All language subtitles for Not Safe For Work s01e03.eng

When I was managing you, in London,
it was all I could do...

.. to move you out here.

Would you fuck Nat?

You seem to have been more than
a little brusque, Katherine.

Did you know Jeffries is
looking to fire people?

She asked you to send her
a copy of all the material

you'll be briefing the
Minister with next week.

- Everything you've got is shit, yeah?
- Oh, yeah. So where do we start?

Delete everything. Pretend you
lost it all to an IT glitch.

- Let's do that one, then.
- Yeah. OK.

I think it was yours. I did
the dates and the maths.

- But after she... went...
- She?

Probably not the best
time to tell you.

I'm gonna hand my notice in.

Then we won't have to
do all this ever again.

DANCE MUSIC POUNDS

Hello!

Chip?

HE CLOSES ZIP

ALARM BEEPS

PHONE RINGS

MUSIC: I Heard by Young Fathers

? Science is eerie when
you're still around

? Killing your body
cos they found you out

? Calling the shots and
I'm falling down... ?

Morning, Jenny.

Have you got something really mean
and horrible and nasty to say to me

- to ruin my day for no real reason?
- No.

I'm... just saying "Morning, Jenny".

I'm...

< RAISED VOICES

You all right, mate?

What's the point?

I really don't know.

? Inside I'm feeling dirty

? Inside I'm feeling dirty

? Inside I'm feeling dirty... ?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Can I, you know, come in?

Er, right, erm...

- Danny?
- Yeah?

Who's that?

It's, er, a little girl.

Yeah. I mean, should she be here?

Now, that's not massively reassuring.

Jeffries wants to see us now, so...

- Why? - We've been nominated for OBEs.
- Really?

No. It's probably to do with
the files we destroyed

to cover up the fact you haven't done
any fu.. fu... flupping work here.

OK, I don't want to know
where she came from at all.

Just make sure Jeffries doesn't
see her or anything, OK?

Got it. On it.

Will you be all right here
on your own for a little bit?

What the fuck are you wearing?

- Shorts.
- Yeah. Why?

- Bit hot.
- Right.

- So where did you go last night?
- Toilet.

Yeah, after that, you
silly little fucker.

And who is that?

I've, er, I've got...

Can you make sure no-one
sees that she's in here?

Please? Yeah?

Hi.

Do you know how difficult
it was to tell London

that we have conspired
to lose the entirety

of the Immigration Pathway's
work for the last 12 months

and therefore cancelled our
presentation to the Minister?

Quite difficult?

Yes.

OK. But it was just
a little IT glitch.

- Well, they're sending someone.
- Who? - London.

Here? When? Who?

Yes. Soon. Je ne sais pas.

Fuck!

Yes. I'm also under quite intense
pressure to lose some staff.

But due to your recent drunken
indiscretion, Katherine,

it's going to be very difficult
indeed to remove Jenny

without her having
significant grounds

for harassment in the workplace and
therefore -- Q-E-very-much-D --

a rather concrete case
for wrongful dismissal.

Particularly galling since the
only other clear candidate left

- for chopping off and out -- Angela -- isn't.
- How come?

Well, I re-checked her appraisal
records and she is, in fact, er...

"Industrious, hard-working
and superbly focused

- "on task and knowledge management."
- That is correct.

- Is it?
- Now...

I can't fire you, Katherine,
because in many ways --

recent sins aside --
you're simply brilliant.

Oh! Thank you.

So who does that leave?

Consider this a warning,
then, on a few fronts.

None of which are all quiet.

She's not gonna find a little
girl in there, is she?

OK.

You all right, mate?

You don't, like, need looking
after or anything, do ya?

No, great. Thought not.

- We need some policies.
- Why?

Because the Immigration Pathway is
meant to generate policy, Danny.

We don't have any and
London is coming.

How do we do that?

Right, just gather everyone that
you trust -- not Jeffries --

into here, OK?

OK. Where are you going?

I could really do with a hand today.

Someone else who knows what
the fuck they're doing.

Well, I don't.

Not since you told me that I
could have been... you know...

That's why I'm gonna
hand in my notice, so...

I told you, resigning is stupid.

And I told you I'd rather
be stupid than a...

Than a...?

I... I can't remember
what I said after that,

cos I was quite angry,

but whatever it was is what
I said and nothing's changed.

- If you could just...
- The answer's no, Katherine, OK? - OK.

It's just sometimes you
need to ask a question,

even though you know what the
answer will be. You know?

JENNY SIGHS POINTEDLY

Right.

Well, we really need
to, erm... just...

Oh. What are you doing?

Taking minutes, innit?

- Er, yeah, we're not gonna do that today.
- Why not?

That is her, like, job.

Well, I'd like this to
be just off the record.

Well, I don't fucking need
to be here, then, do I?

Well, maybe you do.

You know, maybe if you can contribute
some ideas on, well, immigration?

I'm a PA, not an ideas twat. Yeah?

Oh! Don't worry, don't
worry. I'll get it.

Oh, I'm looking for Danyak.

- That way.
- Thank you.

Oh! It's all fucking
go here today, innit?

Er, yes. I suppose it is.

You're not Danyak?

No.

And, er, are you management?

I'm... Anthony.

No... I mean, you have
your own office?

Oh, yeah, I just... I can't
really work in crowded spaces.

Yeah. I wonder why.

Oh, no, no, it's a focus thing.

I don't normally...

This usually just stays
there on the desk.

Well, do you maybe want to
put it back there, Anthony?

It looks heavy.

- So where do I find Danyak, then?
- Depends.

On what? The weather?

No. He can be a bit, er... wayward.

- In what way?
- Most of them.

I'm Martine, by the way.

I don't suppose you can
point me in the direction

of a functioning kettle, could you?

So... any policy ideas? Jenny? No?

Not a single idea or thought?

I think she might do.

It's just that she's not talking
to you at the minute, Katherine.

So...

I don't know how many more
times I can say sorry

for what I said to
you the other night.

- A million?
- That's not really possible.

Maybe you aren't really sorry, then.

Should I, like, ask her
the question for you?

No! Look, Jenny, this isn't
really about me. Is it?

- No, this is about trying
to do our jobs properly. - OK.

Well, I did actually do a bit of
work on inter-faith playgrounds.

Right. What are those?

Erm... playgrounds. You build them.

And then people from, like,
different faiths... use them.

How's that different to
just a normal playground?

Well, you put a different sign up.

Erm...

And then you could, like,
help everyone integrate,

because you'd have a list
of everyone in the country

and what their ethnicity is.

Sort of like a register,
but for racial...

And then you can use that
to bring people together.

Or, you know, keep them apart
if they don't like each other.

- A register? - Mmm.
- Isn't that a bit... German?

Oh, the Germans do
it already, do they?

No, they already did it.

And how... how did that go?

Pretty badly.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

Have we worked together before?

It's just you look a bit... familiar.

No, I don't think so.

What's your surname? Might help.

McCutcheon.

HE LAUGHS

- What is it really?
- McCutcheon.

You're called... Martine McCutcheon?

- It's my married name, yeah.
- Oh.

Could have been worse. Could
have been called, er...

No, I literally can't
think of anything worse.

Good policy cuts across key issues.

All right?

So, whenever I've looked
at this area in the past,

it's usually about
social housing, hmm?

And... schools, because
these are the two places

where most immigrants come into

that we have some kind of
concrete influence over.

So we can stop people ghetto-ising.

You know? Being... cut
off from each other.

- There are other areas we can look
at as well. Do you mind? - No.

- She find you, then?
- Who?

- Suity cunt. - Who?
- She's all elbows and...

- Has someone just turned up?
- That's what I'm saying.

And who is it?

Dunno. I'm not fucking Derren, am I?

Well, is she down from...
UP from London?

Probably, yeah. Looked like it.

So what do you want me to do
with this little girl, then?

Look, maybe you should just go
and take that little girl back

to wherever it was
you got her from, OK?

Though I'm not actually sure
I entirely, like, remember that.

Well, maybe you should have a
little fucking think, Danny, OK?

So what's it like up here?
Organised chaos, I hear.

Well, I'm about to hand
in my notice, so... Yeah.

That bad?

Are you here to check up on us?

I mean, you're not important
or any...? Are you?

Well, yeah.

I work for the Minister. I'm
one of his special advisors.

So, yeah. Guilty, Your Honour.

Shit. I better shut my
fucking mouth, then.

Oh, no, no. Open wide.

I think she's tired.

Can you, like, get up
now, yeah? Is that OK?

- Give her a kick.
- No!

Slap, maybe?

Just shut up, all right?

All right. What's your
plan now, then, Gandhi?

Cos he's peaceful, not cos of...

Work experience.

Do you think they're,
like, coming back?

Dunno.

Well, we'll see, won't we?

I think it's that way, maybe?

Fucking drive there, then.

Nice to meet you, Anthony.

Yeah, I think we may have a, er...

- Good grief!
- .. problem.

- Don't have your own office, then?
- No.

You want to mix it up out
here with the masses?

Che Guejeffries?

Very you. Well, the Minister
-- Steven -- not happy at all.

No, I know. Yeah, I did hear.

Cancelling his presentation.
Losing all that work.

He can smell bad headlines.

And immigration is a very
warm spud. Hot potato.

Oh, yes, well, erm... Both matters
were deeply unfortunate.

- I think you make your own luck.
- Where are you going?

Well, this is Danny's
office, isn't it?

Yes, but he's not around
at the moment. He's, er...

Maybe I should just brief you on
where we're at at the moment...

No, you can wait. And I'm
up to speed, thank you.

Young Anthony told me a huge amount.

All the comings and
goings. Fascinating.

Is she a big deal, then?

She has the Minister's ear...
eyes... most other parts too.

Well, go on, then.

Thank you for looking
after her today.

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you knock.

Well, this isn't your
office, so I didn't.

Told you, I'll deal with you later.

Look, implementing change has never
been your strong point, has it?

I mean, you were explicitly
told to let people go here,

which you haven't.

Yes, there have been
some complications

with firing weaker-performing staff.

Well, it's your job to navigate
those complications.

Simplify them or push on through.

If you can't, what's the
point of you, Jeffries?

Are you letting personal animosity
towards me here interfere with...?

No, no, no. I'm just being honest.

You should call your brother
at some point. He does miss you.

I very much doubt that.

Are you... smoking again?

No.

So what?

Just cos you wanna leave, you're
gonna sell us all out?

- What are you talking about?
- Briefing the Minister's... bit.

- Bit?
- So? What did you tell her?

- Martine?
- Mm-hm.

- Not much. We just had a coffee.
- Why?

Because that's what people do with
their mouths, Katherine, in society.

Yeah, and what do you want
to do with her mouth?

- Are you ten?
- No, I'm twenty-fucking-nine!

Fuck me! Are you... are you jealous?

No!

No. No, no, no, no, no!

This is about you, OK? Not
helping us when we are...

It's about you wanting
to control everyone

and make them do the Whatever
Katherine Wants Dance.

That is not a real dance.

I have a coffee with
someone, you go mental.

You were... you were gonna have my
fucking kid, and you ignored me.

I had her!

She just didn't have a heartbeat.

- That's all.
- She was definitely yours?

Wow!

Yeah. I didn't tell you about
it properly at the time,

but I had to go through that, OK,

and you haven't even
nearly acknowledged

what happened to me, have you?
OK, then. Quit. Fuck off.

Depart. Please, Anthony, just leave!

Do the fucking Katherine Dance!

Angela's upset about something.

Do you want a coffee?

So, if she asks you anything
specific about policy,

just look towards me and I'll
chip in, because remember --

you don't know anything.

You want me to pretend
I don't know anything?

- No. You actually don't.
- That's easier.

In a way, yeah.

But as I said, just
let me do the talking.

Just nod a lot. And smile.
That helps. Usually.

I can... I can do that.

Brilliant.

And whenever you even vaguely
think about saying something,

just shut the fuck up, OK?

Yeah.

- Maybe something came up.
- Mmm.

Do you want some ice, maybe?

Ah! Wonderful to meet you at last.
I've heard a lot about you.

And how exactly do you
pronounce your name?

There seems to be some sort
of confusion about that.

Danyak something, is
it? Or just... Danny?

Just call me Danny, yeah.

You sure?

- And you are?
- Katherine.

Oh, yes. Heard all about you.

Maybe it's better if I
speak to Danny alone, yes?

It's just we've been working
very closely since I arrived.

Yeah, I'd be more comfortable
if Katherine stayed.

OK. And is there a reason
for the, erm... the face?

- Yes.
- What?

Violence.

Moving on...

Tell me about the Immigration
Pathway's little IT glitch.

Well, what to say?
We lost everything.

And now we are pulling it back
together, slowly but surely.

Just that I've heard rumours
that what you lost

maybe wasn't of the highest quality
or particularly coherent.

That's not true. Who told you that?

OK. So please can you describe to
me any of the policy initiatives

that were so sadly lost and were
of such high quality, then?

Er, well, we've got a few projects
that we are still knocking around.

Some inter-faith projects
and, er, a mapping project.

Can Danny explain it to me, please?

If you would. Thank you.

- Well, I am happy to...
- I know.

It just seems to me
that it's Danny's team

and it has been for over a year
now. You're just a newcomer.

As such, it would be nice to
hear his voice on the matter.

- Yes? Or am I going mad?
- Well...

So Danny? What was lost,
to your knowledge?

Fucking loads.

Well, um, yes. Just tell me one
policy area to start off with

that you understand fully. OK?

Childcare.

Go on.

Well, say if you're a little
girl here on an estate,

and your nan is back
in Nigeria, in Argos.

Lagos.

Yeah. And your nan is
a bit old but still fit.

Physically, mentally, not sexually.

No, no, no.

So she could, like, come over
and help with all the childcare

and your mum could go out and
get a full-time job or whatever

and maybe even have the odd, like,
guilt-free night out or whatever,

but instead she -- your mum --

has to work, like, little shitty
part-time shifts whenever she can.

You know, when people can look
after you for the odd hour.

Then your mum could get off
working benefit stuff as well.

Let me stop you... please.

- Please.
- Yeah, please.

Are you suggesting some
sort of amnesty for visas

for elderly non-EU relatives,

who can come over and help with
childcare arrangements and so forth

and get people from firstand
second-generation immigrant families

off benefits, by freeing them
up to find full-time employment?

- Am I?
- Yes. - Yes.

OK.

OK, yeah, that could
actually have some legs.

If we could manage the political
messaging, obviously.

Well, I could do that.
Definitely. Fuck it, you know?

Yeah. And have you
run the numbers on it?

Costed it and everything?

- Er...
- Course. Like a glove. - Yeah.

So this is actually the sort of thing

you could come and brief
the Minister on, isn't it?

- No, not just now.
- Don't see why not.

- OK, yeah, sure.
- Let's do it. - Absolutely.

Great. Great.

Would you rather have
no hair, or no teeth?

No hair. You'd be...

all... gummy.

Yeah. And you'd have no teeth.

Oh!

THEY GIGGLE

- Ah, there you are.
- Ooh, Jeffries,

I was thinking that maybe we
could watch a film tonight.

Any kind of horror or murder film.

What's wrong? Have you got plans?

No. It's just things need to be
simplified around here, I think.

What do you mean?

Nathaniel, er, would you
just give us a moment?

Er, yeah.

What needs to be simplified?

You, Jenny.

You.

Where the fuck did
all that come from?

- Was that all right?
- It was, actually, yeah.

Yeah. I know. Fuck!

- I think I'm still drunk.
- Well, keep it to yourself, OK? - OK.

Are you decent?

Shame.

I've just been on the phone to
the Minister and he wants me

to come back to Northampton
next week for a few days

to smooth things over before
Danny and some of you lot

- come down to brief him.
- Oh, OK? Wow! So it went well, then?

Yeah. You were right about
him. Rough around the edges.

But... but there's something to him.

Maybe, yeah. Sort of.

And... next week, when I'm
back in town, do you, erm...

do you fancy dinner one
night, if you're free

and you're still here?

Er, all right, yeah.

- I don't want to force you.
- You're not. No, no, no.

It sounds good. Be nice to get out
of the flat with a... human woman.

- Wow, what a compliment.
- Sorry.

So why do you want to leave?

You never gave any
decent sort of reason.

Well, you know, make a fresh start
somewhere, take control a bit.

- But you've only been here a few months.
- Yeah, but, erm...

What, so you've got
something else lined up?

Cushy private sector gig, or...?

No. No, nothing.

So you're taking control by running
away from a fresh start

in order to pursue nothing.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes
complete sense.

Is that Anthony logic?

Yeah, it might be. Yeah.

PHONE RINGS

- Hello?
- Hi.

Why are you...?

Can you just be quiet and, erm,
not say anything for, like,

two minutes, as a favour
to me, please?

- Katherine?
- Yeah.

Right, you're doing it. Thank you.

Since I was about 16,

I've wanted a house and a garden
and a family. I dreamed about it.

Which is pretty rubbish
when you compare it

to what most people dream
about. I must be an idiot.

Maybe, dunno. But
I've sort of, erm...

stopped even... dreaming about
it recently in the last few years.

House? Not a chance.

Garden? Don't even...

Wife?

So the idea that I'd nearly
had a family, it's like...

Fuck, I nearly had
my dream. You know?

And I was angry about that.

That I'd lost something
I never thought I'd have.

And you didn't even
tell me. Not even...

So I didn't even really think about
you and what you went through,

which is... shit.

So, yeah, anyway, erm, I think...

I'm gonna maybe stay
here a bit longer.

I know that we can never
be together. We sort of...

erode each other, like...
sodium... and water.

Being... married to you
would be fucking torture!

Yeah, all right!

Yeah, so anyway, er...
All I'm saying is

let's be work colleagues and be
civil to each other, whatever.

And I'll try and find a...

.. new dream.

Yeah.

OK. Yeah.

- Katherine? - Yeah?
- How do you spell Layglows?

Lagos. Are you trying to
write something up already?

- Yeah.
- OK. Good.

Do you want a hand?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Thank you.
- OK.

This is what I wrote and...

This week you've been diligent.

Focused.

Not high on ketamine.

The one thing that
you've got to remember

is all men are stupid,
lying fucking shithouses.

What is it with you
and married women?

Does Nathaniel want a banana
cream cake from Jenny's big box?

Blepharospasm.

- What causes it? - It's usually
the result of a number of factors.

Poor girl. What are you
setting her up for?

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