. - Of course.

Bring it in.

I'd say it's an explosive metaphor.

But you were older, you could decide.

You could have chosen not to be a criminal.

Thank you.

A nest,

the symbol of safety, of welcoming, of home.

What do you say?

Uncle defended me, you didn't.

Why do you think I didn't?

Interesting...

What if we cut the family?

For your future and your sister's, to give you what I didn't have.

That's why I didn't defend you.

To strengthen the nest idea?

Good, Coso!

Say something, Dad!

I feel creative: why not cut the nest, too

leaving just a blue sky with:

What can I say?

"Edil Manetti, your house, your dreams"?

Crap?

No.

- We could cut the sky too. - Let's keep it, I like to be daring.

Butler...

A mental retard! How disgusting, he spit on me!

You'll do something to that Coso, won't you?

I had to throw my clothes out and you know what they cost.

Such ugly people in such a beautiful house, what a shame!

Do you think I smell of tomato sauce?

You do.

That's disgusting, I disinfected myself!

You smell of tomato sauce.

- That's the limit! - Mom!

"Mom, Mom"...

We open this evening with crime news.

Maybe not the front row, but I don't see why

A dangerous Camorra member, Ciro Cimmaruta...

you're always last with that fatso in front of you.

Carletto, the retard!

- What are you doing? - You've really disappointed me.

...from the Ciciarielli clan in Mezzotto, a town in southern Italy,

- Self-esteem, my girl! - Mom, please.

is a guest in our province.

What are you doing?

Don Ciro is under house arrest at the home of his Neapolitan sister

who has lived for years in our lovely town.

My lady's daughter doesn't go last, she goes first.

The clan heads are on trial in Naples,

- What are you, her mother? - I'm the nanny.

among them is the fearful Don Ciro,

slender, average height, cavernous gaze, bug eyes,

Music!

Now they're all improvising as nannies...

his face commands fear and respect.

- I've been a nanny for twenty years. - How long?

Twenty years.

My daughter should be in front!

Ma'am, what are you doing?

Follow me.

What's your problem? You're hurting the child.

I knew it!

So?

No news yet, but I see some light,

a nice success for the new ad campaign.

Mr. Manetti didn't like last night's dinner?

- The one with the nest? - Right.

- Hi, sweetie! - Lice!

Damn, I'll kill them off with Napalm.

We should befriend the Manettis, get into their circle,

breathe their air, drink their water.

- It's for our kids" future. - You know I hate pulling strings.

You're so old-fashioned, it's called PR now.

I'm your new secretary, my name's Florance.

Cristina, please, trust me.

And this is your new office.

Push 9 and I'm at your complete disposal.

Daddy, Vittorio got an A in English.

Yes, I forgot.

May I go?

- My son? - The one and only.

You're sure?

That's great!

- There are even tangerines! - Actually, they're oranges.

There must be a mistake, this is someone else's office,

I'm Coso Michele.

- Mrs. Manetti! - With whom am I speaking?

No mistake, Mr. Coso. May I go?

Cristina D'Avola, pleased to meet you.

- A new sales clerk? - No, I'm a customer.

- If I push 9... - I'm at your complete disposal.

Florance...

It's an honor to shop beside a woman of your stature.

- If I push 9. - At your disposal.

Perfect.

Thank you.

Did you know I live in your house?

Florance!

Poor thing, in one of the shacks my husband builds.

The values of fairness and justice,

accusing his own offspring without hesitation,

Did you know my husband works at Edil Manetti, too,

courage, loyalty...

"Courage and loyalty are the DNA of your principled family".

side by side with yours?

Incredible! The whole city works for Carlino's company.

He really said "principled"?

Principled! And then...

"It's the DNA a marketing manager of respect must have

and you, Mr. Coso, have it".

You have it!

And then: "Dulcis in fundo, I'd like to emphasize

how likeable and lively your brother-in-law was,

in the delightful butler sketch".

Glad he said that!

After all the work we did,

we earned some luck.

It's not luck, it's merit.

Our luck is that Vittorio wasn't suspended from school.

Oh, that's a relief!

Get the champagne glasses.

Do you have a secretary?

My secretary...

Don't make me jealous!

- Do you have a big chair? - Very big.

Vittorio, Fortuna, come celebrate with Daddy!

I want the cork.

Come on, let's toast.

Won't you tell Daddy how good he is?

- I want some too! -Adrop.

Vittorio, aren't you glad Uncle Ciro stayed?

The Intercity train, from Naples Central,

All thanks to Michele Coso,

is arriving on track 1.

the peacekeeper.

Speech!

Okay, I'll make one.

To the North

which always rewards hard-workers.

To the great North.

That separates grain from chaff,

but especially,

to my family

that's nearly perfect.

Atoast!

Why all the mystery, officer?

How do you think they found out he's my brother?

Let me guess: I parked up a tree.

Who?

The Manettis.

You said they liked

It's not a fine?

my brother's butler sketch.

How did they find out Ciro's my brother?

How urgent?

Extremely?

Why even ask?

Now?

You look so much alike.

Alright.

- Think so? - Yes.

Want to bet it's a fine?

You have the same melancholy in your eyes.

This isn't a fine, Ma'am.

Is this a guessing game? Please, tell me!

Why dwell on this?

Sign here, meantime, thank you.

My office shows what the Manettis think of us.

I see an irregularity:

here it says Carmela, you can't sign Cristina.

- My name's not Carmela. - Maybe you're not even Neapolitan!

- That's what they all say. - The inspector.

“Carmela D'Avola, born in Mezzotto, province of Naples,”

Do you think it's right to promote someone who tried to murder...

etc, etc...

not just bruise, but murder your son!

Do you confirm?

Parents' names?

We've talked about this,

- Which parents? - How many do you have?

Edil Manetti risks bankruptcy.

Santagata, be more tactful!

- Thanks to whom? - Real estate is in trouble.

We need fresh money to save our asses.

- Write "unknown" or "NN". -NN?

- Know who has it today? Them ! - Them?

"The undersigned declares she is a gypsy..."

The Ciciarielli clan has oodles of money,

Listen, either you tell me why I'm here or I'm leaving!

oceans of money we have to get hold of.

Ma'am, calm down!

That guy's a Mafia boss!

You have a brother, right? Ciro,

A mental retard!

Cimmaruta Ciro.

Toto Riina didn't seem like a boss,

- Your above-mentioned brother... - Is dead?

the members of Pooh seemed like friends.

No, but he's in trouble and must be brought to trial.

Appearances can be wrong, you don't seem like an entrepreneur's wife.

Because you're no entrepreneur,

One more, one less...

you've had a miracle, you inherited the family business,

My brother is a hoodlum.

This time it's not petty theft, it's quite serious.

my family's.

Details. Do it for your father!

- Organized crime. - Camorra, to be exact.

Leave my father out of this!

We have to save our skin, befriend the Cosos,

Camorra?

That's impossible,

get into their circle, breathe their air, drink their water.

my brother is a hoodlum, but he's not in the Camorra.

What counts for them is the family!

The court will decide that.

- Anyway, it's no business of mine. -Yesitis.

You scare me when you sound like a genius.

- No it isn't. - Yes, it is, Ma'am.

The above-mentioned Cimmaruta Ciro

We have to befriend the whole family.

has indicated his sister's home for his house arrest.

We all have to do our part, you and Alberico too. Brake!

My home?

Next week the grass from Wimbledon will be here.

No, I haven't seen him in a thousand years

- Yippee. - Kiss.

and when I did, it was best I didn't.

Manil, cappuccino and roll, hole 9.

- He's still your brother. - You take him in!

No, my mother-in-law lives with me

Mr. Coso!

and it's no picnic, the inspector knows.

Good morning.

Thank you for the splendid Saturday you've given me,

Good morning, Fortuna.

Good morning, Vittorio.

I'll be leaving now.

- Wait! - I'm going home.

Daddy?

Today the world ends and I still haven't kissed anyone.

- Wait a minute. - Ms. Carmela, ma'am, stop!

My name's not Carmela!

Calm down, think.

Coso, what do you propose?

- It's all locked up... - Ma'am!

Keep your brother until the judge comes, then you can refuse.

If you leave now, you're in trouble.

- When's this judge coming? - Monday.

I have a thought

and it's for Mom.

Mr. Peter, I'd like to pay you back,

The sun burns

I'll do it now. Your account number?

on my face...

No way, you offend me!

Carmela!

Fortuna!

Ma'am!

Mr. Ciro?

You're happy I came to visit, right?

You got a family?

Certainly, mountains really suck.

Remember, if you cheat I'll poke your eyes out!

It's cold in the mountains, the people are cold,

the pizza's cold,

a cold that seeps into your...

Listen to me...

I have a family.

- A husband, two kids. - Good for you!

I love the cold, I cherish dampness.

I can't stand warmth, including people's,

or hands on me, people who gesture.

Look I'll call Sister Giuseppa!

Recycling gives me joy

- Who's that, Mommy? - Who's that?

A strange animal with a nun's head

and I've never had the least doubt where to dispose of styrofoam.

and a body like a rum baba.

I don't eat pizza, I love knddel

I'll make you pay next time.

and, especially, remember my name isn't Carmela.

I saw you Ciro, you did that!

You did that, Ciro.

Carmela,

Come here!

what the fuck are these knddels?

Both of you over here!

C'mon!

I'll go, Daddy!

Daddy!

- Here I am. - Don't open!

Hey, it's Uncle Ciro!

I lost the bet, unfortunately it wasn't a fine.

Alfa Romeo Giulietta, a 170 horsepower engine,

Why the long faces?

cruise control, suspension selector,

Aren't you happy your uncle feels better?

leather steering wheel with radio controls.

He wasn't sick, he was dead, there's a big difference.

Tell me, if the seats recline

Dead? How dramatic !

can we inaugurate it?

No, Ciro, please, don't touch it.

Carmela,

is that me?

Uncle, you died during the Easter procession,

you were playing Jesus, right?

Then, there's another small gift for the whole family.

No, or I'd remember.

- Opera tickets? - No, almost.

- Why did you tell us he was dead? - Stop asking, now he's resurrected!

- Can I open them? - Mommy will.

It takes three days to rise from the dead.

- Did you know that? - No.

I'm always the last to know things in this house.

How did you pay off the mortgage?

It's a benefit reserved for managers.

But, now we have to look for the positive side.

I once had a weird parrot,

Yes, your uncle's alive and here with us.

he wouldn't repeat and would back-talk.

So, welcome your uncle, whe'll be leaving on Monday.

If I said: "Go fuck off",

he'd answer back: "Same to you".

- Fortuna. - Vittorio.

-Alberico passed me his English test. -You've learned to get respect!

- I'll be staying a month at least. - Sure, a year...

Until the trial!

Next time give him a good head butt.

A pleasure. Michele. Trial?

- Sit down? - No, he invited me out with friends.

- I'm going out, bye. - Have fun.

So, I strangled that parrot...

You're in witness protection?

That's why you didn't say anything, so we wouldn't worry.

What a great smell!

Where do you want to sit?

An act of courage and a splendid example for my children.

No, I'm going out.

Don't I deserve an evening out with my new Giulietta?

The hell I'm a witness! I'm the one on trial,

ldo!

they accuse me of being in the Ciciarielli clan in Mezzotto.

- Have you seen my brush? - I don't use them.

- Southern Italy? - Very Southern.

You don't use soap either.

The one time I cook, you all go out.

That's really funny!

You know how many times I cooked and no one ate?

You picked a real idiot!

She calls crudités cooking!

I really am a boss, not a jerk like you.

- Fortuna, are you going out too? -Dunno!

Mommy, am I going out?

That's why Mom told us you were dead.

Maradona said it was God who punished the English...

- What do we do with Fortuna? - 1 don't know, what?

- We forgot to have dinner! - No, we had the crudités.

Can we leave her with Ciro?

I thought that was an appetizer, you could have told me!

Sure!

If you like, you can stay with your uncle.

- You'd have eaten ours, too? - No, the kids.

Bye.

Just kidding!

Ciro,

- Get up, I'm making your bed. - It's about Maradona, deep silence!

please...

Don't worry.

You can pause it and see it later.

Thank you, goed night.

Really?

I sleep with two pillows.

- Eat up, Uncle. - It's just the start.

Nothing better? This couch reminds me of my fugitive life.

- This isn't a hotel! - Or a restaurant either.

Good evening.

- Do you smoke? - No, Uncle.

My dear!

- Good evening, Coso. - Good evening.

No smoking in the house, we're a "smoking-free family."

My compliments, what elegance!

Oh, I see... What the fuck's that mean?

Thank you, Dory.

Dory,

Go outside to smoke.

a folksy nickname at last!

I've always loved homespun folks.

-Coso! - Good evening.

- See the frescoes? - Yes, they're beautiful.

I'm putting up a false ceiling tomorrow, they distress me.

Sonia, Cristina.

- You're beautiful. - Thank you.

The city councilor's wife.

- Lovely woman. -A whore.

Hi Marta,

Are you nuts?

say hello to the children.

Don't throw firecrackers in the garden! Are you crazy ?

They're little monsters, ugly, ugly, ugly.

1 lit a cigarette.

Hello sweetness!

We'll look bad with the neighbors!

Dad?

She may be sweet but she's uglier than sin!

- Do you know her? - No.

To bed, c'mon!

My sister.

- I meant the old woman. - Meaning my mother?

Night!

Excuse me, Debora...

- Night, Uncle. - Night, Niece.

Thank you.

Michele,

tell me something,

what was your cat's name?

- We don't have any cats. - You don't?

Our neighbor does, Caty.

- Is Ciro late? - He needs permission...

- Are you okay? - A mobster's cramp.

And we won't give it,

so he stays with the children to increase their attachment.

-Canlgo? - Get some shut-eye, I'll clean up.

- So, he won't be coming? - No.

Night.

- Not even later? - No.

I got a brother-in-law

Why isn't he coming?

who's a tad faggot...

I'm sorry, I didn't know it was so important for you.

Why didn't you ever say you have a brother?

Of course it is!

Hospitality is sacred.

If your brother was the Rostov Ripper, would you?

- We're sorry. - He'll come next time.

Of course!

What a shame, we had a surprise for him.

Is he dangerous? We have kids !

I mean, for all of you.

- But he's not coming? - No.

Good grief, it was just an example!

Everyone, a moment of silence,

What are you scared of? Sleep !

here's the surprise I promised. Maestro!

Anil.

Here's to you, the queen of desserts,

He didn't sing, did he?

the sfogliatella.

Because when he does?

It means he's on edge, it's better if he doesn't sing.

Oh shit, he sang in the living room earlier!

We're all going to die, I know it.

What's that noise?

Nothing, it's the storm.

No, hear him?

That's him, he's in my bathroom.

- Get him out right now! -Me?

Me, I'll go.

- Oh no, sorry! - Michele, c'mon in.

- I don't think I should. - No formalities, we're a family.

Let's chat, it's been ages.

- We've never seen each other. - Yeah, right.

You're always cleanin'? Are you a little pansy?

No.

- Things okay with Carmela? - Sure.

- The humpin*? -Huh?

Do you hump?

Yes, yesterday, today, tomorrow...

- You dance so well. - I don't understand.

I mean, it's good.

- You dance so well. - If I may say so.

Come here.

You look like a girl.

Closer.

Don't you dare talk about my sister like that.

Right, I meant no offense.

Uncle, if they find you guilty, will you go to jail?

Will you scram? A little privacy !

- My respects. - The door!

Sorry.

CATY, WHERE ARE YOU? COME HOME ! WE CAN WORK IT OUT.

Can I tell you something?

Ladies and gentlemen, wake up!

Shoot.

It's Sunday, but that's no excuse for loafing.

I hate ballet.

A world of possibilities is outside, should we miss them?

I mean, I don't hate it, I feel silly in a tutu.

Or do you want to become like your uncle?

So, the problem's not ballet, it's the tutu.

What is it, an earthquake?

- Does Mommy know? - Are you crazy?

Oh, my God!

- She thinks the perfect daughter... - Wears a tutu.

Don't let him scare you, he's a bit faggot.

Right.

Who is it my pleasure to meet?

- What's your name? -Janine.

A fantastic evening.

- Is she your girlfriend? - Sure.

Can you lend me some money for Janine?

Vittorio, what's wrong?

Please, don't die!

- I'm scared, call an ambulance. - Don't worry, it's nothing.

Excuse me, please.

Go Janine, I'll send a bank transfer.

Did they want to make fun of us with that Neapolitan song?

The sheet!

No, it was a gift, they don't know you're ashamed of your origins.

Lord,

let this be just a bad dream.

Please, give me a sign.

The beer's warm.

You're so lucky!

There they are!

Go!

- Where's his wife? - I don't know.

- Say hello. - Not here, we're in church.

Darling, say hello!

- Make the lettering bigger. - Bigger?

It looks good on you!

Sit up straight.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, Amen.

Maria, please, don't let my genius husband

ruin my father's company.

Please, stop him.

A disability... semi-permanent,

permanent lumbago, kidney stones, prostatitis.. your choice,

just stop him.

From woman to woman, you can understand me.

I know that face, what's wrong?

I'm in need, let me hear your voice.

What's wrong is that Vittorio came back drunk and stoned.

Mrs. Manetti.

It's that bastard Alberico who's leading him astray.

Call me Doriana.

For one beer too many, how you carry on!

Thank you, Doriana.

- The Manettis are bastards. - They're a respectable family.

The other day, there was no time to invite you to supper.

Someone else is the delinquent.

What supper?

Sorry, I didn't mean it.

The Last Supper?

Let's not fight.

No, the first.

Vittorio's in his adolescence,

Do you like knédel?

he can finally go out with friends, have fun.

Believe me, it's all okay.

Please, it would be an honor to have you for supper.

I can't smoke,

gotta lift the toilet seat to pee and they're always shouting,

even the kids are weird... Counselor, jail's better!

Relax and concentrate, brotherhood unites us.

What? Jail's a pain ! At least they're your family.

Today's objective is to fly,

Who are they anyway?

fly together,

fly elsewhere, fly within.

The cuckold's in the nest,

Doriana, thank you for inviting me.

It's nothing, dear.

unknowingly...

I needed to relax a little.

So, breathe.

Cute bunny.

Carlo and I were thinking:

why don't you come to the opening of Tosca with us?

I'm starving!

-There's more crudités in the fridge. -Don't worry, I'll catch up tonight.

That's an opera,

the most important high-society event of the season.

- What are you doing? - Studying.

- She studies all the time. - Studying what?

Don't say no, you must be our guests.

An essay on my family.

I'll give you a hand!

- I dictate and you write. - Okay.

My family:

Thank you, Doriana, I'm honored.

The whole family though, Ciro too.

it's...

none of your fucking business.

Ciro too?

Where are you going? Not without an appointment.

Too short?

Miss!

- He wanted to kill my nephew. -Alberico is reckless... An olive?

- You have to sign my report card. - Sure, gladly.

With a cocktail of drugs and alcohol.

Let's see...

Right, because Alberico is a thug.

Actually,

No, wait a minute.

he's a coward, an animal, what's more...

This isn'tan Ait'san F.

he's a son of a bitch!

What an exaggeration! They're kids.

It's not that he lied,

But it mustn't happen again, or I'll have to...

but that he got an F and F's have no place here!

- What's more! - That jerk has it in for me!

Is it normal to write Shakespeare is a soccer player?

Wait, Don Ciro...

Forgive me, I'm not sure the word "Don" is right,

Fortuna!

William Shakespeare, born in Stratford-upon-Aven in 1564,

I've never met such a powerful man, I don't know the etiquette,

but believe me, Don Ciro,

is renown as the greatest English poet of all times.

we're fond of you and your family.

Thank you.

- You're a whiz! - Vittorio I

I do a lot for my friends:

I promote them, give them new cars,

Falsifying a report card means not only betraying our trust,

but I want

it'sacrime!

my friends to give me affection,

- Like asking for protection money. - Loser.

understanding and love.

Vittorio, don't call your father a loser!

My company is a safe refuge for your group's capital,

Think it, but don't say it.

if not, friends become enemies,

The kid's mortified, that's enough, let's eat.

understand? Crap?

No, I'll decide that.

Naturally, you'll decide that, but let's eat.

No.

- Fortuna! - William Shakespeare, born...

- Good night. - Good night, Uncle.

Michele, I have something to tell you.

Good night.

Me too. Who starts?

Huh? Good night?

Manetti gave me the national advertising campaign.

- Good. - I'm so happy.

Even the crudités are finished.

Good thing tomorrow's Monday.

Hi, darling.

If you'd rather not take your brother into your home

- Come here. - In the middle?

as he awaits a preliminary hearing, that's your right.

- I have something important to say. - Me too.

I have something even more important:

Actually, our house is small...

the Manettis have invited us to the Opera.

And my husband is almost a marketing manager...

I can't come.

You're wrong, they want you to come, too.

We're a decent family, we shouldn't...

With the Manettis? Never.

There's no need for justification.

Ciro, it means a lot to me,

I've known lots of people who've abandoned their brothers!

I want to see Tosca with my whole family.

Isn't going out for a pizza better?

Sign here and you'll be refusing him.

They make a great pizza here.

Are you kidding?

You still think the only good pizza is made in Naples?

I hadn't seen him for 15 years,

Stop!

besides, doesn't he have a house?

It's the season's biggest social event and you talk about pizza?

But you've been good, you've built something in these years.

Everyone who counts will be there.

You came North, had two children, a nice family.

Please, it's a dream for me.

No one has ever given me anything.

It's a dream for all of us.

Of course, Mrs. D'Avola.

Sign here, and Ciro will wait for his hearing in jail.

She hates tutus.

Never pack it down, it's criminal!

When you prepare the coffee pot,

Did she say that?

the coffee should make a hill.

Even if it spills all around, it's okay,

She's cute in jeans too.

the more you spill, the better.

I taught her how to prepare the coffee pot.

How are you raising her? She didn't know about the hill.

Now I see why they take guns and wipe out their families.

-Whoisit? - The verdict is imminent.

Counselor!

The stuff in the fridge is our property. If you want to eat, shop.

Pack your bags, if you're acquitted, you return to Naples.

The third rack is yours,

If you're convicted, you go fo prison, also in Naples. Happy?

stay away from the first and second, those are ours,

mine and my family's.

I can't come, I'm seeing the opening of Tosca, the event of the season.

We make our coffee with this.

What? Are you crazy?

My sister needs me.

Confirmed, you're crazy!

The ‘hill' in this house

Mommy says you have to speak Italian and smile,

is absolutely forbidden.

even if you don't like the Manettis, okay?

I get it, you're a "hill-free family."

Even if they bug you, okay?

- I'm ready. - Let's see.

- What if they call you "idiot"? - I smile.

Here are two of Michele's suits, two shirts,

two pairs of shoes.

- "Moron"? - I smile.

Throw everything out and wear these.

- "Bastard"? - I smile.

No gold chains, no Rolex,

Good!

no shiny jackets, and above all, no pointed boots.

- Are you ready? - Almost.

"Redneck?"

Those are my best clothes I

Here's your toothbrush, use it.

Redneck...

How do I look?

- And don't mix it with ours! -ifldo?

I'm wearing these spikes just for your future.

Jail!

Get rid of the Neapolitan dialect and that toothpick too.

You're beautiful!

- Who's better, me or Florance? - Florance.

Never say who you are or where you come from,

- Thanks. - You're not coming?

if they ask you, say you're our butler.

I'm going out with Alberico, there's a party at a pub.

You'll sleep in Michele's train room.

- No, not the train room! - Yes, the train room.

Come with me!

We'll talk about it later.

- Mommy, Uncle Ciro has become good! - Meaning?

Let's say Daddy is Manetti and he offends you.

- It's Daddy's train! - Oh, God!

It's not a good idea.

C'mon, offend me.

If you really want...

Swindler!

Michele, you scare me!

More!

- Wretch! - More!

Good morning.

Fairy!

- Fuck, it hurts! - Michele!

-Am I bleeding? - A little.

What a nice evening!

It was just pretend and I got a head butt.

- That's enough, he apologized. - Think about the real Manetti.

Manetti called me a fairy.

That was me, just pretending.

Promise me you'll behave.

You'll promise, won't you?

I've worked here since 1996, I bought a company house

- Have fun. - Remember, no drinking.

- You remember too, Uncle. - Don't come home late.

and you say if I don't pay the mortgage on time, you'll foreclose?

I heard that right?

You haven't paid for three months, want to end up in the dungeon?

"Friendship" means nothing to you?

No.

Flash news:

a turning point in the Ciciarelli clan trial,

where Ciro Cimmaruta is the defendant. Stay tuned.

Each day that I wait is a finger less for you, clear?

Very clear.

Thank you, Mr. Peter.

Mr. Mayor, good evening.

- Four tickets for Coso. -Coso?

Is that right?

There are no invitations for Coso.

- There's a mistake, check again. - I say there are none.

Don't force me to call someone, check again.

Don't insist, they're not here.

Oh, God, a corpse in the kitchen!

Ma'am, move aside.

No,

because I'm sure there's been a mistake.

Look, follow the footprints, go see.

- It's a matter of minutes. - No, it's a matter of respect!

It's our right to enter,

-Me? - Michele!

if you don't know who we are, that's your problem not ours.

Maybe, but you're not going in.

Call the police!

- Let's go have knddel. - Knédel?

Darling, call the police!

- Are you're boiling our neighbor? - What neighbor, what blood?

- Spaetzle, something with speck. - Go have a pizza!

I'm canning tomatoes!

I said knédel, you can't make a decent pizza.

- Take the bottles in the kitchen. - Michele, don't!

- The redneck has spoken... - Calm down!

Drop those bottles.

- What did he say? - He's a hick!

Michele, take them.

- He said redneck, I heard right? - I heard him too.

Michele, drop them.

- Take them. - Drop them.

You can call your sister ‘redneck'!

Hurry inside, come see what's there.

That's enough, darling! But you too...

What else is there?

Michele, the bottles.

No crudités today, I cooked something.

May lightnin' roast you, you idiot!

Sorry for the mess, but it was worth it.

She said lightning should burn you up,

Here you are!

without leaving the least part of your shit figure intact.

In order of appearance: "homemade bread",

macaroni omelet, sausage and broccoli rabe,

mozzarella from Battipaglia and eggplant parmesan.

And then, dulcis in fundum...

the queen of desserts, a pastiera!

I'm sorry, but this stuff will never enter my home.

- We're an honest family! - What are you doing?

What do you think happened?

I'm throwing it all out!

Nothing,

No, not the pastiera!

it was a misunderstanding,

- The pastiera goes! - The pastiera stays.

I hope they weren't offended.

The pastiera goes!

- Call them again. - No, I've called a thousand times.

We're a pastiera-free family.

I'll see him in the office tomorrow.

I feel sick.

Please, call them again!

Be strong!

She's like that when she cares for someone.

It's still off.

Jesus Arrested

Vittorio?

He's already here?

- Is everything okay? - Sure, why?

You're back much earlier than we thought.

- Did anything happen? - No, a fantastic time, and you?

With this the last trace is gone.

Us... a great evening!

You're still pissed off with me for that thing.

Night.

No, why should I be?

They only arrested you in front of the whole town,

you became a criminal, going in and out of prison,

why should I have it in for you?

- I've changed. - You've changed?

My father died in the Camorra,

Sure, you made a career advance,

my brother died in the Camorra,

you're in the Camorra!

and I, one day, "died" in the Camorra.

Congratulations.

How shameful!

When you left it wasn't easy for me either.

Carmela, ma'am, yesterday's was the last hearing

Think it was easy for me?

and all the informers exonerated him.

But I have to thank you,

you made me so ashamed

- 1 don't know this guy Ciro. - I think he's got no balls!

that I found the strength to leave that place.

Who the fuck is he?

When you were a little girl, I was your hero.

- Aren't you pleased? - Very much.

Acquitted, not even a trial.

He must be a petty crook,

Right. When I was a little girl.

like we say, a small fish.

Honestly, your brother bragged about this thing. Mafia boss...

The Perfect Camorra Man

- Like me saying I'm an inspector. - Don't you dare!

I don't know him!

I've never seen him.

Some people work tomorrow!

- Say hello to Don Ciro. - Thanks for the coffee, good bye.

You animal!

When you prepare coffee, do you make a little pile?

The hill? Yes.

Vittorio!

That's why it's no good.

How do you get revenge on someone?

When you make coffee, you have to press it or it's no good.

What's there to get revenge for! Go to bed!

I was terrible in school, too.

- Indeed! - We'll go to the cafe, goodbye.

If you're terrible in school, you'll do fine in life.

It's not like that anymore.

Vittorio!

Come here, sit down.

Coso, come with me.

If you really want revenge,

make him shit his pants,

- My love, tell me! - My brother's been acquitted.

the ideal is the severed head of a horse.

- Acquitted, really? - Yes.

Problem: you have to find a horse, cut off its head

Great news, we'll toast tonight.

-Did they say what happened? - The dungeon?

and I assure you, it's not easy.

The horse goes wild... Go run after the horse!

Can you hear me?

To be practical, the best thing is a dead cat.

It's all cleared up with Manetti, I'll explain tonight,

I have to go.

Find a cat, you cream him,

Where are you taking me? Do you know who I am?

wrap him and take him to the location of the offense.

Does Marketing Director, Mr. Coso Michele ring a bell?

I'm Titina, the secretary on floor -3.

Get it?

Sure, you don't want to help me.

This is your new office.

Hold this.

Whatever you need, don't call me.

Hold this.

Give me the car keys.

What's a dead cat doing in the freezer?

How do you usually preserve one?

It's punishment for the bad advertising campaign?

How do you usually preserve one?

I don't know!

Can I help you?

I need some information.

Which car is the English teacher's?

I can't say, for his privacy.

Thank you.

Privacy!

Look in here, so you'll see who you're dealing with.

That asshole of a school principal

Scared, huh?

What is it?

I took the wrong animal, shit!

I'm incorruptible!

Where's the car?

Tell me why you boasted about being in the Camorra?

I knew you couldn't be an animal like them.

- What are you doing? - 1 made a mess, run!

What gave you the idea? Why?

What the hell...

Because I wanted to belong to something.

You should have said it's not your English teacher, but Alberico.

- What a pain though! - The best defense is an attack.

You belong to my family.

React, or instead of slashing your bike tires,

next time he'll dissolve your sister in acid.

- Want me to shoot him? -No!

Thanks for the offer, but I'll work it out myself.

Yeah, right!

Did you tell your mother?

Ciro, Carmela,

Your father?

get up, you'll get all dirty!

Okay, you told me.

- What's so funny? - I'm thinking about Dad's face!

It's nothing funny.

You bastard!

Listen, Mr. Principal, you're not kicking us out,

Vittorio, if I were God... this would all be the sea.

we're leaving. There's a big difference.

I've calmed down, but he's punishing you for a month-old fight.

You've even started smoking?

Let's tell Alberico to speak to the principal, he'll back you up.

Let me be, I've got loads of worries.

He didn't let me into the party.

What's the matter? Your train broke?

What?

- They slashed my tires. -l didn't doit!

- The tickets for Tosca? - They weren't there.

The loan sharks did!

They've demoted me, moved me to the dungeon, taken the car...

Why did you go to loan sharks?

How could I have put people in pea pods?

Because your sister spends a fortune.

- I like it. - What?

Your ad! It's cool,

- She does it for the family. - I know.

it gives the idea of warmth, home, protection.

Know what this house costs and how much I earn?

Thank you.

-1,500 euro. - That's not bad.

You won.

1,500, three times one is 3, three times 5 is 15...

I'll ring and say it all, I'll say...

"Darling..." Better "honey"!

That's over 45 thousand euro a month, that's good!

"Honey, the time's come to tell you

You can't make that with protection money.

that I've been fired, nearly fired.

1,500 euro a month!

Holy Jesus!

But it's right because I'm a piece of shit

If I don't pay the mortgage, they'll take the house.

who does shit ads, so be disgusted with me, walk all over me..."

I'm afraid, what can I do?

Don't overdo it!

Talk to your wife, tell her the truth

-Less? - Yeah.

and spend less.

When you love someone, it's not easy to be truthful.

Come here.

Listen to Ciro,

Courage!

eye on the loan sharks, those guys...

Thanks, talking to you really helped me!

Darling!

I'll have a drop of grappa and try to sleep.

Darling!

Manetti sends his love, another pay raise

- Thanks. - Anytime.

and many compliments for the advertising campaign.

- The one with the peas? -Atoast?

To my family,

including Uncle Ciro, who's been acquitted.

The cat!

They know where I live!

They found me!

What's wrong, you're not toasting?

- Bye. - Bye, Vittorio!

To me, who's been fired... or nearly!

A matter of hours.

To me who's been suspended!

Good thing nothing's happened to me.

Coming!

Are you wearing make-up?

What did he do?

He beat up Alberico Manetti.

- What's going on? - Uncle's been acquitted.

I hope there's no problem at work.

Alberico Manetti?

Oh, my God!

Are you crazy?

What? What's your uncle got to do with Dad's job?

I told him too, that's no way to...

It's useless to invest in your kids!

What's the connection?

Alberico Manetti, I can't believe it!

Can you tell me? What have you got to do with us?

Why don't you say anything?

My son's an idiot.

He beat up his future.

You knew it all the time and didn't say a word?

- Does it hurt? - Mom, will I get suspended?

You were right, it's hard to be truthful with those you love.

For your own safety, I hope not.

My son's an idiot!

Mommy, telephone.

Shove the offer-of-the-year up your ass!

It was Mrs. Manetti.

Oh, Lord!

Hello, my dear!

Stay focused, it's the chance of a lifetime.

Great happenings!

- Where are you going like that? - Nowhere.

I want to be elegant when I spit in their faces.

You won't spit in anyone's face,

a little birdie tells me you won't be at dinner.

-No? - No.

Uncle!

Mom, he died again.

No, I just knocked him out with a sleeping pill.

As a child, you know...

- Are you nuts? - It's no tragedy.

Get the rug, we'll wrap Ciro in it.

something's hurting you and you grit your teeth so you don't suffer,

Your uncle's better in there.

Wake up!

because the moment you give in...

you're scared you can't bear it.

Cold cuts and traditional cheeses from Trentino-South Tyrol

Then you grow up...

and meat puffs Cristina-style, that's me.

- Meat puffs! - Yippee...

and try not to feel the pain you felt as a child.

I can't stand criminality, not even in baby form.

The moment comes when...

Scrumptious tarts?

My son was attacked by a wild beast.

you don't feel anything anymore

"Wild beast" is a bit excessive.

and you get messed up, all messed up...

No, it's the right definition. Olive?

I'd rather not say it was a Mafia execution, but...

You want the family you never had.

Of course!

Yes, the perfect family.

What else do you call a cowardly attack from behind?

What an idiot!

It's just kids' stuff, let's enjoy the cold cuts.

Poor kids, ruined by a half-crazy mother.

- We frigging won't! - We fucking won't, I say!

And their father?

Ambitious, a dreamer... A loser!

Let's get to the point, our son's a thug.

But it was nice thinking we deserved it.

An idiot and a loser, what parents!

But we're perfect just like this.

- I made it myself. - It's compact, just how I like it.

Thanks for everything, Cristina!

My name's Carmela!

Vittorio, if I were God...

forget it!

Time to eat!

He was a rat, we shut him up!

A bear who blabs is a dead bear.